Shin: While the show was on a one year break,
Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan, and everyone else I knew changed into completely different people.
Shin: And they all claimed that two years had passed since the show went off the air.
Caption: [Wartirine / Warti / Wartise]
Shin: I tried to escape this cruel reality
Shin: and arrived at the beach,
Shin: only to find a very different Kyubei-san!
Shin: And there was more to come...
Katsura: Enough, Sir Kyubei.
You...
Katsura: I...
Katsura: ...became Zurako!
[Everyone Looks Pretty Grown Up After Summer Break]
Shin: Your characters don't overlap at all!
Shin: You stinkin' lunatic!
Shin: You're the only one who's stupid enough to have his balls removed to avoid character overlap!
Shin: And hell, you're both trannies now!
Katsura: C-Curses!
Katsura: I was so focused on the details that I lost sight of the big picture!
Shin: That's not all you lost!
Katsura: Sir Kyubei!
Katsura: It appears that we are doomed to share the same character traits.
Katsura: One of us must be eliminated for the sake of more screen time.
Katsura: One has both balls and boobs.
Katsura: The other has neither balls nor boobs.
Katsura: Let us determine who the true transsexual is!
Both: The position of gay bar champion...
Both: ...shall be mine!
Shin: Is that even worth fighting over?!
Shin: What the hell...
Shin: First people growing, now people changing their gender...
Shin: The only thing that hasn't changed...
Shin: ...is how they're still a bunch of idiots.
Yama: There you are.
[Shinsengumi]
Yama: Stinkin' four eyes.
Yama: You got guts to escape from your first day on the job, an?
Yama: You're ready to die, an?
Shin: O-Okita-san?!
Shin: That bazooka is Okita-san's!
Yama: What are you babblin' about?
Yama: I don't see you for a while, and you need glasses for your brain now, an?
Yama: It's me.
Yama: Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi.
Yama: Jimmy Yamazaki, an?
Shin: What?!
Yama: Now move your ass, an?
Shin: No way!
Shin: Average Joe Yamazaki?!
Yama: That's ancient history!
Yama: Back when I was still a cherry boy!
Yama: I stand fully erect now!
Yama: I'm Jimmy Yamazaki, the vice-commander who makes crying babies cry harder, an?
Shin: Whoa!
Shin: What happened?!
Shin: You're addicted to anpan now!
Shin: It's even showing up in your speech!
Yama: Hey, start driving, an?
Hijikata: Uh...
Yama: I said to drive the damn car, nitwit!
Hijikata: Ow...
Hijikata: Well, I wanted to say hello first since it's been a while.
Yama: Nobody's gonna remember a no name like you, an?
Hijikata: It's been so long, Shinpachi-kun.
Hijikata: I'm Toshiro Hijikata.
Hijikata: Do you remember me?
Hijikata: Of course not.
Shin: Hi-Hijikata-san?!
Shin: Is this Hijikata-san?!
Shin: No way!
Shin: Hijikata-san would never smile like this!
Shin: Especially not after being slapped around by someone like Yamazaki-san!
Yama: Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Explain, Hijikata, an?
Shin: He's smiling after being hit for no reason!
Hijikata: A lot's happened.
Hijikata: I took over as commander after Kondo-san retired,
Hijikata: but it became painfully clear that ruling through fear would no longer work.
Hijikata: And after some thinking, I decided to halve my way of life, my mayonnaise intake, and my calorie intake.
Hijikata: As a result, I'm now known as Toshi-san, the Shinsengumi's collective bitch.
Shin: You ended up losing your position in the process!
Hijikata: Still, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to work with you.
Hijikata: It's making me blush.
Shin: Could you please stop being so creepy?
Hijikata: How are Gin-san and Kagura-chan doing?
Hijikata: They should have tagged along.
Hijikata: It's been pretty lonely without Kondo-san around.
Shin: Hijikata!
Shin: Enough already!
Shin: How can you call yourself Hijikata?!
Shin: How?!
Shin: I don't believe this...
Shin: The Shinsengumi has seen a complete overhaul...
Shin: Wait.
Shin: That means...
Caption: [Shinsengumi Station]
A: The Shinsengumi Kaiser!
