02x03 - Discord

[bunniefuu]

[ACE] Previously on Heels

v*olence sometimes

suggests a deeper issue

going on with a child.

It's a miracle we got

out of that meeting

with them agreeing to

let Thomas back in school.

They wanted us to

acknowledge punching as wrong.

Punching isn't always wrong.

Mr. Jack Spade!

[CROWD EXCLAIMING]

[STACI] I'm sorry to

burden you with this.

You're my friend, not a burden.

You can stay here as long as you want.

My name is Crystal Tyler.

And I am the baddest

- bitch

- [CROWD CHEERING]

the DWL has ever seen.

- [CROWD] Crystal!

- Yeah!

[BOBBY] Congrats again, superstar.

- So why are you here?

- Ace?

Suits from up north

sent me to scout him.

He's not gonna leave

what we're building.

I've been calling Ace since last night.

[CAROL] He's gone.

[ACE] I'd like the restroom key, please.

[CLERK] Got to buy something.

I got Coke, Cherry Coke.

Stick them all up your ass, sir.

[DINER] Let me buy you a meal, partner.

Go find some other runaway

to make s'mores with.

[CLERK] If you're hiking

and camping Dover Springs,

- I hope you're all geared up.

- I was just gonna wear these.

[CLERK] You're gonna hike in soccer

shoes? It's pretty rough terrain.

Aah!

[MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

[SINGER] I'm not waiting for ♪

The answer ♪

♪

I will ♪

Walk in the shore ♪

To find you ♪

To find ♪

The peace that's your own ♪

Where you come from ♪

All that you want ♪

♪

One that's your own ♪

Place to call home ♪

Won't be ♪

Granted ♪

What is fair in love ♪

Is fair in w*r ♪

♪

What is fair in love ♪

Is fair in w*r ♪

One ♪

To one ♪

What's love ♪

In w*r? ♪

♪

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[YOUNG CAROL] Keep stirring, Jack.

Eddie Earl's coming to

dinner to maybe invest

in Daddy's wrestling league.

This cake is our way of saying "please."

"Please" sounds better with cake.

I got a good feeling about this.

[YOUNG TOM] Great.

Hope your good feelings turn into money.

[DARK MUSIC]

You stole a piece of cake.

- [YOUNG JACK] No, I didn't.

- Don't be sinning

twice at once stealing and lying.

- Move it.

- You said I could have a piece.

After Eddie had his! Pants down!

- [YOUNG JACK] I'm sorry, Mommy.

- Too late for sorry. Pants down!

♪

- [WHACK]

- [CRYING] Aah!

- [WHACK]

- [WHIMPERING]

- The hell's going on?

- He stole a piece of cake, then lied!

I won't be mother to a liar.

Eddie's due any second, Carol!

You're unreal.

- [WHACK]

- [YOUNG JACK CRIES]

Aah!

[EDDIE] You got the sponsorship, Tom!

This is gonna be great for

the whole town of Duffy.

[TOM] It's the start of

something great, Eddie.

- [CAROL] Bye. Thank you!

- [DOOR CLOSES]

[GIGGLING]

Eddie Earl's giving us some money!

Daddy is so happy.

Now, Jack, a mommy's job is

to show her son how to behave.

"Chasten thy son while there is hope,

and let not thy soul

spare for his crying."

Proverbs 19:18.

You became a better person today.

I'll get some cream for your boo-boos.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪

[TV ANNOUNCER] Thirty-six

hours of steady rainfall

have left many homeless

in the Metro area,

knee-deep in flood waters.

[JACK SIGHS]

[CAROL] Put my phone down.

You gonna use the

landline till I find Ace.

Ace don't wanna be found.

This is Dad's belt.

And I wear it sometimes

to remind me to not be you.

I been thinking a lot

about you, how you behaved.

[CAROL] Well, boo-hoo.

Now, give me my phone.

Ace needs to be left alone.

You don't know what Ace

needs any more than I do.

Know this though if me and

Ace end up k*lling each other,

you will have played a big part in why.

[HEAVY MUSIC]

♪

[GROANS] Ohh Oh ah!

Ah

[BIRD SCREECHES]

[GROANING] Ah ah! sh*t.

Aah

ohh f*ck!

- [CRYSTAL GROANS, LAUGHS]

- [BOBBY] One more.

[CRYSTAL] I can't.

[BOBBY] I disagree. Come on.

[CRYSTAL BREATHES HEAVILY]

[RAP MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]

[BOBBY] Here we go.

Push. Come on.

- [GROANS] Uhh

- Yes!

- Nice.

- Okay.

- Look great.

- Yeah. Thanks for

pushing me to dig deep.

In that case, one more set.

[CRYSTAL] I ha.

[TV IN BACKGROUND]

You're a good son,

Deandre, buying me this bed.

Too generous.

Oh, look, Pops, now that

I'm the champ at Dystopia,

I make this in a day.

Yeah. I worry about you

in that car crash wrestling

they do at Dystopia.

You'd never catch Rocky Johnson

using barbed wire to b*at a man.

- Do it with his bare hands.

- Ha ha. Look, Pops.

I got this. Look, I'm gonna go work out.

