05x09 - Talkin' Trash/Timmy TV

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ Because in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings!

Floaty, crowny things!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

♪ Obtuse rubber goose ♪

♪ Green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake ♪

♪ Large fries, chocolate shake! ♪

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents!

Vicky: yeah, right.

Ha ha ha! So there.

You didn't think I could do it, but I did.

I built this scale-model gemini rocket all by myself--

No magic, no wishes, just me, me--

Blast off!

Hey, I didn't launch my rocket...

Or build a mouth on it.

Who did that? Did what?

But as long as you're launching mouths,

Can you send wanda's into orbit?

Dad: oh, timmy! Could you come downstairs for a minute?

Coming! I'm serious.

No more magic unless I say the words "I wish."

Got it?

Got it. Got it.

Aah!

Aah!

Uh!

That was so not fun--

Oh...hi, dad.

Son, do you know why I give you your tiny allowance?

Because if you called it pay, you'd break child-labor laws?

Exactly...

And because I want you to do the chores

I don't want to do, like take out the trash.

Now do your labor! I mean, job.

I mean, chores.

Hmm, funny.

I don't remember putting on feather shorts this morning.

Uh, pick up that man egg

For me, would you, son?

Oof, what is that stench?

Uh, yeah. It smells like wanda's cooking

Or your dad laid a man egg.

Aah! Man egg!

Aah!

Hey. What did I just say about waiting

For me to say "I wish" before you do stuff?

But, timmy, we didn't do anything.

Well, then, why did my rocket take off?

Why did the stairs turn into a slide,

And why does my dad have bird legs?

Maybe he should work out more,

And he has high cholesterol.

You know, sport, it would be a lot easier to concentrate

If this place didn't smell like cosmo's feet.

[Sniff sniff]

Good point.

Cosmo, I wish the garbage was gone.

What?

Now, wait a second.

Uh-oh. Here she goes.

Is this how you two always take out the trash?

Duh! Duh!

And where did you poof the garbage away to?

Well, I felt the front yard would be tacky.

The dump is so minutes ago,

And so I went for under the house.

What?

Didn't I warn you a million times

Never to just poof the garbage away?

Yeah, but you warn us not to do a lot of stuff that's fun or easy.

So we tend to ignore you now.

Besides, I used magical two-ply trash bags.

The first ply is plastic.

The second ply is magic. Two plies!

Oh, no! So that's what's going on here.

As the garbage decomposes,

So does the magic around it.

Hey!

Honey, is it just me, or is this the least comfortable couch on earth?

It's causing stinky magic.

Oh. Like in vegas?

[Roar]

Aah! It smells like man egg in here.

Stinky magic can have some very strange

And unpredictable effects on the house and the people in it.

[Dad and mom scream]

Like that.

Do you always have to be right?

Yes!

I can't believe our couch is this upset.

I told you you should have fluffed the pillows more.

We have to do something.

I wish everything was back to normal.

You got it.

[Ppbbt]

You don't got it.

Aah!

Aah!

Egad!

There's only one thing to do at a time like this.

What's going on? Why didn't your magic work?

You see, magical garbage is sort of tricky, timmy.

Ooh! Oh! You know who should be here?

Big daddy!

No, no, no!

Big daddy can be sort of hard to get along with.

Big daddy?

Yep. Big daddy-- wanda's father.

He knows all about magical garbage.

He's got the trash-collection contracts for all of fairy world.

That's perfect.

Then I wish wanda's father was here right now.

You got it. Cosmo! No!

I'm funny to you? Funny how, like a clown?

Am I wearing big shoes, a funny hat?

Yes!

I'm so sorry, big daddy.

I just forgot, that's all.

I'll pay.

Hey, this isn't the riverfront,

And you ain't carmine impero.

Wanda: big daddy!

Sugar plum!

Mr. Big daddy, I'm timmy turner.

And I'm big daddy. Here's my card.

