Mary, remember when
you promised to help me
win the spelling prize.
When did I do that, Nicholas?
Well, if you don't remember
we could just say
it was yesterday.
If I don't remember,
then maybe it was somebody else
who promised you
or maybe it never happened.
- It happened with Nancy.
- Then ask her.
She wasn't as easy to interrupt.
Now come on,
any word on the list.
Alright, alright, I guess
this is the quickest way
to get rid of you.
But just till you miss
the first word, alright?
- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.
- Formulate.
- Formulate.
F-O-R-M-U-L-A-T-E.
- Not bad.
- Bad, B-A-D.
Alright, wise guy.
Spelling?
Spelling?
That's not on the list.
Yes, it is, right here
at the top of the page.
- Spelling list. You give up?
- Nope.
Spelling, S-P-E-L-I-N-G.
Spelling has two Ls,
Nicholas. Goodbye.
[clear throat]
Mary, how many Rs in cheetah?
[laughs]
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic
in the early morning we found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles
on everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ Oh eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ We spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
- Checkbook.
- Checkbook.
- Pen.
- Pen.
- Bills.
- Bills.
- Tom, I think we are ready.
- Uh, I'm never really ready.
Let's start out
with a nice small one.
Okay, how about,
uh, the dentist?
Dentist? I said a small one.
Do you realize that there
are teeth in this family?
- Car insurance?
- Oh, no.
Ever since Tommy's been driving,
that one gives me hives.
How about the telephone bill?
How about this family
taking a vow of silence?
Tom, we have to start someplace.
Oh.
- Headache?
- Headache.
- Aspirin?
- Aspirin.
At least that's tax deductible.
[cheering]
And then listen,
then the same girl
she's only a sophomore,
did this modern interpretation
of a bluegrass tune
that brought down the house.
- It was great.
- Oh, let's see it.
Okay, wait.
[humming]
Hey, good memory.
[cheering]
I wish you guys could've
seen the whole recital.
Ah, its cheaper this way.
Gee, I'm sorry
I missed it, Elizabeth.
I haven't seen you
this excited about anything
since we had our own phone.
Well, who would have thought
a troop of college dancers
could be so fantastic.
- What college were they from?
- Wellington.
Wellington, no wonder.
I mean, they have the best dance
school in the whole country.
You know, their graduates
go straight into
professional ballet
and, and Broadway musicals.
How come I never
heard of Wellington?
- It's in Vermont.
- Oh, that explains, Nance.
You've never heard of Vermont.
[laughing]
I have, too, heard of it.
It's full of rocks
and it's usually buried
under lots of snow.
- Ooh.
- Sounds like heaven.
Hey, we're in luck,
there's no line.
Yeah, that's because
there are no tickets.
Great. Four people
and three tickets, some date.
Hey, no problem. We'll switch
to Contingency Plan B.
Which is?
The old side door sneak in,
now I'll go in with the ladies
and you wait in the alley
till I can let you in.
No way. I'm tired
of hearing my conscience
through a closed door.
I'll take the ladies inside.
I might be persuaded
the part with the ticket.
- Oh, yeah, how much?
- Twelve dollars.
Twelve dollars?
It only cost six.
Supply and demand, gentlemen.
I know you understand.
I got three.
I've only got five.
We're four short.
We'll pay you back.
Enjoy the show.
Enjoy the profit.
There would be a law
against scalpers.
Yeah, but there isn't.
See you inside.
(Mary)
'Good morning.'
(Elizabeth)
Now this is ridiculous.
Sacramento State only
has two dance courses.
Ballet for weight control
and disco dance aerobic.
Disco dance aerobics.
Oh, you know why that is?
'Cause the fine arts department
won't stoop to politics.
So they lose dance to phys ed.
Wellington offers complete
bachelor of arts
degrees in the dance.
- Are you sure?
- Well.
I'll show you
when I get the catalog
but that's what I was told
by my guidance counsellor.
Guidance, one of my children
is seeking guidance.
Wow, let's declare a holiday.
Hire a band.
This moment will go down
in the history.
- Look, everybody, it came.
- What came?
The tools of my new profession.
Oh, you're becoming a
professional scissors sharpener.
No, professional hair stylist.
Congratulation, Nancy.
What beauty college
you are attending?
Oh, I don't have time
for beauty college.
Besides this way,
it doesn't stifle
my creative individual talents.
- This way?
- Yeah, this way.
I send away for this coupon
on the back
of "American Beautician"
and I got in exchange
this beautiful professional
hair styling kit.
