Oh, this is the greatest.
I mean, you driving for a change,
me just sitting back
and enjoying the scenery.
Hey, it's the least I can do, partner.
You know, sometimes I forget
how tough our hours are.
You're telling me.
We put in some overtime
on that last assignment.
Yeah. Well, now all we have to do
is relax for the next couple of days--
- What is that?
- Emergency beeper.
It's the Sycopomp.
- Sycopomp? What's a Sycopomp?
- It's the angel dispatcher.
He gives out the assignments.
Something must have gone haywire.
I'm gonna have to go up.
What do you mean, "up" up?
Yeah. But I'll be back
as soon as I can.
Oh, Jonathan, come on.
You said we'd have a few days
to relax. Now you--
Jonat--?
Jonathan!
I think I'll do the driving
from now on.
Practise somewhere else,
will you, Faith?
That goes for you too, Charity.
Follow me, please.
Have a seat.
You'll be waited on in a moment.
Thank you very much.
Smith.Thank you.
You know why you're here?
Yeah. Who was the guy
that seated me? He's new.
The heavenly host.
And they're Faith and Charity.
- Faith, Charity.
- Hi.
Hi.
And of course, that one's-
You don't have to tell me.
I can guess.
Hi, Hope.
Now, down to business.
We got a real problem.
The boss decided to instal computers
to keep track of all the assignments.
Computers, modern technology.
And he thought an apple
was trouble in the Garden of Eden.
The computer's haywire
and I've got an angel down there
- on the wrong assignment.
- Can't you get him back?
Not until they fix the computer.
Well, what about the boss?
Certainly he can get him back.
You think I'm gonna call the boss
for this?
That's like calling Lee Iacocca
because I have a flat tyre.
You've got a point. How bad is it?
Well, it couldn't be worse.
The assignment is Stanley
and Constance Richbourne.
She wants a child, he doesn't.
The marriage is in trouble.
The angel on the assignment
is Max Richbourne, the kid's father.
The kid's father?
Well, that doesn't sound so awful.
Smith, Max Richbourne
d*ed of a heart att*ck
an hour before the wedding,
screaming at his son
not to marry Constance.
He's gone down there
to try and split them up.
Wow, it's gonna be
a tough assignment.
Got any suggestions?
You're the angel.
Wing it.
Richbourne estate.
What are we doing here?
What do they need us for?
All the money in the world
can't buy happiness.
Yeah, but you can look for it
in classier places.
Max Richbourne
was born poor but d*ed rich
and unhappy.
How'd he make his money?
Businessman.
- What kind of business?
- Promise you won't laugh?
Me? Come on.
He invented the pay toilet.
Mark. Mark, you promised.
The pay toilet?
You gotta be kidding me.
I'm not kidding.
He made a lot of money with it.
He was trying to keep it a secret.
He felt it was beneath him.
"Beneath him."
That's great, Jonathan.That's great.
How about, he wanted to keep a
secret, why didn't he keep a lid on it?
Or-- Or, he put in a dime,
got dealt a flush.
Went right in the t*nk.
- Mark.
- What?
Now you know
why he wanted to keep it a secret.
Right, right.
- May I help you?
- Yes, we're here about
- the butler and chauffeur jobs.
- Oh, yeah.
The position of chauffeur is open,
if references are in order.
But the position of butler
has been filled.
By you, right, Max?
You know my name?
Oh, you bet I do.
I mean, you don't look
like the old Max,
but you are the old Max.
Are you...?
Yes, I am.
What are you doing here?
This is my assignment.
This assignment was a mistake
and you know it.
I don't care.
I've got it and I'll handle it.
You're trying to wreck their marriage.
I'm taking over.
Over my dead body.
That was stupid, wasn't it?
Yes, it was.
So was your coming here.
I'm here and I'm staying
until the boss pulls the plug.
There's nothing you can do about it.
Besides, he's my son.
Who better to watch over him?
- Look, Max, I want you to listen to me.
- No, you listen.
He married the maid.
