01x06 - Truman's Secret / Skits Monkeys Around

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks
and speaks... *

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there!

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two!

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks

* And speaks and speaks
and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

(techno music playing)

Oh, hi. Welcome to the show.

Don't we look fabulosos?

(barks)

Today's show is full of words

about the way people
look and act.

There are words like
"appearance," "vain,"

"identical"
and "self-conscious."

(yips)

And there are words
about growing up--

words like "phase," "mature"
and "outgrow."

Okay! That's enough.

(laughing)

(annoyed):
Ugh! Enjoy the show.

TD:
On your marks, get set, dig!

(barks)

CAROLINA:
What on earth
are you doing?

We're trying to get
to the middle of it.

(barks)

Yeah, we want to know

what's at the center
of the earth.

(barks)

Skits, it's not
a giant egg yolk.

That doesn't
make sense.

It's probably
cheese.

Um, everyone knows
the earth is filled
with molten lava.

Yeah. It's got to be
filled with... hey!

No digging
in the yard!

How else can we find out?

(barks)

I'm telling you,
it's lava.

But if you don't believe
me, just ask Truman.

Hey, has anyone
seen Truman?

I haven't
seen him.

I thought I saw
him earlier,

but it was just his eye.

Hey, Truman.

That's funny,

I think I saw him, too,
but it was only his hand.

Hi, Truman.

Hmm.

Oh, no!

Do you think somebody broke
Truman into little pieces?

Or maybe he doesn't want
to be friends with us anymore.

Don't be
ridiculous.

Everybody wants to be friends
with me.

But how do we find Truman

if he only shows up one piece
at a time?

Well, it won't be easy.

But with hard work, Martha's
keen sense of smell

and my knowledge
of mystery comic books,

we can track him down.

Or we could just go
to his house and ask.

Or that.

(all talking at same time)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

(baby coos)

You too, mister.

We're looking
for Truman.

Is he around?

Yes.

Maybe you can convince him
to come out of the garage.

Jumpin' jerky!

Now it's just his feet.

Truman did get broken
into little pieces.

TRUMAN:
I'm still in one piece, Martha.

But now is not a good time.

Come back in three months.

Three months?

That's almost two dog years.

Why so long?

I'd love to explain,

but the truth is too horrible
for you to hear.

Awesome.

Come on, Truman,
what's going on?

ALL:
Come on,
please tell us.

I'm sorry,
but I can't.

Fine,
whatever.

Let's go.

(whiny):
Mom!

Your friends are here.

Why don't I just turn on the...

No! Whatever you do,
do not turn on the light!

(sighs):
All right.

Good luck.

Truman,

what's going on?

Wait, don't come any closer.

How come?

Because I'm mortified.

Mortified? Ew, gross.

Is that contagious?

No, mortified
means I'm embarrassed.

You sure?
Mortified sounds way grosser

than just being embarrassed.

Like you're a mummy
or made of stone or something.

No, mortified means
really, really embarrassed.

Like what happened
to me last year

when we were
playing soccer...

And I scored that goal,
only I was going the wrong
way.

I scored a point
for the other team.

Talk about mortifying.

Okay, so you're
saying mortified
just means embarrassed.

So you're not
turning into stone?

No, it's worse than that.

Really? What is it?

I told you, I can't say.

Well, I'm coming over
there right now

unless you stop being weird
and start dishing the dirt.

All right, all right,
I'll tell you.

But on one condition:

You're not allowed to faint,
no matter how gruesome it gets.

Agreed?

ALL:
Okay, sure.

Bring it on.

All right.

It started yesterday.

If I only knew what was going
to happen,

I never would have
gotten involved

in this ghastly business.

(knock on door)

Come in.

Okay, son, it's time to go.

(thunderclap)

Lightning?

Truman, it hasn't
rained all week.

I was trying to be dramatic.

And stop interrupting.

I'm trying to tell my story.

Okay. What happened?

It's too
horrible.

Wait, I think I know
what happened!

Your dad was driving you, right?

It won't be long now.

(scary music blares)

(scary music stops,
breezy music starts)

Ah, that's better.

Hope you're
ready for pizza.

CAROLINA:
And then...

a bat flew into the car!

(both yell)

Oh well, no harm done,
right, Truman?

(Transylvanian accent):
Correct, Father.

Could that really happen?

Of course not.

There's no such
thing as vampires.

There's no such
thing as talking
dogs, but...

Trust me, being a vampire
wouldn't be as bad

as what happened to me.

You get to wear nice clothes
and turn into a bat.

Truman, bats eat bugs.

Ugh.

Okay, I think I'm going to be
sick now.

So what really happened?

Hey, I know what happened!

I saw it in this old movie.

There was this mysterious
green cloud,

and when you came out
the other side

you noticed something
was weird.

Have my clothes gotten bigger?

