05x29 - It Would Take Too Much Effort to Make This Title Sound Like a Text Message Subject

[bunniefuu]

Kagura is broke, which is why she doesn't have a cell phone! But she wants to join in the text messaging fun!

Kagura manages to get her hands on a cell phone and makes an unexpected text pal!!

Mari So, that show was the best!

Kagura Yep, Kadono Takuzo did a great job as the boyfriend.

Mari Kagura-chan, that's a different show.

Saki Maybe I should watch it.

Saki But I want to start from the beginning.

Mari We can watch it together at my house.

Mari I recorded all the episodes.

Kagura Yes!

Kagura I can eat all the Happy Turns I want at Marippe's place!

Mari That's what you're interested in?

Mari I'll text you once I find out which day will work.

Kagura Text?

Mari Oh, Kagura-chan doesn't have a cell phone.

Mari I'll let you know in person once I get her text.

Saki Bye, Kagura-chan, Marippe.

Mari Saki-chan, text me your opinion of the show after you watch it.

It Would Take Too Much Effort to Make This Title Sound Like a Text Message Subject

Kagura Sadaemon!

Kagura Listen!

Kagura Giako and Suneko were showing off their cell phones!

Kagura These days, even babies are born with cell phonesdangling from their umbilical cords!

Kagura You never learn, Kagura-chan.

Kagura Cell phones are useful, especially at work,

Kagura but you'll need to check Gin-chan's four-dimensional pouch.

Kagura But I can't just ask him directly.

Kagura It would be so much easier if I could just text him.

Gin You don't need texting when you canunderstand each other through your hearts.

Gin I'm sure you can understand how hard a cell phone is on the wallet.

Gin So shut that foul mouth of yours and sleep in the closet with me.

Kagura Don't be fooled, Kagura-chan.

Kagura Someone hacked into me and took control.

Gin You can drop the act now.

Gin Who sent you?

Gin Are you a spy from the Steel Troops?

Kagura Hey, don't say that! Riruru is our friend!

Shin Can't you talk to each other directly?!

Shin Why are you going through this convoluted process?!

Shin If you have something to say, say it to his face!

Kagura Mama, listen!

Shin Who's your mama?!

Shin Though my face is kind of similar!

Kagura We're the only ones who don't have cell phones!

Kagura At this rate, Odd Jobs will fall behind the times!

Shin Did you hear that?

Gin Enough of that!

Gin Our bamboo-copter is running on fumesafter paying for you and Sadademon's food.

Gin I don't need a cell phone to know how everyone feels.

Gin For example, Sadaemon wants to poop right now.

Gin And Mama read my mind and prepared a newspaper.

Gin So we don't need cell phones!

Kagura That's just a daily practice!

Gin If you insist on being selfish,

Gin you can use the Anywhere Door to join a family anywhere else!

Kagura Shut up!

Kagura I'll use the Air Cannon to knock off that funny hair!

Gin See? You know what I'm thinking!

Gin I was getting sick of this round hair!

Shin Uh, something's come out...

Kagura Sadaemon, drag stupid Papa into your four-dimensional pocket!

Both Huh?

Shin ...of Sadaemon's four-dimensional pocket.

Shin Cell phones...

Doll House

Gengai I checked the data,

Gengai but the phones were busted to begin with, so I can't identify the owners.

Gengai The addresses were all changed to ne.jpuripuri.

Gin Well, they were covered in poop.

Shin Uh, why would that change the addresses?

Kagura So? Can we use them now?

Gengai You can't make calls.

Gengai The phone will add a puripuri to the end of everything you say.

Shin Isn't that more impressive than a working cell phone?!

Gengai You only have enough money for me to fix the texting function.

Kagura Yay!

Kagura Thanks, Gramps!

Kagura Thanks, Sadaemon!

Gin I don't want to carry around a cell phone that was covered in poop.

Kagura Humans are always carrying around poop.

Kagura The only difference is that it'll be in your hand instead of inside your body.

Kagura Give me those.

Odd Jobs

Kagura That should do it.

Kagura Now, we'll always be together, no matter where we go.

Kagura You have to carry this everywhere, okay?

Kagura Promise.

Kagura If you get lonely, you can text me!

Gin Man, why is someone calling me this early?

Kagura Good morning. It's a beautiful morning.

Gin What? It's already morning...?

Kagura Good night. Sweet dreams.

Bathroom

Kagura Good morning. Your poop is very smooth today.

Shin Okay, I locked the door today...

Shin Huh?

