07x04 - Forget Dates, Remember People/You Can Hide Your Porn Mags But You Can't Hide Your ***

[bunniefuu]

Tea,Sign: Hinoya Tea House

Tsu: Year ?

Sei: was...

Sei: Uh...

Sei: Oh! "Seventh heaven in tender Heian-kyo"!

Tsu: Wrong!

Tsu: is Heijo-kyo.

Tsu: Heian-kyo is "Sings the nightingale for Heian-kyo,"

Book,Sign: Japanese History

Tsu: so year .

Sei: That's too complicated! What's with this Heijo-kyo and Heian-kyo crap?!

Sei: It's clearly a trap!

Tsu: That's what you get for only memorizing what's on the surface.

Tsu: You need to start learning the details.

Tsu: Heijo-kyo came to prominence during Empress Genmei's reign.

Tsu: In the third year of the Wado era, she moved the capital from Fujiwara-kyo to Heijo-kyo,

Tsu: where it remained until the third year of the Enryaku era,

Tsu: when Emperor Kammu moved it to Nagaoka-kyo—

Sei: That's even more complicated!

Sei: What's the point of memorizing these dates?

Sei: It won't help one bit when I become a working member of society, anyway.

Tsu: I daresay a guy that lazy would never get anywhere in the real world.

Tsu: Think of it as self-training and start again.

Sei: I'd rather do some actual training, then.

Sei: I wanna be strong, like you!

Tsu: Is that so? Then let's go with this...

Tsu: I'll now throw a bunch of these cards and knives at you.

Tsu: Before I throw, I'll name a historical event.

Tsu: You'll collect the cards that make up the number of the year it took place,

Tsu: while blindfolded and avoiding the knives by instinct alone.

Sei: You're just making things more difficult!

Sei: How am I supposed to sense the numbers by instinct alone?!

Tsu: Here I come!

Sei: Wait a sec—

Tsu: The Battle of Sekigahara!

Sign: Forget Dates, Remember People

Gin: This is weird.

Gin: Wasn't he studying history?

Gin: What, did the teacher abandon class halfway through and go, "Let's play dodgeball today"?

Tsu: D-Dates alone are not enough to learn about history.

Tsu: I thought I should teach him how Ieyasu actually fought at Sekigahara.

Gin: Uh, hasn't Ieyasu been crushed here? History's taken a whole new turn.

Gin: Well, did it work?

Gin: Which year did the Battle of Sekigahara take place?

Sei: S-Sixteen hundred knives...

Gin: He's memorized it in some weird way!

Gin: Forget the date, he's just had trauma etched into his memory!

Tsu: C-Can you blame me?!

Tsu: He just wouldn't listen to me!

Hin: It's all right, Tsukuyo.

Hin: You're great at teaching the Hyakka new techniques,

Hin: so I thought you'd make a great tutor as well, but...

Gin: Your personnel selection method is way too sloppy.

Sei: Save me, Gin-san!

Sei: I don't wanna study history anymore!

Gin: Let go.

Sei: I wanna take classes in health and PE!

Gin: Everyone's automatically capable of perfect scores in those

Gin: the moment they hit puberty!

Tsu: Very well.

Tsu: Let's do it right this time.

Tsu: I'll now throw this wooden kokeshi doll and a bunch of knives at you, and you must—

Gin: Why are you trying to teach a kid how to fight wood?!

Sei: I'm sick of studying like that!

Sei: Actually, I've had it with Tsukuyo-nee!

Sei: I know! You teach me, Gin-san!

Sei: You went to a temple school, so you must know proper studying methods, right?

Tea,Sign: Hinoya Tea House

Gin: You little...

Gin: Why'd you drag me into your mess?

Sei: Come on, you're getting paid,

Sei: so let's just call it a little give-and-take.

W: How's the studying going?

W: Why don't you take a break?

Sei: I'm sure there'll be slices of cake in it for you, too.

Gin: Look, I'm sorry,

Gin: but if there's money involved, I can't half-ass things.

Sei: Aw, you're no fun.

Gin: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and he's gotta do it right.