Now, you text me if you

invite a lady over here

to break in your new bed.

I'ma need the heads up.

- Okay.

- Okay? [LAUGHING]

- All right, son.

- All right, now listen.

- I know how loud you can get.

- [CHUCKLING]

[MOODY MUSIC]

♪

[SIGHS]

Let's rip this fart together.

Hell yeah. [CHUCKLES]

The time has finally come.

He's one of the greatest to

ever step between the ropes,

three-time World Champion,

six-time Tag Team Champion,

the only man to wrestle

three different species

and defeat two of them.

It's the "Wild Bill Hancock" podcast!

Diego Cottonmouth here,

your masked menace luchador, producing.

Bill, you said you wanted to cover

not just wrestling, but life.

You want each episode to be

wide-ranging and estranging.

Diego, my goal is to use the truth

to offend as many people as I can.

[LAUGHS] So, look, lots to discuss,

but your fans got tons of questions,

and they're gonna fast forward

until they get the answers.

So let's talk DWL first.

Folks have had difficulty

following all the swerves

at the DWL lately

Uh, Crystal defeating

both you and Jack Spade.

Defeat's a dubious conclusion.

Well, she has the belt. You do not.

Is that not a defeat?

A setback is not a defeat.

Uh-huh.

Now, Crystal, in her rise to DWL champ,

had stints as Ace Spade

and Bobby Pin's valet.

[WILD BILL] Correct.

But she re-enlisted as

your valet, Bunny Bombshell.

I saved that lassie from the swamp.

But the moment I was in

need of the very services

a valet renders,

she forgot everything I'd done for her.

The only reason she can

hang with the big boys

is 'cause I taught Crystal Tyler

everything she knows!

Now she's proving herself

worthy to learn the rest of it

in the opposing corner of the ring.

I don't care if you're a

man, woman, or alien species.

You step through those

ropes and cross The Bill,

you're gonna get the

horns. Life is long.

[LAUGHING] Yessir.

Tell us what occurred at the

State Fair with Charlie Gully then.

My sense of honor occurred!

Gully crashed our event. I took umbrage.

[DIEGO] Yeah. Y-you claimed

you had a bout of, uh,

involuntary digestive distress.

[WILD BILL] I've stated facts.

God created the sphincter so that

sh1tting, by design, would be voluntary.

The sphincter's a g*dd*mn

damper for the rectum.

Asses don't leak

unless they're poisoned!

Yet, despite that, you swallowed

your shame in pursuit of the belt.

I'm a competitor

first, gentleman second.

Charlie Gully attempted to

disrupt an athletic contest.

Once I discovered I had some

accidental excrement pooled

in the seat of my pants,

I made use of it.

[LAUGHING] You threw a clothesline.

And then I sh*t-stamped his face.

It was as if fate herself proclaimed,

"Here is a man you'd like to eat sh*t

presenting his mouth as

a fortuitous receptacle."

- Boom!

- [LAUGHING]

Lemons into lemonade, kids.

Whoo!

[BOTH LAUGH]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hey, I'm gonna grab some

Egg McMuffins. You want one?

- No.

- How about for Jack?

- Jack's outta town.

- Till when?

We gotta promote the next

show. Did he give you a script?

No. Just said I was "in charge."

Holy sh*t! Was he stoned?

Wait, you're in charge?

Yay! Girl power!

I gotta focus.

- A McGriddle 'n' sausage?

- [WILLIE] Go.

[KEYS CLACKING]

[CLIMBER] Watch that one there.

[PEBBLES CLATTERING]

- [CLIMBER] Next leg!

- Hey!

Hey!

sh*t! You okay?!

Sprained my ankle.

You got another line you can toss down?

- Janice!

- What?!

[CLIMBER] There's a guy down here!

Says he might have broke his ankle.

I'll call in a rescue chopper.

No, no, I said I sprained

it! I-it's just a sprain.

A sprain can be worse than a break.

Can you just let me

try to climb up, please?

[CLIMBER] All right,

Janice, no chopper this time.

Just drop down another harness.

Let's help this guy out.

So I was thinking we do

a backstage interview,

a medical update on Wild Bill

after Crystal kicked him into oblivion.

Bill cuts a promo.

- Shifts the blame to the crowd.

- I love it.

We should make Bobby our

backstage roving reporter.

His leg's still healing but he's so

Stiff and robotic.

Done. So Bobby gets Bill's reaction

to all that went down last week.

Crystal won is what went down.

- [WILLIE] Yes, she did.

- So, Bill tells the crowd how tough you are,

but then he calls you a piece of sh*t

so that he can bring it

all back around later,

saying, "All that nice

stuff I said about you before

is just gonna make b*ating

your ass all the more sweet!"

Perfect.

And you don't need to give me my due.

I took it!

It's going in.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

Hey.

Willie, is Ace doing all right?

Right now, Ace is just a blinking dot

on his mother's phone

somewhere not here.

Could be two towns over,

could be Tallahassee.

The only thing that Jack suggested

was that we start off with

your championship celebration.

So I'm thinking you come out on the mic,

you know, "Pound for pound,

I'm the best wrestler there is

in the DWL, and I'm on top

because you all believed in me!"

