02x11 - Love Thy Neighbor

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Oh, gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


♪ Hey, gimme a break


Not again.


[ Barking, howling continues ]


Hey, dog!


It --


[ Barking continues ]


It's in the morning!


Go to sleep!


Oh.


[ Barking, howling continues ]


Hey, dog!


Go chase a bus...


To miami!


[ Dog growling ]


Oh, yeah? Well, what do you say to this?


[ Barking ]


[ Dog barking ]


You're gonna sound funny with no teeth.


Now, shut up!


Good.


[ Growling ]


[ Howling ]


Aah!


[ Crying ]


Hey, mrs. Falkenberg,


Your dog is loose again!


Get away from there!


Go on...


[ Snoring ]


Nell.


Nell, wake up.


Huh?


Why are you sleeping on the kitchen table?


'Cause the dining-room table gives me splinters.


Oh, mrs. Falkenberg and that dog again, huh?


Oh, julie, I swear, one of them is in heat.


Good morning.


Ah, what a beautiful day. I'm just bursting with energy.


Good.


Plug the toaster in your nose.


What's the matter with nell?


That dog kept her up again all last night.


It got overheated or something.


I didn't hear a thing.


Then again, the minute I hop in bed, nothing can wake me up.


That news should thrill your future husband.


Morning, everybody.


Good morning, dad.


Morning, daddy. Hi, dad.


[ Snoring ]


What's for breakfast?


Anything you want... But you'll have to eat it raw.


Nell.


[ Barking ]


You make one more sound like that,


And I'm gonna have you fixed.


Chief, what's the penalty for strangling mrs. Falkenberg?


About years.


What are you gonna do?


I'm calling mrs. Falkenberg.


I'm gonna get her over here and let you two work this out.


Chief, I told you, I don't want to talk to her anymore.


Now, you listen to me.


One of the biggest problems today is lack of communication.


That's why there's so many guys sitting on death row,


Waiting to get the chair.


Hey, do you think one of them


Would consider holding a dog on their lap?


Uh, hello, mrs. Falkenberg.


This is chief kanisky next door.


We're having a little coffee klatch,


And, well, I thought you might like to drop over.


Over a cliff!


She'll be right over.


Now, remember what it says in the bible --


Love thy neighbor.


Chief, god never had to live next door


To mrs. Falkenberg.


Here comes the dog lady now.


Well, you better spread some newspapers on the floor.


Come on. Come on, nell.


Lighten up, will you?



[ Knock on door ]


Come on in, mrs. Falkenberg.


Uh, t-thank you for coming.


Here. Sit down, won't you?


I'll get some doughnuts.


Can I get you some coffee, tea, a bag for your head?


If it's your coffee, I'll take a stomach pump.


Chief, did you want to see me?


Yeah, uh...we have a little problem here,


And I suggested to nell that you two sit down and talk.


And she thought it was a splendid idea,


Didn't you, nell?


I suppose this is about wendell.


Yeah. Oh, that's your dog's name?


Yes, I named him after my late husband.


He loved dogs.


He led one to the altar.


Sticks and stones will break my bones,


But it would take a bulldozer to break yours.


Look, mrs. Falkenberg, do you suppose it would be possible


To keep your dog inside the house at night?


Well, he's my only protection.


Well, take it from a policeman, mrs. Falkenberg --


He can protect you better inside the house.


Well, I suppose I could try it.


Now, wasn't that easy, huh?


I can't understand


How you two ladies wasted so much energy fighting.


[ Laughs ]


[ Sighs ]


You know, the chief is probably right.


I really can't believe how upset I got over that --


That old fleabag of a dog.


Old fleabag?


Well, you got to admit,


He's not the smartest mutt in the world.


You watch it, sister.


They'll carry you out of here in a pooper-scooper.


Listen, turkey neck...


...if you don't keep that stupid dog in your yard,


They're gonna have to take a surgeon


To get my foot out of you know where.


That's it.


You're asking for w*r, hippo breath.


Hip-- hippo breath?!


Nell, dad says everything's gonna work out just fine.


[ Wendell barking ]


Get away from --


Get away from there!


Julie, find me a shopping bag.


Go get some matches.


I'll be right back.


Where's nell going with a shopping bag?


Well, she's got the shovel from the side of the house.


Now she's in the yard, scooping up garbage.


Ew.


Oh, yuck.


Nell okay, guys.


Don't breathe. Just exhale.


Give me the matches. Put it under there, okay?


What are you gonna do?


I'm gonna light this, ring mrs. Falkenberg's doorbell,


And let her come out and stomp out the flames.


Maybe her shoe will have a hole in it.


Wait, wait. It's too windy.


You better light it in here. Wait a minute.


It smells.


That buzzard will have to sleep with her feet out the window


For the next years.


If she wants w*r, get ready for some barbecued bunions.


Geronimo!


[ Wendell growling ]


Get away!


Nell, what's happening?!


He bit me!


Ow, he bit me!


Let go of it!


Let go!


What the hell is going --


No, chief!


You're making me nervous.


Listen, calm down, nell.


You got an open-and-shut case


With mrs. Falkenberg and her dog.


I've never been in front of a judge before.


Well, be thankful that it's you suing her,


Not me suing you.


Chief, which hurts the most --


Is it the sprain, or is it, you know, the burn?


Well, the sprain only hurts when I walk.


The burn only hurts when I stand still.


The smell is with me all the time.


[ Knock on door ]


Come in.


Hiya, nell.


Hiya, chief.


I just come by to see how your foot's doing.


