Matsu: Nakasaki, I heard you just had a kid.
Nakazaki: Uh, where did you hear that?
Matsu: Is it male or female?
Nakazaki: It's a girl.
Matsu: Maybe I should take her.
Nakazaki: P-Please don't...
Matsu: Girls become independent earlier than boys.
Matsu: It won't be long before she stops listening to you.
Nakazaki: Th-That won't happen with Fuko!
Nakazaki: I will raise her to be the biggest father lover in Japan!
Matsu: Yeah, that's the spirit.
Nakazaki: Th-This is...
Nakazaki: I-I can't accept this much money!
Matsu: It's not for you.
Matsu: I only spend money on fine women.
Matsu: Let her drink the finest milk you can find.
Nakazaki: Th-Thank you very much!
The Man's Household Situation is Hard, His Heart is Soft
Kuriko: How many times have I told you?!
Kuriko: Wash my underwear separately from Father's!
Zura: Forgive me, ma'am.
Kuriko: I'm going to wash them again myself!
Kuriko: Geez!
Zura: Oh, sir.
Zura: I'm terribly sorry.
Zura: I'll wash that again at once.
Matsu: Hm? Are you the new maid?
Matsu: What's your name?
On Screen,Caption: Ichihara
Matsu: Ichihara?
Matsu: What's your first name?
Matsu: Hayato? Etsuko?
Zura: It's not Etsuko, it's Ezurako.
Matsu: Your face looks familiar...
Zura: It's not Zura, it's Ezurako.
Matsu: Forget it.
Matsu: Be careful from now on.
Matsu: Do my laundry separate from Kuriko's.
Matsu: And make sure we don't eat at the same time.
Zura: It's not Zura, it's Ezurako.
Matsu: Yeah, just listen to my daughter. Got it,
Matsu: Ezurako?
Zura: It's not Ezurako, it's Katsura.
Matsu: What?
Zura: Oh, I made a mistake. It's Ezurako.
Matsu: Whatever. Just go.
Matsu: Oof.
Zura: The police commissioner, Katakuriko Matsudaira.
Zura: The man who is known as the Destroyer
to those who wish to disrupt the order of Edo.
Zura: The greatest foe of the Joi patriots.
Zura: In an attempt to uncover a scandal,
Zura: I've been working undercover at his home for a week.
Zura: My focus has shifted away from my inability to learn anything useful
Zura: to this peculiar loneliness I see.
Zura: Is this what it means to be a father?
Zura: If so, what is a father? What is a man?
Zura: Who does he fight for? Who is he trying to protect?
Kuriko: Um...
Kuriko: What are you doing, Ezurako-san?
Zura: I'm terribly sorry.
Zura: After working as a maid for so long,
I've picked up this habit of eavesdropping.
Kuriko: You also picked up the door.
Zura: Please let me know if I'm being a bother.
Zura: I also have a graffiti version and a mental AT Field version.
Kuriko: Please get rid of it.
Kuriko: You're making too much noise.
Kuriko: Um...
Kuriko: Sorry about yelling at you earlier.
Zura: It's okay. I didn't mind.
Kuriko: I said to get rid of that.
Kuriko: Did you think you could fool me?
Kuriko: Um, to make up for earlier,
Kuriko: some of my friends booked
Greater Edo Hills tomorrow for my birthday party.
Kuriko: Would you like to come?
Zura: Thank you very much.
Zura: Oh, will your father also be coming?
Kuriko: I would never invite him!
Kuriko: Besides, he wouldn't come if I did.
Kuriko: His birthday is very soon.
Kuriko: I'm sure he'll celebrate it
at the usual place with all those women.
Kuriko: It's always the same.
Kuriko: He uses his work as an excuse to avoid facing his family.
Kuriko: I refuse to call that coward my father.
Katsura: I wonder why...
Katsura: I am starting to feel concern for my greatest foe.
Katsura: Is it because Matsudaira's daughter was a nicer girl than I expected?
Katsura: Or because I didn't want to think that I've been
Katsura: crossing swords with a man who can't control his own family.
Katsura: Sir?
Katsura: Miss Kuriko's birthday party is tomorrow.
Katsura: You shouldn't be sleeping out here.
Matsu: Man, I'm gonna hurl...
Katsura: Miss Kuriko wanted you to come.
Matsu: You're going to Kuriko's birthday party, right?
Matsu: Give that to her.
Matsu: It'll make her happier that way.
Katsura: Are you trying to teach her how men
are foolish, weak, and underhanded?
Katsura: Is that your duty as a father?
Nakazaki: Ezurako-san, that's enough!
Nakazaki: And why are you walking around with that board?!
Matsu: It's fine, Nakasaki.
Matsu: I like a maid who's willing to speak her mind.
Matsu: But I'm not much of a father.
