03x12 - Cliff in Charge

[bunniefuu]

Hey.

I Just Got A Letter
From Hillman College.

Hmm.

"In June

"Dr. Zachariah J. Haynes,
President Of Hillman College

Will Be Retiring After Years
Of Service To The School."

Oh, Watch It.

That Will Cost You Some Money.

Listen To This.

"As A Distinguished Graduate

"We Would Like To Invite You To
Serve On The Executive Committee

"To Plan A Celebration
In Honor Of Dr. Haynes

To Be Held Graduation Weekend."

Isn't That Something?

Yeah.

They Want Me There A Week
From Saturday For Ten Days.

Dr. Haynes Is A Very,
Very Special Person.

What Are You
Looking For?

My Letter.

What Letter?

My Letter From Hillman.

You Didn't Get One.

Well, Uh, They Probably Meant
That Letter For Both Of Us Then.

No, I Don't Think So,
Because Here It Says:

"Clair, Give Our Regards
To Cliff."

Read It Again.

Read The Letter Again, Please.

"Dear Clair

"As A Distinguished Graduate

"We Would Like To Invite You

"To Serve On
The Executive
Committee

"To Plan A Celebration
In Honor Of Dr. Haynes

To Be Held Graduation Weekend."

I Don't Understand.

I'm A Distinguished Graduate.

Yeah. You Were
A Distinguished Graduate.

I Was A Good Student.

You Think Your Mother
Would Like To Go With Me?

Yeah, She'll...
She'll Enjoy That.

I'll Call Her.

I Don't Understand

How They Could
Leave Out

One Of The Most Distinguished...

Students Ever In The History...

Of The School.

You Know What?

They're Probably Sending Me
A Special Delivery Letter

Asking Me To Give
The Keynote Address.

I Don't Think So.

It Says Here That The Incoming
President Will Be Doing That.

I Don't
Understand

How They Could Leave Out

Probably The Most Distinguished
Graduate In All Of Hillman.

That's Why
They Did It!

Because You Were The Most
Distinguished And Most Loved.

Everybody Would
Be Looking At You

And Forget All About Dr. Haynes
And His Little Years.

That's What It Is.

That's What It Is.

Clair.

Mm-Hmm?

Are You
Laughing At Me?

Uh-Huh.

Well, No, Don't Be Embarrassed.

Just Call Me When They're About
Seven Or Eight Minutes Apart.

You're Still Nervous?

Okay. Why Don't You...

Now Go To The Hospital

And Your Wife Will Call You

When She's Seven Or Eight
Minutes Apart, Okay?

All Right.
Talk To You Later.

( Doorbell )

And Who Are You?

Your Father.

My Father Ran Away

With The Circus
When I Was Born.

He's Back.

Oh, My Goodness.

You Don't Smell
Like You've Been
Around Elephants.

Yes. Ha, Ha.

Listen. What Is All
This Stuff For?

I'll Be Here
While Anna's At Hillman

So I Brought Some Things.

Dad, We Have Oatmeal.

You Didn't Have
To Buy It.

Not That Kind.

That's Norwegian Oatmeal.
Havregroet.

Have De Who?

That's The Oatmeal
The Vikings Ate.

Okay.
That's Fine.

What Is This? Soap?

Mm-Hmm.

Is It Viking Soap?

No, Son, The Viking's
Never Had Soap.

They Jumped Off The Boats
And Swam In The Fjords.

What?

Fjords!

Fjords. Okay.

I Want To Discuss
Something With You.

I'll Be Staying Five Days.

I'll Pay My Own Way.

Dad...

Don't Talk Back.

I've Estimated
How Much It Will Cost You

To Have Me Here Per Day.

Yeah, But, Dad...

I Have It On Paper.
"Food, Hot Water

Entertainment."

Entertainment?

Well, I Watch The News
On Television.

Our Tv's Paid For.

You Don't Have To Put
A Quarter In It Anymore.

Let Me Pay For My Groceries.

Take Your Hands
Out Of Your Pocket.

Your Money's No Good Here.

We'll Discuss This Later.

That's Another Thing
You Do.

You Say, "We'll
Discuss This Later"

And That's Only Used
To Wear Me Down.

