03x02 - The Way to a Man's Heart

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


I can't do it.


Come on!


All you have to do is step on it.


The scale does the rest. Now come on!


I can't! I can't. I'm too nervous!


I think this diet has affected my mind.


Last night I had a dream where I turned down harry belafonte


For some strawberry cheesecake.


Come on, nell! Quit stalling.


You've got your weight winners meeting at .


I know, julie.


That's why I'm afraid to get on the scale.


Nell, I don't think it's good for you


To put yourself through this every day.


Yeah, but if I don't get on the scale,


How am I to know how much I lost?


Easy.


You weigh the refrigerator, take out all the food,


And weigh the refrigerator again.


Subtract the second number from the first number,


Then take the difference,


And add that to whatever you weighed last week,


And subtract that from what you weighed the week before,


And that's how much you've lost.


Get out of my face. Please.


I'm just trying to help.


A jedi priest couldn't help me now.


Come on!


Come on, nell.


Okay, okay, okay.


You liar!


Nell! Nell!


Stop! My foot was on the scale!


Stop!


What did you just say?


[ Chuckles ] um...


I had my foot on the scale.


See, see, I figured that when --


When I took my foot off the scale,


You'd see how much the weight came down


And you'd feel a whole lot better.


Don't you feel better?


Phew! Whoo!


Phew!


Now I feel better.


Nell, maybe you shouldn't go to that meeting tonight.


Are you kidding?


I want to go to weight winners. I love weight winners.


Honey, I give meaning to their slogan --


"When you lose, you win."


And I have lost a lot of weight, and I am very proud of myself.


For the first time in my life, I feel like a winner.


Nell, would pick up some more pistachio?


What's wrong? Your eyes look funny.


Don't you recognize hate when you see it?


Boy, I'm glad you're going to that meeting tonight.


You know, you always feel a lot better after you see james.


"James says," and, "james thinks."


What does james have to do with anything?


You tell us.


Why do you have his name doodled all over your diet book?


Samantha! I do not!


Come on, nell.


What does he look like? How much money does he have?


How fat is he?


Well, not that it makes any difference to me,


But he is gorgeous.


Ooh, is he gorgeous.


And he's successful,


And he's already lost all the weight he needs to lose.


Then what's he doing at weight winners?


Well, he stays with the group for maintenance.


Otherwise, he might go on an eating binge.


Hmm. Well, what kind of ice cream does he like?


You can tell a lot about people


By the kind of ice cream they like.


Right, and if they like pistachio,


You should k*ll them!


Look, I'm sorry, nell.


I can't help it if I can eat whatever I want.


[ Chuckles ]


[ Laughing ]


What's so funny?


Knowing that years from now,


You'll be going to these meetings with me!



[ Laughs ]


Well, what do you know?


It seems he shamed pounds off me! Whoo!


[ Cheers and applause ]


Congratulations. That's terrific.


Well, that's everybody but nellie.


We've saved the best for last.


Woman come on, nell.


Huh? Nell?


I sure am, james.


[ Chuckles ] uh...


[ Chuckles ]


Unh-unh-unh!


Oh, yeah.


You want to hear my confession, right?


We do.


Okay.


Well, you see,


I have this friend who's trying to quit smoking,


Just like I'm trying to lose weight.


Well, anyway, my friend goes to one of these places


Where they tell you to smoke six packs of cigarettes a day


So that when you look in the ashtray,


All you see is these ugly cigarette butts,


And it makes you so sick you never want another cigarette.


So I say, "hey, nell, try it with some brownies --


A dozen."


But the problem was, when I looked at the plate,


There were no brownie butts.


There weren't even brownie crumbs.


Oh, well. To the scale.


[ Cheers and applause ]


Okay, what's the bad news?


Oh, it's not so bad.


Since last week, you have lost exactly ounces.


Oh, james.


[ Cheers and applause ]


Meeting's over. Come on. See you next week!


Bye-bye.


See you, andre.


Bye-bye.


Hey. Ounces, nell? Hey, that's not bad.


Oh, I'm getting there.


You sure are. You look great. I love that dress.


Dress?


Yes, dress. You're wearing a dress.


[ Gasps ] oh, thank god.


You're a funny lady, nell.


Oh, I am? Oh, sure.


You just bring this whole class to life.


Oh, I do? Yeah.


You know, there's something else I'd like to tell you, too.


What?


Well, I think that -- is that my book?


No. It's got my name written on it.


