- * Once there was a captain *
* He was a serious dude *
* Well he crashed into a mountain *
* Man it lightened the mood *
* Speaking of lightening the mood *
* Speaking of thunderous joy *
* In comes Parker J, a raincloud *
* Looking for new employ *
* The beardful captain said, "Hey!" *
* The cheerful raincloud said, "Hi!" *
* They started working together *
* What a magical sight *
* The Middlemost Post, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh *
* The Middlemost Post *
* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh *
[mellow reggae music]
* *
- Hot toast coming up for the hardest working
post office on Mt. Middlemost.
- Well, technically, we're the only post office.
- Ah, don't overthink it, big guy.
- Right. - Enjoy.
- Russell, ketchup please.
Mm, ketchup,
oh, how I love you so much.
[grunting]
I don't want to alarm anyone, but we are out of ketchup!
- Calm down, kiddo.
Ketchup is not the only condiment, you know?
- Oh, really?
So there's other magical sauces that make
everything taste even more awesome than they already are?
- Well, there's always ranch.
- What is this ranch you speak of?
- [burps] [fanfare]
[sniffing]
- Tangy, sweet, and creamy.
Now, am I detecting notes of dill?
- Probably.
- Whoo-hoo! [laughs]
Whoo, ranch!
I am off to the moon!
Yip!
- Uh, Parker, Parker?
- Oh, my ranch.
Where have you been all my life?
I have to try you on everything.
[upbeat music]
* *
[crystals crunching]
- Ow.
- Sorry, Gordy, but you taste delicious with ranch.
Everything tastes delicious with ranch.
- I do taste delicious.
Hello? A little help, please!
- Yup, great on that.
Great on that. Ooh!
Really great on that.
Oh, I just want to guzzle it.
- Okay, we get it. You like ranch.
- Like ranch? [laughs]
No, I love ranch!
I don't know how I've lived this long without you, ranch.
- If you love ranch so much, why don't you marry it?
[laughs]
[tires screech]
- And do you, Parker J. Cloud,
take ranch to be your lawfully-wedded sauce
to drench and to slather
for as long as you both shall live?
- I do.
- Okay, man. Nice.
I now pronounce you cloud and ranch, man.
Yeah, now go ahead and kiss, man.
- If it's okay, I'd rather dip.
[sighs]
- I almost forgot.
As a part of the newlywed package,
you get a free private tour of Old Stinkhole.
That's pretty nice, man.
- [gasps, laughs]
Marriage is the best!
Look out, everyone, honeymooners coming through.
- Huh?
[mellow reggae music]
* *
- Lovey dovey, want something to drink?
Don't worry, babe. I got you.
BRB.
Huh, what was that?
You're gonna miss me? Well, I'm gonna miss you more.
No! I'll miss you more.
Nuh-uh, nope, I'll miss you more.
Yes, I will.
[smooching]
[slurping]
- [sighs] Yeah, yup, yup.
- Oh, hey, Terry.
Guess what? I got married.
- I see that.
- Yeah, it's pretty exciting.
- Sure, at first.
- What do you mean?
- I've seen couples like you before, kid.
When it starts out, it's all sunshine and rainbows.
Everything is new and fun.
- Yeah, yeah, it is.
- That rainbow fades away.
- [gasps] No.
- Conversations become one-sided.
Your new love will get jealous
when you try to connect with old friends.
And before you know it, the relationship will sour
and love will stink.
- No offense, Terry, but how would you know?
- I know because it happened to me.
Once upon a time, I fell madly in love with hot sauce.
Ooh-eee, it was a spicy good time.
Until it wasn't.
[kettle whistles, alarm rings]
[flatulence]
- That's you and hot sauce, Ter.
That won't be me and Ranch. Our love is forever.
Thanks for the chat.
* La-da-da-da *
- Don't say I didn't warn ya, kid.
[upbeat music]
[bell rings] - Yay!
[cheering]
* *
[bell rings] Yeah!
[smooching]
I love you, Ranch.