Matsu: Young people think that men grow wiser as
they get older, but it's not true.
Matsu: I'm just as stupid as I always was.
Matsu: Still the same old shy kid who can't bring myself to look
Matsu: my precious daughter in the face, or even talk to her.
Matsu: I'll leave this with you.
Zura: I was becoming more confused.
Zura: The man spoke openly of his own foolishness.
Zura: Was he a big shot, or just an idiot?
Matsu: F-Forgive me, dear!
Zura: Crafty or innocent?
Zura: And I was most confused by my own behavior.
A: Um, excuse me.
A: You're supposed to be dressed formally for this affair.
Zura: And that is what I did.
A: Um, only the left side is dressed formally.
A: And that's just a drawing.
Zura: Ah, you have a problem with me wearing a tuxedo?
Zura: Don't worry. I also brought a dress.
A: Um...
A: We're not supposed to let anyone suspicious in.
Zura: What about me would be considered suspicious?!
A: Everything.
Zura: How dare you insult me?!
Zura: Are celebrities so special?!
Zura: Your birthday party's probably nothing more than an **gy!
A: How can you say such a hateful thing?!
Zura: A sinful gathering where you wear masks
Zura: and put things on your sticks,and shove them into...
A: That's just a cheese fondue!
Zura: Don't say that so loudly here.
Zura: Have you no shame?!
A: You're the one who's having naughty thoughts
about a cheese fondue!
Nakazaki: Oh, sorry.
Nakazaki: She's with me.
Katsura: Ah, Nakasaki-san.
Nakazaki: I'm here in place of the commissioner.
Zura: I see...
Zura: So he isn't coming.
Kuriko: Ah! Ezurako-san! Nakasaki-san!
Kuriko: You came to the party!
Kuriko: I'm so happy!
Kuriko: Now come inside!
Nakazaki: What is this?!
Nakazaki: What's happening?!
Nakazaki: Did the system malfunction?!
Zura: No...
Zura: It's a t*rror1st attack.
On Screen,Caption: Incoming Call from Kuriko
Matsu: Hello?
Leader: Is this Katakuriko Matsudaira?
Leader: Your daughter's life is in our hands.
Leader: The Blues Crew has taken control of Greater Edo Hills.
Leader: If you value your daughter's life,
you'll listen to our demands.
Leader: Hey, can you hear me?
A: Is somebody in there?
A: That's weird. It sure stinks.
Matsu: Can't you let a man take a dump in peace?
Nakazaki: What?
Zura: That's...
Nakazaki: Th-The commissioner!
Zura: So he did come.
Nakazaki: What are you doing up there?!
Matsu: I appreciate it, Ezurako.
Matsu: Thanks to you, I won't be late.
Nakazaki: Wh-Where are you going, Commissioner?!
Zura: That was no longer the frail back
of an old man washing underwear.
Zura: That was the stalwart back of the Destroyer we feared.
Yamazaki: The hostages include the children of
various Bakufu officials along with Kuriko-chan.
Yamazaki: The Blues Crew must have learned about
this party and planned the attack.
Hijikata: I remember that some of their members were arrested
Hijikata: for plotting to assassinate the boss.
Yamazaki: They're demanding that those members be released.
Yamazaki: And they also want the boss's head.
Yamazaki: If we don't agree to their demands,
Yamazaki: they'll start k*lling a hostage every thirty minutes.
Hijikata: I'll go negotiate and try to buy us some time.
Hijikata: You guys need to find a way inside.
All: Yes, sir!
Hijikata: And Yamazaki,
Hijikata: did you get a hold of the boss?
Yamazaki: His phone's been busy the whole time.
Hijikata: Damn that old fart.
Hijikata: What's he doing?
Matsu: Hello? Ane-chan?
Matsu: Sorry.
Matsu: I won't be able to join you tonight.
Matsu: Right now? I'm in a duct.
Matsu: No, I didn't change careers.
Matsu: I'm devoted to you, Ane-chan.
Matsu: Oh, sorry. I got another call.
Matsu: My men are so annoying.
Matsu: Buh-bye.
Nakazaki: Ah, he finally answered the phone!
Nakazaki: Are you okay, Commissioner?!
Matsu: How many times did you call me, you fool?!
Matsu: Don't call my phone when I'm in t*rror1st territory.
Matsu: You're terrorizing my conversation with Ane-chan!
Nakazaki: You have no right to talk when you're
Nakazaki: calling female escorts while sneaking up on t*rrorists!
Matsu: I was just settling matters so the women left behind
in this cruel world don't grieve.
Matsu: When a man dies, everyone should be wearing pure white.
Matsu: I have fifty more girls to call, so hold on.
Nakazaki: It's too late to clean up your act!
Nakazaki: Your soul is completely black!
