03x02 - M Is for the Many Things

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together

♪ And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on

♪ Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together

♪ We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song

♪ Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'

♪ Come on, get happy

♪ A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy

♪ We'll make you happy ♪

I suppose you all
know why we're all here.

I don't know why we're all here.

Neither do I.

It's okay. Just
go with the crowd.

Well, Mom's on her way.

You know, I'll have to admit, this
might be one of your better ideas.

Well, personally, I don't see why we
had to form a grievance committee.

I mean, why couldn't we just go to
Mom individually with our complaints?

Like he said, there's
strength in numbers.

What's that? The hot seat.

Kids.

Okay, here she comes.
Everybody, take your places.

Remember, the
key word is "unity."

All right. Here I am.

Okay, Danny.

What's all this talk about
a grievance committee?

Well, it's...

Take it, Keith.

It was all his idea. My idea?

- You were the one...
- Go ahead, Keith.

Well, we were
gonna demand that...

We were gonna ask, maybe...

Take it, Laurie.

Um, I was going to demand...

That is, question your rule about having
to get home from dates at a certain time.

But it's a good rule. I don't
get enough sleep anyway.

Danny, surely you have
something to complain about.

Who, me?

I thought we were
here to rehearse.

Hi, everybody. What's going on?

It looks like a court-martial.

The grievance
committee is copping out.

Grievance committee?

What's wrong with it?
It's the American way.

You mean you
kids are complaining

about the way your
mother handles her job?

We weren't complaining. We
were just offering some helpful hints.

Oh.

Well, maybe it would have
helped if you'd seen this first.

What is it?

The latest issue of
the Women's Journal.

I'm looking at a miracle.

Mom?

You've been named
Mother of the Year.

Mother of the Year.
I can't believe it.

I think it's really terrific.

I don't know what to say.

Well, you better
think of something.

You're gonna have to say it in
front of about presswomen.

I am?

The magazine's
having its awards' dinner

next Saturday
night in Sacramento.

Whole family's invited.

I already bought
the plane tickets.

Now, all kidding aside, you
deserve to be Mother of the Year.

We may not always show it,
but you'd get our vote every time.

Wait a minute.

We didn't get any
campaign promises.

All right. Here's one.

How about a day in the country?

We'll drive to Sacramento.

Sounds great.

Drive?

But I already
bought the tickets.

Well, it will give the Mother of the
Year a chance to spend some time

with her grievance committee.

It's beautiful out here, Mom.

Taking the old highway
was a great idea.

Yeah, this part of the country

is where people really
live the good life. Fantastic.

What do you think,
Danny? I'm hungry.

Okay. There are lots of
places to eat on this old road.

Next stop, lunch.

That's terrific.

The roadwork ends,
and so does the road.

So? We've only wasted an hour.

We still have plenty of time
and plenty of things to see.

I'd like to see a triple
burger with lots of onions

and plenty of French fries.

I think we all could
go for a little lunch.

Good idea.

We'll stop at one of those
quaint little restaurants.

Two egg sal san, k*ll the tomato.
Give me a taco on the side.

Cheer up, Mom.

It may not be quaint,
but it's... It's authentic.

Right now I wouldn't care if
it was the school cafeteria.

I could eat a horse.

Be careful. That
might be their special.

What's the matter,
Mom? My billfold.

You better eat more than that.

I can't find it.

Oh, no.

I must have left it
in my other purse.

Terrific, that means you
don't have any money.

Wait a minute.
Here's some change.

Fourteen cents.

I've got, uh...

Eighteen cents.

One quarter.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Here's our souvenir
baseball money.

Come on, cough it up.

Figures.

What would you
guys do without me?

Do you mind if I
answer that after we eat?

How much is that, Mom?

$. and two
Hank Aaron nickels.

We don't have
anything to worry about.

Just tell her you're
Mother of the Year.

Danny, if ever there was a time

I wouldn't want anyone
to know that, it's now.

Okay, no stew today.

No toast 'cause
the toaster's broken.

Don't take the potatoes.
Take the tomatoes instead.

What's your pleasure?

Hey. Mother of the Year?

Mother of the Year, huh?

Yeah, you know, I seen your picture
on the cover of Women's Journal.

And this must be
your family, right?

Yes. Hi, hi.

I read that article
about five times.

That's right. About
how good you treat 'em.

You know, I think it's just
wonderful the way you're raising 'em.

You're so conscientious
and everything.

Thanks. It's my pleasure.

Well, now, what
would you like to order

for these beautiful, growing,
healthy children, huh?

One plain hamburger, a
cherry soda, and six straws.