A: Seig heil, Herr Okita de Sade Sogo III!
All: Kaiser!
All: Kaiser!
All: Kaiser!
Shin: He's been promoted way past the rank of commander...
Okita: Silence, gentlemen.
Okita: Two years have passed since the formation of the Holy Shinsengumi Empire.
Shin: Empire?!
Shin: This is an empire?!
Okita: Thanks to your efforts, the empire has been able to extend its influence.
Okita: We now control over half of Edo.
Shin: You don't sound like the police anymore!
Okita: It won't be long before the day comes when we slaughter the Shogun and hoist the flag of our empire...
Okita: ...over Edo Castle!
Shin: That would make you Joi!
Shin: That would make you t*rrorists now!
Okita: However, we must first take control of a certain area before we can begin our crusade.
Okita: An impregnable town of steel...
Okita: A lawless place for the ruffians of Edo to gather...
Okita: The Kabuki district!
Caption: [Kabuki District st Street]
Okita: If we don't secure this town before launching our attack on Edo Castle,
Okita: it will come back to haunt us.
Okita: But worry not!
Okita: Every stronghold has a weakness!
Okita: And I now have the means to exploit that weakness.
Okita: We have taken a friend of Shogun Sakata, the fearless general of the Kabuki district...
Okita: ...as a hostage!
Okita: The town of steel will fall quickly now.
Shin: Hold on!
Shin: Who is this fearless general?!
Shin: Are you trying to crush Odd Jobs?!
Okita: I will eliminate anyone who stands in the way of my ambition.
Shin: Your ambition?!
Shin: When did you join the camp of cliche Edo dominating megalomaniacs, Jerkaiser!
Okita: Hey, that was uncalled for.
Okita: At the very least, you should address me as Jerk of a Kaiser.
Okita: I get annoyed when people combine words.
Okita: Normally, I would have you ex*cuted, but I'll spare your life since you have use as a hostage.
Okita: Hijikata, take him away.
Hijikata: Yes, Jerkaiser!
Okita: Yamazaki, smack him.
Yama: Yes, Jerkaiser!
Okita: Why is this catching on?
Okita: Someone, execute everyone besides the hostage.
All: Yes, Jerkaiser!
Okita: Fine, have it your way.
Okita: Starting tomorrow, I'll change my title to Jerkaiser.
Okita: But make the "Jer" inaudible.
Shin: Damn it...
Shin: What's going on?
Shin: Why is this happening?
Shin: I'm sick of this world...
Shin: Nobody I know is here...
Hijikata: Stop sniffling, you wimp.
Hijikata: I finally found someone normal,
Hijikata: but you don't look like you'll be much help.
Shin: Hi-Hijikata-san?
Shin: Are you...
Hijikata: Yeah...
Hijikata: I was also left behind two years, just like you.
Tamo: Here is this week's spotlight.
N: This week's spotlight came in third on the sales chart.
N: The third single from singer-songwriter MADAO-san.
N: The God of Cardboard!
Tamo: This is quite a surprise.
Tamo: Another top-seller?
Caption: [Beer is Best]
Tamo: Did you cut your hair?
Madao: Actually, I grew it out.
N: MADAO-san got the inspiration for this song from the sound of
Caption: [How MADAO got his break]
Caption: [Reenactment]
: tearing apart cardboard when he was living on the streets.
N: He performed many concerts on the street before achieving his current popularity.
Tamo: So how does it feel to go from living on the streets to cutting your hair?
Madao: Uh, I didn't cut my hair.
Madao: I grew it out.
N: Ah, we're running out of time, so please get on stage.
N: Here's MADAO-san with "I Cut My Hair."
Madao: I said I didn't cut my hair!
Madao: Do you want me to cut my hair?!
Madao: Do I look bad with long hair?!
Shin: What's going on?
Hijikata: That's what I want to know.
Hijikata: I went back to the station after the one year break, and everything was different.
Hijikata: As though everyone else had spent the past two years without me...
Shin: But why...
Shin: Why did you pretend to be different?
Hijikata: Because I thought that I was the one who was crazy.
Hijikata: Wouldn't you?
Hijikata: Every other person had changed.
Hijikata: I was the exception.
