04x14 - Truth or Cosmoquences/Beach Bummed!

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ Because in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings!

Floaty, crowny things!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

♪ Obtuse rubber goose ♪

♪ Green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake ♪

♪ Large fries, chocolate shake! ♪

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents!

Vicky: yeah, right.

[Laughter]

Whew! Playing catch with myself sure is thirsty business.

So is salting your tongue, but that never stopped me.

Argh!

[Glug glug glug]

Ahh...

That's an awful lot of lemonade.

Don't worry.

We turners have bladders of steel.

Ahem.

Oh, they always want a tip.

[Squeaking]

[Screech]

Aah!

Wow. Watching owls carry mice away is thirsty work.

Oh, it's an invitation to our high school reunion.

Aah!

Ah, what invitation?

But, cosmo, our time at carl poofy pants fairy high

Was the best years of my life.

Yeah, and the worst years of mine.

There I am. That's me being picked on by the football team.

By luther.

And here's me being picked on by the cheerleaders.

And luther.

And the math club. And luther.

Cosmo, what are you worried about?

A high school reunion is fun.

You get to see all your old classmates

You used to pal around with.

Yeah. Besides, it's not like they expected you to become

A rich billionaire fairy mogul with a beautiful trophy wife.

Ah ha ha! Right. A rich fairy mogul, ah, ah...

Cosmo!

What did you tell them?

Cosmo: hello.

I'm the very rich cosmo,

Inventor of wandos . ,

The operating system of every magical item in fairy world.

And this is my dowdy secretary wanda;

My faithful butler with big teeth

And a cast iron bladder, timmy;

Along with my human trophy wife

Who is clearly not hypnotized,

Britney britney.

I like soy milk.

Uh, where do I sign in?

[Glug glug]

And where do I go to use the bathroom?

I told you to go before we left.

No, you didn't.

You told me there is no way we're dressing up

Like a butler and a secretary

Just to cover for the lies cosmo told people,

Then cosmo started to cry,

And you said, "oh, ok."

And now we're here.

Relax, butler.

We mingle, impress a few people with my false life,

And we're done in minutes tops.

Uh. What? The doors are just painted on?

You don't need doors in a fairy high school.

We poof from room to room.

Doors are for chumps.

Ok. I really have to go to the bathroom,

But I'll be ok as long as I don't think about it.

Well, this could be ok.

Want some punch?

I like puppies.

Great! Go get us some, butler,

And bring my trophy wife a puppy.

Cosmo, is that you?

Cosmo, you old son of a g*n,

You haven't changed a bit

Except for being a billionaire and everything.

Ah, ha. Right. Hi, luther.

Have you met my wife, britney britney,

Who has clearly not been hypnotized

Into thinking that I'm chip skylark

And that this is the dimmsdale music awards?

Right, chip.

And, of course, you remember wanda.

She's now my dowdy, unmarried secretary.

Sure. I remember wanda.

Too bad you didn't marry cosmo, huh?

He's a billionaire, you know?

It says so right here in his magazine: "cosmo."

Too bad you're already taken.

Yeah. Too bad.

I suppose you know why I'm here.

Don't k*ll me. I'm rich!

Can I have a job?

Surely a rich guy like you could use some security.

Ha ha. You bought that? Oh, my gosh.

People really believe I'm super rich and super powerful!

Cosmo...?

You're hired!

Now get rid of my dowdy, personal secretary.

Come on. Move it! Move it!

Gaah!

And where's britney's puppy?

Finally! A bathroom!

Ugh!

I forgot. Doors are for chumps.

Ok, I just won't think about it and I'll be fine.

[Laughing]

[Sploosh]

Uh-oh. I hope we don't stay long.

[Sploosh]

[Whining]

And then I thought, "yeah, you're dowdy,

But what the heck. You're hired!"

Ah.

[Laughing]

Oh, cosmo, why didn't see how handsome

And cool you were in high school?

Why did I beat you up everyday?

Because I wasn't rich?

Ha ha ha. That's right!

Excuse me, cosmo, I wish--

To serve my friends and I more punch?

Uh, yes, please, timothy.

Ha. He thinks the doors are real.

[Laughing]

Oh, I don't know how much longer

I can keep up this charade.

Wanda, I don't mean to sound like you

When you try to ruin my fun,

But we should get out of here now!

Lying is a bad idea, you know?

And holding it in is bad for my kidneys!

And excuse me if I sound as short-sighted as you always do

When I say, "come on!

What else could possibly go wrong?"

And I also invented oxygen,

Which is why every time you inhale,

I get a quarter.

[Gasping]

Pay up.

Man: hello, cosmo.

Juandissimo, what are you doing here?

You perhaps forget the one year I was here

As a handsome exchange student from ferdinando high school

Because I will never forget.

