[MACHINE g*n f*ring]
ALL [SINGING]:
For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody can deny
[CHEERING]
GUESTS:
Speech! Speech!
No, no. I ain't
gonna make no speech.
I want to thank you bums
for this wonderful birthday.
One thing I learned
when I first started out...
a man who ain't got friends
stays poor...
until he goes out
and buys good ones.
Me, I got the best.
[CHUCKLES]
Sheriff Glick! Stand up.
Deputy Sheriff Potts!
Guy Gisborne!
All the rest of you mugs!
Wonderful pals!
Friends who would go out
and cut a right arm off for me.
All I gotta tell them, who.
[GUESTS LAUGH]
The reason I got such loyal friends
is because I'm thoughtful.
I never asked nobody
to work on a holiday.
Thanksgiving, New Year's,
Christmas, Fourth of July.
Only one time I asked,
one Saint Valentine's Day...
a little cleanup job.
I just want to thank
all you mugs again.
Only thing I'm sorry is that
my good pal Robbo ain't here...
from New Orleans
where he's taking in the races.
Well, that's all I've
got to say for now.
Now everybody get drunk.
Wait a minute!
Before you all get drunk.
A toast to Big Jim.
Come on, let's hear it.
- To Big Jim!
ALL: Happy Birthday, Big Jim!
GUY: Big Jim was a shmendrik.
He was no good.
The man was tight,
he don't part with a dime.
And besides, he was a slob.
And on top of everything else,
he wasn't an American citizen.
Things are different from here on in
in Chicago now.
Let me give you the benefit
of my thinking.
No more independent operations.
They're finished. Forget them.
We're putting them together.
We're gonna merge them up
into one organization.
There's gonna be just one big leader.
Is there anybody
here that got any ideas...
who's gonna be the new leader?
Tomatoes.
How about picking
names out of a hat?
That's good thinking.
We're gonna use your hat.
Soon you're gonna have
nothing to wear it on.
- May I make a suggestion?
- It's a democratic meeting. Speak up.
Thank you. Gentlemen...
as sheriff, I have to
keep law and order here.
Now under Big Jim, it was
hard with everyone fighting.
We don't want another mess
like Big Jim here.
The crime commission's stronger.
People are fed up.
We need a leader with courage,
strength, integrity.
There's only one man who
fills that description: Guy Gisborne.
I accept the nomination.
Is there any objections before
the nominations is closed?
You got something to say?
I motion somebody open a window.
Somebody open a window.
That's the stockyard side.
Being a democratic meeting...
I motion that the nominations
is closed.
I'm the only candidate,
so I'm the new leader.
So I'm gonna thank you
for the whole thing. Next business.
- What about Robbo?
- He joins like everyone else.
He ain't gonna like it
somebody k*lled his pal.
Robbo is in or he's under.
Now, you guys are gonna run
things just like always.
Except now you're
getting protection.
You're gonna get
City Hall protection.
That's beautiful.
Of course, you have to pay a small...
service charge that's based
on a percentage of your take.
- Soupmeat?
- How much service charge, boss?
- I'm making it percent.
GROUP: Fifty percent!
Hatrack, what do you got?
Couldn't we get less service?
You can get less service.
But you're still paying percent.
If anyone has a problem,
I got a special complaint box.
I can put your whole body in there.
I still say...
Forget Robbo!
Don't tell me about Robbo!
What's the matter?
You think you get protection
for free? That's not a gift.
What do you think it costs?
Tell him.
I'd rather not be involved.
He don't want to be involved.
You're in for percent.
You're involved pretty good.
Sure, percent is high.
But he's grabbing .
I don't like it either.
I can't do it for less.
Well, scratch a few cousins.
I'm scratching nothing.
My hands is tied.
I'm locked in.
So, gentlemen, let me say this.
Let me nominate the percent
service charge as official.
Is there any objections?
All right. Now, listen to me.
This is the best thing for us.
Now we're all together,
we're organized.
We're...
If I could find the word...
We're all for one.
[SINGING]
And one for all
Some for each
Or none for all
There'll be laughs and fun for all
- That's how it's gonna
- That's how it's gonna be
- Us for you
- Or vice versa
- Rob a bank
- Or snatch a purse
- You're the boss
- Now that's a good choice
That's how it's gonna
That's how it's gonna be
- What's mine is yours
- What's mine is yours
- What's yours is mine
- What's yours is mine
Whatever we got A bit or a lot
I'll tell you what, we'll
cut it down the line.
From now on Whatever comes
Always pals And always chums
What, out with creeps
And down with crumbs
That's how it's gonna
That's how it's gonna be
That's how it's gonna
That's how it's gonna be
ALL:
Pals!
[CHATTERING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, just one thing, boss.
Exactly what are we gonna get?
Nothing.
[MAN GROANS]
Easy. Now just take it easy.
GUY: How are you, Robbo?
What are you doing here?
I thought you were down
in New Orleans doing well.
- Who hit Big Jim?
- Hit Who?
- Him.
- You're looking good.
Give the man a seat, get up!
All right, who hit him?
What's the difference?
Forget about it.
ROBBO:
Who was the brain?
There were killings
in the last two months.
This town has had it.
You answered my question.
SHERIFF:
He had to go for the good of us all.
You take that badge off,
you won't live to put it back.
We've got a new setup.
There's no more independence.
We merged into one organization.
The boys made me their new leader.
Looks like the day they fixed
the power in the death house.
We're still gonna hustle...
now we're protected from the top.
Fifty percent of the take.
What it is...
When they started the United States...
they put the states in one union.
And I'm like the first president.
Give my regards to Martha.
Robbo, you better think it over.
I'll give it to you straight,
Mr. President.
You stay out of the north side.
You come like George Washington,
I'll send you back like Lincoln.
Like Lincoln.
Excuse me.
GUY:
I want to throw in a few words...
about our friend
that departed so suddenly.
[SINGING HYMNAL]
Now, I know Big Jim a long time,
and I want to say this.
He did not have enemies.
He had a lot of friends that didn't
like him, but you can't please everybody.
There was people calling him...
a fink, a chiseler,
a crooked hood.
There was people that didn't
have nothing good to say.
But I can tell you this.
Big Jim had a, uh...
He was, uh...
a very good dresser.
I mean he looked mean
on the outside, but inside...
Well, inside his closet
he had suits.
Now I want to introduce Robbo.
Here's a man that...
was very close to
Big Jim in the past...
and he might even be
closer to him in the future.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Well, all I want to say is Big Jim
has gone to meet the big G.
Big Jim was an inspiration to me.
When I was a kid, he caught me
stealing hubcaps off his car.
He said, "Don't steal the hubcaps.
Steal the whole car."
Well, we're gonna miss you, Big Jim.
There won't be a guy like
you around for a long time.
[WOMAN SINGING LOUDLY]
[PLAYING "TAPS"]
[CHATTERING]
I think she come to the wrong stash.
- We should say something.
- It ain't none of our business.
I think it was disrespectful.
What do you think, boss?
- She's a good-looking dame.
- A relative?
Nah. Big Jim never had
no relatives, only a brother.
That dame ain't
nobody's brother. Come on.
[HORN HONKING]
Relax with the horn.
Park it and wait.
There's people trying to sleep.
Let's go.
- Have a good time?
- Yes.
I'm surprised.
They water the liquor here.
- I want to see Robbo.
- Ain't in yet.
- Open up. I'll wait for him.
- Okay.
[CUSTOMERS CHATTERING]
- What'll you have?
- Nothing.
That guy sh**ting pool is waiting too.
GUY: Who is he?
BARTENDER: I'm not sure.
He's not a thr*at
with the cue stick.
You play with the other end.
I thought I recognized a friend.
I just blew in from Indiana.