Kagura Good morning. Your poop is even smoother today.

Gin There it is! That's the cat!

Gin I'll circle around!

Gin You kids stay on its tail!

Shin Kagura-chan!

Gin Hey! Are you okay?!

Kagura I'm okay.

Snack Otose

Kagura Could you pass me the Kleenex?

Kagura Does this come in an M?

Kagura That M is for Michael.

Kagura Not that Michael. Michael Douglas.

Both Talk to our faces!

Gin Why do you have to text every little stupid thing?!

Shin And she's not even talking to us?!

Shin She's talking to a clerk in some clothing store!

Kagura No, this isn't a clothing store. It's a Michael store.

Gin Hey!

Both Cut it out!

Gin Who cares if it's M or Michael?!

Otose This is a surprise.

Otose I wouldn't have expected her to be so enthusiastic about a cell phone.

Gin This is more than being enthusiastic!

Gin She sends us pointless updates every five minutes!

Gin I'm sick of it!

Cath Girls love to chitchat through letters and the like.

Cath When I was in school...

A Pass this to Catherine.

Challenge

Shin How long ago was this?!

Shin And did everyone hate you?!

Tama Sometimes, it's easier to say things througha written medium than talking face-to-face.

Tama This may be the real Kagura-sama.

Tama Are you replying to her?

Gin We can't do that.

Gin She's using text messages to talk to us now.

Tama It's possible that she keeps sendingtexts because she's waiting for a reply.

Otose Men always act cool and never say what needs to be said.

Otose They expect other people to know how they feel.

Otose But sometimes, women just want to hear those words.

Otose Just send her a nice text.

Otose Here, this is your chance!

Cath Answer the phone!

Cath Respond with, "I'm actually a pedo!"

Gin I'll k*ll you, you rotten banana!

Gin Shinpachi, it's all yours.

Shin Gi-Gin-san!

Otose Well? What did it say?

Cath Move it, hag!

Cath I want to see!

Shin Hey, don't look at my phone!

Cath Hmm? Where are you right now?

Tama Wasn't she here just a moment ago? Why is she asking this?

Shin Huh? Now there's a text from Gin-san.

Gin Shut up! I'm at a pachinko-

Otose It's cut off.

Otose Was he replying to Kagura-chan?

Shin He accidentally hit reply to all.

Shin And he wrote his message in the subject.

Otose So he's actually replying to Kagura.

Cath Your wallpaper is gross!

Shin Shut up!

Shin Rotten banana on the ground!

You have a new message.

Tama Oh, there's another one.

Where are you right now?

Cath It's the same message again.

Cath Wait, is something wrong?

Shin Huh? I just noticed...

Shin This isn't from Kagura-chan...

Shin Who sent this?

Return the cell phone.

Shin Tell me where you are at once.

Shin If you leak the information in those phones, you're dead.

Shin It's from the owner of this phone!

Otose They're threatening to k*ll you...

Otose It must be someone dangerous.

Cath What kind of information is in this phone?!

Shin I don't know!

Shin Gengai-san said that the phones were busted and there wasn't any data left!

Tama In any case, you should contact Gintoki-sama and Kagura-sama.

Shin It's from Gin-san!

Shin Did they find him already?!

Gin Shut up! I'm at a pachinko

Gin parlor playing with balls!

Shin He's picking up from where his message cut off!

Shin What is he doing?!

Shin He just gave away his location to everyone!

Tama That means the owner will head straight to the parlor?

Shin Of course not!

Tama Oh, there's another text.

Shin It must be from the owner!

Otose Look at the message.

Shin I don't want to!

Shin Catherine-san, you look!

Cath Screw that! Aren't you a man?!

Cath Answer the phone, hag!

Otose Who are you calling a man?!

Shin Tama-san!

Otose Wh-What does it say?

From Kyubei

Kyu You're playing with balls?

Shin Somebody completely different joined the conversation!

Did you come out of the closet?

Kyu Are you going to have an operation?

Kyu Can I have yours?

Kyu We need to talk.

Kyu Please reply.

Shin What is she talking about?!

Shin What does she want to do?!

Tama There are more messages.

From Saigo

Saigo Welcome. I'm glad to hear that.

Saigo Tell Pako that he can become No. at my place.

Shin This has turned into a completely differentconversation in a completely different world.

From Tojo

Tojo What a coincidence.

Tojo I was also playing with balls.

Shin And this guy is in his own little world!

Shin Ah...

From ZuraSub It's not Zura, it's Katsura

Zura It appears that you're having trouble...

