05x19 - The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul

[bunniefuu]

Kagura: Have you forgotten...

Kagura: ...about the red kerchief?

All: They got in the kiddy bath!

The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul

Gin: Huh? Why?

Gin: Why?

Gin: Why did these giants get in the kiddy bath?

Gin: U-Uh...

Gin: The adult bath is warmer and more comfortable.

Hedoro: Oh...

Hedoro: Actually, our race can't stand hot water.

Hedoro: We only bathe in cold water.

Hedoro: We'd love to use the cold bath over there but it's too small for us.

Gin: We made the wrong choice!

Gin: We should have gotten in the adult bath!

Gin: Hey! We're completely surrounded!

Gin: Like an innocent bystander in the middle of a bunch of burly, tattooed men!

Kondo: Dude, they're watching us!

Kondo: They're staring at us!

Hijikata: What do we do?! We can't get out!

Hedoro: How is the water, Dad?

Dad: Too warm!

Dad: This is what the Edo folk are used to?

Dad: I'd prefer cold water that makes you shiver good.

Hedoro: Our dad is a traditional Dakini.

Hedoro: But it's true that the water is a little lukewarm.

Shin: Um, we were just saying how the water was too warm.

Shin: Want me to add some cold water?

Hedoro: Oh, no. There's no need for that.

Hedoro: I brought an iceberg just in case this happened.

Saburo: That's our Brother Hedoro!

Saburo: He's always prepared.

Jiro: This ice water is perfect.

Kondo: Y-You bet!

Kondo: It gives you a real kick!

Gin: How cold do they need their water?!

Gin: We aren't seals!

Kondo: My lips are turning purple!

Kondo: I'm gonna freeze to death! Freeze to death!

Gin: Hey! Someone get us out of here!

Shin: No!

Shin: They'll think that we don't like their ice-cold water!

Okita: Damn, I'm getting sleepy.

Hijikata: Don't go to sleep! You'll die!

Chibi: Papa, can I get out?

Gin: That's it!

Gin: Kids hate long baths!

Gin: We'll use this chance to...!

Hedoro: Absolutely not!

Hedoro: You must stay in the bath for at least ten minutes.

Hedoro: Otherwise you won't be able to wash away the sweat and grime.

Hedoro: Look.

Hedoro: Follow the example of these young men.

Hedoro: They're even washing their heads.

Hedoro: Goro, you need to do a better job of raising him.

Goro: Sorry, Brother.

Goro: I can't stop spoiling him.

Kondo: Ten minutes?!

Kondo: If we stay in this freezing water for ten minutes, we'll be dead!

Kondo: No more!

Kondo: My d*ck has shrunk to the point where it looks like I have three balls.

Gin: Wait, yours was always that small.

Kondo: It's going to completely disappear!

Okita: Either way, we're dead.

Okita: Hijikata-san, you lead the way.

Hijikata: Screw that!

Hijikata: I'll do whatever it takes to live longer than you!

Hijikata: You go!

Gin: Then the person who runs out of breath first gets to take one for the team.

Gin: That settles it!

Kondo: Hey, that's dirty!

Kondo: You go!

Gin: You!

Kondo: You!

Gin: Bastard!

Shin: Hey! This isn't the time to be fighting amongst ourselves!

Kondo: I refuse to go!

Gin: Hey! Hold on!

Gin: What are you holding on to?

Gin: Hey! Why are you holding that?!

Gin: And that geezer's balls really sag!

Shin: Let go! Quick!

Kondo: N-No!

Kondo: I can't move my fingers! They're frozen stiff!

Gin: Hey, surface and make up some kind of excuse!

Gin: We'll deal with the situation down here.

Both: What kind of excuse do you want?!

Shin: Y-Yeah, this is such a nice bath.

Hedoro: What were you doing underwater?

Hijikata: Oh, we were holding a little diving contest.

Hijikata: It's all the rage these days.

Hijikata: Damn, I lost!

Hedoro: Earthlings are such fun.

Hedoro: Hm? Is something wrong, Dad?

Dad: Hm, my crotch feels strange.

Hedoro: Huh?

Shin: O-Oh, it must be a side effect of the water!

Hedoro: A side effect of the water?

