18x03 - Mother Of Invention

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

♪ Heartbeat

♪ Why does a love kiss stay in my memory? ♪

WOMAN:No!

WAILS IN PAIN

Barbara, it's all right. The ambulance is here.

♪ I see the worried look

♪ Upon your face...

-Ow! - Come out of there.

I'll do it.

♪ You've got your troubles I've got mine

♪ She's found somebody else

♪ To take your place

♪ You've got your troubles

♪ I've got mine

Oh, dear.

BELL RINGING

♪ I too have lost my love today

♪ All of my dreams have blown away

TYRES SCREECHING

♪ Now just like you I sit and mourn

CAR HORN HONKS

♪ You've got your troubles

♪ I've got mi-ii-ine ♪

DAWN: Hey, have you seen this?

You're in the paper.

"My guardian angel."

Well, I left my wings and harp at home today.

Have you seen this, David?

Oh. Ahh!

"Nurse Carol Cassidy, , risked her life

to rescue mother-to-be Barbara Gresham

from a wrecked ambulance."

-Haven't got my age right. -Let's see.

LAUGHS

"Former Dr Barnardo's girl Carol

now lives in Aidensfield."

Oh, well. They got that bit right at least.

Dr Barnardo's?

Does that mean you're an orphan? That's really sad.

It's my business and I wish it wasn't all over the paper.

"Mother and baby are doing well."

I've got to go. They're coming out of hospital today.

That should be about right.

Bye.

What's her problem?

I mean, I'd be chuffed having my picture in the paper.

Not everyone's like you. Are you busy?

No. Not without the taxi, I'm not.

That funeral we did last week for Reg Vane.

What, the chimney sweep?

Aye. I've agreed to take his old van in part payment.

Would you collect it for us? Mind the seats.

Might be on the sooty side I shouldn't wonder.

Well, what's the name?

Hercules.

GEOFF: Is that Miss or Mrs?

The dog is called Hercules, not me.

Oh. I see.

-Geoff. - Hold on a minute, Alf.

How long did you say it's been gone?

Since last night.

Well, I'll take the details,

but you might be better talking to the RSPCA.

-Geoff. - The RSPCA?

Is there a problem, Mrs Worthington?

I've lost Hercules.

He's a cairn terrier.

I've told the lady there's not much really we can do.

We will make every effort to find Hercules

and return him to you as soon as we can.

- I'll take your address. -No need.

Thank you, sergeant.

DOOR OPENS

We don't usually look for lost dogs.

We do when they belong to the chief constable.

Mrs Worthington is his wife.

You might have said.

I've given baby a bath and put him in his cot.

- Right. What about a name? - I can't decide.

Well, they do books of names now.

I could get you one from the library.

Hey. You look all-in.

I feel so useless.

You're bound to for the first few weeks.

And you were in a serious accident too.

I'm not going to sit here feeling sorry for myself.

There's too much to do.

Don't push yourself too hard.

I'll come in, as often as I can.

How about your neighbours? Could they help?

No. They're a bit funny with me.

-And the father? -He doesn't wanna know.

Right.Well, I guess it's just you and me then.

Hmm.

Are you looking for Carol?

Oh. Yeah. Erm, is this where she lives?

It is, but the Land Rover's not here.

She's probably out on her rounds.

-Is it urgent? - Erm, no.

I'm Janet Burr. I'm an old friend of Carol's.

I haven't seen her in yonks.

- I should try later. - OK. Thank you.

I thought it was in better nick than this.

Hey.

He's left all his old brushes.

You'll have soot everywhere.

They might be worth a bob or two.

- To a sweep. - Well, yeah.

They're a bit thin on the ground

round here, aren't they?

Are you still here, Younger?

On my way, sergeant.

It would be helpful if you were out too, Mr Ventress.

Well, it's not really my job.

That's if you can spare some of your valuable time?

I don't want to see you back until you've found that dog.

You too, Wetherby.

I've had the chief constable on the phone.

His wife's not happy. So he's not happy.

