03x05 - The Lobbyist

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, Benson.
Good morning, Katie.

I heard you have
a new girlfriend.
Who told you that?

We, women, have ways
of finding these things out.

Just because I've gone out
with Cynthia a few time

doesn't mean
she's my new girlfriend.

You men are so naive.

Aren't you gonna be
late for school?

Right. I just didn't want
to get there too early.

Walter Murphy
might be there.

Oh, I thought
you like Walter.

I do. But I figure
I'll play hard to get
for a while.

Then what?

Then I'll reel him in.

Learning younger every day.

Hey, Benson,
how's it going with
your new girlfriend?

Ah, ah, girlfriend?

Oh, didn't you know?

He's been getting
all these notes from her

with cute,
little kitty cats on them.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Does she dot her I's
with little hearts?

Those cards
are from my niece.

She's got great legs.

My niece?

No, your girlfriend.

Why is everybody
fascinated with
my social life?

Everybody isn't.

You know,
if I had a girl like that,

I'd be talking about her
all the time.

That's why you don't have
a girl like that.

Girl like what?

Oh, we were just discussing
Benson's lady of the moment.

Oh, is that the one you took
to the attorney general's
banquet?

Yes.
Hubba-hubba!

Hubba-hubba?

Oh, it's a compliment,
Benson.

It means
she's very attractive.

Great legs.

I didn't think
you noticed her.

I thought
you went to sleep
at that banquet.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Don't touch that phone!

I answer the phone
in the kitchen now.

Hello?

Oh, yeah,
he's right here.

It's your main squeeze.

Hi, Cynthia.

Yeah, sure,
I'm free for lunch.

Japanese sounds fine.

I don't know.
I never had sushi.

Sushi's great.

Thank you so much.

Uh, sure, why not?
I'll pick you up at :.

What's that?

Oh, yeah, me, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, sure,

there are other people
in the room.

No, I'm not afraid...

...to say it
in front of them.

Yeah, well...

Okay, okay.
Me, too, me, too. Goodbye.

I'll be going out
for lunch.

Uh, Cynthia...
Hmm?

What is this?

I told you, raw fish.

Could you be
more specific?

Why do you have to know
what everything is?

Because I just ate something

that tasted
like a rubber glove.

Could be the octopus.

Or an old scuba suit.

Oh, you haven't eaten
anything but your rice.

I ate some
of that pink stuff.

What pink stuff?

Them little things
that look like eyelids.

Oh, poor baby,
I feel terrible.

Tell you what.
On the way back,
I'll buy you a hamburger.

No, it's okay.
Don't worry about it.

I didn't come here
for the food,

I came here
for the company.

Aw.

Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!

You two should be looking
for a darker restaurant, eh?

Don't pay
any attention to him.

Eventually he'll leave.

Come on, Benson, aren't you
going to introduce me
to your girlfriend?

Cynthia Howard,
Pete Downey,
master of bad timing.

Hello.

Are you following me?

No, I'm having lunch
with Jeff Dalton.

The political columnist?
Right.

You mind
if we join you?
Yes.

Okay. I'll see
what I can pick up
at the bar.

Try the octopus.

Good friend?

Well, that depends.
Would you hold it against me?

Listen,
I've got to talk to you.

Uh-oh, this is serious.

What makes you think so?

Every time you fold
your hands like that,
it means playtime's over.

Well, don't look
so worried,

this isn't
a marriage proposal.

Good. Then I can start
breathing again.

What I do want to
talk about is business.

Mmm. I thought we had
a rule about that.

Benson, I'm a lobbyist,
you're the budget director.

We have got to talk
sometime.

No mixing business
with pleasure.

Just because we're dating,
you're willing to overlook
a good idea?

Why not?
I overlooked this raw fish.

Listen, it's those
acres of bottomland
over on Highway .

(MOANS)

You drive me crazy
when you talk
about bottomland.

Come on.

Now, the company
I represent, Yakagami...

Ooh, I love it
when you call me "Yakagami."