Shin: Yes, you know?

Shin: Right, Mr. Make-up-an-excuse?

Shin: Why don't you explain it to them?

Hijikata: What?!

Hijikata: I-In fact, the water in this bath is drawn from an underground spring

Hijikata: known as the Biagra Spring.

All: The Biagra Spring?

Hijikata: It's excellent for improving your health and sexual drive!

Dad: Oh, I see.

Dad: That's why it feels like something's tugging on my junk.

Hijikata: I-I'm sure that you'll feel like a young man once you're done here.

Dad: Oh, that sounds like a challenge.

Dad: Honey, let's try for number six tonight!

Mom: Oh, please.

Hedoro: Come on, Dad.

Goro: Huh?

Hedoro: Dad?

Shin: Your dad must be really excited.

Shin: He's joining in the diving contest.

Jiro: Oh, I see.

Saburo: But I see a lot of bubbles.

Hedoro: Oh, his hand.

Shiro: He seems to be struggling...

Shin: I-It's a V!

Shin: He's signaling V for victory!

Shin: It's too easy!

Shiro: Oh, he was signaling a V.

Goro: Oh, somebody's come up for a breath!

Kondo: Hel...

Jiro: He just asked for help...

Saburo: Uh, it's obvious that something's happening down there...

Shin: Nothing's happening! Nothing's happening at all!

Hijikata: Th-They're just playing around.

Hijikata: Those guys are such jokers.

Hedoro: Hey, Jiro.

Hedoro: Take a look down there.

Jiro: Y-Yes.

Shin: Hold on!

Shin: Nothing's happening!

Shin: Everything's okay!

Hedoro: Oh, there he is.

Goro: We were worried, Dad.

Goro: Are you okay?

Kondo: Sorry, sorry.

Kondo: I ran into this giant squid underwater.

Kondo: Man, I thought I was finished.

Both: Uh, we're definitely finished now!

Hedoro: Huh? Wait, who are you?

Kondo: Huh? Wh-What are you talking about? I'm your dad.

Both: No, no, no.

Both: You can't fool them like that!

Gin: Oh, it must be the Biagra Spring.

Okita: He's young again. That's awesome.

Both: Impossible! They're not gonna buy it!

Hedoro: What?

Hedoro: R-Really?

Hedoro: You look like a completely different person.

Kondo: What?! You've forgotten how your own father looks?!

Kondo: Honey, let's forget about these heartless jerks and make a new kid!

Hijikata: She's ignoring him!

Hijikata: She knows the truth!

Kondo: A-Anyway, it's time to get out.

Kondo: I'm feeling a bit chilly after the long bath.

Hedoro: Wait a moment, Dad.

Hedoro: Something's dangling from your crotch.

Shin: Dad is dangling from dad!

Kondo: What are you talking about?

Kondo: That's just my ball sack.

Hedoro: Your ball sack?

Hedoro: It looks exactly like your former self.

Kondo: It's just a ball sack.

Kondo: Look at the wrinkles.

Kondo: It's become bloated after sitting in the water.

Hedoro: C-Come to think of it, I've never seen your ball sack before.

Hedoro: So this is your ball sack?

Shin: Of course not!

Shin: Gi-Gin-san!

Gin: We've got no choice.

Gin: They got stuck together.

Gin: We'll just have to ride out the storm on this story.

Shin: Is that even possible?!

Shin: We're supposed to weather the stormy seas

Shin: with that heavy anchor dangling from our boat?!

Shin: Yeah, it's not happening.

Shin: What do we do?

Shin: We should apologize before they figure out what happened.

Gin: Apologize?

Gin: For getting tangled up in their old man's ball sack

Gin: and treating him like a ball sack?

Gin: If we do that, we'll be m*rder*d by the family of demons!

Gin: We'll have to trust him.

Gin: He'll make it work somehow.

Gin: All we can do is pray.

Gin: I pray for our success.

Hijikata: Wait a second!

Hijikata: Don't just spit out cliches and run away!

Hijikata: Do something about Kondo-san!

Gin: What?

Gin: It's his own fault for getting tangled in the ball sack!

Hedoro: What are you arguing about?