And I most certainly won't be

until we find that flaming mutt!

Someone was looking for you.

Oh? Do I wanna know who? An old friend.

Tell me.

Janet Burr.

-Janet? - Hm.

I don't believe it. Where is she?

Well, I don't think she's gone too far.

She said she'd be back soon.

I haven't seen her for ages.

Who is she?

We used to be best friends when we were , .

I'll need to ask her for the gossip

about your misspent youth.

Don't you dare! She knows far too much.

Sorry about that. See you soon.

You know, everybody keeps talking about that van.

They all want their chimneys swept.

Hey, well, you could do it.

You need something to do

while your taxi's being mended.

What? I wouldn't know where to start.

David, it's shoving a broom up a chimney!

It's not as simple as that.

You've gotta know what you're doing and he doesn't.

Well, that's not very nice, is it, Bernie?

PHONE RINGS

Would you answer that please, Dawn?

DAWN SIGHS

Don't listen to her.

She's worse than your Aunt Peg.

Janet! This is amazing!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Oh, you too.

- You're looking great. - You too.

- Oh. - Oh.

Are you sure this isn't a bad time?

No. I've got a patient coming in a minute,

but don't worry.

Oh, I can't get over this.

You've done well for yourself. It's lovely here.

- Yeah, it's nice. - And that policeman?

Oi, you, hands off. I know what you're like.

You really have fallen on your feet.

So, how about you? What are you up to now?

Oh, I'm definitely not dating any coppers.

Oh, you've still got your teddy.

It's just to distract the kids

when I'm doing something horrible, like inoculations.

Oh, that's my patient. Sorry.

Would you mind waiting a moment? Thanks.

So how long are you here for?

A couple of days. Staying at the pub.

Oh, brilliant.

Say it. Why am I turning up here like a bad penny?

I know that's what you're thinking.

OK. What are you doing turning up like a bad penny?

Well...guess where I ended up working?

Dr Barnardo's, Stepney.

You hated Dr Barnardo's.

Yeah. Well...

You know how, when we were kids,

they never told us anything about our families?

Well, I wanted to find out

what was really on the records.

So I got in there and I had a look.

-You found your file? - Yeah.

My mum d*ed in the w*r. And Dad, pfft, who knows?

But I had a look at yours.

I looked you up.

Carol, love, I've found your mum.

I hope you don't mind, but I went to see her.

-Where? - Leeds.

But you can see her for yourself.

She's called Margaret and she's here.

I've got your mum for you.

I'm afraid there's no progress to report so far.

Well, you have had all morning.

Yes, unfortunately, he's a small dog

in a very large area.

I am aware, so I've had these made up.

I would like your men to display them prominently.

£ is a very large reward.

Hercules is very dear to me, sergeant.

As I'm sure my husband has made clear.

Yes, he has.

Several times.

PC Wetherby, can I buy you a drink?

Not while I'm on duty.

It's this misunderstanding about them hares.

As soon as Sergeant Miller signs off the paperwork

-I'll go to the magistrates. - There's no need.

I'll see you in court. I should pack a toothbrush.

Hiya. Well, you've really put the wind up Peggy.

Think you've got a case?

- I'm quietly confident. - Good for you.

I was wondering if I could have a quiet word.

Oh, yeah. OK. Do you wanna go in the snug?

What can I do for you?

I'm afraid I've yet another form

from the Widows Fund I need you to sign.

Oh, you didn't have to come over specially.

No, it's no bother. To be honest, it suited me.

Well, you certainly brightened up their day.

The effect a uniform has on a woman, eh?

-Not my wife. - I haven't seen her for ages.

Why don't you bring her over for a drink?

No. Tricky. Baby-sitting and that.

If you could just sign on that dotted line.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, that's great news. When are you going to see her?

After work.

Carol, this isn't exactly the kind of thing

that happens every day.

- Take the afternoon off. - I can't.

You do want to see her?

SIGHS

I don't know.

-I don't know. - Why not?

I've spent my life thinking I didn't have a mother.

Now I do.I don't know what that means.

