[ Rooster crows ]
[ Rooster crows ]
the history of boxing is one
[ Rooster crows ]
the history of boxing is one
of gradual evolution.
The history of boxing is one
of gradual evolution.
In its infancy, styles were
Of gradual evolution.
In its infancy, styles were
rigidly formal.
In its infancy, styles were
rigidly formal.
[ Bell dings ]
It was not uncommon for boxing
It was not uncommon for boxing
matches of this era to last
It was not uncommon for boxing
matches of this era to last
or rounds.
Bouts were usually won when one
Bouts were usually won when one
opponent would pass out from
Bouts were usually won when one
opponent would pass out from
hunger.
Opponent would pass out from
hunger.
In an attempt to maintain public
Hunger.
In an attempt to maintain public
interest, it was necessary for
In an attempt to maintain public
interest, it was necessary for
styles to become more
Interest, it was necessary for
styles to become more
flamboyant.
Styles to become more
flamboyant.
[ Bell dings ]
Then, suddenly...innovation.
Whoo-hoo, whoo! Whoo!
Whoo-hoo, whoo! Whoo!
From innovation came
Whoo-hoo, whoo! Whoo!
From innovation came
innovation.
It was many years before another
It was many years before another
victory was recorded and boxing
It was many years before another
victory was recorded and boxing
became the sport it is today.
But boxing is constantly
But boxing is constantly
evolving.
But boxing is constantly
evolving.
And scientists, using models and
Evolving.
And scientists, using models and
equations, have been able to
And scientists, using models and
equations, have been able to
accurately predict how boxing
Equations, have been able to
accurately predict how boxing
will look in the future.
Accurately predict how boxing
will look in the future.
Here, then, is a glimpse of the
Will look in the future.
Here, then, is a glimpse of the
world of tomorrow.
I hope you've enjoyed
I hope you've enjoyed
"sport flicks."
I hope you've enjoyed
"sport flicks."
And now the feature
"Sport flicks."
And now the feature
presentation.
And now the feature
presentation.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
hey. Hey!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
hey. Hey!
Huh?
Hey. Hey!
Huh?
Can I get a pizza slice?
Huh?
Can I get a pizza slice?
What?
Can I get a pizza slice?
What?
Pizza slice.
What?
Pizza slice.
Oh.
Pizza slice.
Oh.
One slice!
Oh.
One slice!
One slice.
One slice!
One slice.
One slice, sir.
One slice.
One slice, sir.
Let's get those slices!
One slice, sir.
Let's get those slices!
Let's get those slices
Let's get those slices!
Let's get those slices
happening for the mister, huh?
Let's get those slices
happening for the mister, huh?
It sure is busy in here, huh?
Happening for the mister, huh?
It sure is busy in here, huh?
Yeah, it's the : rush.
It sure is busy in here, huh?
Yeah, it's the : rush.
It happens every day.
Yeah, it's the : rush.
It happens every day.
Yeah, but how do you stand
It happens every day.
Yeah, but how do you stand
it?
Yeah, but how do you stand
it?
I mean, all these schoolgirls in
It?
I mean, all these schoolgirls in
here running around, being
I mean, all these schoolgirls in
here running around, being
noisy, reaching up for things,
Here running around, being
noisy, reaching up for things,
bending over to tie up their
Noisy, reaching up for things,
bending over to tie up their
shoes, standing between you and
Bending over to tie up their
shoes, standing between you and
an available light source.
Shoes, standing between you and
an available light source.
How do you stand it?
An available light source.
How do you stand it?
Well, what are you gonna do,
How do you stand it?
Well, what are you gonna do,
huh?
Well, what are you gonna do,
huh?
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Huh?
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Yeah, but all these kids,
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Yeah, but all these kids,
you know.
Yeah, but all these kids,
you know.
And, I mean, some of them are
You know.
And, I mean, some of them are
hardly kids anymore.
And, I mean, some of them are
hardly kids anymore.
You ever notice?
Hardly kids anymore.
You ever notice?
I'm sorry.
You ever notice?
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear the question.
I'm sorry.
I didn't hear the question.
Well, I don't know about you
I didn't hear the question.
Well, I don't know about you
guys, but I find some of these
Well, I don't know about you
guys, but I find some of these
girls almost attractive...
Guys, but I find some of these
girls almost attractive...
Although criminally underage.
Girls almost attractive...
Although criminally underage.
Well, actually, in some
Although criminally underage.
Well, actually, in some
cultures -- [ thud ]
Well, actually, in some
cultures -- [ thud ]
$, please.
Cultures -- [ thud ]
$, please.
Bucks.
$, Please.
Bucks.
Yeah.
Bucks.