Hedoro: Did you forget your shampoo?

Hedoro: I can lend you my Temote.

Gin: N-No, I prefer Tsubakiki.

Hijikata: I go for Vidal Hahhoon.

Gin: Uh, I think I stayed in the bath too long, so I'd like to get going.

Hedoro: What? You haven't washed your body yet.

Hedoro: Are you trying to be considerate and give our family some space?

Gin: No, that's not it.

Hedoro: I'm terribly sorry.

Hedoro: We were the ones who barged in on the bath you had reserved.

Hedoro: Please allow us to wash your backs.

Hedoro: I cannot leave before I've shown my appreciation.

Gin: He wants to show his appreciation...

Hijikata: He won't let us leave until he's gotten revenge.

Hedoro: Jiro, Saburo.

Hedoro: Shiro, Goro.

Hedoro: We're going to wash their backs.

Gin: N-No, no, no!

Shin: N-No, thanks!

Shin: We can wash ourselves!

Okita: That's right.

Okita: When someone stands behind me, I get the urge to beat him down.

Hijikata: Hey! Stop making threats!

Hijikata: This isn't the time to let your sadistic side take over!

Kondo: Yeah! Let them wash your backs!

Gin: That's enough out of you, Grandpa Ball-Sack!

Gin: The gorilla is k*lling our chance to escape!

Hedoro: I'll wash Dad's back.

Hedoro: Let me know if there are any spots that itch.

Kondo: This brings back memories.

Kondo: When you were little, you used to wash my back for me.

Hedoro: You would always get mad.

Hedoro: You would yell at me to wash harder.

Hedoro: Dad! What's wrong?!

Jiro: His skin has peeled off, Brother Hedoro!

Hedoro: Impossible!

Hedoro: Dad used a sponge with nails to wash himself!

Saburo: When did he become so weak?

Shiro: Maybe this isn't Dad?

Gin: I-It must be, you know...

Gin: The soap. He must be allergic to the soap.

Hedoro: Would he start gushing blood because he's allergic to the soap?

Gin: The soap on Earth is really acidic,

so you have to be careful or your body will dissolve!

Hedoro: Really...

Hedoro: I'm sorry, Dad.

Gin: I-It must be hard when you don't know anything about this place.

Gin: We'll teach you the Earth way of taking a bath,

so please have a seat!

Jiro: Earthlings are so kind.

Goro: They allowed us in the bath that they had previously reserved,

Goro: and they're even offering to wash our backs.

Hedoro: Thank you very much.

Hedoro: I promise to return the favor.

Gin: N-No, we just want you to enjoy your stay on Earth.

Hijikata: Hey! Why are we doing this?!

Gin: It beats having the skin ripped off our backs!

Hijikata: Washing their backs is just as dangerous!

Shin: But we can prevent any further damage

to Kondo-san by teaching them how we clean.

Hedoro: Let us learn how they wash their bodies in Edo, Dad.

Shin: See?

Hijikata: We need to be really delicate,

'cause Kondo-san's body can't take much more.

Gin: That settles it.

Gin: Now, Hedoro-san.

Gin: Do as I do.

Gin: First, you must have a gentle mindset.

Gin: The soap on Earth is strong,

so the softest of sponges can still hurt your body.

Gin: First, we add lotion to the water to make it smoother.

Hijikata: What kind of bath are we talking about?!

Hijikata: We don't need to teach them how to

wash at the bathhouses you frequent!

Gin: I don't frequent them!

Gin: If the water is slimy enough,

nobody will notice when there's an accident!

Hijikata: What kind of accident?!

Hijikata: Your mind is a pile of slime!

Okita: So you're a fan, boss.

Hijikata: And he already slimed him!

Okita: Huh, he's smoking?

Shiro: My body is on fire!

Shiro: Wh-What did you do?!

Shin: What is this?!

Shin: They're all in pain, Gin-san!

Okita: This is bad, chief.

Okita: It looks like their weakness is lotion.

Gin: What?!

Gin: Their weakness is lotion?

Sure, most guys have a weakness for lotion!

Kondo: Lotion is getting in my wounds!

Hedoro: Say, Odd Jobs. Is everything okay?

Gin: E-Everything is fine!