Benson...

Yakagami Developments
would like to buy that land

and build
an industrial park.

And you figured
if I ate some raw fish,
I'd be on their side.

Mmm.

Look, I've got
all the facts and figures
for you right here.

You know I can't show you
any special favors, Cynthia.

I'm not asking you to.

Just give our proposal
a fair reading.

All right,
give me the papers.
I'll have a look at them.

But I'm not making
any promises.

None at all?

Well, none that have
to do with business.

Well, in that case
there's still minutes
left on this lunch hour

if you'd like to go into
the parking lot and neck.

Check!

Denise, did you finish
typing that report?
Yes.

It took me minutes
and seconds.

Hmm. Why are you always
timing yourself?

Oh, I keep records
for my mother.

It gives her a chance
to live vicariously.

She never had the opportunity
to become a secretary.

Daddy married her...
Not that she got a bad deal.

I mean, their life
has been like a fairy tale.

Hmm. My life is like
a fairy tale.

Wolf was always
at the door.

Aha!
(SCREAMS)

There are coffee cups
on your desk.

I told you
not to do that.

I'm relieved to see
it's you, Kraus.

I thought for a moment
we were being invaded.

The next time
you take coffee
to your office,

use a paper cup.

And the next time
you come to my office,

wear a paper bag.

I'm warning you, Benson.

If I catch you
stealing cups again,

it won't be
a pretty sight.

Well?
Well what?

Didn't you hear me?

I said it won't be
a pretty sight.

So?

You're no fun at all
since you got promoted.

You were never
a pretty sight.

I hear you!

Denise, no visitors
unless it's the governor.

All right, Benson.

Hi. Is Benson
in his office?

Yes, but he's not taking
any visitors.

Oh, great.

Uh...

So, uh, how's it going?

How's what going?

You know, life.

Wow, that's a tough one.

No, you don't have to
really answer that.

I just came by
to say hello.

Oh! Hello.

You do remember me,
don't you?

Of course I do. Paul.

Pete.

I knew it was
one of the apostles.

Hey, let me ask you
something.

Are you married
or anything like that?

Oh, no, no.

Mom and Dad agree
that I should really wait

until I meet somebody
special.

Oh, my mom and dad
think I'm pretty special.

Listen, the singer
from General Hospital

is giving a concert
down at the civic,

and I was wondering
if the two of us could,
uh...

Uh, so, what do you say?

I didn't know
there was a singer
on General Hospital.

Oh, yeah,
the guy plays Noah Drake.

What's his name?

You want to go with me
or not?

Let me think about it.

That's not a no, right?

Right.
Okay.

When is it?
Well, I don't know.

I'll get back to you.

Oh, Pete,
I left the speech
on your desk.

Oh, you just missed me.

I came here to see Benson,
but he's not seeing anybody.

Oh, then I'll
come back later.

Oh, no, he's seeing you,
Governor.

Oh, good.

Hey, listen,
if you decide to go,

plan on bringing
the sandwiches.

Hi, Benson. Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

Oh, no, Governor,
I'm glad you stopped by.

On that Yakagami proposal,

I was wondering
if you'd read it.

We don't have to jump
right into business,
do we, Benson?

Oh, no, of course not.
What's on your mind?

Oh, everything...

Where I've been,
where I'm going.

Why you're here.

Oh, yeah, that, too.

I've just been
so darn lucky.

Yeah, I know how
depressing that can be.

Well, what will happen
when my luck runs out?

Some guy at the cemetery
will throw dirt in your face.

Oh, I'm not gonna be buried.

No.

I've left instructions
that I be cremated

and my ashes be scattered
over the lumber mill.

I'll mix in with the sawdust
and be among my friends
for the rest of eternity.

Until some guy sweeps up.

Oh, uh, sir,
I just read
Benson's proposal

concerning that
parcel of state land
on Highway .

And?

And it's an excellent piece
of research.

I totally agree
with your conclusions.

Where did I go wrong?

