12x05 - Micro-Phonies

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

CURLY: Mmm!

LARRY: Mm! Mmm!

Mm! Mmm!

Mm! Mmm!

Mm! Mmm!

Mm! Mmm!

Mm! Mmm!

Wait a minute!

You lamebrains can't do
anything right, can you?

Get up out of here! Come on.

Get over there.
You come over here.

Now, get to work.

Mm! Mmm!

Mm! Mmm!

Just a second! Mmm!

Let me have that wrench.

Let me have it. You imbeciles.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

[GRUNTS]

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ I hear
The voice of spring... ♪

Hey, boys. I must be dead.

I hear an angel singing.

♪ Return The skies are blue ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ O-oh, o-oh O-oh, o-ohh ♪

♪ Love is like A flower ♪

♪ O-oh, o-oh, o-oh, ohh... ♪

My. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.
Ain't she pretty?

Boy, you can say that again.

My. Nyuck, nyuck.
Ain't she pretty?

Shut up. You said I could!

Shut up. We're on the air.

Mm-mm! [HOLDING NOTE]

♪ The voice of spring
Is in the air ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-ohh, o-o-o-ohh
O-o-o-ohh, o-o-o-ohh ♪

[PLAYS NOTES]

[SINGS SAME NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS HIGHER SCALE]

[SINGS HIGHER NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS HIGHER SCALE]

[SINGS HIGHER NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS SAME SCALE]

[SINGS SAME NOTES WITH FLUTE]

[SINGS, HOLDS HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

[PIANO PLAYS CONCLUSION]

[APPLAUSE]

[BLOWS]

Pfft!

Hi, boss. I was just
starting to put the--

I know. I know.

There's a radiator. And look,
there's a piece of pipe.

But the radiator ain't no good

unless it's connected
with the pipe.

Not one eenie, itty bitty good.

You jugheads!

Get busy and finish this job!

We ain't got enough stuff.

Well, go get it!

Here's your recording,
Miss Andrews. And very nice too.

Thank you.

I'll see that Mrs. Bixby
hears this record,

and I hope she'll
hire you for her program.

But I still can't understand

why you won't audition
for her in person.

Mr. Allen, My name isn't
really Andrews, it's Van Doren.

And I know Mrs. Bixby very well.

So you see, I couldn't
possibly audition in person.

I don't get it.

See, my father doesn't approve
of my being a radio singer,

so I have to do it
under an assumed name.

Well, I follow you so far.

Well, if Mrs. Bixby hires me,

my father can't object, because
she's an old family friend.

That's simple enough, isn't it?

Oh, sure. Sure. Simple
like radar. Uh-huh.

I'll do my best
to get the job for you.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Allen.

Ooh!

What's the matter?

I'm sorry, Moe.
It was an accident.

I know, fellas. Accidents
will happen. Sure.

Now, you take this wrench.

I don't want it. Ohh! Ohh!

MOE: I'll m*rder you.
LARRY: What's the idea?

Get out. Ooh! Ooh!

MOE: I'll make
powder out of that.

Let me alone. Come on.

What's going on here? Pick up
that stuff and get to work!

So help me, this is your last--

Oh!

[ALL CHATTERING]

BOSS: Come back here!

MOE: No, no. No, wait!

I k*ll you!

[ALL SHOUTING]

[SHOUTING IN ITALIAN]

If you hit me with that, I'll --

Ohh!

BOTH: Ooh!

[BARKING]

[BARKING]

Ow!

Oh-oh-oh.

[INDISTINCT SHOUT]

Ow! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[BONES CRUNCH] Oww!

Ow! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

[LAUGHS]

Ha-ha. Boy, right on the head.

Aha! Oh!

Now, I'm gonna crush you
all in little pieces!

[YELLS]

You break my glasses!
You break my violin!

I'm gonna cut your head off!

[GRUNTS] Whoa!

Whoo-whoo-whoo!

You lamebrains.
Get me out of here!

Whoo-whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo whoo!

Ah-ah-ah.

We eluded him.

Yeah. We got away too.

Quiet.

Oh, a "microphoney."

And a phony at the mike.

Get out of here. Oh! Mmm!

Mm-mm!

[TAPPING]

[HOOFBEAT SOUND]

Ho! Ho! Ho!