* *
- Is this your card? - [gasps]
How did you know?
[laughs]
- [screams]
[all screaming]
- Whoo-hoo!
* *
[bell rings] Yay!
* *
Whoo-hoo!
Wah-hoo!
* *
I'll have some steak, some fries,
some chicken wings, a little ketchup.
[dramatic music]
Oh, hey, hey, no, no.
Just an old friend. I'll put it back.
[chuckles] I don't need it.
[groans]
[bell rings] Yay.
[upbeat dance music]
[air horn blares]
Whoo-hoo! Put your clouds in the air.
[whoops]
* *
Come on, honey, dance with me.
DJ General Beats is absolutely k*lling it.
* *
No? You're just going to sit there?
Fine, no, no, no. No, I'll sit with you.
[sirens blare, crowd cheering]
- Oh, do I feel bad for anyone who's not dancing right now.
- [groans]
[game chimes]
[fly buzzes]
So what do you want to do now?
I'm good with whatever.
Kind of feel like I've been doing all the talking lately.
Is this about ketchup?
I told you ketchup means nothing to me.
[groans] I need to get some air.
No, that wasn't a dig at you. You smell fine.
I just need a moment to clear my head.
That's all. I'll be back, I promise.
[sighs]
- Hey, man, how's the honeymoon?
[slurping]
- You were right, Terry, about everything.
My relationship with Ranch has started to stink.
- I'd love to say, "I told you so."
I told you so.
- How do I get out of this, Terry?
- Relationships are hard.
The good news is, getting out of them is easy.
- Really? - Sure.
All you have to do is ghost them.
- Ghost them? Like turn them into a ghost?
Wouldn't they come back and haunt you?
- No, man, ghosting means
you never talk to or see them ever again.
Poof! You just disappear.
- But wouldn't that make them feel really, really bad?
- I don't know, that's the beauty of ghosting.
- I couldn't do that to Ranch.
We've shared too many memories together.
- Your call, kid. Oh, if you'll excuse me.
I got myself a little sweet chipotle sauce to chat up.
- Phew! It's a real scorcher out, huh?
[sighs] [groans]
- You two love birds enjoying
your private tour of Old Stinkhole?
- It's okay. - I know.
Once you take a real close look,
you realize there's not much to it.
- So true. So true.
- Okay, well, I'll leave you two be.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. [chokes]
- Ranch, there's something I need to tell you.
Don't you dare start crying
'cause if you cry then I'll cry.
Boy, this is really hard to do.
Terry said that I should ghost you but that felt wrong
and I'm still not totally positive
I even know what ghosting is.
Come on, Parker, just say it.
Rip the Band-Aid off. Speak your truth.
Ranch, I think you're great. I really do,
but I'm not sure I'm ready for marriage.
[stomach gurgles]
It makes my stomach hurt, like I ate something bad
and I don't want to do it anymore.
It's too much pressure.
[explodes]
- [groans]
- Whoa. - Ow.
- [growls]
- Phew, you feel the same way.
See, that's why I love you, Ranch, you get me.
And you taste great on everything.
- [squeaking]
- Hey, Parker, you're just in time for dinner.
Cheeseburgers and fries, a la Angus.
- Thanks, Angus. - Ooh, almost forgot.
I know how much you love ranch, kiddo.
- Not anymore, Angus. Not anymore.
- [groans] - Oh, okay then, more for me.
How about some ketchup instead?
- [gasps] I love ketchup.
How I've missed you.
Come on, there's so many things I can't wait to squirt you on.
Whoo-hoo! [horse whinnies]
- So you got any ranch?
[dramatic music]
* *
- Ryan, how long have I been complaining about
that stupid, stupid ship
and its stupid, stupid shadow freezing us out?
- Well, ever since the ship
crashed on Mt. Middlemost, sir.
- Well, today we freeze no more.
Behold!
Well, don't just stand there, pull the curtain off.
- Sorry, sir.
I didn't know I was a part of this.