Let me give you some advice.
Don't stop for a drink.
The bartender's my boyfriend.
Oh. All I had in mind
was a game of pool.
How come you're chalking your finger?
For short sh*ts.
By the way, where's
the boss-man tonight?
I don't know who you're talking about.
I told you to stay
out of the north side.
I'm trying to get
the record straight.
You're right about the sheriff.
He was behind it.
I was thinking...
we could make an arrangement
for you to join.
- We do our own laundry.
- If there's an extra bundle...
- Anything else?
- No, that's it.
Give him a drink
and get out of here.
Look at the way he's treating me.
We ain't in-betweeners.
We're either best friends
or enemies.
- Why don't we be best friends?
- Your drink's waiting.
It's too bad.
He has so much to live for.
- You're blocking my way.
- Take a detour.
I don't take detours.
A little respect, or your friends
will carry you in a box.
- Let me hit him, Robbo.
- Robbo?
If you sh*t pool with your tongue,
you'd be good.
I can't stand the taste of chalk.
- Who are you?
- Oh, a bird lover who studies pigeons.
You don't mean real pigeons.
- No.
- Name your game.
- It's your table.
- How about a hundred a ball?
A hundred a ball?
I don't carry hundreds.
How about a thousand?
Knock off the lights, Will.
Rack them up.
Give me a stick.
Seven ways a game at
a thousand a way, .
Right, now...
How about goosing up the action
a little? A little side bet?
- What kind?
- Oh, about grand.
- All right. That's .
- Right.
You're a stranger.
You pick the stakeholder.
Well, hey...
I noticed you've got
an honest face, baby.
Let's see how good you can lag that.
Pretty good. It's your break.
Nothing.
[HUMS]
Excuse me.
[WHISTLES]
[SINGING]
Any man who loves his mother
ls man enough for me
Brightening her eyes
Sending her flowers
Though it's no anniversary
Many men want fame and fortune
It's gold they love to see
But I say a man who loves his mother
ls man enough for me
Many men love dogs and kittens
And pet them constantly
Show me a man who loves his mother
As much as she wants to be
And I'll show you a man
Who's a lot like
Me
I bow to a mechanic.
Your cushions are tired,
threw me off my game.
Too bad. Pay him.
[CHUCKLES]
I like a bank with
strong assets, baby.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
- What's your racket?
- I'm a brain surgeon.
Follow me.
[SNORING]
Hello, boss.
- Your knitting.
- Oh, sorry.
Lock it up.
You a drinking man?
Anytime.
Help yourself.
What's your name?
Little John.
ROBBO: You know him?
- Used to work in Indiana?
- Yeah.
- Like what?
Beer, alky, dice. Nothing big.
Why you in Chicago?
Looking for new connections.
ROBBO: Try Gisborne?
- Nope.
Why not?
Crooked hood.
This town is down to two slices:
him and me.
I know all about it.
He's organized. He's got g*ns,
plus the sheriff.
We're an even dozen...
if you include a hooker
who used to throw knives.
You like the long sh*ts.
Want to jump in?
I'm in.
Let me give you the bad news first.
Gisborne's gonna hit,
and he's gonna hit fast.
I don't know where. I have no idea.
He can knock over everything at once.
You ever think of knocking first?
This guy don't hear so good.
Eighty-five g*ns, he can knock
seven times harder than we can.
- What's his pride and joy?
- A gambling joint.
Well, last thing Gisborne
expects is a visit.
That's a good reason
for paying a visit.
That's not a bad idea.
We're gonna get it anyway.
I was hoping we'd have help.
You could also lose a few more g*ns.
When your opponent's
got all the aces...
there's only one thing to do:
kick over the table.
[CHATTERING]
- What would you like?
- Nothing.
Well, in my opinion...
Drink your cocoa. There's
only one way to handle this thing.
We pick of the best soldiers
to k*ll Robbo.
If they miss, we'll have a w*r.
This city won't go for it.
How do we get rid of them?
Give them the flu?
- Break them.
- I will.
Knock over his club.
- He builds another.
- Knock it over.
He'll be dry soon.
Listen to this.
Suppose he pays me
a visit over here.
I got a quarter million dollars
tied up here.
He'd have to be out of his skull.
- Sheriff.
- Mm?
You better be right.
I know I'm right.
I'd bet my life on it.
You got a bet.
All right, let's go.
Load up. Load up.
ROBBO:
All right, load up.
Come on, move.
MAN:
Get your morning paper!
Get your morning paper!
Get your morning paper!
Morning paper!
Hey, that Gisborne over there?
WILL:
Yeah, it sure is.
Ain't that Robbo over there?
- It sure is.
- Where's he headed?
Wherever it is, he's in
for a surprise when he returns.
Where's he headed?
Wherever it is, he's in
for a surprise when he returns.
Yeah, yeah.
- Blue Jaw.
- Yeah, boss?
- Itsy-bitsy pieces.
- Gotcha, boss.
Out of the way, will you?
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING]
Oh, that's music. That's beautiful.
That's my favorite tune, eh.
Oh, that's gorgeous.
Play that thing there, eh.
Congratulations, you did good.
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING]
[CLAMORING STOPS]
Folks, this joint is now
closed for new alterations.
Leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
Guys, have a good time.
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
Hey, Will, I thought we was friends.
We are. What are you worried about?
I never miss anything I aim at.
You came awful close.
You made me nervous.
I didn't mean to make you nervous.
Take a rest so you won't be nervous.
I'll take over.
I appreciate that, thanks very much.
I don't feel good, my health...
[SINGING]
Now that's the prettiest sound
You'll ever hear
It's just like heavenly music to my ears
Man, I get such a boot
When I hear rooty-toot-toot
I always feel high
When a rod is nearby
'Cause I like the fun
Of reaching for a g*n
And going bang bang
I come alive each time a .
Begins to bang bang
In gangster movies
I love that scene
The nice guy's nice
And the mean guy's mean
The boss's moll
Always steps between
Quick draws Applause
My kind of prank
ls walking in a bank
And going bang bang
The ricochet
A b*llet play a melody
Like Shotgun Sid
And the Roscoe Kid
I'll be out to make history
'Cause no one I know
Gets oh, such a glow
Out of bang bang
Like me
Like p*stol Joe
And Machine g*n Moe
Is the way I'm aiming to be
Cause I'm not afraid
To stage me a raid
On some hangout
And my g*n will hum
While I'm blasting some rival g*ng out
'Cause no one I know
Gets oh, such a glow
Out of bang bang
Like me
Hundred thousand hangovers
down the drain.
I had the same thought exactly.
Seventy-five feet by feet.
Let's see. That's not important.
I have been a builder for years,
but this is a new one on me.
All we want is a club
that's -percent knock-proof.
This is it.
If anyone can ever build it.
You're the guy who'll do it.
I better give you an idea
of what this will cost:
- Close to , .
- All right, start working.
- Don't you want a competitive bid?
- You don't get the idea.
It's secret.
We're talking to one builder.
That builder ain't talking to nobody,
not even his crew.
- They must look at blueprints.
- They look at nothing!
Break it up so one guy don't know
what the other guy is doing.
- Yes, sir.
- How long will it take?
- Maybe six, seven months?
- Three.
- But that's impossible...
- Three.
- It's possible.
- Possible.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hey, boss. Phone's ringing.
- Well, answer it.
Why do they always ask me
to answer the phone?
Everything all broken up here anyway.
I don't even know where it is.
How can I answer the phone?
If there's no phone, I'm leaving.
There's ringing, must be a phone.
You keep ringing, baby.
I'm gonna find you.
Where there's a wire,
there's gotta be a phone.
Just get out.
I done found it, boss.
Hello?
Oh. Guess who? It's Gisborne.
- Three months.
