22x04 - Bedlam in Paradise

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[SQUEAKING AND GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GALLOPING SOUND]

He's got galloping
hoofs to the heart.

My goodness,
hoof and heart disease.

That means he's
nearing the finish line.

They're going
around the first turn,

Shemp is in lead by a... Unh!

Come on. He's dying,
you're telling jokes.

We should take his temperature.
If we only had a thermometer.

Wait.

Here's a thermometer.

Good.

Open your mouth, Shemp.

No, I don't like pills.

Give.

[SQUEAK]
Ow!

Now you go on,
heat him a hot water bag.

Heat a hot water bag?

Ten degrees below zero.

Hey, it can't be.

And what do you think
you're doing?

What? You told me. I'm heating
the hot water bottle.

Oh, I see.

Ooh!

Get out of here, you.

[LARRY GRUNTS]

You idiot, you made him
swallow the thermometer.

Now rub his stomach. Maybe he'll
regurgitate the broken glass.

[GLASS CRUNCHES]

[GLASS CRUNCHES]

It's no use, he's full of glass.

Gather close, fellas.

I'm gonna kick the bucket.

Oh, no.

I'm going, boys.
Now you behave.

If you don't,
I'll come back and haunt you.

[SQUEAKING AND GRUNTING]

[BARKING]

He sunk.
He's gone to the dogs.

[BOTH CRYING]

Poor Shemp.

[SOBBING]

Poor Shemp.

[BOTH CRYING]

Poor Shemp.

[BOTH CRYING]

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yes.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes.

Shemp is not?

Oh, Shemp is?

Oh.

Miss Jones, bring in
the earthly report

of my nephew, Mr. Shemp.

Shemp, there seems
to be some mix up

regarding your eligibility
to enter these portals.

But Uncle Mortimer, I...

Is this what you want, sir?

Thank you.

Heep! Eep! Eep!

[SQUEAKING]

Shemp!

I hope you brought
your asbestos suit with you.

Asbestos suit?

Gosh, no, I wouldn't
need it up here, I...

But your report shows
that you and your cousins,

Moe and Larry have been
pretty bad boys.

Oh. Oh, well.

All right.

Give me a pitchfork
and a red union suit

and I'll go.

Fret not, my friend.

We will supply you
with everything.

Come along with me.

Not so fast with
your devilish wiles.

I haven't released Shemp yet.

Thanks, Uncle Mortimer.

Shemp, I will give you
one chance

to save yourself
from our archenemy.

You will go back to Earth
and reform Moe and Larry

And if you do,
you can come back here for good.

If not... Wait, wait.

I'll succeed, I'll reform
that Moe and Larry

if it kills me.

What am I saying?
I'm already dead.

[CHUCKLES]

You realize that they will not
be able to hear you or see you.

They won't hear or see me, eh?

That's great, just perfect.

Ha, not so perfect.

For I have Moe and Larry
under my evil influence.

And I'll thwart you.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Hello, big boy.

My name is Helen.

Helen what?

Helen Blazes.

Oh, charmed to know you.

Why don't you come down
and see us sometime?

We have some real hot dances.

Dance?
Mm-hm.

[♪♪♪]

What am I doing?

Beat it, you devils.
Go to blazes.

They nearly got me
but I'm okay now,

and I'll reform
that Moe and Larry.

Good.

MAN:
Board!

All aboard!
[HORN HONKS]

Express, leaving from Cloud .

Bound for the Big Dipper,

Mars, Venus,

the Earth and Cucamonga.

Board!
[HORN HONKS]

You'd better hurry
if you wanna catch that train.

I'll catch that train, but I
gotta do something here first.

You see that?

Ah.

Goodbye. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Listen, you old rain cloud,

why don't you look
where you're going?

I had the right of way.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

What's the idea?

You think you're in California?

Gee whiz.

[WOLF WHISTLE]

[WOLF WHISTLE]

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

[YELLING]

Cut it out, Uncle Mortimer!

MAN: Board!
Wait for me!

[MOE & LARRY SOBBING]

"Et cetera, et cetera.

"And furthermore,

"Where as I, Shemp the Stooge,

"being of unsound mind,

"do hereby prove it,

"by leaving all my worldly
possessions to my cousins

Moe and Larry.
Share and share alike."

[BOTH CRYING]

This is all of
poor Shemp's worldly goods.

A hundred and forty dollars.

To be divided equally
between you.

Poor Shemp. He left us
all his money.

BOTH:
Money?

[MOE MUTTERING]

Oof!

It's a good thing you hit me
with money or I'd resent that.

Quiet. We gotta
divide this dough up

fair and square.

Say, there seems
to be some more in here.

Wait a minute.

[SNAP]
Ooh! Oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow! Ow, ow!

Oh.

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

Laugh that off.

[MUTTERING]

[♪♪♪]

A hundred and forty smackers.

That makes
bucks for you, Larry.

One, two,

three, four.

Robber.

Say, tell me,

how old you have to be to
collect your old age pension?

Sixty-five.
Sixty-five?

Sixty-six, ,

, , .

There we are.

Hey.

Your pile is bigger than mine.

Here's where I start
reforming you, mister.

