01x17 - Theo and the Joint

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Mom.

Where Are
You Going?

Down The Street
To Play Football.

Theo, It's Five Degrees
Out There.

I've Got Extra Socks On.

Wear Gloves And A Hat.

It's Freeze Football--

Wear That Stuff,
You're Not A Real Man.

How Will The Real Man Feel
When His Mother Shows Up

Carrying His Gloves
And A Hat?

Hey, Dad.

Hey.
Where You Going?

Freeze
Football.

You Can't Play Freeze
Football With A Hat.

You've Got To
Take That Stuff Off.

They're Mom's Idea.

Wear The Hat And Gloves.

Hi, Dear.

How Was School?

School?

Dear, I Brought
Home Two Children

That May Or May Not
Be Ours.

When I Pulled Up
To The School

There Was A Pack Of Them
Like This.

Parents Drove Up And Got Out

And They Panicked
Trying To Find Theirs.

One Woman Was Going
Through The Whole Pack--

Picking Them Up,
Looking At Them

And Then Throwing Them
Over Her Shoulder.

So I Brought
These Two Home

Because They Were
The Right Size.

Hi, Mom.

I Think This Is
One Of Ours.

We Don't Have To
Take It Back.

Who Are You?

Rudy!

We Don't Have To
Take Them Back.

These Aren't My Boots.

Whose Are They?

I Don't Know.

The Bell Rings, You Go To
The Pile And Try Your Luck.

You Can Return Them Tomorrow.

But They're Better Than Mine.

Vanessa, They Go Back
Into The Pile Tomorrow.

Can I Keep These?

No. Cliff, Get Them Undressed.

I'll Start Dinner.

It Takes A Long Time
To Do This, Dear.

Daddy, I'm Getting Hot.

I Know.

Dad's Taking Off The Clothes
As Fast As He Can.

Okay, Here We Go.

Daddy,
I Can Take It Off!

Daddy!

Cliff...

I Didn't Know
They Were Hooked To Her.

Cliff, We Need To Talk.

Right Now?

Right Now.

What's Up?

Nothing.

Help Rudy Get Undressed,
Then Go Upstairs.

I Want To Show You
Something.

What's The Matter?

I Accidentally Knocked
Theo's Book Off The Table...

Yeah?

...And Found This.

Maybe He's Doing A Book Report
On Drug Abuse

And He's Using This
As A Visual Aid.

Yeah, That's The Real Thing.

I Hate To Think Of Him
Starting With That Stuff.

The Boy Knows
Where We Stand On This.

I'll Bet
It's His Friends.

They Seem
All Right.

All Right?

Cockroach...

Buzzard...

The Mouth.

The Mouth?

Some Child Called The Other Day
And Asked For Theo.

He Said,
"Tell Him The Mouth Called."

Don't You Find It Suspicious

That These People Aren't Using
Their Real Names?

When Children Are Born

Parents Look At The Child
And Say, "Lillian," "Roy..."

After The Child Develops,
Whatever Comes Out

The Neighborhood
Looks At It And Says...

"Cockroach."

Cockroach Looks
Exactly Like A Cockroach.

Suppose These Kids
Are Using Those Names As Decoys

And Suppose
Theo Is Their Contact.

Suppose Those Guys Are
Selling This Stuff?

Now, Please.

You Found This
In His Book.

It Doesn't Look
Like He Smoked It.

We Haven't Seen Him Smoke It.

But Already You Have Our Son
Flying Back And Forth To Turkey.

My Point
Is This:

Why Don't We
Use This?

Be Rational,
All Right?

Okay.

Where Are You Going?

I'm Going To
Search His Room.

Cliff, You Can't
Do That.

I Wasn't Going To.

Anyway,
That's Theo's Room.

You Couldn't Find Acres
Of Grass Growing Up There.

That's A Bunch Of Wimps.

Only One Guy Showed Up

And He Wouldn't
Get Out Of His Mother's Car.

I Wore My Hat And Gloves
The Whole Time, Mom.

You Can
Feel My Ears.

I Forgot To Put The Milk Back

Didn't I?

Hi, Dad.

Excuse Me, Dad.

Is Something Wrong, Dad?

Theo...

I Accidentally Knocked Your
Geography Book Off The Table

And Found This.

That Was In
My Geography Book?

Your Book.

How Did It Get There?

I Don't Know.

Joints Don't Read, Do They?

It's Not Mine.

Whose Is It?

I Don't Know.

I Wanted A Piece Of Fruit.

You Can Have Some Fruit,
Then Go Back Upstairs.

We're Not Supposed To Eat
In Our Rooms.

Eat It In The Hallway.

Which Is Healthier,
Dad...

An Apple Or
A Banana?

A Banana.

How About A Pear?

Vanessa,
It's All Healthy Fruit.

What's Healthful For You
Is If You Get Out.

(Snickering)

Let Me Tell You
Something.

You Know How Your Mother And I
Feel About dr*gs.

As Long As
You Are Living...

Look At Me.