Nakazaki: Anyway, Hijikata-san and the other men will be entering the building soon.
Nakazaki: Don't do anything hasty.
Zura: No, we can't wait for them.
Nakazaki: Ezurako-san?
Zura: They've taken over the security system.
Zura: It won't be easy to approach the building.
Nakazaki: Huh? Then we shouldn't be here.
Zura: I put something in this car to jam their radar.
Zura: And I did the same thing to Matsudaira's present.
Nakazaki: You're...
Zura: I happen to be acquainted with Edo's top tinkerer.
Zura: In three hours, they'll begin executing hostages.
Matsu: In other words, I need to end their lives before they end mine.
Zura: Exactly.
Nakazaki: Ezurako-san!
Zura: But you won't be able to do it
by recklessly wandering around alone.
Zura: I'll assist you.
Matsu: I knew something was fishy.
Matsu: You're no ordinary maid.
Zura: I'm just an ordinary maid
Zura: who enjoys eavesdropping.
Leader: How are negotiations going?
A: It'll take a day to secure the release of our brethren.
Leader: They're obviously trying to buy time.
Leader: Tell them this.
Leader: We aren't giving them any more time.
A: Yes, sir.
Leader: And one more thing.
Leader: Tell them that Matsudaira's life is already ours,
Leader: though, technically, we still have to go
through the formality of taking it from him.
Leader: I didn't expect him to sneak in by himself to save his daughter.
Kuriko: H-He won't come!
Kuriko: He would never try to save me...
Leader: Don't make a fuss. You'll be seeing him real soon.
Leader: We'll have him tied up with a red ribbon.
Zura: Listen up. They're holed up in the
main control room on the top floor.
Zura: You're on the th floor.
Zura: Every floor from the th up is packed with guards.
Matsu: I see. So this marker on the th floor is me.
Matsu: Wait a moment!
Matsu: Why did you use this symbol for me?!
Zura: Don't get the wrong idea.
Zura: That's the tip of an ice cream cone.
Zura: And the three markers on the th floor are enemies.
Matsu: Why do they get cones when I don't?
Zura: Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to tell friend from foe.
Matsu: Give me a cone!
Matsu: I love to suck the last bit of ice cream out of the end of a cone.
Katsura: Fine, I'll put corn in your poop.
Matsu: I said cone, not corn!
Matsu: And you said poop. You just admitted that it's poop.
Nakazaki: Uh, does it really matter?!
Zura: In any case, you need to avoid those
Zura: ice cream cones as you make your way to the th floor.
Zura: Look carefully.
Zura: The tip of the ice cream is tipping left and right, yes?
Zura: The tip indicates the direction they're facing.
Zura: When the three tips are tipping in the same direction,
Zura: you should tip past them.
Nakazaki: That's too complicated!
Nakazaki: Why do you have to use the word tip so much?!
Nakazaki: Ah, hold on...
Nakazaki: There's an ice cream cone coming down!
Zura: What?! It's tipping like crazy!
Zura: Is it in a hurry?
Nakazaki: th floor... He didn't get off!
Nakazaki: Has he noticed that the commissioner's on the th floor?
Zura: Hide quick!
Nakazaki: Oh, no!
Nakazaki: Huh?!
Nakazaki: W-Wait!
Nakazaki: The ice cream cone split in two!
Zura: What's going on up there?
Matsu: A guy ran off somewhere.
Nakazaki: But the ice cream's still in the elevator!
Nakazaki: He just pooped his pants!
Zura: Apparently, both people and poop
are registered under the ice cream marker.
Nakazaki: Why is poop even registered on your scanner?!
Matsu: And why am I not registered as a human?!
Zura: He took the elevator down to find a bathroom,
Zura: but he couldn't hold it in and had to sparking!
Zura: Look.
Zura: The cone is becoming wet.
Zura: Is he wiping his ass?
Matsu: No, he's probably crying.
Zura: Wait, I thought that there were only enemies above you, but...
Nakazaki: It's mostly poop up there!
Zura: I can no longer tell which are human and which are poop.
Matsu: When I blew up that bathroom,I probably burst the water main.
Matsu: They can no longer take care of their business.
Nakazaki: Still, this is too many!
Zura: However, we can use this situation to our advantage.
Zura: Look!
Nakazaki: Th-This is...
Zura: They're all running down in search of clean restrooms!
Nakazaki: They really need to take a shit!
Zura: They're using the stairs.
Zura: This is your chance to take the elevator up!
Nakazaki: Hold on!
Nakazaki: The wet cone is racing to the elevator at a crazy speed!
Nakazaki: Did he notice the commissioner?
Zura: No, now that he's calmed down,
Zura: he's returning for his underwear so he can destroy the evidence.
Zura: Hurry, Matsudaira!
Zura: He made it in time.
Zura: Th-That's...!