Gin: All right. Open up volume ten of Hana no Keiji .

Tsu: How's the studying going?

Tsu: Why don't you take a break

Tsu: forever?

Gin: Oh, n-no need for that. We were just about to begin.

Gin: What's the meaning of this?

Gin: What happened to slices of cake?

Gin: My head got sliced by a knife instead!

Gin: It's your fault for putting her in a bad mood with your whining!

Tsu: We're really counting on you,

Tsu: Korosensei.

Gin: She's calling me something weird now!

Gin: She seems ready to assassinate me at any moment!

Tsu: I'm sure you've reached the Sengoku era by now, right?

Gin: W-We have!

Gin: The curtain was just raised on the warring states era!

Sei: Are you sure we should be jumping to the Sengoku era?

Sei: I don't have a handle on the eras before that at all.

Gin: Men can get by with knowledge of the Sengoku era alone!

Gin: Before that, it was just mostly-gorillas running around with spears in hand.

Sei: They're way too fuzzy!

Sei: What about the transition from Heijo-kyo to Heian-kyo?

Gin: That was merely a move from one cave to the one next door.

Sei: What?

Sei: "Sings the nightingale for you in Heian-kyo"?

MnemonicL,Sign: Sings the Nightingale For you in Heian-kyo - Relocation to Heian-kyo

Gin: No!

MnemonicL,Sign: We've saved up . million, so why don't we move, honey? - Relocation to Heian-kyo

Gin: "We've saved up . million, so why don't we move, honey? To Heian-kyo."

Sei: What kinda mnemonic is that?!

Sei: Then what about the Kamakura shogunate?

Gin: A move to the Kamakura snow hut next door to that .

Sei: They didn't evolve one bit in years!

Gin: As if mere humans could ever evolve that easily.

Gin: Don't forget that they were mostly-gorillas.

Gin: After that, a bunch of stuff happened...

Gin: In , the beginning of the Onin w*r marked the beginning of the Sengoku era.

Sei: That's way too drastic an evolution!

Sei: A bunch of stuff? What exactly happened?!

Gin: If I recall correctly, they got their hands on some overpowered technology,

Gin: but being gorillas, they started fighting over bananas or something,

Gin: leading to one of those "end of civilization" scenarios.

Sei: What?

MnemonicR ,Sign: Our Forlorn Sad Society - Onin w*r

Sei: "Our forlorn, sad society: Onin w*r"?

Gin: Wrong!

MnemonicR ,Sign: One night For all Signs of civilization to Shatter, eh, honey? - Onin w*r

Gin: "One night for all signs of civilization to shatter, eh, honey? Onin w*r."

Sei: Why keep asking her for confirmation?!

Sei: Still, I had no idea something like that happened to our planet.

Gin: Well, you need to at least study up on your own country's history.

Gin: Right, honey—

Tsu: Which country's history is that, Korosensei?

Tsu: Don't twist history any more.

Tsu: What do you think you're teaching him?

Gin: Calm down.

Gin: Rather than learning details,

Gin: what's important is to make him develop an interest in history first.

Sei: Korosensei,

Sei: what happened to this country after that?

Gin: See what I mean?

Gin: Okay, let's keep going.

Gin: Anyway, the Ragnarok I mentioned earlier reduced Japan to nothing.

Sei: What's Ragnarok, now?

Gin: It's another name for the Onin w*r, dumbass.

Gin: So, once the country lost its rulers,

Gin: Sengoku generals popped up all over the place,

Gin: and waged bloody battle for the right to make it their own.

Sei: So that's the warring states era I've heard so much about.

Gin: That's right.

Tsu: It's still somewhat off, but at least they've managed to get back on track.

Sei: I'm not great with dates,

Sei: but I do know about the Sengoku generals.

Sei: Oda Nobunaga and Tokugawa Ieyasu, right?

Sei: Who else was there?

Gin: The men considered the strongest in the era

Gin: were Takeda Shingen and his rival Uesugi Kenshin.

Sei: Who else?

Gin: Who else?

