06x04 - Open Wide and Say Aaagh!/Odd Pirates

[bunniefuu]

Chorus: ♪ timmy is an average kid that no one understands ♪

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room is broken instantly ♪

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality they are his oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

Wands and wings.

Floaty crowny things.

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, peapod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

Timmy: ♪ obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake ♪

Chorus: ♪ oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

Yeah, right.

[♪...]

[Snoring...]

[Alarm ringing]

Good morning, timmy.

Good mor...

[Groans] ow.

What's wrong, sweetie?

Is it wanda's morning breath?

Fear not, I have found the perfect cure.

[Screams]

That wasn't very nice.

Yeah, but that was two seconds of odorless bliss, baby.

[Gasps] my throat hurts.

What?

[Alarm blaring]

Uh, no need to get alarmed.

Just gotta move baby poof to a sterile environment.

He shouldn't be exposed to illnesses.

Hello, mama cosma?

Can you please...

Look after my adorable grandson

Whose thoughtless mother is exposing him to terrible illnesses?

No problem.

Ta-ta.

...babysit poof?

A sore throat?

That's awesome, timmy.

You'll have to stay home from school.

No, it's terrible.

If my mom finds out I have a sore throat

She'll take me to the... [Organ music] doctor.

And I'm terrified of the... [Organ music] doctor.

Hey.

[♪...]

Where'd you get the organ?

From an organ donor.

[Laughs] oh, yeah.

Just gonna... [Gasps] have to suck it up and go to school.

But it won't be so... [Gasps] bad, right?

[♪...]

[Kids chattering]

Ah... Throat sore, can't yell for help.

Cat got your tongue, turner?

Well, let's see how many lives you have left.

[Screams]

[Grunts]

Turner, -second oral report on the history of beef jerky.

Go.

Beef jerky comes from cows that are real jerks and...

[Screams]

Ha, you can't speak.

Looks like it's time to try out my new "f" blaster. [Laughs]

[Screams]

♪ North... North dakota, where the cold air goes into my... ♪

[Gasps]

Timmy turner, if you can't hit a high "c" like a real man

Then there's no place for you in the school musical.

Time to try out my new trap door.

[Screams, grunts]

I'm calling your parents.

You need your tonsils ripped out painfully.

[Laughs]

Timmy: I don't want my tonsils out.

Oh, timmy, don't worry, it'll be fun.

And afterwards you'll get to eat all the ice cream you want.

Ooh, ice cream for tonsils, that's a great deal.

Maybe I'll get something removed too.

Ooh, for my gall bladder, I can get a meatball hero.

I better get prepped for surgery.

[Shouts] the full moon is out.

Come on, honey, let's go find a doctor.

I want my hoagie.

Listen, I'm not letting some surgeon slice my tonsils out.

I'm gonna go the quick and painless way.

I wish my tonsils were... [Gasps] out.

Doctor cosmo and nurse wanda reporting for duty.

One painless tonsil removal coming right...

[Vicky laughing]

Hello, sicky, I'm nurse...

[♪...]

Vicky.

What are you... [Gasps] doing here?

I love volunteering in places where there's pain.

And speaking of pain, let's test your robotronic turbo a*t*matic hospital bed.

[Beep]

[Screaming]

Perfect.

Okeydokey, let's get you assigned to a doctor.

Hello, he already has a doctor.

I've got a tongue depressor, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Oops, I used it.

Hmm, this says you two are needed... Not here.

And it's my duty to get you there stat.

[Beep]

[Screaming]

[Crash]

Now, according to your chart, you need a twerp-ectomy.

Don't you mean tonsillectomy?

No, I mean twerp-ectomy.

It's where we remove your tonsils and your will to live.

Guess what, timmy.

For a twerp-ectomy, you get five nights in hawaii.

And I have just the right specialist in mind.

Ladies and germs, please put your diseased hands together for...

Dr. Snipowitz.

Dr. Snipowitz?

[♪...]

I used to be a veterinarian, but they told me I was too tough on the animals

So they assigned me to do twerp-ectomies.

Now to prep for neutering... I mean surgery.

And I'll get him to the morgue... I mean operating room.

[Beep]

[Cackling...]

Mmm, mmm.

That's timmy.

Two "mmm"s means he needs help.

Come on, doctor.

Doctor, come quickly.

We have a patient that's terribly sick.

[Groans]

Wow, he's disgusting.

Doctor, can you do anything?

Me, oh, yeah, I can do lots of things.

I can juggle, make faces, do shadow puppets.

Bow to the pinkie dragon.

Aah, I burned myself.

What about the patient?

[Groans]

I'm cured, it's a miracle.

Was that laser surgery?

Um... Yes.

I'm the, uh, world's greatest laser surgeon.

I'm hot again.

And you're amazing.

Come, let us heal more patients.

[Screams]

Oh...

[Cackling]

[Instruments whirring]

[Moaning]

Must avoid twerp-ectomy.

