05x13 - Oh, Brother!/What's the Difference?

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings!

Floaty, crowny things!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

♪ Obtuse rubber goose ♪

♪ Green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake ♪

♪ Large fries, chocolate shake! ♪

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents!

Yeah, right.

Aagh!

[Panting]

Cosmo! Wanda!

Tootie alert!

We're at toot-con .

You gotta hide me!

Huh? Toot-con ?!

That's one toot shy of disaster!

Mission accomplished!

Hey, where'd timmy go?

[Sighs]

Ha ha ha!

Timmy?

[Sniffs]

Timmy!

Oh, well.

I guess I'll just have to invite

Him to my special cream puffs pageant

After school.

Great!

Now I have to worry about tootie

Before, during, and after school.

If you ever get there.

Aagh!

Oh, no! Wait!

Oh, no!

Wait!

Sanjay, let me give you a lift to school.

On my back, soldier!

[Panting]

Hi, timmy.

You have a big brother?

Yes!

He is my step-father's son.

And not only is he the greatest big brother ever,

But look!

Juice box, little bro?

He comes with a cup holder.

Ha ha ha!

Does that not bring delight?

[Sighs]

[Panting]

You know, this isn't exactly what I meant

When I wished I had a ride to school.

Don't worry, timmy.

I can man this bike up!

[Ringing]

[Laughter]

[Gasps]

Ok, brainiac,

You ready to study for a geography test?

'Cause I'm gonna spread pieces of your body

All over the planet.

My big brother wouldn't like that.

S'yeah!

Everybody knows you don't have a big brother.

That's why I built one.

Gray child...

Release the creator.

Hey!

[Growls]

Ow!

[Growls]

Ow!

[Groans]

[Crash]

Turner.

My records indicate

You don't have a big brother.

Uh, yeah.

Oh, we have a winner.

Time for a geography test.

Man, the guys are lucky they all have big brothers.

If I had a big brother,

He could give me rides to school.

Beat up francis,

Play catch with me,

Beat up francis.

Donate a kidney,

Drive the getaway car,

Loan you bail money.

I mean hypothetically.

That settles it.

I wish I had the perfect big brother,

One who'd look out for me, take care of me,

And always have my best interests at heart.

Oh, and beat up francis!

Hey, sport. I'm tommy.

How's my little brother?

You want to play catch?

Need a ride to school?

How 'bout bail money?

Awesome!

Mom: timmy, time for dinner!

Come on, champ!

And let me give you a little brotherly advice:

You gotta wash up before you chow down.

Ok, brother!

We should have made this wish

A long time ago!

Dad: honey, I'm home!

Do you remember tommy, our son?

Out -year-old son?

?!

But what's-his-face is only !

That means you're old!

And I've forgotten wedding anniversaries.

Be right back with more presents.

More presents?

Works for my old self!

Welcome home, son!

[Crunch]

Ow! My hip!

Well, you're not hip anymore. You're old!

[Giggling]

Chester: a big brother, huh?

Where's he been all this time?

Uh, ti--beck--tib--tib.

Tibecuador!

A mountain country where tommy studied medicine...

That I now wish was real.

You're a doctor?

And a musician.

And a nuclear physicist.

But what I really care about

Is my poetry.

[Laughter]

Both: will you be our big brother, too?!

Sorry, guys.

Only here for timmy.

Without tommy, I am nothing.

Wow!

You're everything great about

Being a big brother

Rolled into one dreamy tibecuadorean hunk!

That was awesome!

Thanks, champ!

Tommy, would you and timmy

Like to come to my cream puffs pageant?

Let her down gently.

She's kind of nuts.

I'd love to!

In fact, we'd both be delighted!

We?!

Sure!

We can fit it in right after

Me and scooter here

Finish building houses for the poor.

Wanda: wow!

He's so hygienic!

Cosmo: ♪ wow

My wife thinks tommy's dreamy.

Well, it wouldn't hurt you

To pay more attention to hygiene.

And maybe do a few ab crunches.