Gin: Akechi Mitsuhide,

Gin: and Ishida Mitsunari...

Sei: Who else?

Gin: Wh-Who else...

Sei: Hey, who else?

Gin: And then there were mostly gorillas.

Tsu: The gorillas were still alive?!

Sei: Wait a sec.

Sei: Weren't the gorillas wiped out during the Onin w*r?

Tsu: Seita, you've got it wrong.

Tsu: There was a Sengoku general named Toyotomi Hideyoshi, you see.

Tsu: Due to his appearance, Nobunaga teased him by calling him "Gorilla."

Tsu: Gintoki, that's what you were talking about, right?

Gin: Precisely.

Sei: But I thought Hideyoshi had the nickname "Monkey."

Gin: Monkeys, gorillas, and Hideyoshi are pretty much the same, anyway.

Gin: They all have crazy grip strength.

Gin: That's how Basara seized the nation!

Gin: The sword hunt he ordered to suppress the farmers

Gin: was actually a banana hunt, you know?

Sei: What?

Sei: It's not "our lands free of every enemy's sword: sword hunt"?

MnemonicL,Sign: Our lands Free of Every Enemy's sword - Sword Hunt

Gin: Nope.

MnemonicL,Sign: One Fine banana's Extra Enormous, right, goriest honey? - Banana Hunt

Gin: It's "One fine banana's extra enormous, right, goriest honey? Banana hunt."

Tsu: That's just a gorilla through and through!

Sei: So Hideyoshi was a survivor of an extinct ancient species?

Sei: That's why Nobunaga valued him so highly!

Tsu: What are you gonna do?

Tsu: History's going off-track again!

Gin: That's not it.

Gin: Hideyoshi was actually known as a swindler

Gin: because he was was such a master at stealing people's hearts.

Gin: There's a story that goes...

Gin: One cold winter, Nobunaga put on his sandals,

Gin: only to find them warm for some reason.

Gin: He figured Hideyoshi must've been wasting time on his backside,

Gin: so he went to scold him.

Gin: But here's what Hideyoshi said:

Gin: "Forgive me, my lord.

Gin: I thought it wouldn't do for your feet to grow cold on this winter night,

Gin: so I used the ancient w*apon, Excalibur Omega,

Gin: to heat up your sandals."

Tsu: What kind of story is that?!

Sei: What the hell is Excalibur Omega?

Sei: Don't tell me, the w*apon that destroyed the world was still around?!

Gin: The import of g*ns in was simply a fake-out to conceal the truth.

Sei: You're saying it wasn't "Our firearms will be funded by our treasury from now on: g*ns"?!

MnemonicL,Sign: Our Firearms will be Funded by our Treasury from now on - Import of g*ns

Gin: That's right!

Gin: It was "One more female for the harem: from now on, you are my new honey"!

MnemonicR ,Sign: One more Female For The Harem From now on, you are my new honey

Tsu: What happened to the Excalibur Omega?!

Tsu: Forget it!

Tsu: If things go any more off-track, we'll never be able to recover!

Tsu: Well, let's leave the Excalibur Omega on the sandals for now.

Tsu: Nobunaga had another trusted aide aside from Hideyoshi.

Tsu: That was Akechi Mitsuhide.

Tsu: He was a man with talents that surpassed Hideyoshi,

Tsu: but that caused a rift between him and Nobunaga

Tsu: that would eventually tear the two heroes apart.

Tsu: It led to the " th Evening Treason, the Honno-ji Incident."

Sign: th Evening Treason - Honno-ji Incident

Tsu: Mitsuhide turned on his lord, Nobunaga, and burned him to death.

Sei: Oh?

Sei: Well, I've heard of that, so I don't really—

Tsu: But that's just a fake-out.

Tsu: In truth, it was just an expl*si*n and fire

Tsu: caused by Mitsuhide when he tried to rip off Hideyoshi's idea

Tsu: and microwave Nobunaga's sandals to warm them up.

Sei: What?! That's what the Honno-ji Incident was?

Sei: Wait, was that microwave also Excalibur...