[Grunts]

[Beep]

Time for a taste of your own medicine.

[Beep]

Wow, that's one cool bed.

[Screaming]

Wow, that is one cool bed.

Now to find cosmo and wanda so I can wish these... [Gasps] tonsils out.

[Screams]

[Alarm blaring...]

Attention all nurses, code red.

We have a runaway twerp scheduled for a twerp-ectomy.

I need him scrubbed, clobbered, and prepped for surgery stat.

Oh, and clobbered.

[Yells]

They gotta be in one of these rooms.

[Screams]

[Grunts]

Aah, chainsaws.

Aah, giant scorpions.

[Screams]

What kind of hospital is this?

Aah, full moon.

Darn it, honey, I know I dropped my foot-long around here somewhere.

[Gibbering...]

[Grunts]

Where the heck are cosmo and wanda?

Uh, dr. Cosmo doesn't really have time for another laser surgery right now.

He's scheduled to remove a pink-hatted boy's tonsils.

You're right, nurse wanda, and even though I am the world's greatest laser surgeon

Timmy is our main concern.

From now on, I will think of nothing else but timmy turner.

Doctors, surgeons, proctologists...

Put your sanitized hands together

And give it up for the world's greatest laser surgeon, dr. Cosmo.

[Cheering and applause]

Wanda, they like me, they really like me.

Uh, what about timmy?

Who?

Oh, mighty dr. Cosmo...

Can you astound us all once again with your incredible healing powers?

Only if you promise to applaud really loud.

Open wide, cured.

Open wide, cured.

Ham, cured.

Ah.

Open wide, cured.

Eureka, my back is straight.

I'm nimble again.

To the candlestick.

Aah, my back.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

Cosmo, we've gotta find timmy.

And give it up for his amazing, talented, and gorgeous assistant.

[Cheering and applause]

I'm sure timmy's fine.

[Screams]

[Grunts]

There's no escape, runt.

Come with us so we can legally rip your throat out.

[Screaming]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams]

Beat it, bub.

[Screaming]

[Panting]

[Screaming]

I'm gonna do your twerp-ectomy myself.

Say good-bye, squirt.

Good-bye, squirt.

[Screams]

My twerp-ectomy, right on schedule.

Igor, test the patient's bed.

Yes, master.

[Beep]

Now to check out of this crazy hospital.

[Cheering and applause]

Ah, my next patient, d*sfigured beaver boy.

Let's see what I can do about those horrible teeth.

Forget it.

I wish my... Tonsils were out.

Hey, my throat doesn't hurt.

♪ I'm cured...

[Cheering and applause]

Dr. Cosmo is amazing.

He'll change the world.

And put us all out of business.

Let's get him!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Cool, I can scream in terror again.

[Screaming]

I don't think I'm cut out for medicine.

Maybe I'll open a deli.

Cured ham, anyone?

Ham, I'll give you a gall bladder for it.

I want my hoagie.

[♪...]

[Grunts]

Oh, timmy...[Yells]

Poof is really getting his wishing skills down.

Go on, wish for something.

Ok, I wish I had a baseball.

Ok, poof, wish timmy up a baseball.

[Giggles]

[Grunts]

Aw, he takes after me.

[Giggling]

Are you ok, sport?

[Spits] I'm great.

Not even the crushing pain of a bowling ball could dampen my mood

Because today is opening day for my favorite baseball team, the pirates.

Pirates?

I'm scared of pirates.

Hooks for hands, eye patches, talking parrots...

Not real pirates, cos-moron, the dimmsdale pirates.

Roll the footage.

I'm talking fireworks that explode after a home run.

Ooh... Ahh.

Timmy: a parrot mascot that fires t-shirts into the crowd.

And hot dogs.

Ooh, then take us out to the ball game.

We'll all go just as soon as my baseball-loving mom and dad come get me.

Mom and dad: oh, timmy...

We've painted ourselves like gold doubloons for the big game.

Go pirates!

And we plundered golden tickets for golden seats right behind home plate.

Yay!

Those are the best seats in the stadium.

They must have cost a fortune.

Ooh, they did.

Which is why I could only afford two, for your mom and me.

Go, not timmy.

But don't worry, timmy, we brought you a real pirate treasure chest of fun.

Aah!

Yo-ho-ho and a barrel of fun.

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of bye, timmy.

They're going to the game without me?

And so am i.

[Screams]

I'll be back to dig you out before your parents get home.

Now, I'll just make a map to remember where you're buried.

One... Two... Whatever.

Go, pirates!

Timmy: I wish I was out of the treasure chest.

Now I wish I was above ground.

Go, pirates!

[Horns honking]

Everyone's going to the game except me?

I don't think so.

I wish we could...

Oh, timmy, can poof grant this wish?

It'll be great practicefor him.

Why not, what could possibly go wrong?

I wish we could watch the pirates in action.

[Giggles]

This isn't the pirate game, it's a pirate ship.

Poof sent us back in time.

Well, poof's just a baby.

