02x14 - Rivals

[bunniefuu]

[OPENING THEME PLAYING]

Morning, Kraus. Good morning, Benson.

Halt!

You always do that.

How many times do I have to tell you, don't do that!

That is your desk,

this is my kitchen table.

Dirty files do not go on my table,

food goes on my table. Have you got that straight?

Next time you do it, I won't be so nice about it, buster.

Morning, everyone! Hello, Liebchen!

Oh, my goodness. Can I help you with that?

I can handle it. Okay.

So, how's it going with the cello, Katie?

Okay. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Catching up? For what?

The recital's on Friday. I don't wanna blow it.

Yeah, you start blowin' on a cello, it sounds funny.

How'd you end up with a cello, anyway?

I liked the way it sounded, but that was before I heard me play it.

[KRAUS LAUGHS] Bye.

BENSON: Bye, sweetie. Goodbye, Liebchen.

Ah, Katie reminds me a lot of myself at her age.

Well, with any luck, she'll outgrow it.

When I was a young girl, a couple of friends undI

used to play concerts for the local townspeople.

Ah, we had a wonderful trio.

Bass drum, flugelhorn und glockenspiel.

We used to take requests.

But you all kept on playing anyway, huh?

We were very good.

Except that selfish Trudi

always wanted all the solos on her glockenspiel.

Here are the work schedules you wanted.

Ah, ah, ah. This is wrong.

I don't see a problem.

That's because you don't have a big date tomorrow.

My husband frowns on my dating. He's funny that way.

I was sure I had tomorrow off.

No, Gretchen has tomorrow off. You have the next day off.

Just change your date. I'd love to.

Unfortunately, these two hockey teams

insist on having their playoff tomorrow,

whether Linda and I show up or not.

I see. Life and death.

Well, maybe Gretchen could help you out.

Sure, I'll take those tickets. I love hockey.

No, I meant, since there's nothing special

scheduled this week, maybe you could switch days off with Benson.

Why would I want to do that?

To be nice. You got a back-up plan?

Now, I know Gretchen would be happy

to switch days off with you

if you just do a favor for her sometime.

Ja,I could live with that.

You mean, you would switch days off with me?

I don't see why not.

But don't forget, you owe me one.

I'd like to give you one.

I hear you!

Here you go, Marcy. Mail just came.

Oh, thanks, Benson. You didn't have to make a special trip.

I couldn't help myself.

Katie's practicing her cello in the kitchen.

Marcy, is the limousine here? Yes, sir.

Oh, good. Now, Clayton, here are all my notes, so you shouldn't have any trouble

drafting the legislation for the bird bill.

Bird bill?

Yes, it's a new bird sanctuary,

and I just called it the bird bill for short.

Catchy.

Oh, and Benson, you might want to take a look

at this schedule for the ambassador's visit. I've made some changes.

Sir? Now, don't waste time, Clayton.

I gotta deliver that proposal before legislature Monday.

Well, I realize that, sir, but, uh, what about the luncheon?

You're right. I better get going.

No, uh, sir, I meant that I was planning

to attend the luncheon with you.

I didn't know you were invited.

Well, the invitation was extended to you and a guest.

I took the liberty of accepting for both of us.

No, Clayton, I'm afraid you can't go.

You've got to get moving on that bill.

As it is, you've got three days' work and a day-and-a-half to do it.

Oh, Marcy, did you clear my schedule for tomorrow evening?

Yes, sir. You're all set for Katie's recital. It starts at :.

Hey, everybody. Hi.

Sir, um, if I could prevail upon you to reconsider.

After all, it would be a shame to waste the extra ticket.

Well, you're right.

Pete, do you want to attend a luncheon with me?

Great, I'm starved.

Wait...

[SCOFFS] That's absurd.

You don't take Peter to a prestigious luncheon like that.

Clayton, there's nothing wrong with taking Pete.

Please.

He could eat yesterday's lunch.

It's still on his tie.

Benson, did you see this letter?

The one where you win a house? We all got one.

It's a personal letter, Benson.

Well, that's strange. It's not even addressed to the Governor.

It's addressed to Mrs. Gatling.

Obviously, whoever wrote this doesn't know that the Governor's a widower.

Maybe I should just send it back.

Well, you sure can't send it ahead.

Well, I'm dying to know what it says.

Then read it. It's in German.

I know. We'll ask Gretchen to tell us what it says.

Good luck. All she'll ever give me

is her name, rank, and serial number.

[PLAYING OFF-KEY]

Oh!

Okay. Okay.

