04x01 - Death in a Funny Position

[bunniefuu]

Would you
look at this?

Should you be coming up?
Sun's up.

I found a piece of gum
under the table.

Oh, for goodness
sake's, Kraus,

a stick of gum
is a nickel,
buy it fresh.

Daddy, it's the last
two weeks of summer,

you don't expect me to face
a whole year of school
without a vacation, do you?

Well, honey, you could
go to your Aunt Mildred's
for a week.

Oh, gag me with a spoon.

Oh, Governor,
you do have

The State of
the State address
in two weeks.

Yeah, but Katie's right.

Listen, I've got it!

Let's all go to
the Lumber Mill for
a working vacation.

Mmm! Gag me with a spoon.

What about
a millionaire's yacht?

Oh, I forgot
all about that.

A millionaire's yacht?

Yeah! Remember we had
James K. Cannon to
dinner a while ago?

BENSON: Yeah, yeah. Go on.

Well, he offered me
the use of his yacht,
off the California coast,

anytime we wanted!

Yeah, but
did he mean it?

Yeah! He called up
last week to ask
when we were going.

Well, hook my ankles!
Let's go!

(KRAUS YODELING)

We're bringing
our own dingy.

Hey, what happened
to my gum?

Ooh!
This is some ship!

Boat.

This must have cost
Mr. Cannon a pretty penny.

Suppose.

How long have you
been first mate?

A while.

Don't talk much, do you?

Boy, he's creepy.

Ja, sailors get that way
when they don't
eat enough limes.

I've assigned the cabins,

and the keys are here
on the bulkhead.

They're all labeled.

If you need anything,
I'll be on the bridge.

Oh, excuse me, Captain.
Where is the kitchen?

(LAUGHS) On a boat,
the kitchen is
called a galley.

In a mansion, the kitchen
is called no-man's-land.

Oh, incidentally, I almost
forgot to tell you.

Mr. Cannon and some friends
will be sailing with us.

Oh, good.
Is he on board now?
Not yet.

This way, Miss Kraus.
I'll show you to the galley.

Mr. Nash, what did you bring
those things in here for?

Take them below.
Aye.

I hate breaking in
a new crew.

Daddy, look at
all these daggers.

Oh, yes, Mr. Cannon collects
th century pirate weaponry.

oh, I'd have
loved to have been
a swashbuckler...

Jean Laffite, Captain Kidd,
Long John Silver.

Who's your
favorite pirate, Benson?

Willie Stargell.

Look, one's missing.

Oh, yes, probably on loan
to a museum somewhere.

The Cannon collection's
famous worldwide.

I'm going to explore.

Be careful, honey.
Okay.

...and then I'll rub oil
all over you.

Governor. Benson.

Uh, this is my swimsuit.

Oh, how do you do?
This is my shirt.

These are
the Governor's trousers.

Would you hurry up?
We're gonna lose the sun.

All right. All right.

Oh, Benson, I am
really looking forward
to this cruise.

I wonder if we're gonna
have fish for dinner.

Well, we're in
the right neighborhood.

Oh!

Benson, look!

Well, bless my soul.
It's a key.

No, hold on.
Look at the name...

Gabrielle Simone,
the movie star.

Oh, I loved her
in Town of Mutants.

Did you see that movie?

No, I must have missed it.

Did you see
Radioactive Women?

Gee, I guess
I missed that, too.

I'm gonna have to break down
and get cable TV.

Oh, I've always had
such a crush
on Gabrielle Simone.

Ahoy there, mateys.

Well, we've all been
piped aboard.

The gear is stowed below.

We should be
casting off with
the changing of the tide.

Well, the captain's here.

I wonder where
Mr. Green Jeans is.

Ah, Governor.
Mr. Cannon.

Oh, please,
call me "Jimmy."

Thank you, Jimmy.

This is Clayton Endicott,
Chief of staff.

Benson DuBois,
Budget Director.

How do you do, sir?
Thank you for
having us aboard.

Yes, well,
make yourselves
comfortable.

I'll see you at dinner.
I have to talk
to the captain.

We'll shove off as soon as
Miss Simone and Mr. Lucas
are on board.

Gabrielle Simone.

I wonder who
this guy Lucas is.

Who cares?

