09x04 - Matri-Phony

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

[CROWD SHOUTING]

Hey, fellows, look.

Dollar day.

This will put a pot
in every palace!

I'll put a pot
on top of your head.

What are you disturbing us for?
We're busy.

Sh.

[GIGGLES]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS]

[MOANS]

[COUGHS] Go on.

Mm. Oh.

[GRUNTS]

[PLAYS SOFT, SLOW MUSIC]

[GROANS]

[CHATTERING]

[SCREAMS]

A rare bouquet.

The only one in the box? Yes.

Well. Not bad.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh.

Ow. Oh, oh, oh.

My-- Ow! My ear.

Ow.

Hey! What's all the fuss?

My ear. My ear.

[WHINES]

Oh. Hold it.

[BLOWING] MOE: More pressure.

Ooh.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Wait a minute.
I didn't do it. He's the one.

[GRUNTS]

[POUNDING]

A customer.

Oh.

[WHINES]

Oh! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

What's going on out here?

Somebody is defacing
our character.

Oh, yeah?
Get over there, turnip-head.

I'll fix this.

[GROANS]

Hold that.
Some of these guys are--

[GROANS]

Have it back in a jiffy.
It was a little uneven.

[LAUGHS]

We used to be bill pasters
for Barnum and Bailey.

Nyuck, nyuck.

Mm.

Pretty good.

[LAUGHS]

[WHINES]

Okay.

[LAUGHS]

There we are. Good as new.

Ah, a redhead.

Hey. Hey.

Octopus is
on the "Grabus" again.

Yeah. Come on.
We got plenty of work to do.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, gentlemen.

Please hide me.
That guard's trying

to drag me off to the palace.

This way.

Hey, here. Here.

You'll be as safe in here
as an olive in a bottle.

Yeah. Squatie-boo, baby.

And don't come out until I give
a couple of raps like this.

Okay, down.

Oh, a customer.
Be right with you, buddy.

Say, I think we got just
what you're lookin' for.

That's just
what I've been thinkin'.

Uh, can I interest you
in a new mug?

What's that?

Oh, nothing personal. Pardon me.
Come on. Sit down.

[GIGGLES]

I've got something to show you.
You stick around.

[SQUISH]

There you are.
There's a pretty thing.

A th-century--

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Unbreakable.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

No. If I were you, I wouldn't
buy anything in this shop.

What are you tryin' to do,
ruin my sale?

Ix-nay. The oad-bray
in the ase-vay.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, he's got stones in his head.

Now, I got-- Oh.

Now, here's somethin' cute,

a finger bowl.

If you take-- MOE: No. No.

LARRY: That was taken
by a young lady today.

I didn't want
to buy anything anyway.

Oh, a window-shopper.

[BARKS, CHATTERING]

Hey, what's behind those drapes?

The back of the drapes.

MAN: Oh, yeah? Yeah.

MAN: I'll see for myself.

[RIPPING] [GROANS]

Hey!

Hey, get that off of there!

Now, take it easy. Get it off.

Easy, now. Easy. Get it off.

Get it off.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

Easy.

Girl hoarders, eh?
You're under arrest.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Your glasses, sire.

WOMAN: No. I don't want
to go to the emperor. No.

MAN: Come on.
WOMAN: No. Let me go.

Come on.

[CHATTER]

Okay, now--

No! Please, let me go.

Here, sire, is
the fairest redhead of them all.

No. Please, no.

Let me go.

MAN: Get in here.

WOMAN:
No, I don't want to be empress.

Please, no. Please, no.

No.

[SCREAMS]

WOMAN: Please, no.

WOMAN: Let me go! Oh, oh, oh.

Please, don't--

[SCREAMS] Stop her.

WOMAN: No, let me go.

She almost got away, didn't she?

Oh, you would, huh?

A spirited wench, eh?

[BOTH GROANING]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

[SCREAMING]

I'm a citizen, ain't I?

[CHATTERING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

He's got that spear
halfway through me.

Talk to that chestnut sticker.
Listen, buddy--

Give him a few syllables.
Tell that guy.

Keep your shirt on.

Now, listen, pal. He--

What guy? The guy that's--

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

I could've been free.

