07x10 - 9 + 1 = Yagyu Jyubei

[bunniefuu]

Poster,Sign: Between Man and Woman

Sign: Kyubei's Request: Make sure to watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!

FT: Hey, samurai.

FT: Would you like your fortune told?

Kyu: Sorry, I'm not interested.

FT: I cannot make any guarantees as to the accuracy of my fortunes,

FT: but I do have a keen eye for people,

FT: young lady.

FT: You cover yourself in the garb of men,

FT: but I can tell that your heart wavers.

FT: You are unsure whether you should live as a woman or a man.

FT: I see.

FT: To keep your family tradition going, you were raised as a boy,

FT: and you were unable to escape the role.

Kyu: Even so, I met good friends who accept me for who I am,

Kyu: became aware of the female that, without a doubt, resides in me,

Kyu: and gradually began to accept it,

Kyu: but the male habits ingrained in my body prevent me from taking the next step

Kyu: out of embarrassment.

Kyu: That, and my lingering feelings for a certain someone

Kyu: leave me still uncertain whether I wish to be

Kyu: a yuri character or a tomboy character.

FT: Then why don't you try becoming a man in both body and mind?

Kyu: I-Is that even...

FT: It is possible, yes.

FT: If you truly desire it,

FT: I can change this world for you.

FT: Modern society is full of docile men and proactive women,

FT: people who disregard their gender roles.

FT: You people must face up to the sex you've been given

FT: and understand the roles God assigned to you.

FT: To that end, maybe you should lose those roles once.

Kyu: Sorry to say this after you lent me an ear,

Kyu: but I'm not interested in joining your cult.

FT: Do you wish to become a man?

Kyu: Stop it!

Kyu: I'm not about to stoop to escapism!

FT: You wish to escape the reality that you are a woman.

FT: Is that correct?

Kyu: That's enough!

Kyu: If you can change the world, then do it.

Kyu: But don't stir up people's hearts with words you can't follow through on!

FT: That was a "yes," I take it?

FT: Now, behold.

FT: Our universal god, Lord Dekobokko, shall bring judgment down upon you!

FT: This town will be reborn,

FT: and you will have a new sex in that brand new world.

FT: I can hardly wait to see how you will live with it.

G: Are you okay?

G: What was that light just now?

Jyu: Hey.

Jyu: What just happened?

Jyu: What was with that fortune teller?

Jyu: Was that light just now her doing?

Jyu: It can't be.

Jyu: My body feels heavy.

Jyu: Is it my imagination, or have I gained weight?

Jyu: Oh, pardon me for staring.

Jyu: It's just, your clothes are so similar to mine...

Jyu: Wh-Why?

Jyu: Wh-Why can't I look up?

Jyu: It's not unheard of for people to wear similar outfits, right?

Jyu: But is it normal for even the eyepatch to be the same?

Jyu: Is it some kind of costume?

Jyu: Oh, he must be a cosplay party animal.

Jyu: B-But if I look up and see the party animal again...

Jyu: No, that's impossible.

Jyu: The very thought is preposterous.

Jyu: I'm not a man.

Jyu: And I'm not a woman, either.

Jyu: I'm...

Jyu: I'm Yagyu Kyu—

Jyu: I've become Jyubei.

Jyu: Kyubei's grown an unfamiliar extra rod!

Jyu: I've become Yagyu Jyubei!

Title: + = Yagyu Jyubei

Jyu: N-No way.

Jyu: This can't be!

Jyu: I won't accept this!

Jyu: I won't accept such a thing!

Jyu: I...

Gin: What are you doing, bro?

Gin: You'll hurt yourself.

Jyu: I'm not a bro!

Jyu: I'm—

Jyu: F-Forgive me!

Gin: What?

Gin: Why are you apologizing for touching a man's chest?

Jyu: B-But it just went "boing"...

Gin: Boing?

Gin: Huh? What the hell?

Jyu: Don't tell me...

Gin: Are you...

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Sign: Toilet

Jyu: How'd it go?

Gin: It's been so long since I last saw one!