No, that says "jane." This is jane's book.


Hi, am I interrupting anything?


Uh, yes. No!


I mean, no.


Come on in, vanessa. We're just talking.


Actually, my aerobics class just broke,


And I wanted to catch james.


Well, darling, you can catch just about anything


In that outfit.


Uh...james, excuse me.


I'm gonna run down to the office, okay?


Okay, i-i'll wait for you here.


Well, what can I do for you, vanessa?


I need some advice from a tax consultant.


Aha, well, here is my card.


I am at your service. Call me anytime.


Oh, thanks.


See, I've been doing some modeling,


And I really need some tax deductions.


Is there anything you can do for me?


I could take off your clothes.


That'd be great!


[ Both laugh ]


Hi.


Goodbye.


Is she mad at me?


Not at you. About you.


[ Sighs ]


How about that? Huh.


[ Doorbell rings ]


I'm coming!


[ Doorbell rings ]


I'm coming!


Hi, vanessa.


Hi, sam. Where's nell?


In the refrigerator.


You mean in the kitchen.


No, I mean in the refrigerator.


Oy vey!


Hi, nell. It's me -- vanessa.


You're not gonna eat all this stuff, are you?


I certainly hope so.


There must be a hot line or something you call


When a weight winner falls off the wagon!


Vanessa, please, leave me alone.



I am through with weight winners.


Salt.


If there's a god,


There will be some whipped cream in the refrigerator.


There is a god.


Hello?


Hi, this is vanessa, and I'm here with nell,


And she's about to eat like there's no tomorrow.


Okay.


Okay.


Here. Here!


Hello.


No, I really don't need your help.


Who?


James.


You're gonna do what?


Hel--?


[ Sarcastically ] thanks a million, vanessa.


James is coming over here in five minutes.


Good.


All right, vanessa, you can leave now. I'm not going anywhere.


Oh, vanessa, please!


How can any man have any respect


For any woman who doesn't have any self-control?


If you really feel that way,


Then why are you going on a binge?!


I don't know!


[ Exhales sharply ]


Vanessa, I'm...


[Chuckles] I'm so scared.


I am so afraid of being hurt.


Oh.


I guess...


I-i think that...


I think I like the man too damn much.


Vanessa.


Oh, nell.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Uh, hi. I'm james roland.


Oh, yeah. Come on in.


Thank you.


I'm carl kanisky. Oh, how are you?


Yeah, I've heard a lot about you.


Sam who is it, dad? Friend of nell's, honey!


[ Shrieking ]


[ Giggles ] hi.


Hi.


You must be james.


Uh, yes.


Wow.


I'm sam.


I'm julie. I'm katie.


I'm your father. Get lost.


Have you ever heard nell sing?


Have you ever seen her dance?


Are you really a tax accountant?


What is this, the third degree? Leave him alone.


We just want james to know what a wonderful woman nell is.


Yeah, she's self-educated, well-versed in all subjects,


And has an unusual grasp of the political situation --


Both foreign and domestic.


Now come on! All of you, out of here!


Come on! Out! Out! Out! Out!


Everybody, out!


James came here to see nell.


How smart do you have to be


To know that you shouldn't bother the man?


I'm having a little tax problem.


Oh?


No big deal.


I just had some insulation put in the old house,


And I was wondering if I could write it off.


Well, yes.


You could get an energy tax credit -- %.


Oh. Wonderful country, isn't it?


Up to $ .


Those creeps in washington


Stick it to you every time, don't they?


Uh, carl, I think I better get to nell.


Apparently, she's having some kind of problem.


Yeah, sure, sure. Right through there.


She's in the kitchen.


They always are.


Bucks.


Nell?


What are you doing with all that food?


What has got her so upset? What have you done to her?


I didn't do anything to her! Then why is she in a food frenzy?


You idiot! Because she's in love with you! [ Gasps ]


Oh!


Nell, I'm so sorry.


That's all right, vanessa.


[ Exhales deeply ]


[ Shrieks ]


[ Coughs ]


Don't bother. I'll let myself out.


I'll call you later, honey.


Do.


Come here.


For what?



Nell, come here.


Come here. Look.


We are going to walk.


I thought this -- this is what you do with drunks.


Practically the same disease.


James, I can still drive.


Hey, want to run over to mcdonald's? Walk!


Let's walk.


What are you doing?


Uh, I haven't done anything!


What are you doing? What is wrong with you?!


Why are you doing this, nell?


Don't give up now! You're winning!