He could have had his pick
and he married the maid.
- You don't call that a mistake?
- And you told him that once.
And I d*ed before I could get him
to listen. This time he's gonna listen.
I want a grandchild.
And if Stanley doesn't want one
with this wife, I'll find him another.
Your friend can have
the chauffeur's job.
And you can stay
and keep an eye on me.
You'll see I'm doing the right thing
for my son.
He was mad.
His face got all flushed.
Cute.
Time, Max?
Twenty-one eighteen
with two laps to go, sir.
Running, running.
Hi, Max.
Smith, haven't you given up yet?
I was about to ask you
the same thing.
You're wasting your time.
It's my assignment and I'll handle it.
Suit yourself.
You're gonna have to pay the piper.
I'm prepared for that. Once my son
is married to the proper woman.
They sent me here to get you, Max.
What are they gonna do to me?
I'm already dead.
Look at him with his number one.
He doesn't run against anybody,
he just runs.
I give him credit, though.
- He's kept the place up.
- His wife kept it up.
All right, she's efficient.
Why shouldn't she be?
She was the maid.
She's a drudge.
- Unsensuous, unglamourous.
- And his wife. She's his wife, Max.
Not for long.
I'm gonna straighten out his life.
I'm gonna get him a wife
with breeding.
I'm gonna get a grandson
to carry on my name.
I'm gonna give Stanley some drive.
You know what my son
does for a living?
Nothing.
He just runs.
I want a grandchild
and he's k*lling his sperm.
He doesn't know who you really are,
does he?
No. I don't look the same.
I didn't see any reason to tell him.
You didn't tell him because
you're afraid he won't listen.
- That's nonsense.
- Oh, is it?
He didn't listen to you
in the church that last day, did he?
Well, he's a little older now.
Now he knows I was right.
He knows he had lousy judgement.
So now you're gonna pick
the right kind of woman for him.
That's right.
And what kind of woman
is the right kind for Stanley?
That kind.
Nel Pritchard.
Beautiful, worldly,
and as rich as Stanley.
Well, almost.
They used to play together
when they were kids.
Haven't seen each other for years.
But when Nel woke up this morning,
she just had to see him.
Max, you ought to be ashamed.
Really, you ought to be ashamed
of yourself.
Using this stuff to promote an affair
between that woman and your son.
I am ashamed,
but I'll get over it.
Stanley.
Nel.
It must be, what, years?
Hello, Stanley.
I didn't know you ran.
As a matter of fact,
I know you didn't run.
Well, it's been a few years now.
Really? I'm impressed.
Well, you look wonderful.
Well, thanks. So do you.
But then you always did.
Oh, Stanley.Thank you.
You were always so sweet.
How's your wife?
Constance, fine.
How's Gerard?
Gerard is no more.
Oh, he's dead?
Gerard was always dead.
He's just not mouldering in
my house anymore. We're divorced.
Are you still living in the old place?
Yes, and it's so big and empty
without a man living in it.
Yeah, it's a nice house.
We used to play hide-and-go-seek
there. Remember?
Yes, of course I do.
And when you'd find me,
you'd get a kiss.
Yeah.
I used to let you find me.
You did? I didn't know that.
I was too embarrassed. I didn't
want you to know how I felt about you.
Listen.
I'm having a party.
I want you to come. Saturday.
- Say you will.
- I don't know.
Bring Constance, of course.
Okay.
Good, good.
I wasn't gonna come this way.
I'm glad I did.
- Home, Jimmy.
- Yes, madam.
Bye.
It's working like a charm.
- I'm gonna stop you, Max.
- You can't.
I'm gonna get a grandson,
I'm gonna get a grandson.
Max?
I'm gonna tell your son
who you really are
and what you're trying to do.
Give it up by sundown or
Stanley and I are gonna have a talk.
Until then, Max.
Smith?
Would you please listen to me?
I know what's best for my son.
Max?
What are you doing?
I was praying, sir.
You always pray this loud?
Well, you know the old saying:
The squeaky wheel gets the most oil.