Yeah.
Okay, there you go.
Yeah.
Okay, there you go.
Thanks very much.
Okay, there you go.
Thanks very much.
Thanks for the slice.
Thanks very much.
Thanks for the slice.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Thanks for the slice.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Come back again.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Come back again.
Ooh.
Come back again.
Ooh.
Slice?
Ooh.
Slice?
Would you like a coke with
Slice?
Would you like a coke with
that?
Would you like a coke with
that?
What?
That?
What?
Would you like a coke with
What?
Would you like a coke with
that?
Would you like a coke with
that?
What?
That?
What?
He said, "would you like a
What?
He said, "would you like a
coke with that?"
He said, "would you like a
coke with that?"
Yes.
Coke with that?"
Yes.
Large or small?
Yes.
Large or small?
What?
Large or small?
What?
Large or small?
What?
Large or small?
What?
Large or small?
What?
He said, "large or small"
What?
He said, "large or small"
coke?
He said, "large or small"
coke?
Large.
Coke?
Large.
There you go.
Large.
There you go.
How much is that?
There you go.
How much is that?
Cents?
How much is that?
Cents?
Wow, so cheap!
Cents?
Wow, so cheap!
Special prices for special
Wow, so cheap!
Special prices for special
girls.
Special prices for special
girls.
Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh.
Girls.
Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh.
Oh.
Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh.
Oh.
Hiya, hiya.
Oh.
Hiya, hiya.
Hi, hi.
Hiya, hiya.
Hi, hi.
Hi.
Hi, hi.
Hi.
Yeah, we'd like three
Hi.
Yeah, we'd like three
slices...
Yeah, we'd like three
slices...
A jumbo coke...
Slices...
A jumbo coke...
And three straws.
A jumbo coke...
And three straws.
Three slices, missy!
And three straws.
Three slices, missy!
Three slices coming up for
Three slices, missy!
Three slices coming up for
you, missy.
Three slices coming up for
you, missy.
For the missy.
You, missy.
For the missy.
Three slices for the missy.
For the missy.
Three slices for the missy.
One slice, two slice, three
Three slices for the missy.
One slice, two slice, three
slice.
One slice, two slice, three
slice.
Excuse me.
Slice.
Excuse me.
Where are the napkins?
Excuse me.
Where are the napkins?
Over there.
Where are the napkins?
Over there.
Hello.
Over there.
Hello.
Mr. Pizza man.
Hello.
Mr. Pizza man.
Call me "uncle pizza man."
Mr. Pizza man.
Call me "uncle pizza man."
So, girls, uh, tough day at
Call me "uncle pizza man."
So, girls, uh, tough day at
school?
So, girls, uh, tough day at
school?
Yeah.
School?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah? Aw.
Yeah.
Yeah? Aw.
Especially our last class.
Yeah? Aw.
Especially our last class.
[ Laughter ]
Especially our last class.
[ Laughter ]
well, it kept me awake.
[ Laughter ]
well, it kept me awake.
Oh, my.
Well, it kept me awake.
Oh, my.
Oh? What happened?
Oh, my.
Oh? What happened?
It was, um, sex education.
Oh? What happened?
It was, um, sex education.
[ Laughter ]
It was, um, sex education.
[ Laughter ]
boy, I remember sex
[ Laughter ]
boy, I remember sex
education, huh?
Boy, I remember sex
education, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Education, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't that stupid?
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't that stupid?
Dumb class.
Wasn't that stupid?
Dumb class.
It was a dumb class.
Dumb class.
It was a dumb class.
I hated that class.
It was a dumb class.
I hated that class.
Stupid.
I hated that class.
Stupid.
So, what did you learn?
Stupid.
So, what did you learn?
Well, today, the teacher had
So, what did you learn?
Well, today, the teacher had
to show us this film.
Well, today, the teacher had
to show us this film.
Oh, boy.
To show us this film.
Oh, boy.
Excuse me.
Oh, boy.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
[ Nervous gibberish ]
Excuse me.
[ Nervous gibberish ]
what?
[ Nervous gibberish ]
what?
He said, "would you like a
What?
He said, "would you like a
slice, officer?"
He said, "would you like a
slice, officer?"
No, we're here on official
Slice, officer?"
No, we're here on official
business.
No, we're here on official
business.
Oh?
Business.
Oh?
What kind of official business?
Oh?
What kind of official business?
Official.
What kind of official business?
Official.
Something stinks in this city,
Official.
Something stinks in this city,
and it stinks from this pizza
Something stinks in this city,
and it stinks from this pizza
parlor.
And it stinks from this pizza
parlor.
Oh.
Parlor.
Oh.
Laura capelli.