It's got to be good news.

Oh, I suppose so.I just...

SIGHS

-I just feel numb. - Obviously it's a shock.

Any normal person would be dancing and throwing a party.

I'm not saying that.

But you hold people at arm's length when you don't need to.

Someone gets too close and the shutters come down.

Going to tell me about her?

-I don't know anything. - Nothing at all?

I thought she was dead.

I suppose the truth is I hoped she was.

I was the little girl that thought

every birthday, every Christmas,every Easter...

maybe this time she'll come and see me.

This time she'll send me a present.

All the other kids had someone.

A relative. Somebody.Not me.

So my mum, she had to be dead

because the only other reason was that she didn't want me.

I can understand you being cautious

but wouldn't it be better to know for sure?

Maybe.

Anyway, she's here now. She can tell me herself.

PHONE RINGS

Nurse Cassidy.

I'll come over straightaway.

Don't worry. Bye.

I've got to go. Barbara's baby's not well.

- You really need to go now? - Yes.

SIGHS

Look, I know what you're saying.

Just let me do this in my own time, OK?

What you have to remember is, it's mission impossible.

You never find a missing dog.

It either turns up or it doesn't.

Oh, but Sergeant Miller said...

Sergeant Miller knows that as well as I do.

The chief constable knows that.

The only person who doesn't is his wife.

It's all a question of keeping the lid on her.

Well, what am I supposed to do, then?

A cup of tea and a sandwich.

♪ Well, I've been searching

- Alf. - Oh, no.

Hercules!

♪ And I've been searching... ♪

Oh, I'm not so sure about this.

You're doing great, David.

COUGHS

Do you think that's come out the chimney yet?

I can't see it, David.

Oh. You look like that bloke from Mary Poppins.

Who?

Erm, thingy. Erm...

♪ Chim-chiminee Chim-chiminee

♪ Chim, chim-cheree ♪

You know. The bloke that dances with the penguins.

- What are you on about? - Oh, forget it, David.

There's summat not quite right here.

Just try it once more.

GRUNTS

Agghh!

Owww!

What did I tell you? It works!

GEOFF:Hercules.

Hercules, come on.

Good boy!

Come on, Hercules.

Well, I can't climb over that.

Here.Try this.

Come on, Hercules.

Come on, boy.

Good boy.Good boy.

BARKS

Got you!

I don't think there's any harm done,

but I'd like a doctor to take a look at him.

COOS

He's had a bit of shock. You too.

If I can't change his nappy without dropping him...

I'll try to come over to help more often.

Will you keep an eye on him while I phone the doctor?

-I'm no good at this. -Of course you are.

Barbara, you're going to be a wonderful mum.

I'm very sorry, Mrs Worthington.

She's a bitch.

You can't say that about the chief constable's wife.

The dog you found is a bitch.

Oh. Oh, right.What do you want me to do with her?

Put her in the kennel and hope somebody claims her soon.

Yes, sergeant.

There are still some posters left, Wetherby.

Stick them up somewhere.

A waste of a good pork pie.

Got an idea of where to stick 'em.

What shall we call her now that she's not Hercules?

Well, you don't want to get too attached.

She'll have to be put down if she's not claimed in a week.

WHIMPERS

Er, David?David!

It took me flipping ages to calm Aunt Peggy down.

I've had enough.

No! I've been around the village.

We've got a full order book for tomorrow.

Well, I don't care.

Well, that's a shame.

Here's your quote for your new radiator.

-What? - You'll earn that tomorrow.

-Oh! - First chimney's at nine.

I'll tell Bernie you need the van.Bernie!

But...

KNOCK ON DOOR

I've brought Margaret.

I thought you were gonna come to the pub.

I'm sorry.

I had to see you. You were so near.

Come in.

MARGARET: Carol, it's all right.

Well, let me introduce you.

This is your mum.

Shall I make us some tea?

Maybe give you two time to talk.

OK, right.

-Would you like to sit down? -Thank you.

Sorry. I don't know what to say.

Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

I was all for going home, but Janet's so enthusiastic.

You should have warned me.

I understand if you don't want me to stay.

I didn't think you'd ever want to see me.

But could I just explain? Tell you why.

That's your father.

We were married in ,

six months before he joined the air force.

And your brother was born a year later.

My brother? Do you know where he is?

No. I've no idea.I'm sorry.

Your dad d*ed in action

three months before you were born.

And then I got TB. I was ill for a long time.

And I had to give you up.

Both of you.

Then what?

I didn't have a house or money.

I couldn't take you back.

You never came to see me.

You never wrote.

I wanted to.

I was advised not to.

But then when Janet got in touch, it was too much.

My Carol.

Did I do the wrong thing?

No.

Younger, what have you done about that stray

that you brought in yesterday?

I've taken her for a nice long walk

and bought her a big marrow bone.

Find the owner.

She was howling all night

and the neighbours are complaining.

Oh, you're in the doghouse, Geoff.

While he's doing that, you get find the real dog.

I don't know much about dogs, sergeant.

Then find someone who does.

Er,Alf, any ideas?

As a matter of fact I have,

but I'm not sure that you'd like it.

Help the police? You've got a nerve.

I know it's highly irregular

but we might be able to reach some compromise.

Compromise? With you lot?

I don't think so.

You'll get what you want and I'll go to a new home

with bars on the windows.

I'm asking you as a favour.

Why should I?

You didn't do me any favours when you arrested me.

Ah. Now about that, I can't make any promises

but I may be able to swing something.

Ah, you say that now, but, no, I'm not interested.

Oh, there's a big reward too.

- Is there? - Mm.

I've just had a call from Barbara Gresham's neighbour.

What's wrong?

They had an argument with her. Nothing serious.

- I thought to let you know. - I'll go as soon as I can.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, I've lost some tranquillisers,

Benzodiazepine, from my bag.

Has anyone had access to the bag?

Well, I've always got it with me.

I can't think what I've done.

You've had other things to think about.

-That's no excuse. -Did you meet your mother?

Yeah, they came over last night.

Well, what's wrong?

Nothing.

But it wasn't what you were expecting?

Well, that's what's so strange.

It was.

What she told me last night

was like the stories I used to make up about my mum.

It just seems too good to be true, that's all.

Well, that's OK, isn't it?

Not if I don't believe her.

Why would she lie to you?

I don't know. I just know what I feel.

I can't believe she's my mother.

You've only just met her. Give it time.

Hm.

♪ Chim-chiminee, chim-chiminee

♪ Chim, chim-cheree

♪ A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be

♪ Chim-chiminee Chim-chiminee

♪ Chim, chim-chero

♪ Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you

♪ Oh, blow me a kiss

♪ And that's lucky too ♪

Sorry to disturb you, Mrs Gresham.

It's Miss not Mrs. It matters to some people.

What happened to your window?

It's the neighbours.

Is there a problem with your neighbours?

They don't want to live next door

to what they call 'that slut.'

I told 'em I weren't going anywhere else.

The next thing you know, that happened.

They said you were shouting in the street.

I'd had enough. This isn't the first time.

We need to do something about it.

If you could just make a statement.

No. I don't want any more trouble.

I don't want any more... anything.

Even if you don't want to pursue this,

they should be made aware of what they've done.

Your baby could have been hurt.

-What's his name? - Haven't decided yet.

It must be difficult choosing.

Difficult? A year ago I had a nice job.

Friends who talked to me.

People didn't twitch curtains and call me names.

That's difficult.

I hate it.

CRIES

Oh, David!

CHUCKLES

I can't do Mr Blaketon's chimney.

Yes, you can.

That fire was meant to have been put out.

Hold on, David. David, hold on.

What do you think you're doing?

The chimney, remember?

Oscar will go mad.

Have you read that brass plaque?

That fire's never been put out

since Queen Victoria took shelter in here.

About time it was swept, then.

Get some of those hot coals off.

That fire better be lit by the time Oscar gets back.

It will.