[Reading aloud]

What's so important you drag me here from my very violent--

I mean, important business meeting?

Aah!

Ptoo!

Ee! Aah! Ooh!

What is this show rated?

That--stinky magic,

And I need your sanitation expertise to clean this up.

So get to it garbage boy, chop-chop.

If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games.

Oh!

Nobody tells big daddy how to do his job.

Cosmo: timmy.

You don't talk to big daddy like that.

People who aggravate big daddy have a habit of disappearing,

Like amelia earhart or hootie & the blowfish.

Do I look like a servant to you?

Actually, yes.

Wrong answer.

Big daddy! No!

This is my godchild timmy.

This is the timmy you told me about?

This is mr. "Listen to you all the time,"

Mr. Good boy, mr. Perfect teeth?

Uh...sort of.

Aah!

Gaah!

What's next?

I suppose for laughs, you're gonna tell me you married this guy.

Heh heh. Funny story. Um...

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Man egg!

It's bad for my psyche, but good for my hair.

Aah!

Ok. That's it. Come on, lamb pop. We're out of here.

Cosmo, wanda won't stand up to her father.

It's up to you.

Then it's been a pleasure working with you.

Say hello to hootie for me.

No. It is up to me.

Nobody move.

Jorgen von strangle!

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Big daddy, you have no authority to take wanda away from timmy.

That is my job.

You know what else could be your job, flattop?

Shoveling your way out of your house past mountains of trash.

Uh, wait. You didn't let me finish.

You have no authority to take wanda away,

So I hereby deputize you.

Bye. Say hello to hootie for me.

All right. Hurry up with the packing. Move it.

[Dad and mom scream]

Mom! Dad!

Aah! We're being sucked down into the basement.

But we don't have a basement.

We do now.

It's the perfect place to store my man eggs.

Aah! Aah!

Fine. You're right.

I should have listened to wanda...

But I don't have time to listen to this.

Hey, nobody touches big daddy.

People who touch big daddy--

Disappear. I know. I heard.

You don't want to help me save my parents, fine.

Then I'll do it myself.

Bathroom?

The stinky magic must be rearranging the whole house now.

That's better.

[Ring]

Woman: the number you've reached is trying to k*ll you.

It's time to take out the trash.

[Gasp] [gasp]

Hey, my favorite shirt.

You told me it was stolen by canadians.

[Roar]

This might be bad.

Yaah! Aah!

Hi, timmy! Hi, timmy!

Yaah! Aah!

Huh? What?

I told you before, kid--

Nobody tells big daddy how to do his job.

Hey! Waah!

Because nobody does his job better than big daddy.

How did you do all that?

I know things.

The garbage is all gone.

Your mom and dad, they'll just think they had a bad dream.

Horrible, painful basement.

Uh! It's my shirt.

Get away, you canadians.

Get away!

Oh, big daddy, thank you so much

For saving timmy's parents.

Hey, he loves his family so much, he stood up to me.

I wouldn't let it happen again,

But I respect it, kid.

You got moxie.

Well, as long as we're standing up to big daddy,

It's time to discuss taking over the family business.

For starters, I think that i--agh!

A certain someone should be quiet

Before a certain someone ends up sleeping with the fishes.

Oh! Is it me? I love scuba diving.

Thanks for helping me save my family.

All right, but don't tell nobody.

Now I got to go.

It's binky's turn to buy lunch.

Bye, butter dimple.

Bye, big daddy.

Bye, big daddy-in-law.

Hey, I think he likes me.

Oop! Or not.

Ooh! Aah! I'm sleeping with the fishes.

Big daddy: oh!

Good evening, dimmsdale. I'm chet ubetcha.

Welcome to "chet ubetcha's

Lifestyles of the rich and wasteful."

Tonight we are going to see how famous people better than you

Live their lives,

Including pop diva britney britney--

So rich and famous, she swims in the tears of her many male fans.

We love you, britney britney.

Next, chip skylark--so famous, he gets his aerobic workouts

With the help of his fans.