That's it?

Mother of the Year, huh?

Okay.

No dessert, huh? Figures.

No thank you.

And, uh, I'm sorry.

All I have left for
a tip is cents.

I'll mail you the rest.

Just a minute here.

Here, take this for a bowl
of hot soup later, huh?

Wait a minute. Take
these for the little ones.

Here. Poor dears.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

She runs next year,
she don't get my vote.

If I hadn't been
dying of hunger,

I would have d*ed
of embarrassment.

I got a great idea.

Let's not stop again
until we get to the hotel.

Agreed.

Kids, I think we're gonna
have to make one more stop.

Hi, there. I'm Deputy Haynie.

Welcome to Crater
City. How do you do?

You mean you stopped us
just to welcome us to town?

Nope. I stopped to give
you a speeding ticket.

Speeding?

But I was going slower
than the speed limit.

Oh, I suppose you didn't
see that "" sign back there?

No, I didn't.

It must have been
hidden by the trees.

Yeah, that's right.

A lot of people I stop
complain about that.

Mom, I think this
is a speed trap.

You can call it what you
want, you still get a ticket.

That's not fair.

Yeah, it doesn't have
to be fair. That's the law.

Are you folks really
the Partridge Family?

I mean, the ones that make
those records and everything?

Yes.

Really? Really.

Boy! Celebrities right
here in Crater City.

Well, I suppose that means you'll
forget about the ticket, then, huh?

No.

You know, this is the first
ticket I ever wrote for a celebrity.

Can I have your autograph?

I'm not going to sign that.

Well, if you don't,

that means I'm gonna have
to take you to see the judge.

Well, you just do that.

Mom, it's getting late.
We have to get going.

It's never too late for justice.

Well, here we are.

Danny, you stay
with Chris and Tracy.

But, Mom, you might
need my legal know-how.

I don't need any legal know-how.

I'm innocent.

Well, y'all just go right on in
and make yourselves at home.

I'll see if I can
find the judge.

Keith, if things
get rough, use it.

Judge. What is it, Haynie?
I'm on my way fishing.

Judge, I got a
speeder out front.

What in tarnation did
you bring him here for?

Just tell him he's fined, get
his money, and let me go fishing.

Judge, these are
show-business folk.

What do you want me to
do, cast their feet in cement?

No, Judge. Show-business
folk make a lot of money.

That means they
can pay bigger fines.

That's why I like you,
Haynie. You think like me.

Mom, why don't we
just pay the fine and go?

Because it's the
principle of the thing

and a good lesson for you
kids. Stick up for your rights.

I still say it would be a lot
easier if you would just tell them

that you're the Mother
of the Year and...

Keith... HAYNIE:
Court is now in session.

This here's Judge McElwreath.

Judge, the Partridge Family.

Mrs. Partridge, this
is indeed a pleasure.

I was in my study going
over Linley v. Fairbanks,

but I gladly take
time out of my day

to see that persons such
as you are treated fairly.

Now, Mrs. Partridge, what
seems to be your problem?

We were given a
ticket by this man.

Who? Deputy Haynie?
Yes, he's a fine officer.

But it was an unfair ticket.
I didn't do anything wrong.

I see here there was a sign

that said the speed limit
was considerably less

than the speed you were driving.

But I didn't see the sign.
It was hidden behind...

Mrs. Partridge,
the law's the law.

That'll be $
fine for speeding,

$ for gas and oil.

Gas and oil? For what?

For the wear and the tear on the
police car that brought y'all here.

That all comes to exactly
$. You can pay the bailiff.

I'm the bailiff.

I will not.

But you have
to. I'm the bailiff.

I mean, I will
not pay that fine.

McELWREATH: I'm afraid
you have no other choice.

It's either that or go to jail.

Then I'll go to jail.

Mom... Wait a minute.

You can't put the
Mother of the Year in jail.

Keith. Mother of the Year?

That's right,
Mother of the Year.

Right here. See that?

Excuse us.

We can't throw the
Mother of the Year in jail.

But, Judge, the Mother
of the Year got a ticket.

Do you realize what'll happen
to me at the next election?

There's not a woman in town
will let her husband vote for me.

Judge... If I go, you go.

Now, Mrs. Partridge, surely
we can work this thing out.

We'll take a check.

I don't have one.

How about an IOU?

Forget it.

I'll take percent off. After
all, you're Mother of the Year.

Never.

Okay, okay, no fine.

Just sign the ticket
and you can go.

I won't sign anything.

That isn't asking
much, just a signature.

I'd rather go to jail.

There. You win. I lose.

