08x09 - A Whole Lot of Trouble

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin'
on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot
of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Hey, Florence,
I need your help.

Okay, Mr. Jefferson,
but this is the last time.

Now, your right shoe goes
on your right foot.

Pay attention now 'cause
this is the tricky part.

Your left shoe goes on
your left foot!

Look, I know which foot
is which.

This is the foot
that's gonna kick you
out of the house

and this is the foot
that's gonna dance
when you're gone.

Look, I need your help
on what to get Weezy
for her birthday.

Oh, that's easy.
A new husband.

Look, Mr. Jefferson,

I'm sure if you
ask her she'll just say,

"Shorty,"

"I have everything in the
world I could possibly want."

"So why don't you
get a Mercedes for our
wonderful maid."

Nice try, Florence.

Now try the door.

Get it yourself.
What?

You ain't getting me nothing
for your wife's birthday.

You called,
Mr. Jefferson, sir.

Yeah, Ralph, look,
I need your help.

Today's Weezy's
birthday, and...

Her birthday?
I had no idea.

Why, you'd never know
she was getting older.

That woman hasn't
aged a bit,

why her beauty is eternal.

She ain't
here, Ralph.

Oh, in that case, how
is Mrs. Jefferson enjoying
her golden years, sir?

Never mind. I want you to get
Weezy something from me.

Okay?
Yes, sir.

Here's $ .

My, but you're kind
and considerate
and thoughtful, sir.

Now, where's the money
for the gift?

That's it. Now go down
to the jewelry store
and pick out something nice.

Yes, sir.

And remember, whatever
change you got left over
you just keep it.

Will do, sir.

And might I add

I feel honored to
be choosing a gift

for so lovely and charming
a woman as your wife.

Huh. I told you,
she ain't here.

I know, sir. But I thought
you might quote me.

Hello... Oh, hi, Curt.

Hey, you did?
How much?

Terrific...
Fantastic! Goodbye.

Whoo!

What're you so happy about?
That was my accountant.

I just picked up a piece
of property for a song.

Now I can open up
a new store!

Hey that's great news,
Mr. Jefferson.

Yeah, well its
good news for the
Jefferson's Cleaners.

The cleaners? I'm happy 'cause
every time you open a new store,
you stay away from home.

Okay, you look, you can
make fun of me if you want

but this store is on the
West Side over by the docks.

But don't it bother you
that that's right over there
by Hell's Kitchen?

Florence, with your cooking,
every time I eat breakfast,
I'm in Hell's Kitchen.

Besides, I already got one
store over there.

And, if I open another one,
then I'll have

two stores.

Very good.

You'll be putting on your
own shoes in no time.

I don't know why
I'm wasting my time
talking to you.

Well, how'd you find an
empty lot like that over
in a crowded neighborhood?

Well, it's not exactly
completely empty.

I mean like, um,
these kids put up
a basketball hoop

and they sort of use it
as a playground, you know.

You mean you're gonna
kick a bunch of kids
out onto the street

just so you can open yourself
up another store?

Absolutely.

Well, when your
judgment day comes,

I sure hope I'm doing
jury duty.

Thank you.

No, Tom, I don't feel
another year older.

It's just that everybody else
looks one year younger.

Ah, come on, Louise,
you're not getting older.
You're getting better.

Right, dear?

Look how great Helen is.

You know, Tom, there's a
right way to say things.

And a wrong way
to say things.

I'm sorry, dear.
It's okay.

I just want you to have
something to think about
while you're in traction.

I'll get it.

So, Louise,

what is George getting
you for your birthday?

Oh, I don't know.

But I'm sure whatever it is,
it'll be thoughtful, sincere

and, hopefully, returnable.

Now, you probably know by
now what Helen and I
are getting you.

That woman just
can't keep a secret.

No. She didn't say a thing.

I thought as soon as she
got home from Bergdorf's

she'd come running right down
to tell you all about it.

Bergdorf's, huh?

Yes. They're having a sale
of beautiful

hand-painted Portuguese
tea sets.

Well, she didn't
mention it to me.

Well, how about that?

This year you'll actually
be surprised.

Well, I have some bad news.

Let me guess.
George is coming over.

No, it's worse than that.