At least he got the pirate part right.

Pirates?

[Screams]

[Clamoring]

[Screams]

Well, as long as we're not late for the game...

I suppose battling pirates could be fun.

I wish the pirates had balloon swords instead of real ones.

Watch how mommy does it, poof.

[Clamoring]

Now watch how timmy does it, poof.

Play ball.

[Screams]

[Stammering]

Strike one.

[Shouting]

Strike two.

[Shouting]

[Screaming]

Strike three, game over.

[Imitates crowd]

The crowd goes wild.

[Roaring]

[Screams]

[Growls, coughs]

[Squawks]

He said, "I'm dirtybeard, the meanest and dirtiest pirate on the seven seas."

[Gibbering]

[Squawk]

He also said, "you lost my gold.

Now you'll be getting it back by walking the plank."

[Squawking]

Timmy, wish crusty butt and his mateys away

Then get me an omelet pan, quick.

Fine, pirate fun time over.

Aw...

I wish we were all back in dimmsdale.

Awesome, we're home.

[Pirate growls]

Fans: go, pirates!

You let poof make the wish, didn't you?

Well, how else is he going to learn?

Besides, he did get us back to dimmsdale.

[Gibbering]

[Squawk]

Dirtybeard says, "get their gold."

[Gasping]

[Squawk]

[Screaming] our wands!

[Gibbering]

[Screaming]

If I miss that baseball game, I'm totally blaming you.

Calm down.

It's not like the pirates can do any real damage to dimmsdale

While they're floating out here in the water, right?

Right. [Laughs]

It's not like I wished that this ship was equipped with x tires

And a hot rod engine that would enable it to drive on land.

[Giggles]

No, no, poof, don't.

[Engine revving]

We've gotta get your wands back.

[Gibbering]

[Horn blows]

[Gibbering]

Whoa!

[Shouting]

[Laughs]

Ok, poof, make mama proud.

I wish we were free of this net.

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Kitty.

No, no, poof, no.

[Screams]

Ahoy, we're the best pirate fans ever.

[Horn blows]

[Gasps] you think you're better than us, don't you?

[Beep]

[Grunts]

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of eat this.

[Gibbering]

[Squawk]

Dirtybeard says, "blast the ugly late-model pirate wagon."

Poof, sweetie, listen to mommy this time.

You have to poof us off this ship.

[Giggles]

[Screaming]

My bad, I should've been more specific.

Well, at least there's no more gold around here.

Except for the big gold stadium

Full of gold-painted people on gold hat day.

[Screaming]

This is chet ubetcha saying... Does this gold suit make me look fat?

I mean, welcome to pirates opening day.

It should be a blast.

Eh, maybe they are better than us.

[Horn blows]

[Squawk]

Dirtybeard says, "get the gold, get the gold."

Arr.

Arr.

Arr.

"R."

[Yelling]

Ok, you hold off the pirates, and I'll go get the pirates.

You know what I mean.

Ah, snack food.

One hot dog, please.

Ketchup, mustard, and hold the pirates.

Why aren't you guys defending your fans?

You can't sit here doing nothing.

Yeah, we can.

The game's delayed on account of pillaging.

But if the pirates hurt all your fans, no one will come see you play anymore.

If no one comes see you play

Then you won't get paid your million-dollar salaries for playing a game.

What do you say to that?

Let's get 'em!

[Shouting]

[Grunting...]

Yay.

Hey, unhand my sizzling cylindrical tube of meat byproduct!

Get ready to face my booty, pirates!

[Grunts]

[Yelling]

I stopped the pirates, and I invented the scrambled hot dog and egg sandwich.

[Grunting]

[Screaming]

[Cheering and applause]

The pirates beat the pirates, the pirates beat the pirates.

[Cheering]

And this is chet ubetcha saying game over. [Grunts]

Not until we get back our gold.

[Yells]

[Coughs]

Yuck, a chicken bone.

Aye, thank you, kind lad.

That thing's been stuck in me throat for ages.

You mean all this time you've just been choking on something?

I've been asking for help for years, laddie, but that stupid bird kept translating wrong.

It was him that wanted your gold, not me.

[Squawk] and I'm gonna get it, too.

Not on my watch.

Booty powers activate.

I'll settle for seats behind home plate.

I'm afraid I owe you an apology for those brutes running amok in your town.

I never even wanted to be a pirate.

No, I wanted to be a chef.

But once that bone got stuck in me throat and I uttered me first "arr"

Me dear old mum sent me off to pirate school.

I guess my dream of serving food will... Will never come true.

Actually, maybe it can.

Cosmo, wanda, now that you've got your wands back, it's time to make some wishes.

Cool, we saved the town from pirates, got ourselves awesome seats...

Pirate dogs, get your pirate dogs here.

And got dirtybeard his dream job.

Three hot dogs, please.

Godparents: ew.

[Screaming]

I think I just laid another egg.

You're not an ostrich anymore.

Yeah, I know.

Man: eat this!

[♪...]