- [clears throat] Behold!
The Fireplace .
People are saying it's the future of heat delivery.
- Wow, it's very large, sir.
- Yeah, no duh.
Now let's fire this bad boy up.
To never freezing our tuchuses off again.
- And to good friends who will always--
- The toast is over, Ryan. It's over.
* *
- [humming]
- Sorry to bother you, sir.
I kind of discovered something about--
But, uh, according to the manual,
it kind of says we're not supposed
to leave the fireplace unattended.
- So we didn't.
- Uh...
[doorbell rings]
- [groans]
both: [giggle]
- Okay, maybe we did.
What's the worst that could happen?
- Uh, says here in the manual, "If the fire is left unattended
"a giant, toxic cloud monster might form."
- The key word there is "might," Ryan.
Might, and I seriously doubt...
[screams]
Get rid of the fireplace, Ryan. - On it, sir.
- Oh, boy, what's going on?
This is pretty scary. I don't like...
- What do you think's going on, Angus?
- I don't know, kiddo,
but something in the air just doesn't feel right.
- Might be that big smoke cloud
that wasn't here yesterday but is now.
[ominous music]
- Mm, could be.
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey, Reggie. Where's everyone going?
- To the town hall meeting. It's about that thing up there.
- Ooh, a town hall? Sounds fun.
I want to go.
- Parker, we have a job to do. You know the creed.
Neither rain nor sleet nor a weird smoke cloud
that wasn't here yesterday but is now
will stop us from delivering the mail.
[trumpets sound]
Ah, I should've skipped the creed.
- Well, where'd it come from?
- Oh, who's to say?
It doesn't really matter who caused it.
Seems like a waste of time to find out.
- Looks toxic. - No, no, no, it's not toxic.
It's simply a smoke cloud, people.
- Oh contraire, monfrair.
I grabbed a long stick
and stuck it up that there cloud.
- Why would you do that?
- This is all that's left of the stick, my dudes.
all: [gasps]
- Still doesn't change the fact
that it'll blow away on its own.
- How do you know? - You're k*lling me, Brad.
All clouds blow away. That's how clouds work.
- Not all of them.
I mean, I blew in, and I never blew out.
Why would anyone leave Mt. Middlemost?
- Oh, toast. What if it never leaves?
Who will want to buy toxic toast?
- I'd buy it.
[angry shouting]
- Maybe PJC can talk to it,
cloud to cloud, ask it to leave?
[indistinct dialogue]
- Okay, okay, settle down.
I don't think it's a good idea for my little nimbus--
- Too late, Angus.
- Hi, I'm Parker J. Cloud.
First of all, welcome. Always nice to see new faces.
[glass breaks, man screams]
Second of all, you're kind of
freaking everyone out down there.
[grumbling and screaming]
- Oh, psh, I didn't mean to scare anyone.
- Oh, I know. I totally get ya.
But if you could just maybe blow on
down the mountain a ways,
I think everyone would think that was a pretty cool move.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Awesome. Thanks for understanding.
- Parker.
- How was your conversation with the toxic cloud?
- Oh, it went great. We had a real nice chat.
Super chill cloud.
Says he'll leave, no problem.
[relieved chatter] - Thank goodness.
- See, it's all good, people. Told you.
- I'm proud of you, Parker.
- He said he'd leave!
I thought I was being helpful, and I didn't help anything!
- It's okay, Parker, you tried.
Like the mayor said, it'll probably blow away on its own.
Let's just let it be.
[bell dings] - [coughs]
all: [coughing] - Man, that's right.
- You said it would leave, Parker.
- My tenderloins. - [screams]
- Bro, it stinks, bro. You made it worse, bro.
- I didn't mean to, bro, honest.
- Can't trust a cloud, man.
- Yes, you can. [groans]
It's not fair, Lily.
I told the cloud he was scaring everyone
and he said he'd leave, but he didn't.
Now everyone's blaming me.
- Don't worry, Parker, I thought of the perfect way
to get rid of that toxic smoke cloud.