How's your foot doing?


Aah!


It's got feeling. That's good.



Simpson, I'd ask you to sit down,


But I'm afraid you might suffer brain damage.


He's walking faster today.


Well, I guess I better get back to the station house, huh?


Good luck in court today, nell.


This is my first time. I need it.


Nell, you mean you never... Been in front of a judge?


Hey, you got to remember to always call him "your honor."


Never call him "your highness."


Somebody did that once.


I just got the feeling that I'm in big trouble.


What we got to remember is the most important thing in law --


You always check the criminal's record.


Now, how would it be


If I could find some incriminating evidence


Against mrs. Falkenberg?


Now, that would be terrific.


Good, 'cause I got a friend down at the hall of records.


She'd do anything for me.


Anything?


Well, I don't ask for a lot.


I'm not going all the way till I get married.


The next case is harper vs. Falkenberg.


Is the defendant here?


Here, your honor.


Please, approach the bench.


And the plaintiff, a miss harper?


Oh, here I am! Don't start without me!


Aah! Oh, chief, ooh, I'm sorry.


Excuse me.


Your honor, I'm going to be my own lawyer.


Well, that's one lawyer that's got a fool for a client.


Miss harper, in small-claims court,


We dispense with attorneys.


Oh, that's good, because they're shysters anyway.


I was an attorney for years.


[ Chuckles ]


Now, uh, this complaint states


That miss harper is seeking personal damages of $ million.


I hope you brought some cash.


Miss harper, the court would like to know


How you arrived at that amount.


Oh, that's easy, your honor.


Right here, I have a medical bill for $ .


And the rest is for damages done to my million-dollar body.


Well, your honor,


This woman is obviously a victim of inflation.


Watch it, sister.


Please, confine your remarks to the case at hand.


I intend to prove that this woman


Allowed her vicious dog


To bite me in the tushy.


My dog did not bite her in the tushy.


My dog wouldn't hurt a flea.


Please, you will be able to speak when it's your turn.


That's right. Every dog will have her day.


Uh, do you have any witnesses to support your claim?


Yes, I do.


I would like to call my first witness --


Miss samantha kanisky, please.


Aah!


Sorry, dad.


What is this, "romper room"?


Miss kanisky, would you please tell the judge


What you saw on the morning of the th?


Yes.


I saw mrs. Falkenberg's dog attack your behind.


Attack you from behind.


Thank you, dear. No further questions.


Your witness, fig face.


Little girl,


Have you actually seen my little dog dirty up your yard?


Not exactly, but I did see a bag full of garbage


That nell brought into the house.


Your honor, some people take in laundry.


I take in trash.


[ Gavel pounds ] judge order.


Please, continue.


Now, let me get this straight --


You saw that woman run down the street


With a flaming bag of garbage?


What did she mean to do with it --


Open the olympics?


No, she was gonna put it on your porch


And wait for you to stomp out the flames.


Your honor, I'm a patron of the dance.


I have no further questions.


I have one.


Can I borrow your hat next halloween?


Sweet child.


Uh, the witness is excused.


What we're dealing with here


Is a crank who obviously hates animals.


Animals? It's a vicious beast.


Vicious?


To answer that, I have only to call one witness.


Here, wendell.


Up on the chair.


Your honor, please.


[ Barking ]



This little cat -- he hasn't even been sworn in.


How can he be a witness?


Would the prosecution like to cross-examine the witness?


Sure.


I intend to prove that this vicious animal...


You're not making this easy for me, you know.


Miss harper, let me explain this problem.


Now, you have brought this woman and her cute little dog


Into court without any substantiating evidence.


Therefore, I have no choice but to dismiss the complaint.


Hey, I got good news, nell. Good news.


Order! Order in the court! Would you identify yourself?


I am officer ralph simpson of the glenlawn police department,


And I have just cracked this case wide open, your highness.


Oh. It's you again.


Do you have any evidence that bears upon this case?


Yeah, I do.


I just come from the hall of records,


And this will show that the aforementioned dog


Has previously bitten two prior persons.


Thank you. You're a lifesaver, simpson.


Mrs. Falkenberg, you say your dog never bit anyone.


Only the mailman and the gasman.


Every dog bites them.


Well, this changes things considerably.


Good. Let's talk damages.


Now, based on this evidence,


I award miss harper $ to cover her medical expenses,


Plus $ punitive damages.


Thank you.


[ Indistinct talking ]


[ Gavel pounding ]


Order in the court.


I further find that I have no choice


But to impound the dog and have him destroyed.


Falkenberg destroyed?!


That's the law.


What law is this?


Well, he's a three-time biter...


And the law of this city says he has to be destroyed.


m*rder*r! k*ller!


You mean because of me,


Wendell has to go to that doghouse in the sky?


Would you like to drop the charges?


[ Sighs ] wait a minute.


Let me consult with my associates here.


If wendell dies, I'm never speaking to you again.


Thank you for giving it so much thought.


Well, what do you think, samantha?


Katie?


He should have bitten you on both cheeks.


I like you.


Simpson, what do you think?


I got my own problems, nell.


To get this evidence, I had to go all the way.


I don't need you to tell me what to do.


I can make up my own mind.


Your honor... Let him go.


Case dismissed.


Thank you.


Thank you for saving wendell's life.


And, uh, and I promise to pay your medical bill.


And believe me, I'll try to keep him inside at night.


But if he still gets out?


Well, we'll outsmart him.


We'll chip in and insure your buns with lloyd's of london.


I like you.