And get on a treadmill.

Hello! No arms! No abs!

Fish!

Aah!

Ok, tiger! Lights out!

The early bird catches the worm.

Why would I want to do that?

'Cause tomorrow, we're donating worms

To homeless fisherman.

Good-night, timmy.

Wanda: good-night, tommy!

Tommy: what was that?

Timmy: my stomach.

Thanks for the worms, guys!

Ok, half-pint,

We have the rest of saturday to do what we want?

What should it be?

Watch cartoons! Play video games!

Have beat francis to a dumb, gooey pulp!

Or we could do our chores.

What?!

You gotta be kidding.

Who would kid about something so fulfilling?

Not me,

'Cause I'm not doing 'em.

You're not the boss of me.

Timmy,

Your rapidly-aging mother and I

Have been talking with tommy,

Or as we like to call him,

The boss of you,

And we're a bit worried about your work ethic.

You don't seem to have one, scamp.

Duh!

Who's going to take care of me

In my old age?

Don't you mean your current age?

Ow! My other hip!

Timmy, your brother suggested

It might be beneficial for you

To spend some time in tibecuador like he did.

What?!

Oh, it'll be great, ace!

You'll forge your character on the anvils of boredom,

Dysentery, and back-breaking manual labor.

Right!

No!

Oh, he's so excited.

Guys! Guys!

We have to get rid of tommy quick!

My parents want to send me to tibecuador

So I can be like tommy.

I wish I was an only child again.

Hmm?

What's wrong?

Tootie: tommy?!

Uh, you're saying it wrong,

It's "timmy" with an "i."

As in I love tommy now!

He's nice to me!

He'd never do anything to hurt me.

Where is he? Where is he? Where is he?!

That's why we can't poof him away.

Tootie's in love with tommy.

All: and you can't wish away true love.

Man, that's annoying.

And you know what's even more annoying?

If I want tommy gone,

I'm gonna have to make tootie love me again!

[Retches]

[Doorbell rings]

Hey, tootie.

These are for you.

Do you love me again?

No.

But I can donate these to the hospital

Tommy just built.

[Laughing]

[Doorbell rings]

Uh, hi, tootie.

My, you look lovely.

I brought you candy.

Now do you love me again?

No!

And tommy says candy will give me cavities.

Why can't you be smart like him?!

Are you gonna finish that?

Oh, boy!

Street chocolate!

♪ And so, tootie

♪ Can't you see

♪ That's why you should love ♪

♪ Me

[Sighs]

I do.

I do, mystery singer!

[Retching]

Tommy: hey, chief!

Man, here comes captain perfect

To take me to tootie's pageant

And then ship me to tibecuador.

And as long as tootie still loves him,

There's nothing we can do to stop it.

So, start packing, what's-your-face.

But you can stall him, right?

Nothing in the rules to prevent that.

Commencing operation

Get rid of the hunky older brother

Who makes the rest of us look like schlubs.

Hey, schlubby, wait up.

[Meow] oh, no!

A poor, defenseless,

And oddly green kitten

Stuck up in a bizarre pink tree.

Hang on, weird cat!

Timmy: aagh!

[Straining]

The doors are locked.

I'll try around back.

There we go.

And just enough time

To get to tootie's pageant.

[Kids singing off-key]

Oh, no! Tone-deaf orphans!

I must teach them to sing!

Hang on, weird orphans!

[Gasps]

[Sighs]

[Kids singing in key]

Ah, perfect.

And I still have time to get to tootie--

Oh. What would an old man say?

Um. Arf! Aah!

Eeh! Oof!

Oh, no!

A green old man without insurance

In need of open heart surgery.

Hang on, weird old man!

[Whimpering]

Tommy didn't show up!

[Gasps]

But what's-his-face is here.

See those tiny hearts?

Tommy out, timmy in.

[Audience cheering]

I love you, what's-your-face!

That's timmy! With an "i--"

As in I wish I was an only child again.

[Grunting]

Just a few more stitches

And you'll be fine.

