♪ Here we are ♪
♪ Face to face ♪
♪ A couple
Of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hopin' to find ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Makin' a go ♪
♪ Makin' it grow ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find
Our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Takin' the time
Each day ♪
♪ To learn all about ♪
♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons
Together ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ We're gonna find
Our way ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find
Our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Great song.
Oh, yeah,
I like the message too--
"Rock till you bust."
[LAUGHS]
Sounds great on your stereo.
Oh, thanks.
But if you think
it sounds good over there,
you should listen to it
over here.
Oh?
Yeah, you see, my dad had
those speakers
strategically placed so that
the optimum stereo separation
converges right here...
On the couch.
Really?
Come on.
[CHUCKLES]
The middle of the couch.
That is better.
Yes, it is.
You know, Eileen, the first time
we met in chemistry,
I felt there was a certain
something between us.
You know, a kind of...
chemistry.
Then, when we started
sharing a Bunsen burner,
I felt...
How should I put this?
A sort of fire between us.
Rick?
What?
My foot's asleep.
Oh, here.
Let me help you.
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, yeah?
Is anything else asleep?
Never mind.
So, what were you saying?
Who cares?
Ahem.
Aah!
Oh, uh...
Dad, Kate, I-I--
Didn't expect
you home so soon.
Obviously.
Um, this is Eileen.
She was helping me
with my, um...
My chemistry.
Well, thanks a lot, Eileen.
I couldn't have done it
without you.
Yeah. Well, I'll see you later.
Okay.
It was nice meeting you,
Mr. and Mrs. Stratton.
Oh!
Nice meeting you.
Bye.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, I've got to get
ready for grandma.
She's not due
for another hour.
Well, I'm a slow dresser. Heh.
Rick.
I don't think it was a good idea
to bring a girl here
when we weren't home.
She wasn't
up in my room.
I didn't violate that rule.
You violated
the spirit of that rule.
Yeah, but Dad, we were
just kissing.
With your shoes off?
Kate, didn't you tell me
never to put my shoes
on the furniture?
I was obeying that rule.
Well, here's a new rule.
No girls in the house
when we're not home.
Oh, Dad, come on.
That's not fair.
I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm almost years old.
That's why
there's a new rule.
[♪♪♪]
What's that?
It's a candy dish.
Grandma Mildred gave it to us
for our anniversary last year.
That's right.
First anniversary is paper,
second year is wood,
third year must be tacky.
Be nice!
As soon as grandma leaves,
I'll put it back
in the closet.
Good.
Next the things
your father gave us.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
That's her now.
Hey, I got it.
Hey, Grandma.
Oh, Rick.
[CHUCKLES]
Grandma.
Edward.
How are you?
Grandma.
Here. Let me take those.
KATE: You look wonderful!
Let's see here.
There you are. Thank you.
We're so glad to see you.
How was your flight?
Well, it was quite bumpy.
Until we got in the air.
Then it was fine.
Why don't we
go on in and relax?
Huh?
Oh, great,
but first I want you
all to meet Chester.
Where's Chester?
Chester!
Oh, God.
There's Chester.
Gosh. Come in, Chester.
I'm awfully sorry.
That's okay.
Well, I'm Edward.
How do you do?
How are ya?
Glad to know you.
And this is my granddaughter,
Kate.
How do you do?
Hi. Nice to meet you.
And this is Rick.
Hi, there.
Hi. How are you?
Say. Go out and have
a good time.
Hey, thanks.
I'll go out
and have a good time.
Well, if we're all here, why
don't we go sit down and relax?
So Grandma,
is Chester the big surprise
you wrote us about?
Yes, he is.
He's my main squeeze.
So how did
you two kids meet?
You've heard of
The Love Boat?
Oh, a cruise!
How romantic.
No. We were
watching the show.
At the Golden Hills
Country Club.
Yes. Right in
the most exciting part,
Chester whispered
in my ear:
"Let's blow this joint."
You smooth-talking devil.
So I took her out
for a pepperoni pizza.
And you've been sharing
heartburn ever since.
Yes. Heh-heh. Oh.
When I told Chester I was
going to come to New York,
he said he just couldn't bear
to be without me.
And she bought it.
You know, I haven't been
to New York in years.
I'm dying to show Mildred
some of my old haunts.
Don't say dying.
I tell you what,
we'll paint
the Big Apple red.
And it's on me.
We'll get started first thing
in the morning.
Hell, no!
Let's hit the road.
Don't you want to rest?
We can rest later.
CHESTER:
She's right!
It's time to party!
♪ They say the neon lights ♪
♪ Are bright on Broadway ♪
Aren't you coming with us?
No, thanks, Dad.
I've seen the lights
on Broadway.
Besides,
I have a date with Eileen.
Not here.
We're meeting at Burgers.