That was the first time my beautiful eyeballs

Saw the fabulous wanda.

The first time my beautiful ears heard her.

And the first time my beautiful colon--

Well, it's more of an inner beauty,

But you get the idea.

And now I and my beautiful body parts

Wish to dance with her.

Hey, buddy, stay away from my wife!

All: wife? Huh?

Pay up!

Cosmo, relax yourself.

I would never try to come

Between you and your wife...

The fantastic pop diva, britney britney.

Pickles!

Ha.

But you cannot possibly care

If I dance with your dowdy, unmarried

Personal secretary, no?

No! He can't!

[Snaps]

[Mexican music playing]

Ah! What am I gonna do?

Juandissimo has wanda!

Quick! Let's go someplace quiet to think!

Like the boy's bathroom!

No! I know what will help me think,

A tall, cool glass of lemonade.

[Glug glug glug]

Followed by a quick trip to the bathroom.

Wait! Take me with you!

Ah. Ah, that's better.

But going to the bathroom is thirsty work.

[Glug glug glug]

No, cosmo. You have to decide right now

What is more important:

Living a lie to impress fair-weather friends

Or your love for wanda,

The woman who's always loved you

For who you really are.

Hmm.

Oh, my gosh. Wanda wrote that!

What do I do? What do I do?

My choice is clear.

There's no doubt what I should do.

Hot tub.

Then again...

Would you like to see my diploma of love?

No way! That is it!

[Roaring]

[Crying]

My beautiful colon!

Wanda!

[Screaming]

I wish...

Cosmo: ahem.

Could I have everybody's attention, please?

Quiet! Cosmo, our hero, the greatest of us all,

Has something to say

That will undoubtedly only make us

Respect and admire him and his money more.

Thanks, luther.

Um, it's a funny story, actually.

You see, I'm not really rich or the inventor of wandos.

Timothy isn't really my butler.

He's my fairy godchild.

And britney britney isn't my wife.

She's just a hypnotized pop diva.

Kumquat.

And wanda, my dowdy, unmarried secretary,

Is the dowdy married woman I love and married.

[Gasping]

Pay up!

I knew it. She did marry an idiot.

Oh, cosmo.

Oh, dowdy.

Oh, my bladder!

I can't take this anymore!

Sorry, britney. We're through.

Does that mean the show is over?

Did I win?

I'd like to thank the academy.

And the academy would like to thank you back.

Mm-wah!

Aww!

Wait, you guys aren't mad?

Mad? Why would we be mad?

You had the guts to say what nobody else here did.

I have a secret, too.

I'm not luther, captain of the football team.

I don't play football anymore.

I'm luther, lord of the dance.

This isn't my real hair.

And I'm not a fairy.

I'm a leprechaun!

And he's not an owl who eats mice.

I eat leprechauns.

[Screech]

Aahh!

You see, cosmo, everybody wants to be liked

For who they really are.

I don't have to lie anymore.

Whoo. What a relief.

Speaking of relief,

Whatever you do, don't drink the punch!

[Giggling]

Now that's what I call a sand castle.

Yes! It is sand-tastic!

Ah! Oh!

Nope. It's what we call our new beach house.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Hey, you kids get off my sand lawn!

I'll beat you like a rented mule!

Gotcha! Now that's what I call a crab-tastic lunch special

For bickles by the bay seafood shanty and spa.

My new dream is finally a reality!

Now let's go see what other impressive things

We can find on this beach.

♪ La la la la la la la

Girl: now, this is what I call impressive!

Timmy, how in the world did you build this?

Oh, you know, with a bucket, a shovel, and--

Fairy godparents.

And a dream!

Whee!

Timmy has really impressed trixie this time.

Ah!

Wow. Nice castle.

Let's give it a big round of applause.

[Clap]

[Poof]

Hey, turner, as this beach's official bully,

It's my job to destroy your sand castle and...

And...?

Let me check my...

. Bathing suite wedgie.

Check.

. Replace tanning oil with cooking oil.

[Sizzling, screaming]

Ha. Check. Here we are.

. Kick sand in wimpy kid's face.

[Thibbt]

[Laughing]

Hello! Aren't you forgetting something?

Ah! No!

! Take the wimpy kid's girl!

Oh, something that hurts him on the inside

Instead of the outside.

Bye, totally wimpy non-muscular timmy!

Too wimpy to break free of wimpy sand!

[Siren wailing]

Hey, lifeguard, a little help here?

Sorry, wimpy kid. I'm not a lifeguard.

I'm with the dimmsdale sea monster emergency response team,

And I know what you're thinking,

That it's a waste of money.

Well, it's not!

But don't worry, wimpy dude.

The lifeguards are on their way.

