04x03 - Girl-Watchers

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ 'Cause they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like two the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top ♪

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ 'Cause they're all
the same call ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like siegfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪♪


Thank you. Welcome to
the kenan and kel show.

If you were pronouncing
my name correctly

You'd be saying "kenan!"

[Cheers and screams]

And if you spelled
my name correctly,

You'd be saying, "kel!"

[Cheers and screams]

All right,
well, well, well,

We have a wonderful show
for y'all this evening.

Uh, kel why don't
you go on and tell
the audience about it.

Uh--uh, kenan, I don't know
about tonight's show.

But I just told you
about it backstage.

I don't remember that.

Hmm. Sounds like you've
lost your memory.

Lost my memory?
Where did I leave it?

You know, kel, forget
about your memory.

There's too many people
losing their minds

In this episode already.
Come on, scratchy!

Kenan! Well, if
I lost my memory,

Then how come I still
remember your name?

Kenan. Wait a minute. Maybe
I don't remember your name.

Kenan? Ahhh,
here it goes.

...with the ball,

Fake to the left,
fake to the right,

Fake to the left...

Fake...fake...fake...

Fake to the left,
fake it back to the right,,

Bring it back
to the right...

Just sh**t
the ball already.

Oh!

Hey, kenan.
Hey, eric.

You got anything to
eat, man? I'm starving.

There might be
some frozen pizzas
in the freezer.

Just help yourself...
Like always.

Your ball 'cause
you're still losing.

Oh! Pppb, pppb, pppb!

Man, this is a bad pizza.
It's all hard and cold.

That's 'cause it's
frozen, genius.

You gotta put it
in the microwave.

Oh.

Didn't work!

[Phone rings]

Hello?

No, my name's
not honey bunny.

You have
the wrong number.

Stop calling here,
ok? All right.

Kenan, that was for me.

[Phone rings]what's wrong with him?

Hey--hey--
hello?

Didn't I just tell you
nobody here named
honey bunny?!

Huh?! You need to
stop callin'.

Gimme the phone!
Gimme the phone!

♪ I got the phone,
I got the phone ♪

Gimme the phone!...♪ I got the phone... ♪

Hello? Melissa,
how you doin'?

Aw, I miss you,
too, sweetie.

Yeah--ooh,
tomorrow? Really?

Aw, I can't wait!

I can't wait to see
you either, baby.

Ok. Yeah, I'll let--

I, uh...

[Covering words with a cough]
...love you, too.

Ok, bye-bye.

Ha ha. Aw,
isn't that sweet.

You...[Coughs]
love her, too.

That was real sweet.
Ha ha, ha ha...

What are we talking about?

That was my
girlfriend, melissa.

She's flying
in from new york
to visit me tomorrow.

Tomorrow? That's like
a couple of days away.

Ok. Man, I gotta
clean this place up.
This place is a mess.

Don't worry, honey
bunny. Kel and I

Will help you clear
out this junk.
Cool.

[Grunts]

[Hums]

♪ Got to clean,
got to clean... ♪

Uh!

[Humming]

Wait a minute!
I've got class tomorrow.

I can't pick melissa
up from the airport.

Don't worry, man.
Kel and I will go
pick her up for ya.

Ah!

Come on. Would y'all
come and help me?

I gotta clean up
the whole house
by myself.

Huh?

P.a.: Miss fields to
the red courtesy phone.

Miss fields
to the red courtesy phone.

You see her?

No.

You know, I don't
even know what
she looks like.

Don't worry about it.
I know what to do.

Are you melissa?

Hey--hey,
are you melissa?

Wh--is anybody
here named melissa?

Excuse me.

My name is melissa.

Oh, melissa! Oh!

It's so good
to see you.

Uh, wait a minute now.

Eric said you were
a little bit
older, but...

Dang!

Well, let me take
your bags for ya.

Oh! Oh...

That's kinda heavy.
Wait a minute.

Just put my back
into it.
There we go.

Hi, I'm melissa.

Oh, melissa,
hey. I'm kenan.

How was your trip?

Hey, kenan.
I found melissa.

Kel, that's not
melissa, man.

This is melissa.
That's just
an old lady.

You lied to me!
You impostor!

Take your ol' stupid bag
and get outta here.

[Grunting]

You know, it felt
like I hit some--

Uh-oh!

Wake up, melissa.
Please wake up.

Oh...wake up, melissa!

Melissa!
Hey, kenan.

H-here's that
water you wanted.

Good, throw it
in her face, man.

Uh, kel?

[Yells] I said throw
it in herface!

I'm sorry. I thought you
said throw it in yourface.

You know, like "yer".

Why would i--
[sputters]

Oh, never mind.