Gin: This liquid kills germs.

Gin: The pain means that the germs are dying!

Gin: B-But we should probably wash it off.

Gin: Hey! Pour water on them!

Gin: Wash off the lotion!

Hijikata: Wh-What do you think you're doing?!

Gin: Wh-Who poured lotion all over the floor?!

Hijikata: You did!

Okita: Chief, am I doing it right?

Hijikata: You don't have to copy him!

Shin: Hijikata-san, we have no choice!

Shin: Act like this is how we bathe in Edo!

Hijikata: Hell no!

Shin: If you don't, you'll end up like him.

Hedoro: Odd Jobs, are you sure this is the proper way to apply water?

Hijikata: It's fine.

Hijikata: This is how we bathe in Edo.

Hedoro: You Edo folk are amazing.

Hedoro: You t*rture yourselves when you take a bath?

Gin: Pretty much!

Gin: It's like a form of training!

Hedoro: I'm very impressed by you samurai.

Hedoro: I wouldn't be able to stand this treatment.

Gin: H-He's running out of patience?!

Hijikata: Any more and he'll k*ll us all!

Hijikata: I can't trust this guy with our lives!

Hijikata: I'll take over then.

Hijikata: I have to make up for all the previous failures.

Hijikata: First, we pull the head out of the wall

and wash it with lukewarm wate-

Hijikata: Wate-

Hijikata: H-He won't come out!

Hijikata: Wate-

Hijikata: But you're actually trying to impale your forehead on the horns.

Shin: Even Hijikata-san screwed up!

Hedoro: Huh? Why would you do that?

Hijikata: This is how we make amends for the previous step.

Hijikata: Yeah, isn't that right?

Gin: No, I've never heard that before.

Hijikata: Huh?

Gin: That's not how we bathe in Edo.

Hijikata: The bastard is ignoring my mistake?!

Hijikata: That's bullshit!

Hijikata: I've been saving your ass this whole time!

Hijikata: No, think long and hard.

Hijikata: You've done this before.

Gin: No, I haven't.

Gin: I guarantee it.

Gin: Why would I want to do that?

Gin: Could you stop?

Gin: It's pretty disgusting to try to pass off your mistake as an Edo tradition.

Hijikata: Then what the hell have you been doing this whole time?!

Hedoro: Huh? What are you talking about?

Hijikata: Man, this is bad!

Hijikata: He's figured out that something's wrong!

Okita: Huh? You don't follow this practice?

Okita: Everybody in the Shinsengumi does.

Hijikata: Sogo...

Hijikata: You're helping me?

Okita: Watch this.

Okita: You aim for the center...

Okita: Like this!

Hijikata: Why me?!

Hijikata: I was wondering why he would jump to my rescue.

Hijikata: Now I see why!

Hijikata: In that case...

Shin: Do these people even realize that we're in a bathhouse?!

Shin: This has nothing to do with bathing anymore!

Shin: And why are the Hedoro brothers letting you do this?!

Hedoro: I see, there are many different practices in Edo.

Shin: Gin-san! Kondo-san!

Shin: Th-That's a barbaric practice that was introduced by some country bumpkins!

Shin: You don't need to follow it!

Hedoro: Oh, really. That's good.

Hedoro: Since the practice would damage our precious horns.

Shin: Horns?

Hedoro: Yes, for the Dakini, our horns are almost as important as our lives.

Hedoro: One represents our pride.

Hedoro: The other represents our soul.

Hedoro: If our horns are damaged, our pride and soul are tarnished.

Gin: The soul of a Dakini...

Hijikata: ...is stuck in the dirtiest place in this world!

Gin: Pull it out before they notice!

Hijikata: It's no use! It's completely stuck!

Okita: Kondo-san's rectal muscles are superhuman.

Okita: Let me handle this!

Hijikata: Why did you snap them?!

Hedoro: Saburo...

Hedoro: Your horns...

Gin: Is something wrong with his horns?!

Hedoro: Well, Saburo's horns appear to be...

Hedoro: Huh? They're fine.

Hedoro: That's odd...

Hedoro: I could have sworn that...

Gin: I-It must have been your imagination.

Hijikata: You stuck them in upside-down!