Jyu: That's the issue here?!

Gin: How did it come to this...

Gin: Er, you're Kyubei, right?

Jyu: Call me Jyubei now.

Sugar,Sign: Sugar Content

Jyu: As for you, would Ginko-san be all right?

Gin: Nah, call me Vagin—

Jyu: You saw that light, too, didn't you?

Jyu: That's probably the cause.

Gin: Y-You gotta be kidding me.

Gin: You're saying everyone who was exposed to that light swapped genders?

Gin: And this is happening all over the Kabuki District as we speak?

Jyu: Yes, unfortunately.

Gin: So, basically...

Gin: I should fondle these boobs while I still can, huh?

Jyu: Where did that come from?!

Gin: But, you know, dreams never go all the way.

Gin: They peter out just as you get to the good stuff.

Jyu: This is not a dream!

Jyu: It's reality!

Kag: Gin-chan!

Gin: Kagura!

Jyu: Was Kagura-chan exposed to that light, too?

Kag: Help!

Kag: Help me!

Kag: Make it go away!

Kag: It's over there!

Gin: Oh, it was just a roach? Don't scare me like that.

Kag: So creepy.

Gin: You're the creepy one here!

Gin: Before crying about roaches, take a good look at your roach of a face!

Kag: Oh, so you guys swapped genders, too.

Gin: Yours goes far beyond that!

Gin: There's no trace of the original you! What's with the eye scar?!

Kag: When I woke up from my nap and went to the restroom earlier,

Kag: I found something weird hanging from my crotch.

Kag: But don't worry. I got rid of it already.

Kag: I got it!

Gin: What the hell did you do?!

Kag: "Essence of my father, blood of my mother,

Quote,Sign: Essence of my father, blood of my mother, I cannot throw this away.

Kag: I cannot throw this away!"

Gin: Who are you, Xiahou Dun?

Gin: Did you eat it like he ate his eyeball?

Gin: Also, getting rid of your balls hasn't solved anything!

Gin: Your face practically screams "I have a pair"!

Kag: Such is w*r.

Kag: Even if you render the enemy general impotent and win,

Kag: only sorrow will remain in the hearts of the populace.

Gin: She hasn't turned into a "he" so much as a "hero."

Hero,Sign: He

Hero,Sign: Hero

Jyu: She was affected even though she was napping at home?

Jyu: Anyway, we should keep people away from the Kabuki District.

Jyu: Contact Shinpachi-kun.

Kag: Leave that mission to me.

Kag: Let's go, Sekitobaharu!

Gin: Hold it right there!

Sekitobaharu,Sign: Sekitobaharu (Red Hare-haru)

Gin: What do you mean, Sekitobaharu?!

Gin: Is that Sadaharu?!

Gin: Forget genders, he's swapped species!

Gin: Why has he been made accomplice to your military style?!

Shin: I'm back.

Shin: Did you see that light before, Gin-san?

Shin: The entire town's in an uproar.

Jyu: Oh, no.

Gin: Were we too late?

Shin: Who are you people?

Shin: Don't just barge into other people's houses!

Gin: Shinpachi!

Jyu: Shinpachi-kun!

Jyu: We were too late!

Gin: Damn it all!

Gin: How could this be?!

Gin: Shinpachi's...

Gin: Shinpachi's frame turned pink!

Gin: He's become so feminine!

Shin: Uh, that's not Shinpachi.

Kag: Curse you, Zhuge Liang!

Shin: Uh, he has nothing to do with this.

Jyu: How am I supposed to tell Tae-chan?

Shin: I don't know what's going on, but I do know that you guys piss me off.

Jyu: The whole town is in chaos.

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Jyu: It seems like there were more casualties than we thought.

FT: If you truly desire it,

FT: I can change this world for you.

Jyu: It might be my fault.

Jyu: This whole situation might be my doing.

PA: Emergency alert.

PA: The Kabuki District has been placed under martial law.

PA: People in the vicinity are to follow the government officials' instructions

PA: and leave the area as quickly as possible.