Oh.
Laura capelli.
Yes?
Laura capelli.
Yes?
I'm laura capelli.
Yes?
I'm laura capelli.
You're under arrest for the
I'm laura capelli.
You're under arrest for the
m*rder of your english teacher,
You're under arrest for the
m*rder of your english teacher,
jacob milner.
m*rder of your english teacher,
jacob milner.
[ All gasp ]
Jacob milner.
[ All gasp ]
hmm?
[ All gasp ]
hmm?
Yes, I did it.
Hmm?
Yes, I did it.
And I'd do it again if I had the
Yes, I did it.
And I'd do it again if I had the
chance.
And I'd do it again if I had the
chance.
Always staring at me!
Chance.
Always staring at me!
[ All cheer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cow mooing ]
At the age of , I became
At the age of , I became
convinced that I was the lead
At the age of , I became
convinced that I was the lead
soprano for the new york
Convinced that I was the lead
soprano for the new york
metropolitan opera.
Soprano for the new york
metropolitan opera.
Nothing could dissuade me...
Metropolitan opera.
Nothing could dissuade me...
Till "the times" tore me to
Nothing could dissuade me...
Till "the times" tore me to
shreds.
Till "the times" tore me to
shreds.
[ Milk squirts in pail ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
ow!
[ Cheers and applause ]
ow!
Whoo!
Ow!
Whoo!
[ Bluesy harmonica plays ]
Whoo!
[ Bluesy harmonica plays ]
[ car horn blaring ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
Oh, strawberry.
Oh, strawberry.
My loverboy.
Oh, strawberry.
My loverboy.
Plain and simple, you are my
My loverboy.
Plain and simple, you are my
loverboy.
Plain and simple, you are my
loverboy.
But can you ever really love
Loverboy.
But can you ever really love
a small man?
But can you ever really love
a small man?
Let me tell you something.
A small man?
Let me tell you something.
You are very big.
Let me tell you something.
You are very big.
But am I big enough to love?
You are very big.
But am I big enough to love?
Oh, god, you're almost too
But am I big enough to love?
Oh, god, you're almost too
big to love.
Oh, god, you're almost too
big to love.
Oh, sugar.
Big to love.
Oh, sugar.
Oh, sugar.
Oh, sugar.
Oh, sugar.
Oh, sugar.
Oh, sugar.
Oh, sugar.
Hey, quit it.
Oh, sugar.
Hey, quit it.
What?!
Hey, quit it.
What?!
You're wrecking my clothes.
What?!
You're wrecking my clothes.
What?!
You're wrecking my clothes.
What?!
You're getting wrinkles all
What?!
You're getting wrinkles all
over my clothes.
You're getting wrinkles all
over my clothes.
You know, sometimes I think
Over my clothes.
You know, sometimes I think
you love those clothes a little
You know, sometimes I think
you love those clothes a little
bit more than you love me.
You love those clothes a little
bit more than you love me.
What are you talking about?
Bit more than you love me.
What are you talking about?
I moved from vancouver for you.
What are you talking about?
I moved from vancouver for you.
Yeah?
I moved from vancouver for you.
Yeah?
Well, I went to bartending
Yeah?
Well, I went to bartending
school for you.
Well, I went to bartending
school for you.
Oh, god.
School for you.
Oh, god.
You did, didn't you?
Oh, god.
You did, didn't you?
You know I did, lilac.
You did, didn't you?
You know I did, lilac.
Oh, you sweet man.
You know I did, lilac.
Oh, you sweet man.
Hey!
Oh, you sweet man.
Hey!
Quit trying to break us up!
Hey!
Quit trying to break us up!
Yeah.
Quit trying to break us up!
Yeah.
I gotta fix my back.
Yeah.
I gotta fix my back.
[ Backbone cracks ]
I gotta fix my back.
[ Backbone cracks ]
that's better.
[ Backbone cracks ]
that's better.
Now let me hold my perfect
That's better.
Now let me hold my perfect
vancouver lily.
Now let me hold my perfect
vancouver lily.
Oh, cut it out.
Vancouver lily.
Oh, cut it out.
What?!
Oh, cut it out.
What?!
You know, sometimes I think
What?!
You know, sometimes I think
you like that back more than you
You know, sometimes I think
you like that back more than you
like me.
You like that back more than you
like me.
But, baby, it's my back!
Like me.
But, baby, it's my back!
I can't walk without it!
But, baby, it's my back!
I can't walk without it!
Well, I left all my friends
I can't walk without it!
Well, I left all my friends
for you, didn't i?
Well, I left all my friends
for you, didn't i?
You did, didn't you?
For you, didn't i?
You did, didn't you?
Yeah.
