07x03 - An Inspector's Love begins with an Inspection

[bunniefuu]

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Sign: Yamazaki Sagaru's request: Please watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.

Ymz: Yamazaki Sagaru's observation report,

Ymz: week one of the stakeout mission.

Ymz: No signs of movement from Odd Jobs today, either.

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Ymz: When the vice chief found out that the boss here

Ymz: was the White Yaksha, a hero of the Joi w*r,

Ymz: he decided it was time to seriously keep tabs on him.

Ymz: But regardless of his past, the boss is now just a moronic bum.

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Gin: I'm hitting up the pachinko parlor.

Ymz: What does that make me, a guy staking out a bum who's bumming around?

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Kag: We're going for a walk.

Ymz: As time flows by meaninglessly,

Ymz: I find myself wondering why I ever became an inspector.

Ymz: I'm no different from that bar code reader.

Ymz: Every single day, all we do is take in what's right in front of us.

Ymz: Our lives pass us by as we spend them doing nothing but observing others.

Cle: Huh?

Cle: That's funny. It won't scan.

Cle: Hey, Manager! Looks like this thing's broken!

Ymz: This happens even to a machine.

Ymz: It might not be long before I break down, too.

Tam: Excuse me.

Tam: Could you let me see that for a second?

Tam: Don't worry. It's not broken.

Tam: It just has a bit of indigestion from scanning too much anpan.

Tam: Cheer up.

Tam: Your job isn't just some conveyor belt process.

Tam: We're all valuable cogs in this massive wheel known as society,

Tam: and each of us is an irreplaceable part of the world.

Cle: Oh, it works now. Thank you so much.

Tam: No problem. Machines can be sensitive.

Tam: There will be both good times and bad,

Tam: but please keep working hard at your job, okay?

Ymz: Okay!

Ymz: I'll do my best!

Title: An Inspector's Love Begins with an Inspection

Ymz: Observation report, day ten.

Ymz: Odd Jobs is the same as ever,

Ymz: and Tama-san is as lovely as ever, too.

Ymz: Ever since then, I've been finding my eyes glued to her all the time.

Ymz: I hated this stakeout mission, but now I can't tear myself away.

Day,Sign: Day

Ymz: Day twelve.

Ymz: No changes in Odd Jobs or Tama-san's beauty today, either.

Ymz: Ah, Tama-san...

Ymz: It looks like I've become an inspector of you, and you alone.

Day,Sign: Day

Ymz: Day fifteen.

Ymz: No changes in Tama-san's beauty today, either.

Ymz: Ah, Tama-san...

Ymz: I wanna arrest your eyes!

Day,Sign: Day

Ymz: Day twenty.

Ymz: Ah, Tama-san...

Ymz: Where did you come from? Where are you headed?

Day,Sign: Day

Ymz: Day twenty-five.

Ymz: Ah, Tama-san! Wherefore art thou, Tama-san?

Day,Sign: Day

Ymz: Day thirty.

Ymz: Ah, my T—

Ymz: ...esticles!

Day,Sign: Day

Ymz: Day thirty-five.

Ymz: Tama-san.

Tama,: Tama-san

Ymz: Tama-san...

Ymz: Tama-san!

Kon: What the hell is this?!

Kon: What's wrong with him?!

Kon: He's not doing his job at all!

Kon: Halfway through this report, he's observing nothing but Tama-san and his testicles!

Hij: Kondo-san...

Hij: Maybe we should quit being cops, and start up a prep school for stalkers instead.

Kon: Don't put me in the same class as him!

Kon: My stalking isn't that psychotic!

Hij: This isn't even a stakeout now.

Hij: You should put a ban on relationships so our squad stays on their toes.

Kon: Why're you trying to ruin my love at the same time?

Hij: Deal with this yourself, then.

Hij: As fellow stalkers, I'm sure you can understand each other.

Kon: H-Hang on, Toshi!

Kon: Are you telling me to interfere in his romance?

Kon: Not happening!

Kon: I mean, he might cast black magic on me!

Kon: He'll use the Whack spell!

Kon: Hey, Toshi!

Snack,: Snack Otose

Oto: Tama, light up the sign outside.

Tama: Sure.

Ymz: What am I even doing?

Ymz: I have to talk to her.

Ymz: I have to tell her that her words gave me strength, and thank her!

Ymz: But then what?

