04x02 - Theogate

[bunniefuu]

Clair:
Rudy.

Is Theo Home?

No.

Are We Late
For Vanessa's Play?

We Better Not Be.

We May Have To Leave
Without Him.

My Fine, Fellow Patrons
Of The Arts

Are We Ready For A Rousing
Evening Of Musical Theater?

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

All Right!

Did You Tell Theo To Come Home

After That Meet?

I Told Him : .

Maybe The Meet Ran Late.

I'll Write Him A Note.

We Have To Leave.

I Can't Wait To See
Vanessa In The Play.

We'll Whistle At Her
When She's Onstage.

No, You Can't Whistle.

( Speaking In British Accent )
Let Me Tell You Something

About When You
Go To The Theater.

You Must Comport Yourself
In The Proper Manner.

You Sit All Like This
When You're At The Theater.

Yes.

Relax
A Little.

That's It.

When We See Something We Like

We Don't Whistle.

We Don't Stamp Our Feet.

We Applaud Like This

And We Say,
"Bravo."

Bravo.
Bravo.
Bravo.

And "Fantastic."

Fantastic.
Fantastic.
Fantastic.

Marvelous.

Marvelous.
Marvelous.
Marvelous.

I Say.

I Say.
I Say.
I Say.

Okay, I Finished The Note.

Hi.

Theo, Why Are You So Late?

We Had Trouble
Getting Home.

What A Mess.

We're Leaving.

Let's Go.

Okay.

Cliff:
Where Are You Going?

Your Mother Said We're Leaving.

Can't We Get
Something To Eat?

The Coach Buys The Team Burgers
After Every Meet.

Yeah, But We're
Still Hungry.
Starved.

You've Got Five Seconds.

Grab Something,
And Then Let's Go.

And I'm
Counting.

One.

How Can Those Boys
Eat Hamburgers

And Still Be Hungry?

You Run h Miles

You Need Something
To Supplement The Meal.

Come On, You Guys, Let's Go.

We're Going To Be Late!

Ladies And Gentlemen

Introducing The First Lady
Of Musical Theater

The Inimitable,
The Indestructible

The Unsinkable
Dame Vanessa Huxtable.

Bravo!
Bravo!

Good Show, I Say!

Oh, Vanessa

I Have Seen Many, Many
Productions Of South Pacific

But This Was By Far
My Favorite.

Thank You.

There's So Much Talent
In Your Class.

Thanks, Mom.

Too Bad You Missed

The First Part Of My Song, Theo.

I'm Sorry I Made Us Late.

I Tried To Get Home On Time.

I Even Left Circus Burger
Without Eating.

You Walked In
In The Middle Of My Only Number

Just As I Was Saying,
"Pourquoi, Pourquoi."

It Was In French.

Nobody Cared
What You Were Saying, Anyway.

No, Wait.

We've Had A Wonderful Evening.

Don't Ruin It.

I'll Go Take
My Makeup Off.

Come On, Rudy, I'll
Tell You What It's Like

Being Adored By
Hundreds Of People.

I'm Going To Get Something
To Drink.

We Only Have Five Quarts Of Milk
And Two Gallons Of Juice Left.

Right, Dad.

Oh...

My Head.

What?

Oh, My Head.

I Don't Mind Having To Listen To
Some -Year-Old Sing And Dance

But When They Pick Up
A Musical Instrument

It Tears Me Apart.

It Sounded Like

Somebody Sat On
A Rocking Chair

And Caught Cats
By The Tail.

Cliff, Theo Said Something
That's Got Me Puzzled.

Theo Was Minutes Late
Getting Home.

He Said He Ate At Circus Burger.

Now He Says

He Didn't Eat
After The Track Meet.

Sometimes You Can't
Remember If You Ate.

There's Something Going On
Besides A Lack Of Oxygen.

I'm Going
To Ask Him.

But My Head...

It Won't Go Anywhere.

I Don't Know About That.

It Might Go Upstairs.

Theo?

Don't Worry, Mom.

I'll Save Some For Breakfast.

Thank You.

Didn't You Say
You Ate At Circus Burger?

I Said We Went There.

I Didn't Eat.

You Didn't Eat Anything?

The Coach Said To Get On The
Bus Before We Got Our Burgers.

Why Would The Coach Make
Everybody Get On The Bus

Before They Ate?

He Didn't Do It To Everybody.

How Many?

Two.

Hey, Theo, Come Here.