You hold and I'll stick.

Carol, this isn't gonna work.

I'm not looking after him. He won't feed.

Well, he's putting weight on.

It's not that.

I'm not a mother.

Come and sit down.

I talked to the hospital

and I think they sent you home too early.

It's my fault too. I should be here more.

Look, you've had a really hard few weeks.

You're in pain.

You've hardly had a chance to get to know your baby yet.

It's more than that.

I'm not sure I want him.

Of course you do.

You're his mother

and he's such a lovely little boy.

I know it's not an easy situation, but you're tough.

You'll get through this.

How would you feel about going to a nursing home

for a couple of weeks?

SCOFFS

DOG BARKS

Younger!

I wasn't expecting you back so soon.

What's it doing in my office?

Oh, she doesn't seem to like the kennel very much.

I'm just giving her a bit of a break.

Get it out of here.

Yes, sergeant.

Come on. Good girl.

- And, Younger. - Yes, sergeant.

Fetch a mop and disinfectant.

Oh, dear.

MUSIC: 'Rumble' by Link Wray

-DAVID: Has it come out yet? - Give it another push.

Come on, a big lad like you.

- Give it some oomph. - Agh!

GASPS

Hmm. David!

LAUGHS

Oh, no.

-It's well out of the way. - How Paddy Peart likes it.

Who is he?

Paddy? He breeds so-called pedigree terriers.

I've got more of a pedigree than half of them.

If anybody's stolen your Hercules, it'll be Paddy.

I just hope this isn't a wild-goose chase.

Agh!

CHUCKLES

I'm sorry to disturb you. Margaret, isn't it?

Yes, that's right.

-I'm Joe Mason. - Oh. Pleased to meet you.

I'm making enquiries about a missing dog.

Oh, look!

I don't suppose you've seen him?

No. Oh, he's a sweetie, isn't he?

-No, I'm sorry, love. -It was worth a try.

I suppose it's what you call a big crime round here, is it?

Yeah, you could say that.

Carol's lost pills, as well. It's all go.

- Maybe the dog took them. - Yeah, maybe.

CHUCKLES

I noticed from the register that you live in York.

Lonsdale Street.

I thought you were checking on the dog.

Oh, it's just curiosity. I used to live in York.

I can't for the life of me

remember where Lonsdale Street is.

It's just off the Hull Road.

Geography never was my strong point.

Thanks for your help.

DOGS BARKING

- Sounds like the place. - What did I tell you?

- There could be lots. - You'll have to look.

I'd need a warrant.

Well, there's nothing to stop me going in.

Well, that's trespassing.

For goodness' sake, do you want to find this dog?

-Yeah. Well... Yeah. - But you're scared of dogs.

-Not particularly. - Yes, you are.

Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

This isn't helping us find this dog.

Look, give me two minutes in there

and I'll get him for you.

All you have to do is keep Paddy talking.

Alf, could you check if there's anything on file

about a woman called Janet Burr?

Right, Er, I'll have a look. Er, do you have an address?

The one she's given me doesn't exist.

Joe, Carol Cassidy's just called.

She needs urgent assistance. She's in Old Church Lane.

Thanks, Geoff.

Oh, hello. Hello. Want a biscuit?

YELPS

Here.

I warned you about getting too attached.

She's on borrowed time, unless you find an owner.

Agh! Agh!

Agh! Look, we won't do pubs any more.

No, stop it!

Look, we won't do anything any more.

Oh, come on, David.

I don't know why you're so keen on this whole business.

- I want to help him. - It's not just that.

I saw a pair of dead groovy boots

in my new catalogue.

What? You've got me covered in soot,

into all sorts of trouble with Mr Blaketon,

-just for a flipping boot? - No!

There was a skirt I fancy as well.

That's just...

Right. Give that here.

David. David!

DAWN SCREAMING

MUSIC: 'Love Story' by Jethro Tull

CAROL: Barbara!

-What's happened? - I can't get into the house.

The neighbour said the baby's been in his pram for hours.

Is he all right?