What did the coupon say, Nance?
If you can clip out this edge,
you can cut hair?
Style hair, Mar.
There's a world of difference.
Besides, that's what
this instruction manual
is all about
in the first chapter.
- Lots of luck.
- Yeah, I'm gonna need luck.
But what I really need is
actual advertisements
of my work.
And the instruction manual
suggest
using members
of one's own family.
Ah, you wanna style our hair?
Yeah, free of charge,
free of charge.
- To high a price.
- Yeah.
But I'll eventually be charging
up to $ per styling for women.
And, uh, $ per styling
for men, daddy.
Yeah, but this walking
advertisement has got to run.
I'll be open evenings.
Just call for an appointment.
I'll see if I can fit you in.
"Chapter II.
You And Your Scissors."
(Elizabeth)
'And this is the Wellington,
library with the clock tower.'
Did you ever see
a more beautiful campus?
Nope, not even deducting %
from normal
catalog exaggeration.
Plus, they have a student
teacher ratio of to .
Oh, take a look
at the dance program.
Right there.
"An integrated course of study
designed to develop competency
"in performance
and choreography
as well as
critical appreciation."
Pretty spiffy.
What's this place cost?
Uh, it shouldn't be any more
than your med school.
It has to be, Elizabeth.
It's clear across the country.
Well, you don't have
to bark at me.
- Who's barking?
- You are.
If I don't complain about
the cost of your education
then you don't complain
about mine.
Ah, come on, scalping's
an old-fashioned word.
We'd prefer to think of it is,
uh, shrewd investing.
You know, Entertainment
Investments Incorporated
anticipates doubling
its capital assets.
You see, we take advantage
of the fluctuations
in the market value
of Ted Nugent tickets
on the day of the concert.
Fine, I'll put you down for
five shares at a dollar each.
Par value.
Alright, thanks.
Harry, hey, this is Tommy.
Bradford, from history.
Hold on a sec.
Honestly, Susan, I'm available
to style your hair
anytime you say.
Honestly, Nancy, no, thanks.
I'm letting my hair grow down
to the floor and out the window.
It's the latest thing,
the Rapunzel look.
Oh, Susan.
Hey, Harry, hey, here I am.
Hey, how would you
like to get in
on the ground floor
of a potential conglomerate.
Yeah, Entertainment
Investments Incorporated.
We just happen to have
one last vacancy
on the board of directors.
Yeah, you'll be vice president.
Hi, Nicholas,
what have you got there?
Oh, Elizabeth's college catalog.
Oh, really.
Dad, are you gonna buy
Elizabeth a college?
What, buy her a college?
No, no, its not
that kind of a catalog.
You don't buy colleges.
You, uh..
Well, you sort of purchase
unitive knowledge.
- How much is spelling?
- No, no.
But you see, you have
to purchase the courses
in one lump sum, and then
they call it a, a tuition.
Here, let me show you.
Ah, see now.
Here it is.
Uh, the tuition and fees
for this college are..
...$.
[knock on door]
Come in, bring boys.
Hey, you found the catalog,
just like I figured.
Oh.
Like you figured?
Sure, I knew that
once you read it, dad
you'd want me to go
to Wellington.
Oh, yes, it is, uh..
It's very impressive, but--
I never dreamed any university
could be so perfect.
It's like they knew
exactly what I wanted
and built a school just for me.
Yeah, did-did you look at the,
uh, Sacramento State catalog?
Oh, yeah, for as long
as I could stand it.
Well, how-how about
the other California schools
like Berkeley, Davis?
Well, once I learned about
Wellington, I stopped looking.
Maybe you better look again,
I mean, California has some
fine public colleges and..
Uh, you-you've never
lived miles
away from your family
and the snow.
Right, but it's about time
I stop being
a provincial sun freak.
Dad, do you realize
how beautiful New England is?
You're gonna love it
when you come visit me.
I, uh, I don't think that we'll
be visiting you in New England.
Well, then I'll send you
lots of postcards.
Uh, I'm afraid you won't
be seeing it either.
Are you saying you don't
approve of Wellington?
Oh, no, no, I approve of it all.
Uh, it's just that..
I'm, uh, I'm afraid
I can't let you go there.
Daddy, how can you say
such a thing?
I'd give anything in the world
not to have to say it.
It's just that..
It has nothing to do
with Wellington.
It has nothing to do with you.
- It's all my fault.
- Your fault?
I don't have the money
to send you there.
You don't have the money for me.