As Long As You're Living
In This House

You're Not To Do dr*gs.

When You Move
Into Your Own House

You're Not To Do dr*gs.

When I Am Dead And You Are ,
You're Not To Do dr*gs.

Dad, I Have Never Done dr*gs.

If You Say This Isn't Yours,
I'll Take Your Word For It.

Dad?

You're A Lot Of Things,
Some Good, Some Bad

But You're Not A Liar.

If You Say That Isn't Yours,
Then It Isn't.

The Joint Is Not Mine.

Fine.
Okay.

Case Closed.

Are You All Right?

I Guess So.

Maybe We Should Take Him
Out Of That School?

If We Put The Child In A School
In The South Pole

There Would Be Twelve
Penguins Out There

With Joints
In Their Mouths

Break-Dancing
All Over The Ice.

(Knocking)

Denise:
Can I Come In?

Are You Sure?

No.

Hey.

Mom And Dad Were
Asking About You Earlier.

Is Everything Okay?

If You're In Trouble,
We Can Talk About It.

I Know

You Did Something Stupid
Because Of A Girl.

Women. Can't Live With 'Em,
Can't Live Without 'Em.

It's Not
A Girl.

You Brought A "D" Home
From School.

Close.

An "E"?

No, A "J."

What Are You Talking About?

Somebody Stuck A Joint
In My Geography Book.

Mom And Dad Found It.

It Isn't Mine.
They Said They Believe Me.

Then Everything's Okay.

I Don't Like
That It Happened.

I Feel Like There's
A Mark On My Record.

Your Record
Wasn't Exactly Spotless.

There's A Big Difference

Between This And The Way
I Usually Mess Up.

I'm Afraid Mom And Dad
Will Look At Me Differently.

If Mom And Dad Say
Something's Settled

Then It's Settled.

It's Not Settled For Me.

So You'll Put A Note
On The Bulletin Board?

"Found: One Joint.
Contact Theo Huxtable"?

I'm Going To Go To School
And Find The Guy Who Did It.

When I Find Him...

Well, Good Luck.

Thanks.

(Knocking)

Theo, You Want To
Share My Pear?

Dad Says It's
The Healthiest Fruit.

Leave Me Alone.

Theo, We're All Family.

If One Of Us Is
In Big Trouble

We All Should Know.

Vanessa, If You Were
The Last Person On Earth

I Still Wouldn't Tell You.

Don't Tell Me What You Did.

Just Tell Me What
They're Going To Do To You.

Get Out.

Theo, I'm Giving You
Until Morning.

Then I'll Be Forced To
Go To My Other Sources.

Now Look, Before I Put
All These Clothes On You

Do You Have To Go To The...

Bathroom?

Do You?

Okay.

Now This Sweater
Is The Primary Sweater.

This Will Protect Us
In The Classroom

Just In Case The Classroom
Is A Little Bit Chilly.

And It's Meant Not To Be
A Super, Super, Warm Sweater

Because It's Cute.

Okay?

Now This Sweater
Is A Serious Sweater

So It's Not
That Good-Looking.

This Sweater Is Meant
To Protect The Cute Sweater.

Wear This
In The Hallways

And Almost Going Outside.

You Got That?

Here We Have
The Super Nasa Jacket.

This Jacket Will Protect You
From The Cold Wind

And The Storm.

Now We Put On
The Hat Properly

Because If
You Don't...

That's
Going To Happen.

Here We Go.

Put This On
Like This

And Tie This Around.

Now Don't Forget--

When You Take This Off

Don't Let Anybody
Yank From The Top.

You Know Why?

Because Then
You Look Like That.

All Right.

Now You're Ready.

Daddy.

Uh-Huh.

I Have To Go To The Bathroom.

I Asked You
If You Had To Go.

I Said Tell Me,
Didn't I?

Huh?

Why Do You
Have To Go Now?

I'm A Little Person.

We Don't Always Know
Ahead Of Time.

Go Upstairs And Ask Your Mom
To Undress You So You Can Go.

Theo Left For School Already.

He Seemed Like
He Was In A Hurry.

Yes, He Was.

It's Too Bad About
What Happened To Him.

Yeah.

And That It Could Happen
In This House.

That Was The Thing
That Bothered Me The Most.

What Did You Say To Him?

Well, You Know Me.

So That's What I Said.

What Did Theo Say?

The Only Thing He Could Say.

What Would You Have Done
In That Situation?

Had Him Talk To Me.

I Thought About It,
But Then I Said No.

I Know You Hate To Get
In Other People's Business.

Yeah.

Bye, Dad.

Have A Good Day
At School, Kid.

See You Later.

Hey, Braxton.

Who Are You?

Theodore Huxtable.

I'm In Your Geography Class.

That's Nice.

Listen, Yesterday I Found
A Joint In My Book.

Was That Your Book?

You Can Keep It.

Call It A Gift.

I Don't Want It.

Why My Book?

The Teacher Walked In,
And I Didn't Have Mine.

My Folks Found It.

