04x04 - Lights...Camera...Adam!/A Bad Case of Diary-Uh!

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ Because in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings!

Floaty, crowny things!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

♪ Obtuse rubber goose ♪

♪ Green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake ♪

♪ Large fries, chocolate shake! ♪

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents!

Vicky: yeah, right.

[Chirping]

Hooray for hollywood!

Everything's so real!

Aah!

Yeah, real fake.

Why'd you poof us here, timmy?

Because this is where they're filming

The big-budget "crimson chin" movie,

Right here at...

Woman: major motion studios,

If we made it, it's a major motion picture.

If we didn't, it's probably a hit.

Behind that wall is where they're filming

The multimillion-dollar "crimson chin" movie,

Starring tv's adam west.

Finally!

None of you are allowed in,

Because you're not important enough.

What? Wait, wait!

That's the whole reason I wanted to come to hollywood!

Uh, what did you expect?

Tv's adam west to show up,

Offer you a part in a movie,

And whisk you away to stardom?

[All laugh]

That's a spectacular idea, movie fan.

All: tv's adam west?

Where?

Hee hee, I love that gag.

Come on, junior movie buff.

There's no time to dawdle.

Even as we sit here,

The producers of the "crimson chin" movie

Are looking for someone to portray cleft,

The boy chin wonder.

That someone could be you, or my name isn't...

All: tv's adam west!

Where? Man, that's always funny.

To the audition.

All right!

I finally have a trophy wife.

Shouldn't you be younger?

And not have heat vision?

Timmy, I'm glad you're here.

You're perfect to play opposite me as cleft,

The boy chin wonder.

And I don't say that to everyone.

Man: minutes, mr. West.

Right! I'm glad you're here.

You're perfect to play opposite me

As cleft, the boy chin wonder.

And I don't say that to everyone.

Wa-hoo!

Well, better get into character.

Now, to the manly makeup trailer.

You got to get one of these.

I have one 'cause I'm a star.

Why are you destroying that script?

Yeah, usually the actor does that on the screen.

I don't need to rehearse.

I've got the part of cleft locked up.

I wish I had my costume.

Cool!

And now, I wish I could go into the book,

Research the part, and become one with my inner cleft.

Let's get mythic.

[Siren wailing]

Ok, that's enough.

Awesome! Now I'm a shoo-in to get the part!

I gotta get one of those.

He has one 'cause he's a star.

[Laughter]

All right, people, let's get these auditions over with.

My daughter's getting her first facial peel,

And I promised her I would be there.

Timmy turner,

Auditioning for the part of cleft.

Take one.

I--director: next! Thank you.

Wow. Tough room.

Aw, don't worry, timmy.

They probably want a more experienced actor.

I brought the donuts.

Brilliant!

That's him! That's my cleft.

What? Those lines weren't even in the script!

Son, I think I know what I'm doing.

If I didn't, would I have cast tv's adam west?

How do you pronounce this word?

Chin.

Thanks. You know, I don't normally

Say this to everyone,

But you'd be perfect for the part of cleft.

Still, you do look a little like cleft.

Perhaps there is something you can do.

Help.

Crimson chin. Help.

Cut! Bring in the stunt cleft.

So, what?

I fly through the air

And land in a big, fluffy air bag,

And emerge completely unharmed?

Air bag? Ha ha. Funny.

And action!

Yaaa!

Timmy: uhh!

Whaaa!

Uhh! Ahh! Ooh!

Director: cut! Great!

Great! If anyone needs me, I'll be at the vet.

My dog is getting his first liposuction,

And I promised him I'd be there.

Ha ha ha!

Easy! That's my new hollywood throat!

Aah![Punching]

Timmy, are you ok?

Are you kidding?

Did you see the dangerous, life-threatening stunts

They let him do despite the fact that he's a minor?

Yeah! That was great!

I can't wait to see what amazing chin-tastic action comes next!

And we're rolling.

Action.

[Alarm bell ringing]

All: uhh!

By my mother's mandible,

I say...dance!

[Classical music playing]

[Bagpipe music playing]

Hey, this goofy dance isn't in the script!

Where's the huge superhero fight?

Where's the heroic rescue?

Out of the movie!

Now, go to wardrobe and get fitted for your sailor suit.

What? The crimson chin

Does not wear a sailor suit.

And neither does tv's adam west,

You rapscallion.

[Cash register bell rings]

But now he does.

I like this rewrite a lot,

And I don't just say that about any script.

To the sailor suit!

And...action!

Holy overbites.

I'm so afraid, I dropped anchor. [Clang]

Uh, that doesn't seem very heroic.

I know. If this keeps up,

The movie will ruin the crimson chin's reputation,

And his comic book will get canceled.

It's almost like the new director is going out of his way

To make the chin, and you, look bad.

"Crimson chin the movie.

A frank knee capra production."

That's no director, that's the chin's archnemesis.

The bronze kneecap.

Where did he come from?

Maybe out of that door to the comic book world

You never bothered to close?

Oops. Oh, yeah. Good point.