Tsu: ...Sigma, yes.

Gin: You're jumping to this side, too?!

Tsu: It was the year .

Tsu: The mnemonic is "One fire engulfed those strawberry panties, honey."

Sign: One Fire Engulfed Those strawberry panties, honey

Gin: Wait, Excalibur Sigma's just "honey" from earlier?!

Gin: If even you come to this side, how are we gonna return history to normal?!

Sei: So, what happened to Mitsuhide?

Sei: Hey, what happened?

Hin: Shouldn't that be obvious?

Hin: Only the Omega could stop the Sigma.

Hin: When Hideyoshi stood before Mitsuhide,

Hin: Omega and Sigma were fired, destroying the world.

Hin: But while it was the end of everything,

Hin: it also marked the beginning of it all.

Hin: That's how the world we live in came to be.

Hin: This is where our history truly begins.

Hin: So, Gin-san, Tsukuyo,

Hin: why don't you take it from the top, one more time?

Tea,Sign: Hinoya Tea House

Gin: Hey, lend me volume ten of Hana no Keiji .

Tsu: From Me to Thou for me, then.

Shin: What do I do?

Shin: Who knows what'll happen if Sis ever finds these?

Shin: I really shouldn't have done this,

Shin: but I couldn't help myself.

Gin: Oh, sorry.

Gin: Pachi-boy...

Gin: When you get home, wash your hands first.

Shin: Hold it right there!

Shin: You've got it all wrong!

Sign: You Can Hide Your Porn Mags But You Can't Hide Your ***

Tak: Please, Shin-chan!

Tak: My family doesn't take too kindly to this kinda thing,

Tak: so I'd like to move these to a safe location for a while.

Tak: It's just a temporary thing.

Shin: And that's the whole story.

Shin: So it's not like I, uh, had anything dirty in mind for th-these.

Gin: Hey, I didn't ask for an explanation.

Gin: Well, I'm a guy, too.

Gin: Don't worry, I understand.

Shin: What exactly is it that you understand?

Gin: I get it, I really do.

Gin: Basically, "from now on, always knock before entering Shinpachi's room,

Gin: and never empty the trash in his dustbin without permission."

Gin: I just need to tell Kagura and Otae that, right?

Shin: What the hell are you trying to tell them?!

Shin: You don't get it at all!

Gin: Yeah, you gotta go through a Jump phase before you climb the stairs to adulthood.

Gin: I went through a Video Girl phase and stuff myself.

Shin: Don't lump the two together!

Shin: I don't see Jump through such vulgar eyes!

Gin: Then what?

Gin: Are you saying it's embarrassing to have Ho Love-ru ?

Shin: I-It's not.

Manga ,Sign: Owie!

Shin: Just that there are people out there,

Shin: like Taka-chin's parents, who focus on the naughty bits and get the wrong idea, right?

Manga ,Sign: Look out!

Manga ,Sign: Huh?

Shin: Even my sister's pretty strict about that stuff.

Tae: What is this, Shin-chan?

Gin: Ignore them. What would women know about Ho Love-ru 's greatness?

Gin: In our modern society, where porn floods the Internet and phones,

Gin: and the rules and regulations keep getting stricter,

Gin: HLR still refuses to yield, and boldly shows nipples in Jump .

Gin: How much courage do you think that instills in the hearts of young boys?

Gin: It's nothing like the nudes crazy women put up on the Internet.

Gin: It's as meaningful as a pure idol taking off her clothes!

Gin: In the first place—

Shin: All right, all right!

Shin: I get how amazing nipples are, but could you keep it down?

Shin: Sis might hear us!

Shin: Anyway,

Shin: in order to protect those young boys' dreams from Sis and the others—

Gin: They're called the PTA.

Shin: Right.

Shin: In order to protect them from the PTA, they sadly have to be hidden somewhere.

Shin: What do we do?

Gin: What do you mean?

Gin: I'm sure you've hidden a porn mag or two before.

Shin: N-No, I haven't.

Shin: I've never even read stuff like that...

Shin: Hey! What are you doing?!