Not very good, is it?

Well, maybe with a little more practice.

What's the use? I'll just have to fake it.

Fake it?

Yeah, see, there are four cello players.

If I can just get the movements down right,

no one will ever know that I'm not really playing.

Katie, if you don't really play,

it won't be fair to the other children.

But if I do play, it won't be fair to the audience.

Gretchen, do you have a minute? Ja.

Well, we just got the strangest letter. It's in German.

What's so strange about that?

The words are spelled funny.

Let me see it.

Well, this letter is for me.

How did you get my letter?

Your letter? It's addressed to Mrs. Gatling.

What? Oh.

[GIGGLES]

So it is. How curious.

What about it, Kraus?

You... You know the post office.

Well, they don't address the mail, Kraus,

they just deliver it.

So somebody thinks you're Mrs. Gatling?

Well, it's an easy mistake. Anyone could make it.

Exactly who did?

Trudi. Who's Trudi?

And why does she think you're Mrs. Gatling?

It's a long story.

Well, we got plenty of time if you want to whup it on us.

Well, okay.

See, when I was growing up,

Trudi was my next-door neighbor.

We went to the same school. We swam in the same pond.

We played in the same band.

Oh, yeah, Trudi with the glockenspiel.

Trudi with the glockenspiel?

I have all her albums.

We were always competing, undTrudi always won.

Kraus, Kraus, Kraus. The letter.

Oh, ja.

Well, one day, she wrote undtold me

that she had married Karl Brunwaltser,

the local Burgermeister.

He is fat, undhe drools,

but where I come from, he's considered quite a catch.

She was convinced that I could never do any better.

So I wrote back undtold her

that I had married the Governor.

Well, at least you had the decency not to tell him.

Ja,but now it's all over.

She is coming here tomorrow undwill discover my lies.

She will make me undall my relatives

the laughing stock of the village.

What am I going to do?

Tell her the truth. Save her the trip.

She's already on her trip.

She's only going to be here for a couple of hours

before she changes planes.

She's on her way to Disneyland.

Wait a minute. When did you say she was coming?

Tomorrow night.

Well, that's the night the Governor has to go to Katie's recital.

Whatever you're hatching, Marcy, now would be a good time to stop.

When Trudi comes to the mansion tomorrow night,

Mrs. Gatling and two members of her loyal staff

will be there to greet her.

Do you think it could work?

Well, of course it'll work.

Forget it, Marcy. I'm not about to start playing charades

in the Governor's mansion.

Oh, it'll only take a few minutes.

We'll keep your part small. No.

I knew he'd say that, Marcy.

Why should Benson do something for me?

Maybe because he owes you a favor?

That's right.

I won't do it.

Okay, Benson.

I should have known you would welch on our deal.

You know what happened to the last person that called me a welcher?

Aha! So you have a history of welching.

I always thought you were a man of your word, Benson.

I am a man of my word.

How about if I wash your car?

Your car?

Oh, I knew this favor would come back to haunt me.

All right, I'll do it. But we don't tell anybody.

Not a soul.

No one. Never.

Never. Swear?

I'll write it in my blood, okay?

Write it times.

What is taking them so long?

Everyone should have gone by now.

Ah, relax, Gretchen.

The Governor will be leaving soon.

But Trudi's plane is landing in an hour.

There's plenty of time. Don't panic.

What's taking the Governor so long?

He should have been gone by now.

Get him to leave!

Only the voters can do that.

Well, I'm off to Katie's recital.

Oh, good. Bye.

Bye.

Oh, goodnight, Governor.

Oh, Pete. Do you know if Clayton finished that bird bill?

Not yet. It'll be on your desk in the morning.

Ah, good. Good night!

ALL: Good night.

So, guys, what's up, huh?

Nothing. We're all busy.

Ja,we have plans, so goodbye.

I got things I can do, too.

So do them!

Yeah, thing is, I was supposed to meet with Janine tonight

about the divorce settlement.

Turns out, she's got a date.

She's allowed. You're separated. Get out.

Well, I guess it's time to hit the road.

[TELEPHONE RINGING] See you guys Monday.

Hello. Oh, hi, Janine. Check's in the mail.

Thanks a lot, pal.

Now we are really behind schedule.

Pull yourself together, Gretchen.

We're about to turn you into the first lady

of this great state.

Now all we need is to find a frog

who's willing to kiss her.

Right this way, Mrs. Brunwaltser.

I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay in our country.

That's what the travel agent said.

But then again, that's his job.

Do you do a lot of traveling?