We love you, chip skylark!

Money, getting on tv, trixie tang chasing you--

Wouldn't being famous be the coolest, you guys?

Oh, it is the coolest.

Just look at my super-cool shades.

All us stars have them.

What are you talking about? You're not a star.

Yes, I am.

In fact, we're all stars.

Aah!

[Whistles]

Wait a second. Call me crazy--

What?

There's no secret that could be discovered

By an impromptu trip to fairy world.

[Ding]

I think you two are hiding something.

I want to go to fairy world right now.

Uh...uh... Uhh...

What's the matter?

Uh, timmy, it's just, you usually give us

A little notice when you want to go to fairy world.

It's not very polite to just drop in.

And when has being polite ever mattered to me?

Yeah. The only time you see the words "timmy" and "polite"

In the same sentence is if the word "isn't" is between them.

I wish we were in fairy world right this second.

Look. It's timmy.

Cosmo is so cute.

Wanda is fatter in person.

Hey, what's going on?

Why is everybody staring at us?

We love you, timmy!

We love your pink hat.

Hey, do the impolite thing.

What are you talking about?

Hey, he's doing the impolite thing.

Who loves cosmo?

[Cricket chirps]

Timmy: "timmy tv, "weeknights at "?

What's "timmy tv"?

Oh, nothing--

Just our highest-rated reality show.

But now that turner knows he's on tv,

Our success will be over...

And it's all your faults.

Right--our faults, mr. Sparklefield.

Our bad, mr. Sparklefield.

You're fired.

Aah! Aah!

This is a disaster.

It might not be.

Stop the presses.

Well, now that turner knows everything,

We can strongly suggest he make a few changes to his life

So that "timmy tv" is the smashingest smash hit ever.

Now get me a meeting with fairy world's number-one star.

I'm fairy world's number-one tv star?

This is awesome.

Cosmo: my fans, my wonderful fans,

I love you.

[Cricket chirping]

Oh, I'm getting a glaring ovation.

See, timmy, the studio

Has been secretly broadcasting

Your charming, screwball life

To all of fairy world.

For how long?

Ever since they canceled "leave it to binky."

Didn't you notice the cameras everywhere?

Hmm, now that you mention it, no...

But who cares? Fame totally rocks.

[Cricket chirps]

And now I'm off to my first power lunch.

Well, timothy, enjoying the fame

Now that you're a star?

Aah! Aah!

Hey, what's not to like?

Wanda: uh, simon, about timmy knowing--

It's not his fault. It's ours.

No worries, my dear,

But seeing as the cat is out of the bag,

I feel if timmy is willing to make

A few little changes to the show,

You could all be famous beyond your wildest dreams.

Please! Please don't take my character out of the show, mr. Sparklefield.

I have so many adoring fans.

[Cricket chirps]

Don't worry, cosmo.

I'm the star, and I would never let that happen.

Now, where do I sign?

Right here, actually.

Shouldn't you read that?

Ha! Read?

The only time you see the words "timmy" and "read"

In the same sentence is if the word "doesn't" is in the middle.

The private studio pool is yours to use anytime, timmy.

Brilliant, simon.

Now, about those changes to your life--

You'll need a catchphrase,

Something you say all the time, like, uh,

"What could possibly go wrong?"

We also want to change the color of your hat to purple.

But the pink hat is my thing.

Oh, this is what I was worried about.

Don't you want him to just be himself?

Nag, nag, nag.

No wonder you're the third least popular character

On the show.

The fans, they still love me, though, right?

[Ding]

Aah!

Got to tell you, big "t,"

Purple would make you way more famous.

What could possibly go wrong?