We'll Discuss
That Later, Too.

Granddad!

Here Are My Girls!

Hi.

That's Right.

Just Act Like
He's The Only One
In The Room.

Just Leave Me
Sitting Here.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Daddy.

What's In
The Bag?

Some Things Your Granddad
Brought Home.

That's True.

But If I Dig
Into This Bag

I Might Find Something
You Children Would Love.

Chocolate Chip
Cookies!

No, No, No.

Can We
Have One?

You Have To Ask Your Father.

Can We,
Please, Please?

No, No, Wait, Wait.

Okay, One.

Thank You.

You Can Have One.

I'd Like
One.

No. At Your Age,
This Turns Right To Fat.

( Ring )

( Ring )

Huxtable Residence.

Oh, Hi, Mom.

Oh, It's Just
A Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Well, Dad Said I Could.

Mom Wants To Talk To You.

What A Shame.

Mmm, Mmm, Mmm.

What's Wrong?

Listen To This.

"Douglas B. Hoffer, ,
Passed Away Yesterday.

Survived By His Wife, Helene,
And His Two Sons."

It's A Shame.

You Knew Him?

No, I Just Read The Obituaries.

Do You Do This Often?

Every Day.

Here's A Guy Who Went,
Only Years Old.

I Got Him Beat.

He's Survived By His Wife,
His Children, His Father...

His Mother--
Survived By Everybody.

?

Mm-Hmm.

Oh, Listen To This.

It Says He Left The Bulk
Of His Estate To His Father.

Must Have Been A Nice Boy.

Yeah. I'll Bet He's In Heaven.

( Ring )

( Ring )

Hello?

Oh, No, No.

Theo Is Not Home Yet.

He's At Wrestling Practice.

Uh... Well, Young Lady

May... May I Take A Message?

The Young Lady
Called For Theo.

I Said, "Can I
Take A Message?"

She Just Went:

( Giggling )

She
Hung Up.

When You Were At Your Office,
A Couple Of Ladies Called.

Wouldn't Leave Their Names.

One Girl Said:

"Tell Theo He's A Doll."

( Giggling )

Hey, Grandpa. Hey, Dad.

How Was Wrestling Practice?

Okay.

Grandfather Took Calls For You.

He Has A Message.

What Is It?

"Theo, You're A Doll.

Hee, Hee, Hee, Hee."

What?

That's What She Said.

She?! Who?

She Wouldn't Tell Me.

You're Sure
It Was A She?

Definitely.

Yes, You Have Been Getting
Quite A Few Calls

And They've Been Girls Who Have
Just Been Giggling-- Tee Hee--

And Then Hanging Up The Phone.

Are You Teasing Me?

Would We Tease About
Something As Serious As This?

Yeah.

We're Not Doing It
This Time.

This Is Strange.

All Day Girls Were Smiling
At Me And Giggling And Waving

And Giving Me The Eye.

And When I Asked Them
What Was Wrong

They Said, "I Heard About You."

Something Strange
Is Definitely Going On.

Maybe Not, Theo.

It Could Be You're
Turning Into A Huxtable Man.

There
You Go.

The Caterpillar Turning Into...

The Butterfly.

Yes.

A Miracle Of Nature.

What Do You Mean?

You See, What Happens Is

Huxtable Men, All Of
A Sudden They Blossom

And They Become Irresistible

To The Female
Of The Species.

How Come You Never Told Me
This Would Happen?

Because I Didn't Think

You Could
Handle It.

( Ring )

I'll Get It.

Huxtable Residence.

Speaking.

I Am?

Well, Who Is This?

Okay, At Least
Give Me Your Initials.

Well, Can You Tell Me
What Homeroom You're In?

?
Hey, That's A Great Homeroom!

What Row Do You Sit In?

Hello?

Dad, You Were Wrong.

Hmm?

I Can Handle This.

You Can?

Son, You've Got Some Problems
Here In The Cupboard.

What Do You Mean?

Your Cereals, Flour And Sugar--

All These Boxes Should
Be Wrapped In Plastic Bags.

Why?

Keeps Out Ants.

Dad, We Don't Have Ants.

Not Yet.

It Only Takes The Scout Ant.