Well, then, how come you have
it for everybody else?
Couldn't we get financial aid
from the government?
Well, we may be too poor
to send Elizabeth to Wellington
but we're too rich
to except subsidies.
That's why
they call it middle class.
You get squeezed
from all directions.
Couldn't Elizabeth
get a student loan?
What? Do you know what kind of
a debt would be hanging on her?
About $,.
That's little double digit
exaggeration, isn't it?
No, it isn't. I mean,
its not just tuition.
It's room and board
and-and books
and the student health plan.
Not to mention the flight out,
the flight back.
And all those
cross country phone calls.
Elizabeth could write letters.
Today you trade money this size
for stamps this size.
No, no, she'll just have to go
to a California state college
like her sisters.
She's gonna hate that.
Yeah, well,
that's, that's too bad.
There's nothing else we can do.
I should have started
a savings account for Elizabeth
when she was first born.
Trouble is,
when she was first born
I had nothing to start it with.
She had that old
Bradford family habit.
Needing groceries.
- Did you read this last page?
- No.
I was struck
deaf, blind and dumb
from the prices
on the other page.
- Well, read it. Right here.
- Where?
"The Sarah Wellington
Dance Scholarship."
It's four years full tuition.
And if you could get the
Sarah Wellington Scholarship
well, then that means that
Wellington would have cost
the same amount as we're paying
for Mary, Joannie and Susan.
We could actually
swing it, Elizabeth.
- Do you think I could qualify?
- You've got the grades.
All you have to do is get
s on your college boards
- And that's a piece of cake.
- Mnh-mnh, not when I took 'em.
It was a piece of t*rture.
Nancy, if you really wanna
help out in this conversation
go back to sleep.
[sighs]
We'll get the s.
I'll help you every way I can.
- Oh, you don't have the time.
- I'll make the time.
This scholarship is the only way
that we can make
Wellington work for you.
And that's what
we want, Elizabeth.
We really do.
I know that now, daddy.
- I'm sorry, I yelled.
- Forget it.
I seem to recall
I hold a few house records
for yelling around here myself.
Now that you're friends
again, daddy
you'd be a lot more helpful if
you just kissed her goodnight.
- Alright, it's done, it's done.
- Goodnight, daddy.
- Goodnight, Elizabeth.
- Goodnight.
Okay, coach, where do we start?
How are you on verbal analogies?
Uh, a little shaky.
But I'll be better
when you tell me what they are.
The words that, that relate
to each other in the same way.
Uh, for example,
what's the relationship
between acorn and oak?
Acorns grow into oaks.
Do wheel and car have the same
relationship as acorn and oak?
You can't plant a wheel
and grow a car.
That's good thinking,
so it's not a verbal analogy.
But it sure would solve
the transportation problem.
'Please, no levity.'
The college boards
take their questions
and your future
deadly serious.
'Now the next analogy.'
Nibble is to bite as itch is to?
- Scratch.
- Think about it.
Nibble is to bite,
as itch is to hurt.
I'm hurting, I'm hurting.
(Mary)
Wrong.
Okay, then it's .
Still wrong. .
- You put me on.
- Elizabeth, look.
The differences increase
each time, alright?
So the next number
is plus , .
- If you say so.
- It doesn't matter what I say.
Look, I've already passed
this test. You've gotta know.
Okay, okay, but you know,
math is to Elizabeth
like clear is to mud.
I mean, this is a dance
scholarship, right?
Sure it's a dance scholarship
but I've been so busy
with verbal analogies
and mathematical sequences
that I'm forgetting
which foot is left
and which is right.
Oh, no, Elizabeth, come on,
you're gonna blow it.
I mean, you'll never qualify
for that scholarship
unless you have
a knockout dance audition.
Okay, so I'll start rehearsing.
Yeah, rehearsing what?
I could do that one I did
for the junior class frolics.
No, you won't,
it's amateur night.
Thanks a lot.
You'll thank me more than a lot.
I'm taking you to Gwen Elkhart.
- Gwen Elkhart?
- Yeah.
But she's got
the best professional
dance company in Sacramento.
- Yeah, I know.
- How do you know her?
Oh, she taught
a body movement workshop
one time in university theater.
I mean, she probably
won't remember me
but I'll introduce you
to her anyway.
I mean, if you don't dazzle
Wellington with your brains
maybe you'll dazzle 'em
with your feet.
You think so?
(female #)
'Contract, one,
two, over, three'
'four, release right,
six, lift, seven and eight.'