Come Here.

Yeah?

Only You And Cockroach?

Yeah, It Was Strange.

Cockroach And I Were
Waiting For Our Burgers

When Suddenly Coach Comes In And
Yells, "Everybody, That's It.

We're Leaving."

That's Not Proper Behavior
For A Coach.

I Know, But It's A Difficult
Time For Him Right Now.

It Is?

Some Of The Guys Said
That He's Having Problems

With His Wife.

So I Guess It All Just Built Up

Until He
Lost His Mind.

Do You Think
We Should Call Somebody

Who Can Talk To Him?

No, I Wouldn't Do That.

Coach Is Still Doing
A Great Job.

We're Loyal
To Him.

We'll Wait Until He Gets Over
His Emotional Problems.

I See.

Well, I'm Beat.

Good Night.

Mm-Hmm.

Cliff, There's Something
Going On Here

And Theo Is Not Telling Us
The Whole Story.

If You Don't Mind

As Far As I'm Concerned,
The Boy Was Minutes Late.

I Don't Know...

To A Father

He Was Just
Minutes Late.

But To A Mother,
It's "Why Was He Late?"

Hey, Rudy.

You Got A Phone Call.

From Who?

Mr. Lukins.

Mr. Lukins?

Right. Your Principal.

Do Mom And Dad Know?

No.

Good.

You Must Be In Big Trouble.

Rudy, Cut That Out, Okay?

And Please Don't Tell Anybody
About This.

Hello, Everybody.

Hi, Mom.

Were There Any
Phone Calls?

One For You.

And One I Shouldn't Mention.

You Keep That One,
But Who Called Me?

Aunt Sarah.

She'll Call You Back Later.

Okay, Thank You.

How Did I Do?

Good. Thanks.

I Hope Mom Doesn't
Look At The Refrigerator.

Why?

That's Where I Left
The Message For You

That Mr. Lukins
Called.

Hi, Mom.

I Want Something To Drink.

I'll Get It.

No, I'll Get It.

Drink Your Water.

Hi, Son.

Hey, Dad.

How Was Track Practice?

Oh, Good. Excellent.

Coach Behave Himself?

Yeah, He Was Fine.

Theo, Did You Get The Message
That Mr. Lukins Called You?

Who?

That Message That You
Stuck In Your Pocket.

Oh, Yeah.

Thanks.

Mr. Lukins, The Principal?

What's That Call About?

I Don't Know, Dad.

Maybe You Made The Honor Roll.

( Nervous Laugh )

Maybe He Wants You To
Speak At The Graduation.

( Very Nervous Laugh )

Could This Call Be Related
To Your Lateness Yesterday?

I Bet Coach Got In Trouble For
What He Did At Circus Burger

And Mr. Lukins Called Me
To Check The Story.

If Anything Happened Yesterday,
Now Is A Good Time To Tell Us.

There's Nothing To Tell.

So We Know Everything
That We Should Know...

...About Yesterday.

Yes, You Know Everything
About Yesterday.

You're Sure?

Why Are You So Suspicious?

I Was A Couple Of Minutes Late.

I Don't Get It.

I'm , You Know.

I'm An Adult.

You're Treating Me
Like I'm Some Kid.

Theo Is Not Telling
Us The Truth

And I Am Going To Find Him Out.

He Wants To
Be Treated

Like An Adult?

Okay, I'll Treat Him
Like An Adult.

What Are You Going To Do?

You Will See.

I'm An Adult.

You Can Tell Me.

You'll See When
You're Supposed To See.

I'm Years Old.

Hey, Dad.

You're Getting
A Special Dinner.

Really?

Pancakes, French Fries,
Bacon-Burgers.

Whoa! For Dinner?

Why You Doing
All This?

I Think Your Life
Is Going To Change Very Soon.

I Want You
To Remember

The Good Things
About Living Here.

Oh, Okay.

Theo.

Just The Person I'm Looking For.

I Don't Understand
About Yesterday...

Your Lateness,
Circus Burgers, Everything.

So I Thought One Way To Get
To The Bottom Of All This

Would Be To Call
Mr. Lukins Myself.

Did You?

No, Because
That's Not How

We Do Things In This Family.

I'm Glad, Mom.

Some People
Check On Their Kids

And That Tears The Family Apart.

Yeah.

But I Am Having A Hard Time

Understanding What Happened.

So You Leave Me No Choice.

Here.

What's This?

"Summons"?

