03x07 - Whoops, I'm an Indian!

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

MOE: Feast your eyes
upon the most dazzling

and majestic array
in the game of chance.

Okay, folks, step right up.

We pay to one. Twenty to one.

Thirty. Forty.

What's the matter with you?

What's the difference?
They can't win anyway.

[STOMPS] Ooh, ooh.

MAN : Number one.
MAN : Number three.

MAN : Number two.
MOE: Come on, folks.

He who hesitates is lost.
Make your bets.

MAN : Double on the two.
MOE: Are we ready, folks?

Are we ready?

We are ready, folks. Here we go.

Watch it, folks.

There we go.
Keep your eye on the ball.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Too bad, folks.
The bank wins again.

I think this game, she is crook.

I smell the skunk.

Take off your hat.
You're getting conspickorous.

I'm frozen to the bone.

Well, put on your hat.
Oh, thanks.

All right now, folks.

Maybe the next time
is your time.

Ah.

We've been hornswoggled
with a magnet.

Ah, I fix these cheat-
[ALL GASP]

Come on. [g*nsh*t]

[WOMEN SHRIEK]

[g*nshots]

Whoo. [WHOOPS]

Say, what's going on here?

It's those crooks rob us
with the horseshoe magnet.

We gonna string 'em up.

Keep your shirt on, Pierre.

I'm the law in Lobo City.

I run them vermin down
and bring 'em to justice.

Somebody stole my g*n.

Aw. [LAUGHING]

There's a chance to
win a reward, boys.

They're in this wood somewhere.

MAN: That's right.

SHERIFF:
Try and bring 'em back alive.

Where's Larry?
He's taking a detour.

He's gonna meet us
up here later.

There he is.

What'd you do with the money?

I threw it away
so I could run faster.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. [YELLS]

Ow.

[ALL GROANING]

[WHOOPS]

Hey, look, I'm caught.

Ah, help me,
help me. I'm caught.

Hold still, Daniel Boone.

Yeah, yeah.

[BOING] Oh. Oh.

Where'd you get
all this stuff? Steal it?

What do you think I am,
a crook? I just took it.

Pretty good, ain't I?

No, you forgot to get a tent.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey, where you been?

Well, down-- Never mind.

Now, you go and get a moose
and a few meeces.

I'll run down an elk.

I'll try and find
a Knights of Columbus.

Yeah--

Take that.

You get a fire started,

and we'll have a mess
of something in no time.

Oh, deer.

I didn't think you cared.

I don't.

Oh. Oh.

Come on. Oh, please.

Ah.

[LINE WHIZZING]

[CLICKING]

What are you doing out of bed?

Go back and get
your big brother.

[SPLASH]

[LINE WHIZZING]

[CLICKING]

So you're the big brother, huh?

Go fetch your old man.

[LINE WHIZZING] [SPLASH]

Oh.

[ROD WHOOSHES]

[GRUNTS]

Ahh!

[WHINES]

Ahh! Ooh.

Oh.

Ow! Oh-- Oh.

[GRUNTS]

Hey. You got a piece
of chewing tobacco?

What do you want tobacco for?

I want to feed it to the fish.

When they come up to spit,

I'll hit 'em on
the head with my club.

Can you spit? Certainly.

[SPITS]

Oh!

You broke my club.

[HUMMING ANGRILY]

[MUTTERING]

[SPLASH]

[WHINES]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[MUFFLED EXPLOSIONS]

[HUMMING HAPPILY]

Look at this speckled herring.

Speckled herring? That's trout.

Get a fire started,
we'll cook 'em.

I ain't got no paper.

Go get some.

Oh, you're always
sending me-- Go--

[ROD WHIRRING]

[MUTTERING]

What's the matter with you?
Three of us gotta eat off you.

Now, go on back and get a fish.

[SPLASH]

[WHIRRING]

Well, boy, how's things?

Hey, look what I caught.

Ah, confetti.

Ooh. An eel.

Yeah.

Clean 'em, stuff 'em,

roll 'em in cornmeal
and fry 'em in butter.

Yeah, but what
will I do with 'em? I--

Went in the lake.

[WHOOPING] Crack your head open.

Oh.

Whoo.

[BOTH GASP]

[SQUEALING]

[WHIMPERS]

[WHOOPING]

What's the matter? [SQUEALING]

The sheriff.

[SCREAMS]

[WOMEN SCREAMING]
[CURLY WHOOPING]

Oh. Get away.

Come on. Hurry up.

Fifi.

Oh, Fifi.

Oh.

Indians steal my Fifi.

Oh, I k*ll all Indians.

Hah!

Oh.

What are you looking for?

The doorbell.

Maybe a knock would be better.

Maybe it would.

Here. Oh.

♪ La, la-la-la-la ♪

[HUMS]

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

[KNOCKING]

Who is it?

It's three guys w--

Open that door.

What's the idea of
throwing doors at people?

If this was my place,
I'd throw you out of it.

Lahh. What did you say?

Nothing.

What's that for?

That's for what
you were thinking.

CURLY: I ain't thinking.
MOE: You'd better start,

because we gotta
get out of this mess.