'Contract, one,
two, over, three'
'four, release left,
six and lift the arms.'
And side and center
and side and center.
Side and center
and side and hold.
And relax.
Hello, Joannie Bradford,
entering like a timid chipmunk.
Everybody, get ready
for floor crossings.
Hi, Gwen, I didn't mean
to disturb you.
- How nice to see you, dear.
- Thanks.
Let me guess, you want me once
again to teach grace and poise
to drama students
with what, left feet.
No, not this time, Gwen,
but, uh
you can sell some insurance
to my sister Elizabeth.
Maybe we better move
to my space.
Okay.
Oh.
Scholarship insurance.
Now I understand.
- To what school, Elizabeth?
- Wellington.
Oh, say no more.
I wanted to go there myself.
We'll have
our first class tomorrow.
You mean, you'll take me
as a student?
Oh, you make it sound
so institutional.
We're all students here.
We will explore
the world of dance together.
Sounds perfect to me.
See.
Wellington, here she comes.
[telephone rings]
Hello.
What? Who?
Entertainment Investments
Incorporated.
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, I think
you have the wrong number.
Yeah, well,
your hot tip is very wrong.
This is a private home,
not a place of business.
No, I don't know their number.
I don't play the stock market.
The only investments I make
are in dentist and education.
Goodbye.
Huh, dad.
- I can barely see you ears.
- I left them at the office.
But, dad,
you got cute little ears.
I think you should
show them off more.
Like if I give you this young,
executive, pompadour look.
Uh, no, I-I tell ya,
I think that you should
work with somebody
with a full head of hair.
I don't have enough hair
for you to even learn on.
But, dad, dad, you're perfect.
I mean, I know
you don't have a lot
but what you have
is very challenging.
Oh. Hi, dad.
You're just the person I need
to talk to if you're not busy.
Oh, no, no. Not at all.
Listen, if you'll excuse us--
I don't mind snipping
while you chat.
Listen, the last Bradford
ever to be scalped
was back in .
I'm going to keep it that way.
But, dad! Dad.
Oh, boy! Thanks.
Do I owe you one?
Could you owe me
about $ a month?
Huh! All my daughters
are trying to clip me!
Uh, what's the $ for?
It's to help me
with the scholarship.
See, Joannie turned me on
to this terrific dance teacher
and I really think
she'll help improve my chances.
That's one investment
I can afford.
Whom do I make
this check out to?
The Elkhart Community
Of The Dance.
Oh, you know, Elizabeth,
I'm very pleased
with the positive approach
you're taking
towards this
scholarship challenge.
Uh, how is your college
board training coming?
Well, Abby says
I'm ready for a trial run.
Terrific.
I'm not so sure
I agree with her.
Stop.
Put your pencil down.
Close your booklet and look up
at me, the examination is over.
I think I am over.
Yeah, think how I'm gonna feel
after two hours
of grading all these.
Be kind, Abby.
Kind is not in
the college board vocabulary.
(male #)
'In the middle
or out on the sides'
'who knows where
the queen of hearts hides?'
Oh, it's the card
with the bent corner
right there in the middle,
that's the queen, right there.
No, no.
You dunce.
Just don't get any bright ideas
about the company's bucks.
That money is to be
invested in tickets.
That money is for a profit
and I'm tired
of waiting in line.
Hey, uh..
Are you playing for quarters
or you playin'
for, uh, real money?
Hmm, why not?
'Follow the cards
and watch my hands'
'and you'll know where
the little lady lands.'
There she is, right there!
What do you got pal, ESP?
The eye is quicker
than the hand.
- How about that?
- Great.
Now the company
can buy another ticket.
The company won't
have to buy any tickets.
I'm gonna double
our investment right now.
Tommy, that's the money
for the tickets.
Hey, be cool.
I know what I'm doing.
Alright.
'Over and under, out and in'
'whoever finds her
is bound to win.'
[Tommy chuckling]
Better luck next time, pal.
When our investors
hear about this
there won't be a next time.
You graded me already?
Yeah, well, you left
a lot of answers
blank at the end
of each section.
Which means, we're gonna
have to work on your speed.
Just give me
the numbers, Abby.
Okay.
You made on math
and on English.
- I'll never break .
- Sure, you will.
This means that we have
to, um, double up
on our cramming sessions
and push harder.
Plie one, two, releve
three, four, extend, side.
Two, three, four,
turn out, five
hold, six, seven, lower, eight.
Now, listen, lighten up.
Try it with looser movements.