That's why I came in here,
the Yakagami proposal.

I think it's a heck
of a deal, Benson.

Yes, sir.
It'll create new jobs.

Well, you two seem
convinced.

I was convinced
when I came in here.

So let's do it.

I'll get my people on it
right away.

Well, Benson,
it's after :.

Want a little lunch?
Oh, no, sir,
I have a date.

Oh. Who?
Cynthia.

Do I know her?

Sure. Hubba-hubba.

(LAUGHS)

Hubba-hubba.

♪ Two little fishies
in an itty-bitty pool

♪ Boop, boop

♪ Dit-tem, dat-tem

♪ What-tem Chu ♪

So, how about it, Benson,
can I borrow your car?

No way, Pete.

Oh, come on, I've been
waiting three weeks
for this date

I can't take Denise
out in my car,

I'm trying
to impress her.

You'll need more
than a car.

Gentlemen.

Hey, uh, Clayton,
can I borrow your...
No.

How can you say no,
you don't know
what it is yet?

Whatever it is,
you can't borrow it.

How rude.
Oh, that's terrific.

Thanks a lot.

Now I got to rent a car
to go to a drive-in.

Well, Benson,
Yakagami Developments
finalized the deal

on that piece of property
this morning.

We did it.

We?

You and I.

Endicott and Dubois.
Think of it.

Please, not while I'm eating.

You know,
if we teamed up,

there is absolutely nothing
we couldn't accomplish.

Couldn't have a baby.

I think you should take
this seriously, Benson.

Okay, we'll adopt.

Fine. Be that way.

I guess there's
nothing more to discuss.

Have you seen
today's paper?

No, why?

Benson made
Jeff Dalton's column.

How bad is it?

"Could it be that
our new budget director

"supported the Yakagami deal
because of his current amour,
Cynthia Howard,

"Yakagami's brainy
but beautiful lobbyist?"

Let me see that.

Did you know Cynthia Howard
was a lobbyist?

Yes.

The same Cynthia Howard
you've been dating
for the past two months?

It's the only one I know.

And yet you initiated
legislation on her behalf?

It's a brilliant move,
Benson.

Makes you the first member
of this administration

to be involved
in a scandal.

I still can't figure out
how that reporter even knew
about Cynthia and me.

I brought him over to your
table at that sushi place,
remember?

What?
That skinny little yup
with the glasses?

He's tough, Benson.

He spent six weeks
with the Afghan guerrillas.

Did he write stories
about their girlfriends?

Face it, Benson,
this woman used you.

She didn't use me.
Everything was above board.

That may be true,
but it's not what people
are going to think.

I don't care
what people think.

(TELEPHONE BUZZES)

Yes?

No, I have nothing
to say to the press.

Neither does Benson.

I'll just say "No comment."
Thank you.

You better lie low, Benson,
those guys are out for blood.

Am I missing
something here?

I made that recommendation
based on my own research,

not just the information
that Cynthia gave me.

You should have told us
where you got
that information.

Oh, you're making this look
as if I did something wrong.

Oh, forget about it.

Tomorrow they're gonna be
wrapping garbage
in that paper.

Well, today they're
writing garbage in it.

Clayton, Pete,
Benson and I need
a moment alone.

It's okay by me.

I hate being
in these kind of meetings.

Well, I don't.

Benson, this is
a lot like what happened

to Scooter McFee
and the admiral.

Did I ever
tell you that story?

No, that's one I missed,
Governor.

Well, it was during the w*r,

and our ship was
anchored off the coast
of New Zealand, see?

And Scooter was officer
of the deck,

and he had orders
not to let anybody on board
without the password,

which, as I recall,
was "flounder."

No, no, no,
it was "trout."

Wait a minute.
Maybe it was "shark."

Does it really matter?

Well, it did to Scooter.

See, 'cause this admiral
tried to come on board,

and he didn't know
the password,

so scooter wouldn't let him
off the gangway.