Just go get another
glass of water.

Ok, ok...

[Phone rings]

Uh...e-e-eric's apartment.

Hey, eric. Ha...
How's it going?

How are ya? Yeah, 'cause
we're all fine here.

Yeah...all right...

Uh-huh...oh, ok...

Uh, oh, no problem picking
her up at all, no, no--

Oh, you wanna speak to her?

Oh, well, uh...
U-unfortunately she's, uh...

In the bathroom
right now, yeah.

Completely awake...
Yeah, that's right...

Yeah...oh...uh...uh...

[Making static noises]

I think we have
a bad connection, uh...

I'm sorry...[Static sounds]

I seem to be losing ya.

I must be going through
a tunnel or something.

All right, bye.

Ah--ah, kel!

What are you doing?

I'm puttin' peanut
butter on her face.

Why?

To wake her up. Duh!

Hey! Maybe next time
you can try a good idea!

Well, how about this?

Huh?

Oh...oooh...where am i?

What's going on?

Oh--oh, see,
you passed out,

So I put peanut
butter on your face,

And then I let you
sniff my shoe.

Who are you guys?

Oh, that's kel
and I'm kenan.

You know, eric's cousin?

Who's eric?

You know, eric.
Your boyfriend.

I don't know
anyone named eric.

Kel!

She doesn't remember
anything, man.

I think she's got amnesia.

Amnesia! Amnesia!
Oh, no. Not amnesia.

What's amnesia?

Amnesia means that
she lost her memory.

Probably because you
hit her over the head
with the suitcase.

Hey--hey, wait a minute.
I saw this on tv once.

All we have to do is hit
her over the head again

And she'll get
her memory back.

K-k-kel, this isn't tv, man.

I don't think you can--
no--no--don't--

Kel!

Stop hittin' the girl
over the head with stuff!

What am I supposed to
hit her over the head
with, then?

Nothin'!

Wait. I got an idea.

Maybe we can show her
a picture of eric.

It might help her start
remembering stuff.

Help me look.ok.

Oh...

Ok.

[Grunts]

Hey--hey, I found--

Ga--ga--ga--down!

Kel, she's gone!

Oh, I know, kenan.
She left. I saw her.

And you didn't do anything?!

Of course, I did.

I waved good-bye.

Why-y-y-y-y-y?!

What?
Oh, no.you're kiddin' me.

And somewhere along the way,

They put peanut butter
all over my face.

Don't worry, baby.
You're with us now.

We'll protect ya.

All right. I'm gonna
go clean myself up.

Kel: oh! There she is, kenan.

But who are all
those people she's with?

Oh, man, she
probably thinks
she knows those guys

'Cause she lost
her memory.

Aw, we gotta
save her. Come on.

But--but--

All right, just
try to act casual

Till we can get melissa
alone, all right?

Let's just play some
pool or something.

Wait a minute. I
didn't know we were
going to the pool.

I should have brought
my swim trunks.

Not that kind of pool,
dimwit. This kind.

Ohhhhhh...

Can we play marco polo?

Yeah, yeah, see,
I'll cover my eyes
and yell "marco",

And then you
say "polo".

And then I'll try to
find you. Come on,
let's try it.

Marco!

Marco!

Marco!

Hey, I'm marco.
What do you want?

Um...
Um, nothing.

Look, mr. Marco,
it was a game.

You're supposed to
say "polo", but--but--

Nver mind. Why don't
you go buy yourself
a soda or something.

[Grunts]

Uh...kenan. Kel.

Chris. What're
you doing here?

Mother likes to make
a little extra money

On the weekends
playing pool.

Oh. So your mother's
here, then.

Uh, yeah...no...
She's...

Hey, what's with
the third degree?!

She's outside with
the motorcycle.

[Motorcycle revs]

Oh. That must
be her, see?

Uh, gotta go. Bye.

Bye...freak.

He is so cool.

Man, let's just get
some sticks and play.

All right.

I don't know how
to play this game
but I'll try.

Wow. Nice sh*t, kel.

Ahhhhhhhh!

Ooooh...

Ah! Ah!

Whoooooooooooo!

Man, this game is easy!

Ha ha ha. Man,
this game is so easy,

I'm gonna--

What are you doing?

Hey! That's them.
Those are the guys

That hit me over
the head at the airport.

No! That's--that's
not what happened,

That's not
what happened.

That is what happened,
but not in that kind
of way that she said.

Because, she's my cousin's
girlfriend, and--

Maybe she used to
be his girlfriend,

But she's
my girlfriend now.

[Laughs] no, she's not.

She just thinks
she's your girlfriend

'Cause she lost
her memory.