Hijikata: Given the situation, what else could I do but laugh?
Caption: [Please wait one moment.]
Hijikata: But I guess I couldn't handle it.
Yamazaki: D-Damn you, Hijikata!
Yamazaki: You think you're gonna get away with this, an?
Shin: Hijikata-san...
Shin: Did we travel through time?
Shin: We're the only ones stuck in a completely different world.
Hijikata: Why did this happen to us?
Shin: Maybe we're being punished...
Shin: Hijikata-san...
Shin: To be honest, I've been...
Shin: ...slacking off on playing the straight man.
Shin: I was always exhausted after dealing with the onslaught of funny men.
Shin: Despite all the work, I wasn't very popular.
Shin: And there wasn't much merchandise featuring me.
Shin: I had to wonder if playing a funny man paid better dividends...
Shin: So while they were airing reruns for the past year,
Caption: [Yorinuki Gintama-san]
Shin: I kicked back and completely forgot about playing the straight man.
Caption: [Otsuu Plus]
Shin: But while I was doing nothing,
Shin: everyone else found something to do and build on.
Shin: They were moving forward.
Shin: That's why I was left behind...
Shin: I'm guessing that you know what I'm talking about.
Shin: You were the only normal person in the Shinsengumi.
Shin: You were also in the straight man position.
Shin: But then you added that funny man persona, Tosshi...
Hijikata: That was because of the sword...
Shin: ...and engaged in bizarre behavior involving mayonnaise.
Hijikata: I just happen to like mayonnaise!
Shin: Then how do you explain the smiling act?
Shin: You just wanted to play a funny man, didn't you?
Hijikata: Enough.
Shin: Can you honestly say that you weren't trying to enjoy yourself?
Hijikata: I said enough already, damn it!
Shin: I'm sorry.
Shin: I shouldn't have said that.
Hijikata: Nah, I shouldn't have snapped at you.
Hijikata: Just forget it.
Hijikata: If the world was twisted into its current state by an oversaturation of funny men
Hijikata: because the two of us stopped playing straight men,
Hijikata: we don't have any right to gripe about it.
Hijikata: Yeah...
Both: We have to live in this world...
Both: ...as punishment.
Hijikata: I'm heading back...
Hijikata: ...to the Holy Shinsengumi Empire.
Hijikata: I'll try to stop the kaiser...
Hijikata: ...from attacking Odd Jobs.
Hijikata: That's not going to help anything.
Shin: I see...
Shin: I plan on working at Odd Jobs.
Shin: Gin-san may look like Yamcha
Shin: and Kagura may be bigger than me,
Shin: but Odd Jobs is still the same place.
Shin: Good luck playing the straight man.
Hijikata: Same to you.
Shin: Not that it's going to change anything...
Kusano: Now, we have a breaking news update.
Kusano: The mysterious wart outbreak is continuing to spread throughout Edo.
Kusano: Medical scientists have finally determined the source of this malady.
Kusano: The warts, which attach themselves to organisms and absorb their life energy
Kusano: before eventually taking over the host body,
Kusano: have been identified as parasitic aliens known as Q'Sai Nettles.
Kusano: First, the aliens transform into the figure on your left
Kusano: and assimilate information from the host.
Kusano: Eventually, it transforms into something completely identical to the host.
Kusano: The alien supplants the host
Kusano: and matures the appearance of the host by two years after a few days.
Kusano: It should be noted that these aliens are attracted to ambition.
Kusano: People with more ambition have a higher chance of being infected,
Kusano: and the aliens will evolve according to that ambition.
Kusano: Do you know anyone who's gone through a sudden change and talked about two years passing?
Kusano: It's possible that they've been infected by Q'Sai Nettles.
Kusano: First, you should check if the comatose original is hanging from the body.
Kusano: Then use something like a paper fan to smack the Q'Sai Nettle as hard as you can.
Kusano: Your friends have not changed!
Kusano: Two years haven't passed!
Kusano: The world before you is...
Kusano: ...a world with warts!
B: Oh? Kusano-san?
B: There's something hanging from your head...
B: Is that...
Kusano: Huh?
Shin: So wait.
Shin: What?
Shin: In other words...
Shin: They're all Wartiharu?!
