04x01 - Grips, Grunts and Groans (1937)

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

[HORSE WHINNIES]

LARRY: Three spades.

MOE: Five hearts.

CURLY: I double.

MOE: I re-double.

CURLY: I triple.

MOE: You can't triple.

CURLY: Yes, I can.

Who's in there?

CURLY: Nobody, just us horses.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

Would you horses mind
getting out?

Why certainly, pal.

I'll call the other horses.

Hey, Moe. Hey, Larry.

What's the matter?

CURLY:
Quick, Moe, tickle the mule.

LARRY: Kick, Jenny, kick.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

Whoa, ho.

Take it easy, boys. Whoa.

Why, you--

Ooh.

CURLY:
Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo-whoo.

[SCREAMS]

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, what are you guys--?

You big brute, you.

Oh, you poor darling.

Are you all right?

[MUTTERING ANGRILY]

Phew, that was a close shave.

Now what'll we do?

Ya lunkhead, if you hadn't
opened that freight car door,

we'd have been sitting pretty.

What are you mugs doing here?

We kind of got
crossed up with the--

What do ya want?

LARRY & MOE:
He's looking for work.

Oh, no.

Okay, we need sparring partners.

Fight a few rounds
with Kid Pinkie,

and I'll give ya bucks.

Come on boys, back to work.

Ha, ha. Five bucks.

Hiya, boss.

One round and we eat. Oh, boy!

I'm no fighter. I won't do it.

Put up your hands.

Oh! Oh.

Ouch. Ooh.

[YELPS]

[YELLS]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

If I'm gonna get beat up,
I wanna get paid for it.

Okay.

Hey.

[LAUGHING]

Say, you guys is a riot.

Hmmm.

[LAUGHING]

That's very funny.

Hey Bustoff, will you go
and get your workout.

You're wrestling
for the championship tonight.

Sure, sure.

[LAUGHING]

Say, you know, I like you guys.

Get undressed.

Kid Pinkie's waiting.

Okay, come on.

Oh!

[GRUNTING ANGRILY]

Where are those guys?

Come on, you guys.

Come on, Butch.

Who am I gonna fight?

There he is, over there.

[CHUCKLES]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

He'll be duck soup.

I won't need this. Hold that.

Give him the untied shoe gag.

Yeah, when he bends over: Ungh!

Don't worry, don't worry.
Feel that.

Yeah, swell. Go ahead.

Come on, show him. Come here.

They're off.

Your shoe's untied.

[WHIMPERING]

[LAUGHS]

The joke's on you,
it isn't untied.

Come on, kid, surround him.

Do your stuff, now,
come on. Be careful.

He can't hurt a baby, come on.

Nyuck, nyu-- Ooh!

[GUFFAWING]

Man the lifeboats.

Women and children first.

What's the matter with you?

Say, what's the idea?

Now, now, don't get sore, boys.

I like youse guys.

Get dressed and we'll go out
and drink and eat,

and see a lot of pretty girls.

Can we have turkey?

Sure. Oh!

Turkey and anything you want.

[CHUCKLES]

Will you gentlemen have dessert?

STOOGES: Yeah, another turkey.

Did you cover those bets?

You bet I did.

Well, ahem,
here's mud in your eye.

There they are,
and Bustoff's drinkin'.

What's the idea?

Why, you, I ought
to break your nose.

I ought to take you--

Look out.

I'll show ya.

You throw my drinks away,
will ya?

[LAUGHING] I'll fix you.

Listen, you, I got my shirt
bet on Bustoff

to win a wrestling match
tonight,

and you mugs got him out
getting him stewed.

Yeah, but he's paying for it.

Shut up. Ooh.

Shut up yourself, and listen.

You're gonna stop
Bustoff drinkin',

you're gonna get him
to the stadium tonight,

sober and ready to wrestle.

Yeah, what if he won't come?

Kid him into it,
he likes you mugs.

And if you make good,
I'll give you a hundred bucks.

STOOGES: A hundred bucks?