No Sweat, Huxtable.

Tell Them It's Mine.

No, I Want You To Tell Them.

Sure, Huxtable.

I'll Run Right Over
To Your House And Do It.

I'm Serious, Man.

You've Got To Do It.

I Don't Have To
Tell Anybody Anything.

You Put That Trash In My Book!

Get Out Of My Face.

I'm Not Asking You.

I'm Telling You!

Well, Tell Me Again.

Look, Braxton, If That's
What It's Going To Take

I'm Ready.

You Want To Fight Me
Right Here?

I've Got Nothing To Lose.

Remember When I Had
The Amniocentesis?

Yes. It Came Out Fine.

And You Asked Me
If I Wanted To Know The Sex?

Yes.

Is It A Boy Or A Girl?

No, I'm Not
Getting Into That Again.

The First Time You Asked Me
And I Started To Tell You

You Said,
"No, I Don't Want To Know."

And I Said, "Okay."

Then You Said, "I Want To Know."

I Started To Tell You

And You Said,
"I Don't Want To Know."

Doctor, I Can't Wait.

I Decided I Have To Know.

Okay.

Forget It.

See?

You Do That Every Time.

How About A Hint?

Okay.

I'll Write It Down
On A Piece Of Paper, And...

Please.

I Don't Want You
To Open This Paper

Until You Are Home.

All Right?

All Right.

All Right.

I'll See You Next Week.

Thank You, Doctor.

Bye-Bye.
Bye.

Don't Open It!

You Wrote, "Ha, Ha, Ha."

This Is Not Funny.

You Tell Your Four Boys
To Get Ready For Their Sister.

It's A Girl?!

Yes.

Hey, You Guys,
Where's Mom And Dad?

They're Not Home Yet.

See You.

Hey, I Almost
Fought You Once

And I'm Ready
To Do It Again.

We'll Wait.

Sit Down.

Who Are You?

Anthony Earl Braxton.

I'm Rudy Lillian Huxtable

And I Got My Mittens
Back Today.

Great.

But I Got
Somebody Else's Lunch Box.

Sorry.

Would You Guys
Please Go Upstairs?

Go Ahead, Rudy.

Nice Meeting You.

You, Too.

You, Too, Vanessa.

I'm Not Kidding.

Got Anything To Eat?

Hey, Dad.

This Is My Dad.

Say Hi.

Hello, Mr. Huxtable.

Doctor Huxtable.

This Is Tony Braxton.

What Name
Do You Really Go By?

I'm The Enforcer.

I'm The Dad.

Braxton Came Over Here
To Tell You Something.

I Put The Joint In His Book.

Why?

The Teacher Walked In.
I Had To Hide It.

Why Didn't You Throw It Away?

I Wanted To Smoke It Later.

I'm Not Your Father

But I Do Think
You Have A Problem.

You Should Talk
To Your Parents About It

Or A Counselor,
Or Somebody At School...

Or You Can Come Here.

I'll Think About It.

Okay.

Have A Seat.

Let Me Talk To You
A Second.

Didn't I Tell You
That Everything Was Cool?

I Wanted To Make Sure.

That's A Big Dude.

Yeah.

I Don't Think It's Necessary
For You To Risk Life And Limb

To Prove Something
To Your Mother And Me

When We've Said To You
We Believe You

And We Love You.

Cliff:
Okay?

I Know, Dad.

Okay.

Uh...

Thank You For Coming Over.

Any Time.

All Right.

I Don't Get It,
Huxtable.

Your Parents Said
They Believed You

And Yet You Were Ready
To Fight Me.

I Would Have Come Home
With A Broken Arm If I Had To.

What My Parents Think
Means A Lot To Me.

I'm Glad I Could Help Out.

See You.

See You.

What Are You Doing
After School Tomorrow?

You Ever Play Freeze Football?

We Could Use An Extra Player--

If He's Not High.

I'll Be There.

Don't Tell Your Mom
You're Playing.

She'll Make You Wear
A Hat And Gloves.

Does Your Mom?

Yeah, But As Soon As
I'm Out Of The House

I Hide Them In The Mailbox.

Which Flavor Is Healthiest,
Vanilla Or Chocolate Chip?

Fruit.

Okay, We'll Put
A Banana In It.

You Get The Syrup.

I'll Get The Bowls.

No, Cliff!
No, No, No!

You Know You Love It.

Before Dinner? Suppose
The Children Catch Us?

We'll Say
We've Eaten Already.

We Can't Do That.

Why Not?
I Live Here.

Hey, Dad, Guess...

Cliff:
Hey!

We Ate Early, Son.

Uh-Huh.

How Was The Game?

I Ran For
Three Touchdowns.

My Boy.

It Was Easy,
Running Behind The Enforcer.

Where Are Your Gloves
And Hat?

Oh, Wow, Man!

I Must Have Lost Them
Between Here And The Field.

I'll Go Look For Them.

Clair:
Oh, Theo?

Don't Bother, Son.

Somebody Must Have Found It
And Mailed It To You.