- Three months is hardly time.
I'm not a magician.
This is a big job...
We'll split the difference.
Two months!
Two?
- Why do you want to argue?
- Me, argue? That's ridiculous.
- Hello?
- What do you say, Robbo?
- What's new, kid?
- Nothing much. What's new with you?
Nothing much. I'm sorry
I wasn't here when you called.
Oh, that's okay.
As long as you got my message.
I got the message, believe me.
I got it pretty good.
What are you going to do now?
- You gonna build a new joint?
- Starting tomorrow.
Don't use so many nails.
It's hard to take apart.
- All right, pal, what's on your mind?
- I'll tell you.
I've been thinking.
Why are we k*lling one another for?
We're both starting from scratch.
Why don't we build a joint together?
Be partners.
I'd rather keep you as an enemy.
As long as I hate you, I've got taste.
This guy's a funny bum, this guy.
Why you being stupid?
I got you seven to one,
not even horse-betting odds.
I'll improve the odds.
Maybe you won't live that long.
That's a promise.
You never kept a promise
in your life, you bum.
- What's he pushing?
- He wants to be partners.
How come he's so friendly?
There's been a lot of heat
since they hit Big Jim.
He figures he'll see action here,
so he's being chummy.
That's nice. I'm going to put out
a good deal of money on this...
and you have certain
occupational hazards...
Give him G's as a deposit.
Tell the help they're on salary
and we'll open soon.
- Get cleaned up, you look like a bum.
- Sorry.
Hey, architect, you got two months.
You begin tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
- Nine, , ...
[WHISTLING]
Fourteen...
Look at that candy store.
Ricks, you count to .
- How do you do, miss?
- How do you do, Robbo?
- You know my name?
- Quite well.
I'm Little John.
Didn't we meet at the polo matches?
- Do you have a place we can be alone?
- Do I have a place...?
- Down, boy.
- But...
Handle your financial transaction.
I have a place we can be alone, Miss...?
- Please, call me Marian.
ROBBO: Marian. Fine.
Excuse us. We had some untidy callers
last night.
- Where'd he dig that up?
- At the cemetery.
The upstairs maid couldn't
get to this one either.
- So I see.
- How about a chair?
Thank you.
- I shouldn't keep you in suspense.
- Oh, it's all right.
I'm enjoying the view.
My name is Marian Stevens.
- Don't ring no bell with me.
- It will.
- What were you doing at the funeral?
- Same as you.
- But I was saying goodbye to Big Jim.
- was I.
- You mean, you knew him?
- Big Jim was my father.
I was like a son to him.
He said nothing about a daughter.
Then you weren't quite like a son.
- Hm. Where you been all these years?
- Foxcroft, Vassar, the Sorbonne.
Private schools.
I don't recognize them
unless they got a PS in front of them.
- You want a little drink?
- No, thank you.
Mother d*ed when I was born.
For obvious reasons...
Father kept me out of his world.
Stevens was my mother's
maiden name.
- Sure you don't want a drink?
- No, thank you.
- I liked Big Jim. He was some guy.
- He was very fond of you.
What can I do for you?
Money? Contacts?
There is something.
Let's go to Blackstone.
We'll eat, we'll talk.
No, I want to discuss it here, now.
- Well, what's on your mind?
- I want my father's death avenged.
You mean, you want me
to sue somebody?
I want you to get the man
who k*lled my father.
[GROANS]
Classy-looking dame like you shouldn't
be making statements like that.
- I'll pay you , .
- Hold it. Wait a minute. Whoa.
I run a gambling joint.
I hustle beer.
I make people happy, not croak them.
Thirty-five thousand.
How about a little drink?
You're upset about your old man.
I respect you for it.
But shop for a k*ller?
It's walking in the jungle.
- You'll get hurt.
- Do you know who did it?
The sheriff!
Fifty thousand.
Don't be crazy.
Go back to your fox hunt.
- You said you liked my father.
- I liked him!
The cemetery's full of guys I liked!
I ain't ready to join that club!
Wait a minute.
I didn't mean to holler on you.
I'm just worried. I don't want
to see your pretty face pushed in.
- How about we have dinner?
- I want the sheriff settled first.
We...
We can discuss
social activities afterward.
[SCOFFS]
You ain't dead, pal.
You just put on high heels
and a skirt.
[CHATTERING]
[CHATTERING STOPS]
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- You have more to be sorry for.
Sit next to your cousin there.
Look how lonesome
he looks by himself.
Is there an ashtray?
He's worried about dirtying the floor?
Before I call the meeting to order...
I want to apologize
for our surroundings.
But there's nothing to worry about.
What you see here
is part of the sheriff's plan...
how we're gonna break Robbo.
- Don't blame me for this.
Nah, you're a big thinker.
Anybody can make a mistake.
I called this meeting
because I thought you got a new plan.
Like where will I get
the , to fix this joint?
- I haven't got that kind of money.
- You ain't got it on your person.
But you're getting percent
of the juice, that's steep.
I thought in view of the emergency,
you'd cut it down to percent.
Did that ever occur to you?
- My people won't stand for it.
- Well, I was just asking.
- I resent you putting the blame on me.
- Don't be resentful.
I'd never hurt your feelings.
You're a marvelous human being.
- Is the meeting done?
- That's all.
I gotta go to City Hall.
Coming, Potts?
- Yeah.
- Didn't you want to wait here?
You were gonna see
the new insurance man?
Yeah.
- Guy's agent's got a new life policy.
- Short-term.
There's a man turned out to be
a big disappointment.
Uh, deputy? How would you describe
the word "insurance"?
It's anticipating a catastrophe
and being prepared.
Speaking about catastrophes,
suppose your boss...
caught a virus
and there was no more partnership.
- What would the new sheriff charge?
- Ten percent.
Call to order.
Ways to dissolve partnership
with the old sheriff. Tomatoes.
- Let's pack him in lime.
- That's too dangerous.
We can't take no chances
they'll find any evidence.
How about making a deposit
in Lake Michigan?
No good. They tried that
last year with Julius.
Two days later, he's cruising
into port like a leviathan.
[COUGHS]
Vermin, you got the floor.
I make a motion
somebody open a window.
Somebody open a window.
Fellas, let's go!
You're not on a lunch break.
Think! Charlie Bananas.
My uncle's a guard at a steel mill
in Gary, Indiana.
How about we put him in the boiler...
throw him in with scrap,
he melts in the furnace...
next thing he's a chassis
for a Buick?!
How do we get him to Indiana?
I got it! Parcel post.
If we don't insure, it's very cheap.
We gotta stay closer to town.
Now, forget about Indiana
and the parcel post!
What, Twitch?
You gonna sneeze or say something?
I got a stonemason friend.
He's building some cornerstones...
for the new Knights of Pythias
building, a new bridge...
and the new police station.
- Go on.
If someone wants to stash something,
not to be found for over years...
The sheriff in the police station?
Will you let the man continue?
The sheriff is over feet,
the cornerstones is only feet.
- How about we fold him once?
- That'll work. Yeah, that'll work.
In the police station.
I think that's very sentimental.
That's like burying a garbage man
in the dump.
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
- The sheriff will be real happy here.
- He wasn't goofing on the job.
He was the first in,
and he'll be the last out.
- Tell them them seats is taken.
- Them seats are taken.
- Taken?
- In the back, you'll get nice seats.
- Who else is coming?
- Robbo's coming.
- You're kidding.
- I told him what we did.
- He said he wouldn't miss it.
- I hate to disagree with you, but...
Here he comes.
Glad you could make it.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present
the honorable chief of police...
of our great and wonderful city:
Chief Oscar C. Brockton.
[CROWD APPLAUDS]
Thank you.
Friends, it is a great privilege
and a distinct honor for me...
to dedicate this structure today.