Yeah, and if ya don't,
ya get a hundred slugs.

Don't worry boss,
we'll have him there.

Leave it to me, I'll handle him.

Come on.

Listen, Bustoff,

you can't drink that,
that's alcohol.

No, that's not alcohol,

that's just a little tequila,
vodka and cognac.

Oh, that's different, go ahead.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, here's a go.

Ah.

You fixed everything.

You like it? Yeah.

Oh!

[SNIFFING]

[PANTING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo.

Hey, Moe, Wild Hyacinth.

Cork it up lady,

the smell of Wild Hyacinth
perfume drives him wild.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Take it easy, kid, take it easy.

Quick, Larry, tickle his foot,

it's the only way
we can quiet him.

Whoo-hoo!

Take it easy.

Whoopee, that's very funny.

[LAUGHING]

Moe, Larry, tickle my foot.

His foot.

Moe, Larry, tickle my foot.

Get it off.

Whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo,
whoo-whoo, whoo.

Not that foot, the other one.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[YELPING]

Oh, oh.

[GIGGLING]

Whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo, whoo.

[LAUGHING]

There.

Now let's get Bustoff
and get outta here.

Oh. Come on.

Hey, bartender, give us a drink.

Look at Bustoff. He's out cold.

Hey, Bustoff. Hey, Bustoff.

[SLURRING] Hey, give me a drink.

Pick him up, take him
over to the stadium.

We've gotta get him in shape.
Hurry up.

Hey, take Bustoff too.

LARRY: Oh, all right.

Now, you fellows go on
and get out of here.

LARRY: All right,
mind your business.

And stay out.

We better bring him to,

or it'll be
just too bad, fellows.

Keep working on him.
I've got an idea.

Rub this ice on his chest.

Oof!

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Ooh!

Speak to us, Bustie.

Bustoff's a cinch.
I tell you, he can't lose.

But suppose...

BOSS: There's no suppose.

Who's that? Go see.

BOSS: Hurry up and
place that bet, Frank.

Quick, fellas, it's the boss.

MOE: Come here.

And so the big chief
went riding through the woods,

and he met two little Indians.

STOOGES: Woo-woo!

Quiet.

What's the matter?

How's Bustoff?

Shh. He's sleeping
like a little lamb.

That's great, that's great.
He's on after this bout.

Hey, boss, I've got a chance
to double your bet on Bustoff.

What do ya think?

Take it. He's in swell shape.

Look, sleeping
like a little baby.

Say, about the odds on that...

Did you hear that?

They're gonna double that bet,

and this guy's
as cold as a mackerel.

We gotta do something.
They'll m*rder us. Come on.

What do you think?

Wait a minute,
let me concentrate.

I want a drink.

Oh, we're in trouble,
and you want a drink.

I didn't say nothing. Hic.

It's Bustie.

Come here.

Watch him. Careful.

Take it easy. Sit down.

Get out of the way.

He's snapping out of it.

Get the liniment,
and give him a rubdown.

I'll get the dough.

Oh, Bustoff,
you're a sweetheart.

I'll be right back.
[SLURRED LAUGHTER]

I want a drink.

You'll get a drink.
Get that liniment.

Hey, you guys,

give me something
that'll straighten me out.

[GROANS]

I can't find the liniment.

Look what you've done.

What happened?

You knocked him cold
with those dumbbells.

Bustoff, speak to me,
speak to me.

Say a few syllables.

"Say a few syllables"?

I'll teach you a few syllab--

Oh, no, you don't.

Who did that?

Never mind. We gotta get
this locker right up, quick.

Easy. Oh.

Best bet we ever made, boss.

Well, boss, we got him here,
and in swell shape too.

How about our bucks?

I bet it for ya on Bustoff.

To win?

Certainly. But-- But--

What are you squawking about?

You'll at least
double your money.

Then you'll get bucks.

Double? Two-- Two hundred bucks?

Sure.

Oh, boy! Boy!

[CHUCKLING]

We're in the dough.

What happened? What happened?
Nothing.