Come On, The Scout Ant?

He's The One The Ants Send Out
To Find Food.

If He Sees That,
You'll Have Ants.

I Want To Tell You

That We Have Been Here
For Years-- No Ants.

That's The Way Ants Operate.

They Lull You Into Complacency.

Hi, Daddy.

Here Come The
Scout Ants Now.

Rudy, Who's This?

This Is My
Friend Kenny.

His Name
Used To Be Bud.

Nice To Meet You, Kenny.

Thank You.
I Have A Grandpa, Too.

What's His Name?

Grandpa.

If You're Going Out To Play,
I Want You To Wear Hats.

I Didn't
Bring A Hat.

I'll Get You One.

Looks Like A Happy Team.

Happy For About Three Minutes

And Then They'll
Be Arguing Again.

No, I Don't Believe It.

I Hope You're Right...

But You're Not.

Here, Wear This Hat.

It's Theo's.

Okay. Thanks.

Let's Go.

Wait! I Have To
Open The Door For You.

No, You Don't.

Yes, I Do.

I'm A Man.

You're
A Woman.

So?

A Man Is Supposed To Open
A Door For A Woman.

Who Says?

My Big Brother.

He's And He Knows Everything.

Well, Sondra Says
A Woman Can Do Anything.

No.

A Woman Can Do What A Man Says.

Not Me.

You'll Never Get Married.

I Will If I Want To.

You'll Have To Stay Home

And Cook And Wash Clothes.

Nah-Ah. A Woman Can Have
Any Job She Wants.

No, She Can't.

Give Me Back
My Hat, Bud.

My Name's Kenny.

Bud.

My Name's Kenny!

Bud!

My Name's Kenny!

Stop, Stop, Stop.

Now What's The Matter?

He's Not My
Friend Anymore.

Yes, I Am.

Yes,
I Am!
No, No, Stop.

Stop It.

Now What Is The Matter?

He Tried To Open
The Door For Me.

Okay.

I'm Supposed To.
I'm A Man!

Wait, Wait, Just One Second.

Now, Look, Elvin...

Who?

No, No, No.
That's Right.

You're Kenny.

All Right,
Kenny.

If You Want To Act
Like A Man And A Woman--

If You're Going To Discuss
Things, You Have Differences--

You Do It Politely.

You Understand?

Yes.
Yes.

All Right, Fine.

I'm Going To Open The Door
For Both Of You

Not Because I'm A Man

But Because I'm A Tired Adult
And I'm Throwing You Out.

Here's Your
Hat, Kenny.

Thank You.

I Must Say, Son,
You Handled That Well.

Well, Thank You, Dad.

I Had A Good Teacher.

Hi.

Hey.

Dad, You Have To Sign This.

Really?
What Is It?

A Note From
Our Principal.

Why Do You Have A Note
From The Principal?

I Found Out Why I've Been
Getting All The Calls.

I'm "Thoroughbred Of The Week."

"Thoroughbred"?

A Winner.

Every Week The Girls Pick
A Junior Classman

And Put His Name And Number
On The Girls' Washroom Wall.

So Why The Note
From The Principal?

When I Found Out

I Went Into The Girls' Washroom
After School

And Started Scribbling Over
My Name And Number.

That's When The Principal,
Mrs. Walker, Caught Me.

You Have To Sign That
As Proof That I Told You.

Well, You've Told Me About It,
And I'm Signing.

Thanks A Lot, Dad.

You're Welcome.

It Seems Like Raising Children

Is Tougher Than
When I Was Raising You.

I Wish You Had
Thought About That

When You Put The Curse On Me,
And Said:

"I Hope Your Children
Act Exactly The Way You Acted."

And Things Are Working Out
Better Than I Expected.

Dad?

Mrs. Gillis Is Ready
To Have Her Baby.

I Have To Go To The Hospital.

What Time Is It?

: A.M.

Why Don't You Sleep In My Bed?

I'd Like To

But I Can't Get Up
From Under Rudy.

I'll Show You
How To Do This.

Thanks, Son.

How Did You
Get In There?

Rudy Couldn't Sleep

So I Told Her About Hugo
The Bear And The Wolf.