Shin Katsura-san!

Zura However, I assure you that I can ease your pain.

Shin Is he going to help us?!

The Perfect Happiness TheoryThe Joi Patriot Happiness Doctrine

Zura Join the Joi patriots and find happiness.

Zura We have a testimonial from Mrs. E who was able to find her happiness.

Mrs. E

E I didn't think it would be so easy to become a Joi patriot.

Katsura The Joi will help find your joy.

Shin It's just spam!

Shin And they're getting worse!

Shin Damn! This will never end!

Otose Hey, Shinpachi!

Kagura Gin-chan, I made a new text pal.

Shin Damn! Damn!

Shin Why aren't they replying?!

Shin What are they doing?!

Kagura I'm about to meet my new text pal.

Kagura I can't wait.

Kagura I'll introduce you some time.

Shin Kagura-chan!

Shin Whew, she finally saw my mail!

Kagura I'm meeting with my text pal offline.

Kagura He's a very nice person!

Kagura Death Cancer-san is also eager to meet you guys.

Shin Uh, that's not a text pal!

Shin I guarantee it!

Shin There's nothing peaceful about his peace sign!

Shin His name is Death Cancer!

Shin He got to her first!

Shin This isn't an offline meeting!Kagura-chan's been taken hostage!

Cancer Your buddy is in my hands.

Cancer Bring the cell phones to the family restaurant on nd within minutes.

Shin It's the owner!

Cancer You have minutes.

Cancer No one has stood before my Death Cancer (claws of death)for minutes and survived.

Cancer I'm sure you know what will happen if you're late. (m*rder.)

Shin This is bad!

Shin This guy is obviously one of those people!

Shin He's using emoticons I've never seen before!

Shin I've never seen anyone go (m*rder) before!

Shin That settles it.

Shin This guy must be an assassin of some kind!

Shin W-We've picked up some unbelievable cell phones!

Shin Gin-san!

Shin He must have realized the danger we're in after seeing that text!

Gin Sorry, I'm at a pachinko

Gin parlor playing with balls real good.

Gin Could you give me ten more minutes?

Shin He still doesn't know how to use a cell phone!

Shin And he's still playing pachinko?!

Shin Doesn't he care about us?!

From Death Cancer

Death What do you mean, real good? (m*rder.)

Shin This is really bad!

Shin He's mad! It says (m*rder)!

Gin I'm doing so well it's like the pachinko

Gin goddess of balls has blessed me!

Gin My balls are on a high!

Gin I can't stop! Can't stop!

Shin It's a miracle how his texts can sound so wrong!

Shin Stop it! Stop antagonizing him!

From Death Cancer

Death No one has stood before my Death Cancer (claws of death)for minutes and survived.

Death Are you somewhere I can reach within ten minutes? (Must.)

Shin Hey! He wants to go to him now!

Shin And now it's a (Must)!

Gin Can you come to me?

Gin The name of the place is Fever.

Pachinko Fever

Shin You shouldn't tell him that!

Shin Run away! Gin-san, run away!

Kagura We're meeting up

Kagura somewhere different.

Kagura Hurry up, Shinpachi!

Balls Fever

Shin That's the wrong place!

Shin He's got it wrong!

Shin We sent Death Cancer to the wrong place!

From Death Cancer

Death You lied to me.

Shin He's really mad in this message!

Death There are only minute and minute options.

Death There isn't a minute option. (m*rder.)

Shin That's why he's mad?!

Shin He would rather take the minute option?!

From Death Cancer

Death No matter then.

Death I'll be finished in minutes, so we can meet up again in minutes.

Shin So you're off to your fever?!

Shin Why did he even come here?!

Shin Doesn't he want his cell phones back?!

Shin Oh, that's right!

Shin This is my chance to tell Kagura-chan to run away!

Kagura Looks like we're still meeting

Kagura up at the same time.

Shin Ten minutes?! He didn't even last seconds!

Shin How fast is this guy?!

From Death Cancer

Death No one has stood before my Death Cancer (claws of death)for minutes and survived.

Shin Your Death Cancer is the one that couldn't survive!

Shin Stop posing!

Gin That's the wrong place.

Gin Kagura, show him the way.

Gin It's the place on the corner of rd where I'm always playing with balls.

Pachinko Fever

Shin You don't have to tell him this!

Kagura You mean here?

Shin Nobody told you to smash his balls into a corner!

Shin Hey! Is Death Cancer-san okay!

From Holy CancerSub (claws of hope)

Holy I feel like I just woke up from a very long nightmare.