There's gonna be tons
of people there. It's Friday.
Come on, let's go!
Oh, keep your shirt on.
And you keep
your shoes on.
[TV DRONING]
Ooh!
Ha, ha.
Grandma, Chester,
where have you been?
It's after midnight.
Is that all?
Those poops
said it was late.
Are we home yet?
I don't understand it. I thought
you young people liked to dance.
Not slam dancing.
I wasn't slam dancing.
That was my trick knee.
So, Rick...
How was your date tonight?
Fantastic.
Yeah, but not
that fantastic.
Well, I, for one,
am gonna hit the sack.
Well, I think we should get
some rest too.
Rick, take grandma's
bag up to her room.
Sure, Kate.
Where should I put
Chester's bag?
You can put it in my room.
Good night.
[♪♪♪]
Don't say a word
until I get back.
Well!
Your grandma's
full of surprises.
What are we going to do?
Honey, there's nothing
you can do.
Edward,
that's my grandmother.
She bakes apple pie.
She knits.
She writes thank you notes.
Maybe Chester
should write her one.
Come on, honey.
I don't think it's anything
to get that upset about.
Yeah, but Edward,
she raised me.
She gave me my values.
Now she's spending the night
with someone she's not even
married to.
They had a very busy night.
They'll probably just sleep.
Well, I've put the lovebirds
in their room.
And they're taking
their shoes off.
So who's going to enforce
the hanky-panky rule?
This is not funny.
Well, surely,
they're not gonna be allowed
to spend the night
in the same bedroom
when I can't even
bring a girl into this house.
This is different.
Oh. So I see.
There's a double standard here.
Rick, I know that this may seem
like there's a double
standard to you.
Yes.
That's because there is.
Oh. Okay. As long as
there's a good reason.
Good night, Rick.
[CHUCKLES]
Who would have thought
my great-Grandma
would turn out
to be a swinger?
BOTH:
Good night, Rick.
♪ They say the neon lights ♪
♪ Are bright on Broadway ♪
Wonderful.
He thinks his great-Grandmother
is hot to trot.
[CHUCKLING]
Yeah.
Honey, come on.
[SIGHS]
I think it's nice that she found
a little companionship.
If Grandpa knew about this,
he'd turn over
in his grave.
I thought he was cremated.
He'll have to turn over
in his jar.
This isn't funny.
I know.
She's led a very
protected life.
Well, now she's got
Chester to protect her.
What do we know
about this man?
We know he's
a hell of a slam dancer.
He could be filling her head
with all kinds of lies.
He could be a love 'em
and leave 'em kind of a guy.
Chester?
I've seen this type before.
You know, shifty eyes,
tight-lipped smile.
Honey, he's trying
to keep his teeth in.
Edward,
I'm worried about her.
This goes against everything
she ever stood for.
I think it's time
for a talk with Chester.
We need to know
his intentions.
If you feel
that strongly about it,
you go right ahead
and have a talk with him.
Actually, I'd feel better
if you had a talk with him.
Me?
Well, you know, man to man.
Honey, you're much better
at man-to-man talks than me.
I'm serious, Edward.
Please. Hmm?
Do it for me. Please.
Pretty good at woman-to-man
talks too, eh?
Oh, okay.
Hey, morning, Dad.
Hey, boy.
So have the lovebirds
come down yet?
No.
No?
After all,
they had a pretty busy night.
[CHUCKLING]
Yeah, I bet.
I meant all the dancing.
Yeah, sure.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, Chester, we thought
you were still in bed.
At : in the morning?
The whole day
would be gone.
I was just taking a nice walk
around the grounds.
Ah.
Rick, why don't you see
how Kate's doing
with breakfast.
What for? She does fine.
Why don't you see
if she needs some help.
Dad, she'll only kick me out.
Rick?
Yeah?
Get out of here.
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Chester, please sit down.
Thank you.
You know, Chester...
[SIGHS]
...Kate's kind of worried
about her grandmother.
What's she worried about?
Well, what kind of plans
do you and Mildred have?
Well, we plan on
an early lunch,
and then tonight,
maybe we'll see a movie.
No, I mean long-range.
Listen, at our age,
that is long-range.
Seriously now, do you have plans
to settle down...
Tie the knot...
Get hitched?
You mean are we
going to get married?
You could put it that way.
I'd love to,
but she won't have me.
What do you mean
she won't have you?
I've asked her to marry me
plenty of times.
She says no?
I even got down
on my knees and begged.
Took me half an hour
to get up.
Oh, you're
exaggerating, Rick.
I'm sure your father
didn't chase you out of there.
Uh, Rick, go get the paper.
Dad, you already got the paper.
Then wait
for tomorrow's edition.
If you want to talk to Kate,
just say so.
Rick.