Really make the crowd feel part of it.

Y'all have taken me this far,

and it's gon' be one hell of a ride

seeing where we go from here

- Together.

- Exactly!

You're the antithesis of

Bill, but we don't wanna see

the two of you mixing it up again

until we string the story out further.

So instead, we have The

Dad interrupting on the mic,

you know, as a sort

of surrogate for Bill,

complaining about a woman

holding a man's title, blah, blah.

Wait, The Dad?

He's he's so nice.

- Dad's a douche.

- Oh, really?

- I didn't know that.

- In the story. Keep up, kid.

I'm sorry. You said it so emphatically.

I've got no idea what

he's like in real life.

I should probably find out

if he's even a real dad.

Ha. Okay. Maybe The Dad

says some sh*t like,

"You're welcome to become 'The

Stepmom' and do my laundry."

sh*t, now I hate The Dad.

Now I wanna see you b*at his ass.

Well, why not just whoop

his ass right then and there?

- Why wait?

- [DEBBIE] Roses for Crystal,

the new champ, left outside.

"Secret Admirer."

What?

These are the first flowers for me ever.

Just know that Secret Admirer

might also be a secret serial k*ller.

[CRYSTAL CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh, Jack left Willie in charge.

I know. So great, right?

Girl power!

- Girl power!

- Please stop saying that.

Girl power!

[WILD BILL] Hear there's

a new El Jefe in the house!

[BOBBY] Hey! La Jefa! Wilheminia!

Great. Jack's just taking some days off.

Bill, did you just call Willie a heifer?

La Jefa is The Boss in Spanish, Debbie.

Crystal, you gotta check the 'Gram.

You're getting marriage proposals.

Roses too. Secret admirers.

- [WILLIE] Okay. Here's what I'm thinking

- Will, two secs. Gotta send a text.

I don't care, Paula,

whether it's cash,

comma, Bitcoin, comma,

or doubloons, comma get me paid.

And send.

Thank you. Carry on.

Okay. So we're gonna kick

it off with a celebration

- of Crystal's championship

- [BOBBY] Willie, sorry.

- What is a doubloon?

- Ancient Spanish currency.

How ancient, like back when

they bankrolled Columbus?

- [WILLIE] Guys.

- Columbus was a genocidal assassin

hired by r*cist Spaniards.

[WILD BILL] They're

called Conquistadors,

and they learned that from the Romans.

So, Bill's backstage.

- Bobby, now you're a reporter.

- Cool. Yeah, use me

- how you need me.

- Ooh, Bobby's

- a "free use" guy, folks!

- [LAUGHTER]

[EDDIE] Hey, hey! Got a surprise.

Follow me!

[WILD BILL] If it's his

d*ck in a hotdog bun,

I'm grabbing and not letting go.

[LAUGHTER]

[LINE RINGING]

- [THOMAS] Dad!

- Hey, there's my buddy!

How you doing?

Where'd you go, Dad?

I

I-I just been at home.

[THOMAS] I miss you.

Can you come get me?

Y-yessir. Yessir.

I just gotta do a

little something first.

Won't be long though.

Could you put your mother

on the phone for a second?

[THOMAS] She's on a run.

Dad, when can I come back to school?

We-we met with the school.

You're no longer suspended.

Mommy said they hadn't decided yet.

I will call your Mom to

clarify we'll-we'll fix it.

[THOMAS] Okay, Dad. Thanks. I love you.

- Love you too, buddy. You stay positive.

- [BEEP]

[MOODY MUSIC]

♪

[CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

- Whoa!

- Whoo!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Yeah, look at that,

dude. That looks awesome.

- Surprise!

- [BOTH LAUGHING]

I kept the secret.

- You did!

- Man, imagine "Call of Duty" on this.

No, no, no. "Mario Kart."

- I call Toad.

- Oh, I call Diddy Kong, so

Diddy Kong hasn't been in

"Mario Kart" since the Wii.

[BOBBY] Yeah, did not know that.

Too generous, Eddie.

Hell yeah. You can watch vignettes,

backstage stuff, interviews.

Totally. Okay, okay.

Back to work, folks!

[BOBBY] We can also have movie nights.

Oh, show 'em the features, honey.

No. Why don't we set that

tutorial up for later?

Oh, no, no. You're gonna love this.

You're gonna wanna see what this can do.

We gotta over what the plan

is. Everyone please shut up!

[WILLIE] Sorry, Annie, it's just

We should have called first.

I am so sorry.

- Jack left Willie in charge.

- [GASPS]

Oh, well, isn't that just wonderful?

Everything is great.

Just, you know, as usual,

there's a lot to do.

So thank you for this.

We'll put it to good use.

We're so grateful.

Everyone, start warming up.

Bill, may I speak to you

privately for a minute?

Jack is gone. Ace is gone.

I need you to be ring general out there,

not number one Jackass on

the Jackass Most Wanted List.

Help me keep the group focused.

Coach 'em up. Keep 'em disciplined.

- Got it?

- Aye, aye, Kommandant.

Give a jangle if you

need a sounding board.