PA: All those in the district are to wait for orders.

PA: Do not leave, under any circumstances.

W: Hey! Let us outta here!

G: I don't want to stay in an old man's body!

Gin: Every way out's been blocked off completely.

Gin: Guess we're trapped in here with these bodies.

Names,Sign: Yagyu Kyubei (M)

Jyu: Is the government trying to keep the damage from spreading

Jyu: by putting us under quarantine?

Names,Sign: Sakata Gintoki (F)

Gin: Nah, they might just be trying to literally cover up this problem.

Names,Sign: Sekitobaharu (F) Kagura (M)

Kag: Is it that cursed Zhuge Liang's trap?!

Pink,Sign: Pink Glasses

Shin: Why am I the clearly the odd one out?!

Shin: Why did only my glasses get a makeover?!

Shin: Also, are you guys really Gin-san and g*ng?

Gin: Give it a rest. I told you that I'm now Vagin—

Jyu: Call us Ginko-san and Jyubei.

Shin: But how am I supposed to believe you?

Shin: This can't be Kagura-chan.

Kag: I'm not Kagura-chan.

Sekitobaharu,Sign: Kagura Dun

Kag: Call me Kagura Dun, whelp!

Shin: Who the hell is Kagura Dun?!

Shin: That's not even the same character anymore!

Shin: Wh-What's that?

FTAB: People of Earth.

FTAB: Have you graciously accepted your gift from God?

Jyu: That's...

AB: What has happened to your bodies is an undeniable fact.

AB: It is a trial that God has bestowed upon you.

AB: Until now, you people have been neglecting your genders.

AB: Frail men who escape to anime and games out of a fear of getting hurt.

AB: Haughty women who lord over men under the pretext of gender equality.

AB: Lord Dekobokko is most saddened and angered by this.

AB: If you are so discontent with the sex you have been granted,

AB: then he feels you should swap them and try living a new life with a new sex.

AB: Should you Earth people adopt Dekobokkoism as your state religion

AB: and exhibit the will to remain faithful to your genders,

AB: God will forgive all your sins and turn you back to normal.

AB: But if you continue to defy his teachings,

AB: then his light of judgment shall fall

AB: not only on the Kabuki District, but on this entire planet.

AB: Do not forget. We are always watching you.

W: What was that just now?

G: What's the meaning of this?

Gin: Enough with the jokes already.

Gin: Lord Dekobokko?

Gin: I can't go back to normal unless I act feminine?

Gin: Who in their right mind would believe that crap?

Gin: That aside, Pachie,

Gin: wanna hit up the photo booth at the arcade?

Shin: You clearly believe it!

Shin: Who do you think you are, a high school girl?!

Gin: Quit being so wary, Pachie.

Gin: It's 'cause you're so uptight that you can't get a boyfriend.

Shin: I don't want a boyfriend!

Shin: And I'm not Pachie!

Gin: You got it all wrong, girl.

Gin: Apparently there's this hot new photo booth where

Gin: you can take pictures with a total cutie-patootie mascot.

Hero,Sign: , yen a pop

Price,Sign: , yen a pop

Kag: Welcome!

Kag: Right now, you have the chance to take pictures with me, Lord Dekobokko.

Kag: Gosh, you are such a cutie pie!

Shin: Don't collaborate with the zealots to make money!

Kag: In these chaotic times,

Kag: people don't have the strength to live without a pillar of faith.

Kag: 'Tis also a lord's duty to accept the weakness of his people.

Shin: Nobody's gonna accept how weak your brains are!

W: It's Lord Dekobokko!

W: If you take a picture with him, you can go back to normal!

G: Let me take one too, Lord Dekobokko!

Jyu: Calm down, everyone!

Shin: This is basically a riot!

W: Out of the way! I'm going first!

G: No, I am!

Tae: Um, could you let me through?

G: You're in the way!

Jyu: Didn't you hear me telling you to calm down?

Jyu: Are you all right, miss?

Jyu: You're not hurt, are you?

Tae: I-I'm fine.