You did, didn't you?
Yeah.
You mean stan, don't you?
Yeah.
You mean stan, don't you?
Oh, go on.
You mean stan, don't you?
Oh, go on.
I saw you talking to stan.
Oh, go on.
I saw you talking to stan.
I know you got the hots for
I saw you talking to stan.
I know you got the hots for
stan.
I know you got the hots for
stan.
I'm too little, right?
Stan.
I'm too little, right?
I'm too little.
I'm too little, right?
I'm too little.
What are you talking about?
I'm too little.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, I was talking to stan, but
What are you talking about?
Yeah, I was talking to stan, but
only to tell him that I loved
Yeah, I was talking to stan, but
only to tell him that I loved
you.
Only to tell him that I loved
you.
I almost told him twice.
You.
I almost told him twice.
You did?
I almost told him twice.
You did?
Yeah.
You did?
Yeah.
And I spent my income-tax check
Yeah.
And I spent my income-tax check
fixing your teeth, didn't i?
And I spent my income-tax check
fixing your teeth, didn't i?
Well, that's why I went to
Fixing your teeth, didn't i?
Well, that's why I went to
bartending school for you.
Well, that's why I went to
bartending school for you.
So I can fix you a whiskey sour.
Bartending school for you.
So I can fix you a whiskey sour.
Oh, god, that's right.
So I can fix you a whiskey sour.
Oh, god, that's right.
You can make a whiskey sour.
Oh, god, that's right.
You can make a whiskey sour.
Yeah!
You can make a whiskey sour.
Yeah!
He can make a whiskey sour!
Yeah!
He can make a whiskey sour!
No!
He can make a whiskey sour!
No!
What?
No!
What?
Baby, don't tell the world
What?
Baby, don't tell the world
our business.
Baby, don't tell the world
our business.
Come on.
Our business.
Come on.
Well, I'm just proud.
Come on.
Well, I'm just proud.
I know, but -- you know.
Well, I'm just proud.
I know, but -- you know.
Besides, what's in a whiskey
I know, but -- you know.
Besides, what's in a whiskey
sour?
Besides, what's in a whiskey
sour?
Baby, let's not quibble about
Sour?
Baby, let's not quibble about
details.
Baby, let's not quibble about
details.
Can't you see I want to marry
Details.
Can't you see I want to marry
you?
Can't you see I want to marry
you?
I want to marry you.
You?
I want to marry you.
You won't tell me what's in a
I want to marry you.
You won't tell me what's in a
whiskey sour.
You won't tell me what's in a
whiskey sour.
You're keeping secrets, aren't
Whiskey sour.
You're keeping secrets, aren't
you?
You're keeping secrets, aren't
you?
I get it.
You?
I get it.
I'm too little, right?
I get it.
I'm too little, right?
I'm too little to love.
I'm too little, right?
I'm too little to love.
I'm too wee, I suppose.
I'm too little to love.
I'm too wee, I suppose.
No, it's 'cause you're always
I'm too wee, I suppose.
No, it's 'cause you're always
sleeping with my friends.
No, it's 'cause you're always
sleeping with my friends.
What, what, what, what?
Sleeping with my friends.
What, what, what, what?
Are my hands too small for you
What, what, what, what?
Are my hands too small for you
to marry me?
Are my hands too small for you
to marry me?
Is that it?
To marry me?
Is that it?
You know what?
Is that it?
You know what?
I have no friends because of
You know what?
I have no friends because of
you.
I have no friends because of
you.
Yeah, well...
You.
Yeah, well...
Look, baby.
Yeah, well...
Look, baby.
The whole world can see that our
Look, baby.
The whole world can see that our
love is...strong.
The whole world can see that our
love is...strong.
Oh.
Love is...strong.
Oh.
That's why I would give my last
Oh.
That's why I would give my last
cigarette...to thee.
That's why I would give my last
cigarette...to thee.
But look how freakishly small
Cigarette...to thee.
But look how freakishly small
my hands are.
But look how freakishly small
my hands are.
Oh, god.
My hands are.
Oh, god.
You know, they're almost too
Oh, god.
You know, they're almost too
big.
You know, they're almost too
big.
Oh...they're perfect.
Big.
Oh...they're perfect.
But can you ever really love
Oh...they're perfect.
But can you ever really love
a small man?
But can you ever really love
a small man?
Oh, god.
A small man?
Oh, god.
You know, I love you, don't i?
Oh, god.
You know, I love you, don't i?
Oh, baby, I love you.
You know, I love you, don't i?
Oh, baby, I love you.
Hey, stan, how you doing?!
Oh, baby, I love you.
Hey, stan, how you doing?!