Okay.

Good and generous, Earl family.

You must excuse us.

We gotta whip this unit into a shape

worthy enough to be

on your big screen TV.

- [LAUGHTER]

- Uh, it-it's actually a video wall.

Jim, it appears your life philosophy

is to wait till someone says something,

then make them feel

stupid for saying it.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm just trying to tell the truth,

even if it offends someone, Bill!

Ooh, my bro listened to our podcast.

All right, well, we'll let

y'all get to work, kids.

Okay. How about a round of applause

- Yes.

- for Eddie and Annie.

- Whoo!

- [ALL WHOOPING]

Okay, Crystal, and Jim the Giant Jesuit,

you're up first. Into the ring.

How much did that cost?

I won't tell anybody.

Bro, 46 people including Big Jim

have already streamed the podcast!

That's so cool, man. You deserve it.

Thanks, man. Yeah, I'm telling you, man,

they gotta start listening

to my ideas around here.

I'm gonna get some graphics templates

for this video wall up our game.

I can help bring this place

to whole new level, bro.

I - I hope they listen to you, man.

- Your genius is untapped.

- Ha ha ha. Yes, it is.

- Oh!

- [LAUGHING]

[WILD BILL] Don't worry.

You got two of 'em.

D, hey, uh

when Crystal kissed me at the fair

- Mm-hmm.

- what do you think

- that meant?

- Didn't see it.

- She tongue you?

- No.

Did she suck on your lip?

Like, you know, kinda

clamping down for a second,

then pulling back and making

a very faint popping sound?

- No.

- Did she lean onto your thigh

and kinda, you know, linger there,

perching her entire bodyweight onto you,

centering it with her crotch?

No, it did not happen in the

way that you just described.

Based on all that, no clue.

Ask her what the kiss meant.

How in the heck am I supposed

to ask a question like that?

Well, you just asked

me a question like that.

Ask her the same question.

Bro, she's getting marriage

proposals and flowers

and she's hot as sh*t

and also very, very cool.

- Mm-hmm.

- It's a miracle she's single.

Make your move.

Her lips have at least touched yours.

It was a kiss on the lips, right?

Don't be f*cking telling me it was

- on the forehead or on your cheek.

- Oh, no, no, no. Lips were involved.

- Hers and mine.

- Ha ha ha. Make your intentions known.

If you whiff, on to the next.

- [WILD BILL] Good.

- [WRESTLERS GROANING]

- Uhh!

- [WILD BILL] Good. Knee.

[CRYSTAL] Great. Here we go.

- Whoo!

- Oh!

- [ALL HOOTING, WHOOPING]

- [WILD BILL] Yeah!

That is how we do it.

Wow.

[SIGHS]

Your Volvo needs an alignment.

I still can't believe you survived.

[HUFFS] I know how to fall.

I was a wrestler.

Professional wrestler.

Ice every 15 minutes.

And next hike, leave

the soccer shoes behind.

Just get yourself some Merrells.

They got 52 million styles.

But don't get cute and buy their clogs.

Clogs are only good

for getting the mail.

Hey.

Stay a little longer.

We can get high. Fool around.

All of us.

- He must be concussed.

- [BOTH LAUGH]

I thought y'all were being nice

'cause you wanted to hook up.

Come on, buddy! Read the room!

Pal, if you interpret being

nice as an invitation to f*ck,

you don't know what

being nice looks like.

I misinterpreted the situation.

Yes, you did.

Damn. Be better.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪

[WILD BILL] Charlie

Gully attempted to disrupt

an athletic contest.

Once I discovered I had

some accidental excrement

pooled in the seat of my

pants, I made use of it.

[DIEGO LAUGHS] You threw a clothesline.

[WILD BILL] And then I

sh*t-stamped his face.

It was as if fate her

One second, Pop.

[AHEM]

[LINE RINGING]

Hey, it's Charlie. Leave a message.

Gully, it's Rooster.

We need to meet up.

Someone is talking sh*t about you.

[METAL CLANGS]

f*ck!

Aah!

Gah ohh! Ow!

Ah! Ah! [PANTING]

Anytime you want to switch

beds, Love, just let me know.

I like the air kind.

Dad called while you were running.

He said I can go back to school.

Oh.

Maybe the school

finished their paperwork.

He said he was home all this time.

You said he was on a trip.

Well, he must have come back early.

Are you and Dad getting divorced?

I want to be home.

It's okay, love.

[THOMAS] It's not.

You said he was on a trip. You lied.

You're not a good mommy

to keep me away from him.

Hey.

Mister, sit yourself up right now.

You will not say that to Mommy!

You have no idea what

it is to be a mommy!

You can't just say those words

and not have them hurt me.

And you can't say them

thinking they will hurt me

and expect me to just sit here

and take it. You understand?

I'm sorry, Mommy.

I don't wanna be mean. I'm just sad.

I miss Daddy.

I miss him so much.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hey, y'all.

Everything okay?

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪

[WILD BILL] You did a

good job with this script.

It's all over the place.

[WILD BILL] It's real good.

Can't be great in the first draft.

Jack left you in charge

'cause he trusts you won't

completely f*ck it up like I might.

