04x04 - Back to the Woods

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Guilty.

Take the prisoner away.

Next case.

Your Lordship,
a grave situation.

The three ruffians about
to appear before the court

are in a fit way
to wreck our empire.

What sayest ye?

Aye, Your Lordship, only this
morn these brigands att*cked

His Majesty's guard

and did them battle

on the very threshold
of the palace.

Bring forth yon varlets.

[BALLS CHIMING]

Time signal.

Fifteen seconds before a.m.

baloney watch time.

Shuteth up.

Order. Order.

Order.

I'll take a ham sandwich.

Hold thy tongue.

Not tongue, ham.

Continue, counsellor.

Your Lordship, these rogues do
lay claim to be kin

to the Three Musketeers.

One for all. All for one.

Every man for himself.

[BANGS GAVEL]
Silence, ye knaves.

Ye are accused of doing battle
with His Majesty's guard.

What say ye to the charge?

I can explain, judge.

You seeth, it was like thiseth.

[GAVEL BANGS] JUDGE: Guilty.

I sentence ye to Newgate Prison
for years,

ye to ,

ye to .

Forty? Forty-five?

Fifty?

I got .

Fifty, , , , .

Do I hear ? Do I hear ?

Going once, twice.

Do I hear ?

Who will make it ?

I shall.

Thank you--

Whoo!

Fifty-five years
for the lot of ye

at hard labor.

But Your Lordship, it'll cost
the crown a pretty penny

to feed yon wastrels
for years.

Why not send them to our
colonies in America

to fight the redskin savage?

Hm, I just love
corn beef and savage.

JUDGE: Silence.

I now sentence ye knaves
to defend our colonists

from the savages.

Gadzooks, they'll scalp
us alive.

Not me.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

A pleasant journey, gentlemen.

The same, sire, to thee.

Ow!

Ah-- Ah-- Ah-- Ah--

Ooh-- Ah-- Ah-- Ah--

Yeah.

[ALL CHANTING]

Take them away.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

The good ship Pimpernel
did anchor last eve.

So soon? Aye.

Only one year in crossing.

Well, well.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Ooh!

Oh, uh, we've come
to see the governor.

Be thou the governor's
daughters?

Aye, sir. I be Faith,

and this is Hope,

and this is Charity.

[GIGGLES]

ALL: Ooh!

[GIGGLING]

I wouldst a word with thee,
my little charming wallflower.

What dost thou?

I saw her first.

Fish posh and tish tosh.

I'll never give up Hope.

Why dost thou not take Charity?

I need not Charity.

I'm on the WPA.

WPA?

Aye.
Willing Pilgrims Association.

Hm!

All my life I hath been looking
for a maid like thee, toots.

Aw, give us a break, kid.

I'm a stranger in town
and knoweth not a soul.

[SNIFFS, CLEARS THROAT]

By the by, see what I have
brought thee.

[MUSIC BOX PLAYING]

Wouldst?

[MUSIC PLAYING FASTER]

[MUSIC SLOWS]

[MUSIC PLAYING FASTER]

[GRUNTS]

[WHINES]

Hm!

[MUSIC HEIGHTENS]

[MUSIC BOX CHIMES RAGTIME MUSIC]

Hm!

Fie. Fie.

What means this frivolity?

[MUSIC CONTINUOUS]

Quiet! [MUSIC STOPS]

For shame that ye dance

while the colony is in dire
need of food.

Who be thou and what do ye here?

We be sent by His Majesty
to defend the colony.

Our credentials, sire.

Hm, Boston Downs.

Weather clear, track fast,
first race, Whopper, two to one.

They're off.

Who's in the quarter? Whopper.

Who's in the half? Whopper.

Who's in the stretch? Whopper.

Who's the winner?

Rosemont.

Who's the winner? Rosemont.

Ow!

The wrong credentials, sire.

I am so sorry.

I pray thee governor
come at once.

The Indians have arrived
to sue for peace.

Wouldst thou go to the meeting?

Oh, wouldst.

Come.

Shoulder arms.

About face.

Ooh.

Forward march.

Peace.

No more w*r.

[GRUNTS]

No more w*r.

Give shekels.

But we have no more than this.

[JINGLES]

Hm.

Good down payment.

Take mortgage on balance.
Interest percent.

Thank goodness, at last
we are free to hunt.

No. No hunt till F.O.B.

F.O.B.?

Mm. Fork over balance.

Indian givers.

But chief, if we cannot hunt,
the colonists will starve.

[SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

But listen, chief.
Wait, we pray thee.

ALL: We shall perish of hunger.