Tell me, is this what you Americans call "small talk"?

Fraulein,did Gretchen, uh,

oh, excuse me, Mrs. Gatling,

decorate this room all by herself?

Yes, of course.

Every first lady likes to add her own personal touch

to the mansion.

That would explain this hideous vase here.

[SIGHS] Poor Gretchen.

Her taste was always so dreadful.

That vase belongs to the Governor's family.

He's fond of it and thinks it's quite beautiful.

Oh, now I understand his attraction to Gretchen.

Oh, just imagine,

strange-looking, dim-witted, little Gretchen Kraus,

a governor's wife.

It takes all kinds.

Ja,of course. Only in America!

Well, my dear, where is she?

I haven't got all night, you know.

I have a plane to catch to Disneyland.

Oh, I'm sure you'll love the phony animals.

I'll see what's keeping Mrs. Gatling.

Do you believe that woman?

Yeah, she reminds me of a bayonet I once knew.

Well, I told you she wasn't very nice.

You and she are from the same hometown, huh?

Ja. Must be something in the water.

You think we can finish this before the Governor comes home?

Okay, I'll get the tea. Gretchen, you go in and greet Trudi.

Oh, I'm so nervous.

Benson, do you remember your part?

I only got one line, Marcy.

It's an important line.

Well, Marcy, I'm not dumb. I remember it.

Well, what is it?

Give it to me again.

"Mrs. Gatling, you promised the Governor

"you would meet him at the party."

Yeah, of course, that's it.

So, then I smile and split.

And then you're on your own.

Right. But don't rush it or Trudi will get suspicious.

I'll get the tea.

Go ahead, Kraus. Give it your best shot.

Hello, Trudi.

Gretchen. Ja.

Oh, Gretchen, Gretchen,

Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen.

Oh, poor dear, you have changed so.

You haven't. Oh, darling.

Oh, Gretchen, I am so happy.

You know, I never believed we would see each other again.

I was counting on it.

I mean, I was counting the days until this moment.

So, Trudi, um, how is Karl?

Oh, fine.

Ja,well, it's too bad he couldn't make the trip with you.

Oh, ja,he is miserable when we're apart.

Oh, Gretchen, what a wonderful man Karl is.

And what a wonderful life he has given me.

Oh, the love, the respect...

The jewelry.

Mrs. Gatling? Your tea.

Ah, Marcy, thank you.

You know, Gretchen,

I was a little worried there for a moment.

On the way over here, the cab driver said that there was no Mrs. Gatling.

Well, perhaps he was new in town.

Well, that's what I thought,

but he told me that he has been living here for years.

Mrs. Gatling, forgive me for interrupting.

That's okay.

But, you promised the Governor you would meet him at that party.

That was my line.

This cab driver said that he had known

the previous Mrs. Gatling,

but he had never heard of Gretchen Gatling.

Why do you suppose that is, Gretchen?

I... I don't know.

Well, there must be a reasonable explanation.

Oh, I'm sure there is.

And I would just love to hear it.

Well, um, uh...

Listen!

I think I hear the Governor now...

In the hallway.

Very near the door.

Let me look.

I was right. Here he is.

Here comes the Governor.

Gretchen, my love, I'm home.

I've missed you so.

Oh! Forgive me.

You must be my Gretchen's dear friend Trudi.

Gene Gatling, Governor of this great state.

Gretchen, you never wrote to me

that your husband was a... A...

Gretchen, you never told me

that Trudi had a speech impediment.

But she did tell me you play the glockenspiel.

Ja, ja,I do.

Heard you're not very good.

How was the cocktail party, Governor?

Oh, it was a dreadful bore.

It always is without my darling at my side.

When I found out she was going to be late,

I came over here to whisk her off myself.

MARCY: Not a moment too soon.

Ja, ja,it's...

[CHUCKLES] It's true.

We are just crazy in love.

So it would seem.

Funny, you don't look like a governor.

Yes, yes, I know what you mean.

But lucky for me, most of the voters don't agree with you.

[LAUGHS]

He has such a wonderful sense of humor.

That's one of the reasons I married him.

Tell her the other reasons, dear.

That would take all night, sweetheart.

Never mind. Never mind, Gretchen.

It's obvious that the Governor

feels that you're as beautiful as that, uh, that vase.

Yes, I've always had a weakness for imported antiques.

Well, then, I suppose it's true.

Well, congratulations, Gretchen.

They dumped you into the melting pot,

and you came out smelling like a rose.

My, my, my! Look at the time.

Mrs. Brunwaltser, if you don't hurry,

you're going to miss your plane.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred!