Yeah, and, I mean,
who'd wanna be
yourgirlfriend?

Kel! Shhhh!
He doesn't mean that.

Yes, I do. I mean,
look at you.

You're all big and
ugly and tattooed.

Pound him,
mad dog!
Get him!

[All screaming]

Wait--wait--wait--wait--

Ho--ho--mr.--Mr. Dog--

Sir--sir mad, um,

Regarding the pounding,

Look, I was wondering if we--

Look! The great wall of china!

Kel.

Shh, kenan.
I'm looking at
the great wall of china.

There ain't no great wall
of china over there!

I mean--run!

[Screaming]

They got away.

But don't worry.
Those guys

Won't be bothering
you anymore.

Thank you, mad dog.

Hey, I know what would
take your mind off 'em.

Why don't we go and
get some tattoos?

Ok!

Ok, kel, there they go.

Come on.
Let's follow 'em.

Sorry.
It's all right.

We just got to get
melissa away from
that biker.

[Whining]
aw, do we have to?

Can't we just tell eric
that his woman don't
love him no more?

Kel, she's got
no memory.

She doesn't know
what she's doing.

We have to get
her back.

Aw, bad things
are gonna happen!

I know.

Oh...oh, I'm afraid.

Ohhhhh...

Hi there, sweeties.
Welcome to the ink stain.

You two cupcakes
here for tattoos?

Uh-uh-uh.

Yes--yes, we are.

We're here for
exactly that reason.

Ok, well, I already got
two other customers,

So take a seat and
I'll be with you
in a few minutes.

Melissa must be in one
of these two booths.

You check that one,
and I'll take this
one over here.

I'm right on it.

Hey! I'm ready for
my tattoo. Now!

Uh...hey! I said
I'm ready now!

Ohhhhhh.

I want a tattoo of a really
mean-looking butterfly.

Now start tattooing
before I get angry!

Don't get angry.

Let me just put a
little bit of this--

Oh...oh...

Ah--ohhhh!

[Needle buzzes]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hey, sorry to
interrupt, but, uh...

Your momma's on the phone.

Yeah. She got...bit
by a stray...alligator.

Now she's all foaming
at the mouth,

You know, like
she got the rabies.

Aw, fiddlesticks!
Not again!

You! What are
you doing here?

I came to rescue ya.

Mad dog!
No, don't do--

Mad dog!

Mad dog!

Please don't remember
that when you get
your memory back.

Ain't you done yet?

Hey--hey--hey!
Hey--hey--hey!

I'll be done
when I'm done.

Now stop interrupting me.
I'm trying to work.

[Needle buzzes]

Pssst! Kel!

Kenan. I'm trying
to work here.

Kel! Come on, man.

What? Oh.

Look, I got her.

Yeah!

Come on.

[Both straining]

Here we go.

Both: hup--hup--hup--hup--hup--

[Clunk]both: oh!

Hey! You two!

Ahhhhhh!ahhhhhh!

Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhh!

[Yelling and screaming]

Help me.

What happened?
What happened?
What happened?

Yeah! Whoooo!

Aw, man.come on, let's go.

Aw, she's heavy!
Too heavy!

Shhhhh.aw! Aw! Aw!

But don't worry. Look.

We don't have to
carry her much further.

We just gotta get her
upstairs to my room,

And then we can
ice down her face

And try to figure out
how to get her
memory back.

[Tv announcer speaks
indistinctly][woof]

My parents!

Kel, my parents are
sitting right there!

Ok, look. I'm gonna
go in there and
distract them,

You sneak her
upstairs to my room.

W-wait a minute. Kenan,
you can't just leave.

She's too heavy.
I can't--

You can do it.

Kenan--ah,
I'm goin' down!

I'm goin' down, ah!

Hi, kenan.

Uh, mother, father.
How's it going?

Oh, good, son.
Everything ok?

Oh--oh, of course it is.
Yeah, everything's fine,
uh, actually,

I have been meaning to
speak to the two of
you about something.

Why don't we go
into the other room?

I think that'd be best.

Why don't you tell us
about it right here?

Sure. I can do that.

Uh...what is it?

Well, uh, I've been
meaning to show ya...

This, uh, new dance that
I've been working on.

Dance?
Dance?

Yeah, uh, dance is
apparently what I said.

I guess, i...you know...

I have to show ya.

It goes a little
something like this.

Start to get the--
in the back--

Yeah, you know
what I'm sayin?

...in the back, you
know what I'm sayin'?

Then you start doing
this right here.

Deeday! Pah pah!

Let me feel
your whole self.

For your whole self.

Yeah, you know
what I'm sayin'?

Whoo!

I am glad
that we had this
quality time together.

I'll see you all
later. All right.