Ymz: I don't know anything about her.

Ymz: No!

Ymz: I cannot pretend to be a mere spectator any longer!

Tam: Oh, welcome.

Oki: Is the boss here?

Tam: Yes.

Ymz: Captain Okita?

Ymz: What's he doing here?

Ymz: Did he just say "boss"? Is he meeting him?

Ymz: H-He knows!

Ymz: He's the last demon on Earth I wanted to know about this!

Oki: Now that I'm here, expect smooth sailing.

Ymz: Wait a sec! What are you trying to pull?!

Ymz: I've never seen a wink that bloodshot before!

Ymz: Forget smooth sailing, he's gonna put me on a boat made of tissues!

Ymz: He's gonna sink me and make me an object of ridicule!

Gin: So, what do you want?

Oki: I'll cut right to the chase.

Oki: Could you let our Yamazaki **** your robot girl over there?

Ymz: Forget the boat made of tissues, he wrapped a mat around me and dumped me in the ocean!

Gin: What? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oki: Y'know, the birds and the bees and all that.

Ymz: That wasn't his point!

Oki: You see, Yamazaki's been rather pent up lately, and it's affecting his work.

Ymz: Well, yeah, but couldn't you have worded that better?!

Oki: So we were hoping to borrow that sex toy of yours.

Ymz: Who're you calling a sex toy?!

Oto: Now, listen, you!

Oto: What do you think our girl is?!

Oki: A blow-up doll, right?

Ymz: Someone should blow you a clue!

Kag: What do you take us for?!

Kag: We'd never hand our poster girl over to the likes of you!

Shin: Does this mean Yamazaki-san is interested in Tama-san?

Ymz: S-Stop that, Shinpachi-kun! You're making me blush!

Oki: I brought a copy of his love letter, just in case.

Oki: I think you'll understand once you read it.

Ymz: That's no love letter!

Shin: Whoa! What is this?

Ymz: It's creeping them out!

Gin: Hang on, Okita-kun. This...

Ymz: And now they'll know I was staking them out!

Gin: Who's Yamazaki?

Ymz: That's what you take issue with?!

Gin: Is it the guy with the V-shaped hair?

Ymz: That's the vice chief! How short-lasting an impression did he leave on him?!

Tam: The event described here is in my data.

Ymz: Tama-san! You remember it?

Anpan,Sign: Anpan

Tam: He's the guy who destroyed a bar code reader with a ton of anpan, the...

Blue,Sign: Anpan

Tam: enemy of machinekind.

Danger,Sign: Danger

Ymz: That's how she remembers me?!

Ymz: She even called me an enemy!

Gin: There you have it.

Gin: You heard the lady, so could you please leave?

Oki: Now, now. Here me out here.

Oki: As you can see in this mob letter...

Ymz: What's a mob letter?! A letter from an extra in the mob?!

Oki: The Shinsengumi have been keeping an eye on you lately,

Oki: and Hijikata-san is just waiting for a chance to arrest you.

Gin: Bring it on. I'd love to see you try.

Oki: Well, I'm sure duking it out with you would be fun,

Oki: but I can't stand the thought of things going according to Hijikata-san's plans.

Oki: As such, why don't we resolve this issue

Oki: by arranging a marriage meeting between Yamazaki and Tama-san?

Oki: By becoming relatives, the Shinsengumi and Odd Jobs can come to a settlement,

Oki: and you'll be cleared of all suspicion.

Oto: I won't allow this!

Oto: You can't just rush things along without asking the people involved how they feel.

Oto: Right, Tama?

Tam: I don't mind.

Oto: See—

What?!

Tam: I don't mind becoming a tool if it will bring the two groups together.

Tam: A machine would love nothing more than to be of use to people.

Ymz: Wait, this is making me look like the bad guy.

Kag: Tama!

Kag: Don't be hasty!

Kag: Who cares if this moron gets arrested?

Shin: Yeah!

Shin: We'll never let that plain guy have you!

Kag: How low could he get?

Shin: That monster.

Kag: Scumbag!

Ymz: I've been reduced to a scumbag!

Gin: But, well, if she's okay with it, we can't complain.

Gin: As her guardians, I suppose we can at least join you for a nice restaurant meal.

Gin: Oh, and you're picking up the tab.

Oki: I'm perfectly okay with that.

Oki: Even if he screws it up, Yamazaki will owe me for life.

