08x19 - Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner

[bunniefuu]

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole
lot of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live
it's you and me, baby

Ain't nothin' wrong
with that

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Hey, Weez.

Oh, hi, George,
how was your day?

Fantastic.
I bought something today
I've always wanted.

Now, George,
I told you
I will not hang

a laughing moose head
in this living room.

I know and that's
your loss.

But I know
you're gonna like this
'cause it's real classy.

Ta-da!

Oh, a bottle of wine.
How nice.

-We'll have it with dinner.
-Weezy, with dinner?

Where's your couth?

One does not have
a bottle of $
wine with dinner.

$ ?

Why that's...
That's ten laughing
moose heads.

Why did you pay
that much for just
one bottle of wine?

'Cause it's the
classy thing to do.

Anyway, this wine
will pay for itself
the first party we have here.

-How?
-I will show you. Okay.

Now, we got all the guests
sitting around, right?

So then I'll whip out
this bottle of wine,

and they start whispering,
"Buzz, buzz, oh,
Jefferson's got class.

"Buzz, buzz, buzz,
that Jefferson
knows his grapes.

"Buzz, buzz, buzz,
talking about bucks, whoo."

You forgot one.
"Buzz, buzz, buzz,

"that jackass paid
five hundred bucks
for that stuff."

See, that's where
you're mistaken, Weez,

because they're not gonna
know how much the
jackass paid for it.

It's bad manners to brag.

What if someone
asks the price?

Well, I'll just say,
"Hey, look.

"If you gotta ask that
means you can't afford it.

"And if you want
to know what it is
you can't afford,

"it's five hundred bucks."

Real class, George.

You bet.
Where should I put this?

Don't tempt me, George.

Look, Weez.
Hey, here's the perfect spot.

We'll get rid
of this cheap booze.

This wine has history.

It should be treated
with respect, honor
and reverence.

Especially since
this garbage cost me
five hundred bucks.

I mean it's non-stop,
"Ralph, do this,
Ralph, do that."

I'm sick of it.

Ralph, it sounds like you
don't like your work.

I love my work.

It's the people
I work for who
nauseate me.

Oh, in that case,
I guess I'm lucky.

'Cause I like my bosses.

As a matter of fact,
I consider myself
part of the family.

"Ha, ha, ha," what?

Nothing, nothing.

As long as that
little fantasy helps
you through the day.

Well no, it's true.
I mean, they're my friends.

That's why I bought
them these donuts.

Oh, Florence, Florence.

There are two kinds of
people in this word,

employers and dirt.

Well, I've had enough.

It's about time
I stood up and told

these rich
so-and-so's exactly
what I think of them.

Ah, the Jeffersons.
My favorite tenants.

Hey, Ralph.
Thanks for bringing
up the cleaning.

-My pleasure, sir.
I live to serve.
-Huh.

-Careful, they're heavy.
- Oh hey,
you're right.

Hey, Weez, hang these up.

My, I seem to have
broken out in a sweat

from carrying up
that ton of clothing.

Of course,
knowing it's yours,

it felt like
only half a ton.

Uh-huh, well in that case,
how about half a tip.

Mr. Jefferson, half a tip.

-Ah, that's it, Ralph.
-Very good, sir.

Hey, you two.
I brought home some donuts.

Oh, thank you, Florence.

Now, here's
a glazed one for you,

'cause you're so sweet.

Aw.

Here's a French chocolate
for me 'cause I'm ooh-la-la.

And for you, let's see.

Here's a little one
with nothing on top.

-Mmm.

Mmm. Come in!

Oh, hi, everybody.

You see, Helen?
I told you
I smelled donuts.

Uh, sit down
and join us.

Oh, I'm sorry, I, I...

-Uh, Florence just
came from the bakery.
-Aw.

And I bought a dozen
assorted for you.

Oh, thank you, Florence.For me?

For us.

Anyway, thank you,
Florence.

That was very
thoughtful of you.

Oh, it's nothing.
I like doing little things
for nice people.

Oh, in that case,
get me some coffee.

And sometimes,
I have to do nice things
for little people.

-Tom!
-Oh, I was just
sniffing, sweetheart.

-All right, now.
-Oh, yes.

Florence is in
the kitchen.

So what's the plan?

-Plan? What plan?
-

We're having
a little surprise party
for Florence tonight.

-A surprise party...
-Shh.

Does she know about it?

What's the
special occasion?

There is no
special occasion.

It's just that
she's our friend

and we think she should
have a special day.

She's already
got one, Halloween.

Anyway, Jenny
is upstairs right now

putting the finishing
touches on the cake, so...

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Look, Weezy,
did you know about this?

How come
nobody told me?

Well, uh, because
you can't keep
a secret, George.

What do you mean
I can't keep a secret?

Remember that time
you told your wife
you were working late,

and you and me
went to see the female
mud wrestling?

I kept that a secret,
didn't I?

I'll explain it later, dear.

You certainly will.

And you, Helen.
I never told none
of your secrets, either.

Remember that time
you bought her that blouse
with the bullfighter on it?