Only this pudding head dumped
some dumbbells on his head.

Dumbbells?

When the dumbbells fell off,
the locker fell on him.

You hit him with the locker too?

I didn't do it, the locker did.

The lo--? Oh!

Hm!

He's out like a light.
Now we are in a spot.

We'd better get outta here,
or they'll k*ll us, come on.

CURLY: Hey, fellas, come on.

It's locked. Come on.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Come on, come on.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Hey, come on, fellas.

Ouch.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Hey, what are ya doing?

I'm running away.

Ooh! Oh.

Ow!

The window.

[CLANK]

Oh, my head.

Spread out.

We're trapped.

Toys of fate. It's kismet.

Now our goose is cooked.

I got it.

You look like Bustoff.
You wrestle in his place.

What, me wrestle Ironhead?

I don't know how to wrestle.
He'll k*ll me.

So, what?

Tony will k*ll us all.

It's better for one to die
than three,

so we decided on you.

A victim of circumstance,
but I'll do it.

It's a good thing
I knew something

about makeup when I was a kid.

He makes a sweet Bustoff,
don't he?

Open the door,
Bustoff's on next.

Okay, boss, we'll be ready
in a minute.

Ooh.

They're out there.

Come on, we gotta get in.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

FRANK: Will you open this door?

Come on.

Oh, you had me worried
for a minute, kid.

Come on, we got the works
bet on you.

You gotta win tonight.

[CHEERING]

[BOOING]

Nyah.

[BOOING]

Oof.

You--

Damn it.

What's the matter,
you wanna embarrass us?

Come on.

[SNORING]

Sit down. Ow.

Get up out of there,
and get busy, here.

What's the matter kid,
you nervous?

No, I'm scared.

Yeah?

Ya ready?

No. Go.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

How am I doin'?

[LAUGHS]

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

[CRASH]

Come on, come on, boys.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Get out of the way.

[MUMBLES]

[CURLY YELLS]

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

Here. Ow!

Watch it, now.

Get up.

What happened? What happened?
Where am I?

He threw you out of the ring,
pudding head.

Come on, get up.

That ain't Bustoff.

Come on.

Get up there.

Get in there.

[GROANS]

You've got him.
Pin him down, pin him down.

But I ain't got no pins.

Oh, he ain't got a pin.

Get him one.

Come on, you too?

Oh. Hm.

I wanna borrow your pin, toots.

Pin his shoulders down.

His shoulders, pudding head.

Oh, his shoulders.

Sure, sure.

Ouch!

Ooh.

Ouch.

Ouch. Nyuck, nyuck, nycuk.

Ooh, ooh.

Ouch.

Oh, oh. Come on, k*ll him.

[CRACKING]

[PANTING]

Come on, give it to him.
What are ya, a sissy?

Ow, ow.

Well, how do you like that?

Give me my--

You can't do that to me.

Give me--

What--?

Well--

[CRACKS]

[CURLY YELLING]

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Oh, I like that.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

What's the matter with him?
How do you like--?

Hiya, boss.

What did you do with Bustoff?

Now, listen, boss, we--

Shut up ya double-crosser,
and get this,

that fathead of yours
is wrestling for my dough,

and if he loses this bout...

Now, listen boss,
he'll win it, sure as life.

He's just warming up.

Look, see?

CURLY: Hey, you're
making me dizzy. Let go.

Warming up.

[SNIFFING]

LARRY: Wild Hyacinth!

Oh, boy, let me take that.

If this don't win
the wrestling match,

I'll eat the ring.

Take it easy.

Come on, kid.

[SNIFFING]

[BARKING]

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Arf.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Arf, arf, arf

One, two--

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo. Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Take it easy, kid.

Tickle his feet,
tickle his feet.

Ooh.

Easy, now kid, easy.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Hey, let go of that.
Let go of that.

What are you talking about?

It's your fault! Hold him still.

What do you wanna do?

Quick, for the love of pete,
send the riot squad right away.

[BIRDS TWITTERING]

[♪]