Ymz: The real scumbags are right here!

Kag: Never show your face again, you scoundrel!

Kag: And you'd better prepare a feast!

Tam: I'd like some high-grade oil, too, please.

Snack ,: Snack Otose

Oki: Well, I set the stage.

Oki: The rest is up to you.

Ymz: What are you talking about?!

Ymz: What has he done?

Ymz: I've totally become the bad guy here.

Ymz: She hates me.

Ymz: But wait...

Ymz: Maybe I've got no right to complain.

Ymz: It's not that I remained a spectator because I was an inspector...

Ymz: I chose to remain one out of my fear of failure.

Ymz: I need to make my move.

Ymz: I have to grab hold of my life,

Ymz: and her heart, with my own hands!

Ymz: I'll turn this crisis into an opportunity.

Ymz: It's time for my stakeout to end!

Gin: Hello. Quite the auspicious day today...

Hij: Uh, I have a question.

Gin: What is it?

Families,Sign: The Shinsengumi and Odd Jobs Families

Hij: Why is this happening?

Gin: Beats me.

Hij: Don't give me that!

Hij: Why do we have to have a marriage meeting with you chumps?

Gin: Right back at you.

Gin: You're the ones who came with this proposal.

Hij: Hey, Sougo! What's the meaning of this?

Hij: I thought I told you to deal with Yamazaki's stupid make-believe romance.

Oki: Don't ask me.

Oki: I was told to make Yamazaki focus on his work,

Oki: so I thought he'd settle down if he settled down with a woman.

Hij: How did you reach that conclusion?

Hij: What's the point of marrying into the house you're staking out?

Kon: Calm down, Toshi.

Kon: Think of it as an undercover investigation.

Kon: If he sneaks into their private lives as an in-law,

Kon: it'll be easier to get his hands on intel.

Kon: And if it comes down to it, I'll jump into Otae-san's private life and back him up.

Hij: What you really want to jump into are her private parts !

Gin: What are you grumbling about over there?

Gin: Where's the food and drink?

Gin: You know, we took time out of our busy schedules to be here

Gin: because you begged for our poster girl.

Gin: Honey, we can't give our girl away to these rude people, right?

Kag: I'm amazed these lowly civil servants had the gall to make a pass at her.

Hij: Real funny, coming from people always in the red!

Hij: You should be grateful for the chance to have a marriage meeting with civil servants!

Kag: Dear, was that slang just now?

Kag: It was so crude, I couldn't quite catch it.

Gin: Get us an interpreter!

Gin: We need someone well-versed in Chinese mafia jargon.

Hij: Who're you calling Chinese mafia?!

Ymz: I knew it. The chaperones are fighting already.

Ymz: If I leave it to them, this meeting will definitely end in failure.

Ymz: I'm the only one I can trust.

Ymz: No matter what,

Ymz: I must capture Tama-san's heart!

Tam: I'm Tama.

Tam: Pleased to meet you.

Yzk: Y-Y-Yamazaki Sagaru here.

Yzk: P-P-Pleased to meet you, too!

Kon: Wow, what a pretty young lady!

Kon: You've got one keen eye, Yamazaki.

Ymz: Incidentally, Chief, have you seen my right eye? I seem to have lost it.

Gin: She's our pride and joy, the girl we raised with great care, after all.

Gin: That aside, is your Yamazaki-san here yet?

Ymz: I'm already here.

Kag: Excuse me, waiter. Will the food be here soon?

Ymz: I'm not a waiter!

Kag: Oh, so the food was already here.

Kag: Dear, here's some Plain Joe Bloodied Saute.

Ymz: I'm not food, either!

Shin: Yamazaki-san, I heard that you're the straight man in the Shinsengumi.

Shin: Can't you be a bit louder?

Shin: Thirty points.

Ymz: What are you grading me on, Shinpachi-kun?

Shin: Is that all you have?

Shin: If it were me, I'd have retorted with, "That's rich, coming from a guy who's

Shin: neglecting his straight man routine."

Kag: This is what you can expect from a by-the-book public official.

Ymz: What's with them?

Ymz: Their hostility is clear as day.

Ymz: They're totally trying to sabotage me.

Ymz: I need to get it together.

Ymz: Damn it. I can't see through all the blood.

Tam: Use this, if you'd like.

T-Tama-san!

Tam: Are you all right?