Oh, woe is us. Oh, woe is us.

'Tis a chance to redeem
ourselves, lads.

We shall hunt anyway,
and feed the colonists.

Thou hast said a mouthful.

I shall bringeth a moose.

And I shall bringeth an elk.

I'll bring
a couple of odd fellows.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[BARKS]

To the hunt.

ALL: To the hunt.

♪ Rat-a-tat-tat Tat-a-tat-tat ♪

♪ A hunting we must goeth ♪

♪ Whoo-whoo-whoo
Whoo-whoo-whoo ♪

♪ A hunting we shall goeth ♪

Right face.

Oh! Ow!

Left about face.

Ooh! Ow.

Forward march.

♪ Whoo-whoo-whoo
Whoo-whoo-whoo ♪

♪ A hunting we will go ♪
Hallelujah.

♪ A hunting we will go ♪
Yeah, man.

MOE: ♪ A hunting we will go ♪
LARRY: Yeah, man.

'Tis best we disguise, lads.

[MOE READING]

Huh.

No camping, no sh**ting,
no smoking.

And they call this
the land of liberty.

Wait. Heed them not.

They are only Indian signs.

Verily I am disgusted.

Not a turkey in sight.

Oh, my toe--

Give me the bird.

Nay, 'tis mine. Wait.

Give him the bird.

How I shall gobble this gobbler.

Mm-hm.

[TURKEYS GOBBLING]

Look, turkeys.

Shh. Quick, load thy g*ns.

What do we do now?

Fire at will.

Which one is Will?

Ready,

aim, fire.

[INDIANS BELLOW w*r WHOOPS]
Indians.

[ALL SCREAM]

[WHOOPING]

CURLY: Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

Why don't ye look
where ye swisheth.

Hold that.

[BARKS]

Look.

We're trapped like rats.

You getting personal?

What'll we do?

amm*nit*on, men.

Man the g*ns.

MOE: Fire!

A bull's-eye.

More amm*nit*on.

Hm!

MOE: Fire.

[GROANS]

[LAUGHING]

See what I found
by the water's edge.

Ah, good.

Fire.

[CACKLES]

I found this pineapple
on yonder tree.

Pineapple?

Whoo-ho!

'Tis a hornet's nest.

Fire.

[BUZZING]

MOE: Ho! Ho!

Fire.

We'd best take the ozone
before they revive.

[GRUNTS]

[ALL SCREAM]

CURLY: Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

[ALL WHOOPING]

[CRIES OUT]

[BARKS] [YELLS]

[INDIANS WHOOPING]

[ALL WHOOPING]

Ah-- Ah-- Ah--

[ALL SHOUTING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.

[ALL GRUNT AND SPEAK
IN FOREIGN DIALECT]

Ah!

Poor Larry. The Indians
must have him by now.

We must save him,
lest they chop off his head,

or burn him at the stake.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Gadzooks, what now?

Keep a stiff upper chin.

We'll surround them.

Present arms.

Left face.

Uh...

[LAUGHS]

[ALL YELP]

[PANTS]

[SCREAMS]

CURLY: Moe, I got one.

Moe, I got one.

I'll get you another. Wait.

Okay.

[INDIANT CHANTING]

[SCREAMS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck,
nyuck, nyuck.

[PANTS]

[GROWLS]

CURLY: I got another one, Moe.

Swing it, Moe.

Ah!

[GRUNTS]

[HOLLERS]

Hm!

[SCREAMS]

Oh!

[GROWLS]

Wait, numbskull. 'Tis me.

'Tis sorry I am, friend.

I did not recognize thee.

Quite so. Quite so.

Make haste, lest we be too late
to save our comrade.

[ALL CHANTING]

Ooh. Ow!

Moe. Curly.

What's happening?

[BOTH WHOOP]

CURLY:
Hey, Moe. Hey, I got them all.

Hey, Moe.

Hey, Moe. Hey, Moe.

Hey, Moe. Say a few syllables.

Hey, Moe. Wait a minute.

Why dost thou not lookest
where thy smacketh?

Ow!

Quick, he's fainted.
Bringeth water.

I'll be back before
thou can say Ticonderoga,

if they can say Ticonderoga.

[BARKS]

Come on, kid.

Will you get up?
We're in trouble. Come on.

You ungrateful...

[SPUTTERS]

What's wrong with thee,
thou quince head?

[INDIANS MURMUR]

[ALL SCREAM]

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Get over there with a club.
You help me.

Ooh!

Oh-- Ah-- Oh!

[GRUNTS, GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

On with the disguise.

To the lake.

Maketh haste, quince head.

[♪]