He's obviously
referring to
Roy Lucas.

Oh, right, Roy Lucas.
He's the one that coaches

the basketball team
that Cannon owns.

Basketball team is just
the tip of the iceberg.

Cannon also owns
cattle ranches,

real estate, racehorses,
trucking companies.

He must be
very hard to shop for.

All my life I have dreamed
of meeting Gabrielle Simone.

I wouldn't dare tell you

the fantasy I've had
about this woman.

Oh, really? He finally
has a good story,
and he won't tell us.

No, no.

Mr. Cannon.

What are you doing here?

Looking for you.

Well, you've seen me,
so goodbye.

Don't play games
with me, Cannon.

After all, what good
is all that money

if a person doesn't
have his health?

CANNON: I've told your people
they will get their money,
and they will.

I know.
They're tired of waiting.

If you don't mind,
we're about to sail.

I'm sailing with you

just in case you have
any ideas about
not coming back.

Look, Musker,
I threw you out
of my film studio.

I can throw you
off my yacht.

When are you
gonna learn, Cannon?

We are a big organization.

You can run,
but you can't hide.

Suit yourself.

Oh, I will.
Don't you worry, Mr. Cannon.

I will.

Benson, you should
see the galley...

Quick, Kraus,
put your arms
around me.

What? What?
Don't ask. Don't ask.

Kraus, unhand me.
What are you doing?

Your lust cheapens
our relationship.

I think a toast
is in order.

To the lovely lady
who prepared

this evening's sumptuous meal,
Miss Gretchen Kraus.

ALL: Hear!

KRAUS: Thank you.

You see, Benson, some people
appreciate my cooking.

Some people didn't
have the potatoes.

Oh, Katie,
you're falling asleep.

I'll tuck you in.
Would you excuse us, please?

Good night, everybody.
ALL: Good night!

Sleep well.

What a lovely little girl.

So are you.

I mean, you're lovely.
You're not little
by any means.

Could you pass your buns?

Uh, sir...

Everybody needs starch.

Would you care for
some more wine, sir?

Yes.

And a lovely wine it is,
Mr. Cannon.

Unless my palate deceives me,
it's a Chateau Leone '.

Our host has a taste
for the best

that money can buy.

Except when it comes
to basketball players.

Mr. Lucas, you got
some wonderful talent
there on the cougars.

Let me tell you
something, pal.
What?

Those bums shouldn't even be
playing junior college ball.

Well, I know sometimes
it seems that way.

So, why don't you
just butt out?

Yeah, well, actually,
baseball is my game.

Uh, I think
Clayton's right.

This is a terrific wine.

Thank you, Governor.
It's my pride.

I have an entire collection
of Chateau Leone...

through .

Of course, the '
was the hardest to get

and the most expensive.

What's so important
about ?

Well, on its own,
not much, but it
completes my collection.

Jimmy loves
collecting things.

It's his only real passion.

Well, if you'll all
excuse me,

I think I'll take a walk
in the night air.

Yeah, it's been
a long day.

Maybe I'll turn in
early, too.

Why don't
we move to the bar

and make ourselves
more comfortable?

May I offer anyone
cigars, brandy?

Nash.

Uh, so, you're
the budget director, eh?

That's right.
What's your line?

I run a family business.

That's a good line.

Captain Yost.
Aye, sir?

Could you estimate
our time of arrival in Baja?

Yeah, we should be there
in about, oh, hours...

Sometime late
tomorrow morning.

Fine. Thank you.

Benson, you said
something earlier

about the young talent
on my basketball team.

Yeah. Give us
your expert opinion, ace.

You misunderstood me.

I was talking about
the cheerleaders.

Well, Mr. Cannon,

rumor has it you're thinking
of selling the cougars.

What'd you say?

Clayton, never give
a nasty drunk bad news.

Where'd you heard that?

Uh, Benson,
where'd you say...
Uh, just a rumor.

And what
a nasty rumor it is.

I'm shocked to hear him
repeat it.

You never told me anything
about selling the team.

Take it easy, Roy.
We'll talk about it later.

I don't want to talk
about it later.

I want to talk
about it now.

Well, well, Cannon,
selling the team.

That should solve
a lot of your problems.

Look, Musker,
you weren't invited,
so shut up.