Well, the admiral had
the w*r on his mind,
you know,

and he was pretty impatient.

I think I know how he felt.

So he just
shoved right past
and got on deck.

That's when Scooter
did the right thing.

He took his billy club,

and he knocked that admiral
cold as a mackerel.

"Mackerel!"

That was the password.

See, what
I'm trying to say

is that even
doing the right thing
can sometimes look wrong

depending on
the circumstances.

It's a political reality.

Well, the reality is
I've done nothing wrong.

Well, that's what Scooter
kept saying.

Yelling, actually...

...from the brig...

...for days.

I catch your drift.

Okay, then it's forgotten.

Let's hope
it's clear sailing
from here on.

Aye, aye, sir.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Denise, you can't
do this to me.

I've already
rented a car.

Pete, I'm sorry.

Clayton's secretary
went home sick,

and I'm the only person
that can help him
with this report.

Listen, why don't
you go ahead
and see the movies?

We'll do it another time.

Boy, that's a definition
of "lonely" for you...

A single guy
in a rented maverick,

watching
a Laura Antonelli festival.

See you later.

Bye.

Hey.

You're the press secretary.
What's going on?

Just got dumped.

No, I mean the press.

You said this whole thing
would blow over
in a couple of days.

Benson, not now.
I'm kind of depressed.

There are articles
in all these newspapers, man.

They're hanging me out
to dry.

Last night, they att*cked me
on the : news.

I know. I was home, alone.

Will you forget
about your love life
for a moment?

I've got
a serious problem here.

Well, you don't think
my love life is serious?

Thanks.
I'm going to the movies.

I think you and I
had better have a talk.

A conference with Clayton...

Perfect way
to end a perfect day.

I'll try to be brief.

I wish you'd be pleasant.

You've got big trouble,
Benson.

I've got big trouble?

You just sat
on my ink pad.

Oh.

(SIGHS)

Now that I know
what's on your mind,
what do you have to say?

Did you see the interview
with Senator Chapman
on the midday news?

No, but I'm sure
you'll be delighted

to fill me in
on the highlights.

Well, basically,
he is using your blunder

to imply that the governor
is incompetent.

He has demanded
a complete review of
all current legislation,

which brings us
to the central theme
of this conversation.

I thought you said
you'd be brief.

Benson, the legislature
just k*lled the governor's
school-lunch program.

What?

That was a certainty.

Then you see my point?

You've gone beyond
being an embarrassment,
you are a liability,

and unless you do
something about it,

you are going to pull down
this entire administration
with you.

What do you expect me
to do?

Ah-ah-ah,
it's not my place
to tell you what to do.

That's never
stopped you before.

I've given you
all the facts, Benson.

Now it's up to you.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come on in.
It's open.

Is this is the home
of the famous
Benson's creole gumbo?

Hi, babe.

Want a drink or anything?

Oh, I'll take
"or anything."

Hold on, baby.
I got my hands full.

What's wrong with you?

Did you read
the newspapers?

Ugh, that's politics.

You have to shake it off
if you expect to last
in this business.

Yep.

Well, fix yourself
a drink.

I got to get back
to the gumbo.

Are you mad at me?

I'm mad
at the whole situation.

Benson, don't let the press
get to you.

Stop taking everything
they print about you
personally.

I don't. I don't care
what they say about me.

Well, don't worry about me.

I'm not.

You could have found
a nicer way to say that.

I'm sorry. I'm upset.

Look at this.

Now, the governor's
popularity has dropped
eight points

since this Yakagami thing
began.

This afternoon,
the legislature
pulled the plug

on his school-lunch
program.

I make one mistake,
one little mistake...

Hell, it wasn't even
a mistake

and the governor's
whole political future
is on the line.

Honey, you're blowing
things out of proportion.

We should have stuck
to our rule,

no mixing business
with pleasure.

You are mad at me.

Come on, salad's ready.

Wait a minute.

You're acting like I knew
this was gonna happen.

Well, Cynthia,
you've been in politics
a lot longer than me.

