03x07 - Rainbow's End

[bunniefuu]

(dynamic instrumental music)

♪

(audience chuckling)

Oh, denise, I got out of that
Meeting late.

Call the airport,
Have them page elizabeth,

And tell her
I'm on my way.

Wait a minute,
I already took care of that.

When I saw you were
Gonna be late,

I figured I'd better get
Someone to pick her up.

Hm,
Fast thinking!

I sent pete.

Maybe too fast.

I told him
To use your car!

We have just left
The realm of thinking.

I told pete
To be careful.

That's not enough. Did you tell
Him not to eat in the car?

Did you tell him not to burn
Rubber at the stop lights?

Did you tell him to stay in the
Car until it stops?

(audience laughter)

No, but if he gets back,
I will.

Benson,
Why is the table gone?

That table spends all day
With kraus,

It's got legs,
Maybe it ran away.

(audience laughter)

Oh, you know,
I just thought of something.

How is pete
Gonna recognize elizabeth?

Oh, I gave him the same
Description you gave me.

Very attractive,
A beautiful smile,

And the kind of softness
That makes you want to hug her.

I'm sure
He'll bring back the right one.

Well who cares? As long as
She fits that description.

(audience laughter)

You better not spill that coffee
On my desk.

Is that what happened
To the table?

It was all beat-up.
It's out getting a new finish.

I don't suppose we could do
The same thing for you.

(audience laughter)

Oh, by the way, next thursday
Is clayton's birthday.

Are we planning
To do anything?

I'm planning
To call in sick.

I suppose
I'll have to make a cake.

I thought we could give him
A surprise party.

You want a real surprise?
I'll make the cake.

What cake?

Oh, next thursday
Is clayton's birthday.

Oh, I'll have to
Get him something.

You know,
Miss kraus,

I don't know what you've done
To the kitchen,

But I like it.
It looks so much bigger.

Uh, sir,
The kitchen table's not here.

(chuckling)

I'm so used to seeing
That darned thing,

I didn't even
Miss it.

You know, sometimes I wonder
If I'm all here.

(audience laughter)

What's taking
Pete so long?

Where'd he go?

Oh, he went to pick up
Benson's friend at the airport.

Oh, that's right,

The one who's coming
For the teachers' convention.

Oh, boy,
I'll bet you're excited.

How long's it been
Since you've seen her?

Must be years.

You're going to be
Disappointed, benson.

I had a reunion
With an old boyfriend once.

When we first met,
He was a tall, handsome soldier,

Und I was as pure
As the driven snow.

years later,
He was a short, dumpy clerk.

And you had turned
To slush.

(audience laughter)

Oh, I don't think
You'll be disappointed, benson.

I'll bet
When you two get together,

It'll be like nothing's changed.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward
To seeing her.

We had some great times
Together.

We spent most of our time
At a little jazz club

Called
The sweet potato.

I bet we put a thousand miles
On that little dance floor.

So that's where you put on
All that mileage.

I think he looks pretty good
For his age.

How old are you,
Benson?

♪well,
Let's put it this way,

Even though I'm no longer
Under warranty,

I can still handle
The curves.

I just wish you wouldn't park
In my kitchen.

I had to stop and get gas.

Hey, I'm back.

Did you find elizabeth?

I'm right here!

Hi, benson.

♪

You still live next door
To mrs. Neider?

Yeah, you remember
Her son rodney?

Yeah, that nasty, little kid
You used to babysit?

Well, now I teach
His nasty, little twins.

I hope they look
Like their mother.

No, you don't.
Did you know louise west?

That's their mother?
Uh-huh.

Ooh!

Poor kids.

I hope they're adopted.

You know, elizabeth,

I've been trying to figure out
A way to ease into this,

But I can't.

So I'm just gonna
Come right out and say it.

How did this happen
And when did it happen?

Well, it was .
It was stupid.

The roads were icy,
And I was driving too fast.

Hmm.

Why didn't you
Let me know?

What was I
Supposed to do?

Send you a postcard saying,
"Hi, I'm in a wheelchair.

Wish you were here."

Yeah, but you could have
Told me

When you called me
Last week.

I did. I told you I'd be
Rolling in around :.