More flow and grace.
- Oh, watch Andy.
- Mm.
Good, Andy, thank you.
Um, take over for me, will you?
Come with me, Elizabeth.
I can, I can
feel the tension.
That was plain enough
from the way you were moving.
You are tied up in knots
about something.
I have been
a little distracted lately.
A little bit distracted.
You're totally rigid.
Now what's the matter?
I just took a practice
college board, Gwen.
You know what I got,
middle s when I need is--
What you need is to relax.
Now I'm going
to show you an exercise
that will free
the real Elizabeth.
Your arms are balloons.
As you take a deep breath
from the abdomen, they inflate.
They rise.
As you exhale, they deflate.
Coming to rest again
at your side.
Good, that was good.
Do it again.
Now, Elizabeth,
you cannot allow yourself
to worry about something.
If it makes you so anxious,
you can't function.
- The college--
- Shh, d-don't talk.
Just breathe.
Now you are here to celebrate
the joy of dancing.
Let go, Elizabeth.
'Let go, Elizabeth.'
Daddy, daddy, I can make you
look ten years younger.
No, you can't, every time
you wave those scissors at me
one hair falls down
and another turns grey.
Oh, come on, daddy. I've
gotta have practice, please.
(Abby)
You better find somebody else.
See, your father's hairs are
on the endangered species list.
That means you have
to have an environmental
impact report to cut them.
True. Now do you wanna be the
first hairstylist in history
to be picketed
by the Sierra Club?
- Alright, nobody see me.
- We haven't?
No, and if anyone calls
tell them I'm not home
except for Danny.
Oh, what do we say
when people call?
Tell them
I moved to Packinstein.
Only Nicholas knows
where that is.
Right.
I better see what
that was all about.
Oh, daddy, you're just
tryin' to get away from me.
- I can tell.
- Why do you say that?
When all I wanna do is
get away from you.
Oh, an unidentified
flying Bradford.
Elizabeth, you are late
for the college board session.
Oh, thanks, Abby, but I won't
be needin' any more coaching.
You're just gonna be
satisfied with s?
That's not gonna get you
into Wellington.
Who needs Wellington?
I'm going to become
a professional dancer.
These beads
are really groovy, Elizabeth.
[sighs]
I'm just gonna leave this here
until you're certain
you don't want it.
I'm not only certain,
I'm positive.
- Now take it to the garage.
- Okay.
You know, sometimes
you have to live with a thing
before you're really sure
it's for you.
Only if you don't know
what you really want.
Sometimes you only think
you know what you want.
This time I know.
Goodbye, door.
Hello, garage.
[sighs]
[gasps]
Hey, don't you just
love our new space?
Elizabeth, what have you done?
Where's my bed?
My bureau?
[gasps]
My John Travolta poster.
Nancy, how could we find our
true selves in all that clutter?
Clutter? That wasn't clutter.
That was my life
and I want it back.
Oh, now you hold on. This is
my space as well as yours.
Correction.
That half is your space
and this half is civilization.
Danny suggested that I shouldn't
bet our entire capital assets
but I picked the queen
five times in a row
when the other guy was betting.
Because you happened
to notice that the queen
had a crimp in the corner.
Yeah.
Only this poor, dumb guy
that's betting
he doesn't notice the crimp
and he's always losing.
Why didn't you tell me
you were there?
I was down in Stockton
rigging scaffolding, friend.
Even from there,
I can recognize
'the oldest con game
in the world.'
Me? Conned?
Well, the first guy,
the dumb one, he's the shill.
No, now you tell me.
Didn't it strike you as odd
that you were the only one
in the world that could
see the crimped card?
No, at the time,
it struck me as lucky.
Hey, how come
you know so much?
Did you fall for this
when you're my age?
No way.
I read about three-card monte
in a book.
Here.
Read.
A complete history of con games?
'Now if you'd
had that yesterday'
you might still have
your investors' $.
Yeah, well, it might
as well be a thousand.
Just think of it
as an investment
in your personal education.
Hey, do you mind
if I borrow this for a while?
Eddie Burkstead says that
you owe his big brother $.
He'll get it back.
Alright, now I have
three cards here.
Two aces and a queen.
What you have to do is
tell me where the queen is.
But Eddie said
that his big brother's
gonna twist your head off
when he gets you alone.
He's not gonna find me
until I'm ready.
Now I'm gonna move
these cards around
and I want you to keep
your eye on the queen.
Now watch carefully.
Alright, which one's the queen?
What's the matter?