Yeah, my father used to say that.
We better get you into a warm shower,
sir. You don't wanna cramp up.
Oh, hi.
Are you the new driver?
Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Richbourne.
- What's your name?
- I'm Mark Gordon, ma'am.
I feel like a drive, Mark.
Nice day for it.
Anywhere special, ma'am?
No, no place special.
You look like you could use a lift.
I know it's none of my business.
My mom always used to buy a hat.
Did she?
Oh, yeah.
It used to pick her right up.
Did it?
Yeah, if she had enough money,
she'd go whole hog.
Get a bag, a dress, a pair of shoes.
If she was really flush,
really flush,
she would add a manicure,
a facial, hairstyle.
She would go home a different lady.
Looking good and feeling good.
I haven't been shopping
in a long time.
Any place special, ma'am?
Yes, downtown.
We'll start at Magnin's.
Yes, ma'am.
How do you feel, sir?
Great. I was flying out there
today, Max.
- You can just put that over there.
- Yes, sir.
You know,
- my father's name was Max.
- Was it?
Yes. You don't look
anything like him, though.
He was shorter and fat.
He built this place, though.
- Stocked it with the finest--
- Finest horseflesh money could buy.
Yes.
You sound just like him.
"The Richbourne estate,
Of the best grazing in the state.
Yes, that's just
what he would have said.
Would he?
How's Miss Pritchard?
I just saw her.
You know Nel Pritchard?
Yes, all her life.
You were playmates
when you were children.
You loved her.
No, I didn't.
How--? How did you know that?
I'm your father, Stanley.
Would you like to throw up now?
Ma'am.
Mark.
Mrs. Richbourne?
Thank you, Mark.
Mr. Richbourne
is going to be very pleased.
I'm not used to all this.
Do you think the ring
and the bracelet are too much?
Maybe I should return the ring.
No, no, no, don't. A man likes it.
A little glamour in his woman.
Oh, some of them pretend,
like, you know:
"Hey, what have you gone
and done to yourself now?"
But they love it.
He's gonna love this.
You're a nice man, Mark.
Pretty good, huh?
Hell of a house I left you,
you have to admit that.
You sure you don't wanna
sh**t some pool?
A man with wings
and a computer, right?
If you're looking for logic,
I can't help you.
If you're looking for Nel Pritchard,
I can help.
Look, I want you out of here.
You are dismissed.
A man doesn't fire his father.
My father is dead and gone.
I grant you "dead."
How about forgotten?
You don't bear the slightest
resemblance to my father.
Your mother named you Ralph.
I said, "Ralph is out."
She said, "Ralph is in."
I said, "Okay, Ralph is in,
in the middle. His name is Stanley."
After Stanley Livingston.
My father would never come back
as a butler.
You take what's available.
Stanley Ralph Richbourne.
I was determined
to give you everything.
My father d*ed
the day I was married.
You d*ed the day you were married.
Your father came back,
you can come back.
You blew it with Nel Pritchard.
I don't want you to do it again.
Now, how many grandchildren
do I have?
- I haven't the faintest idea.
- None.
If you'd married Nel Pritchard,
you'd have spent your life
in the bedroom
and I would have had
grandchildren by now.
Now, now, look, whoever you are--
- Try"Dad," just for the sound of it.
- This is ridiculous.
Nel Pritchard's no baby machine.
How many children does she have?
She married the wrong man,
you married the wrong woman.
- How dare you.
- This is not news.
I told you once. I d*ed telling you.
Nel is back in the picture.
- Not by accident.
- What?
I got you two together.
And she invited you to her party.
You knew?
Oh, my God.
- I'd go, kid.
- Oh, my God.
You are.
- I am.
- You are.
And I wouldn't tell Constance
about this if I were you.
She'll think you're crazy.
All right, Max.
Time's up.
Now, do you wanna tell him
or should I?
You're a little late, Smith.
Stanley,
give your dad a kiss.
Evening, dear.
What do you think?
Of what?
You haven't looked at me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well?