[WILLIE] Don't sh*t on it

or I'll have to tackle you.

[WILD BILL] That'd be a bad thing?

Uh no, I gotta focus.

So The Dad ragdolls

Crystal through the table.

She'll sell it well. Like it.

We just can't book some bullshit

where she gets to

glow-up without getting

her ass kicked sometimes.

Jack and I thought the same thing.

Keep her down on the farm

so she's got adversity to overcome.

That's what they're paying to see.

Narrative wise, when women

conquer a man's world,

men don't exactly roll over.

No, they go back hard.

But that's what she wanted,

right, to win the belt?

Man had the belt, so to win

the belt she had to fight men.

Whether she deserves it or not, she's

gotta get her face

pushed in a few times.

What do you mean "whether

she deserves it or not"?

Can't say she deserves

to get her face pushed in.

If you get in a boxing ring,

do you deserve or not

deserve to get punched?

Are we saying Crystal was unaware

of the pitfalls of her pursuits?

Okay. So The Dad ragdolls

Crystal through the table.

She's out cold. It's brutal.

But then she stirs.

She needs to sell the pain to the crowd.

Hit all the "-izes."

Let them empathize and realize

and Crystalize her pain.

- Okay.

- [PHONE RINGS]

Hey. I'm working on the next card.

Wow, you're working late, huh?

How long you think you'll be?

I don't know. Jack left me in charge.

I gotta figure it all out

the card, the stories, all of it.

Jack's letting you book matches now?

[WILLIE] Believe me, I know.

Well, Robin needs help writing an essay.

I guess you're the helper.

Ted, if it makes you feel better,

Willie's cooking up probably

one of the best shows

we've ever done.

Hello, Bill.

She's working us all

into overtime, Tedly.

But when the material's

good, you don't mind.

Uh-huh.

Well, I'll let you two go.

- [CLICKS TONGUE]

- [BEEP]

"But then she stirs"

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Come home, please.

How the f*ck you find me?

"Find my Phone" app on Mom's phone.

Mom's tracking me?

You share locations.

You're still in the family plan.

When I die and go to hell,

first thing I'm gonna do

is find Steve Jobs and

b*at the f*ck outta him.

I hope that's not true.

For you or Steve Jobs.

Unless he was unless he was

mean to his cats or something.

You look kinda banged up.

You're looking kinda "f*ck you."

Never again.

Just opted out of Family Sharing.

Now f*ck off.

I was hoping that I was

gonna have you at "come home."

f*ck off's just the tip

of the icicle-d*ck, Jack.

f*ck you with a massive icicle-d*ck.

- You should call housekeeping.

- You should f*ck off.

With an icicle-d*ck. I heard you.

Was the room this trashed

when you checked in?

Nope. Had a bash.

Been meeting some great

people across the U.S. of A.!

Cool.

I got some cash on hand

from our last gate receipts.

Figured that if you're gonna

be gone for good, you'd need it.

Stealing from the DWL bank now, huh?

It's hard to steal from what's ours.

Don't say ours. You made

me think it was ours.

It's yours. Dad

bequeathed the DWL to you.

- Because he wanted me cursed.

- Well, cursed my ass.

I seen the buzz building with Crystal.

Without me.

DWL's taking off like you always dreamt.

Yet my brother's in a

Mississippi motel room

- and my wife's near left me.

- Maybe you should ask yourself why.

What the f*ck do you think led me here!

Mom's phone.

I'm here, hat in hand,

because I have been thinking about it.

About how to get sympathy.

About my brother.

About how my actions

have affected you

and Staci and Thomas.

"Dear old brother Ace," blah.

"Wife and son," blah.

Heard it all before, Jack!

This is not going how I expected.

'Cause you're not scripting it.

I'm not just gonna say

- what you want me to.

- I kno I know all that.

I need to say something,

and then I will leave.

May I sit?

[CLEARS THROAT] When Bill came to you

with that big-time contract offer,

I was stunned.

I wasn't.

Not because I don't

realize how great you are,

but because I'd come to rely

on your talent, your persona.

It was dynamic.

DWL was working.

And I could see our

shared future together.

And then Bill showed up

with a golden ticket just for you.

I was not prepared for that.

You were gonna take

your talents elsewhere.

Just like LeBron, m*therf*cker.

When that happened,

that that threw me.

I guess it kinda

I-I I don't guess.

It knocked me down, and I was gutted.

Then I was embarrassed that, uh

that I wasn't offering

up congratulations to you.

And whether that was

desperation or envy

- [ACE] Both.

- What I am sure of is that I

Humiliated me.

I used what I knew as your brother,

things only a brother would know

to push your buttons.

That, you did.

Then instead of owning up to

that, like a decent person

I told myself it was for your own good.

Dad k*lling himself f*cked me up.

More than I care to admit.

More than I thought.

I loved him so much.

I hated him so much.

And I glossed over all that

'cause I couldn't change it.

The love, the hate.

The way he was, the way he wasn't.

The way he went out.

You and me are trying to

survive after finding out

that Spade men aren't

supposed to survive.

We're supposed to come home

and blow our heads off on the back porch

and let our sons clean us up.

