03x01 - Ruled Out/That's Life!

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

Beat it, twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality, they are his ♪

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

Wands and wings!

Floaty, crowny things!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

Obtuse, rubber goose,

Green moose, guava juice!

Giant snake, birthday cake,

Large fries, chocolate shake!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are a kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

Yeah, right.

Super soccer player timmy turner sh**t...

And scores!

Timmy, how many times do I have to tell you?

No kicking against the door!

Aw, why not?

Because we care about your safety.

How could this possibly be dangerous?

Timmy, listen to your mo--

Oh!

[Gulp]

Uh, can I be excused?

Not until you finish all your spinach.

Aw, come on. All of it?

Dad: you know, timmy, ordinarily, I'd side with you on this,

But my brain's a little scrambled from a random soccer accident!

Now, eat.

Everybody wants a healthy colon.

What are we watching, sport?

the legend of the dimmsdale sewer gator.

It's violent andeducational,

But mostly violent.

Yay, v*olence!

Good evening, dimmsdale. I'm chet ubetcha.

What has teeth and eats anything that moves?

Well, it lives in our sewers,

And we have footage of it!

Here it comes--the coolest, most violent footage ever!

Cool!

Grrrr!

[Alarm]

It's ok to feel sad sometimes.

Aah! Where'd the v*olence go?!

Darnedest thing, son.

That random soccer accident jogged my memory

And reminded me to set the child blocks on the tv

To prevent you from watching any violent programming.

Oof! Oof!

Butthe dimmsdale sewer gator is all my friends

Will be talking about tomorrow at school!

Well, now you can talk about your feelings.

Right, dear?

Who are you?

Timmy, it's just because...

You care.

And then the gator ripped through those steel bars

With one of its razor-sharp teeth.

How about when he used his tail to crush that truck?

How cool was that?!

Yeah, but how does that make you feel?

Child blocks?

Child blocks.

[Laughter]

Man, this stinks!

Everybody's laughing at me

Because my parents care too much!

"Brush your teeth, turn out the lights,

Bathe!"

Mmm mmmm mmm!

That's right, cosmo.

Well, timmy, it just means they love you.

Well, they're suffocating me!

I don't want parents who care too much.

I wish I had parents

Who could care less!

Timmy, are you hungry?

A growing boy deserves something special,

So I made...

Ahh! Broccoli? Squash? Spinach?

Oh, I couldn't care less

About foods that are good for you

oryour colon.

Tonight we're having candy!

And for dessert, candy!

Dad: timmy, come in here!

Aw, jeez.

I bought a super screen surround-sound television set,

Equipped with every channel known to man...

And several known to monkeys.

Awesome!

That must have cost a lot!

Ooh, you bet. I had saved that money to pay for your college education,

But now I couldn't care less!

How about a little dimmsdale sewer gator?

[Beep]

Grrrr!

It's violent.

It's educational.

Both: but mostly violent!

Yay, v*olence!

Ha ha ha!

[Bell rings]

What's for lunch?

Spinach.

My parents want me to have a healthy colon.

That's weird...

Because my lunch is...

Candy and v*olence!

Grrrr!

Whoa! Whoa!

Hi, dad. Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work...

Or wearing pants?

Pants are for squares.

And I'm on vacation.

I wish I could be on vacation,

But I have math homework.

Ha! Studying's for squares,

Like pants.

Let's play frisbee instead.

But I don't have a frisbee.

We'll use your useless math book.

Whee!

[Loud dance music playing]

Mom, what are you doing?

Not cooking and not cleaning.

Catch me!

Not catching!

Whoa! Look out for the stairs!

[Loud crashing]

[Mom and dad laughing]

This is the best wish I've ever made.

You've made my parents totally carefree.

Dude, you reek.

Uh, stomach hurts... Feel sick...

But look! I got candy!

And b.o.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[Tires screech]

[Sniff sniff]

[Loud dance music playing]

Mom: catch me!

Dad: not caring!

I can't concentrate.

I'm going to fail my math test tomorrow for sure.

Oh, who cares?

What's math ever done for you?

Are you guys feeling ok?

You're letting your fish bowl get awfully filthy.

You bet!

I'm swimming in my own toilet...

[Breaks wind]

And I like it!

Dad, the power's off!

Dad: electric bills are for squares,

Like pants!

The lights still don't work. I wish I had a candle.

Hello?

Cosmo: I'm sorry. Did you mean us?

Alitcandle.

Wanda: oh, waah!

Do you ever stop nagging?

[Screeching]

Mom! Dad! Where are you?

Hey, dad's rotten teeth.

He's got to be close.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Hi, timmy! Hi, timmy!

What's the matter with you guys?

You look gross. And this place is a pigsty.

Hygiene is for squares.

Oh, well, there goes the last one.

[Quietly] I got to unwish this wish.

What was that?

Uh, I said I'm hungry

And need to feed my fish.