Yes, I'm well.
When I said "well,"
I didn't mean, "Are you well?"
I meant:
Well, how do you like my dress?
It's new.
Oh, it's very nice.
You can wear it to Nel Pritchard's.
Nel Pritchard's?
Yeah, she's giving a party
Saturday night. We're invited.
I'd like to go.
Well?
No,
I'm not well.
Dinner, kid.
What is this, snails?
- Escargot. I thought you'd like it.
- I don't eat snails.
The cook was fixing you
spaghetti and-
My special drink.
I smelled it. It stank.
And spaghetti is fattening.
Spaghetti has carbos
and the drink has zinc in it.
Runners need carbos and zinc.
You got horses around here
up the kazoo, and you're a runner.
It's a poor man's sport, kid.
For a man who made his money
in the pay toilet,
you've got a lot of pretensions.
I'll get my own dinner.
It won't work, Max.
This thing with Nel Pritchard
didn't fly once and it won't fly now.
Sure it will.
She didn't get much money
in the divorce. She likes money.
Stanley has a lot of money.
I'm willing to give it a sh*t.
My biggest problem is getting him
to act like a man instead of a little kid,
running all over the place.
- You don't know your son, do you?
- Of course I do.
No, no. If you did,
you'd know why he's running.
Stanley hasn't accomplished anything
in his whole life on his own.
Never set any goals.
Well, now he has,
to be a great runner.
He needs that for his self-esteem
so he can feel like a man.
I don't want him to feel like a man,
I want him to feel like a father.
So I can feel like a grandfather.
Listen, I'm gonna need
a little miracle.
I mean, you parted the Red Sea.
This is a lot easier.
Thanks.
- How you doing, Stanley?
- Oh, it's you, the angel.
Leave me alone, okay?
- Are you training for the race?
- What race?
The big one,
the Apple Blossom , .
You gotta be kidding.
That's a world-class race.
It's a charity race.
Anybody can enter.
Yeah, it'll be a little embarrassing.
Why? What's your time in the , ?
Oh, about minutes.
Well, world-class time
is , minutes.
- You see what I mean?
- Who were you running against?
- What?
- When you had your best time,
- who were you racing against?
- Nobody.
I mean, running's a private thing
for me. I just do it for myself.
Come on, you can't tell
how good you are if you run alone.
People don't set records
without competition.
Yeah, well, I'm not interested
in setting records.
- Afraid, huh?
- What?
To compete.
I know a lot of people like that.
- You don't compete, you don't lose.
- Look, I just told you.
I know what you told me.
Don't make a big deal out of it.
- If you're afraid, you're afraid.
- I'm not afraid.
Then race me.
- What?
- Just you and me.
Come on, I'm an angel.
If you lose, who am I gonna tell?
Okay.
Let's go.
I really appreciate this.
I b*at him.
That felt great.
Great.
Take a look at your time.
How'd you get here?
You never passed me.
I'm an angel, remember?
Take a look at your time.
I don't wanna look.
Yes, you do.Take a look.
That's wrong. You messed up.
I didn't mess up, that's right.
That's your time. Honest angel.
I don't believe it. That's my time?
That's impossible.
No, it isn't.
Well, if you'll excuse the expression,
I think we are going in
the pay toilet on this one.
First of all, she gets a whole redo,
he doesn't even notice it.
Now you and Stanley
are running all over the country
for no apparent reason.
Now I have to drive both of them
to the Pritchard woman's party tonight.
That doesn't exactly sound to me
like Cupid-type work.
Yeah, well, it's not over
till it's over.
Oh, Yogi Berra double talk.
Look, I'm serious.
Max set this whole party thing up,
and I am driving Stanley
right into that woman's arms.
Mark, will you trust me?
I'll be at the party.
I'll keep an eye on things.
How'd you get invited?
I didn't. I'll be the invisible guest.
Well, in that case,
I won't see you there.
Stan, why don't you go yourself?
She invited both of us.
She invited you.
I'm not welcome there.
Oh, Connie.