Gin: Oh, here? Quite the orthodox move.

Shin: Y-You've got it wrong!

Shin: I only collected these because they had Otsu-chan interviews!

Gin: And this over here's...

Gin: Hiding books among other books, eh?

Shin: That's not it, either!

Gin: Or is it so you can use the "I'm just randomly putting books

Gin: where there's space, it's not like I'm hiding them" excuse?

Shin: No!

Shin: I just had some empty space on my shelf, so I bought them to fill it!

Gin: You're naive, Pachi-boy.

Gin: Way too naive.

Gin: Your hiding places are the ones % of guys in this country

Gin: would think of first—the most cliched of cliches!

Gin: You can hardly call that "hiding."

Gin: It's the same as sticking them next to volumes of Dragonball !

Gin: Don't underestimate the PTA.

Gin: They only left you alive 'cause you lacked the balls to buy actual porn mags.

Gin: You're such a pleb that Young Jump packaging

Gin: and the lingerie pages of mail-order catalogs are enough to satisfy you,

Gin: so they never even took notice of you. That's all!

Shin: Did you have to reveal that?

Gin: Pachi-boy,

Gin: when you're looking to hide porn mags, what do you consider first?

Shin: Wh-Where they'd never catch anyone's eye.

Shin: Something like that?

Gin: That's where you go wrong.

Gin: No matter how you disguise it,

Gin: the very act of hiding something will make something seem off in the room.

Gin: And the PTA specializes in

Gin: sniffing out your nervous, guilt-ridden, and virgin stench.

Shin: The PTA's way too scary!

Gin: Don't hide porn mags in your room.

Gin: Use the room to hide porn mags!

Gin: If you remodel your entire room,

Gin: no one thing will seem off, weakening the PTA's sense of smell.

Gin: You must turn this room into a fortress that exists solely to protect your porn mags!

Shin: Is hiding porn mags that big a deal?

Gin: First, move the furniture around, and put padlocks on all the storage.

Shin: But that'd make it obvious that I'm hiding something.

Gin: It's just a fake-out.

Gin: Put something you value in there.

Gin: However, the PTA will definitely jump at it,

Gin: and as they keep prying locks open, their suspicion will fade.

Gin: You can hide the very act of hiding porn mags.

Shin: Talk about an elaborate ploy!

Shin: Why's this guy acting like some kind of porn-mag-hiding strategist?

Shin: But wait.

Shin: What if they immediately open the lock keeping the porn mags safe?

Gin: Oh, we won't lock up the porn mags.

Gin: Just casually put them in this bookshelf.

Gin: In the PTA's eyes, hiding something means you might as well be begging someone to find it.

Gin: So we won't hide them.

Gin: That is the best way to pull wool over their eyes.

Shin: The porn-mag strategist is overthinking things to the point of not making sense.

Shin: B-But what if they happen to find them?

Gin: Didn't I tell you?

Gin: This room is a fortress to protect porn mags.

Gin: In order for the room itself to hide the porn mags,

Gin: it'll take on a layout that matches the porn mags.

Gin: The PTA will never turn their attention to the porn.

Gin: Because they'll be busy focusing on you.

Shin: Are you kidding me?!

Shin: Instead of my porn mags, they'll find out about this outrageous fetish!

Gin: Like I said, the room will match the porn mags.

Shin: More like it's become a porno itself!

Gin: Who cares about the room? Don't lose sight of your cause.

Shin: You're the one who's lost sight!

Shin: Trying to hide porn with porn is stupid in the first place!

Shin: I'm trying to keep any and all perversion hidden here!

Gin: What? Really?

Gin: That's impossible.

Gin: There's no way to hide your perversion. I give up!

Gin: What's that supposed to mean?!

Shin: I'd be done for if anyone saw my room like this!

Gin: Well, you do have a point.

Gin: If you don't want your porn mags discovered,

Gin: the easiest way is not letting the PTA into this room at all.

Shin: I never said anything of the sort.

Shin: Is it possible, though?

Gin: That said, putting a padlock on the door would be too suspicious.