Weren't you watching?
'Why don't you pick this one?'
I don't like that one.
The corners are bad.
- Yeah.
- Oh, it's all my fault.
Your fault? Come on, Tom.
If I could afford to send
Elizabeth to Wellington
she never would've met
this Gwen person.
Dad, don't blame it on Gwen.
She's right, Tom,
from every thing I hear
about Gwen Elkhart,
I think I like her a lot.
Oh, how can you like a person
who fills your daughter's
head with space?
I'll tell you something,
I am going to forbid her
to go back to that
dipsy dance studio.
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
I mean, would you rather
have her imitating Gwen
here in our house
or being Gwen someplace else?
No, Elizabeth would
never leave home.
- Oh, wouldn't she?
- Yeah, dad.
That's what you said
about David.
Well, I wish you would
have been more encouraging
about her
college board scores.
I had to tell her the truth.
I couldn't lie to her.
This way,
if she works hard enough
she might make the s
on the real test.
Alright, that's exactly
what I'll tell her.
- No, I'll tell her.
- Why you?
Because I won't tell her.
I'll suggest.
Yeah, dad, it works great.
You ought to try it sometime.
- Oh, really?
- Really.
Is that an order
or a suggestion?
But you put a lot of work
into preparing
for the college boards.
And we were making progress.
It just seems to me
that you owe it to yourself
to-to go back to work and
get ready for the real test.
I think I owe it to myself
to explore
my potential as a dancer.
Fine, but can't you also explore
your very real potential
as a student whether it's at
Wellington or anywhere else?
You know, I, uh, feel tension
in this space, Abby
and I think
it's coming from you.
Here, stand up and
I'll show you something, okay?
Okay.
Elizabeth, tension is a very
real part of life, you know.
I mean, it means
that we're making an effort.
And an effort means
that we're not copping out.
- Don't talk, just breathe.
- Okay, I'm breathing.
Okay, now, close your eyes
and imagine yourself
suspended from the ceiling.
You're arms are balloons
and as you take a deep breath
from your abdomen,
they inflate.
Elizabeth, I'm not
in the market for exercise.
Can't we talk about the boards?
The college boards make me feel
A, rigid, B, uptight,
C, dumb, D, nauseas
and E, all of the above.
[instrumental music]
Hey.
I don't know which hurt worst.
Striking out with Elizabeth
or remembering
how schmuck I was with you?
Um, so now you learned,
being a father
is not as easy as it looks,
not even for a woman.
Do you think she's good enough
to be a professional dancer?
You're asking me, the man who
does the box step on your toes?
Well, it's just
such a terribly hard life.
I'd hate to see her fail at it.
- Because I failed her.
- That's not true.
Look, all the other girls
got to go
to the colleges they wanted to.
Even David and Nancy
got not to attend.
Why can't Elizabeth go
where she wants to?
I'm not gonna let you
take the wrap for this.
You know there is a limit
to what one man
can provide for his family
and you've already exceeded that
quota by at least . children.
I'm not impressed
with that statistic.
And neither is Elizabeth.
Hi, uh..
I-it looks like
a very interesting dance.
- Does it?
- Yeah.
Well, is that something
that Gwen taught you?
- Oh, no. I'm making it up.
- Oh, really?
That's what they call
interpretive dancing.
Well, what is
your creation about?
Oh, well, I'm calling it
Dance of the Imprisoned Spirit.
Wow! That sounds heavy though.
Yeah, Gwen thought
it was a perfect expression
of my existential self.
Oh, you mean that,
uh, Gwen thinks
that you're imprisoned?
Oh, no. She thinks I was,
but now I'm breaking free.
That's what I'm calling
my last movement, Freedom Found.
Now what does Gwen
think about that?
Oh, well, she hasn't seen it yet
but I'm sure she'll love it.
Especially when I burn the book.
What? Wait a minute.
When-when you burn the what?
- College board manual.
- No, no, no.
Bradfords don't burn books.
Any books.
It's a symbolic ritual
of my rebirth.
It's sacrilege.
I should've known
you wouldn't understand.
I understand,
I understand perfectly.
You can't do this to yourself
and you can't do it to me.
And you can't stop me.
Alright, in the middle
or on the sides
who knows where the lady hides?
Over and under, out and in
whoever finds her
has found the woman.
Ah, not again!
I'm wiped out.
Sorry, stranger.
The queen is over here.
'Anyone else? Today could be
your, uh, lucky day.'
Okay, my friend, you look a lot
brighter than whoever that was.