Shin: Yamcha Gin-san is just a Yamcha wart!
Shin: The grown-up Kagura-chan is just a wart with two big warts!
Shin: The gorilla couple is two warts making a wart baby!
Hijikata: Ambition, huh?
Hijikata: Ironic.
Hijikata: We weren't infected because we were slacking off.
Hijikata: And now, we're the only ones who can save them!
Shin: I know exactly what I need to do now!
Hijikata: We're gonna paper fan this twisted wartiworld!
Shin: And take back our world!
Kagura: Shinpachi!
Kagura: Where did you go?
Kagura: I was looking everywhere for you!
Shin: Ka-Kagura-san?!
Kagura: You dummy!
Kagura: I was so worried!
Hijikata: Hey!
Hijikata: Smack her with the fan!
Hijikata: That's just the wart!
Shin: Ka-Kagura-san!
Shin: It's not fair to press that body up against me!
Kagura: I was so lonely.
Kagura: An Odd Jobs without you is like you without glasses.
Shin: Doesn't that mean you only need my glasses?!
Kagura: Shinpachi...
Shin: Is this really a wart?!
Shin: This cute girl...
Shin: Wait, does it even matter if she's a wart...
Hijikata: Don't be fooled!
Hijikata: Kaiser Okita de Sade Sogo III!
Okita: Hi-Hijikata-san...
Okita: I don't want to see you hit a woman...
Kagura: Hey!
Kagura: Hang on, Jerkaiser!
Okita: Huh? How?
Okita: A-After Kondo-san left,
Okita: I devoted my life to making the force bigger...
Okita: I didn't hesitate to commit atrocities for the sake of protecting the Shinsengumi...
Okita: But Hijikata-san...
Okita: If I let you get your hands dirty,
Okita: the Shinsengumi will just be a g*ng of thugs.
Shin: Hijikata-san?!
Shin: Don't be fooled!
Shin: That's a wart! Just a wart!
Okita: I-I wanted...
Okita: ...to have another bowl of mayonnaise with you...
Shin: That never happened!
Shin: You said it was dog food!
Shin: Stop lying!
Hijikata: Sogo! Get a hold of yourself!
Shin: Uh, that's not going to help!
Shin: You're the one who needs to get a hold of yourself!
Shin: Didn't we establish that he's just a wart?!
Shin: Move!
Shin: I'll finish it off!
Otae: Stop, Shin-chan!
Otae: A samurai would never attack a dying man!
Shin: S-Sis!
Shin: And she already gave birth!
Otae: How could you be so cruel?
Otae: What am I supposed to tell this child?
Hijikata: Don't be fooled!
Hijikata: She's not your sister!
Hijikata: She's just a wart!
Shin: You have no right to say that!
Shin: Fine!
Shin: I won't let you use my sister's face to play wife to the gorilla...
Shin: ...any longer!
Otae: Stop!
Otae: You've got it wrong!
Otae: The father of my child is actually...
Otae: Look at the hair!
Shin: What are you doing?!
Hijikata: Th-That hair...
Hijikata: That V-shaped hair is...?
Shin: Of course not!
Shin: How could the two of you have a kid when you barely even know each other?!
Otae: Forgive me, Toshi-san.
Otae: I couldn't hide my true feelings.
Otae: Even after pretending to be married to Isao-san...
Shin: Wait a sec!
Shin: My sister's turned into one hell of a slutty bitch?!
Otae: Please!
Otae: Take us away!
Otae: To a world without gorillas!
Shin: Hijikata-san!
Shin: Don't be fooled!
Shin: You don't have a kid!
Hijikata: You thought you could fool me with such a cheap trick?
Hijikata: Give me the kid and scram.
Hijikata: I'll look after it.
Shin: You've been completely fooled!
Hijikata: Hey, can you spare the kid?
Hijikata: Let me raise Togoro!
Shin: Calm down!
Shin: Who the hell is Togoro?!
Kondo: Oh? His name is Togoro?
Kondo: What an adorable child.
Kondo: Would you mind letting me hold him?
Hijikata: Oh, he's a newborn, so you'll need to support his head.
Kondo: My, such an adorable child.
Kondo: His mother and father must be lovely.