Louise, you know the
playground over by the docks,

where we were planning
to have the Help Center's
Youth Fair?

Yeah.

Well, the lot's been sold,

and the new owner's
planning to use the
property for business.

Well, wasn't he told
about the kids?

That they need
a place to play?

Well, it's obvious
whoever he is,

just doesn't care.

What a cold-hearted monster.

You can say that again.

What a cold-hearted monster.

Hello, George.
Hey, Weez!

Ain't it
a beautiful day?
Put a sock in it.

But, Weezy,
if I put a sock in it,

you won't be able to hear
the fantastic news

about the new business deal
I made today.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, I've got
something else on my mind.

I know, I know.

You're all depressed because
today's your birthday

and you're getting old.

But look at it this way.

You ain't nowhere near as old
as you're gonna be.

I've got Mrs. Jefferson's
gift, sir.

Oh, perfect timing, Ralph.

Hey, Weezy, look, this is
something to cheer you up.

Uh, fine. Well, you won't be
needing me, sir, so I'll...

No, no, stick around!
Here, Weez, open it up.

Okay. Thank you, George.

I really appreciate this.

I'm sorry I'm not
in a better mood.

But I know I'm going
to enjoy this...

Cigarette lighter?

A cigarette lighter?
Hey, look, Ralph,
I gave you $ !

Well, sir, you'll notice,
underneath the cotton,

there is five
extra flints.

Those are from me,
Mrs. Jefferson.

Thank you.
Good night, sir.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Let me see the receipt!

Receipt?

I seem to have lost
the little dickens.

But I believe
the price was in the
neighborhood of , ...

Oh, look, the price is
still on the lighter. $ . .

Ralph!

Uh, sir?

If memory serves me, you did
mention something about

my keeping the change?

I want my $ back.

That'll leave me
with only a nickel.

And your life.

A bargain, sir. Oh!

I almost forgot
to add the sales tax.

Oh, well.

Look, Weezy, I know this
ain't much of a gift. Here.

Oh, what the heck.
Why don't you keep the change?

From me to you.

Oh, George...

What's the matter?

I'm just upset about the
bad news I got today.

Oh, well, this ain't gonna
make you feel no better.

Now, tell me
all the bad news.

Well, I was upstairs...

But hurry it up, will you?
I wanna tell you my good news.

Well, you know that
every year the Help Center
has a Youth Fair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you also know

that every year
we hold it at a lot

where the kids turned into a
playground over by the docks.

Well, we heard today
the lot's been sold

and some cold-hearted
monster is putting up
a business instead.

George, is there
something wrong?

Nope.

But you said you
had some good news.

I did? Oh.

I can't remember.

Well, I guess it wasn't
that important, huh?

Oh, Mr. Jefferson,

while you were
in the bathroom,
your accountant came by

with the deed to that
property you bought today.

Property?
What property?

George, what's
going on?

Nothing, Weez.

Florence is just flirting
with death, that's all.

Ten minutes ago
you were jumping up
and down like Donald Duck

about putting some kids
off their playground
so you could

build yourself
another store.

Son of a g*n.

That's what I forgot
to tell you about.

You're the one who bought
our playground?

You're the
cold-hearted monster?

That's me, Weez.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson,

did I let something slip,
and get you in trouble?

Yes!

I'm so sorry.

Look, Weez,
you let me explain.

George, how can you
take that lot away
from the kids?

Look, Weezy,
I love children.

Nobody dirties clothes
better than they do.

But I'm a
businessman.

And a businessman
can't make no money
being sentimental.

Unless, of course,
your name is Hallmark.

I don't believe it.

Of all the awful,
selfish things

you've ever done,
this is a new low.

Weezy, you're not
taking this too good.

George, you've made
this the worst birthday
I've ever had.

Don't worry.
She's mad now.

But I know my Weezy.
She'll cool off in
a couple of hours.

Look, Louise.

I know George
is being rotten, stubborn,
and irritating.

But after all he's only
doing what he does best.

Couldn't you get him
to budge at all?

I tried.

I even begged him
to change his mind

in the name
of philanthropy.

And?

He said this had nothing
to do with religion.

Oh, hi, Florence.
Where have you been?