I admire your confidence.
Follow the cards
and watch my hands.
'Soon you'll find
where the lady lands.'
Congratulations, would you
care to go for five..
Care to come to my office?
It's a contest, right?
'Each succeeding Bradford
has to top'
'the exploits of his
or her senior sibling.'
No, sir.
Please, tell me
you're the last
of the Bradford litter, huh?
No, sir,
I have a younger brother.
Give me strength.
How much younger?
- Nicholas is nine.
- Perfect.
My ulcer would mercifully
have put me in the cemetery
before he reaches high school.
Now tell me why were you turning
our nice Sacramento campus
into Las Vegas?
Uh, what you don't
understand, sir
is we were only doing research.
Oh, yeah, that's it.
Research for a class paper.
What exactly
were you researching?
Uh, the history of con games.
It's really fascinating.
You see the three-card monte,
which we were field testing
is the oldest recorded con
in history.
And the second oldest
is the research paper con.
Tell me.
What class was this paper for?
- We haven't decided yet.
- Good.
Then you can turn it in to me.
Ten thousand words.
- Ten thousand?
- Ten thousand?
With footnotes, on my desk,
Monday morning.
You know, Gwen, you were right.
I am the imprisoned spirit.
[laughs]
Wow, Elizabeth.
When we discussed the theme
of your dance, I said
we all makes ourselves
prisoners in some way.
'I didn't know you had
parent problems.'
Do I?
Then use the energy
of that turmoil
to help choreograph
your workshop number.
Okay, and I'll use
the feeling of freedom
and space that you give me.
Fine, if you think
that will work for you.
It'll be the best part.
Oh, Gwen, I'm so glad
to be here with you
and become part
of your company.
If that's what you want,
I hope it works out.
Works out?
I don't, I don't understand.
I thought you wanted me
to become a dancer?
Oh, I do, and I hope your dance
is a very impressive try-out.
Try-out?
Nobody said it was a try-out.
Because everybody
knows that child.
Next month's workshop
is always the audition
for my professional ensemble.
Yeah, so that's the way
it works, huh?
Oh, now don't look so stricken.
I will be available
anytime you want me.
'And your sister Joannie
will be a big help.'
[scoffs]
As long as I don't tell dad
she's doing it.
One, two, three, four.
- And round and two--
- Stop! It's wrong.
Okay, what?
Now will you please pay
attention to what you're doing?
Elizabeth,
I was paying attention.
No, you weren't, you counted
wrong, it threw me off.
Elizabeth, uh, look,
maybe I'm just having trouble
with this particular part today.
No, this is the crucial
movement in the whole dance.
It's where I break free
and get reborn.
Yeah, I know. Well,
maybe you just can't relate
to those feelings right now.
Look, I don't need
any of your dumb comments.
I just need you to count
right for once, okay?
Yeah.
Well, how much
did you get for my bike?
The best offer so far
is bucks.
It's worth at least
twice that much.
Try telling that to a customer
who has just counted
six missing spokes.
Great.
I sold my bike
for a buck loss
and that still doesn't get
our investors off our cases.
Not to mention
the buck we lost to the guy
we were supposed to be conning.
- We're gonna need jobs.
- Who's got time?
I'm only up to word
on Gillette's paper.
'How about you?'
Two thousand four hundred
and seventy one.
[exhales]
Let's see, it's, uh, .
We'll die from writer's cramp.
Yeah, if our investors
don't k*ll us first.
Seven thousand two hundred
and twenty four.
- What are you doin'?
- I'm trying to relax.
- Can you relax and cut my hair?
- No way.
But you always
used to cut my hair
and if you don't do it now,
Nancy is gonna bald me.
I see the problem,
but I don't have the time.
You don't have time
for anything anymore.
I've gotta get ready
for my dance.
I sure do like
the old Elizabeth better.
- The old Elizabeth?
- Yeah. She was more fun.
No, the old Elizabeth
worried too much.
Not as much as she worries now.
You mean, you're accusing me
of deliberately avoiding
my very own youngest daughter?
Yeah, ask yourself, dad.
When was the very last time
you even spoke to Elizabeth?
Well, let's see,
it was, uh, four days ago.
She ran out of the kitchen
when I yelled at her
and then I kicked
the refrigerator in frustration.
Four days, huh? Well, at least
he's not ignoring the calendar.
No, dad, I don't think
you're avoiding Elizabeth.
Oh, thank you, Joannie.
I think you're conducting
a cold, calculating campaign
of disapproving silence.