My God.

That's terrible.

Jack, that's

I am truly sorry

for the way that I've treated you.

Please come home.

Give me a chance to be

a great brother to you.

[INHALES, EXHALES]

You were never a bad big brother.

Only lately.

I'm not a good guy who

deserves a great brother anyway.

I'm a sh*t heap all on my own.

[JACK] No, you're not.

Then you don't know me very well.

I know the heart of you.

Good uncle, teammate, friend.

Jack, I'm not a good guy.

Farthest thing from it.

These people loved you

before I turned you Heel.

Let me help make it right.

Jack, you know what I

realized on this trip?

After several disturbing

interactions

I'm not good at making new friends.

I haven't made a new friend in years.

Making friends was never hard

because I was always part of a team.

I had, like, instafriends,

guys I met through sports.

Everyone kind of had to be my friend.

- That's not true.

- Don't tell me that.

I do bad sh*t.

I say dumb things. I do dumb things.

I broke Bobby's leg.

I left the DWL because

no one really likes me.

I'm gone because any other promotion

would have run me outta town.

We're not any other promotion.

[ACE] But the worst thing I've done

the worst thing I've done

is I told you you were

gonna stay in Duffy

and k*ll yourself like Dad.

It's forgotten.

I'm reminding you.

I'm that guy.

I'm the guy who said that.

What kind of guy says

that to his brother?

Me.

It's in the past. Don't matter.

Everything that came to

me after that statement,

I set in motion.

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

And yeah, yeah,

you were kinda d*ck-ish about the belt,

but I didn't have to say that.

And yet I did.

And I did it because I'm a selfish f*ck

who was praised his

whole life for sports.

And now that sports are over,

I don't know what the f*ck

to do when I don't get it.

I'm gonna go out and get us some food.

I'm not coming home, Jack.

[MOODY MUSIC]

♪

Lord, please help me.

Please help me.

I need help, Lord.

You know where you're going next?

Some wonderful, unknown

place called "Not Duffy."

[JACK CHUCKLES]

I dunno. Due West?

That's what they say, right?

"Go West, young man.

You're not getting younger."

Sometimes I think about Dad

And if he's happier dead.

You ever wonder if it's like

worse? What comes after this life?

I'm just focused on this life.

I think the thing that made

Dad a sad man is that

he wanted something he never got.

And it made him sad and mean.

I don't want something

so much like being famous

that I become sad and mean.

The only thing that keeps

me going is not that I think

that this life's gonna be better, but

that what comes after

we die might be worse.

I made life hard on you.

I shouldn't have.

I'm really sorry.

Thanks for coming all the

way out here, Jack, really.

If you ever feel bad

about how things went down,

just [SIGHS]

let it go.

It's forgiven. For reals.

I care about you so very much.

I see that.

Thanks.

Uh

Please.

For gas money and the room damage.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]

♪

- [CRYSTAL] Put me down you big oaf.

- Come on. Come on. Over!

- [CRYSTAL] Help!

- [DIEGO] f*ck you, Cottonmouth.

- [CRYSTAL] Aah!

- [DIEGO YELLING]

Hey.

Hey, Willie, I've been

working on my reporter voice.

[WILLIE] Which sucks. Diego.

Tell me why you're doing the

move I scripted for The Dad.

[BIG JIM] I told y'all.

I just thought me ragdolling Crystal

might be more unexpected.

For who, me?

'Cause I was up till

2:00 working on that sh*t.

I just thought you'd

maybe like this better.

- It's totally my fault.

- It's not totally your fault.

The fault is all of yours

for not doing what I wrote.

Would you do this to Jack?

Huh? I don't think so.

[DEBBIE] Hey, y'all gotta watch this.

- [WILLIE] No, Debbie. Not now.

- Willie, I mean it.

[REPORTER] If you're just

joining us, shocking video

has surfaced of NFL

linebacker Chris DeLeo

assaulting his wife.

[BABY CRYING]

- [WOMAN SCREAMS]

- [CHRIS] Go [BLEEP, BLEEP].

[YELLING, CRASHING]

[REPORTER] The football

star ragdolling his wife

follows a disturbing trend of athletes

and domestic v*olence,

including all-star

shortstop Joe Kwitkowski

caught punching his girlfriend

at a Las Vegas casino.

White House Press

Secretary Millicent Burgin

had this comment moments ago.

[MILLICENT] The President

condemns the current wave

of v*olence as highlighted by the rash

of pro athletes caught

on camera pummeling women.

This Saturday, he and the First Lady

will lead a call-to-action

march on the National Mall

in an effort to wipe out

this national scourge.

[NEWS REPORTER] Informal

protests have begun to

form outside the headquarters

of the NFL and MLB.

When we come back, red wine,

superfood or super poison?

Wow.

Y'all take the rest of the day.

Turn that sh*t off.

[WILD BILL] And then I

sh*t-stamped his face.

Oh, they f*ckin' with you, Charlie,

and they f*ckin' with your business.

- Wild Bill has a lotta fans.

- [WILD BILL] Boom!

Yeah, they're having a nice laugh.

They think they're funny, guys.