[NEIGHS, SNORTS]

Quiet, numbskulls.
I'm broadcasting.

[TAPPING] [SQUEAKS]

Use Gritto, radio friends.

The soap that gives your hands
that dishpan look.

How will the old man know
you've been working...

if your hands don't have
that dishpan look, hmm?

[CHUCKLES]

Put a box of Gritto
in a glass of water,

then listen to it fizz.

[HONKS TWICE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Dopes.

Remember, Gritto
spelled sideways

is "ottri-guh-guh."
[CLEARS THROAT]

And now Gritto's own story
of Sandra Sandpile.

And here's mud in your eye.

Music.

Hawk, who is that stepping
off the boulevard

down by the chicken house?
'Tis she.

I shall tie her to the tracks--

["VOICES OF SPRING" PLAYING]

ALICE [SINGING]:
♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ I hear the voice
Of spring, I do ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ When the birds return
The skies are blue ♪

Good afternoon, Mrs. Bixby.

Good afternoon. I was
to audition a singer.

Will you tell Mr. Allen
that I'm here?

He left word for you
to go to Studio B,

and he will join
you there. Very well.

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ Oh-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, oohhh ♪

♪ The voice of spring
Is in the air ♪

♪ O-o-o-oh, o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-oh, o-o-o-oh ♪

[FLUTE PLAYS SCALE]

[SINGS SAME NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS HIGHER SCALE]

[SINGS HIGHER NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS HIGHER SCALE]

[SINGS HIGHER NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS SAME SCALE]

[SINGS SAME NOTES WITH FLUTE]

[SINGS, HOLDS HIGH-PITCHED NOTE]

[PIANO PLAYS CONCLUSION]

Señorita, you were marvelous.

I enjoyed your singing
so much. I'm Mrs. Bixby.

Mr. Allen told me he had
a wonderful new personality

for my Krispy Krunchy Program.

He was so right. Ahh-ahh.

It's agreed then.
You'll work for me.

I have the contracts right here.

Now, just a minute, lady.

I won't haggle. I'll double
the amount of money.

Well, I don't know-- M-m-money.

Did you say money?

I remember the stuff.

What do we do? Where do we sign?

Give me those contracts.

Señorita Cucaracha,
you sign right here.

Oh, I just remembered.
I'm having a few guests

in tonight for a musical party.

You must come and sing for them.

Oh, well, now, that's a problem.

I'll pay you $ if you come.

Five hundred dollars?

Who do we have to m*rder?

We'll be there with
bells on. Splendid.

How am I gonna sing
at the party?

The same way as you did here.

Oh, what a marvelous
voice. Thank you.

Not you. [KISSES]

Come on. We gotta go shopping.

You gotta look nice
at the party. Come on.

Good evening, gentlemen.

BOTH: Good evening, Jeeves.

Just a minute.
We came with a lady.

Oh, pardon.

Quite a shack, this Bixby joint.

Yeah. Reminds me
of the reform school.

Jeeves, what time
do they serve cocktails?

[BUTLER CLEARS THROAT]

So happy to have you here.

My dear, would you care

to go to the powder room?

Oh, no, no. She always
looks like that. Oh. Ha-ha.

Oh, then come meet my guests.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have the honor

of presenting the great artist
Señorita Cucaracha...

Señor Mucho...

And Señor Gusto.

[CROWD MURMURING]

What is it, Alice?

Father, I am sure
I know those men.

Ah, señorita. I am thrilled.

[KISSES]

I'm kind of tickled
myself. [LAUGHING]

Nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

Hey. Look who's here.

We'd better get out of here.

If he spots us,
we're cooked. Come on.

Oh, Mrs. Bixby.
I'm so sorry I'm late.

I meet some crazy peoples.

They bust my fiddle.
They bust my glasses.

Mrs. Bixby, you will excuse me.

I cannot play my fiddle.
I can sing instead, oh?

Oh, of course. We shall be glad
to have you sing, signor.

Look at my glasses. All broke.

It's a good thing
he ain't got his glasses.

Maybe he won't know us.
LARRY: Yeah.

Come on. [CLEARS THROAT]

I'm sorry about
your glasses, signor.

Would you care to sing now?

MAN: Delighted.

[APPLAUSE]

Muscling in on our territory.

We got to do something
to stop him.