Should we poof him back?

No, I have a better idea.

We're going to beat the kneecap at his own game,

But first, I need to schedule

A special guest appearance.

Who you calling "sonny"?

Places, everyone.

Timmy: the only place you're going

Is san quenchin prison, frank knee capra.

Or should I say...

Bronze kneecap!

So.

The real boy chin blunder

Has found the flaw in my plot. Very well.

Let's just skip right to the scene

Where i, the bronze kneecap,

With my big, bronze kneecap,

Put the chin's life on the cutting room floor.

Wait! There's nothing in here

About me dying a horrible real death.

That wasn't in here either,

But it was good. Very good.

I like this rewrite a lot.

And I don't just say that about any script.

Your directing days are over, bronze kneecap.

You'll never work in this town again.

Well, you'll never work in this life again!

[Laughs]

And...action.

Man: did somebody call for rewrite?

Both: it's the real crimson chin!

♪ The crimson chin

But I'm right here. I am the chin.

It's already on my resume.

Villain,

It's time to put your criminal production

In turnaround.

Who said it's hard to get breaks in hollywood?

All: yay!

Britney, I feel the same way about asparagus.

Hey, everybody, it's tv's adam west.

Adam, have you met pop music's britney britney?

Ma'am, you're very pretty,

But my heart belongs to a lady...named justice!

I'll see you in the sequel,

Which always does better than the original

In the opening weekend,

But is never as good as the original!

Cut! Print!

Finally, I got to direct,

In a sailor suit,

And now I'm a race car driver.

Sweet. Dreams really do come true.

Good work, cleft.

Your timely warning got me out here

To make sure I wasn't ruined

In the eyes of the american viewing public.

Right, and thanks to tv's adam west,

We've got all the film we need

To make sure your movie is the action-packed

Summer blockbuster it's destined to be.

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

This is great!

I know!

I can't believe they let dogs in here!

And the crimson chin is finally a big-screen hero,

And he's half of hollywood's hottest power couple.

More popcorn, britney britney?

Thanks, tv's adam west.

Hey, speaking of adam,

Where is he?

Here's your popcorn, mr. West.

You know, you'd be perfect to play

The part of cleft in the sequel.

And I don't say that to everyone.

All: yes, he does.

Curses!

You've got to get one of these,

And I've got to get some of that with salt.

West: where?

Welcome to the clown channel![Honking]

All the icky and uncomfortable feelings of clowns,

Hours a day!

Aah! Make it stop!

[Laughing]

What's your problem, twerp?

I'm scared of clowns.

It's one of my deepest, darkest secrets.

One of them? You have others?

Uh, no. Why?

No reason.

I mean, yes. I'm allergic to oranges,

Feet creep me out, and my goldfish are really--

[Both gasp]

Oh, yeah, whatever.

Both: whew!

Ha! This is going to be great.

[School bell rings]

Vicky knows my deepest, darkest secrets.

I'm not safe anywhere!

Oh, relax, timmy. She can't touch you here.

You're at school, the safest haven in the kid universe.

Yeah. Nothing bad ever happens at school,

Except for learning.

Students: hi, timmy!

Happy orange juggling barefoot clown day!

Aah!

Yaaa!

Uhh! Ahh! Uhh! Ahh! Uhh! Aah! Uhh.

Aah! Uhh.

This stinks.

Vicky's using my secrets

To make my life miserable.

I need to get some dirt on her

So I can do the same thing.

Well, if I had a secret, which I'm not saying I do,

And if I were a girl, which I'm not saying I am,

I'd write it down in a diary.

Which I'm not saying I have.

I wish I had vicky's diary.

But, timmy, a diary is a special place

Where girls, and me,

Can express themselves honestly and openly

Without fear of being judged.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

But cosmo may be right.

A girl's diary is special,

And we have no right to snoop.

"Monday, april .

"Saw twerp with squirrels.

"The green squirrel was cute, but the pink squirrel looked fat."

Fat?

That's it. She's going down.

This is from today.

Winston dunnsworth, all mine."

I wish vicky's diary was back where it belongs.

Ha ha! Now I can totally use vicky's innermost secrets

To make her life miserable.

I wish I had a flashlight.

[Laughs]

'Ello, ello. What? Spoonful of sugar and all that?

[Slurp]

All: he's so foreign! Ooh!

That's winston dunnsworth? That geek?

What makes him so special?

Oh, who cares? Look.

There's vicky.

Let's see how much dunnsworth wants to be around her

When her fancy new perfume

Makes her smell like a skunk!

Really. Skunk perfume.

Because I thought we might want to go

With something in the bazooka family.

No, no. Skunk is good.

Aww.

[Honk]

[Coughing]

Both: aah!

[Sniffing]

I say, what is that delightfully delectable scent?

Why, it's you. You smell like skunk.

We brits adore the smell of skunk.

It reminds us of the hunt.

[Coughing]

Really?

Indubitably.

[Inhales]

Ah, he's so foreign!

Aah!

Timmy: there's got to be some other way

To mess with vicky.