(laughter)

Somehow, I was hoping it
Wouldn't make any difference.

Oh, it doesn't make
Any difference.

It's just that
You caught me off guard.

Look, I know
You're busy.

I just wanted to see you
While I was in town.

You are gonna let me
Buy you lunch, aren't you?

Now, that's a change
From the old days.

What does
That mean?

My mother still
Remembers you

As the guy who ate all
His meals at our house.

Oh, you're that elizabeth.
Uh-huh.

For that, you have to
Buy me dinner, too.

Okay.
You still like japanese food?

Benson, I can't go
To japanese restaurants anymore.

Why not?
They always want me
To take my wheels off.

(laughter)

Oh.

Well it's nice to see you have
A sense of humor about all this.

Well, you know,
When you're handicapped,

You can't afford
To be boring.

Come on. Join in.
Have some fun.

No, indeed. I don't compete
With sit-down comics.

That's the benson
I remember.

Come on.
Let's get something to eat.

That's the benson
My mother remembers.

My car is just outside.

I suppose
You'll be wanting to drive.

♪

Kraus, I'm busy.
What do you want me for?

We are having
A meeting.

Yeah, we're talking about
Clayton's birthday party.

You called me down here
For that?

The governor likes the idea
Of a surprise party.

We have to take a vote
On clayton's present.

I vote "No."

I told you
He'd feel that way.

Come on, benson,
Help us decide.

I still think it would be best
To get him a gift certificate.

That's so impersonal.

I'm telling you,
We ought to get him a gag gift.

We could get a girl
To jump out of a cake.

Isn't that expensive?

Not necessarily.
Uh, denise?

I'm not jumping
Out of any cake!

Well, I have an idea.

Well, you're certainly
Not jumping out of any cake.

I was thinking
Of a golf bag.

(laughing) you're thinking
Of jumping out of a golf bag?

No, dummy,
I meant buy him a golf bag.

A golf bag
Doesn't sound bad.

How much do they run?

I saw one on sale
For $.

bucks
For an empty bag?!

When's the last time
You bought groceries?

It would be $. each
If we chip in.

Okay, I'll chip in.
Who'll go get it?

I'll get it if you guys
Will buy me some gas.

Okay, okay.
That's settled.

Now, are we talking
Party hats?

That's my department.

All in favor of party hats,
Raise their hand.

It's a tie.

What's a tie?

Uh, tie?
Oh, he didn't say "Tie."

He said "Pie."
"Fly."

Uh, right.
Uh, shoo-fly pie.

They really could have
Used you guys at watergate.

All right, what's wrong?
What aren't you telling me?

You don't want to know, clayton.
It'll only upset you.

Look, clayton, the governor
Wouldn't appreciate

Us talking to you about this,
So forget you heard anything.

Huh! Well, I'm confident
The governor will fill me in.

It goes without saying.

I am his
Most valued employee.

Am I not?

If you say so.
You got my vote.

Sure.
Absolutely.

The governor's not upset
With me, is he?

It's not the macintosh deal,
Is it?

Now that wasn't
My fault,

I realize someone
Has to take the blame,

But it should be macintosh.

And if the governor
Won't support me in this,

Well, he can have
My resignation.

Well just remember, clayton, you
Didn't hear it from any of us

Ugh! I hate this sour juice
In these rotten little cans!

Oh, that was close.

But fun.

I'm glad I stopped by.

Oh, benson,
I forgot to tell you.

Elizabeth called.

She wanted to know
If you were free for lunch.

Yeah,
I already talked to her.

Hey, hey, hey!
Another lunch, huh?

You haven't let her
Out of your sight

For three days,
Benson.

Pete, she's only here
For a week.

I'm just
Showing her the town.

She's a lovely girl, benson.
You could do a lot worse.

So could she.

I think you two
Make an adorable couple.

We're not a couple.

We're just friends,
Pals, buddies.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, now.

Nobody's given money
For the golf bag.

What's my share?
bucks.

$?!
I thought we said $..

Yeah, but you got to figure tax,
Gasoline for my car,

And, if I'm out that long,
I should get lunch.

Here's $
For the bag and tax.

Yeah, but what if I get--
Pack a lunch
And take the bus.