- Yeah, I can be funny.

- Very.

I can be funny, too.

[HEAVY MUSIC]

♪

[CRYSTAL] "Winning this title is by far

the greatest moment in my life.

A life that hasn't been too full of 'em.

When I won that strap,

I was on top of the world

and y'all helped put me there.

[BOBBY MIMICS CROWD CHEERING]

- Hey, you.

- [CHUCKLES] Hey.

We're supposed to take

the rest of the day off.

I was just thinking about how things

might go when Willie and Jack talk.

Just wanted to walk through

some stuff I was thinking.

[BOBBY] Makes sense. You think

they're gonna, you know, maybe

- Change things up?

- Yeah.

Yeah. I

I get why.

Yeah, it's like, you know,

when a big tornado devastates a town.

No one wants to watch a tornado movie.

Hmm. Yeah.

I just I just want to wrestle.

I can't tell people what

things can mean or should mean

or how whatever they're

watching means what it means.

You wanna get something to eat?

Yeah. Sure.

Cool.

Crystal, I gotta ask you something.

Yes, I was afraid

Diego was gonna drop me.

- [GIGGLES]

- [BOBBY] No.

Uh, did it mean anything when

you kissed me at the fair?

Saying good night?

I thought I felt certain, uh,

a certain something extra.

Tch. Uh

Not really.

No.

Okay then. Yeah, it's, uh,

Sorry to have asked.

I guess you can't really help it if

you're naturally really good at it.

When it means something

this is how I kiss.

- Any other questions?

- Nope.

Good.

Now if you don't mind, after dinner,

we should probably just

go to our neutral corners.

Cool down.

Focus.

Sure. Yeah.

I'm just gonna kiss you

one more time first, though.

Sounds good to me.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

♪

- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

- [DOOR OPENS]

Hey.

Found him.

He's not coming back.

Sorry, Jack.

He's going West.

Where, not sure.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yep.

How's things here?

You haven't seen the news?

I've been calling you,

texting you, nothing.

- Uh-uh.

- Okay.

All right, well, we

need a women's division.

It's time.

- Okay.

- Okay. So here, here's what I think we do.

I think we bring in some

stringers for a while.

Women, you know, we can't have Crystal

getting b*at on each week

by every man on our roster.

And vice versa, she can't

run through everyone.

It's a nice little story,

we've pulled it off this far.

But it's not sustainable for business.

You all right?

Look, there's a reason your

dad didn't want Ace doing this.

He didn't think he was built for it.

He did think it was for you.

Last couple days have

been good for me though.

You know, I think I really found

some story areas that we can write

toward, that we can keep exploring.

I'm excited about where we can go.

Just sorry we had to

pivot a bit with Crystal.

She's really something, Jack.

I don't want to talk about Crystal.

I'm

rethinking everything.

Understood.

See you later.

[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[CLATTERING]

How in the hell did you get in here?!

[ROOSTER] Still got my key.

You should really get a keypad, Jack.

[GULLY] We had trouble

working the spotlight at first.

But luckily my cousin

Paul spent a summer

touring with Billy Squire.

What was Squire's hit song again, Paul?

- "Stroking"?

- "Stroke Me!"

Get off my property. Now.

[SNAPS]

Turnabout's fair play, Jack.

You came on my property,

now I'm on yours.

I thought about sticking one of those

big red bows they put

on new cars on myself,

but that seemed like overkill.

Big boy, I'm here to give props.

I thought you'd painted yourself

into a corner at the State Fair.

But uh, you booked your

way right out of that.

I mean, Crystal. Wow, my hat is off.

- Literally.

- Very nice of you

to drive all this way

just to put me over.

I want both of us to get

over. I got a big heart.

It's time we did a cross-promotion.

Your guys against my guys,

one ring, red rover red rover.

People go nuts. We get rich.

No, thank you.

Leave your key on the way out.

[GULLY] A smart man, a man

with dreams and obligations,

stops walking for a

second and hears me out.

Would that get you on your way faster?

Think about it.

I got your expat Rooster

here on my payroll.

You decided to f*ck with

me and punch me three times.

That crime is the most viewed

video on Dystopia's Instagram.

Bill and his big hairy f*ck buddy Diego

started talking sh*t about

me on their brand new podcast.

Now I wanna b*at their brains in.

All of this is "free story," Jack,

the most precious

commodity in our business.

Jack, you know I was the

best on the DWL roster,

and you can get all of this back.

At least for a couple of cards.

- f*ck you, Deandre.

- Ha ha ha.

f*ck you, Jack.

You f*cking with my money when

you f*cking with Dystopia.

Oh, listen, all of you

were f*cking with me.

I went down to Florida

to get my brother.

Come clean, Charlie.

You were poaching Ace.

Poaching Ace just like

you poached Rooster.

Don't use the poach on me

like I'm some f*cking animal.

Or an egg.

Look, Jack, I just offered

a couple guys a job. Okay?

Everyone is very tense

with being f*cked with.

But here's the thing, we

live in an extraordinary time.

The meaning of "f*ck with" has changed.

The meaning of "f*ck with" has evolved.

How's it go again Rooster?