I wish I had vicky's diary back.

"t*rture the twerp, t*rture the twerp, t*rture the twerp."

Aha! "Dear diary.

"The perfume did the trick..."

Where are all the deep, dark secrets?

Ah, who cares? Let's just ruin her day.

Works for me. Come on.

Mmm, this fish and chips lipstick

Is bound to get dunnsworth to fall in love with me.

There she is.

That pink squirrel weight-noticing shrew!

And there's the makeup artist.

Before...

After!

Men: hello!

Oh, no! We can't let that happen!

Great! How do you want to stop it?

Oh, I was thinking something in the

Wolverine-eating- your-face family.

No, let's just go with messing up her makeup.

Aww.

I wish the makeup artist

Was a monster movie makeup artist.

And lo, it is done.

Nooo! [Howling]

Yes!

And look who's coming in, right on cue.

Curiouser and curiouser.

According to this mysterious note I received,

I was supposed to meet that skunk-smelling girl right here.

No, dunnsworth. Don't look at me!

Are you daft, woman?

We brits positively adore werewolves.

They remind us of the hunt.

Woof--i mean, really?

Oh, yes, really.

But we're frightfully shallow.

If only you were a cheerleader, I'd make you mine.

Oh, well, tallyho.

[Whinnies]

A cheerleader, huh?

A cheerleader, huh?

Uh, wanda?

Timmy's evil smile is creeping me out.

Maybe this is a bad idea.

Fat squirrel.

Revenge!

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

The batteries are dead already?

Wow, we're really being evil today.

Man: welcome to the last round of

The cheerleading tryouts.

What's the deal? What's the scoop?

Our team rocks, yours plays like--

[All gasp]

There's dunnsworth and vicky.

I dare say, you've got the gear,

But to be my lady, you must cheer the cheer.

I'll bet I can wish her up a cheer

That dunnsworth will never forget.

You know, maybe it's because

I understand the special bond

Between a girl, or me, and her diary,

But don't you think you guys might be going too far?

[Growls]

Aah! It reminds me of the hunt!

I'm scared of the hunt!

What's the wish, timmy?

Revenge. Not only am I going to reveal

Her deepest, darkest secrets,

I'm going to make her be the one that reveals them.

I wish vicky shared her deepest, darkest secrets,

Like the ones on page .

Aw, really?

Because I was thinking something more in

The thug family.

No, no. Let's go with the cheers.

Aww. Sorry, guys.

You're not getting your deposit back.

Please welcome our last bubbly contestant,

Vicky.

[Cheering]

Fee, fie, fo, fum.

Who's the girl that sucks her thumb?

I am! I am!

[Gasp]

[All gasp]

Gasp!

Uh, what's happening?

[Both laugh]

And page .

, , , . I shoplift from every store.

Aah! Make it stop!

Pages through ?

Make it so.

I lie a lot,

I cheat in school,

I'm scared of cows,

Love being cruel.

I pick my nose when no one looks.

I wipe it on your history books!

All: ugh!

I'm quite fine with lying and cheating,

But we brits love cows,

And hate boogies in our history books.

I love cows and doing cheers.

I've blown my nose the past years!

Ooh, brilliant!

It reminds me of the hunt.

Here, try this skunk cologne.

Nooo! Dunnsworth! Come back!

[Sobbing]

[Both laughing]

I hope you're happy, diary hater.

Happy? I've never been happier!

Dad: hey, short stuff.

We were going to have vicky baby-sit,

But she's too miserable to work today.

So, we hired a back-up baby-sitter.

Give us the boy.

Both: bye, timmy!

Cosmo, I've suddenly decided you were right.

It was wrong to invade vicky's privacy.

There's got to be a way to fix this.

Grr!

I've got it!

Let's invade dunnsworth's privacy!

Yeah, maybe we can use one of his secrets

To get him and vicky back together.

There's got to be something in here we could use.

"Dear diary, I know this is frightfully preposterous,...

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Pink!

It's pink!

It's a mixture of white and red!

It's so feminine! It reminds me nothing of the hunt.

[Sobbing]

Vicky! Dunnsworth's being att*cked

By the fat pink squirrel you don't like!

Hey, how'd you know I didn't like that pink squirrel?

Uh, uh, internet?

I read it in your diary.

Don't you want to save dunnsworth

From the wrath of the cute pink squirrel you think is overweight?

I say, vicky, I've never seen anyone use a child

To beat a fat pink squirrel like that before.

Thanks, dunnsworth.

So we're going steady now, right?

Oh, heavens, no.

You're still not a cheerleader.

Can't have that, can we?

Ta-ta. Scones, benny hill, big ben,

Yellow teeth, and all that.

Nooo!

Dear diary, today, timmy learned

A little lesson in privacy.

Next lesson for wanda, diet and exercise.

Gentlemen, time for the hunt.

[Whinnies][plays trumpet]

Aah! Dear diary, I'm scared of the hunt.

Dunnsworth: oh, well. Tallyho.

Vicky: frederator!