Why don't you watch
what you're doing?

What are you talking about?

You know what
we're talking about.

Yeah, you blew that money
right off the desk.

[GASPS]

I'll divide it this time.

That's better.

I think you gypped me.

Oh.

You've been picking
on that little guy long enough.

It's about time you get
a dose of your own medicine.

Oh, wise guy, huh?

I didn't do nothing!

Why, you, I'll...

[GROANING]

Moe, wait.
I'll mash you.

Hey, that's enough
of this nonsense.

Pay me my fee.
I've got a luncheon date.

Oh, yes, your fee.
How much is it?

A hundred and fifty dollars.

Why, Shemp only left us
a hundred and forty.

I'll take it.

Are you sure this is
all you've got?

That's the last
red cent, Mr. Fleecem.

See?

[LAUGHS]

Any other lawyer would have
taken the case for $ .

Oh, is that so?

[LAUGHS]

That's what I call
easy pickings.

Are you telling me.

[LAUGHS]

Well, be seeing you later,
chumps.

Don't stay in
the office too long.

Dirty crook.
You mind if we breathe?

Dirty crook.

Well, that did it.
We're flat broke.

Got a dime for car fare?

Say, I had some air mail stamps.

Well, what do you know?

I know you're trying
to gyp me again.

[GROANS]

Moe, I wasn't trying to gyp you.

I thought I had a couple of...

Moe.

Yeah?

You took my money, didn't you?

Yeah, sure.

My pocket was empty, wasn't it?

Sure.
Well, what's this?

Hey,

there's something funny
going on around here.

I got it.

You know, Shemp said he was

coming back to Earth
to haunt us.

Ah, let him come.

I ain't afraid of that fathead.

[GROANS]

Moe, why did you hit me for?

MOE: I didn't touch you.
That was what I was afraid of.

Shemp's here, it's him,
his ghost just hit me.

Oh, I ain't afraid of ghosts.

Stand aside, I'll prove it.

Keep your hands in your pockets.

Shemp, if you're around here,

give me a smash on the chin
and convince me.

[MOE GRUNTING]

Oh.

I'm convinced.

Ha-ha!
Well, things are looking up.

[LAUGHS]

Well, so far you boys have
had easy pickings, eh, what?

We certainly have. You know,
we've made a small fortune

thanks to you.

I must admit that, uh,

I did give you some
devilish good ideas, eh?

Sure thing. Now if we can
only get the De Puysters

to buy our phony fountain pen
invention for $ , today,

we'll be on easy street.

LARRY:
When the De Puysters
see a pen

that writes under whipped cream

they'll will fall for it
like the other suckers did.

You know you've
been very kind to us.

Now what can we do for you?

Oh, don't worry.
When the time comes,

I'll let you know.

This guy must be in too high
an income tax bracket.

Well, uh, good day, gentlemen.

Goodbye,
Mr. Heller.

Here's where I really
start reforming you two.

Well, a toast to easy money.

Toodle-oo.

Skip the gutter.
Break a leg.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Hey, what's the big idea?

You did it and you're asking me?

Oof!
I didn't do it.

It was Shemp. He's come back
to haunt us again.

Shemp, if you're really here,

give us a break, will you?

Uh, but no tricks.

Oh, no?

[BOTH SCREAM]

Shemp, where are you?

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey, that's the De Puysters.
Get ready.

I'll get the invention.

Here is our invention.

Well I'm dying to be
the first one to see

a fountain pen
write under whipped cream.

Indeed, so am I.

Now you take the fountain pen

and place it in here.

And put the paper in thusly.

And pour the cream overall.

Now turn the motor on to low.

LARRY:
Low.

MOE:
It must turn slowly.

Otherwise, it would overflow.

Now would you care to make
out your check for ,

now or later?
DE PUYSTER: Well, I...

Ah.

[GASPS]

[LAUGHS]

This is preposterous.

What next?

A towel,
I'd like to have a towel.

Oh, my...

[GROANS]

[SHRIEKS]

[MRS. DE PUYSTER
GROANING]

Well, that beats the devil.

You and your invention.

Now, you look...

[ALL SHOUTING]

[SCREAMING]

Uncle Mortimer,
it's working out.

I think they'll turn honest.

Help, help! Oh!

Help... Help me.

I'm burning...

I'm... Aah!

Oh, Moe! Oh!

Wanna piece of pie?
Moe, Larry!

That guy's dreaming again.

Why don't you... Hey, Larry!

He's been smoking in bed again.

Get the water and the ax!

Put me out!

I'm burning up!
You nitwit, you.

Oh, oh, oh!

You brainless idiot.
Oh! Oh!

Turn him around.
Turn him around.

MOE:
That's it.

Why, you nitwit.
Get some more water!

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh!

Okay, look out, I'll... [CLANG]

[GRUNTING]

Ah.

Ah. Oh...

Ahh...

What a dream.

You know, fellas,

I just dreamt we invented
a fountain pen

that writes under whipped cream.

[LAUGHING]

Under whip...

There's your whipped cream.

And there's your fountain pen.

Write yourself a letter.

"Dear Uncle Mortimer..."

[♪♪♪]