That's kind of
an insensitive remark.

Yeah, part of my charm.

Look, if you don't
want to discuss this...
I don't.

Want some wine?

Not really.

In fact, I don't have
much appetite at all.

Look, this is not
the right time
for a romantic dinner.

You obviously
have some things
to work out.

I think what I should do
is say good night,

and we'll save the gumbo
for the good times.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Governor.

Governor!

Can I talk to you?

Governor!

Governor.

Oh, hi, Benson.

What are you doing here
at : in the morning?

I wanted to get this
out of the way first.

Can I ask you
a question?
sh**t.

Do you think
the school-lunch program

was defeated
because of this
Yakagami business?

Oh, well,
I think Senator Chapman

used it as a leverage
against me and my policy.

You think he'll keep it up?

Oh, I don't know,
he's always been
a street fighter.

But it looks like
this incident is
gonna cost you plenty.

Oh, that's politics,
Benson.

With any luck at all,
we can keep it
out of the campaign.

Maybe this will help.
What's that?

My resignation.

Denise,
will you stop sniffling?

I'm sure
the new budget director
will keep you around.

But I like you.

Well, I like me, too,

but that doesn't
solve our problem.

If you go, I go.

We'll show these people
they can't push us around.

Benson,
I need to talk to you.

(ANGRILY)
Why don't you just go talk
to your reporter friends?

She's not my type,
anyway.

What is it, Pete?

Are you packing already?

No, I'm smuggling
office supplies to Cuba.

Oh, then it's true.
You are leaving.

Oh, hey, Benson,
I'm gonna miss you.

You were a nice guy
who really cared
about people.

I'm just resigning, Pete,
I'm not dead.

Hey, well, listen,
I know this sounds
kind of cold,

but I got to prepare
a press release
on why you quit.

Do you have
a good reason?

Yeah, the Yakagami thing.

No, I can't use that.
That's the real reason.

Shouldn't you be
someplace else?

Well, I'll just say
you're sick.

I'll bring it back
for you to proofread.

Pete, I'm leaving.
Can't you stick around
for an hour?

Go with my instincts.

I'm glad you're still here,
Benson.

Listen, I've been
thinking it over.

I've decided
not to accept
your resignation.

Now, what does that mean?

It means you can't quit.

I already did.

Doesn't count.
I didn't accept it.

Well, give it to Clayton,
he'll accept it.

Listen, Benson, I know
why you're doing this,
to protect me.

I think that's admirable.

Only a real friend
would put himself
on the line like that.

Thank you, sir.

But I'm still not gonna
let you quit.

Well, you told me
I had to face
political reality.

I did, and the truth is
I'm a liability.

The longer I stay here,
the more difficult
your job becomes.

Well, that's one point
of view.

It's not one
that I agree with.

Listen, Benson,
I didn't put you in this job
as a sort of favor,

as a reward
for good service.

I saw something special
in you,

a kind of wisdom.

A kind of honesty.

Nothing's happened
to change what I see.

Sure, I can find
another budget director.

It would be
a very hard job

to find another man
like you, my friend.

Well, aren't you gonna
say something?

Not while I have this lump

in my throat.

Will you stay?

Well, I have to,
you won't let me quit.

Good.

I'll help you unpack.

Well, I'm sorry
I got us into this mess.

Oh, that's all right,
it's only three
or four boxes.

That's not
what I meant, sir.

I know
what you meant, Benson.

Good night, Kraus.

Good night?
It's barely :.

I gotta get home
and heat up some gumbo.

Oh, yeah. Who are you
poisoning tonight?

Very funny.

It happens to be
a prize-winning dish
that Cynthia is dying to try.

"Dying?"

Interesting choice of words.

All right, Kraus,
lay off my cookie.

Sure, Benson.

You can dish it out,
but you can't take it.

Yeah, when you
dish it out,

I can take it,
but I can't eat it.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Are you really
this angry?

No. Are you?

Not really.

BOTH: Good night.