It's more than a structure.
It's a symbol of justice and order.
Couldn't find a bigger room?
The Knights of Pythias,
but he wasn't a member.
I must inject one sad note
into these proceedings.
The sudden and strange disappearance
of a man, a coworker...
who truly could be called
a cornerstone of this building:
Sheriff Octavius Glick.
How I wish he were present today.
Present? He's leaning on him.
I trust he's out of town on business
and isn't the victim of foul play.
That was no foul.
That was a solid hit.
I know you will join me in
dedicating this great new building...
to Sheriff Glick,
a man of principle...
a man of determination,
a man who would not bend.
- We had no trouble.
- Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Robbo. Listen, come here.
I squared the books on Big Jim,
but I don't hear thanks.
- Thanks.
- That's all you got to say?
I'll give it to you straight.
Listen to me.
You're out of line.
Get back in line.
- Otherwise, I'm gonna have you hit.
- You do what you have to do.
If that's the way you want it.
It's not for myself. I like you.
But they're paying protection,
you ain't paying.
- I understand.
- Then there's no hard feelings?
Nah, no hard feelings. Forget it.
- Liqueur in the drawing room, madame.
- Thank you.
You're staring again, Robbo.
I can't figure you and Big Jim
out of the same stable.
If I'm not his daughter, who am I?
A society dame with
the hots for tough guys.
- You like society dames?
- Nah. Not especially.
Then why did you accept
my invitation for dinner tonight?
That's what my boys want to know.
- They're worried you might be a decoy.
- Care to frisk me?
I just did.
Cointreau, brandy, help yourself.
- What color you want?
- Cointreau, please.
- Robbo?
- Mm-hm?
If I'm not Big Jim's daughter,
why did I ask you to do in his k*ller?
For which, by the way, I thank you.
I told you once, that's not my racket.
I had nothing to do with it.
With Big Jim gone,
it leaves this town up for grabs.
I don't know. There's still Gisborne.
Father often spoke of retiring...
and the man he said he wanted
to follow him was you.
Is that so?
Considering where he finally went,
it's discouraging.
You wouldn't be careless as to
let anyone throw you a birthday party.
Only if I had a guncheck concession.
It's time for the big move.
Make it and it's all the way.
ROBBO: I get the feeling I'm being had.
MARIAN: Had?
ROBBO:
Yeah. Nudged.
- Nudged?
ROBBO: It's Italian. I'll tell you later.
You misunderstand. You can take
over this town. I just want to help.
When I want your help,
I'll ask for it.
You want to be
a two-bit thief forever?
Big Jim's daughter, sure.
I bet you never had a doll...
just a rattle on your tail.
You like it dark?
[CHUCKLES]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Some big guy comes in...
and gives me this box
from Miss Stevens.
- It wasn't ticking, so I took it.
- It wasn't ticking, so you took it.
There's a card too. "Thanks for
taking care of things. Marian."
I think Robbo's
an old-time mechanic.
Spends an evening with a doll
and she sends $ , .
- Eh, some girls is grateful.
- True, true.
I had one like that.
She was a health nut.
Whenever we went out,
she'd send me a bucket of yogurt.
- I think I got some stashed away.
- Yeah?
WILL:
Maybe she wants some of the action?
Robbo don't need no partners.
- This here is yogurt.
- This is yogurt.
[DOOR OPENS]
What's this?
It's from Miss Stevens.
Fifty grand. America
needs you for the Olympics.
She thinks I hit the sheriff.
Let her be as stubborn
as she wants.
- Take it back.
- Take it back?
- Back.
- Back.
LITTLE JOHN:
It smells so good.
Wait. Can't we talk this over, boss?
You'll hurt her feelings.
If she's stubborn,
you'll have it back tomorrow.
Dump it.
You mean spread it...
I don't mean that.
I mean, find anything,
but get rid of it.
- Okay.
- Hold it.
Sorry.
- Back.
- Back.
This used to belong to Big Jim.
MAN:
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Robin Hood sure is a nice guy.
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Paper here!
You want a pipe and slippers?
You paper moocher, you!
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Robin Hood in Chicago!
Steals from the rich
and gives to the poor!
Thank you!
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Robin Hood in Chicago!
REPORTER [ON RADIO]:
This Robin Hood's methods...
differ from his predecessor.
He uses gambling
and bootlegged beer...
to help orphans.
All the world loves
a Scoundrel, it seems...
and its newest hero is Robbo.
[CHATTERING]
[HORN HONKS]
[CHATTERING]
REPORTER :
Hold it, Robbo.
REPORTER :
Did you think this would happen?
REPORTER :
Wave your hat, Robbo.
- What's the next charity?
REPORTER : Which?
- I'll answer all your...
- How far...?
[AS CAGNEY]
Did you hear him?
- Don't get smart.
- Hey, what's that?
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I saw it in a movie.
- Shut up.
- How far do you...?
I may not like the climate
on page one.
- What'd you have in mind?
- You can't print it.
- This is the last?
- I'm Robbo, not Rockefeller.
No more grand from me.
I gotta go to work.
- Okay, shorty.
- All right, press, let's go.
Who's Robin Hood?
Must be some hood that steals birds.
Who'd want a hot canary?
- John, you know him?
- Who?
This Robin Hood.
He's an Englishman.
He had an operation
going for him in the forest.
Snatching birds, like I told you.
Oh, he had a raccoon hat.
Sir Walter Raleigh had a raccoon hat.
What was his angle?
He put his coat over a mud puddle...
so this naked blond
could cross the street.
I thought that was Daniel Boone.
When you read, you "larn." Learn.
- Hi, boys.
LITTLE JOHN: Hi.
- Go see what's outside.
- What's going on?
Newsreels and photographers.
Like the boss b*ating a federal rap.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, boss, how about a shave?
- No.
- How about a manicure?
- I don't need one.
- Anything?
- Surprise me.
- Okay.
Look at these letters.
"Home for the Aged," they want G's.
"Home for Wayward Girls"...
I'll send something.
This lady has kids,
gonna be evicted.
This guy who knew your dad.
He wants to go to Florida
for his asthma.
- Nice place for asthma.
ROBBO: Send a few hundred.
- They might be liars.
- Or not.
You can't send everybody money.
- They'll break you.
- Hey, boss.
ROBBO:
Yeah?
- There's a visitor.
ROBBO: Who?
Allen A. Dale.
ROBBO: Send him in.
- Send him in.
We got the whole town on our side.
ROBBO:
Hope we can keep them on our side too.
- Is he in?
- It's in.
ROBBO:
Give him $ . He's got problems.
Oh, no, perish the thought
at its inception, kind sir.
This unheralded intrusion
into your presence...
is not with the purpose of
soliciting pecuniary offerings.
I ask of you, do not misconstrue.
He has a problem with his throat.
So you know, I am the amanuensis...
the secretary at
the institution...
which has benefited
from your gift.
I was so overcome that
I couldn't resist...
the urge to bring happy tidings...
to communications mediums.
This act, sir, this act of serendipity
will be returned.
He does have a problem
with his throat.
- You talk English?
- Yes.
- What do you want?
- Well...
I'm from the Orphan Home.
I told the newspaper about you.
And I made the Robin Hood
comparison.
I didn't think it'd take off
like this.
So you started this, huh?
I hope you're not disgruntled
by my impertinence.
No, sit down, sit down.
Thank you, sir.
Here you are, pops.
Uh, ain't I seen you
somewhere before?
I've been trailing you all day.
You're popular, Mr. Robbo.
A real Robin Hood.
You like this character, huh?
He was the most beloved rogue
in literature.
Brave, handsome, compassionate.
He's the only hood
who really made it.
- I'm like him?
- Even your looks.
- Give this kid a drink.