♪

You serve much better food
Than they do at my hotel.

How would you know,

You haven't eaten the food
At your hotel.

Yeah, but I've seen it
In the halls.

I'm gonna leave the dishes
For mrs. Loomis.

Oh, you have a maid?

No, a domestic engineer.

She comes in three days a week,
When she can remember.

Oh, look at you--

A maid,
A fancy apartment,

A big office
In the governor's mansion.

If I had known you were gonna
Be this successful,

I would never have
Let you get away.

What do you mean,
"Get away"?

You're the one who went
Traipsing off to grad school.

Yeah, but when I came back,
You were gone.

Well, I got a better job offer
In philadelphia.

Hmm.

That's one thing
We always shared.

What's that?

Lousy timing.

Yep.

You know,
These last few days

Have just been wonderful,
Benson.

Being with you is just
As I remember it.

I've enjoyed it, too.

Help me onto the couch.

Sure.

You know,
The teachers I came with

Have been teasing me
About you.

They've been working me over
Pretty good at the mansion, too.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Mmm. Thanks.
I needed that.

What'd they say?

You know, the usual --

How we make a cute couple,
Stuff like that.

Yeah?
What did you tell them?

I told them
We were just pals, buddies.

You shouldn't lie
To your friends.

Huh?

♪

Kraus!

Don't bother me, benson!

I have two more layers
To do.

That's an awful lot
Of makeup, isn't it?

(audience laughter)

I am baking a cake.

Today is
Clayton's birthday.

Oh.
Have you seen denise?

Yeah, she went to the storeroom
For the party decorations.

What?
On government time?

You know, you're getting to be
More and more like clayton.

Kraus, that's a cheap shot.

Thank you, benson.

Oh!

I found some party hats
And a box of decorations!

Where are we gonna
Have the party?

Benson's office.

Benson who?

That's a perfect place
For the party.

Clayton would never
Suspect--

Don't you people ever get tired
Of talking behind my back?

I don't.

How about you, kraus?

Didn't the macintosh affair

Provide you with sufficient
Amusement at my expense?

You tricked me
Into making a fool of myself

In front of the governor.

When I begged him
To let me keep my job,

The man looked at me
Like I was a simpering idiot.

And we thought the governor
Didn't pay attention.

You think I'm blind
To all this animosity?

Well, let me
Tell you something.

Prehistoric men
Feared the sun

Because they didn't
Understand it.

(audience laughter)

Listen, did you see
Rosemary's baby?
Yeah.

Did the baby live?
Yeah.

(audience laughter)

I think I know
Where it is.

(audience laughter)

Well, one good thing,
He sure as sh**ting

Doesn't know anything
About the birthday party.

Okay, I'd better
Bring this up to the office.

Oh.

Oh, gee, that looks heavy.
Well, sort of.

Can I give you a hand?

Why, thanks, pete.

Here you go.

(audience laughter)

Hi, guys.

Oh, hey,
Can I lick the bowl?

No, you may not.

And have you gift-wrapped
That golf bag yet?

Oh, I knew there was something
I forgot to do.

Well, bring it here.
I'll wrap it.

Yeah, well,
I got to go buy it first.

Uh, benson,
Can you loan me $?

Are you out of your mind?
We already gave you the money.

Oh!
It's in my other wallet!

Pete!

Okay, forget it.
I'll put it on my credit card.

What did you do
With our money?!

Well, unfortunately, I ran
Into my landlord yesterday.

It was unavoidable.
He was in my apartment.

If I didn't
Give him something,

He was gonna
Take my hot plate.

What'd you do
With your rent money?

Car payment was late.

What did you do with your
Car payment?

I used it to pay my
Phone bill.

I used the phone money
For the utilities,

The utilities paid my alimony,

And I used my alimony
To pay off my student loan.

Well, what about food?

Hey, thanks!
What have you got?

Pete, go get the golf bag!

And make it snappy!

Okay, okay.

Oh, great!

Now I have to make
A whole new cake.

Kraus, it's for clayton.

(audience laughter)

Oh, yeah.
That's right.

(audience laughter)

I know these decorations

Aren't exactly right
For a birthday,

But I think it works.