Welcome to
the love boat.

Looks like
pleasant conversation
has come to an end.

I think I'll turn in
for the night. Gentlemen.

Miss, uh, Simone.

Maybe we should all
turn in.

No, no, please.
Don't let this
spoil your fun.

Actually, I'm not
having any fun.

I'm sorry, everybody.
I should talk to Mr. Musker.

I'll see you all
in the morning.

Good night.

Oh, Mr. Musker
forgot his glasses.

I'll give them to him.
Thank you. Good night.

BENSON: Good night.

I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. Lucas.

I was sure you'd know
about the sale of the team.

Lousy rat.
I beg your pardon?

I think he means Cannon.

Oh, well,
that's all right, then.

I had it all.
I could have been
one of the best.

Roy, don't do this
to yourself.

Look, baby,
you got what you wanted.

Just stay out of my life.

Well...

Good night, everyone.

Good night.

What was that
all about?

I don't know,
and I don't want to know.

So, now he's gonna
sell the team.

I guess I can
always go back to
work for my uncle,

k*lling bugs for a living.

All thanks
to Mr. J.K. Cannon.

Mr. Lucas,
I'm sure Mr. Cannon
meant no harm.

Are you kidding?

That man doesn't give
a damn about anybody.

My life isn't the only one
he's ruined. Ask Gabby.

Someday, it's all gonna
blow up right in his face.

I sure hope you're around
when it happens.

Yeah.

Well, this has been
quite an evening.

I'll say. You should
have seen her in
Radioactive Women.

She glowed in the dark.

Ahh.

Kraus.

Oh, Mr. Cannon,
you startled me.

Kraus, I need you.

Oh, well, I...
This is so sudden.

I mean,
you're a millionaire,

und I'm just a housekeeper,
a good housekeeper.

Oh!

Mr. Cannon,
you're so impetuous.

It must be the ocean air,
the moonlight.

It is very romantic,
I will admit.

But what about Gabrielle?

What would she think
if she saw me

here in your arms
in the moonlight

with a knife
in your back?

There's a knife
in your back!

(SCREAMS)

Aah! Benson!

Governor! Benson!

KRAUS: Over there!

Right over there,
that is where it happened.

Oh, it was
horrible, horrible.

Kraus, what was horrible?
What happened?

Where did he go?

Where did who go?

Mr. Cannon!

I left him lying
right there with
a knife in his back.

Miss Kraus,
there's nobody there.

But he was dead.
He was dead, Governor.

You must believe me.

He had a dagger in his back,
und it had a skull on it.

Could you guys
hold it down out here?

You're ruining
the atmosphere.

Kraus thinks
Cannon was m*rder*d.

I don't think.
I know.

I don't think
you know, either.

Gretchen, that's terrible.
You poor thing!

Something wrong,
Governor?

Somebody k*lled
Mr. Cannon.
What?

They stabbed him in the back,
und he fell down,

und then they must...

They must have thrown
his body overboard.

Man overboard!
Nash, bring her about!

Here, you take over
the searchlight.

The rest of you
look around the boat.

Be sure Mr. Cannon
is not onboard.

I'll go up
to the bridge.

Take Miss Kraus
into the lounge.

Pete, you take the port side.
Clay, you take the starboard.

I'll search below.

Benson, if you
see anything, call.

Don't worry. If I see
a dead body floating out here,

you'll hear from me.

It's horrible, horrible.

It's all right,
Miss Kraus.

Did anybody
see anything?

No.

If Cannon's still onboard,
he's well hidden.

It's a terrible thing.

DENISE: Benson,
did you see anything?

Lots and lots of water.
No Cannon.

Well, I suggest
we anchor and maintain
our position until daylight.

I'll go radio
the authorities.

It seems everything's
under control.

Aren't we
overlooking something?

And just exactly
what would that be?

If Cannon was stabbed,
then somebody on
this boat is a m*rder*r.

(GASPS) Katie!

Oh, Miss Kraus,
I hardly think
that's likely.

No, no, I mean
she's in her room
all alone.

Oh, well,
I'd better go, too.

Perhaps it would be
a good idea for us all

to go to our cabins
for the night.

I think we'd all be
better off right here

where we can keep
an eye on him.

How'd you like to go for
a moonlight swim, Musker?