Hm, that sounds interesting.
I might try that if my present
tactics don't work.
Oh, come on, dad, how can you
be using tactics on Elizabeth
if you don't even do
anything about her?
Yeah, dad, this can't go on.
Try having your bedroom
spaced out.
Actually, I think
this whole matter
is the fault of her horoscope.
So you know what I'm doing,
I'm keeping a very close eye
on Jupiter and Venus rising.
Tom, the girls deserve
a straight answer.
Alright, the girls are right.
I am avoiding her
until my throat gets better
then I can really yell at her.
I don't know what to do with
her. She's got me stymied.
When I figure something out,
I'll let you know.
What about you, Abby?
Well, lately, I've been asking
myself one simple question.
Yeah?
What could be the worst thing
that could happen to Elizabeth
if she becomes
a professional dancer?
Besides starvation?
[instrumental music]
Well, did you like it?
Oh, well, I can see
how hard you've been working.
The concepts show
genuine emotion.
And, uh, there were some
wonderful fluid movement.
Thank you.
However, I'm afraid
your timing was off.
My timing?
And the cloak, it doesn't work.
It's really much too cumbersome.
Uh, but the cloak
is my old self.
Not having it would force you
to be more inventive
in portraying your rebirth.
Okay, well,
if that's what you think
will it be okay then?
Well, the number needs
a lot of work, Elizabeth.
But of course, in the long run
the more you put in,
the better your chances are.
What about in the short run?
Well, you must realize there
will be others at the tryout
who have had a lot
more experience than you.
So in other words,
it's not a .
No, not yet.
But you have made progress.
And I think you owe it
to yourself to go back to work
and get ready
for the real competition.
I never expected you
to use that awful word.
Then maybe you haven't
been listening.
One student out of
makes it into my dance company.
One company out of a
keeps its head above water.
If this were
a non-competitive world
do you think
I would be struggling
to survive in Sacramento?
What about celebrating
the joy of dance?
The joy of everything,
Elizabeth, is working at it.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I didn't make it.
Yeah, she said it needed work.
Lots of work.
I'm sorry.
- I'm not.
- You're not?
Abby, I left the studio angry.
You know, and real hurt.
Then walking home,
I realized that Gwen was right.
I mean, I expected
to, to walk in there
and dazzle her
after only three weeks' work.
I expected to set the dance
world on fire or something.
You have talent, Elizabeth.
Maybe, but talent isn't enough.
It takes work.
Lots of work.
Abby.
I may have blown my audition
but I hope I haven't
blown it with you.
No such luck, kiddo.
You mean, you'll still
help me with my boards?
Oh, try and stop me.
Thanks.
So back to the books?
Two dollars for a haircut?
Yeah, that's my final offer.
People don't pay
to give haircuts.
They pay to get them.
Trust me, Nicholas, trust me.
- Come on sit on the bed.
- No. No.
Stop. It's the only hair I got.
Nicholas.
I'll cut your hair, Nicholas.
Alright.
You'll do
no such thing, Elizabeth.
Save me!
Nancy, it's Nicholas' hair
and he wants me to cut it.
Do I muscle in on your dancing?
No, but I wouldn't care
if you did.
What do you mean
you wouldn't care?
These days if I did anything
or said anything
about your dancing,
you'd divide me in half.
Actually, I've decided
the only dancing
I'm good at right now
is the side step.
- The side step?
- Kind of a detour boogie.
I guess I thought
that I could just dance away
from all my problems,
but it doesn't work like that.
Oh, Elizabeth, I can't believe
you're saying this.
And I can't even believe
my arms didn't stretch.
- But I love it.
- Yeah.
- Good to have you back.
- Thanks.
(Nancy)
'Okay.'
Personally, I think it would
be great for your apartment.
In other words,
you can't stand them either.
Oh, how about
Nicholas' playhouse?
Uh, I tried that.
He said he'd rather throw up.
[laughs]
- Well.
- Oh, what's this?
- Elizabeth is back with us.
- How far back?
Well, I just repainted her room
and I'm about to move
her furniture back.
And tomorrow, we start
more cramming sessions
for the college boards
and she'll fit
her dancing around that.
See, my strategy, it worked.
Oh, what a liar.
What strategy?
How do I know?
I haven't figured one out yet.
That's what I thought.
You know, somebody up there
really likes you, Tom.
[Tommy screams]
Oh!
Obviously, you're not referring
to our second floor?
Obviously.
[theme music]
03x15 - The Yearning Point
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.