Tam: Should we call an ambulance?

Ymz: N-No, I'm fine.

Ymz: Thank you.

Ymz: She really is a wonderful person.

Ymz: She shows kindness, unlike the other Gintama girls.

Ymz: That's why I fell in—

Hij: Shouldn't you have offered a handkerchief and not tissues there?

Hij: It would've helped stop the bleeding, too.

Hij: That's weird. I heard she was a considerate robot maid, but that was points at best.

Ymz: Why are you grading things, too?

Hij: Our job makes us prone to lots of open wounds.

Hij: We need someone capable of dealing with them swiftly and efficiently.

Hij: I think there were better options there, like asking a waiter for a first aid kit.

Ymz: What's with this petty competition?!

Ymz: Vice Chief, quit treating this like some kind of feud between mother-in-laws!

Gin: Excuse me, waiter.

Gin: That guy with the V-shaped hair seems to have hit his head.

Ymz: I told you, I'm not a waiter! And I'm the one with the head injury!

Shin: Maybe you should've let Hijikata-san handle that retort.

Ymz: Quit making things so complicated!

Families,Sign: k*ll k*ll k*ll k*ll

Oki: Hijikata-san, you should've followed that up and made it a double retort.

Oki: You're holding us back.

Hij: Who are you even grading?!

Gin: What are you on about? Do you have a problem with our girl?

Hij: What about you? Got a problem with our boy?

Ymz: There's so much tension in the air.

Ymz: This is not how marriage meetings are supposed to go!

Kon: There, there.

Kon: Calm down!

W: Thank you for waiting.

Kon: Oh, the food's here, everyone!

Ymz: This is my chance. I need to change the topic.

Ymz: C-Come to think of it, Tama-san, I saw you out shopping before.

Ymz: Do you cook?

Tam: I'm a robot maid, so I can handle most housework.

Kon: Is that so? What a capable young lady.

Ymz: I know, right?

Ymz: Great. The tide has turned.

Hij: Isn't that the least a robot should be capable of?

Hij: That's the type that only knows how to make meat and potato stew.

Ymz: Crap, he butted in.

Tam: What do the people of the Shinsengumi normally eat?

Ymz: We have a mess hall at the station,

Ymz: but the food isn't very good, so we keep going out to eat ramen.

Gin: Oh, boy. There it is.

Gin: After this, he's definitely gonna go,

Gin: "I wanna eat your cooking, Tama-san."

Kag: What? How clichéd!

Ymz: Like I said, quit making things complicated!

Shin: You already used the "complicated" retort earlier.

Shin: No vocabulary, then.

Ymz: How did you read my mind?!

Kon: Now we can't use the "I wanna eat your cooking" line.

Oki: Oh, well.

Oki: Skip a few steps and go with "I wanna eat you" instead.

Ymz: That's skipping too many steps! What kind of irresponsible advice is that?!

Ymz: They completely cut off my conversation.

Ymz: And I'd just found an opening, too.

Tam: But that means you have a very unbalanced diet.

Tam: If you'd like, please come to our place.

Tam: I'll cook for you.

Ymz: Tama-san!

Ymz: She brought up the topic herself! She's so considerate!

Ymz: R-Really?

Tam: Yes. I always keep nutrition in mind while cooking,

Tam: so I'm sure it'll make you feel better.

Ymz: Ah, Tama-san!

Ymz: In this maelstrom of malice, you are my only ray of hope!

Kon: Way to go, Yamazaki!

Ymz: I did it!

Ymz: My heart is overflowing with so much emotion, I can't eat anything right now.

Gin: Then we'll help ourselves.

Ymz: I was speaking figuratively!

Gin: How about it, Tama?

Gin: Why not treat them to your cooking right here and now?

Ymz: What? You can cook right here?

Tam: Well, yes.

Tam: I've already made preparations for dinner.

Ymz: I-I'd love to try it!

Ymz: This is like a dream come true!

Ymz: I never imagined I'd get to eat Tama-san's cooking so soon!

Ymz: What will she—

Gin: Oh, don't worry.

Gin: Our Tama takes ingredients into her body, and cooks internally.

Gin: Your worst fears won't come true, so don't worry.

Tam: I-It's done.

Tam: Help yourselves to some monja.

Gin: Monja, huh?

Gin: Looks delicious.

Tam: It looks better than usual today.