Oh, I had to get
some candles for
your birthday cake.

What?
Well, really, Florence,

one candle would
have been sufficient.

Oh, no, Miss Jefferson,
you're special.

And I wanted to make
sure you had a candle for
every year of your life.

Even if I had to buy out
every store in town.

Gee, thanks.

Florence, she's still
upset about George
and the playground.

Well, if Mr. Jefferson's
really bugging you,

why don't you
just do what I do?

Pretend he
ain't there.

With George,
that's impossible.

No, it ain't.
Just don't look down.

But isn't it a terrible
thing to do?

Ignoring George?

Yes. It's cruel.

It's inhuman.

It'll drive him crazy.

ALL: Let's do it.

Hey, Florence, thanks.

Oh, I had a little trouble
finding my keys, so...

Nobody's there.

That's it, Weez,

the last straw.

Florence's mind is gone.
And I want her body
out of here too.

Helen, your hair
looks beautiful today.

Oh, thank you,
Louise.

Here, Weez, I got you
the greatest present
in the whole world.

Tom, did I ever tell
you how nice you
look in blue?

Oh, he looks fat
in all colors.

Louise, I just
love your dress.

Hey, what's going
on here? I'm talking,

and ain't nobody
paying me no attention!

FLORENCE: Okay,
here I come.

Gee, look at
all the candles.

I'll have to
count by tens.

Ten, , ...

Did you make
a wish, Louise?

Yeah. I wished there
weren't so many candles.

Happy birthday, Weez.

Oh, dear.

The plates so clean I
can see my reflection.

Oh! Now I get it.

You're all trying to
ignore me, right?

Right?

Okay. Well, I'll show you

that George Jefferson ain't
that easy to ignore.

Oh, boy, that cake
looks delicious.

I can't wait to dig in.

And the decorations
are so original.

Don't you
think so, Louise?

Yeah.

It's almost a shame
to cut into it.

Okay, so that face
ain't funny, huh?

Try this one.

Okay, Florence.
I know how to keep
you from ignoring me.

Florence, maybe
you can help me out.

Do I have
a big mouth?

Thanks.
That was close.

You're welcome.

Okay, Weezy, I saved
my big g*n for last.

I know you can't
possibly ignore this.

Oh, come on, Louise.

I want you to open
our present.

Oh, yeah,

are you ever going
to be surprised when
you see what's in that.

Oh, you mean
the hand-painted
Portuguese tea set?

You told her!

Okay, Weezy, if you
don't want to open it,
I'll open it for you. Okay?

Hey!

It sounds expensive.

It feels expensive.

Whoa, it
is expensive.

Okay, Willis,
what do you think?

It's beautiful, George.
Give me some more cake...

Helen, what do
you think?

I think my
husband's a failure

compared to you, George.

True, true.

How about
you, Florence?

Oh, Mr. Jefferson,
that's beautiful.

How do they make
one of them?

You shave your legs and
you glue it to some cloth.

Look, Weezy,
it's your present.

What do you
think of it?

Well, George.

You're the best husband
in the whole world

and this makes up
for that stupid
playground thing.

Right? Right?

Oh, come on, Weezy,
this thing cost $ , !

Helen, I love
this tea set.

Oh, I'm glad.
I hoped you would.

FLORENCE:
It's beautiful.
Yes.

Okay, that's it,
that's it.

I don't care, you don't
have to talk to me.
I'm leaving.

I'm going someplace
where I'm somebody.

My vacant lot!

BOY: Put it up, man!

Oh, yeah.
Good game, you guys.

I'll catch you later, man.
Nice try.

Hey, hey, that's not
too bad for a rookie.

A rookie?

Okay, short stuff.
Hit or miss for a buck?

Hit or miss?
Yeah.

One shot,
from right here.

Okay.
You got it.

You missed!

That's right.
So where's my buck?

What do you mean,
"your buck"?

I said the game
was hit or miss.

And, see, I missed,
so you lose.

Oh, real cute.

Here.

Thanks, fish.

You wanna sh**t?
Yeah, I don't mind
if I do.

Not so fast, Doctor J.

That'll be a buck
for the ball.

Oh, you're a regular little
hustler, ain't you? Here.

And remember.
You're only renting.