If I "f*ck with" somebody,

it used to be bad.

Now it can be good.

So, if "I fucks with you," then we good.

So I wanna take the old definition,

"You f*cked with me,"

bad, and turn it into,

"I fucks with you," good.

Am I getting it right, Rooster?

Oh, you're a quick learner, Gully.

Yeah, well, young people keep me young.

Jack, there's money lying on the floor.

And all we gotta do is

bend over and pick it up.

Not interested.

Jack, I'm here with an olive branch.

Shove it up your ass.

That's not a nice thing to say.

That's not a nice thing

to do with an olive branch.

When someone presents

you with a peace offering,

especially a potentially lucrative one,

you should treat it with some affection,

not tell a guy to jam it up his bum.

Would you take my olive

branch out of my bum, Jack?

That way we can have peace,

profit, and by the way,

we can have olives. You

like olives, Rooster?

Yes.

Jack don't. Ha ha.

So maybe we should just

go on ahead and go home.

That's a great idea.

Get the f*ck on your way.

Okay, Jack, I guess the time for smokin'

the peace pipe is over. [WHISTLES]

What in the hell is happening?

How many people you

got hiding around here?

Jack, this fireplug of a man

is my attorney Sam Burphy.

He practices in Florida and Georgia,

but he especially enjoys

Georgia because he says

it's like fish in a barrel up here.

Sick 'em, Counselor.

This is personal injury litigation

pursuant to you trespassing

onto petitioner's property

and punching petitioner in the face.

Yeah. You can't do that, Jack.

That's as*ault and battery.

And that's against the law.

My body is my body.

I have a right to its safety.

You violated it.

I lost a crown, I lost

the feeling in my jaw,

and I also lost about $3 million

worth of personal credibility.

[SAM] You've been served.

- I'm so good at that.

- Mm-hmm.

[ROOSTER] Ah-ah-ah,

Jack. Paul's recording.

Also, an officer of the

court is present, me.

So one punch under these circumstances

will secure petitioner's victory

and bring on a second lawsuit,

which petitioner will also win.

Let me stick my chin

out there for you, Jack.

Go ahead. No?

All right, slugger, very good.

You seem to fancy yourself

a master storyteller.

Well, tell me a story about a man

who thinks he can punch

people without consequence.

That story is not this story.

But in the spirit of

burying the hatchet,

you get to decide what

the consequence will be.

You help me restore my honor in the ring

with a cross-promotion

between the DWL and Dystopia

or I hit you back and

take everything you got.

It is not for me to ask you

why the consequences of punching me

never occurred to you.

Maybe they did, and you dismissed them.

Not smart.

So you decide if you

wanna take the olive branch

out of my bum and work together

or if you wanna watch me take

every g*dd*mn dollar you make

for the rest of your g*dd*mn life.

I look forward to hearing from you.

All right, everybody, back on the bus.

[DARK MUSIC]

♪

Can't believe you found me.

I care about you.

We shared a lot.

How's that? Tender?

[ACE] Yeah, a little.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Thought about you today.

You look different.

How so?

You didn't have any clothes on.

- [cr*ck]

- Aah!

That's for Bobby, m*therf*cker!

Payback time! Get him!

[ACE SCREAMING]

What the f*ck are you doing?!

f*cking you up!

[TOM MUMBLING]

Dad?

[TOM MUMBLING]

Say again, Mr. Spade?

[TOM MUMBLING]

Oh, he said, "Hold it together, Ace!"

I named you Ace because

you're aces, Ace.

Number one! I warned you

don't give up the fight!

Compete! Compete!

[ECHOING] Compete!

[PANTING]

Oh, sh*t.

It's so sexist that we

can't have male wrestlers

b*ating on female

wrestlers because people

get upset when they see

real men b*at real women.

I mean, okay, fine.

But how come they

can't separate the two?

I, me, the Debs, know Crystal

getting punched in the face

is pretend, for my entertainment,

just like when it happens

to Jack or Diego or Bill.

I said this exact thing to Bobby.

Why can't people find it cool that a man

twice the size of Crystal is

launching her across the room?

She's a character. She's not dead, okay?

She has the belt. We're

gonna make sure she wins.

We just don't want it to

look implausible every second.

She needs something to fight against.

You show me a woman who doesn't

have to fight against men.

You can't. [WHISPERING] It's so sexist!

And the heck with the women

who can't handle watching it.

I'm so sick of estrogen

and fragile female egos.

Not sure it's fragility or estrogen.

It might just be people not wanting

to be thinking about bad stuff

while they're being entertained.

That might be it too.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]

- What do I know?

Is it too late to say sorry?

I'm sorry I put the DWL first.

And I'm sorry that I

haven't been the best me.

I'm sorry I kept your son from you.

I'm sorry.

I'm I'm sorry too.

I love you so much.

I love you.

He missed you.

[MOODY MUSIC]

♪

- Want Mama's bacon?

- Yes, please.

Thank you very much.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Uh, Mom doesn't want me home.

Can I stay here?

[THOMAS] Uncle Ace!

Of course.

[THOMAS] I missed you.

Hey, dude.

[SOFT MUSIC]