TD:
And before you knew it,

you were shrunk!

(high voice):
Thanks, Mom!

Whoa!

Can you get this off me, please?

Does he look
shrunken to you, TD?

Maybe only his head got shrunk.

Shranked.

Shrunken.

No, it's far
worse than that.

So what happened?

All right, I'll tell you.

(gasps)

All right, Truman,

how do you want it?

¿Qué pasó?
Then what?

And then the barber cut my hair.

And...

And what?

And when are you going to get
to the gruesome part?

That was the gruesome part.

ALL:
Huh?

There you are, young man.

All done.

TRUMAN:
Nothing could have prepared me
for what I was about to see.

The barber gave me the most
horrible, mortifying haircut

of my entire life.

You're mortified
about a haircut?

Of course.

The barber ruined my appearance.

He ruined your parents?

Not my parents, my appearance.

That means the way I look.

And I look horrible
with this haircut.

Come on, Truman, how horrible
could this haircut be?

Yeah, what's
wrong with it?

Everything.

I look like there's some strange
animal living on my head.

Cool!

BOTH:
Shhh!

It's lopsided,

it's lumpy, it's flat.

And tomorrow's
school picture day.

I can't have my photo taken
when I look like this.

So I'm leaving
for the South Pole.

Well, you have
to let us see you
before you go.

Oh, well.

Okay.

See?

Now go. Good-bye!

Come on, Truman,
we listened to your story.

At least let us see
what you look like.

Yeah.

(sighs)

All right, but don't say
I didn't warn you.

(gasps)

Truman!

You've been standing in the
shadows and wearing a hat?

You can't be too careful.

So long, everyone.

Hang on.

Not so fast.

I want to see
just how bad
this haircut is.

Maybe you're being
too self-conscious.

I'm not being
self-conscious.

Yes, you are.

Being self-conscious
means you worry too much

about the way you look.

Yeah, Truman.

Maybe you think it's bad
'cause you notice

a lot of little flaws
that nobody else would.

You think so?

ALL:
Yeah, of course, sure.

Well, all right.

(everyone gasps)

Uh...

It's not that
horrible, is it?

I think it
looks cool.

Like a monster.

(growls)

TD!

Okay, okay, I get the picture.

I think we hurt
his feelings.

Hmm, let me
handle this.

Sorry, Bunny.

Antarctica might be too cold
for you.

(knock on door)

Truman, you can't
be so self-conscious
about your appearance.

Why not?
You are.

Yeah, well, but I have
a lot more to worry about.

I mean people expect
me to look perfecta.

Still, I have flaws.

I know that's probably
hard for you to believe.

Well...

Because flaws are things

that aren't quite right.

And I have a big flaw.

Your personality?

No.

The way you're
kind of bossy and...

No.

And how you yell
when you...

(yelling):
I don't yell!

I mean, I'm talking
about a real flaw.

Oh.

I'm going to show you something,
but you have to promise

you'll never, never, never
tell anybody about it, okay?

What is it?

You promise
not to tell?

I promise.

Okay, you better not.

(sighs)

There.

What?

There, there, my elbows.

See?

I don't really...

One elbow is pointier
than the other. See?

Oh yeah.

CAROLINA:
Okay, that's enough.

So you see,
nobody's perfect.

Even I have a flaw.

Maybe you're right.

Of course I'm right.

It would be boring if
everyone was picture perfect.

Besides, no matter how
much people laugh at you

and make fun of you, you'll
get a new photo taken next year.

Maybe you're right.

You don't have to be
so self-conscious
about your flaws.

Thanks.

Don't mention it.

But you better not tell
anyone about my elbows.

Okay, I guess I'm ready
for my photo.

(flashbulb pops)

GIRL (gasps):
Is that Dad?

TRUMAN:
That's right.

That photo was taken
when I was your age.

But your hair, it's so
cool and modern looking!

Yes, well, when I was your age,
I said to myself:

Truman, it doesn't matter what
other people think;

this is a haircut
to be proud of.

This is the haircut
of the future.

You just have to believe
in yourself, I always say.

Vain.

Vain means...

Why don't you come closer

so everyone can see
how awesome my hair is?

That's better.

Now, vain means...

Hang on un segundo.

I have such great eyebrows.

It would be a shame if everyone
couldn't see them.

Hey, look, it's me!

Isn't that a great picture?

I look fabulosa.

Okay, what's the word again?

(whispers):
Vain.

Oh, right, vain.

Someone who's vain is way, way,
way too in love with themselves.

Cut. Perfect.

I'm glad that's over.

I really don't like people
who are vain.

Oh, brother.

TELEVISION SINGER:
* He's forging a path
and he's making his way *

* He's gonna get
to the top someday *

* He's goofy, he's funny,
he's goony and blue *

* Who doesn't love Malcolm?