Hey, stan, how's it going?!
Hey, stan, how you doing?!
Hey, stan, how's it going?!
I told you about talking to
Hey, stan, how's it going?!
I told you about talking to
stan.
I told you about talking to
stan.
I knew you had a thing for stan.
Stan.
I knew you had a thing for stan.
I'm gonna have a little talk
I knew you had a thing for stan.
I'm gonna have a little talk
with stan.
I'm gonna have a little talk
with stan.
Here, stan.
With stan.
Here, stan.
Oh, jeez.
Here, stan.
Oh, jeez.
Don't go b*ating on stan.
Oh, jeez.
Don't go b*ating on stan.
He's almost as big as I am.
Don't go b*ating on stan.
He's almost as big as I am.
Put him down, stan.
He's almost as big as I am.
Put him down, stan.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
If I was stranded on a desert
If I was stranded on a desert
island and I could only have one
If I was stranded on a desert
island and I could only have one
person, one book, and one record
Island and I could only have one
person, one book, and one record
with me, I'd probably die of
Person, one book, and one record
with me, I'd probably die of
exposure.
With me, I'd probably die of
exposure.
[ Laughing ]
Exposure.
[ Laughing ]
[ both laughing ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Okay, you gonna be nice?
Okay, you gonna be nice?
I'll be nice.
Okay, you gonna be nice?
I'll be nice.
I'm gonna be nice.
I'll be nice.
I'm gonna be nice.
We'll be nice.
I'm gonna be nice.
We'll be nice.
Okay, we'll be nice.
We'll be nice.
Okay, we'll be nice.
All right, we'll be nice.
Okay, we'll be nice.
All right, we'll be nice.
What's this?
All right, we'll be nice.
What's this?
I don't know.
What's this?
I don't know.
Take it off, take it off.
I don't know.
Take it off, take it off.
[ Phone ringing ]
Take it off, take it off.
[ Phone ringing ]
it's ringing.
[ Phone ringing ]
it's ringing.
I can hear it, okay?
It's ringing.
I can hear it, okay?
Okay, I know you can hear it.
I can hear it, okay?
Okay, I know you can hear it.
Hi, it's andy.
Okay, I know you can hear it.
Hi, it's andy.
I'm screening my calls right
Hi, it's andy.
I'm screening my calls right
now.
I'm screening my calls right
now.
So if I like who you are, I'll
Now.
So if I like who you are, I'll
answer.
So if I like who you are, I'll
answer.
If not, please leave a message.
Answer.
If not, please leave a message.
[ Beep ]
If not, please leave a message.
[ Beep ]
it's your agents, brent and
[ Beep ]
it's your agents, brent and
brett sudelman here.
It's your agents, brent and
brett sudelman here.
Pick up the phone, you pinhead.
Brett sudelman here.
Pick up the phone, you pinhead.
Hey, guys, how are you?
Pick up the phone, you pinhead.
Hey, guys, how are you?
We're doing good, andy.
Hey, guys, how are you?
We're doing good, andy.
Uh, listen...what are you doing?
We're doing good, andy.
Uh, listen...what are you doing?
I'm screening my calls.
Uh, listen...what are you doing?
I'm screening my calls.
Oh, that's not how we taught
I'm screening my calls.
Oh, that's not how we taught
you to screen your calls, you
Oh, that's not how we taught
you to screen your calls, you
moron.
You to screen your calls, you
moron.
He's too stupid to talk to.
Moron.
He's too stupid to talk to.
Does he know he has an audition?
He's too stupid to talk to.
Does he know he has an audition?
Does he care?
Does he know he has an audition?
Does he care?
Well, I can't deal with him.
Does he care?
Well, I can't deal with him.
You deal with him.
Well, I can't deal with him.
You deal with him.
You talk to him, okay?
You deal with him.
You talk to him, okay?
Deal.
You talk to him, okay?
Deal.
Mmm.
Deal.
Mmm.
Hey, andy, it's brett here.
Mmm.
Hey, andy, it's brett here.
Hey, brett.
Hey, andy, it's brett here.
Hey, brett.
How's the new wife?
Hey, brett.
How's the new wife?
Oh, come on.
How's the new wife?
Oh, come on.
Don't schmooze me, andy, huh?
Oh, come on.
Don't schmooze me, andy, huh?
That was six months ago.
Don't schmooze me, andy, huh?
That was six months ago.
Just get your stupid surfer
That was six months ago.
Just get your stupid surfer
driftwood ass out of bed and get
Just get your stupid surfer
driftwood ass out of bed and get
down to the audition, huh?
Driftwood ass out of bed and get
down to the audition, huh?
Okay.
Down to the audition, huh?