Well, yes.
Helen told me
she lost it.

See? I never told him
you gave it to the bag lady.

Why, Helen!
That blouse cost $ .

You told me
it was $ .

I never said nothing
about that, either.

And Weez, remember
that time we went up
to the Willises

to see their new wallpaper,
and you said...

All right, George.

You can keep a secret.

As long as
that's understood.

Okay, now
what we have to do

is figure a way
to get you two upstairs,

but we have to stall
Florence long enough

so we can all hide
and yell, "Surprise".

-Any ideas?
-

What y'all whispering about?

Uh, Helen?

Tom?

George?

Weez.

Well, I know all your names.

I was just wondering
what you were
whispering about.

Uh, let me
handle this, okay?

-Oh, no...
-Uh, look,
Florence, see,

the Willises are having
a dinner party tonight

for their special friends,
so they came down
to invite us.

Oh, that's terrific.
What should I wear?

Nothing. You ain't invited.

No problem.

Very smooth, George.

Florence,
he didn't mean that.

That's right.
Of course you're invited.

Oh, good.
Well, what time?
Right now?

No! I mean, uh,
Helen and I are
going upstairs,

and uh, George and Louise
are going with us.

Uh, so, the meal
should be ready
in about an hour,

so you can come up
and, uh, serve us.

Serve?

Uh, well,
you wouldn't mind,
now would you, Florence?

I mean, that way
you can join us
for dessert.

Oh, sure. Fine. Thanks.

-Great.
-Oh, boy.

You're going to be serving
prime rib.

Oh, yes.

Well, uh, we'll see you
upstairs then.

In about an hour, okay?

Okay, I'll be there.

Yeah, I'll be there.
When Popeye becomes Pope.

And now, for $ ,

and a trip for two to Hawaii,

name a famous Rudolph.

MALE CONTESTANT:
Uh, um, Hitler!
Rudolph Hitler!

Hello, Florence.

I overlooked a piece of
Mr. Jefferson's dry cleaning,

so I rushed it
right up here.

He ain't home, Ralph.

Actually, I took my time.

Oh, no, I couldn't
accept a gratuity
from a fellow worker.

Then again, I wouldn't
want to insult you.

Well, thanks for
your trouble, Ralph.

Florence,
has something
got you down?

I just had
a rude awakening.

I just found out
that the Willises
and the Jeffersons

don't think of me
as anything but a maid.

Ah, that's rough.

Listen, take this back.

That's a dime, Ralph.
I gave you a quarter.

I know but this way,

both of us will
have something
to feel good about.

So, how did you
come to the realization
that you're dirt?

Well, the Willises are having
a dinner party tonight

for some of their
special friends.

And let me guess,

the name Florence Johnston
did not appear on
the guest list.

Bingo.

Ah, I'm sorry, Florence.

But welcome
to the club.

I'll never forget the day
I found out

I was less than nothing.

It was just my second day
on the job.

I held the door open for
Mr. Whittendale and said,

"Good morning, sir.
Lovely day, isn't it?"

And he said to me,

"How could that possibly
matter to you?"

Aw.

But what happened to me
hurt even worse.

I mean, I got snubbed
by people I thought
were my friends.

It was bad enough
that the Willises did it,

but the Jeffersons were
standing right there.

They knew I was hurt.
They didn't say a word.

Well, I tried
to warn you, kid.

But you had to
find out on your own

that your employers
can't be your friends.

Yeah, my "friends"
are upstairs
eating prime rib,

and I'm down here eating
"Mrs. O'Reilly's
Frozen Fish Parts".

I love her pork parts.

You know,
they even had the nerve
to ask me to serve,

and then I could stay
after for dessert.

Ain't that a blip?

Those heartless,
unfeeling...

If it's cake, will you
save me a piece?

Ralph, I ain't
going up there.

They can have their own
dinner party without me.

They'd rather have it
that way, anyway.

Yeah. Who needs 'em.

Florence,

I think this occasion
calls for a toast.

To what?

To your awakening.
Florence, you may be dirt,

but by God at least
now you know it.

What've we got to drink?

-Well, is wine okay?
-Perfect.

Well, I don't know, Ralph.

Uh, that belongs
to Mr. Jefferson.

He'll never miss it.

Besides,

you bought him
a box of donuts.
I'd say you're even.

Right.

Hey, is that supposed
to be some of
that good wine?

Well, let me say this.

You can always
tell a good $
bottle of wine.

How?

It's $ better
than this one.

To you, Florence.

No, to me and you.

To all the people
who do the dirty jobs

for the people
who eat prime rib.

To the unappreciated.

To the misunderstood.

What? I didn't
understand you.

I said,
"To the misunderstood".

Oh, yeah.
To the common man.

The underdog,
the pheasants and
the towndrodden.

So.

Are you going to eat
that fish part or what?

To Mrs. O'Reilly.

Slaving away in the kitchen,

freezing gills and fins,

and a whole bunch
of her own parts.

To Mrs. O'Reilly.
This crud's for you.

I don't know, Ralph.

I thought I was a friend
of the Jettisons.

I mean, the Justasons.

