02x01 - Horses' Collars (1935)

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

The case you are about to go on
is very dangerous.

It requires courage, ingenuity,
and above all things,

intelligence.

That's why I sent for you.

I missed.

I didn't.

Quit staring at me.
You make me nervous.

Yes, yes. Go on.

I have a client out west
who owns a ranch

and is in danger of
losing it. How come?

It seems that my client's father
signed an IOU for $ ,

over to Double Deal Decker,

the gambling boss
of Maverick Center.

Well, what about it?

Well, after he signs it,
Decker frames a gunfight,

has the father shot, leaving
my client holding the bag.

Go on, boss.

Your story's gripping me.

And if my client
doesn't pay the $ , ,

Decker will take
my client's ranch.

What does your client look like?

Ah, she's very attractive.

Oh, a woman.

[WHOOPING]

Her picture's here on the desk.

Which is her face?

My wife. My error.

[BIRD CHIRPING]

Here.

Spread out.

And here is a picture
of Double Deal Decker.

He always carries
the IOU with him.

You have got to get it
by hook or crook.

But remember, he's a k*ller.

Let's see it.

[CHUCKLES]

He looks like a lily to me.

[PANTING]

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

[WHOOPING]

[CRASHING]

Will you hold him?

Moe, Larry, the cheese!

Okay, okay.
Moe, Larry, the cheese.

Wait a minute. Take it easy.

Here. Here. No, Roquefort.

The cheese. Oh, all right.

Well, just a minute.
Roquefort, Roquefort.

Roquefort! Roquefort!
There you are.

[MOANING]

[MUFFLED] Roquefort.

[MOANING]

Whew.

What's the matter with him?
We forgot to tell you.

Every time he see a mouse,
he goes crazy.

He's marked that way. Why?

Because his father was a rat.

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

[SIGHS] That'll be four bits.

Try and collect it.

Wait a minute.

I'm gonna give you one chance.

Draw.

[COCKS]

[MEN GROANING]

[THUD]

DECKER: All right,
boys. Sweep 'em out.

[SPITTOON CLINKING]

The next time any strangers
come around here,

I won't be so easy.

That's right, boss.

[HORSES APPROACHING]

STOOGES: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

[MOE SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]

[ALL COUGHING]

Well, partner.

Give me glasses.

That bottle.

[ALL GAGGING, GASPING]

[COUGHING]

Thanks, bartender.

Hey. What about the money?

Go on, that's a tin roof.
What do you mean?

It's a tin roof.
It's on the house.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

That's a hot one.

Wait a minute.

A wisecracker, huh?

Oh, sort of a toughie, eh?

Draw.

[CLINK]

[CLINK]

Nice sh**t', stranger.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Toss up a quarter.

Nice shot, son.

Got a $ gold piece?

Sure.

Thanks.

Toss it.

[g*nsh*t]

Here's your quarter.

There's your change.

Thanks, partner.

Boy, you look years younger.

[ALL LAUGH]

You keep your eye on 'em.
First crooked move they make,

we'll give 'em the works.
Right, boss.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Nell. It's Nell.

Miss Higginbottom to youse guys.

If you was alone,
I'd punch you right in the nose.

Well, why don't you do it?

Well, I'm-- I'm with you.

What are you doing?

NELL: Gentlemen.

Be seated.

Sure.

A pleasure.

Hiya, Nell.

If you gentlemen don't get
that IOU for me,

I'll lose my ranch, and...

You got nothing to worry about.

Are you good detectives?

See that heel? Yes.

I ran that down.

[STOOGES CHUCKLE]

[LOUD CRUNCHING]

Quiet. I can't hear the lady.

Shh.

Here comes Decker now.

If he asks you to dance
with him, accept.

Why? Simple.

We'll get dancing partners...

You bump Decker into us...

And we'll frisk him
and get the IOU.

Oh.

Sometimes you got brains.

Thank you, thank you.

Don't let 'em go to your head.

[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

Good evening, Nell.

At last I have found you alone.

How about tripping
the light fantastic?

Delighted.

Excuse me.

Listen, mugs.
We gotta be careful.