It would take me
seconds to get the paper.
I'd be back here.
You'd give me some--
Rick. Get out of here.
I'm gone. I'm gone.
Edward, did you have
your man-to-man talk?
I spoke with Chester.
Yeah. And?
And your grandmother's
a party animal.
What?
Chester's asked her
several times to marry him.
She keeps saying no.
That doesn't make sense.
That doesn't sound
like my grandmother.
That doesn't sound
like any grandmother.
[TV DRONING]
Body slam!
Body slam!
That's it!
Crush him!
Grandma, I didn't know
you liked wrestling.
Well, I didn't until Chester
turned me on to it.
That's nice.
Sounds like he's opening
new horizons for you.
Oh, yeah. I'll say.
It's also nice to see you
have companionship.
Thank you, dear.
That's sweet.
Well, we all need
companionship.
Oh, you are so right.
You know, for years
it's a house full of relatives,
children, and grandchildren.
All of a sudden, they're
all grown up, and they leave.
Yeah.
Then you and grandpa
were all alone.
Yes.
Then grandpa d*ed.
Yeah. He went so fast.
He did everything fast.
But your grandpa and I
shared some
wonderful times together,
and then when he was gone,
there was nothing.
There was just nothing for me
until Chester came along.
Well, you know,
we like Chester a lot.
A whole lot.
What's not to like?
That man is a hunk.
Well, I just brought it up
in case you're worried.
Or wanted to know.
We love Chester.
Me too.
You do?
Oh, so, you love him,
and I get the feeling
he might have strong
feelings for you too.
Yeah. Could be.
Oh. Do I hear bells?
Yes. That's the end
of the match.
No, Grandma,
I-I was talking about
wedding bells.
So that's what this
is all about, is it?
I was wondering when
you'd bring that up.
I hope you don't
think I was prying.
What would you call it?
Well, I, uh...
Prying.
Look, Kate, what Chester and I
do is our own concern
and nobody else's.
I'll thank you
to mind your own business.
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Grandma, I thought you were
watching wrestling.
I was.
What's wrong?
Is "k*ller" Kelly losing?
No, I'm getting sick of people
telling me what to do.
Yeah. Tell me about it.
She doesn't think
I know what I'm doing,
like I'm a child or something.
[CHUCKLES]
I know the feeling.
Who are we talking about?
Kate. Telling me
I ought to marry Chester.
Not that I don't like Chester
or anything.
I like him a lot.
It's just that marriage is
something you don't rush into.
[SCOFFS]
That's what I keep
telling Eileen.
You know,
it's been three years
since my Henry d*ed,
and I'm still not over it.
Sometimes it seems like
Henry's still with me.
Did Henry ever meet Chester?
No. I don't believe
he ever did.
Why do you ask?
No reason.
I'll bet you
he would've liked him.
Yes, I think you're right.
Henry would've liked Chester.
I guess we
got everything.
Edward, Mildred and I
sure did have a good time.
I wouldn't mention
that to Kate.
I want to thank you
for your hospitality.
You get out to Ohio,
I'll return the favor.
Of course,
Springfield's a little tame
compared to the Big Apple.
I'll bet it has
a lot to offer.
Not really.
But whenever
we get in the mood
to have a real wild time
in the big city,
we just hop in the car
and tool on up to Akron.
Oh, Grandma.
Is it that time already?
I'm afraid so, dear,
but before I go--
I've got to
tell you something.
Yesterday, I was way, way,
way out of line.
Well, maybe we both were.
But honey--
Please. Let me finish.
What you do with your life
is your business,
and no one else's.
Kate.
I never should have
opened my mouth.
We're getting married.
And not only that--
You're getting married?
As soon as we get back home.
Oh! That's wonderful!
I am so happy for you!
Thank you.
Well, what happened?
What changed your mind?
Something I said, huh?
No.
Actually, it was
something Rick said.
But you got me started.
I realized I wasn't
standing in the way
as much as
your grandfather was.
Oh?
I just couldn't see Chester
and me living in the same house
with all those memories.
Oh. So, what happened?
We're buying a condo.
Oh!
Come on, sweet cakes,
we'll miss our plane.
Ok, honey lamb.
Kate, guess what
Chester just told me.
Yeah! Grandma and Chester
are getting married!
Lucky guess.
What's this about
getting married?
Rick, your--
Uh...
Let me tell him.
Chester and I
are getting married.
You don't have to, do you?
Great, Grandma!
Yes, it is.
But just in case you learned
the wrong lesson from this...
If I ever hear of you
living with a girl
and not being married,
you'd better be ,
or I'll come back
and take you over my knee.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Rick.
Goodbye, Grandma.
Goodbye.
Oh, Grandma.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
05x20 - Thoroughly Modern Mildred
Watch/Buy Amazon
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.