Okay.
I'm just waiting for the studio
Okay.
I'm just waiting for the studio
limo.
I'm just waiting for the studio
limo.
[ Mockingly ] oh, he was
Limo.
[ Mockingly ] oh, he was
waiting for the studio limo.
[ Mockingly ] oh, he was
waiting for the studio limo.
Waiting for a studio limo!
Waiting for the studio limo.
Waiting for a studio limo!
Listen, andy.
Waiting for a studio limo!
Listen, andy.
I don't care how you gotta do
I don't care how you gotta do
it.
I just want you to get to the
It.
I just want you to get to the
studio, okay?
I just want you to get to the
studio, okay?
Walk out onto the street, stick
Studio, okay?
Walk out onto the street, stick
your butt in the air, and get
Walk out onto the street, stick
your butt in the air, and get
into the first car that stops.
Your butt in the air, and get
into the first car that stops.
You do remember how to do that,
Into the first car that stops.
You do remember how to do that,
don't you?
You do remember how to do that,
don't you?
Yeah, and, andy, if you have
Don't you?
Yeah, and, andy, if you have
to blow him to get the ride,
Yeah, and, andy, if you have
to blow him to get the ride,
just don't tell him who you are
To blow him to get the ride,
just don't tell him who you are
this time.
Just don't tell him who you are
this time.
Okay, you moron?
This time.
Okay, you moron?
Together: just get to the
Okay, you moron?
Together: just get to the
studio!
Together: just get to the
studio!
Yeah, okay.
Studio!
Yeah, okay.
I can do that.
Yeah, okay.
I can do that.
Terrific, hon.
I can do that.
Terrific, hon.
Wait a minute, brett.
Terrific, hon.
Wait a minute, brett.
What?
Wait a minute, brett.
What?
We can't let him audition.
What?
We can't let him audition.
You're right.
We can't let him audition.
You're right.
He can't act.
You're right.
He can't act.
How can he audition?
He can't act.
How can he audition?
Get the producer on the
How can he audition?
Get the producer on the
phone.
Get the producer on the
phone.
[ a*t*matic dialing ]
Phone.
[ a*t*matic dialing ]
[ phone rings ]
[ a*t*matic dialing ]
[ phone rings ]
good afternoon.
[ Phone rings ]
good afternoon.
Harry miller's office.
Good afternoon.
Harry miller's office.
Together: hi, honey.
Harry miller's office.
Together: hi, honey.
It's the sudelmans.
Together: hi, honey.
It's the sudelmans.
Harry miller here.
It's the sudelmans.
Harry miller here.
Hey, harry, how you doing?
Harry miller here.
Hey, harry, how you doing?
Good.
Hey, harry, how you doing?
Good.
How are you guys?
Good.
How are you guys?
Pretty good, pretty good.
How are you guys?
Pretty good, pretty good.
Yeah, we're just calling to have
Pretty good, pretty good.
Yeah, we're just calling to have
a little chat about andy belli's
Yeah, we're just calling to have
a little chat about andy belli's
audition.
A little chat about andy belli's
audition.
Oh, right.
Audition.
Oh, right.
I was just about to go down to
Oh, right.
I was just about to go down to
the audition.
The audition.
Oh?
As you know, I don't usually
Oh?
As you know, I don't usually
go to auditions.
As you know, I don't usually
go to auditions.
But when an actor of andy's
Go to auditions.
But when an actor of andy's
caliber consents to audition, I
But when an actor of andy's
caliber consents to audition, I
just can't pass it up.
Caliber consents to audition, I
just can't pass it up.
I'm fabulously excited.
Just can't pass it up.
I'm fabulously excited.
I'm very, very excited.
I'm fabulously excited.
I'm very, very excited.
Audition?!
I'm very, very excited.
Audition?!
What are you talking about,
Audition?!
What are you talking about,
audition?!
What are you talking about,
audition?!
This is andy belli we're talking
Audition?!
This is andy belli we're talking
about here!
This is andy belli we're talking
about here!
He doesn't audition!
About here!
He doesn't audition!
Just give him the part!
He doesn't audition!
Just give him the part!
Jeez, harry.
Just give him the part!
Jeez, harry.
He's only made a gazillion
Jeez, harry.
He's only made a gazillion
dollars for you.
He's only made a gazillion
dollars for you.
Give him the part!
Dollars for you.
Give him the part!
Well, I promised the director
Give him the part!
Well, I promised the director
that --
Well, I promised the director
that --
director?
That --
director?
Why don't you tell this director
Director?
Why don't you tell this director
what this whole town already
Why don't you tell this director
what this whole town already
knows?
What this whole town already
knows?
Andy belli's got the part!