Hijikata: You stabbed them right into his head!

Okita: Anyway, it was tough getting those horns out.

Okita: Huh? They're still there.

Gin: I snapped Shiro's horns off and stuck them on Saburo.

Hijikata: That doesn't help anything!

Hijikata: Now Shiro's missing his horns!

Okita: We'll have to snap off Goro's horns next.

Hijikata: Will it ever end?!

Gin: Then we'll take one horn each from Goro and Jiro to stick on Shiro.

Hijikata: That's not the issue!

Hijikata: You're just making it worse!

Gin: What about the sixth one?

Hijikata: There isn't a sixth brother!

Hijikata: We only have five to work with!

Hedoro: Hey, Saburo, Shiro.

Hedoro: And Dad.

Hedoro: If you fool around too much, your precious horns will be...

Hedoro: Shiro! Your horns!

Gin: Is something wrong with his horns?!

Hijikata: Now he docked them together!

Hedoro: Well, Shiro's horns appear to be...

Hedoro: Huh? They're fine.

Hedoro: Wait, there's two of them, so there should be four horns...

Okita: Now...

Okita: There are four horns.

Hijikata: Those are completely different horns!

Hedoro: Oh, that's a relief.

Hedoro: It appears that they're safe.

Hijikata: How can he believe this crap?!

Shin: Such strong horns...

Hijikata: In that case, there's nothing

wrong with the horns that are stuck in his ass.

Gin: Okay, that's enough preparation.

Gin: It's time to wash your backs.

Hijikata: I'm too scared to go near them.

Kiddy Bath Do not jump in.

Hedoro: We just need to throw them in the bath?

Gin: Yeah, like this.

Hijikata: Hey!

Hijikata: That's not how you wash someone's back!

Hijikata: That's how you dispose of a body!

Hedoro: Th-That's...

Hedoro: Dad's ball sack has surfaced!

Dad: You're wrong!

Dad: Don't call me a ball sack!

Hedoro: Huh? That means you've returned to your former self.

Hedoro: H-How did you enjoy your stay on Earth?

Hedoro: Was it fun?

Dad: Hell no!

Dad: It was a terrible experience!

Gin: D-Damn, he's pissed!

Hijikata: Of course he is.

Hijikata: We were calling him a ball sack.

Hijikata: We're dead!

Hijikata: For sure!

Hedoro: I-I'm very sorry, Dad.

Hedoro: You didn't like Edo.

Dad: I didn't come here so you could show the family the sights.

Dad: I wanted to see if you were living a proper life in Edo.

Dad: When you were little, you spent your days alone

Dad: because your appearance scared everyone off.

Dad: So I wanted to see that you weren't alone on this distant planet.

Dad: It was a terrible experience.

Dad: I have a bad impression of Edo.

Dad: But that doesn't matter.

Dad: Because I met some friendly people who tried their best

Dad: to make me welcome.

Dad: Hedoro, you've found some good friends.

Dad: Everyone...

All: Please continue to be friends with our brother.

Chibi: Please!

Hedoro: E-Everyone...

Shin: I guess we misunderstood their intentions.

Shin: A scary family?

Shin: I'd say they're a pretty nice family.

Gin: We shouldn't bother them.

Gin: Let's make ourselves scarce then.

Dad: Oh! Please wait!

Dad: I would like to thank you!

Shin: No, that won't be necessary.

Dad: Well, boys?

Dad: Let's show our appreciation in an Edo fashion.

Jiro: I like the sound of that.

Jiro: We'll do for them everything they've done for us.

Hedoro: Come over here, guys.

Hedoro: It's our turn to wash your backs Edo-style.

Greater Edo Bath

Kagura: When I said we should leave together,

Kagura: I was always the one who had to wait.

Kagura: Until my wet hair dried,

Kagura: and my soap became hard.

Kagura: You would embrace me,

Kagura: and say that it was cold.

Next Episode

A: Lady!

A: After hearing that you will be the star next week,

I became as excited as a ****** ** ****!

Kyubei: Shut up.

A: Yes, ma'am.

Jugem

Kyubei: Next time:

Kyubei: Jugem.

Kyubei: If you don't understand the title,

you should do some research.