Okay, open your eyes.

What do you think?

I like it better
With my eyes closed.

What time is the party?

:.
Oh, elizabeth called again.

I think you ought to
Call her back.

I will.

I just want to study
These demographics.

Okay, but don't forget,
The fun begins at :.

(audience laughter)

Oh, I love what you've done
With the office.

There's no reason
For government to be stuffy.

Sir, these are
For clayton's party.

Oh, yeah, that's what I wanted
To talk to you about.

See, I didn't know what to get
Him, so I bought two things.

I bought
A leather appointment book

And a silver
Pen-and-pencil set.

Which should I give him?

It doesn't really make
Any difference to me, sir.

Well, it sort of does
Because, you see,

Your birthday's
Just around the corner,

And whatever I don't give him
Will be yours.

Does the appointment book
Look anything like this?

It's exactly like that.
Where'd you get it?

You gave it to me
For christmas.

Oh, well, then you'll get
The silver pen-and-pencil set.

(buzzer)
Excuse me a minute.

Hello?

Oh, thank you, denise.

Excuse me, governor,
It's elizabeth.

Oh, should I leave?
No, no.

Hi.

Oh, yeah.
I've been on the run all day.

No, I didn't forget
The banquet tonight.

This wraps up
The convention, right?

Oh? You are?

But I thought you had
To get back to baltimore.

Mm-hmm.
Well, okay.

All right,
I'll see you later.

All right.

You all right?

Eh, it's elizabeth.

She's decided to stay
A few extra days.

And you'd rather
She didn't.

Yeah, yeah, for her sake.

See, she's got the wrong idea
About our relationship.

She wants to pick up
Where we left off years ago.

And you don't want to.

No.

Well, tell
Her.

I can't.

I'm afraid she'll think
It's because of the wheelchair.

Is it?

No.

She was only gonna be here
For a week.

And I let her believe
Whatever she wanted to believe.

(knocking)
Yeah?

Is it all right
To bring the cake in?

Yeah, sure.
Come on in.

Okay, here we come.

Governor:
Oh, look at that!

Ooh!
It's :!

Okay, I'll get clayton.

Where's pete?

He just pulled in.

I heard him
Run into the garbage cans.

Uh, clayton,
I'm in benson's office.

Could I see you here
For a moment?

Thank you.

He's coming
Right over.

Oh, good.
Everyone put on their hats.

Yeah, this is fun.

Are we gonna
Play party games, too?

We could play
Pin the tail on the donkey.

(audience laughter)

Benson.

I'll be the lookout.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, pete,
The wrapping looks great!

Yeah, you guys
Owe me bucks for it.

Did you get a card?

What do you think,
I'm made of money?

Here he comes!
Here he comes!

Close the door!
Close the door!

Everybody look casual.

(audience laughter)

Sorry, sir, I --

Surprise! Surprise!
Surprise! Surprise!

Uh...

Kraus:
Happy birthday, clayton.

Here's a hat.

(audience laughter)

Denise, miss kraus,
Governor, katie.

Benson?

(audience laughter)

Oh, you shouldn't have.

That's what I kept saying.

Here, clayton,
This is for you.

Oh, katie,
How can I thank you?

Aren't you gonna open it?

Oh, yes, of course.

Oh...

I made it myself.

It's a nut dish.

Sweets for the sweet.

Happy birthday, clayton.

Oh, thank you, sir.

It's a watch,
I'll bet you.

How much?

Oh, it's a silver
Pen-and-pencil set.

It is? It is?

(audience laughter)

It's just what I wanted.

Me too.

Okay, clayton,
Get ready for the big one.

Peter, peter, thank you!

That's from all of us.

I was gonna tell him.

Oh!

Oh, you people.

I-- I...

(audience laughter)

I, I don't know what to say.

(audience laughter)

What the hell is that?

(audience laughter)

It's a weed cutter.

My very own...

Weed cutter.

What happened
To the golf bag?

They didn't have
Any golf bags.

My charge account's
At murray's hardware store.

Come on, clayton.
Blow out the candle.

Make a wish.
Yeah, make a wish.

A wish?
What more could I wish for?

This is my very first
Surprise party.