- No, it's forbidden, you see.
I've been warned
since I was brought in.
Brought in? You an orphan?
No, no, not an orphan.
I was left with bread and a blanket.
The old story.
- How old were you?
- Fourteen.
Why didn't you speak up?
I liked the arrangement.
My folks were deadbeats.
We moved every other week.
I learned to skip before I could walk.
I was up for adoption
for straight years.
Terribly discouraging.
Who wants a kid that's
older than his father?
To fill in the time, I started doing
secretarial work at the home.
- How about you move in with us?
- You mean you want to adopt me, sir?
Tears your heart out, don't it?
No, I didn't mean that.
Maybe you could help with the mail.
Separate sinceres from crocodiles.
Send a couple dollars apiece.
We got no time. We're rebuilding
a knocked-over joint.
I'd be of inestimable service.
I could write speeches.
Give items to the newspapers,
take care of your charities.
I'd make you a legend
in your own time.
- Start him off with a C-note a week.
- Thank you, sir, and bless you.
Oh, gee, I'm a hood.
I'm a hood! Ho!
That's a hood?
That's right, right on in.
Take your place in line.
There you go. Right back here,
there's plenty for everyone.
Right on in.
You get right in here, sir.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
There you are, Mark.
Here's one for you.
- You new?
- Yes, sir.
There you are.
Here's your Robin Hood hat.
- The feather goes in the hat.
- In your hat!
I don't appreciate your attitude.
Mr. Robbo was considerate enough
to give us this.
Accept it graciously
and be a merry man.
That cockamamie outfit? You're nuts.
- I got enough trouble being an orphan.
- Yeah. He gots trouble.
I'm attempting to bring some
cohesiveness into this motley group.
If you're going into a snippy snit,
remaining aloof...
I'll report you to the deportment
department with demerits.
I think something's wrong
with his throat.
That could mean a*t*matic expulsion
from the brass band.
What's the rap for sh**ting
an orphan with an arrow?
I don't know.
Hear ye, hear ye,
merry men of Robin Hood!
I gaze upon you with pride and
admiration, , , brave, fearless...
courageous warriors dedicated
to the cause of right and truth.
All hail Robin Hood!
CHILDREN:
All hail Robin Hood!
BOY:
All hail Robin Hood!
'Hip-hip-hooray!
'Hip-hip-hooray!
'Hip-hip-hooray!
'Hip-hip-hooray!
'Hip-hip-hooray!
'Hip-hip-hooray!
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
You may turn in your tuba.
MAN: How do you like the sign, Robbo?
ROBBO: That ain't bad.
- Why not try it there?
MAN: You got it.
That ain't from the five-and-dime.
- The costumes come yet?
- I ain't seen them.
- Maybe you better check.
- All right.
- More flowers. Lovely, ain't they?
- Yeah, they're lovely, yeah.
- Got everything you need?
- Enough to float a battleship.
- How are you doing?
- What do I do with these?
They usually belong on
gambling tables.
- , , .
- Yeah.
- And count them.
- Me count?
- How about raising the chandeliers?
- Ridiculous.
- What did you say?
- We're gonna raise them.
How do I know where your knitting is?
What, are you tired, pal?
I've been interviewing
cigarette girls all day.
Good thing we only need two.
Come on.
Do you think three dozen cans
will be adequate?
That's all we ordered.
I'll give the young ladies
a promotional talk.
We'll open the joint in two hours,
so go home and get dressed.
- Dressed, sir?
- This ain't a Halloween party.
This is a classy opening.
You need decent clothes.
- I don't understand.
- Look at how you look.
- Better you don't look.
- Yeah, maybe not.
[SINGING] Some people dress
'Cause they like to get dressed
But you just dress to get dressed
It's only a hunch
But I bet you a bunch
He wears suspenders, a belt
And a vest
Am I correct in my assumption...
you find my habiliments
reprehensible?
- Something's wrong with his throat.
- I said that six weeks ago.
From the tip of your toes
To your head
You look like an unmade bed
I hate to belabor the obvious,
but in the interest of semantics...
I'm impelled to observe you
indulged in a mixed metaphor.
- It's his throat.
- His throat.
You've either got
Or you haven't got
Style
If you got it
You stand out a mile
A flower's not a flower if it's wilted
A hat's not a hat till it's tilted
You've either got or you haven't got class
How it draws the applause of the masses
When you wear lapels
Like the swellest of swells
You can pass any mirror and smile
You either got, or you haven't got
Got or you haven't got
Got or you haven't got style
Nah, try this.
You've either got or you haven't got style
Got or you haven't got style
If you've got it, you stand out a mile
Got it, you stand out a mile
You look like something
of a disaster area.
You think I'm too bizarre?
I think you're too carnival.
Get out of here.
With mother of pearl kind of buttons
You'll look like the Astors and Huttons
You've either got or you haven't got class
Got or you haven't got class
How it draws the applause of the masses
When you wear lapels
Like the swellest of swells
You can pass any mirror and smile
Do you mind?
Well!
You've either got or you haven't got charm
Got or you haven't got charm
Style and charm sort of go arm in arm
They kind of go arm in arm
A flower's not a flower
If it's wilted
A hat's not a hat till it's tilted
You've either got or you haven't got
- Style
- Got or you haven't got style
Got or you haven't got style
If you got it, you stand out
- A mile
- Got it, you stand out
- A mile-
- Got it you stand out a mile
When you wear those duds
Duds with black tie and studs
Watch those dolls lining up single file
You've either got or you haven't got
Got or you haven't got
Got or you haven't got
Got or you haven't got
Got or you haven't got
Style
- Hooray!
- Hooray!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALL [SINGING]: So she came
from Charleston, Charleston
Charlotte couldn't Charleston
Couldn't Charleston to save her soul
She had quite a knack
For ballin' the jack
She could shame jelly
With her jelly roll
But she couldn't Charleston, Charleston
Charlotte couldn't Charleston
So they told her to take a stroll
So the populace said, "Let's disown her"
The mayor agreed
And yelled "Stone her!"
'Cause Charlotte couldn't Charleston
Charlotte couldn't Charleston
Sweetheart, buy the boys a drink,
will you?
Not to save her soul
DEALER: , red.
WOMAN: Oh, dear, I lost again.
She lost again, listen to this.
- May I have $ worth of -cent chips?
- Another dollar in -cent chips.
How do you figure it?
What's to figure?
They're all over at Robbo's place.
All of a sudden the bum's a celebrity.
They made him into a Jean Harlow,
a Mickey Mouse.
He gave $ to a couple orphans and
they put his picture in the papers.
People want to look at him.
He's a celebrity.
In the meantime, I'm dying here.
Look at this joint.
But I've got nothing to worry about.
Because I'm paying you protection.
Just temporary, the novelty will soon
wear off, and you'll get the business.
Somebody else will get the business
before then.
What do you expect me to do?
Cut down on your cocoa.
We'll start with that.
My mind's made up. I'll send of
my best boys there with cannons.
They'll wipe out the whole joint.
One of them will get Robbo.
No.
Please! That would be a catastrophe.
He has lots of influential friends.
The whole town would be down on us.
What should I do with this joint?
Be patient, wait a few days.
I have a plan.
We don't have to use v*olence.
We lick Robbo by breaking him.
- What was that?
- We break him!
That's what your cousin,
the other scientist I listened to...
Just let me finish.
We'll knock over the joint.
This time we'll make
the raid official.
I'll use real cops. Keep the men
here in case he should hit back.
- How many cops?
- .
Thirty.
Thirty.
- We'll move next week.
- Tonight.
The place is full of big sh*ts,
judges...
Tonight.
To the ground.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
Something for the cause, please?
Thank you, gentlemen.
- Oh, you back so soon?