Roy, don't.

Mr. Musker,
Roy couldn't have done it.

He was with me.

Don't lie for me, Gabby.
I don't need that.

Wait a minute.
Maybe she's lying for herself.

All right, all right.
Take it easy.

Huh.

Pete, I'm scared.
Aren't you?

Nah, not really.
I'm fine.

(GASPS)

Katie's all right.

But somebody
better tuck Pete in.

I'm gonna walk Denise
down to her cabin.

She's a little jumpy.

I'll walk with you.

That's okay.
We can handle it
by ourselves.

Miss Simone, I'll be
happy to escort you.

No, no, Governor,
let me handle this.

You come along with me,
Miss Simone.

I've got it, sir.

Clayton really blew it
for me, Benson.

He may have
saved your life.

Did you ever stop
to think she might
be the m*rder*r?

Gabby?
Oh, don't be sil...

So what's she gonna do,
lure me to her cabin,

smother me
in a passionate embrace,
and then k*ll me?

It's possible.

It beats a heart attack
on the golf course.

CAPTAIN:
Governor. Governor.

Yes, Captain,
this is the Governor.

Somebody sabotaged
the radio.

Could you say that again?
I couldn't hear you.

The radio is out.

We'll have to wait
until morning to
notify the authorities.

Thank you, Captain.

Some vacation...

Stuck at sea with no radio

and a k*ller
somewhere on the boat.

Well, there's
one thing, Benson,

the k*ller
can't get away.

Mmm-hmm.
Neither can we.

(DOOR OPENS)

Aah!

Benson, I thought we agreed
that we were gonna
stay in our rooms.

I just came out to see
what the noise was.

What was it?

You.

I have a little
upset stomach, you know,

and I thought I'd go
up to the lounge
and get some soda water.

You want me
to go with you?

No. Oh, no.
I'm fine.

Mmm-hmm.

So, what do you think?

About what?
Who the m*rder*r is?

Well, Governor,
I really don't care.

All I want to do is
get back on land and
let the police handle this.

GOVERNOR: I think it's Lucas.

BENSON: No way. It's Musker.

GOVERNOR: Really?

BENSON: I think so.

Earlier I heard
him and Cannon
having an argument.

GOVERNOR: Cannon?

BENSON: Cannon owed him
some money.

Lucas was really angry.
I think it's him.

KRAUS: You're both wrong.

It's the captain.

(SCOFFS) The captain?

Ja.

I saw this movie once

where the chauffeur
was the k*ller.

The captain has
the same kind of evil eyes.

Well, Miss Kraus,
you can't judge a maniac
by appearances.

Otherwise, they would
have put you away
a long time ago.

Fine.
Don't believe me.

Well, I better go
get the soda water.

Okay.

Tell Miss Kraus
she'll be safer if she
stays in her room.

We'll all be safer
if she stays in her room.

KRAUS: I hear you!

Good.
You saved me the trip.

CAPTAIN: Governor.
(SIGHS)

What are you
doing up here?

Oh, I came down
for some gas.

I mean, I came down...

Yes, well, you know,
you shouldn't be
roaming around.

I suggest you go back
to your cabin
and lock yourself in.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

I think I found something.
What?

You see this dagger?
Yeah.

It wasn't there before,

and it exactly matches
the description of the dagger

Miss Kraus said she found
sticking in Cannon's back.

I never heard
any description
of the knife.

Oh, yeah. She said
it had a skull on it
just like this.

And it would have been
much easier

to throw the knife overboard
along with Cannon's body.

Well, if you ask me,
the whole thing's a mystery.

You better get back
to your cabin.

Oh, I will, just as soon as
I get this bottle opened.

Yeah. Good night.

Good night.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh.

I'll show this to Benson.

(WOOD CREAKING)

Benson?

Who is it?

What?

Come on, Governor, buddy,
come on!

MAN: Next week
on Benson...

There's a maniac on board.
I see his plan now.

He's going to k*ll us
all off in order
of social importance!

Aah! They got Benson!

(SOBBING) Benson!

It's all right,
it's all right,
it's all right!

It's all right!
It's all right, Kraus!

He's alive!
He's alive!

Not for long,
you're choking me!

Someone in this room
is a m*rder*r.