Zura: He's hanging on to the bottom of the elevator!
Zura: He is dedicated to his underwear!
Zura: He really doesn't want anyone to find out!
Nakazaki: Commissioner! The cone is below you!
Nakazaki: And which one is the commissioner?!
Zura: Ah! The cone is using the pointy edge to try to break through!
Nakazaki: Uh, what pointy edge?
Nakazaki: That's just a marker!
Zura: What?!
Zura: He penetrated the poop!
Nakazaki: Wait, is that the commissioner?!
Nakazaki: Or is it the poop?!
Nakazaki: Which is it?!
Zura: He's trying to drag Matsudaira off!
Zura: Oh! Saved at the last second!
Nakazaki: How?!
Nakazaki: How can poop save him?!
Zura: Is that actually Matsudaira?
Zura: Ah! The cone con finally cornered himself and fell!
Nakazaki: Why was he trying so hard to protect a pair of dirty underwear?!
Zura: This is bad.
Zura: The Ice Cream g*ng has noticed that something is wrong!
Zura: When he makes it to the top, he'll be gunned down!
Nakazaki: They split up! What the hell?!
Nakazaki: How the hell are two turds moving around independently?!
Zura: It's going to draw their attention
so Matsudaira can make it to the top!
Nakazaki: It's just a pair of underwear with poop on it!
Nakazaki: How did it turn into the commissioner's partner?!
Nakazaki: Look!
Nakazaki: The Ice Cream g*ng is ignoring the
underwear and gathering on the th floor!
Nakazaki: No shit, Sherlock!
Nakazaki: He's completely trapped!
Hijikata: What?!
Zura: The ice cream cones are disappearing.
Nakazaki: This poop was actually the diversion...?
Matsu: Happy birthday to you.
Nakazaki: He really took out all of the t*rrorists by himself...
Zura: No, there's one cone left.
Matsu: Sorry about that.
Matsu: Your precious underwear and squad are all gone.
Leader: No, I should thank you.
Leader: No one will know now.
Leader: You're placing your duty as a cop over your duty as a father?!
Matsu: Well, you can't call yourself a father
Matsu: if you don't mind your daughter being used as a shield.
Matsu: But you can't even call yourself a man if you let
Matsu: someone who hurt your daughter walk away unscathed.
Matsu: A father's duty isn't much to speak of.
Matsu: Kids are raised fine by their mothers.
Matsu: As long as I'm bringing in money, I have no other use.
Matsu: All that's left is to praise her when she does something good,
Matsu: and scold her when she does something bad.
Matsu: That's about it.
Matsu: This fist represents my duty as a police commissioner
Matsu: and a lousy Edo dad.
Leader: That's...!
Leader: My...
Leader: My underwear is still around!
Matsu: The decoy was my own underwear.
Matsu: I have one thing to say to you as a father.
Matsu: Wash your own
Matsu: shitty underwear!
Zura: What a waste.
Zura: This was your chance to score some points with her.
Zura: She won't remember a thing.
Matsu: I'm fine with playing the role of a lousy dad
Matsu: since it's easy.
Zura: Open the box.
Zura: It's not your present.
Zura: I found it when I was cleaning your daughter's room.
Zura: She was probably going to give it to you if you showed up.
On Screen,Caption: Happy Birthday Father
Zura: Don't worry.
Zura: I left your present in its place.
Matsu: How is that supposed to make me feel better?
Matsu: A maid who goes into my daughter's room without permission
gets fired on the spot.
Matsu: Nakasaki!
Nakazaki: Yes, sir!
Matsu: Dump this rotten maid in a ditch.
Nakazaki: Understood.
Nakazaki: I'll dump the maid in a ditch where the police won't notice.
Matsu: Stop yapping and leave!
Nakazaki: Yes, sir!
Matsu: The next time we meet, you'll meet more than my fist, Katsura.
Zura: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Zura: The police commissioner, Katakuriko Matsudaira.
On Screen,Caption: Matsudaira
Zura: The greatest foe of the Joi patriots.
Maid: Stop that, sir!
Zura: It doesn't matter if he doesn't feel welcome in his own home.
Maid: I can do the laundry!
Zura: The world is his home.
Matsu: Forget it. I'll do this.
Zura: And so he goes off to work again.
Maid: Oh, Miss Kuriko.
Maid: That's a lovely hairpin.
Zura: However, I have seen on display
Zura: the bond between father and daughter as they stand back to back.
Zura: As well as the dignity of a so-called lousy father.
Zura: Katakuriko Matsudaira.
Zura: You make a fitting opponent.
On Screen,Caption: Next Episode: Blue and Red Ecstasy
Gin: Next time:
Gin: Blue and Red Ecstasy.
05x22 - The Man's Household Situation Is Hard, His Heart Is Soft
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.