[Engine starts]

[Siren wailing]

Look, somebody made a sand sculpture of timmy's head!

Let's rip his sand nose off!

[Groaning]

If only I were stronger.

Hey, that's it! I've got a wish

That will get me out of here,

Win trixie back, and give francis

A mouthful of his own medicine.

Sweetie, it's not a good idea

To pick brawn over brains.

Do what I did: pick neither!

I wish I was the strongest guy on the beach!

Cool! I'm not wimpy anymore!

Way to go, guys.

Uh, guys?

[Muffled screams]

Sorry. Guess I don't know my own strength.

Don't sweat it. And I don't think I could jinx us

By saying that your being super strong

Couldn't possibly backfire.

Oh, no! We lost our wands in the sand when we landed.

Timmy, help us find them! Quick!

Right. You guys look over here

And I'll check over there, by francis.

And maybe kick his butt while I'm lucky.

[Laughing]

Having this much fun should be against the law,

Which I always break, so hey, I don't care!

I guess you belong behind bars!

Sand bars!

Oh, my gosh! His newly muscled self

Moves with the power and grace

Of the bengal tiger!

Trixie: hey, what about me?

No! Doesn't anyone read this book?

You won! You're supposed to take me back now.

Right. Sorry.

[Cheering]

Man, it's awesome being the strongest guy on the beach!

Yeah? Well, you're about to be

The strongest guy under the beach.

Hey, the lifeguards won't let you

Drive a bulldozer on the beach.

Man, they're slow... But they look good.

Oh, lifeguard, schmifeguard.

Ha. Who's strongest now, huh?

Man: and now, here to get the news coverage

That will make my latest dream come true,

My spokesperson, mr. Galaxy!

Now, step on the beach

And cut the ceremonial ribbon, mr. Galaxy!

Wuhaw!

Wow. That was weird, but who cares?

You're as strong as mr. Galaxy!

Too strong! Aah!

Oh, my gosh. When that guy stepped on the beach,

I became stronger than him!

Get away from me! You're a monster!

A totally hot monster!

I gotta find cosmo and wanda.

I can't find our wands anywhere!

Guys, problem!

I'm huge, I'm hurting people,

And I'm misunderstood!

Just like the i.r.s.!

But the good news is--

And I hope this doesn't jinx anything--

Unless a whale washes up on shore,

You won't get any bigger.

Come on. We've gotta find those wands

Before something else happens.

Yeah. I don't want to be a crab all the time.

Ah, it's never stopped you before.

Just dig!

I did dig, but all I found

Was this old baseball card, this ancient lamp,

And this guy with a big collar

And a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

Cosmo, now promise me you won't tell anyone

About my secret underground

Rock 'n roll beach kingdom.

You got it, e!

Tcb, man. Tcb.

Cosmo, I found something.

Uh, let me guess: another holy grail?

Yeah! We got 'em!

Hooray! I got 'em!

Rare pink and green king crabs...

For my crab-tastic opening lunch special!

My dream is coming true!

Somebody pinch me!

Ow!

You die first.

Oh, no! Cosmo and wanda

Have because a nutritious part of bickles dream.

I've gotta save 'em!

[Francis laughing]

But first, who's going to save you?

[Beep]

Beached whale!

No one panic.

It is not a seaweed monster.

Darn it. What else...go wrong?

Whoa!

It's a seaweed monster!

Code green. Code green. This is not a drill

And not a waste of money! Honest. It's not.

Hey, buddy, she's with me.

[Coughing]

One crab special coming right up!

Wow. That crab looks pretty mad.

If you think he's steamed now, just wait.

Whoo! Business is booming!

[Screaming]

Sir, do you have a reservation?

[Roaring]

[Roaring]

I'll see if I can squeeze you in.

[Screaming]

Please don't eat me.

I'm too young to be an entree.

Cosmo...me, timmy!

Ha! Why timmy talk funny?

Where wands?

By the beach umbrellas just past those guys.

We are not a waste of money!

Now prove it, and waste him!

[Indistinct]

Son, it's time to defend your home state.

Uh, do you two mind keeping off my sand lawn?

Fire!

You guys!

You are such a waste of money.

Oh, man.

We-- I know.

Pshew! That was close.

Pshew! Pshew!

Well, I'm a wimp again,

And you know what? That's the way I like it.

That's the way I like it, too.

Look, soap!

Aah! Where?!

[Roaring]

Guys, the seaweed monster!

[Screaming]

[Boom]

See, sweetie, brains beats brawn every time.

Little non-muscular boy, do you need help?

Where were you when I needed you

/ Minutes ago?

We're slow... But we look good.

Ok, g*ng. Back to the guard station...

Slowly.

They do look good. I wonder...

I have a new dream!

[Panting]

Go on without me.

[Groaning]