Case dismissed. HAYNIE: Judge!

Oh, shut up, Haynie,
and go prune your trees.

Well, all isn't lost.

At least we can still get to
the hotel in time for dinner.

Right.

Wrong.

Oh, no. How could
we run out of gas?

Easy. We're having so
much fun, it slipped our mind.

Well, now what are we gonna do?

We could form a prayer circle.

I guess we ought to stop a car.

Are you kidding? I haven't
seen five cars on this road all day.

Don't worry. I'm sure
there'll be a car along soon.

Hey, Mom, here comes a car!

Hold it! Stop!

Hi, honey. Need a lift?

I sure do.

Well, hop in, baby, and
let the good times roll.

Come on, kids.

Hold onto him. Don't let him go.

Nice going, Mom.

Mom?

Wait!

What happened?

I don't think he was
interested in the family plan.

There's another one.

Wait a minute!

Hey! Wait! Wait!

Here comes another one.

Hold it, please.

We need gas. I don't
have any money.

There are six of
us. Five are children.

Three are very small children.

Please. I'm the
Mother of the Year.

Bye. See ya!

Okay, everybody, into the bus.

Tracy, Chris.

Where in the world
have you been?

Danny found this
great place to play.

Danny? Where is he, anyway?

Help!

Mr. Kincaid, are you sure Mrs.
Partridge knew the dinner was tonight?

I'm sure, Mrs. Malfussi.

They were probably having
so much fun on the drive down,

they just lost
track of the time.

You know how it is
when you're having fun.

No, I don't.

Psst!

Psst! Reuben!

Shirley?

How did you know my first name?

Uh... Just a guess.

Yes. SHIRLEY: Psst.

- Where are you?
- Back here.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Oh!

What happened?

You look like you just
finished basic training.

Reuben, it's a long story,

and you wouldn't
believe it, anyway.

I've already told
them we were here,

so we're gonna go upstairs
to the room and change.

I'll... I'll stall.

Here she is, Shirley Partridge.

Mother of the Year.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Well, I...

I guess you're all wondering
why I look this way.

That's a good question.

It's a... It is a good
question. It's...

It's a question that deserves
an answer, and, uh...

I think Mom's in a spot.

Good thinking.

I... I wish, I...

I wish I could...

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I think it might be a little
easier for me to explain.

You see, we're a
very close family.

That's not to say that we don't
have arguments, 'cause we do.

But we love each
other very much.

And that keeps us together
through thick and thin.

And believe me,
today was through thick.

Um, I'd like you to meet
the rest of my family.

Laurie, Danny, Chris and Tracy.

We just wanted you to know
that, as far as we're concerned,

you couldn't have made a finer
choice for Mother of the Year.

She's a great, great lady.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

we'll go change
and sing for you.

I don't know about
the rest of you,

but I think our Mother
of the Year and her family

look fine just the way they are.

Danny.

What are you doing?

Without further ado,

I would like to present not
only the Mother of the Year,

but the Family of the
Year, the Partridge Family!

♪ When all my dreams
are scattered to the wind

♪ I'll begin again

♪ And you're the reason why

♪ When all my friends
no longer know my name

♪ And say I'm not the same

♪ I know that I'll get by

♪ As long as there's you

♪ At the end of every road

♪ To give me all your love

♪ And a gentle hand to hold

♪ As long as there's you

♪ At the end of every night

♪ To tell me it's all right

♪ And shield me from the cold

♪ I'll be strong
and I'll be tall

♪ There is nothing I can do

♪ I may stumble, I may fall

♪ I won't care if there is you

♪ At the end of it all

♪ I won't care if there is you

♪ At the end of it all

♪ There is nothing I can do

♪ I may stumble, I may fall

♪ I won't care if there is you

♪ At the end of it all

♪ At the end of it all

♪ At the end of it all ♪

Well, go ahead.

I can take criticism.

In fact, I want you to feel free to
make any suggestions you wish.

That is, within
reason, of course.

Well, this isn't a
grievance committee, Mom.

It isn't?

Uh, not exactly.

You see, we're gonna
present you with another award.

Tracy.

"Year Thank you.
Thank you very much.

And I wish to thank all of the little
people who made this possible.

Hi, Reuben. I'd like
to state a complaint.

You've got the floor.

Mmm.

I drove back along your
mother's scenic route.

Did you know there was a
speed trap on that highway?

No kidding. Yeah.
I got hauled in.

By a deputy named Haynie?

And did the judge
have a little fishing hat?

And when they found out you were
the manager of the Partridge Family,

they raised the fine, right?

How'd you know that?

Oh, a wild guess.