[Groans]

I hope I remember how to do this.

Aah! I'm young again!

And I'm taking the extra presents back!

Ow! My back!

Ew! You're old!

I gotta say,

Having a big brother was cool.

But not having a big brother

Is even cooler.

Well, I just hope wherever tommy is

He's happy.

[Drums beating]

Hurray!

As if by magic,

I have a big brother all my own.

Finally someone to play soccer with,

And watch cartoons,

And beat up francisco!

No, scout, we don't have time to play soccer

And watch cartoons.

There are tone-deaf llamas

In need of heart surgery.

Hang on, weird llamas!

Oh, brother.

Mom: ow! My hip!

[Bell rings]

Same old school.

Same old hallways.

Same old locker.

I feel like I'm in a rut.

I do the same thing every day.

I know the perfect way out of this rut.

I'll do something I'd never do!

I'll go to the library!

Aagh!

I don't know you anymore!

Wanda!

Wherefore art thou, wanda?

I'm up here, you moron.

Ugh!

Can we skip to juliet's funeral?

This place stinks.

Nobody told me this place was full of

Pictureless books.

But, timmy,

There's plenty of fun books in here.

"Of mice and men,"

"The grapes of wrath."

What could be more fun

Than wrath or grapes?

No! No! This one!

This one has pictures in it!

I'm in!

Ooh!

Find-its!

The fun puzzle book where everything is hidden...

Right where you can see it,

But not where you'd think to look for it.

Oh, timmy,

This book is for -year-olds.

This should be a snap.

Scissors are a lobster,

Barber pole is a candy cane,

Shovel, not a broom.

Hey!

You're pretty good at this!

It's for -year-olds!

It's pretty simple!

All I do is look for things

Where I'd least expect them

And I find them immediately.

It's a piece of cake.

And there's a piece of cake right there.

Oh, wait, that's a barber.

Boy: turner!

[Screaming]

You must, like, help me!

For my image fakifier is totally malfunctioning!

Chill out, chang.

I can totally wish this thing fixed.

What's the hurry?

Well, one, everyone will know

There's a space alien in your class.

And, two, I am now wearing a dress!

And, , without the fakifier, mandie,

My super-hot super-murderous fiancee,

Whom I left at the altar,

Can find me!

What are the chances of that?

I'm back!

Wow!

The library's a lot more exciting

Than I thought it would be.

[Grunts]

Mark, darling,

Did you miss me?

Because this time, I'm not gonna miss you.

Uh, uh!

I wish mark and the whole school

Was like this book!

Like my "find-its!"

What?

He's gone?!

It's as if this whole school

Has been transformed into a child's puzzle book--

For -year-olds.

Told you.

Mandie: you'll pay for this.

Prepare to meet your doom!

Meat?

Thank you, horrible visual pun.

This is your fault!

You will pay for this!

[Stammering]

Hey, is that mark

Asking for your hand in marriage?

Where?!

[Growls]

Uh, timmy,

You know, you could have just wished

Mandie away.

I panicked, ok?

But now I'm calm.

I wish mandie was back on her home planet

And didn't have any idea where mark chang was.

Both: your wish is our...

Poultry

Oh, great!

The find-it wish switched our wands

With turkey legs.

Mmm!

No wonder my wand tastes so delicious!

Are you gonna finish your wand?

Come on!

We gotta find your wands

Before mandie finds mark!

Or worse! Before you-know-who catches on.

Who-know-who?

[Grunts]

Hey!

My desk is made of cheese!

Hmm!

This is either the work of the dimmsdale dairy council

Or fairy godparents!

Ah, well! No matter!

Back to the fs!

Not a wand.

Not a wand.

Not a wand.

Hey, timmy,

Does something seem slightly weird

About the school to you--

As though it were designed by -year-olds?

Nope. Not at all.

There's something wrong here.

You're right!

There's no turkey in there!

Oh, mark!

Time to play hide and go die!

[Growls]

Woman: oh, hi!

You must be the new social studies teacher.