You're a wonderful, sensational, beautiful woman.


If you eat all this food,


How are you gonna feel when we go out tomorrow night?


You want to go out with me?


I accept.


[ Giggles ]


[ Chuckles ]


[ Both chuckle ]


Look, I got an appointment. I got to go.


Pick you up at ?


Oh, come on, nell!


Hurry! We're dying!


Nell, let's see it already!


Nell move over, miss universe!


Find yourself another world!


Ta-da!


Oh, wow!


Nell, you look gorgeous. That dress is a knockout.


James will die when he sees you.


Oh, I hope not, honey. He has so much to live for.


Hi! Hi.


Hi, daddy.


Hi, kids.


Hi, nell.


Boy, what a day.


Uh, dad? Aren't you gonna say something to nell?


Oh, yeah.


What's for dinner?


[ Clears throat ]


Julie dad, look at her.


Nell, you look great!


Oh.


Does this mean no dinner?


Oh, chief, I wouldn't let you starve.


I made reservations for you at the casa de ribs.


[ Doorbell rings ]


[ Shrieks ] it's james. Ooh!


Calm down. Don't be so anxious.


Go upstairs and make him wait.


Why?


That's how you handle a man.


It works for me every time.


Anything works for her every time.


Now get upstairs! Hurry up.


Count to , and then you make your entrance.


Hi, james. Come on in.


Hey, carl, thanks.


Nell's upstairs, stalling.


Can I get you something to drink?


No, no, no. Oh, but I've got something here for you.


This, my friend is going to save you a lot of money.


Oh, thank you, james.


Uh, this is very nice of you.


Listen, have you got a couple of minutes


To go up in the attic and check out the insulation?


Uh...no, not really.


Well, then I'll just get my cost sheets


So you can look them over.


I wouldn't want to cheat the government.


, , .


Well, hello, james.


Oh.


I do hope I didn't keep you waiting.


I was just adding some finishing touches.


I don't see how you can ever improve upon perfection.


Me neither.


Oh, you look sensational.


Oh. Ooh. Mmm.


Oh, I almost forgot. Could I make a quick call?


Help yourself.


Uh, it's sort of business. Oh!


Well, why don't you use the phone back there in my bedroom?


It's quiet in there.


The chief just had the walls insulated.


Nell? Nell?


How's it going?


Has he swept you off your feet?


Did he ask you to marry him?


Samantha, he just got here two minutes ago.


Well, how long does he need?


Hey, one look at you


And he can tell you're the best catch in town.


Oh, bless you, my child. Bless you.


Where's james?


He's using the phone.


What's an "estimated-income-tax report"?


Where'd you get that? "James roland --"



Must have fallen out of his case.


This is none of your business.


Well, how much money is he gonna make?


It's none of your bus--


[ Exhales ]


Just enough to support, um...


A wife...


And three kids.


Why, that lousy bum!


I'm sorry.


Three kids?


All right, so he's married. Big deal.


I told you there was nothing between us.


Really.


Really!


Look, nell, if you want --


Chief, listen. I can handle this.


Why don't you just go to dinner?


Go to dinner.


Okay, come on. Let's move it, kids.


Where are we gonna go?


We're all going to dinner at the casa de ribs.


Oh, good!


It's thursday night. They've got live accordion music.


Go.


I'm okay.


Hey, I'm sorry if I took too long in the -- ooh!


Woman, I can't get over how sensational you look.


Oh, james,


I just can't tell you how grateful I am to you.


Oh, I'm gonna collect on that later.


[ Both laugh ]


No, for real. You make me feel beautiful.


You make me feel desirable,


And that really means a lot to me right now.


Well, I mean it, nell, from the bottom of my heart.


Oh, that's good.


Oh, shouldn't you call your wife and the three kids first?


Nell, I was gonna explain that to you. I'm sorry.


No, no, no, no, no, no.


If you thought it was worth telling a lie


To score with nell harper,


Honey, that's a lie that I can live with.


Then you're not mad?


Mad?


No, how could I be mad at a man like you?


Handsome. You're charming.


Look how you dress, baby.


You even have an expensive attaché case. Yes.


You're something else, nell.


So are you, honey.


You know, speaking of your attaché case...


Uh-huh?


I don't want you to lose it, you know? Yeah?


It's gonna be out here by your car.


Look! I got a leaner.


I guess you won't be coming to weight winners anymore.


Oh, yes. I'll be there every week, james.


You see, I am a winner.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break