Really?

I Wish You Had Told Me--
That's My Favorite Story.

I Would Have Joined You.

But You Get So Excited
When I Tell That Story.

I Was Afraid You'd Make So Much
Noise You'd Keep Rudy Up.

I Understand.

I'll See You
In The Morning.

Good Night, Son.

Good Night, Dad.

Hey, Dad.

It's Almost : .
Have You Been Up All This Time?

Yes.

Mrs. Gillis Finally
Delivered The Baby.

I'm Telling You

That Child Came Right There
And Stopped...

And Stared At Me Like This.

Would You Like A Steaming
Bowl Of Havregroet?

Dad, I Don't Think
I Want Any Hominy Grits.

I'm Just So Tired I'm Going To
Go On In And Take A Little Nap.

I Think You Should
Go Upstairs To Bed.

No, I Can't.

Mrs. Rolland Is
Ready To Deliver.

Her Labor Pains
Are Minutes Apart

And Her Husband's
Are Seven Minutes Apart.

Oh.

You Just Close You Eyes
And Get Some Rest.

Thank You.

We're Back.
Let's Go, Dad.

Shh!

Your Father Just Got Back
From The Hospital.

He Promised To Take Us
To Buy Some Jeans.

You'll Have To Forget That.

But We Came Back
From The Record Store.

When I Was Your Age

My Father Expected Me
To Chop Wood All Day Saturday

Until There Was Enough To Heat
The House For The Entire Week.

Grandpa, We Don't Understand
What You're Trying To Tell Us.

I'm Telling You That Children
Should Help Their Parents More.

We Only Have One Tree
In The Backyard.

Mom Planted It.

She'd Get Upset
If We Hit It With An Ax.

The Kitchen Floor Needs Waxing

Or You Could Do Your Homework.

Which Will It Be?

Homework.

Definitely.

Good Choice.

Mmm.

Thank You.

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep.

I Never Realized How Much
Activity There Is In This House.

Mmm.

You Do A Fine Job.

Thank You.

I've Told You Many Times
That I Love You

But I've Never Told You
That I'm Proud Of You.

And I Am.

You're All Right.

So Are You.

Would You Do Me A Favor?

You Name It.

Would You Tell Me The Story
About The Bear?

Wouldn't You Rather Sleep?

No!

Okay.

Once Upon A Time...

In The Woods Of A Magic Kingdom

There Lived A Bear Named Hugo.

He Was A Very Sad Bear.

One Day, After Having A Picnic
All By Himself

He Was Walking Home To His Cave

When He Saw A Wolf
Who Looked Very Confused.

Was The Wolf Lost?

Yes, He Was.

And Was The Wolf's Name Hans?

That's Right, Cliffy.

( Ring )

I'll Get It.

( Ring )

Hello?

( Ring )

No, Son, You Rest.

Huxtable Residence.

Uh-Huh.

How Far Apart
Are They?

Son, It's Mrs. Rolland.

Hello, Mrs. Rolland.

Oh, They Are, Huh?

All Right.

This Is It.

I'm On My Way Over.

Okay.

Bye-Bye.

You Have To Go
To The Hospital.

Yes, Sir.

Isn't Their Something
I Can Do For You?

Yeah, You Can Go Over
And Deliver The Baby.

How About If I Just
Give You A Ride?

Yes, That Would Be Fine.

On The Way,
I'll Finish The Story.

Good, I'd Love That.

Now Where Was I?

Well, The Bear Had Just Finished
Having His Picnic

And He Saw Hans,
And Hans Was Confused.

Okay.

The Reason Hans The Wolf
Was Confused

Was Because He Was Lost.

Yes.

Which Made Him
Feel Very Lonely.

Yes.

Do You Think Hans And Hugo
Will Become Friends?

Son, Be Patient.

I'll Get To That.

Okay.

Anyway, Hugo Went Over To Hans,
And He Said:

( Gruff Voice: )
"What's Wrong, My Friend?

You Look Confused."

And Hans Said:

( Meek Voice: )
"Mr. Bear, I'm So Lost."

That's Right, Cliffy!

And Hugo Said:

"I Have Never Seen Anybody
Walking Down This Slope..."