Lobo's watching every move.
Now, get this.

Every time somebody bumps
into you on the dance floor,

reach back and go
for that IOU. Got it?

All right, get your partners.

Spread out.

Would you care to dance with me?

Oh, I'd be delighted.

[SIGHS]

Say, girlie,
you're light on your feet.

That's what they all say.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Pardon me.

You mind if I cut in?

Why, no.

Thanks.

CURLEY: I'm not much
of a leader, you know.

MOE: Let's go.

You know, you're not
a bad dancer.

Aw, I bet you tell that
to all the boys. Heh.

Now, you listen to me. Yes?

Decker's wallet's got
a chain on it.

Yes, yes? Tell Larry.

Why, certainly.

You know, you're not
a bad dancer yourself.

Are you insinuating?
No, just dancing.

That was very kind of you, babe.

Wise guy. We put it over on him.

That's teamwork. Teamwork.

The boss oughta give us
a raise for this.

It oughta be in here, boys.

[APPLAUSE]

Ah, here it is.

What are you grabbing?

Wonder where he keeps it.

There were--

♪ Oh ♪

STOOGES: ♪ You'll never know ♪

♪ Just what tears are ♪

♪ Till you cry
Like you made me cry ♪

Hey, Decker!

So thieves, huh?

Hey, folks, these hombres
stole my wallet.

What'll we do with 'em?

Let's string 'em up.

MAN: String 'em up. Get a rope.

Wait, no.

Take it easy. That's silk.

Wait a minute. I gotta go home.

We'll ship you home.

Come on.

Hey, wait for me.

[WHOOPING]

Mr. Decker, you're making
a big mistake.

Let me explain.

Yeah? Well,
we'll hang 'em first,

you can do
your explaining later.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Wait a minute.

You guys are stretching
this thing too far.

Oh, a mouse! [WOMAN SCREAMS]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[PANTING]

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

[CURLEY WHOOPING]

Moe, Larry, the cheese!

Moe, Larry, the cheese!

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

Moe, Larry, the cheese!

MAN : Come on.
MAN : Take it easy.

[CURLEY WHOOPING]

MAN : Pick him up.

CURLEY: Moe, Larry, the cheese.
LARRY: Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. We'll get
down out of this thing.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[WHOOPING]

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

All right, take it easy.
Moe, Larry, cheese.

Take it easy. Cheese.

Here you are, kid.

No, Camembert.
Moe, Larry, the cheese.

Okay. [MUFFLED SPEECH]

[MOANING]

Take it easy. Take it easy, kid.

You'll be all right. [SQUEALING]

All right. All right.

Shh. They're all asleep.

We must be quiet.

[DOOR SLAMS]

There's the safe.
The IOU must be in there.

Get to it.

Nell, get over by that door,
stand guard

and let us know
if anything happens. Go ahead.

Give me the sandpaper.

Take it easy, butterfingers.

Ooh!

MAN [ON RADIO]: You
are listening to Station WGN.

Our Memorial Day
musical program continues.

It's a radio. Turn it off.

There's the safe.

Go ahead.

Say, Nell's gone.

I better see what's happened.
Go ahead.

[CLUNK]

Did you hear that tumbler click?

Good work.

Did you hear
that tumbler click, Larry?

Larry's gone.

Go ahead, get the IOU.
I'll see where he is.

[CLUNK]

Ah, another tumbler clicked.

I got it. "IOU."

I got it!

Caught you with the goods, huh?

Before we string you up,

I'm gonna give you
the beating of your life.

Now...

[PANTING]

[MOUSE SQUEAKS]

[WHOOPING]

[WHOOPING CONTINUES]

CURLEY: Moe, Larry, the cheese!

[WHOOPING]

Moe, Larry, the cheese.

Moe, Larry, the cheese.
The cheese.

Moe, Larry, the cheese.
All right, here. Here.

No, Limburger.
Moe, Larry, the cheese.

[MUFFLED]
Moe, Larry, the cheese. Mmm.

Shh, shh. [WHIMPERING]

Nell, the IOU.

[EXHALES]

[SQUEALING]

[WHOOPING]

[♪]