He looks like it. But I'm more concerned about Barbara.

Stand back.

♪ I know what I will find

♪ That she is wasting time

♪ She could be picking

♪ Roses ♪

Oh, Barbara!

Benzodiazepine.

Barbara, come on. You've got to tell me.

How many pills did you take?

Can you hear us? We're here to help.

You wouldn't listen. I tried...

I'll radio for an ambulance.

Come on. Up you get. Come on.

Peace offering.

Thank you.

And I've got a favour to ask.

Oh, right. Well, all right.

So long as it doesn't involve any more chimney sweeping.

LAUGHING

No.It's just...

I really do love those boots, David.

-Oh, Dawn! No. -David!

David, just listen to me!

Janet,I'm sorry. This really isn't a good time.

No, I'm sorry. Look, I've just come to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Something's come up at home.

SIGHS

I've hardly seen you.

Well, maybe another time.

What about Margaret?

That's what I've come to talk to you about.

She's not well. She's not well at all.

Why? What's wrong with her?

Cancer.

She poured her heart out when I went to see her.

That's one of the reasons why I brought her here

without talking to you first.

I'm sorry.

The thing is, she's on her own, Carol.

She needs someone to take care of her.

What? You mean me?

She wouldn't ask you herself. That's why I'm doing it.

SIGHS

I can't think of anyone better.

Carol, please.

Larceny, false pretences, house break-in.

Two spells in prison.

It's a pretty impressive criminal record.

She was to be in front of the bench in Selby last week.

But skipped bail. Here's the warrant.

I'd better bring her in.

Ah, good afternoon, Mr Peart.

This is a routine check

to see if your dog licences are up to date.

Aye. They are.

Right. I'd like to see them, please. All of them.

DOGS BARK

What the blazes?

MR PEART: Who's in there?

I'll have you!

Come back! Come back! Stop them.

Get them! Come back!

Ah-ha! Not you, my lad. No, no.

You're coming with me.

DOGS BARKING

What's the problem?

Oh, I'm tired all the time. And sick too.

You might have picked up an infection.

Janet asked you about me coming to live here.

I'm really sorry if that was forward of her.

No.I didn't know you were so ill.

I'd never have thought of you but I have nowhere else to go.

I'm not sure this is the best place.

And it's not fair on you.

You can't just drop everything.

Well, there's only so much I can do.

When did you last see a doctor?

Er, last month.

Why don't I take you into hospital?

Carol, love. The doctors have already told me.

There's not much more they can do.

If I do go into hospital, I won't come out.

You want to live with me?

Please.

Margaret, do you remember this old thing?

Oh.

Hmm.

Oh, your grandad gave you this when you were born.

I remember when I left you at the home,

I tucked it into your cot.

You were fast asleep.

I didn't even dare kiss you goodbye in case I woke you up.

Get out. Both of you.

What are you talking about?

-I want you to leave. - Carol?

Why are you doing this to me? Why?

- She's your mother. - No, she's not.

What are you talking about? She's your mum!

Want to know where this teddy bear came from?I stole it.

You always had it. I remember--

No, I didn't.

When I was little,

I told everyone that my mum gave me a teddy bear

and how it was the only thing I had from home.

I almost believed it myself but it wasn't true.

I stole it from the nursery in one of the homes.

Look, you're confused.

No, I don't know why you're doing this,

but just go.

Margaret needs help.

I am begging you, as a friend.

She's dying, OK? You're supposed to help her!

That's enough!

SOBS

I want to say goodbye to Margaret.

You should have thought of that before.

You don't know what she means to me.

Enough for you to carry out a particularly cruel hoax.

Do you want to know what's cruel?

She's dying.

She's the only person I've ever loved

and I won't be able to look after her.

So you thought you'd con Carol into doing it for you?

SIGHS

I saw Carol in the paper.

It was like an answer to my prayers.

There must have been other ways.

I didn't have time.

SIGHS

The first time I was in prison,

Margaret looked after me.

I owe her more than you could ever know.

And Carol.