Kondo: But he's not as adorable as my little girl.
Kondo: Isn't that right,
Kondo: Isako-chan?
Shin: Kondo-san!
Shin: You've lost your mind!
Shin: You've completely lost your mind!
Kondo: I won't let you have your happiness!
Kondo: You're all!
Kondo: You're all...
Kondo: ...headed straight down misery lane!
Hijikata: T-Togoro!
Shin: You can no longer be a straight man!
Shin: You've been completely fooled!
Kondo: Don't come any closer!
Kondo: I'll jump off with the child!
Hijikata: Calm down, Kondo-san!
Hijikata: Let's not be hasty!
Shin: You're the one who needs to calm down!
Shin: We're supposed to be smacking down warts!
Shin: Why are you stopping a wart from k*lling itself?!
Hijikata: The child has done nothing wrong.
Hijikata: You should blame...
Hijikata: ...Otae and me!
Shin: Blame your poor excuse for a brain!
Hijikata: k*ll me instead!
Hijikata: Please...
Hijikata: Spare Togoro!
Shin: Why are you giving up your life for a wart?!
Katsura: To protect your child with your life...
Katsura: Isn't thats how a true parent would behave?
Katsura: Yet look at you.
Katsura: You intend to die by yourself and leave us behind?
Kondo: Wh-Who are you?
Katsura: How cruel...
Katsura: You don't remember who comforted you at the bar after your wife ran out on you?
Kondo: A-Are you...
Kondo: From the bar...
Kondo: From the bar!
Kondo: Zurako-san!
Shin: How?!
Shin: How did you give birth?!
Katsura: You are a father now!
Katsura: So for her sake, for my sake...
Katsura: You must live!
Shin: Aren't the two of you enemies?!
Katsura: Look, it's your father,
Katsura: Gorillina.
Shin: He can't be the father!
Shin: That's an actual gorilla there!
Kyubei: Oh, her name is Gorillina?
Kyubei: Such an adorable child.
Kyubei: Would you mind letting me hold her?
Katsura: Oh, she's a newborn, so her banana hasn't been peeled yet.
Shin: No shit!
Kyubei: My, such an adorable child.
Kondo: But she's not as adorable as my little girl.
Shin: Kyubei-san?!
Kondo: Isn't that right,
Kondo: Willina?
Shin: The hell are you raising?!
Shin: You've lost more than your mind!
Kyubei: I don't need a wife or husband!
Kyubei: I have become the ultimate creature who can be both mother and father!
Kyubei: Have no fear!
Kyubei: I will make these children happy!
Hijikata: Togoro!
Kondo: Gorillina!
Katsura: Willina!
Shin: Damn it!
Shin: Cut this shit out!
Shin: I knew something was wrong.
Shin: Hijikata-san was also infected by a wart.
Shin: Warts that are attracted to ambition...
Shin: This was one hellish nightmare,
Shin: but I learned a valuable lesson.
Shin: The show is finally back on the air.
Shin: I need to stay focused
Shin: and aim as high as I can every week.
Shin: Okay!
Shin: It's all over!
Shin: Starting next week, I'll need to get to work!
Shin: Let's do this!
Gin: No, it's not over yet.
Shin: Huh?
Gin: You're also a wart, Shinpachi.
Shin: What?!
Gin: Man, I was worried.
Gin: Everyone looked different when the show came back on air.
Gin: I had a hard time keeping up with everyone.
Gin: Why was I the only one left out?
Gin: Get a clue, you alien warts.
Gin: But at this rate, it's going to get messy when we catch up to the manga and go on another break.
Gin: These people are actually going to train themselves next time.
Gin: Can't help it.
Gin: When that happens...
Gin: I'll go with this.
Caption: [The End]
Caption: [Next Episode]
Gin: Isn't it a little late for New Year cards?
Gin: And why did everyone send one?!
Gin: What a pain in the ass!
Gin: So next time:
EpTitle: [Use a Calligraphy Pen for New Year Cards]
Gin: Use a calligraphy pen for New Year cards!
Gin: Plus another one that's a little late.
[The Heart Comes Before Chocolate]
05x02 - Everyone Looks Pretty Grown Up After Summer Break
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.