Ha!

Hey, hey, hey.

All right.

How did you like
that dunk shot?

Better enjoy it
while you can.

Because this place
ain't gonna be here
too much longer.

Some fancy pants bought it
and gonna put up a store.

Huh.

Any idea who this
fancy pants is?

Aw, man, who cares?

The bottom line is
the man giveth and
the man taketh away.

Yeah, but this place
ain't nothin'.

I know this neighborhood.
There's a whole lot of places
around here to play ball.

Name one.
Okay.

How about that place over
there on th Street?

It's a gas
station now.

Oh, well, what about
the one on Tenth Avenue?

Gas station.

Well, how about
that big playground
over on rd Street?

Well, now,
that's a restaurant.

But you can get
gas there, too.

You mean to tell me
that this place is it?

No, I mean to tell you
that this place was it.

Of course, the dude
who's buying it
wouldn't know that.

Probably the closest he's ever
come to Hell's Kitchen

is eating his
maid's cooking.

You got that right.

But look, ain't you being
kind of hard on this guy?

He could be
a nice dude, you know.

Hey, man, let me
tell you a little
about rich people.

What's gold is bold,

what's green is keen,

but what's black
stays back. Every time.

Oh. Look, see,
you know,

when you grow up,
things start
looking different.

Hey, it's gonna look
the same to me.

'Cause when I get rich,
I ain't gonna be
like everybody else.

I'm gonna
come back here.

I'm gonna buy back
this lot,

I'm gonna tear down
whatever they put up

and I'm gonna give
it back to the kids.

Now, picture this.

The Leonard
McAllister Playground.

Leonard McAllister, huh?

Hey, I'm George Jefferson.

Jefferson? The
Jefferson Cleaner dude?

Oh, yeah.
You heard of me?

Yeah, your old lady works
down at the Help Center.

Everybody around here
goes to your store.

And you're rich!

Yeah, I guess I'm kind of
a hero around here, huh?

Times are tough.
And you're all we've got.

Listen, you got big bucks.

Can't you make that clown
go buy some place else
and leave us alone?

Well, clown is
kind of a harsh word.

Well, please?
He doesn't understand this
kind of stuff like you and me.

I'm sorry, kid.

Aw, what's the use.

Those who got, get more.

Those who ain't,
get the door.

Hey, look here, Leonard.
Yeah.

How'd you like to get
a head start on getting rich?

I could use a good
delivery boy.

All right!
Hey, hey. Now wait.

I bet you a buck that
I can jump from here
out to that van.

Wait a second.
Let me get this straight.

You're gonna
jump from here

all the way
to that van, right?

Right.

You got
it, homeboy.

Hi, Weez.

Hi, George.

Hey, you're
talking to me.

I'm talking at you,

much as you
would to a wall.

What about you, Florence?
You still mad at me too?

Well, let's just
say that

even though you
missed dinner,
I kept this warm for you.

Great.
What is it?

Ice cream.

Get that, Weezy.
It's for you.

How do you know?

I don't have
any friends, remember?

Oh, yes.

Hi, is there someone
here called Weezy?

Uh, yes.
That's me.

Ah. I have a
delivery for you.
Happy birthday.

Oh, wait a minute.

George, aren't you
going to tip him?
Huh?

Oh, that's okay, lady.
My boss pays me real good.

I wonder who
this is from?

Probably somebody
thoughtful, considerate,

and good-looking, too.

No, it's from you.

"Dear Weezy,
I lone you."

That's "love."

I love you.

But, George,

this is the deed
to the playground.

Yeah. I hope
the kids enjoy it.

But, I don't understand.

Well, see, Weezy,
I couldn't very well
open up a new store

if I figured it was
gonna make you unhappy.

Oh, George, thank you.

What changed
your mind?

Your delivery boy.
Happy birthday, Weez.

Oh, George, this is...

You've made this
the best birthday
I've ever had.

FLORENCE: Miss Jefferson,
I'm going to choir practice.

Okay, Florence.

But wear something warm.
It's chilly outside.

Don't worry, I am.

Florence,

that's my mink stole.

Yours? How can you
get a mink stole

from somebody
who don't exist?

I mean,
Miss Jefferson, really!