- Mm-hm.
Honey, you do have the busiest can
in the place.
Here you are.
- Empty it. Empty it. Empty it.
- Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
- How do you like it?
- Oh! Good evening.
Congratulations.
A wonderful night for you.
- Congratulations to you, if it works.
- Oh, it will work, all right.
[BUZZING]
You got your chance. It better work.
Oh, it will work.
I hope.
All right, everybody knows what to do.
Now go to your stations.
- You too. Come on!
- Okay, yeah.
- I can't find my clothes.
- What do you mean...?
There they are. Will you come on?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Everybody set?
Ladies and gentlemen,
a slight delay.
Take your chips
and go to the lounge, please.
No need for alarm.
Head for the lounge.
That's it.
[MUSIC STOPS]
That's it. Move right along there.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Peace be with you, brother.
Club is in violation of code .
Destroy it!
Peace be with you, brother.
[ORGAN PLAYING]
Holy smokes.
I'd have sworn there was
a joint here.
Friends, we are gathered here tonight
to honor a good man, a righteous man.
- We got the wrong place.
- How could we?
WILL:
I am proud to introduce to you...
the Reverend Allen A. Dale.
[CHORUS HUMS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
We are gathered here this evening,
brothers and sisters...
to explore the devious paths
of that demon: sin.
[CHORUS HUMS]
ALLEN: Sin can transport you
to heights of fame and fortune...
and plunge you to degradation,
demoralization and depravation.
[CHORUS HUMS]
Sin promises many prizes,
appears in many disguises...
and fights like hell
before it demises.
[CHORUS HUMS]
So we are met this evening in this
hallowed hall...
MEN:
Yeah!
So you may recognize sin's henchmen
when they call.
Yeah!
And our subject for tonight
is the most evil of them all.
Who that? I mean, who's that?
Alcohol.
[SINGING]
Mister Booze
- Mister Booze
- Mister Booze
Mister B double-O Z E
That sure spells booze
You will wind up wearing tattered shoes
If you mess with Mister Booze
Don't mess with Mister Booze
Don't mess with Mister Booze
Don't mess with B double-O Z E
If you've been so stiff they
Thought you d*ed
You'll feel better once you
Testify
- Testify, testify, testify
- Oh, yeah
I'll testify. I want to testify.
ALLEN:
Then cleanse yourself, my child.
I know this poor, unfortunate soul...
and the fight
she's waging against sin.
That devil hooch has turned her
into an unsightly person.
- Give us your testimony, my child.
- Well, it all began with Daddy.
GROUP: Yes?
There's a gambling layout here
and we'll find it.
GROUP: Yeah!
WOMAN: Do you know how
old he was when he d*ed?
GROUP: No.
He was .
GROUP: No!
That's why I've got to come clean.
GROUP: Why?
- Because I'm already .
- Who's to blame?
- Who's to blame?
- What his name?
- We know his name
His name is Mister Booze
Mister Booze
Mister B double-O Z E
- Don't ever choose
- I'll tell you why
Any game you play with
Him you lose
So don't mess with Mister Booze
- If your head feels like it's
ten foot wide - Ten foot wide
You'll feel better once you testify
- Testify, testify, testify
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
I want to testify!
You've got to let me testify.
Come forward, dear brother.
Come forward.
You see here a man who
just last year...
was the United States Olympic
heavyweight wrestling champion.
A shadow of his former self,
wasted in health, ravaged by sin.
Give us your testimony, brother.
I was cruel.
- I was mean.
GROUP: He was mean.
I was a...
pickpocket.
GROUP: Oh, no, not a pickpocket!
Then, sin got me in...
- Gin.
- A little bit of that too.
Sin and gin got me in its clutches.
That's why I need forgiving.
GROUP: Why?
Now my hand shakes so much,
I can't even make a living.
- That's a shame
- What a shame
- Who's to blame?
- Who's to blame?
- His name is Mister Booze
- Mister Booze
- Mister B double-O Z E
- You must refuse
How do you believe this?
I tell you, it walked away?
Knock down the walls...
- It's a revival meeting.
- It ain't a revival meeting.
Every crapshooter in town's here.
There's a joint here. We'll find it.
- Testify, testify, testify
- Oh, yeah
- I want to testify.
- You don't have to...
- I want to.
- You don't have to...
- Oh, let him testify.
- Very well.
Then let us lead you on the path
of righteousness. Not long ago...
he was the foremost brain surgeon
in this grand and glorious country.
Success was smiling upon him.
Go ahead, tell us your story,
oh, downtrodden one.
I used spirits for medicinal
purposes only.
GROUP: Yeah?
I manufactured it for medicinal
purposes only.
GROUP: Yeah?
Then I drank what I manufactured...
and drank myself out of business
for medicinal purposes only.
GROUP: That's right!
Alcohol makes a big man small
And can lead to life of crime
Demon rum makes a gem a bum,
And you cash in before your time.
Bootleg gin puts you in a spin
Till you don't even know your name
You're a public disgrace flat on your face
And there's only one guy to blame
Oh, Mister Booze, Mister Booze
Mister B double-O Z E
Don't ever choose
- I give up. I'm pulling my men.
- You can't.
If I don't pull them,
I won't have any.
Don't mess with Mister Booze
Don't mess with Mister Booze
We're leaving.
Don't mess with Mister Booze
Don't mess with B double-O Z E
'Cause that spells booze
And you're gonna lose with Mister Booze
Peace be with you, brother.
You, brother, you can drop dead.
Peace, all you fine gentlemen.
- Don't mess with Mister Booze
- Oh, yeah
- Don't mess with Mister Booze
- Oh, what he say now
Don't mess with Mister Booze
Now Robbo's a national personality.
People love him.
They spend money in his joint
while we're dying.
My old man's getting
free soup every day.
Not important. Forget about it.
I think he's a thr*at
to the younger generation.
I caught a kid stealing my tires,
he pulls a bow and arrow on me.
My old man gets free soup every day...
Forget about that soup already!
If you're so impressed,
go join his merry men.
Stick a feather in your ear, walk
around in green drag, you'll be happy.
What's the matter? You can't see
what he's doing in your heads?
I gotta explain that to you.
This man's organizing himself the
biggest bodyguard there ever was:
The people of Chicago.
He's in so thick with them, you
can't touch him with a flagpole.
Now once and for all,
this man's gotta go.
We can't have any v*olence,
I warn you.
Forget the warnings. Just sit down.
My friend is working on
a cornerstone for a synagogue.
- No.
- Even if we get Robbo to convert?
Disappearing is the same as hitting.
[COUGHS]
- Open a window.
- I got an idea.
Somebody open a window anyway.
Before we offed the sheriff,
I took some things from him.
His badge, his g*n, his wallet
with his driver's license.
GUY:
Keep talking, Vermin.
Maybe we could use the stuff.
We could put it in a certain place.
I like what you're saying.
Keep talking. Just keep talking.
I don't have
experience in this area.
But I think I can handle it.
MAN: Do you swear to tell the truth
and nothing but the truth?
GUY: I do.
- Take the stand.
Mr. Gisborne, tell the court
of a conversation...
between you and the defendant
after Big Jim's m*rder.
I'll tell you that story now.
I was in the hotel
with some friends...
we meet to play mahjong.
It's : , Robbo comes in.
He don't knock, nothing.
He barges right in,
and he declares himself.
He says this, I'll never forget it,
now that Big Jim...
has gone to meet his maker...
he's decided... He means
that the man was dead.
I want you to understand.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Now he says Big Jim is dead,
he's the new boss...
and everybody has to pay him
a -percent service charge...
that's for protection.
Tell me, Mr. Gisborne...
what was your reaction?
Stunned. I was stunned.
In other words, I couldn't talk.