Ohhh! Did I show you
the part of the dance

That I go--
oooh--oooh!

Yeah, you raise
the roof,

Party!

Yeah, that's
all that is.

Party, you know
what I'm sayin'?

I said...

That's all you do.

Son, are you feeling ok?

Ahhhh. Yeah. Wait.
There you go.

Whooo! Oh, man.

Oh, man. Ohhh,
there we go.

Whooo!

[Grunts]

Oh, there we go.

Ok. Oh. Oh,
there we go.

[Straining]

Ok. Turn around. Ok.

Gotcha on the door.

All right. You're
doing it yourself now,

There you go.

Oh!oh!

Aw, kenan, what
are we gonna do now?

Uh...um...

Don't worry.
I got a plan.

Ok, we'll just
stick her in my bed

And then when eric
comes to get her,

We'll tell him that she's
taking a nap. Yeah.

Ok, but what about her face?

It looks all swollen and puffy.

Well...uh...
Let me see.

Makeup! We'll put
makeup on her face.

B-but what about
her memory?

Man, do I have to
think of everything?

Just help me put
the makeup on.

[In sing-song]
well, I wanna do
the lipstick!

I wanna do the lipstick!

Here.

Oooh.

Whoo! Ok.

There we go. Now let's
do something with her hair.

Well, you know,
I was thinking of

A spiral perm,
you know, with some
auburn highlights

That will really
bring out the green
in her eyes.

Really? 'Cause
I was thinking
more of a bob with--

Never mind. I'm gonna
go get a brush.

Hmm. Well, let me
just fix your hair.

Let's see, uh...

Oooh! Hair spray.

Here we go.
All right, all right.

[Hums]

Feel this.
Oh, nice, very.

Mm-hmm. Let's get
on in there.

Ok. There we go. Aw,
this looks real nice.

That looks realnice.
Look at that.

Definitely nice.

That looks nice.

Ahhhhhhhhh!
Spray glue?!

Oh! Oh--oh--
oh--oh--oh!

Kel! Kel!
What are you doing?

I accidentally glued
my hands to her hair.

Kel, why would you
do something like--

Mom: kenan? Kenan,
your cousin eric's here.

Eric's here! Aw,
he's here man!

Hurry up, man. We gotta
get your hands unstuck.

Ok. Pull. Pull.

It's not working!

Eric: kenan, you
coming down here or what?

Uh, be right there.

Oh, come on, man. We gotta
get your hands unstuck.

Pull hard.
Ahhh...ahhhhhh!

[Rip]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Hey, eric.
What's happening?what's happening?

Oooooooh!

Hey, eric. How's my
favorite cousin doing?

All right,
give me some love.

All right, give me
some love, ha ha, yeah--

Wh-who's that?

This is my
girlfriend, melissa.

The one you were
supposed to pick up at
the airport and didn't.

Kenan.kenan, that is
so irresponsible of you.

Yes it is,
irresponsible!

What's wrong
with you, kenan?

If that's melissa,
well, then, who--oh!

Where am i?

Wait a minute.
I know what happened.

We picked up the wrong girl
from the airport.

[Laughs hysterically]

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you.

Did everybody enjoy
the television program
this evening?

[Cheers]

All right.
Whoa, man.

Man, you know, kel,

It's episodes like
this that really
make me think about

The whole karma--
destiny--fate
type thing.

You know what
I'm saying?

Really?
No, I was just
kidding, man.

But I'd be happy
if we never see
that biker again.

Yeah. What was he
mad about, anyway?

Well, let's see, kel.
I mean, we stole
his girlfriend,

Knocked her unconscious,

Ripped out a bunch
of her hair,

Then you gave him
a bad tattoo.

You're just lucky
he don't know

Where we are at
this moment in time.

Boy, 'cause if he
knew where we were

Right at this moment,

Boy, it could be
some hard times then,

I tell ya, 'cause he
looked like one angry--

He's...standing right
behind me, isn't he?

[In squeaky voice] yes.

Which one of you two

Drew this bottle of
orange soda on me?

He did it.

Really?
Yes.

It was you?
Yeah.

Well, let me
tell you something.

I love it!

Y-you do?

I do--i do--
I do-oo.

You gotta do all
my tattoos for me.

Ha ha! Yeah!

You know what, kel?
That gives me an idea.

Why don't you grab
a flotation device,

A bottle of
hot sauce,

And a guy
named mad dog.

And meet me at
the volcano.

Now come on-a!
Scrubby!

Man!

Where am I gonna find
somebody named mad dog?

Grrrrr.

Ohhhhhh.

Ahhhhhhhhh, here it goes!

Why-y-y-y-y-y-y-y?!