[PIANO PLAYING]

I got it, fellas.

Here.

[SINGING IN ITALIAN]

[POP] [PIANO STOPS]

[CROWD MURMURING]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

That was a shot, boy.
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

All right. Once more, please.

[PIANO PLAYING]

Okay, kid.

[SINGING IN ITALIAN]

[POP] [PIANO STOPS]

[GAGGING]

[CROWD MURMURING]

Ha! All right. [GIGGLES]

Ha-ha!

Once more, please.

[PIANO PLAYING]
Why don't he quit?

Let's give him a salvo.

[SINGING IN ITALIAN]

Fire.

[MULTIPLE POPS]

[CHOKING]

MAN: You all right?

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Cherries, huh?

See how you like them, wise guy!

See how you like them!

Swell. Now we got a clear field.

All we got to do
is knock 'em dead

with your song, and we're in.

Just be careful of that record.

Nothing's gonna happen to it.

It might get broke.

Not with me handling it!

Just be careful.

Shut up! Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

With me handling
the record, nothing ev--

Ah-ah-ah.

Look what you did.
Now we're cooked.

No, we ain't. Look.
Here's a lot of records.

You're getting a half
a brain in your skull now, huh?

"Sextet From Lucy."
Can you sing it?

I can't even say it.

Oh, go on. Get set.

Say... [SWALLOWS AWKWARDLY]

do you know "Sextet From Lucy"?

Know it? I wrote it.

Oh. Short eyeballs, eh?

[CLEARS THROAT]

[PIANO PLAYING]

[WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN]

[MAN JOINS IN]

Ah, the "Sextet From Lucia." Hm.

[MAN # JOINS IN]

[ALL SINGING IN ITALIAN]

[ALL SINGING OFF-KEY]

[CURLY BABBLES]

Oh, my goodness. What happened?

The señorita's lost her voice.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk,
tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

What is it, laryngitis?

No. Fallen arches.

[BLOWS]

Say, I wonder
who double-crossed us

with that record.

I don't know who, but
I want to get out of here.

Quiet. You lost your voice.

Where?

Shut up.

[MOUTHS DIALOGUE]

Ah-ah-ah.

Hey, I got a great idea.

We'd better get
out of here. Yeah.

Wait.

Why did you take my record

from the broadcasting station?

I wanted that job,

and you spoiled
my chances of getting it.

The least thing you can do
is to go through with it.

I want to prove something
to my father.

How can we?

My voice-- I mean,
your voice is broken.

No, it isn't. It's as
good as new. Listen.

[SINGS HIGH-PITCHED NOTES]

Oh, my dear, you were wonderful.

You'll sing now, won't you?

Of course she will. Won't you?

Do that number
you did at the station

this afternoon.

Play "Voices of Spring."

[CLEARS THROAT]
This way, señorita.

All set?

[PIANO PLAYING]

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ I hear the voice
Of spring, I do ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ When the birds return
The skies are blue ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh... ♪

Isn't it wonderful?

It certainly is.

Now, if Alice
could sing like that.

♪ Love is like a flower ♪

♪ O-oh o-oh o-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oohhh ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ O-o-o-o-o-oh ♪

♪ Oohh, oohh ♪

♪ Oohhh ♪

♪ The voice of spring
Is in the air ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

[PLAYING OFF-KEY]

[SINGING SAME NOTES]

[PLAYING HIGHER NOTES OFF-KEY]

[SINGING HIGHER NOTES]

[FLUTE PLAYS
HIGHER NOTES OFF-KEY]

[SINGS HIGH NOTES]

[PLAYING HIGH NOTES OFF-KEY]

[SINGING HIGH NOTES]

[ALICE SINGING,
HOLDING HIGH NOTE]

[SINGING HIGH NOTES]

[STOPS SINGING]
[PIANO PLAYS CONCLUSION]

Ha-ha!

Look, peoples!

Just a big fake.

Ladies and gentlemen.

A big fake!
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Please! Please, wait!

It wasn't all their fault.

I helped them.

Why, Alice?

Oh, I wanted to prove

I was good enough
to get a job, Father.

And you are, dear. You're still

going to sing on my program.

Didn't I say
she had a fine voice?

As for these impostors...

[STOOGES CRY OUT]

Whoo-whoo-whoo! [ALL SHOUTING]

[♪]