The folks who live here.

What you doing, Ralph?

Probing for change.
Go ahead.

I don't know.
I cook for 'em.
I clean for 'em.

I even darn the holes
in that little man's socks.

And for what, Florence?

I ask you, for what?

For the last time, Ralph,

I ain't gonna
tell you what the
Jesserson's pay me.

Ah, what's the diff?

The point is,
do we get respect?

Heck-ee, no.

You got it, sister.

I mean, day in day out,
it's nothing but,

"Ralph, bring this.
Ralph, fetch that.
Ralph, unzip this."

Unzip?

That's the...
That's the
divorcee in C.

I didn't mean
to let that slip.

Ralph.

Don't worry,
nothing happened.

Well, you was
probably just tired.

I can't believe
they don't like me.

How could I be so wrong?

I just wish
there was a way I could
show them people.

Just how...
How hurt I am.

Tell 'em.

I don't know.

-Tell 'em.
-You think so?

-Tell 'em!
-All right.

-I will.
-It's your decision.

Right, it's my decision.

And I've decided to
march right up there,

and tell them people that
I've been pushed too far.

Beautifully put.

Florence, as a fellow
working person,

let me open
that door for you.

It would be an honor.

Thank you.

Go get 'em, Flo.

Give 'em a piece of your mind.

Right, Raph.

I wonder who
the new maid will be.

Jenny, you did
a beautiful job
with the cake.

Oh, thank you.
I wanted it
to be perfect.

Oh, it looksso good,

it's almost
a shame to eat it.

No, it is not.

In fact, I see
the piece I want.

Now you guys
can have the "We",

and I'll eat
"Love you, Florence".

Oh, Daddy.

Oh, Tom, just calm down,
and please take off
that silly hat.

Come on, Helen.
This hat is fun.

I just love the sound
it makes when I go...

Oh.

Hey, Willis,
why don't you
take off your belt?

I like the sound
your belly makes
when it hits the floor.

What can I say?

I'm a hit at parties.

You know, Helen,

it was really nice of you
to do all this for Florence.

Well, she's such
a dear person

and we just wanted
her to know how much
we appreciate her.

We got some presents,
and Jenny even designed
an outfit for her.

-Oh.
-Oh, yeah.

I hope she likes it.

Well, it's very elegant,

and I think
she'll look beautiful in it.

Huh. Does it
cover her face?

-No.
-Back to the drawing board.

Now, listen, everybody.
When Florence rings the bell,

I'm gonna
turn out the lights,

and then we can
all hide and yell,
"Surprise".

What do you say?

I say, where's Florence?

There's a prime rib just
drying up in the oven.

Uh-oh, Ma,
Daddy's getting that
look in his eye again.

Well it is getting late.

George, maybe you
should go and find out
what's keeping Florence.

I know what's keeping her.
Preservatives.

Never mind. I'll go.

-Good evening.
-Oh, Florence!

-Sorry I'm late.
-Oh.

-JENNY: Florence!
-TOM: Oh, no.

Yes, 'tis I.

So sorry to
disappoint you.

Well, yes.

We were hoping
you'd ring the bell
so we could hide.

You people don't even
have the decency
to be subtle.

Well, if you'd be so kind
as to sit down,

I've got something
I'd like to get off my chest.

I hope it ain't hair.

Go ahead. Put me down.
That's all you've ever done.

Florence, you're drunk.

Sure, I'm drunk,
on the outside.

But on the inside, I'm...

Blottom.

I'll get it.

You wanna know why
I've been drinking?

-Because I'm hurt.
-Hmm.

I realize I'm just
an employee,

but I've got feelings.

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, feelings

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, feelings

And you're gonna
hear how I feel.

And Ralph said he feels
the same way as me.

That was Ralph
on the phone.

He said, "Don't listen
to Florence, she's drunk."

Florence, what's
all this about?

What this is about,
this is about time
I told you people off.

So here it goes.

You, and you,

and you, and you,
and you, and you.

All of you.

You people are
the, the best.

And I love you.

Why don't you like me?

Uh, Florence, I think
there's something we
should tell you...

You don't have to
tell me nothing.

Tonight told me everything
I need to know.

Look at that cake.

Yeah, just look at it.

"We love you, Florence."

Why couldn't that
cake be for me?

Huh?

Surprise.

What's going on up here?

This was supposed
to be a surprise
party for you.

For me? Why?

Well, like the cake
says, we love you.

But I thought...
I mean...

-Oh.
- Aw.

Thank you.

-Thank you.
-Oh, Florence.

After the way
I behaved, I feel...

Hungry?

No, silly.

And seeing how
y'all feel about me
makes me feel...

Hungry?

No, warm inside.

Ooh, that could be hunger.

Let's eat!

I'll go crack open
a bottle of wine.

Oh, no wine
for me, thanks.

I've had enough
wine already.

Uh... Which wine?

Oh, me and Ralph drank
that bottle of wine
you had on the bar.

What's the matter
with you?

It wasn't nothing
but a $ bottle of wine.

That wine cost me
$ , fool!

$ ? You the fool.