I'm a usurper, Stan,
above my station.
The maid putting on airs.
Ten years, I've never been invited
to one of their houses.
So?
So you're the handsome man
of the manor.
Yeah, whose father made his money
on the pay toilet.
Well,
I'm gonna show him.
What do you mean,
"you're gonna show him"?
The Apple Blossom , .
I'm gonna win it.
Stan, that's crazy.
Why? Because I've never done
anything in my life?
Well, I'm going to now.
I'm gonna win that race. I can.
But you've never ever run
in a race before.
You can't win.
Why couldn't you have said:
"Go for it. You can do it"?
Why couldn't you have said that?
"You can't win, Stanley."
Not very supportive.
- I'll show her. I'll show all of them.
- Sure you will.
But who wants to share the glory
with someone who's not behind you?
Yeah.
At the party tonight,
why don't you tell Nel Pritchard
you're gonna win that race?
See what her reaction is.
Nel?
Remember, son,
behind every great man,
there's a great woman.
- Thank you.
- I'd love some of these.
Stanley.
Stanley, darling,
I'm so glad you're here.
You're alone.
I so wanted your wife to come.
Oh, no, no,
this is my wife, Constance.
Constance, Nel.
Forgive me. I didn't notice
she was standing there. How are you?
I'm fine.
I love your dress. I love it.
Thank you.
I always say,
if you have a favourite dress, wear it,
no matter how out of style it gets.
Is...?
- Where's your powder room?
- It's right through there, dear.
I'll be right back.
- I'll wait for you, honey.
- Stanley, come on.
- Nel, I told--I told her I'd wait.
- Stanley, it'll only take a minute.
- I wanna show you something.
- Okay.
Nel. Nel, wait. Constance--
She won't miss you
for a few minutes.
All those handsome men...
Yeah, but she's all by herself.
Stanley, she'll be just fine.
A woman needs
a little room to breathe.
You have to give her a little space.
Remember this room?
You and I used to dance together
right here.
Yeah, with your father watching.
I don't think he thought
too much of me.
- I thought a lot of you.
- You did?
Well, how come
you married Gerard?
I was young and foolish. I thought--
You thought Gerard had
a lot more money than he had.
It doesn't matter what I thought.
- I was devastated.
- Were you?
I guess we all make mistakes.
Let's sit.
So tell me what you've been doing.
Nothing that would interest you
very much, I'm sure.
Stanley, everything you do
interests me.
It does?
Well, I've been running.
Running?
Has someone been chasing you?
Running.
Tell me all about it.
I'm gonna run
in the Apple Blossom , .
Against those runners
from around the world?
Yeah.
I guess you don't think
I have much of a chance.
Au contraire, I think you can do
anything you set your mind to.
- You do?
- Of course I do.
And you know what else I think?
- What?
- I think you're gonna win.
- You do?
- Yes.
Stanley, this is so exciting.
I'll tell just everybody.
You'll have a whole contingent
at the finish line.
Oh, Stanley.
Constance.
Your little plan backfired,
didn't it, Smith?
And you know why?
Because he married the wrong woman
and now he knows it.
Nel's a phoney. She'll say anything
he wants to hear. She's a gold digger.
Yep. And she's fertile and desirable,
and I'm gonna be a grandfather.
Good night, Smith.
I'm sorry, Smith. The new
memory banks aren't ready yet.
I was hoping you'd have
that glitch fixed by now.
He's got me over a barrel.
I need a backup.
Well, I'll see who's available.
That figures.
Look who this piece of clunk gave me.
Sarah Richbourne.
Sarah Richbourne?
Yeah, Max's wife.
She d*ed about five years after he d*ed.
Let's try her.
Come on, we never assign relatives.
And you want two relatives?
- Hey, Stanley was her son too.
- And his wife.
Come on, what choice do we have?
Okay. I think you're asking for trouble,
but you've got it.
Con,
I missed you last night.
The first time we haven't
slept together in years.
I'm sorry.
If you don't wanna come today,
I don't blame you.