Knows?
Andy belli's got the part!
And why are you always hiring
Andy belli's got the part!
And why are you always hiring
stupid directors, harry, huh?
And why are you always hiring
stupid directors, harry, huh?
What do we have to do to get
Stupid directors, harry, huh?
What do we have to do to get
through to this guy -- change
What do we have to do to get
through to this guy -- change
the name of the city to
Through to this guy -- change
the name of the city to
"los andy-belli's-got-the-part?"
The name of the city to
"los andy-belli's-got-the-part?"
Exactly.
"Los andy-belli's-got-the-part?"
Exactly.
Don't forget.
Exactly.
Don't forget.
Don't forget, harry.
Don't forget.
Don't forget, harry.
I know you.
Don't forget, harry.
I know you.
I know things about you.
I know you.
I know things about you.
I know you better than your own
I know things about you.
I know you better than your own
mother.
I know you better than your own
mother.
I'm in your blood, harry.
Mother.
I'm in your blood, harry.
I'm in your f*ckin' dna!
I'm in your blood, harry.
I'm in your f*ckin' dna!
Okay, he's got the part.
I'm in your f*ckin' dna!
Okay, he's got the part.
Yeah! Whoo!
Okay, he's got the part.
Yeah! Whoo!
That's great, harry.
Yeah! Whoo!
That's great, harry.
You're gonna love him.
That's great, harry.
You're gonna love him.
Listen, I'm sorry we lost our
You're gonna love him.
Listen, I'm sorry we lost our
tempers there, huh?
Listen, I'm sorry we lost our
tempers there, huh?
Yeah.
Tempers there, huh?
Yeah.
That's okay, guys.
Yeah.
That's okay, guys.
It happens.
That's okay, guys.
It happens.
Friends? Great.
It happens.
Friends? Great.
[ Phone beeps ]
Friends? Great.
[ Phone beeps ]
insects.
[ Phone beeps ]
insects.
[ Phone rings ]
Insects.
[ Phone rings ]
andy belli is on .
[ Phone rings ]
andy belli is on .
Yeah, well, why don't you get
Andy belli is on .
Yeah, well, why don't you get
off the phone and put him on?
Yeah, well, why don't you get
off the phone and put him on?
Hey, guys.
Off the phone and put him on?
Hey, guys.
I'm at the studio.
Hey, guys.
I'm at the studio.
So where should I go for the
I'm at the studio.
So where should I go for the
audition?
So where should I go for the
audition?
He's at the studio.
Audition?
He's at the studio.
He's gonna audition.
He's at the studio.
He's gonna audition.
Hmm.
He's gonna audition.
Hmm.
Tell me, andy.
Hmm.
Tell me, andy.
What were you gonna do, huh?
Tell me, andy.
What were you gonna do, huh?
Some acting?
What were you gonna do, huh?
Some acting?
Some dosey-dosey?
Some acting?
Some dosey-dosey?
You were gonna pretend you were
Some dosey-dosey?
You were gonna pretend you were
someone else?
Someone else?
What?
He's making me sick!
What?
He's making me sick!
Andy, do me a favor.
He's making me sick!
Andy, do me a favor.
Go home and o.d.
Andy, do me a favor.
Go home and o.d.
And if you don't die, get a
Go home and o.d.
And if you don't die, get a
copy of the script tomorrow.
And if you don't die, get a
copy of the script tomorrow.
Oh, okay.
Copy of the script tomorrow.
Oh, okay.
Hey, did you guys get me script
Oh, okay.
Hey, did you guys get me script
approval?
Hey, did you guys get me script
approval?
Yeah, I'm holding a copy of
Approval?
Yeah, I'm holding a copy of
the script right now.
Yeah, I'm holding a copy of
the script right now.
Do you like it?!
The script right now.
Do you like it?!
No, you don't like it.
Do you like it?!
No, you don't like it.
You f*ckin' love it!
No, you don't like it.
You f*ckin' love it!
Okay!
You f*ckin' love it!
Okay!
Listen, andy.
Okay!
Listen, andy.
Yeah.
Listen, andy.
Yeah.
Sorry we lost our temper
Yeah.
Sorry we lost our temper
there.
Sorry we lost our temper
there.
Apologies.
There.
Apologies.
It's just been a crazy
Apologies.
It's just been a crazy
morning, all right?
It's just been a crazy
morning, all right?
Nutty!
Morning, all right?
Nutty!
Oh, that's okay.
Nutty!
Oh, that's okay.
I mean, I know you guys are only
Oh, that's okay.
I mean, I know you guys are only
looking out for me.
I mean, I know you guys are only
looking out for me.
Yeah.
Looking out for me.