Fred, Freddie.

Freddie, uh, Mrs. Gatling and I

were just entertaining her old friend Trudi from Germany.

Uh, and you know how these tourists are, Freddie.

They just love to meet celebrities.

And since I am the governor of this great state,

it was natural that she would want to meet me.

Fred is my top aide.

Uh, I don't know what I'd do without him.

[CHUCKLES] Yes.

Uh, he...

Sometimes I think, if I weren't here,

he could run this state all by himself.

He's exaggerating.

But you know what the Governor means, don't you, Fred?

Oh, of course. Who are you?

Marcy, the maid.

Oh, I see.

Hello, Trudi. Very nice to know you.

You don't mind if I call you Trudi, do you?

You can call me Fred.

I thought I gave you the evening off

so that you could attend your daughter's recital.

Oh, no, the recital ended early by mutual agreement.

They didn't want to play anymore.

And we didn't want to listen.

Well, Fred, I'm so happy you had a chance

to meet Trudi before she has to leave.

Oh, yes, so am I.

So, Trudi, you're from Germany.

Hmm. Do you know Willy Brandt?

No, I don't.

Oh, small world. Neither do I.

Aha!

I thought I heard voices in here.

Oh, dear, Clayton's hearing voices again.

There's no telling what he'll say.

Well, it has taken me the better part of grueling hours,

but I am proud to say

that I have finally finished drafting

the bird sanctuary bill,

and I sincerely hope

that it meets with your approval, Governor.

Why ask me? What do you think, Governor?

I don't like it one bit. Take it back and do it again.

[CLEARS THROAT] Um...

Uh, I am very, [CLEARS THROAT] very tired

and, I will admit, a little cranky.

[CHUCKLES]

What, what is this all about, Governor?

No. I'm Fred. He's the governor.

Fred. Governor.

[CHUCKLES]

Marcy?

I'm the maid.

Yeah, you're the maid. [CHUCKLES]

And, uh, what are you supposed to be, Gretchen?

The queen mother?

Clayton, that's no way to talk to my wife.

Your wife?

[LAUGHS]

Sir?

I'm Fred. He's sir.

Gretchen! Gretchen, does this man work for you, too?

Uh... Well, actually, he's another member of my staff.

We only keep him on because his father was so loyal to us.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

All right.

Fred.

What the hell is going on here?

It's time for your warm bath.

Warm bath? That's an order.

Sir?

I took mine.

Okay. Okay, I'll be going now.

Just let me get this straight.

You are the governor. You are...

Fred. Right!

You are... Oh... You're the maid!

[LAUGHS] You are his wife.

Ja. Ja.

And since, uh, you're having this lovely tea party,

you must be Alice. [LAUGHS]

Give my regards to the Mad Hatter.

Well, there is only one remaining question.

[CHUCKLES]

Who am I?

Well, Trudi, since you've met the family,

I suppose you should be getting to the airport.

Take my limousine.

Your limousine?

We all have one.

You all have one?

That's America!

Gretchen, do you seriously think

I believe this little kinderspiel?

This is no mansion. It's a madhouse.

And these people are all fools.

Goodbye. Wait a minute, Trudi!

This has gone far enough.

I am going to tell you the truth.

I am not married to this gentleman,

undhe is not the governor.

This is Gene Gatling, the governor of the state.

Undthis lady is not a maid.

She is Marcy Hill,

the Governor's executive secretary.

I work for the Governor, undI am proud of it.

These people are all my friends. They did this for me.

Undwith real friends like these,

well, who needs friends like you?

So...

Goodbye, Trudi. Give my regards to Karl.

[SCOFFS] That schweinhund.

The big, fat, drooling slob

ran off with a -year-old meter maid.

Now I'm alone, the town has no Burgermeister,

and everyone is parking for free.

Trudi, I am sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry, too, Gretchen, for so many things.

Will you still write to me?

Sure.

Will you send me a postcard from Disneyland?

Ja. Ja.

Well, goodbye, Governor. Goodbye, Trudi.

Goodbye, Miss Hill.

Goodbye, Fred.

I'll see you out, Trudi.

Thank you, my friends.

You know, what Miss Kraus said was really very beautiful.

Thanks for going along with us, Governor.

Oh, actually, I enjoyed not being governor for a while.

I'd be careful who I said that to.

You know, I thought the whole thing was a lot of fun.

Now, I know what would be even more fun.

GOVERNOR: What? Let's never explain this to Clayton.

[CLOSING THEME PLAYING]