* Who, who, who?

I'll tell you who:
me, me, me.

That's who doesn't
love Malcolm.

How about a sniff
around the block?

(woofs)

Why not?

(woofs)

An all-day Malcolm-a-thon?

Trust me, if we go out,
you won't miss a thing.

Malcolm shows are all the same:
babyish and bad.

DAD:
Give it up,
Martha.

He's hooked.

He won't even let me change
the channel to watch the news.

I'll show you.

Guess I'll have to wait till
the Malcolm-a-thon is over

to find out what's happening
in the world.

(sighs):
Well, I'm going out.

See you later, Skits.

TELEVISION SINGER:
* Who doesn't love Malcolm?
Who, who, who? *

Skits, breakfast!

Skits, come eat
before Martha gets it!

Really?

I get to eat Skits' food?

No.

Aw.

Hey Skits, your...

breakfast?

That's weird.

You're kidding.

(woofs)

Oh, brother.

(sighs)

All right.

(laughs)

He wants to be called Malcolm?

I think watching all those shows
yesterday warped his brain.

Well, if it'll
get him to eat...

Malcolm!
Breakfast
is ready!

(barks)

Eh.

HELEN:
Martha! Let's go!

(muffled):
Coming! Just need to hide
the valuables.

(gasps)

Whoa! What happened
to your neck?

It's a bowtie.

Skits...

(bark that sounds like
he's saying "Malcolm")

I mean, Malcolm found
it in Dad's closet.

(woofs inquisitively)

What do I think?

I think you look...

Ahem.

Adorable.

Don't change a thing.

(grumbles under her breath)

HELEN:
Come on, Martha,
let's go.

(mumbles happily)

Ooh, prickly.

(howling and barking)

Is it time
to go home now?

You want
to go home?

No, I want you
to take Skits home.

(sighs)

MARTHA:
I am never going out with him
dressed like that again!

Come on, Martha,
he's cute.

Besides, he likes
imitating Malcolm.

Imitating?

Does imitate mean
you copy the way

someone dresses
and acts and talks?

Uh-huh.

Great.

Soon Skits'll be jib-jabbering
in monkey talk.

Why does this bug you so much?

It's babyish.

Malcolm is a baby show.

Skits is acting like a big baby.

Well, Skits is younger
than you, right?

So I guess it's okay for him
to be babyish if he wants to be.

I guess.

It could be worse.

I mean, it's just a bowtie.

It's not like

he's dyed himself
blue or anything.

Actually...

Feh!

Skits?

(barks)

HELEN:
No!

It's my fault.

I must have left the lid
off the paint can.

(whimpers)

I know, you want to be blue,
but it's just too messy.

This is
going too far.

First it's
a bowtie,

and then painting
himself blue.

Skits won't imitate
Malcolm forever.

It's just a phase
he's going through.

A phase?

Mm-hmm.

A phase means something

that will only last
for a little while.

Like when I was younger,
I went through a phase

where I didn't want any
of my food to touch.

And you went through
an immature phase

where you chewed
toilet paper.

That wasn't immature.

I was protecting you.

Protecting me?

The toilet paper sounded
like it was growling

when you pulled it
off the roll.

I thought it
might bite you.

(laughing):
Oh, Martha!

Don't you worry
about Skits.

He'll be fine.

You know, people go through
phases like this all the time.

Really? Like who?

Well, like TD.

He imitated a dog
for a whole year,

and now look at him.

This is not making
me feel better.

Five, four, three, two...

Sorry about that.

I'm stretching
my spine.

Really?

Yeah.

I've already grown,
like, a foot.

Can't you tell?

You look
the same.

Rats.

I was sure it was working.
What's up?

Helen says you imitated a dog
when you were younger.

Oh, yeah!

We couldn't have a dog
because my dad's allergic,

so I decided
I'd be a dog.

I copied everything
dogs did.

I walked on all fours.

(pants)

I ate from a dog bowl.

(pants)

I licked food off the table.

I guess some people
thought I was pretty weird,

but my parents were cool.

They said they knew it
was just a phase.

Oh, and I had the
coolest dog name.

Get a load of this:
"Barker Lewis."

Huh. So how did you stop?

Copying dogs, I mean.

I guess I just outgrew it.

You mean your neck got too big
for the dog collar?

No. I mean, yes, outgrow
can mean getting too big

for your clothes.

But I meant outgrow, like when
you feel like you're too old

to do something.

Like Helen outgrew
having tea parties

with her stuffed animals.

Is there a way to make Skits
outgrow his Malcolm phase?

I don't think so.

It just kind of happens.

There must be
something I could do.

Well, you could ask Carolina.

She went through a phase
when she was younger, too.

She did?

Yeah, she was...

¡Una princesa!

A princess.

I ran around in a tiara

and issued royal
commands to everyone.