♪ Give him a purple hat ♪

♪ He'll wear it

♪ Give him ice cream

♪ He won't share it ♪

♪ He's timmy

♪ He's just like you and me

♪ Except he's got fairies

♪ He's got teeth the size of minivans ♪

♪ There's no end to his shenanigans ♪

♪ He's timmy, he's just like you and me ♪

♪ Except he's got fairies

♪ He's got fairies ♪

♪ He's a kid who's irresistible ♪

♪ Life with him is unpredictable ♪

♪ He's timmy, he's just like you and me ♪

♪ Except he's got fairies

[Audience laughs]

[Audience laughs]

Timmy, honey,

I'm going to make you a nice, big breakfast.

Gee, mom, that sounds--

Timmy: uh, what could possibly go wrong?

[Audience laughs]

I'd just love to know what's so funny about pancakes and eggs.

[Audience laughs]

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Ha! What could possibly go wrong?

[Audience laughs]

Well, fix yourself a bowl of cereal, then, smarty pants,

And for being so rude, you're grounded for a week.

Big "t," what are you doing?

Grounded for a week does not an exciting reality show make.

What are you talking about?

I got grounded because I did exactly what you said to do.

You're right.

Maybe we'll replace mom with someone a little less shrill.

Find out if florence henderson is available.

You can't do that.

Sure, we can... With a little of this and a little of this.

Timmy, since you're not grounded after all,

How about some snacks?

Thanks, mrs. Brady-- I mean, mom.

Wow. Your mom sure is a lot less shrill.

[Audience laughs]

Hey, I'm funny.

[Audience laughs]

Oh, I love mom as a blonde.

But what's with the braceface and the bald kid?

Simon: sorry to interrupt, big "t," but the audience loves your new mom,

So we're going to keep making changes.

This is it.

Good-bye, wanda. Good-bye, timmy.

A.j. And chester got to go.

Well, it's about time.

What are you talking about?

They're my best friends. I happen to like them.

But as our research clearly shows,

Your fans don't.

Now meet your wacky new sidekicks.

Ee! Ee! Ee! Ee!

Aah!

Yaah!

Help!

Yaah!

Ooh, honey, have you done something new

With your hair, face, and body?

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Get timmy's friends off my head!

[Audience laughing]

All: we love "timmy tv"!

Ha ha ha!

I knew the audience would love those adorable chimps.

Can this show get any more massive?

Impossible.

Unthinkable.

Wrong answer. You're fired.

Aah! Aah!

As you can see, chimps score huge with the audience,

But wanda and cosmo, I'm afraid, do not.

What? Don't tell me you're thinking

Of getting rid of cosmo and wanda.

You can't just separate us.

And yet, I can.

Big "t" here is under contract, remember?

Wow. The only time you see the words "timmy" and "contract" together

Is if you see the phrase...

You can get rid of my hat, my mom, and my best friends,

But you can't get rid of my godparents.

Oh, did you hear that?

He really loves us.

I mean, who else is gonna poof up ice cream for me all the time?

Tough toenails, big "t."

You're the one who wanted to be famous.

Fame has a price.

Besides, if I let you walk,

Where am I going to get a crazy, wacky new star to fill your shoes?

What if I could find someone crazier and wackier to fill my shoes?

Finally, it's done!

My new and improved ultra fairy detector.

With it, I can't help but find fairy godparents!

And make a delicious fruit smoothie.

[Audience laughs]

What's that? Laughter from nowhere?

It's an obvious sign that either invisible people

Have finally come to recognize my unique brand of comic genius

Or, more likely, fairy godparents!

Eek!

All: fairy godparents!

[Cheering]

What did I tell you, simon?

Is crocker a giant hit, or what?

You're a natural, my little executive producer.

"Crocker tv" is the biggest show we've ever had,

And your episode idea

Where he gets eaten by a herd of wildebeest is great.

Wanda, cosmo, no hard feelings.

When he's off the show, can I have his part, please?

Please, please?

What could possibly go wrong?

Lots of things.

Never let your mom be your manager.

You've got an audition.

Try and look cute.

Wait a minute. Mom?

I don't know any of you kids.

Florence: you're in my spot!

Mom: she is so shrill.