She's my friend. I wasn't trying to hurt her.

You wouldn't understand. You have a mother.

No, I don't. My mother's dead.

And you've never wanted her back?

I was giving Carol the best gift she's ever had.

WETHERBY: How did you know?

PEGGY: Well, Paddy Peart's a mean so-and-so.

He never feeds them dogs.

This one was five pounds heavier than the rest of 'em.

I know a spoilt dog when I see one.

Well, I should get him back to his owner.

Erm, why don't I help?

That way there'll be no misunderstanding

about who actually found him.

- Do you want to take him? - No.

You really don't like dogs, do you?

My wife's on about wanting one, but I hate them.

What about Paddy? Is he going to be arrested

for actually stealing the animal in the first place?

Could be tricky.

Seeing as we didn't exactly follow procedure.

Well, he's not gonna get off scot-free, is he?

It's gonna take him days

to round up the rest of them dogs!

There we are. Come on, then.

Oh, I'm not happy about this.

Close your eyes and pretend like it's not happening.

♪ Chim-chiminee Chim-chiminee

♪ Chim, chim-cheree

♪ Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you

♪ Oh, blow me a kiss and that's lucky too ♪

Oh, I am so delighted

that this good lady has succeeded

where you and your men failed so dismally.

'Ey, you're too kind.

Come home and see daddy-waddy-cheeky-botty.

Oh, oh, oh!

Do you think she meant the chief constable?

I'm afraid she did.

I hope she doesn't cuddle him. He's covered in fleas.

The... the dog I mean. Not the chief constable. Hmm.

-There was another matter. - Oh, yes. sarge, now.

About Mrs Armstrong

and this charge of taking game on a Sunday.

What about it?

I realise I may not

be able to establish beyond reasonable doubt

that the hares were k*lled on the Sunday.

It could have happened late-Saturday night.

- You want the charge dropped? - Might be for the best.

BARKS

-Beg your pardon. - MILLER: Younger?

If you can't find the owner, ring the vet.

- She'll have to be put down. - We can't do that, sergeant.

This is a police station not a dogs' home.

Shall I take her for you?

I'll look in again tomorrow.

OK.

What are you doing here?

I've come to take you out. You could do with it.

How is she?

They pumped her stomach.

The doctor thinks she'll pull through.

And the baby?

She doesn't want him.

I don't think she ever did.

I should have seen that.

You were just trying to do your best for them.

That's one way of looking at it.

SIGHS

They both could have d*ed

because I was so caught up in my own problems.

You can't blame yourself.

It's perfectly understandable

when you had other things on your mind.

It wasn't other things, it was the same thing.

Barbara and her baby, me and my mother.

All mixed up.

I got it so wrong.

I didn't listen to Barbara

and I started to believe that woman.

Believe that I had a mum.

Come here.

Here's to your taxi.

Mmm.And my new boots.

What I don't understand there

is why they pay me more for kissing

than they do for sweeping the chimney.

Oh, just hold...

- What? - Come here.

- It's not more soot, is it? - No, it's lipstick this time.

You're gonna have to get used to it now, David.

'Eh up. The usual?

Hm. I think we've earned it today.

I can't believe the nerve of them,

lying to Carol like that.

With the charges against her,

Janet Burr won't be conning anyone for a long time.

I'd like to get a statement from you too if I can,

relating to the theft of a certain teddy bear.

- Thought you were off duty. - Never off duty.

Well, in that case,

you shouldn't be drinking and I need this.

DAVID:Ah, is that yours?

It is.

Deefer won't be pleased

having this little fella around the house.

Well, I'm not keeping her. She's for PC Wetherby.

Erm, hold on.

Mrs Armstrong told me about how your missus wanted a dog.

You never said, so I phoned her.

Yeah, and she heard this sweet little thing

was going to be put down.

I don't want a dog.

No. But she does.

And it's not as if you're afraid of dogs or owt.

Oh, I think she likes you, Mr Wetherby.

Not as much as she likes your pork scratchings.

PEGGY:You've got a friend for life there.