- Ah, gee, I don't know.
I mean, what if someone blasted me with a laser
when I was a raincloud raining on people?
- If it was my laser,
you would be bite-sized cloud bits.
- Let me talk to him one more time.
This might call for a little tough love.
[clears throat] Hey, yo!
What's up? How come you didn't leave?
- I didn't feel like it.
- Didn't feel like it? Listen, I get it, man.
I was once just like you. I was born a raincloud.
People wanted me to leave all the time.
I mean, I really got on everyone's nerves.
- Huh, you don't say.
- But people no longer yell and scream at me
for raining on them.
I changed, and so can you.
- That so? How?
- It's simple.
First you got to leave here, given.
Second, look for an awesome mountain to live on.
Third, find an Angus and Russell.
The rest figures itself out.
I love you guys.
- Okay, I'll try that.
- Awesome. You won't regret it.
- Thanks for keeping it real, cloud.
- Lily, my tough love worked. He's gonna leave.
[screams]
- [laughs]
- Lily, fire up that laser.
Oh, no! You got to fix it!
[all screaming]
- It's melting my pumpkins.
- Okay, that's it!
No more Parker J. Nice Cloud!
- [laughs]
- I demand you stop this right now!
You're hurting my friends.
- No, I'm not. [people screaming]
- You've got a lying problem, mister.
- Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it?
You going to fight me
in that little rainbow unitard of yours?
- Yeah, maybe.
[groans] - [laughs]
Yeah, take your best sh*t, kid. I dare you.
[laughs]
- You messed with the wrong raincloud.
Here comes the rain! [thunder rolls]
- [laughs]
- What in the world is the little nimbus doing?
- [growls] [thunder rolls]
[screams]
[all screaming]
- [groans]
[burps]
- [screams]
- Oh, no. Parker!
- [groans]
- You're in over your head, kid.
[laughs]
[groans]
- Whoa, you see that, Russell?
That little nimbus packs a mean punch.
Go get him, Parker. - [barking]
- Hold on, Russell!
- [groans]
- [sighs] What's happening?
Oh, right, our little nimbus is in trouble.
- What's going on? - I'm scared.
[lightning crackles]
- [laughs] - [groans]
- You got this, Parker. We believe in you.
- [horse whinnies]
- The kid's got this, right, Russell?
- [laughs]
- Please just leave Mt. Middlemost alone.
I don't want to hurt you.
- Ha, you'll have to try harder than that to hurt me.
- [groans] - [laughs]
[groans]
- [screams]
- No!
- What is happening? - [laughs]
Say goodbye to your happy, little cloud friend.
I'm your cloud now!
[laughs]
[all screaming]
- Parker? - [growls]
- What? You're still here?
- [groans]
- What's happening? Ow!
[high-pitched voice] Stop that! Knock it off!
[groans]
Uh-oh.
- I told you to
leave!
- [screams]
- [panting] - Uh, Parker?
[thunder booms] Hey there, kiddo.
- I never wanted to be like this again, Angus.
I'm sorry.
- Sorry? Nonsense.
You did good.
- I did?
- Yeah, you betcha. Listen, you hear that?
[all cheering] - Way to go, Parker.
- You saved the city. - See?
You made a whole lot of people happy today,
including me.
[upbeat music]
[grunts]
- That cloud was a jerk, Angus.
- He sure was.
Pretty smelly, too, huh? - He smelled the worst.
[laughter]
- Well, that was stupid.
- [sighs] Agreed, sir.
- Nothing's changed.
We're right back where we started.
- Yes, but we'll always have that beautiful,
warm night we shared in front of the--
- It's over, Ryan. It's over.
01x20 - Ranch on the Side/King Cloud vs. Smogzilla
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Parker J. Cloud, a former raincloud, their friend Angus, and pet walrus Russell deliver mail all across Mount Middlemost.
Parker J. Cloud, a former raincloud, their friend Angus, and pet walrus Russell deliver mail all across Mount Middlemost.