Finally, I regained my composure,
and I said to him:
"Robbo. Why do we need
a new boss for?
We've got an honest man,
Sheriff Glick."
What did he say to that?
You want the exact words?
The exact words.
Here's what he said.
"Don't worry about Sheriff Glick...
because I'm going
to fix his wagon."
Next thing I know,
the wagon is fixed.
Hmm. Did Robbo say
how he planned to...
fix the sheriff's wagon?
He did not. But I'll tell you this.
When he fixes a wagon,
it's an interesting ride.
I object. This comes
from a witness...
who is a convicted m*rder*r
and racketeer.
He is under oath...
he knows the consequences
for lying.
- Absolutely.
- Objection overruled.
Thank you. He's nice.
That will be all, Mr. Gisborne.
Sit down.
Deputy Potts...
were there meetings
between Robbo and the sheriff...
prior to the m*rder.
- One, in particular.
Robbo said something
would happen to Big Jim...
and asked the sheriff
if he wanted protection.
The sheriff threw him out.
I see. Did Robbo contact him
after this?
He threatened him.
The sheriff was in fear of his life.
In other words, the sheriff
could not be bribed.
A man of honesty and integrity.
- Yes.
- An upstanding public official.
Yeah.
A very solid citizen.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[JUDGE BANGING GAVEL]
ALLEN: I've just returned from
a visit with our leader.
What are we now?
The merry men of ?
I demand to see the warden.
I find your levity
tasteless and macabre.
- How did he k*ll the sheriff?
- He didn't have anything to do...
with that.
Don't you believe him?
Anybody want a hat?
There's a good lesson
to learn from this.
Robbo made mistakes in the past...
but they've come back to haunt him.
[SINGING]
We're taught and taught and taught
To do the things we ought
But all the things we're taught
Can all add up to naught
Unless we really come to know
There are just two ways to go
Take it from me, don't be a do-badder
A do-badder, a do-badder
You'll put your foot on that ladder
That leads you to that place below
And every day you'll grow sadder
You'll feel sadder
You'll get madder
use that self same step ladder
To climb the other way
Scrapping and fighting
Scratching and biting
Cheating and acting selfish
Makes your heart like a part
Of the hardest
Of hard-shelled shellfish
Take it from me, don't be a do-badder
A do-badder, a do-badder
Just step aboard that step ladder
And climb the other way
- Take it from me, don't be a
- Do-badder
- Do-badder
- Do-badder
Well you put your foot on that ladder
That leads you to that place below
- And every day you'll
- Grow sadder
- Feel sadder
- Get madder
- Ha, ha!
- So use that self same step ladder
To climb the other way
Scrappin' and fightin'
Scratchin' and bitin'
Cheatin' and actin' selfish
Makes your heart like a part
Boy, can he dance.
- Take it from me, don't be a
- Do-badder
- Do-badder
- Do-badder
Just step aboard that step ladder
To climb the other way
Take it from me, don't be a do-badder
A do-badder, a do-badder
You'll put your foot on that ladder
That leads you to that place below
And every day you'll grow sadder
You'll feel sadder
You'll get madder
use that self same step ladder
To climb the other way
Don't be a do-badder
Do-badder, do-badder
Just climb aboard that step ladder
And all you do is climb the other way
All you have to do is simply
Climb the other way
A do good
[SHOUTS IN PAIN]
I was framed!
- Liqueur in the drawing room.
- Thank you.
Tell me, why did you leave Indiana?
The boss, Grubby Mattson,
had a girl named Bumblebee O'Neill...
she was a dancer, and he got
worried that I was also with her.
He didn't like somebody else getting
the honey, so I decided to buzz off.
You have two weaknesses:
women and pool.
The day I find a gal that can
handle a cue, I got it made.
Father taught me the game
when I was .
- I still play once in a while.
- What kind do you like?
MARIAN:
Rotation.
That figures.
Brandy, Cointreau, help yourself.
- And you?
- Brandy, please.
- John?
- Hm?
- Where do go you from here?
- Robbo's store.
- May take years.
- At a week, I'll eat.
- John.
- Yes?
Do you always want
to be a Storekeeper?
When you see something you want,
you should take it.
I'm beginning to get the ringings.
I think we're on two different tracks.
Keep talking.
We'll come to a junction.
Just give me the right proposition.
You're on top of the rightest
proposition you've had.
If you're talking about taking over,
forget it. Robbo's my pal.
Who's talking about that?
I'm talking about using
what you have to its fullest.
- Like what?
- Like the charities.
- If I had my way, I'd dump it all.
- Mm-mm.
LITTLE JOHN:
Mm-mm?
It's the best horse in the race.
- You talk like you want to be a jockey.
- You look like a front-runner.
I think it's post time.
Let's make it a nice, long race, huh?
How do they look?
Not good, Robbo. We'll appeal.
The prospects are bad, but...
- How bad?
- Twenty.
- Years?
- If you're lucky.
That's a lot of license plates.
BAILIFF:
Everybody rise.
Cook County, Illinois.
Judge Komp presiding.
Defendant is present.
Have you reached a verdict?
It's irregular,
but I would like to make a statement.
JUDGE:
Proceed.
For four weeks, this jury has
listened to the testimony.
The defendant not only
supposedly k*lled the sheriff...
he started the Chicago Fire
and k*lled Cock Robin.
I've been a detective for years...
and I've seen good ringers.
I think the prosecution
deserves congratulations for having...
the best collection...
of shifty-eyed, double-crossing
two-faced liars.
This jury declares
the defendant innocent.
[MOUTHS]
Bravo.
Who mentioned Cock Robin?
- Things like this happen.
- Shut up.
[CHEERING]
[SINGING]
Now this could only happen to a guy like me
And only happen in a town like this
may I say to each of you most gratefully
As I throw each one of you a kiss
This is
My kind of town
Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people too
People who smile at you
And each time I roam
Chicago is
Calling me home, Chicago is
Why I just grin like a clown
It's my kind of town
- My kind of town
- Chicago
- My kind of town
- Chicago
My kind of people too
People who smile at you
And each time I leave, Chicago is
It's tuggin' my sleeve, Chicago is
- The Wrigley building
- Chicago is
- The union stockyard
- Chicago is
One town that won't let you down
- It's my
- Chicago is
Kind of town
Hey, boss, welcome home!
Hey, boss!
It's great to be back, everybody.
I want the biggest blowout
ever seen tonight.
Balloons and streamers.
I'll get the dough for some shopping.
What's the matter?
It's been changed.
Who changed it?
- John, sir.
- Why?
He thought you'd be...
Change it back.
Where's John been?
He wasn't at the trial.
He's working on the charities.
- That's your job.
- There have been changes.
That so?
Let's take a look.
- Will he do anything rash?
- I hope he gets the same jury.
Hi, boys. Hello, men.
Everything seems okay.
Open it.
When did you get out?
Where's John?
Does anybody know
where the chief is?
- The chief?
- Yeah, the chief.
He's with her royal majesty.
Yeah, that's where he is.
Mm-hm. Reports from Atlanta are great.
They passed , in hours.
Gus, New England is wide open.
Get a soup kitchen in Boston.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
If they don't drink minestrone...
toss in some clams
and call it chowder.
[CHUCKLES]
Keep in touch.
You should get up to see
if your legs still work.
With something like you,
who needs legs?
[DOOR OPENS]
BUTLER: I don't think...
- That's a good idea.
Jail's out early today.
I'm disappointed. I'd respect you
if you took over alone.
It's not a takeover.
We raised the action.
- It still has your name.
- Thanks.
Show him the report.
We got no rules
for dames in our racket...
but you pay if you make a mistake,
so no more mistakes.
That, I take it, is a special reprieve
for Big Jim's daughter.