Tae: Thank you for saving m—

Jyu: T-Tae-chan?

Tae: Are you...

Tae: Kyu-chan?

Shin: I can't believe you were in the Kabuki District too, Sis.

Shin: But then, why is your body unchanged?

Gin: You're being rude, Pachie.

Gin: Look at her chest. It's as flat as Sekigahara.

Gin: It's been razed to the grou—

Tae: I hate to break it to you, but I only came here after the fact.

Tae: The uproar on TV got me worried, so I decided to check on Odd Jobs,

Tae: but I got locked in here instead.

Tae: Now I find Gin-san with this massive rack.

Tae: Good for you.

Tae: You can fondle them to your heart's content.

Gin: O-Ow! You're gonna rip my boob off!

Tae: And speaking of surprises,

Tae: I find this fabulous man,

Tae: and it turned out to be Kyu-chan.

Shin: Sis, now is not the time for that.

Jyu: I-I'm not Kyubei, but Jyubei, her brother.

Jyu: I'm currently looking for a girlfriend.

Shin: Quit trying to take advantage of this crisis!

Gin: Is this seriously your type of guy, Otae?

Gin: Jyubei's cute and all, but doesn't he seem like a total De A**stini type?

Gin: Like the publisher, he'll be nice until you start a relationship, but then...

Shin: And you, quit ignoring the crisis for a session of high school girls' talk!

Kag: No, while it's true that De A**stini serialized the Records of the Three Kingdoms...

Shin: Nobody was talking about you!

Shin: Have you heard of Dekobokkoism?

Shin: It's an extremist religious cult that's on all the interspace wanted lists.

Shin: The core members are all hermaphrodites,

Shin: or people who are both male and female.

Shin: As such, they've adopted a very strict doctrine about gender.

Shin: Men must be manly, and women feminine, or they'll be subject to divine punishment.

Shin: I'd heard they'd been propagating such beliefs on various planets,

Shin: but I never knew it'd be like this.

Shin: I have no idea how they did it,

Shin: but unless we do something about them,

Shin: none of us will go back to normal.

Gin: That's easier said that done.

Gin: Not only do have no clue where they are, but we can't leave this town, either.

Tae: Also, they said they're always watching us,

Tae: so they must have a wide surveillance network.

Tae: If we do anything stupid, we'll put all of Earth in danger.

Gin: That's right!

Gin: They've taken the Earth and my pair hostage.

Gin: Three balls in total!

Shin: What do we do, then?

Gin: Well, let the government handle the state religion mess.

Gin: The more pressing matter we face now is...

Gin: How to pee!

Shin: Who cares?!

Gin: I do!

Gin: We don't know where and how they could be watching us.

Gin: So until things get fixed, I gotta act feminine!

Gin: And provided I learn the right way to pee now,

Gin: even if I find someone peeing wrong while I'm peeing,

Gin: I can teach them the right way to pee—

Shin: Enough!

Shin: How many times are you gonna say the word pee?!

Gin: I'll cut to the chase.

Gin: How do I take a leak the feminine way?

Jyu: H-How? J-Just do it normally.

Gin: What's that supposed to mean?

Gin: Do you know how to take a manly leak?

Jyu: There's nothing manly or feminine in using the toilet!

Jyu: I'm telling you to do it normally.

Gin: And I'm telling you I don't get what's normal.

Gin: Do you mean something like this?

Tae: Excuse us.

Tae: We need to visit the washroom.

Gin: Say, Otae.

Gin: Who are you gunning for?

Gin: For starters, that lame four-eyes is out of the question, right?

Gin: I mean, pink glasses? Seriously?

Shin: Who cares about that part?!

Shin: Why are you playing a scene right out of a mixer?!

Kyu: Hold it!

Kyu: Why are you trying to stroll into the women's toilet with Tae-chan?

Gin: What else can I do? I am a woman right now!

Gin: And this way, I can ask her how to do it!

Shin: What kind of perverted things are you trying to make Sis do?!

Shin: It'd paint a horrible picture!