Yeah.
So, uh, you hitting the cabin
Yeah.
So, uh, you hitting the cabin
this weekend?
So, uh, you hitting the cabin
this weekend?
You know...i haven't actually
This weekend?
You know...i haven't actually
been able to find my cabin.
You know...i haven't actually
been able to find my cabin.
That's terrific.
Been able to find my cabin.
That's terrific.
[ Phone beeps ]
That's terrific.
[ Phone beeps ]
he's a moron.
[ Phone beeps ]
he's a moron.
He's a nice kid.
He's a moron.
He's a nice kid.
Yeah.
He's a nice kid.
Yeah.
Who's next?
Yeah.
Who's next?
Uh, costas.
Who's next?
Uh, costas.
Costas what?
Uh, costas.
Costas what?
Costas mandley.
Costas what?
Costas mandley.
Are we gonna pitch him from
Costas mandley.
Are we gonna pitch him from
"phyllis?"
Are we gonna pitch him from
"phyllis?"
What is that, a butterfly?
"Phyllis?"
What is that, a butterfly?
No, it's a soccer player.
What is that, a butterfly?
No, it's a soccer player.
[ Cheers and applause ]
For years, I've had this
For years, I've had this
reoccurring dream in which I
For years, I've had this
reoccurring dream in which I
have a moustache.
Reoccurring dream in which I
have a moustache.
I know it doesn't sound so bad.
Have a moustache.
I know it doesn't sound so bad.
But I swear...i'm afraid to go
I know it doesn't sound so bad.
But I swear...i'm afraid to go
to sleep.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Birds singing ]
[ Birds singing ]
[ alarm clock ringing ]
[ Birds singing ]
[ alarm clock ringing ]
[ birds singing resumes ]
[ Alarm clock ringing ]
[ birds singing resumes ]
[ alarm clock ringing
[ Birds singing resumes ]
[ alarm clock ringing
continues ]
[ Alarm clock ringing
continues ]
[ alarm stops ]
[ Zipper zips echoing ]
[ Zipper zips echoing ]
[ train wheels passing ]
[ Train wheels passing ]
No one must ever know my
No one must ever know my
horrible secret...
My secret I will take to the
My secret I will take to the
grave.
My secret I will take to the
grave.
[ Squawking ]
Grave.
[ Squawking ]
[ squawking resumes ]
[ Squawking ]
[ squawking resumes ]
[ squirrel screaming ]
[ Neck bones snap ]
[ Neck bones snap ]
[ squirrel gasps ]
[ Neck bones snap ]
[ squirrel gasps ]
[ sighs ]
[ Squirrel gasps ]
[ sighs ]
...no one.
I...
I...
Dropped my shampoo.
Ha ha.
Ha ha.
[ Dog barking ]
Ha ha.
[ Dog barking ]
[ wristwatch alarm beeping ]
[ Dog barking ]
[ wristwatch alarm beeping ]
time for work.
[ Sighs heavily ]
[ Sighs heavily ]
[ mannequin heads laughing ]
[ Sighs heavily ]
[ mannequin heads laughing ]
[ heart pounding ]
[ Mannequin heads laughing ]
[ heart pounding ]
[ mannequin heads laughing
[ Heart pounding ]
[ mannequin heads laughing
intensifies ]
[ Mannequin heads laughing
intensifies ]
ha ha ha.
Intensifies ]
ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Do you think this wig's a
Ha ha ha ha.
Do you think this wig's a
good one?
Do you think this wig's a
good one?
How would I know anything
Good one?
How would I know anything
about a wig?
How would I know anything
about a wig?
Is this a real wig or a
About a wig?
Is this a real wig or a
synthetic?
Is this a real wig or a
synthetic?
How would I know?
Synthetic?
How would I know?
Time for me to get a haircut.
How would I know?
Time for me to get a haircut.
Store's closed...
Time for me to get a haircut.
Store's closed...
Which means you all have to
Store's closed...
Which means you all have to
leave soon.
[ Key rattling in lock ]
[ Key rattling in lock ]
did my shampoo arrive?
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
[ maniacal music plays ]
No one must ever know my secret
No one must ever know my secret
or else it wouldn't be a secret.
No one must ever know my secret
or else it wouldn't be a secret.
[ Thinking as mannequin ]
Or else it wouldn't be a secret.
[ Thinking as mannequin ]
nice hair, mr. Mann.
[ Thinking as mannequin ]
nice hair, mr. Mann.
Ha ha ha ha.
Nice hair, mr. Mann.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Can I help you?
Ha ha ha ha.
Can I help you?
[ Cheers and applause ]
03x13 - Episode 13
Watch/Buy Amazon
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.