Don't you-- Hey,
here comes the sheriff.

[WHIMPERING]

What's the matter with you?

Out of my way.

Hey. Get into that.

We got to get disguised
in a hurry.

I ain't gonna wear this.

This is last year's model.

Maybe you'd like to
have an ermine wrap?

You mean it? Certainly.

[GRUNTING]

That's the wrap.

Now, you go out and
get your own ermine.

Come on. Get into some
clothes here somebody.

Got it. Hey, there's
only one leg in this.

Only one leg. Yeah.

Well, put the other one in it.

Come on. Oh.

Hey. What?

Get this scalp on. Hurry up.

Wait a minute.
Hey, where are you?

I'm lost in the woods.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Listen. W-wh--?

Come on. Oh.

Listen. Listen--

Get some chicken feathers.

LARRY: Okay, I've got 'em
on. What do you think these are?

Birds?

If we ever get out of
this mess alive,

it'll be your fault,
won't it? Hah.

I'm talking to you.
Well, now-- What?

Come on, come on.
Well, get a move on.

Look. Three sets of footprints.

Maybe they're in the cabin.

Uh.

How.

How. How.

And how.

You see three paleface

around here?

Me no farshtay.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[ALL GRUNT
"SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]

Ah, these Indians are
either drunk or crazy.

Come on, we'll look
around the outside.

Boy, did we fool them. And how.

You get a frying pan ready.
I'll get the grub.

Go ahead.

Ah. Get out of here, useless.

Oh. Indians.

How. How.

How we doing?

Oh, for Indians to steal
my wife is pretty bad.

But when Indians take
my bacon and my beans,

I take Indian's scalp.

[CURLY WHIMPERING]
LARRY: Whoa. Whoa.

[MOANING]

Give.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

ALL: Whoa.

[ALL HOOTING, GIBBERISH NOISES]

We got just enough time to get
back to Lobo City before dark.

If we go back there, the sheriff

will throw us in the hoosegow.

We fooled 'em once
in these Indian outfits,

and we can do it again.

Right. Look.

Ah. No riders.

Ah. Come on. We can
get one of our own.

Sure.

MOE: Careful. Be careful.

LARRY: Give me a hand.

CURLY: Hold it, I can't get on.

[BAND PLAYING LIVELY
DANCE MUSIC]

Whiskey.

[MAN LAUGHS]

Ah.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

WOMAN: Thank you.

Ah.

I k*ll all Indians.

How. How.

How. How.

How. How.

How. How.

How. How.

How. How.

How.

Ah. Indians. Now I k*ll.

[g*nshots] [WHIMPERS]

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Hah. But before you die, dance.

Psst.

Oh. [GRUNTS]

Now I k*ll you.

Fancy meeting you here.

[WHOOPING]

Ah. The nice fat Indian mama.

[GIGGLES]

[GRUNTS]

You like Pierre?

[NYUCKS]

You like cook my beans?

He-yeah.

You keep my wigwam? [GASPS]

You keep your own wigwam.

What? You no like manly Pierre?

[WHIMPERING]

I belong to Big Chief
Rain in the Puss.

He public enemy number one.

Him k*ll you.

Ha... [LAUGHS]

Not me. He, uh--

She means, uh, Big Chief
Afaulty Gribeness.

All right, buddy.
Lay off us, you can have her.

I wanna tell her goodbye.

I ain't going no place.

Now, you keep on kidding 'em,
or the sheriff will get us.

I will not. Do what I tell you.

[CRUNCH] Ooh. All right.

But hurry up before
something happens.

Keep a stiff upper lip.

[GASPS] Ah.

Hey, Mr. Just of the Peaces.

Laughing Eyebrows and me

want to get for
married right away.

Oh.

Well, I pronounce you
man and wife.

You're hitched. Five bucks.

PIERRE:
Everybody have drink on Pierre.

[CROWD CHATTERING] [WHIMPERING]

[CHUCKLES]

Now, my little pigeon.

Ooh-hoo. Where are we going?

Oh, for the honeymoon.

For you, I have
the grand surprise.

So have I. If you only knew it.

Oh.

[WHOOPING]

Ho.

[WHOOPING]

Now, for the big surprise.

[LAUGHS]

You wait.

You like?

Yeah. Hee.

You like put on?

Certainly not.

What? You fool Pierre?

[LAUGHING] Oh. You so cute.

I like-- [WHIMPERS]

Oh. You so funny.

[DRY BARKING]

Oh, I get--

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

You so funny.

Ooh. Hoo.

[GIGGLES]

Oh.

Ah. [CRACKS]

Ooh. [GROWLS]

You play rough. But I like.

[GIGGLES]

Like?

She's a he.

[GASPS]

I...

[WHOOPING]

I k*ll him.

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

LARRY: Let's beat it.

Come on, before he
comes to. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, boys. Come on.

I'll k*ll them. [GRUNTS]

[WHOOPING]

[WHOOPING]

[WHOOPING] Hey!
Let's hide in here.

[KEY TURNS IN LOCK]

[♪]