Shin Who are you?!

Shin You're a completely different person, Holy Cancer!

Shin He's become enlightened after his balls were smashed!

Holy Forgive me... I just wanted my cell phones back.

Holy You see, those three cell phones

Holy each hold memories I can't forget...

Holy No, they hold memories I should never forget.

Shin Uh, shouldn't you tell us this after we meet up?

Holy I may sound eloquent over the phone,

Holy but I'm actually a shy man who canbarely look another person in the eye,

Holy much less talk to someone face-to-face.

Holy It must have been a twist of fatethat I ended up marrying such a talkative woman.

Shin He's doing a flashback through a text message!

Shin What's going on?!

Shin And you were a a barber?!

Holy I worked as a barber,but I kept losing customers because I never talked much.

Shin I don't think that's why you lost customers.

Holy That was when my wife gave me a cell phone.

Holy She thought that I might be ableto speak through words, through a text message.

Wife The silent artist thing works,

Wife but you should learn to joke in front of your wife.

Death I-I'm too old to fool around with that text messaging nonsense.

Wife Yet you're still wearing those claws of yours.

Death The words which brought a rare smile to my wife's face

Death ended up being my last words to her.

Holy Those cell phones are filled with the words I was never able to say to her.

Holy They will never reach her,

Holy but they are still precious to me.

Death I went to a cabaret club today!

Death I went to a pink salon today!

Death I think I'll go all the way to Yoshiwara today!

Both Your messages are stupid!

Gin How could you send these dirty texts to heaven?!

Holy You've got it wrong.

Holy I was searching for heaven, so I could reach my wife.

Shin You're headed straight to hell!

Holy Those cell phones are priceless.

Holy Could you please return them?

Gin T-Texting is a pain in the ass anyway.

Shin We're not cut out for this high-tech stuff.

Holy R-Really?!

Holy Thank you so much!

Odd Jobs

Kagura Now, we'll always be together, no matter where we go.

Shin Come on, Kagura-chan.

Kagura No way.

Shin Kagura-chan...

Kagura I haven't received a text message yet.

Kagura That couple is connected, even though they're far apart.

Kagura Unlike us.

Kagura Stop dwelling in the past, stupid old man!

Kagura We're the ones who aren't able to say what we need to!

Message Sent

Kagura Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Shin Wait, Kagura-chan!

Shin Kagura-chan!

Odd Jobs

Holy I appreciate you coming to her third anniversary.

Gin We were brought together for a reason.

Gin Well, the reason involved poop.

Shin Anyway, I'm sorry.

Shin Kagura-chan still has that phone.

Shin I'll make sure that she returns it.

Holy It's okay.

Holy She helped me realize something.

Holy I wasn't doing it for my wife's sake.

Holy I was trying to make myself feel better.

Holy I'll stop sending text messages to myself.

Holy I'm sure that my wife was hopingI would learn to speak with friends face-to-face.

Holy So I'll send the one final message that I've always wanted to send,

Holy and that will be that.

Holy Okay, I've said my goodbyes.

Holy Take good care of them.

Shin Huh?

Holy Please use them.

Holy Men always think that words aren't necessary to express how you feel,

Holy but in the end, you're left regretting

Default ,how you were never able to say those things.

Holy I don't want you to end up that way.

Gin Sorry, but we can't accept these.

Holy Huh?

Gin These gizmos are too small to express our twisted feelings.

Gin We're meant to communicate outside the network.

Gin Besides, you aren't finished with those yet.

Gin Your wife hasn't responded yet.

Holy Wh-What are you saying?

Holy She can't respond to me...

Gin That's the power of a text from Holy Cancer.

Shin It's not that strange for a text message to make it up to heaven.

Holy I see...

Holy My last message reached her...

Wife I should be thanking you.

Wife Have fun with your friends.

Holy When did she start using emotes?

Kagura Did it reach heaven?

Gin Beats me.

Gin If you got the message through to an idiot,

Gin you probably got it through to heaven.

Holy I suppose that they don't need these.

Gin Hey, why are you grinning?

Gin It's creeping me out.

Shin No kidding.

Kagura It's nothing.

When You Go To A Funeral For the First Time, You're Surprised By How Happy the People Are

Toshi Next time

Toshi When you go to a funeral for the first time,

Toshi you're surprised by how happy the people are.

The owner of the restaurant Gintoki and Hijikata frequent has sadly passed away.

No more special mayonnaise on rice or Uji Kintoki on rice... As they say their farewells, they notice something odd about the owner?!