Brilliant.

"You, The Defendant,
Theodore Aloysius Huxtable

"Are Directed To Appear In
The Family Court Of Brooklyn

"Located In The Huxtable
Living Room

"Where You
Will Be Tried

Before A Jury Of Your Peers."

This Is A Joke?

No.

What's The Charge?

Read On.

"You Are Charged With
Telling Half-Truths

And Other Crimes
Against Your Parents."

Magnificent.

You're Putting
Theo On Trial?

Yes.

This Is Unbelievable.

You Guys Do
The Craziest Things.

I Love This House.

Walter, I'm So Happy
You Feel That Way.

This Is For You.

Welcome To The Family, Walter.

Whoa.

Mom Is Definitely Serious.

Can We Handle This?

After All Those Courtroom
Shows We've Seen On Tv?

Good Afternoon, Mister Huxtable,
Mister Bradley.

She Called Us "Mister."

We're Dead.

She's Trying
To Rattle You.

With Me As Your Attorney,
Don't Worry.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

The Court Is
Now In Session.

We'll Be Hearing The Case Of The
Family Versus Theodore Huxtable.

All Rise And Stand
For The Judge.

No, I Object.

Ha Ha Ha!

Don't Get On The
Judge's Bad Side.

I Apologize, Your Honor.

I'm Very Pleased
You're Our Judge.

Don't Let It
Happen Again.

Yes, Your Honor.

Bailiff, Bring In The Jury.

Jury.

That's The Jury?

You Better Object Now.

This Is Perfect.

I Know What
To Say To Kids.

The Court Will Come To Order.

Jury, First You Will Hear
From Mrs. Clair Huxtable

Attorney For The Prosecution.

Mom.

Lady And Gentlemen Of The Jury

I Hope To Prove
Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt

That This Young Man,
Theodore Aloysius Huxtable

Has Been Knowingly
And Shamelessly

Telling His Parents Half-Truths
And Other Deceptions.

Is That Clear?

When Do We Say
Theo Is Guilty?

Objection.

Would The Prosecuting Attorney
Call Her First Witness?

I Call To The Stand
Heathcliff Huxtable.

Me?

I'm The Bailiff.

Call Somebody Else.

You're Also My Surprise Witness.

I Won't Be
The Surprise Witness.

Make Him Take The Stand.

Bailiff, You Have
An Attitude Problem.

This Is The Second Time
I've Warned You.

Take The Stand.

Please, Daddy?

Do You Plan To
Tell The Truth?

Sit Down.

Dr. Huxtable, What Is Your
Relationship To The Accused?

He's My Son.

For Nearly Years.

Has He Mostly Been A Good Son?

Oh, Yeah... He's All Right.

Yes Or No Will Do.

Yes.

On The st Day Of This Month

Did You Tell Your Son
To Come Home On Time?

Would You Say That Something
Out Of The Ordinary Occurred?

Yes.

No Further Questions.

Dr. Huxtable

You May Not Leave
Until I Say, "Step Down."

Well, Say "Step Down."

I Can't.

You Have To Be
Cross-Examined.

Your Witness,
Cockroach.

Cockroach?

Dr. Huxtable

Do You Know
Why Your Son

Went Out For The
Cross-Country Team?

Uh, The...

You're Under Oath.

Why Did Your Son Go Out
For The Cross-Country Team?

I Know I'm Under Oath.

Isn't It True
You Were So Desperate

To Have Your Son
On The Team

That You Promised
To Buy Him A Car?

Cliff!

Answer The Question.

Boy, I'll Tell
You Something!

( Pounding Desk
With Pencil Holder )

Answer
The Question.

Come On, Dad.

Yes, I Promised
My Son A Car

If He Went Out
For The Team.

Lady And Gentlemen
Of The Jury

If Theo Had Never
Joined The Team

He Wouldn't Have Been
Late On That Night.

He Joined The Team

Because His Father
Promised Him A Car.

Therefore, I Conclude
If Any Crime Was Committed

It Was Committed
By... This Man.

He's The
Guilty One!

I Rest My Case.

You'll Rest

Something Else Later, Sporty.

Order.

I Call To The Stand
Mr. Theodore Huxtable.

Theodore Huxtable To The Stand.

You Promise
To Say It?

I Do.

There
You Go.

Did You Tell Me

Your Coach Was Having
Domestic Problems?

Yes.

How Did You Know?

From A Reliable Source.

Who?

Cockroach.