Then I outgrew it.

Dad, make me a grilled
cheese sandwich!

I thought you outgrew
being a princess.

No, just the tiara.

(clears her throat)

See? Too small.

You want it?

Uh, no, thanks.

Suit yourself.

What if Skits is
like Carolina?

She never
changed back.

She's as bossy
as ever.

Don't worry.

In Skits' case,
I'm sure it's temporary.

Uh...

Temporary means
it won't last forever.

It will only last
for a little while.

Are you sure?

Positive.

In fact, I did the same thing
when I was younger.

Dyed yourself blue
and dressed like a monkey?

No. Please.

Green.

(gasps)

The Green Gas Lamp!

He was my favorite superhero.

I went all out-- green gloves,
green cap, green goggles.

But it was temporary.

Before long, I outgrew it.

But how?

Well, Mom and I were getting
married and....

(gasps)

(laughs)

I'm kidding.

You can't make someone
outgrow things.

It just takes time.

Skits, you're a dog,
not a monkey.

(barks)

Yeah, well, don't come
crying to me

when you break your
little monkey...

RONALD:
Hey, talking dog,

what's with the
skateboarding dog?

He's imitating Malcolm.

Malcolm?
Like on that monkey show?

That's pretty babyish.

It's just a phase.

(howls in pain)

You know, only temporary.

You hope.

What do you mean?

Well, let me tell you.

I had this
friend, Akis.

Same thing
happened to him.

He had this
Hunny Bunny phase.

Remember that show?

Cute, little yellow bunny?

Well, Akis wanted
to be Hunny Bunny

more than anything
in the world.

At first, he copied Hunny Bunny
in little ways.

Like he'd only eat carrots.

Then he started hopping
everywhere.

He tried to look like a bunny.

He even made his mom
dig a hole in the yard

for him to sleep in.

So what happened?

RONALD:
One day, he got tired
of being Hunny Bunny.

But when he tried to put his
lip back down, he couldn't.

It was stuck.

He tried to stop hopping,
but he couldn't.

He was stuck.

(crying)

Where is he?

There he goes now!

Where? Where?

Aw, too late,
you missed him.

Those bunnies are quick.

(sighs)
Poor Skits.

I guess pretty soon
he'll be living in a tree.

A tree?

(makes monkey noises)

I've got to stop this!

How gullible can you get?

(laughs)

HELEN:
Ahem.

Look, I know I'm not supposed
to be burying Dad's clothes,

but it's the only way to keep
Skits from getting stuck

being a monkey all his life
and hanging from trees

'cause he's stuck like Akis.

Akis?

Yeah, that kid who's
stuck being a bunny.

Where did you
hear this?

From Ronald.

From Ronald.

Yeah, he...

Oh.

So you're saying Ronald
was just making that up?

I think so.

I guess you're
right then.

Maybe it is
just temporary.

MARTHA:
Malcolm!

There you are.

(woofs)

Hang on, I have
something to say.

I'm sorry I made a big deal
about you imitating a monkey.

As far as I'm concerned,
you can copy anyone you want,

as long as you stay my friend.

Maybe I could even learn
to imitate monkey talk.

You know...

(makes monkey sounds)

HELEN:
Found it, Freddy.

Freddy?

(barks)

Did you just
call him Freddy?

Freddy the firedog.

Looks like Skits has
outgrown the Malcolm phase.

Really? That's great!

Freddy is cool.

Wait a minute, I'm the one
who likes Freddy.

(barks)

Come on, Martha.

Martha?

Sorry, who?

(sighs)
Hurry up, Freddy.

Yee-ha!

Let's go find
that fire!

Hurry up, Freddy!

(barks)

Mature.

Mature means grown up.

If you act mature,
that means you act
grown up for your age.

Immature means that you
act younger than you are.

For instance...

Eating all your vegetables.

Mmm.

MARTHA:
Mature.

TD:
Not eating all
your vegetables...

MARTHA:
Immature.

TD:
Putting vegetables
in your friend's shoe...

TD!

MARTHA:
Really, really immature.

So, I hope that
helps you understand...

HELEN:
TD!

Did you put
vegetables in my shoe?

It was to
demonstrate a word.

That is not
very mature.

Thank you.

My point exactly.

(groans)
You are so immature.

(clears throat)

Oh, hey there.

Did you catch all
of those words?

Let's see some of them again.

Temporary means
it won't last forever.

It will only last
for a little while.

Mortified means I'm embarrassed.

My appearance--
that means the way I look.

Yes, you are.

Being self-conscious
means you worry too much

about the way you look.

A phase means something that'll
only last for a little while.

Oh!

See you next time!

To dig up some more fun words
and games, visit pbskids.org

or check out your local library
for the "Martha Speaks" books.

Skits, when I said "dig,"
I didn't mean in the yard!