Gin: Rather than something to keep them out physically, we need a mental trick

Gin: that'll make them not want to enter the room.

Gin: Like this, then?

Shin: Nothing's changed from before!

Gin: Nobody'd want to set foot in here.

Gin: They'd be more like "sorry for interrupting."

Shin: Yeah, I bet!

Shin: I'd rather submit to a padlock on the door than to this!

Shin: Not "submit" like that!

Gin: Later.

Shin: Don't give me that!

Shin: Untie me! Also, the porn mag problem hasn't been solved at all!

Gin: Let's do this, then.

Gin: Sure, petty tricks like hiding won't prove effective against the PTA.

Gin: We just need to make it so they won't recognize porn mags even if they do find them.

Gin: For example, something like this...

Note,Sign: You found this? Something might be hiding in the book shelf, too.

Note,Sign: Good job finding this. You might find something under the tatami mats next.

Note,Sign: Now, then. Where's the last one? On the desk, maybe?

Note Pink,Sign: Happy birthday, Sis.

Tae: Shin-chan...

Shin: As if!

Shin: What kinda birthday surprise is that?

Shin: Why portray porn mags as something romantic?!

Gin: This way, she'll be so happy, she'll forget all about finding the porn mags.

Shin: Like hell she will!

Shin: I'm totally giving her one as a present!

Gin: Then what about this?

Tae: Shin-chan?

Tae: What? What are these books?!

Tae: I'm sorry...

Shin: As if!

Shin: Why am I playing dominoes with porn mags?!

Shin: Why would she apologize there?!

Gin: The guilt of toppling your dominoes

Gin: will make her forget all about finding the porn mags.

Shin: Like hell she'd forget!

Shin: Seeing her brother like that would traumatize her for life!

Gin: I knew you'd say that, so I added a little trick to the dominoes.

Note Pink,Sign: Happy birthday, Sis.

Gin: "Happy birthday, Sis."

Shin: I'm telling you, enough about birthdays!

Tae: Shin-chan!

Shin: Seriously, that's not gonna happen!

Shin: That doesn't hide what it is!

Shin: Besides, this method only lets me hide porn mags on her birthday!

Note Pink,Sign: Every day, someone in the world is celebrating a happy birthday.

Gin: "Every day, someone in the world is celebrating a happy birthday."

Shin: Quit making poignant statements using porn mags! It's annoying!

P: Oh, Shin-chan!

Shin: What're people from all over the world doing here?!

Shin: Also, now my porn mags have been discovered worldwide!

Note Pink,Sign: Happy birthday, me.

Gin: "Happy birthday, me."

Shin: That makes me look really lonely!

Shin: Somebody show up already! Somebody come celebrate my birthday!

Shin: Jeez, I've been thinking about porn mags so much, I don't know what's what anymore—

Shin: What's wrong with having porn mags?

Shin: Why do I have to hide them?

Shin: Actually, what are porn mags?

Shin: What does erotic mean?

Gin: Is your brain fried?

Shin: You know, Ho Love-ru isn't even porn, right?

Shin: If you only look at the cover, you won't be able to tell it has fanservice, right?

Gin: Wait, could it be...

Gin: This could work.

Title,Sign: Ho Love-ru Dragonball

Gin: What the hell? We were just overthinking things!

Shin: We jumped to conclusions and started thinking of all kinds of ridiculous things.

Gin: That's what you get for having perverted thoughts all the time.

Shin: That's just how it goes.

Shin: 'Cause, really, all men...

Gin: ...think with their dicks.

Gin: Man, thinking about all that crap wore me out.

Gin: Let's go get some tea somewhere.

Both: Oh...

Tae: Shin-chan, Gin-san.

Tae: I brought tea...

B: We forgot to clean up the room.

Next,Sign: Next Episode

Sac: At last, my LGK home is complete!

Gin: Next Episode:

Sign: A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides

Gin: "A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides,"

Gin: and one more.

Text r: At this point, the word "frozen"

Text l: only brings to mind one thing,

Text r: but this manga chapter was published first,

Text l: so we decided to let it go!