Kag: Oh, all right.

Kag: I'll teach you.

Shin: That'd paint an even worse picture!

???: Um, if you'd like...

???: I can teach you.

???: Formerly men, now women.

???: It shouldn't be a problem when we're both in the same boat, right?

Shin: Huh? You were a man, too?

Shin: I-I can't believe it.

???: At times like these, we need to help each other out.

???: At first, I had no idea what to do either,

???: but it's easy once you get used to it.

Gin: She may have formerly been a man,

Gin: but should I really be making such a sexy lady do this?

Gin: It's fine. It's out of my hands.

Gin: Besides, this is Gintama!

???: I just did it normally over there.

Gin: Uh, sorry.

Gin: Small, not big.

???: Small?

???: I was pretty pent-up, so I'd say it was a pretty big one myself.

Gin: That's not what I meant.

Gin: But before all that, isn't that outdoor defecation?

???: More like an out-of-the-box du—

Gin: It's outdoor defecation, isn't it?

???: I didn't know whether to use the men's or the women's toilet,

???: so I took a freedom du—

Gin: No matter how much you deny it, it's outdoor defecation, isn't it?

???: Forgive me.

???: I was following someone, so I didn't have time to look for a toilet.

???: Oh, despite how I look, I'm a policeman.

???: Though it wasn't a criminal I was following,

???: but Otae-san.

Names,Sign: Kondo Isao (F)

Gin: So it was outdoor defecation.

Tae: What the hell do you think you're doing?!

Tae: How'd a gorilla turn into a Takarazuka Revue beauty?

Tae: Why does he have these huge knockers?!

Kon: Ow! You're gonna rip my boob off!

Shin: Is that seriously Kondo-san?

Kon: Forgive me, Otae-san.

Kon: I didn't want you to see me like this,

Kon: but when I saw you in trouble, I just couldn't leave you alone.

Kon: The thing is, I...

Kon: Frankly, I'm sexier than you—

PA: Heretics spotted.

Gin: Hey! We really were being watched!

Gin: What was the problem?

Gin: The outdoor defecation? Otae?

Gin: There's so many things it could be, I can't tell which one it is!

Shin: Anyway, we need to run away!

C: Capture the heretics.

C: Capture the heretics.

Shin: Oh, no. We're surrounded.

Gin: Hey, cop! Do something about this!

Kon: D-Don't worry.

Kon: Th-The government hasn't abandoned this town.

Kon: I didn't come here just to follow Otae-san.

Kon: I infiltrated this place in order to guide

Kon: the special new unit that has the mission of saving the town!

Oki: Let's go, you louts.

Names,Sign: Okita Sogo (F)

Oki: Cunsengumi, move out.

Names,Sign: Shinsengumi (F)

Shin: It's just a group of gender-swapped special idiots!

Shin: What the hell are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be cops?!

Tae: Hey, what is with all of you?

Tae: Are you messing with me?!

Oki: Over there, boss lady! The enemy's over there!

Tae: Well, your breasts are my enemies!

Oki: This is bad, Hijikata-san!

Oki: There's an unexpected enemy!

Oki: She's gonna take us out, Hijikata-san!

Hij: How stupid.

Hij: I'd love to give these annoying lumps away if I could.

Names,: Hijikata Toshiro (F)

Tae: Thank you.

Hij: What the hell's that supposed to mean?!

Tsuzuku,Sign: To Be Continued

Preview,Sign: Preview

Hij: Why am I the only one who looks like this?

Oki: It's all the mayonnaise calories you accumulated.

???: Sheesh. I'm fed up with the men of this town.

???: Begone, you pigs.

Gin: Next Episode: "Calories Come Back to Bite You Just When You've Forgotten About Them."

Title: Calories Come Back to Bite You Just When You've Forgotten About Them

Jyu: Why am I feeling joy in this situation?

Preview,Sign: Preview

text r: With all the changed, unchanged,

text l: and slightly changed people,

text r: you'd think there'd be chaos on the scene,

text l: but everyone seems surprisingly into it.