You Heard From Cockroach

That Your Coach Had
Domestic Problems?

He Read That When You Have
Domestic Problems

You Take It Out On Others.

Coach Always Takes
Things Out On Us.

You Don't Know If The Coach
Has Domestic Problems?

Well, No.

What You Told Me
Wasn't A Lie

But Not
The Truth?

Let's Go To Another Subject--

Circus Burgers.

Do You Love Circus Burgers?

Not As Much As I Love
My Parents...

My Sisters...

And Their Friends.

But You Do Love Them?

Yes...
If You Can Love A Hamburger.

You Were Excited

When The Cross-Country Team

Went To Circus Burger Yesterday.

Yes.

You Rushed In?

Were You First?

We're Not The Fastest Guys

So We Were In The Middle.

But You Said Yesterday
That You And Walter

Were The Only Team Members
Who Didn't Get To Eat.

Yeah.

How Did Team Members
Behind You Get Their Burgers

And You Didn't Get Yours?

They're Animals, They'll Do
Anything For Circus Burgers

And You Wouldn't?

Not By Being Impolite.

Last Week I Saw You
Push Your Father Aside

And Step On Your
Little Sister

To Get In Front Of
The Circus Burger Line.

Well, Yeah, But I Was Hungry.

You Weren't Hungry Yesterday?

Well, I Was...

Something Prevented You From
Getting Your Circus Burger.

Something Out
Of The Ordinary.

What Was
That Something?

No Money?

You Became A Vegetarian?

You Forgot How To Order?

Your Feet Fell Asleep?

Were You In The
"Milk Shake Only" Line?

Or Were You Tackled
By The Circus Burger Clown?

Hey, Mom, Stop.

I'm Not Some Criminal.
I'm Your Kid.

No, You're Not.

I'm Treating You Like An Adult.

You Treat Adults This Way?

In Court, Yes.

Now Will You
Tell The Truth

Or Do I Play Rough?

Okay, I'll Talk.

We Didn't Mean Any Harm.

If We Knew This Would Happen,
We Wouldn't Have Done It.

What Did You Do?

There Was This Overweight Girl
Behind The Counter.

Cockroach And I
Made Jokes About Her.

We Didn't Think
She Heard Us.

Some Other Guys Started Laughing

So We Told More Jokes.

By The Time We Got To The Front
Of The Line, She Was Crying.

I Guess She Overheard Us.

That's Why Your Coach
Yelled At You.

Yeah.

He Took Everybody Else Home

And Gave Us A Long Lecture.

And You Were Late.

Yeah.

What Happened Today?

We Didn't Go To Practice.

After The Lecture,
The Coach Took Our Uniforms.

So You're Off The Team.

I'm Sorry I Kept It From You.

How Many Times Do We Have To
Tell You To Tell The Truth?

When You Don't Tell The Truth,
Your Life Falls Apart.

The Past Few Days
You've Been Scrambling

And Covering
Your Tracks

Giving All
This Deception.

None Of This Would Have Happened

If You'd Told Us Everything
From The Beginning.

That's What I'm
Trying To Say.

Do You
Understand?

Yeah.

Does Everybody Here
Understand?

Huh?

Were You Listening To Me?

Yeah.

What Did I Say?

I Don't Know.

Vanessa, Tell Rudy
What I Said.

Mom, I Was Concentrating
On Being A Judge.

Did Anybody Learn Anything
From All Of This?

I'll Tell The Truth.

I Don't Have The Money
To Hire A Good Lawyer.

That's Good Enough For Me.

I Withdraw My Charges.

This Trial Is Over.

Oh, Good.

We Didn't Say Theo's Guilty.

Let's Get
Some Ice Cream.

Yay!
Yay!

At The Mall?

At The Mall.

First Thing Tomorrow

I'll Go To Circus Burger
And Apologize To That Girl.

Can I Believe That?

Hey, I'm Reformed.

Dr. Huxtable, I Hope There
Are No Hard Feelings.

No, No, No.

This Was A Rewarding Experience
For Me Today.

I'm Glad To Hear That.

I Feel Like I Grow As A Person
When I'm Here.

I Hope That Whatever Was Brought
Up Here Today, Remains Here.

You Don't Want Me To Say
Anything To Your Parents?

Yeah, Correct.

Did You Understand Anything

Mrs. Huxtable Was Trying To Say?

About What?

That's What I Thought.

Let's Go Get
Some Ice Cream.