[CURLY SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

You want to get me in trouble?
Easy, buddy, easy.

Uh, now we're getting someplace.
This is my next queen.

Dress her in royal raiment.

Go! Yes, sire.

No, please. I don't-- Come on.

Ouch.

[ALL MOANING]

Who are those mongrels?

Sire, they were arrested trying
to hide that girl.

Down on your knees, dogs.

[BARKS] Down.

Quiet, bloodhound.

To the lions with them.

After them, you idiots.
Capture those men.

Well, hurry!

Ow. Ow.

Sh.

Did you see them?

Do you think they got away?

MAN: Oh.

What are we going to do?

I wouldn't hurt those guys.
They're three nice fellows.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, so you think
they're three nice guys?

Yeah. They always pay
their income tax on time.

CURLY: They don't
owe a cent in the world.

Oh, they don't, huh?

CURLY: No.

[GRUNTS]

How long have you
known these fellows?

Well, I'll tell you, I--

[GROANS]

Sh.

I'll get this guy.

[SOBBING]

I don't want to be empress.

[SCREAMS] [MOE SCREAMS]

Quiet, toots.

Listen, we're your friends.
We've come here to get you out.

But how? We're trapped in here,

the emperor will be here
any minute.

All right. Listen to this.

Oh. Food.

Vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F--

Gee, I like food.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Oh.

A tarantula.

[LAUGHS]

[CRUNCHING]

Hm.

Oh.

Ah.

[GRUNTS]

[MOANS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[YELLS]

[COUGHS]

[MOANS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[GROANING]

[YELLING]

[GROANS]

Now I'll redden your cheeks.

[GROANS]

Now, do as you're told.

[MOANS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

MAN: Yoo-hoo.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Yes?

Diana, this is your own
little Octopus come

to take you in his arms.

If you think
I'm gonna let that guy

snuggle up to me, you're crazy.

How long is this gonna keep up?

You just keep stallin'
until Diana makes her escape.

Soon as he gets in
he'll recognize me.

Don't you worry.
I'll take care of that.

Every time you take care
of that, I get it.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Just a minute, Occy.

Make it a short minute,
my little kelp fish.

Kelp fish.

Go on. Get sexy.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, emperor, we're sorry.

We're sorry. It was an accident.

And your glasses,
they're broken.

[SIGHS]

Even without my glasses,

you're ravishing.

[BARKS QUIETLY]

I bet you tell that
to all the boys-- I mean girls.

How about a kiss,
my little sardine?

No, no. I'm no sardine,
and there'll be no kiss.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, please.
You'll spoil my makeup.

[GIGGLES]

At least we can toast
your beauty

with sparkling wine.

Here's to you,
my little halibut.

[LAUGHS]

Uh-oh. I forgot
to have it tasted.

Here. Taste this.

MOE AND LARRY: For me?

Thanks, pal. He said taste it.

He didn't invite you to lunch.
I have to be very careful.

My last three tasters
were poisoned.

[CURLY LAUGHS]
Did you hear that?

It's a royal mickey.

[MAN SNORING]

Okay, Occy, real vintage.

Fine.

After you, my love.

After all, ladies first.

Oh, no.

Emperors always first.

To our undying love.

He means dying love.

Oh.

Oh.

[CHUCKLES] [LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS]

A girl with spirit.

That's why I love redheads.

[GROANS]

[OCTOPUS LAUGHS]

Leave here. We want to be alone.

Now, wait a minute, empy,

you can't be here alone
with him--

I mean her.

This is my wife.
I just married her.

Oh, well, that's all right.

[LAUGHS]

Married? That's impossible.

[LOCK CLICKS]

[LAUGHS] [LAUGHS]

[YELPING]

[GROANS]

How's he doin'?

Curly's leadin' by a length.

We gotta get him out of here.

Oh, my goodness.
Give me a hairpin.

Never mind, I'll use my sword.

As you were.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, no, you don't.

[LAUGHS]

[OCTOPUS LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[WHINES]

[SCREAMS] [GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

[CURLY LAUGHS]

[GROANS]

Soldiers!

Whoa.

Hey, buddy, let me off of here.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, come on.
Turn us loose, buddy.

Hey, stop it.

Come on.

[♪]