I've never experienced such
An open display of affection,

And to tell you the truth,
It... Uh...

It makes me
Feel a little queasy.

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday
To you ♪

♪ happy birthday,
Dear clayton ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

(cheering)

♪

Well, I hope
You weren't too bored.

Bored?
Mm-hmm.

At a teacher's banquet?
I should say not.

I thought
It was extremely...

Educational.

You were bored.

No, not at all.
I had a great time.

If I'd known teachers
Could be that inept,

I'd have been better
In school.

They put on one of those revues
At every convention.

Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.

I especially liked
The shop teacher from jersey

Who sang the entire score
Of "Cabaret."

Oh, bert.

Yeah, is that
Liza minnelli costume

Part of his own
Private wardrobe?

(audience laughter)

Nadine bushmiller
Sure took a liking to you.

Nadine bushmiller--

Is that the woman
Who was sitting next to me?

Yeah, the one that was falling
Out of the blue dress.

(chuckles)

Does she
Teach kindergarten?

Yeah, how'd you know?

She kept trying to feed me.

(audience laughter)

Well,
You didn't seem to mind.

Well, what are you gonna do

When a grown woman says,

"Open wide.
Here comes the choo-choo"?

(chuckles)

Oh, nadine was feeling
No pain, huh?

Yeah, I was just as happy

When she fell asleep
In her chitlins flambé.

(audience laughter)

(sighs)

Well?

Well what?

We could have had a nightcap
Back at the hotel, benson.

If you've got something to say,
I'm ready.

Yeah.

Well, um --

I'm a lot tougher
Than I look.

You can say it.

Elizabeth...

The last thing in the world
I want to do is hurt you.

I'm not looking for an emotional
Handout, benson.

When the doctor told me
That I would never get up

Out of this chair again
Without some help,

When that sank in,

That was the last time
I felt sorry for myself

Or was afraid.

I'm out here to live, benson,
With you or someone else.

Now, tell me what you got
To say, 'cause I can take it.

I can handle it.

I can handle anything.

I know you can, baby.

It's just that I don't know
What I was trying to do--

Make up for an accident
That I had nothing to do with

Or show you a good time
That you'd never forget.

Well, thanks
For the special attention.

I don't blame you for thinking
It was more than that.

I did, you know.
Yes.

I was so busy being thoughtful
And considerate

That I never realized that you
Might take it the wrong way.

It was my mistake.

I apologize, and I'm sorry.

I am, too.

It seems we had
The same conversation

On my front porch
Back in baltimore when

I told you I was going away
To school.

years is a long time,
Elizabeth.

Yeah, and feelings change.

Well, that's what
I had to know.

I had to know
Before I went back home.

Oh, elizabeth.

Look, um...

I can work it out.

We went through this before,
Remember?

The same old problem:
Lousy timing.

At least we were consistent.

Yeah.

I'm glad that it worked out
This way

Because I would hate
To lose you as a friend.

That's one thing you'll never
Have to worry about, benson.

♪

(light instrumental music)

So what do you say?
Do you want to go or not?

Okay, what's playing?

The lunchroom murders.

(audience laughter)

Pete, I don't like films where
You see more of people's insides

Than their outsides.

Well, do you want to
Meet me after the movie?

Maybe some other time.

Look, denise, I know we should
Come to an understanding

About our relationship.

What relationship?

(audience laughter)

Well, see,
That's what I mean.

Pete,
Don't rush me.

Well, is there anything I can do
To change your mind?

Well, we could do something
I like to do.

Name it.

Okay.
Well, we could go out to dinner,

Then maybe go to the theatre,
Then stop somewhere to dance.

That's not a date,
That's a vacation.

(audience laughter)

Pete, I only like to do things
Normal people like to do.

Yeah, well, I'll come back when
You're in a better mood.

(audience laughter)

Hi, pete.

Pete:
Yeah, sure.

(audience laughter)

Did you get elizabeth to the
Airport on time?

Yeah.
Any messages?

No. Oh, but there's a woman
Waiting in your office.

A woman?

Yeah, she said
She was a friend of yours.

Her name is
Nadine bushmiller.

Nadine...

(audience laughter)

(light instrumental music)

♪

(dramatic instrumental music)