You're charitable. I'll tell you
how to be even more charitable.
The Robin Hood Foundation stays as is.
You will have an office,
where you will be given a pen...
and an allowance
for your benefaction.
With only one slight modification:
I take, you give.
[TEARS PAPER]
ROBBO:
My gift to you.
You didn't do that right.
Don't tell him he's a Stooge,
he's got pride.
He's got nothing!
You should have
tried for a partnership.
Robbo is no longer a consideration.
We've got his rep,
tonight you get rid of him.
I like Robbo.
- I'm not hitting.
- You're scared.
Not of him, you. You move too fast.
I like things easy. I'm packing.
MARIAN:
I take a candy-store Romeo...
stick half of Chicago in
his pocket, and this is my payoff?
A guy shouldn't work
for a boss with great legs.
Keeps his mind off business.
Robbo, he crosses his legs, nothing.
Bye.
- Liqueur in the drawing room.
- Thanks.
So, uh...
So you're Big Jim's little girl, huh?
You sure didn't inherit his build.
- That's charming.
- I know some jokes.
We must move quickly.
- Uh, Guy.
- What?
Call me Guy.
I want you to feel free with me.
By quickly, I mean tonight.
Tomorrow's better.
Tonight we get to know one another.
We'll break up the ice a little.
We move tonight or never.
Tonight? I'm not against that.
I'd like to move right now.
Is anyone using this room?
It's very rude to rise
when I'm still seated.
- Stand up then.
- Charming.
I can be debonair.
Can I move this chair?
I'm too far from you.
You're beautiful.
- Mr. Gisborne.
- Guy. Call me Guy.
While Robbo was away,
I got the charities.
John was fronting for me.
Oh. So you were behind that?
I didn't think it was John,
because what does he know?
I built it, and I have no
intention of giving it up.
But I can't fight Robbo alone.
Take care of him,
and you and I can have a partnership.
I like the whole idea.
There's a few problems.
It's not easy. He could get you
with both hands in his pockets.
He could sh**t with his navel.
Second, he's got friends.
The people of Chicago
have made him into a hero.
That Robin Hood's been dead
years don't matter.
Number three is his pal John.
They're close, like this here.
- You have to hit two, not one.
- Then hit two.
Hit two?
This operation clears , a week.
In three months we can double that.
In a year, the moon.
What'll we do with Deputy Potts?
Get rid of him too.
Him too. Who was your mother,
Dutch Schulz?
I'll hit two, not the deputy.
He's protection.
- Very well, forget the sheriff.
- Oh, thank you.
That's two we're hitting.
- That's a double jackknife.
- A double jackknife?
That's a dry dive.
You have a phone?
BUTLER: Proceed.
- Thank you.
Garfield .
Twitchy? Gisborne.
Listen, regarding the stonemason.
I want a double accommodation
for Robbo and his pal John.
Not singles. You got a family-size?
What do you got?
No. Wait, what was that last one?
I like it. Oh, I like it.
Prepare. Prepare.
Everything will be all right.
I'm curious, Mr. Gisborne.
- Guy. Always Guy.
- You must give me the details.
Can we find a more comfortable place
where we could talk? A couch?
How will you k*ll them?
That is a professional secret.
You can understand that.
You can tell me. We are
going into business together.
So we'll find a soft location
and have a conference.
Would you prefer, Cointreau or brandy?
- Uh, anything is fine.
- All right.
But first, you must
tell me all about it.
Guysie.
Guysie? Guysie?
I'll tell you everything.
Hey. you got it.
- Oh, but you forgot the rest.
- Oh.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
My dear friends...
when I came to this country
years ago, I had nothing...
but the heritage of six generations
of pretzel benders.
Now I had made up my mind
to make a fortune in America.
I knew that I had to do more
than just make another pretzel.
So I deliberated and deliberated...
until I came up
with the solution known...
around the world as
the Hammacher twist.
Twice as much pretzel in one pretzel.
What's holding Guy?
I'll tell you,
That crane's holding him up.
He made one mistake:
he tried to do it alone.
So you can sh**t from the navel.
- You got hours to clear out.
- Carry the bags, fat boy.
HAMMACHER: Now, my dear friends,
I invite everybody inside the bar.
The schnapps is on Hammacher.
Shouldn't we have one for Gisborne?
Didn't we give him a short beer?
[SPEAKS GERMAN]
- Please don't take my cocoa.
- Yes, sir.
- Liqueur in the drawing room.
- Thanks.
I am confident you've
arranged everything.
I've rented the auditorium...
contacted the necessary parties
and found painters.
We can't afford any slip-ups.
When Robbo says hours,
he doesn't mean .
Tomorrow will tell the tale.
Tomorrow is in the hands of fate,
but tonight is all ours.
Oh, I agree.
I don't know what you're going
to do with your part of it.
I'm going to sleep.
- Yeah, uh... Miss Stevens?
MARIAN: Good night.
Your hat and coat, sir.
SHERIFF:
Good night.
MARIAN:
Ta-ta.
Ta-ta to you too.
- This way out...
- I know the way!
Are you content
to raise your children...
in a city run by gangsters?
CROWD: No!
Will you let your sons
idolize this phony Robin Hood...
who uses soup kitchens
to print counterfeit money?
CROWD:
No!
Thank you. Now I would
like to introduce a man who...
is dedicated to public service.
A great officer of the law.
The man who will lead us...
in our fight for
better government...
Deputy Sheriff Alvin Potts.
[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
Thank you, Miss Stevens.
May I say that I
whole-heartedly support...
the Women's League
for Better Government?
[CHEERING]
[SIREN WAILING]
[DRUM b*ating]
REPORTER [ON RADIO]:
Once a hood, always a hood.
Those with pride
in the soup kitchens...
were shocked to find
the kitchens were fronts...
for a large counterfeiting ring.
The leopard, it seems,
cannot change his spots.
[CHATTERING]
Read all about it!
Robin Hood a hood!
[HORN HONKS]
Yes, sir.
Paper? I always knew he was a hood.
I must talk to Mr. Jake.
- You knit one and you purl two.
- Okay.
Otherwise you drop a stitch,
you know...
I insist on talking to Mr. Jake.
Yes.
Give me that.
I don't want any trouble
with you bums down there.
Go clean up that soup kitchen.
We run a charity.
I can't work for two bosses.
That dame called this morning...
and she said not to stop,
and not take orders from nobody.
Everybody against the wall.
Hello. Hello!
He hung up on me. Let's go down
there, make a few ripples.
[YELLING]
- Holy mackerel!
- Those little...
Close it and lock it.
LITTLE JOHN:
You're gonna let them do that?
I can fight hoods or cops,
but not the people.
LITTLE JOHN:
Me neither.
ROBBO:
Me first.
I forgot my knitting.
Oh, dear.
[BELL RINGING]
Merry Christmas! Ooh, thank you!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho. Merry Christmas, thank you.
- Let's get coffee.
- Let's see if the boss wants any.
Whoopsy daisy!
Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.
How about some coffee?
WILL: I'm treating.
ROBBO: Where'd you get the money?
- Some guy missed the bucket.
- Follow me.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
ROBBO:
Ain't that the dame's outfit?
LITTLE JOHN:
Yeah, "WLBG."
- They must be doing good.
- Yeah, come on.
Happy Yuletide, gentlemen.
Oh, this wet snow infuriates me...
but I can't wear galoshes
with evening clothes.
Why, that dirty...
Hey, we blow this job,
we won't have a pot.
- What happened to Potts?
- He must be in there.
Happy Yuletide, Mr. Potts.
[RINGING]
ALL [SINGING]:
Oh, take it from me
Don't be a do-badder
A do-badder, a do-badder
Just climb aboard that step ladder
And climb the other way
Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964)
Moderator: Maskath3