Hmm. I'm hungry, too.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Goldfish! Goldfish!

They're good for your colon!

I don't care!

What are you guys doing?

Those are my fish!

You can't eat them! They're, uh, dirty!

Hey! Hey!

And chatty!

All right, all right. Yeesh!

[Toilet flushes]

Aah!

Whee! Whee!

Guys! Guys! Change back to normal!

Poof to fairyworld! Do something!

No way, man! I'm swimming in arealtoilet,

And I like it!

Both: yay, toilets!

Oh, my gosh!

When I wished for parents that couldn't care less,

It gave me godparents that couldn't care less, too!

You flushed my goldfish?!

Well, they're going to the sewer now.

Both: not thatwecare.

But that's where the sewer gator's supposed to live!

Oh, waah! Do you ever stop nagging?

Aaaah!

[Neighs]

Whoa!

Timmy! Timmy!

[Horns honking]

Be careful!

Oh.nowthey care?

Hey! Now they care!

Because they love me! Right!

Their concern for me is canceling out the magic!

I got to make them care more!

Get down from there!

No!

They're going to k*ll me for not listening,

But it's the only way to get them back to normal.

Darn it, timmy, you mind your parents!

Make me!

It's working!

Now to save cosmo and wanda.

Thanks for having such a big squishy belly.

Say, "excuse me,"

When you jump out of a sumo wrestler's stomach.

No!

Awesome!

Dad: oh, he's getting away.

But we certainly shouldn't try to imitate

His terribly dangerous stunt.

We can use this.

My braided underarm-hair rope.

Aah!

Whee! Whee!

Cosmo! Wanda! Where are you?

Guys, in here!

Jump in here! Why?

Grrrr!

That's why!

I wish I cared more that our lives are in danger.

Aah!

Yawn.

Cosmo! Wanda! Help!

Oh, no, cosmo! He's going after timmy!

So?

Oh, no! He's going after timmy,

Which I just remembered is bad!

Now I care!

Me, too!

Aah!

Grrrr!

Aaah!

Thanks, guys.

But, uh, we didn't do that.

Not that we don't care.

Honey! You're safe!

And you reek!

And when I'm done beating up this gator,

You are in so much trouble!

Cool!

Don't worry, sport.

Only more weeks of ultra, super, heavy-duty grounding.

If being strict means your parents love you,

Then these heavy iron chains

And uncomfortably small cage

Must mean they love me a lot.

Time for a healthy colon.

And some nice tv.

It's ok to feel sad.

Tell me about it.

This episode was brought to you

By the society for healthy colons.

Both: yay, colons!

[Gulp]

Oh, man! This is the greatest pizza

I've ever had in my whole life!

Hey, how about throwing

Some of that ourway, sport?

Yeah. I'm hungry.

Uh, but this is the last...

Really huge... Almost circular piece.

Mom: honestly, timmy,

That's no way to take care of your pets.

Just look at them.

No wonder all your pets di...

I--i mean, ran away while you were at summer camp.

Pets need loving and nurturing to grow big and strong...

Aah! Aah!

Just like my soon-to-be- award-winning garden.

[Crying loudly]

Everything I touch dies!

Honey, why are you sobbing uncontrollably

On this lifeless patch of dirt and death?

Because tomorrow is the big dimmsdale veg out,

And I wanted my garden

To win first prize this year.

Timmy: it's ok, mom.

It's just a silly gardening contest.

So what if the dinklebergs win again this year?

Ah! The dinklebergs are in the contest?

My hated archenemies from over the fence?

Look at those animals,

Wallowing in their perfection.

Their total superiority

Will be their downfall!

You can beat them, honey.

It's important to me.

I mean, you.

Besides, you're a natural gardener.

These cherry tomatoes look scrumptious.

They're watermelons!

Neat!

Ah, so what if mom loses to the dinklebergs?

They're kind of nice.

Well, if you love them so much,

Why don't you just go live there?

Well, they do have a pool...

And a not-dead garden.

Just leave us.

You've said enough!

[Both crying loudly]

[Crying continues]

Wow. Hours and counting.

I didn't mean to hurt their feelings that bad.

Wow. Your mom sure seems upset.

No kidding. I wish I could make her stop crying.

Well, timmy, it sure would help

If we knew what she was crying about.

Mom: I'm so upset that I can't bring anything to life

In my garden!

Well, that was helpfully specific.

I wish that everything in mom's garden was full of life.

Honey! Look!

Our miracle tears of sorrow

Have brought my garden to life!

Aw, that was a nice thing you did, timmy.

Yeah. My mom's garden looks incredible.

But that's me. I'm a giver.

Give, give, give-- that's all I do.

Good night!

[Snoring]

[Floorboard creaks]

Eddie! My long-lost gerbil

Who my mom said ran away while I was at summer camp!

You're back!

It's a dream come true!

Somebody pinch me!

Ack! Ack!

Too...much... Pinching.

Aarrgghh!