Nice flame sword.

I keep a medieval flail under my desk.

[Buzzing]

[Screaming]

Hmm!

A -letter word for a magical creature

That grants wishes with the use of a wand.

Wand? Wand, wand, wand, wand,

Wand, wand, wand, wand.

Jeepers! Today's puzzle is hard!

Wands! Wands! Wands!

Oh, man!

This is taking forever!

Don't you have any idea where the wands are?

No.

This is one tough find-it, timmy.

But if I had to eat my way through every

Part of it to find our wands,

So be it!

[Yelps]

[Growls]

[Screaming]

Aah! That's not a hot dog!

It's a dog dog.

Come on!

We have to find those wands

Before mandie finds mark or me!

Jelly doughnut.

Jelly doughnut.

Aah!

Is every doorknob in this school

Made of sugary fried jelly filled dough?!

Oh, I sure hope so!

Get away from my jelly!

Aagh!

Toilet, toilet, toilet.

Hippo head?

If you go in me, you die.

Ok.

When a toilet starts talking,

It's time to give up.

Don't give up, timmy.

If this was a find-it in one of your books,

What would you do?

Look for the thing I'm looking for

Where I'd least expect to find it.

Both: crocker's room!

Ah!

-Letter word for a student I hate.

Last letters "are immyturner."

Immy? Immy, immy, immy.

Nope!

Oh, man! He's in there.

How can we search his room?

Uh, we have other problems, timmy.

Other really voluptuous problems!

Aha!

[Growling]

That new social studies teacher

Sure is crazy.

At least she doesn't have a medieval flail.

Come out, mark!

I know you're here somewhere!

Aha!

Darn it!

[Screams]

Uh-oh!

You!

Tell me where mark is!

I--i don't know!

Fine!

If I can't find mark,

Then I'll turn all of dimmsdale

Into a crater.

[Beeping] a b*mb?!

It was an apple.

[Ticking]

Unless, of course,

Somebody is willing to sacrifice themselves

To be my husband.

Well, if I have to.

Not you!

Hideous mandie!

I beseech you!

Ok, if I surrender

And, like, promise to marry you,

Will you spare these pitiful humans?

Of course not.

But the crater they make

Will be a perfect honeymoon spot for us!

Oh, well, I tried.

Oh, no! We're doomed.

Unless...

Mr. Crocker, look!

The totally attractive

New social studies teacher

Just uh...

Won a trophy

For best hunchbacked teacher

Who lives with his or her mother.

What?!

That's impossible!

I had that category sewn up!

My desk may be made of cheese,

That locker might be a domino,

And those trash cans might have blinking eyes,

But if I'm not the best hunchback teacher

Who lives with his or her mother,

There's only one logical explanation...

Quick, find your wands!

Look for stars and straight lines.

What's a straight line?

No wand.

No wand.

No turkey.

No cookie.

No wand.

No straight lines!

Where are you, straight lines!

You two search while I stir

With this fancy stirring stick.

Crocker: give me that blinking,

Slimy talking green trophy, woman!

Now, to find the wand.

Wand, wand, wand.

Ow!

Cease your constant pulling

On my shiny handles!

Man, this cocoa's so good,

It's like magic.

Oh, duh.

Cosmo, quick, take this wand and--

Oh, what am I thinking?

Wanda!

I wish cosmo could find his wand.

Still can't find it.

Hey, I found it!

And I wish mandie was back on her planet

And didn't know where mark was

And everything wasn't a find-it any more.

[Struggling]

Oh! I'd like to thank the acad--

Drat!

Hey!

Ah! Back in the rut.

It's good to have everything back to normal.

Turner, I cannot thank you enough.

I'm just glad your image fakifier

Is working again.

What happened to it anyway?

I do not know.

But, ha ha,

I promise it will never happen again.

Hey, you're cute.

Aagh! Kisses!

From earth women!

It is happening again!

Jelly doughnut! Mine!

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah, jelly!

Get away from my jelly!

Frederator!