Good luck.
Excuse me, ma'am.
I came to make up the room.
I thought you'd gone to the race.
I can come back later.
No. No, that's all right. Go on.
- You're new.
- Yes, ma'am. My name is Sarah.
Sarah.
That was my mother-in-law's name.
At least she liked me.
I beg your pardon, ma'am?
Oh, nothing.
I was just talking to myself.
I'm surprised you're not at the race.
It's a big day for your husband.
He doesn't need me there.
Well, probably not, if he wins.
But a man tends to need his wife
when he loses.
Losses are harder to take alone.
He has someone there
to take care of him.
If you mean Nel Pritchard,
she'll take care of him, all right.
How do you know
about Nel Pritchard?
Everyone knows.
But what I can't figure out
is why you're taking this lying down.
You used to have
a lot more guts than that.
That's why I liked you.
You even stood up
to my loudmouth husband.
Your husband?
Max.
Max, the butler?
No, Max,
your dead father-in-law.
- Hi. How are you?
- You brought everybody with you?
Hi. Welcome.
Stanley. Everybody's here.
Runners on the starting line.
Runners on the starting line.
On your mark.
Mark, I changed my mind.
Let's get to the race.
Yes, ma'am.
Get up, Stanley.
- Come on, get up.
- Why?
- I can't win. I broke my toe.
- Well, who cares if you can win it?
You can finish it. For once in your life,
you can finish something you started.
But I can't win.
You don't become a man
by winning all the time.
You become a man by learning
how to handle your defeats.
By not giving up, no matter what.
Oh, go back to heaven, will you?
You know, Stanley,
your father was right.
You have no guts.
That's why he cares more about
a grandson than he does you.
I'll show him who has no guts.
Here comes the winner.
Come on, Stanley. Stanley.
Come on, Stanley!
It's not Stanley.
He'll probably come in second.
I'm not quitting, Max.
You hear me?
I'm not quitting.
Come on, Stanley!
Come on, Stanley. Stanley.
Not Stanley either.
Well, I'm for home. Goodbye, all.
Don't go yet. I'm gonna go find him.
Leave him alone, Max.
Madam, I don't know
who you are, but--
I'm Sarah. Sarah, your wife?
- Sarah?
- Right.
I'm on this assignment too.
And for once in your life,
leave him alone.
Why not? He's quit again as usual.
Just one more mile, Stanley.
I can't. I can't make it.
Your father said you'd quit.
I did it! I did it!
- Home, Jimmy.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Well, there she goes.
- Yes.
And good riddance to bad rubbish.
There he is.
- I'll go get him.
- No.
Well, you were right.
I'm so humiliated.
- And I'm so proud of you.
- For what?
Finishing last?
For finishing.
Don't you realise how much guts
it took to go on the way you did?
Well, I would have done better,
but I think I broke my toe.
So you'll get them the next time
or the time after.
You'll be here to cheer me on?
You bet I will.
I didn't think he could do it.
I didn't think he had the guts.
Well, you never gave him a chance
to show you.
You know your problem, Max?
You never gave yourself any credit,
and you figured your son
didn't deserve any either.
Why should I give myself
any credit?
I was the laughingstock.
The man who got rich
on the pay toilet.
You thought of it, didn't you?
Yeah.
You mean,
it never embarrassed you?
A lot of things about you
embarrassed me.
That wasn't one of them.
You ready to go up now?
Yeah.
You know, Sarah,
I didn't know you d*ed
until I got back down here.
Yup. It's been five years.
You know, in all those five years,
we never saw each other once.
- Doesn't that seem strange to you?
- No, Max.
That's why they call it heaven.
- Sarah.
- We'll talk it over, Max.
We got a lot of time.
Well, looks like old Max
is gonna get a grandkid after all.
All's well that ends well.
You're all set now.
Everything's running smooth.
- What took so long?
- Hey, this was a tough one.
It was the memory bank.
Yeah, we had to replace
all the memory banks.
Really?
Well, thanks for the memories.