Timmy never letsushug his windpipe like that.

Eddie, where have you been all this time?

[Chattering]

You look like you haven't eaten, bathed, been in sunlight,

Or gotten clumps of dirt out of your hair since you ran away.

I'm going to be a much better pet owner this time.

I'm not just going to leave him

Like I did when I went to summer camp.

Yep. No more random, meaningless distractions for me.

A.j.: Hey, timmy!

Want to leave your house

And watch me go get my braces tightened?

Do I ever!

You know, once you get past the exposed brain and rotting flesh,

Heiskind of cuddly.

[Roaring]

Dinkleberg's pool?

Right.

Guys, I'm home!

Hi, cosmo! Hi, wanda!

[Growling]

Man, you should have seen chester's mouth.

It's totally--

[Roaring]

Tight.

Aww! He missed you.

Wow. He must be still angry about the whole summer camp thing.

Well, I'm not going to let eddie down again.

In fact, I wish I could shrink down to eddie's size

And give him a big hug.

Aarrgghh!

Eddie!

Who wants a big hug?

Too...much... Hugging.

I don't understand! Why is he so angry at me?

Maybe he thinks you buried him

In that shoebox that says:

"Here lies eddie the dead gerbil."

Ow! The dead gerbil?

Ow! But mom told me he ran away!

Well, he was buried in mom's dead garden,

And you filled everything with life.

How the heck did he die?

Aarrgghh!

Wait. Dad was supposed to take care of him for me

When I was at summer camp.

[Echoing] camp...camp...camp...

Dad: hmm. Let's see. What was I supposed to do

While timmy was away at summer camp?

[Echoing] camp...camp...

All righty. Put up drapes to cancel out the echo. Ok.

Loathe the dinklebergs. Did it.

Feed the gerbil.

I mean,burythe gerbil that was supposed to be fed

While timmy was at summer camp.

[Echoing] camp...camp...

Dad...

Hey, where are you going?

I don't know. Maybe there's a clue

In that line of food pellets that reads: "get dad."

Oh, no!

Dad: honey, the veg out judges are here!

Aarrgghh!

Oh, my gosh! Cosmo! Wanda!

Don't let eddie's totally justified rage

Ruin my mom's chance of winning the veg out!

You got it, champ.

Honey, where are you?

The judges are judging,

And the dinklebergs are dinkleberging.

On my way.

Whoa! Oh!

Oh! Aah!

Alley-oop!

A big flip!

Cool! I stuck my dismount!

I've got to get out of here. Dad's in trouble.

But how? How?

Oh, wait. I have thumbs.

Thank you, evolution.

And this is my casaba.

Would it affect your decision at all

If I told you the dinklebergs

Steal candy from children?

It's true!

And now I'll get my clearly doctored photos.

Eddie, no!

Dad, run!

Eddie's back from the dead, and he wants to k*ll you!

k*ll me? Why would he want to k*ll me?

Yourmom'sthe one that forgot to feed him

When you went to summer camp.

[Echoing] camp...camp...

Mom...

Unh! Oh, great!

He heard dad pass the buck. Now he's after mom.

Try my hybrid zucchini corn.

Aarrgghh!

Ah!

[Growling]

Well, I think we know who the winner is.

But just as a formality, we'll need to see your yams.

My yams. I should show them my yams.

Now, where did I put my yams?

Ah, here they are.

Well, what they don't know won't hurt them...

Or help the dinklebergs.

Dad: honey, honey, where are you?

I'm uncanning...

Uh, i--i mean, uh...

It's, uh,uncanny how great my yams will be.

Eddie, please! People make mistakes!

It's not my dad's fault you're gone!

Well, it's mostly his fault,

But it's mine, too! I was your owner!

I should have taken better care of you!

I'm sorry!

I can't hang on anymore!

Cosmo, get my mom to safety!

You got it!

I love this job.

Perfect!

Isn't it cheating that your mom's using canned yams?

Hey,somebodygrew them.

Unh! Unh!

Eddie, you saved me!

Oh, he loves you again.

[Laughing]

I can fix that.

First prize goes to...

Mrs. Turner!

I can't believe it!

First prize!

I did it! I beat the dinklebergs!

I mean,youbeat the dinklebergs,

Which is like me beating the dinklebergs

In a woman's body!

And in addition to the ribbon,

First prize includes this rare, priceless jupiter tulip.

Everything I touch dies!

Oh, dinkleberg!

Aren't you going to come over

And give my wife a congratulatory hand-touch?

Aw, you and eddie are friends again.

Oh, great. One more mouth to not feed.

Don't worry about it, cosmo.

I figured out that if I'm going to have a pet,

I have to take care of it.

But I wonder what happened

To my kitty, my bunny, my ferret,

My ocelot, my puppy, and my parrot

Mom and dad also said ran away

While I was at summer camp.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

I got to stop going to summer camp.

[Echoing] camp...camp...camp...