Tam: Did you do your best for Yamazaki-san?

Gin: Come, now. Stop teasing her, honey.

Tam: Feel free to dig in.

Ymz: O-Okay.

Ymz: Wait...

Ymz: Tama-san, is this really monja?

Monja,Sign: It's monja.

Ymz: It's monja, huh?

Ymz: Wait. Is it?

Monja,Sign: It's monja.

Ymz: Oh, okay. It's monja.

Ymz: Is it monja?

Ymz: Wait, was monja always such a mass of mosaics?

Monja,Sign: It's monja.

Tam: What's wrong?

Tam: Do you have an upset stomach?

Ymz: No, no, no!

Ymz: I just thought I should etch this sight into my memories.

Ymz: Hey! I'm gonna end up hurting Tama-san!

Ymz: Calm down.

Ymz: Monja always looks kinda weird, anyway.

Ymz: It's all right.

Ymz: Tama-san would never do something like that.

Ymz: But my spatula's not moving!

Ymz: S-Somebody help!

Hij: Hang on a second.

Hij: Don't be offering us garbage like this.

Ymz: Vice Chief!

Hij: There's no mayonnaise on it.

Ymz: That's not the problem!

Ymz: I know.

Ymz: I-It'd be a waste to eat this all by myself.

Ymz: Let's all share—

B: It's okay. We made our own.

Ymz: Hey, that's sympathy puke!

Tam: Yamazaki-san?

Tam: Do you not like it after all?

Ymz: No, that's not it!

Ymz: I feel like it's too good for me.

Ymz: Oh, I know. Can I take it home with me?

Ymz: I'd like to take my time to relish the taste.

Gin: If you like it so much, take this with you, too.

Ymz: In the end, all of you guys are sympathy puking!

Ymz: What am I, the guy who has to take out the trash?

Shin: Yamazaki-san,

Shin: you should've sympathy puked in the middle of your reto—

Ymz: Okay, that's it! You're totally puking, aren't you?!

Tam: I'll go get some fresh air.

Gin: Well, we should get out of the way and leave the young 'uns to it.

Ymz: You decide to do this now ?!

Ymz: You really have done nothing but get in the way!

Ymz: Tama-san, where are you?

Ymz: Tama-san!

Ymz: This is the worst.

Ymz: Forget capturing her heart. This turned into a disaster.

Ymz: No, that's not it.

Ymz: Capture her heart? Marriage meeting?

Ymz: In truth, none of that even mattered.

Ymz: All I needed to tell her was that her words back then gave me strength.

Ymz: And yet, I couldn't tell her something that simple.

Ymz: Not only that, I even hurt her.

Ymz: I really am such an idiot!

Tam: What are you doing here, Yamazaki-san?

Tam: You'll catch a cold.

Ymz: T-T-Tama-san!

Tam: I apologize for leaving such an important event midway through.

Tam: I remembered something important,

Tam: so I went to procure the ingredients.

Tam: Please wait one moment.

Ymz: H-Hey, Tama-san?

Tam: I don't know if it's any good,

Tam: but this is what you wanted, right?

Tam: Anpan and you really are a good fit.

Tam: A guardian protecting our society, unbeknownst to all.

Tam: The world may not take note of your efforts,

Tam: but please remember that someone, somewhere, is watching you.

Tam: Yamazaki-san?

Tam: Did I do something wrong again?

Ymz: Not at all.

Ymz: Thank you, Tama-san.

Ymz: I feel a lot better.

Thank goodness.

Tam: Shall we head back, then?

Ymz: Nah.

Ymz: It's all right.

Ymz: I got what I came here for.

Tam: But what about the relationship between Gintoki-sama and the Shinsengumi?

Ymz: No need to worry.

Ymz: Inspector Yamazaki Sagaru will keep an eye on the Shinsengumi for you.

Tam: Keep working hard at your job, okay?

Ymz: Okay!

Ymz: U-Uh...

Ymz: I made you some monjayaki in return...

Sign: Forget Dates, Remember People You Can Hide Your Porn Mags, But You Can't Hide Your ***

B: Gin-san!

Sei: History lessons!

Shin: How to hide your porn mags!

B: Teach us how!

Sign r: The next episode is an academic (?) two-parter.

Sign l: History lessons and how to hide your porn mags.

Sign r: Watch it, 'cause it will definitely come in handy someday.

Sign l: ...Maybe