(siren)
I got to get a little closer.
It seems as though
the gunman just sent a message
to the police department's
chief negotiating officer.
Can you tell us anything
about the safety
of the seven hostages?
They're okay, but
the gunman won't
release anyone
unless he can make a
statement to the media
I've got a crew.
I can go in.
Now, wait a minute.
You don't know what's going on here.
Stay close.
Let's go.
Sullivan,
we have a reporter going in.
Release all the hostages,
and you will not be hurt.
(g*ns cocking)
No one hurt.
Cut.
Perfect.
Great Ending!
Primo television, Frank.
That was one of the
bravest things I've ever seen.
Come on,
it was no big deal.
I saw what I had to do,
and I did it.
If you want to
call that bravery ...
I was on the edge of my seat.
All I kept thinking was
what if something happens to him.
I could never forgive myself.
knowing that the last thing
I said to you was,
"Some people shouldn't wear
bicycle pants in public."
Frank,
I never thought you'd surpass
the courage you showed
when you penetrated
the Afghan border
past five armed sentries.
But this?
I'm so damn proud of you,
you crazy sun of a g*n.
Come on, guys.
You're embarrassing me.
This was nothing.
And it was eight sentries.
Oh.
Are guys you through yet?
I hear Frank's needed
back on Krypton.
Uh-oh,
Murphy's jealous.
I am going to make
TV Guide's "most watchable"?
Please, anyone
could have done it.
All you need is the heart
of a lion and nerves of steel.
Hey, Frank,
security just called.
Your parents are
on their way up.
What? My parents?
Here?
In the building?
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
What's today?
Thursday.
No, no, no.
The date.
The th.
Good lord, Frank.
What's the matter?
How could I do this?
How could I forget?
Mom.
Pop.
Oh, thank you, God.
He remembers who we are.
Too bad you didn't remember
to pick us up at the airport.
I sent a limo.
You mean he didn't show up?
We had to take a cab.
$ .
Plus another $
for the luggage.
Which he didn't
even help us with.
Then he wanted a tip.
I said, "I'll give you a tip.
Next time, help with the luggage."
There's your tip.
You got a tip now.
And the next thing I know,
they're screaming at each other.
Your father could've had a heart attack.
Then what?
I'd be standing there
with a husband dead
on the sidewalk.
Try to get a skycap
to pick up a dead man.
I am furious about this.
I'm going to call that
limo company right now.
Frank, Frank,
where are your manners?
You haven't introduced us.
Dominic, Rose,
this is Murphy.
Murphy, take care of the rest.
Boy, am I mad.
Well, I just love
seeing Frank so excited.
As he said, I'm Murphy Brown.
And this is Jim Dial,
Corky Sherwood,
and our producer, Miles Silverberg.
Pleasure.
Why don't you
come right over here
and make
yourselves comfortable?
This is our conference table,
where we come up with
many of the exciting stories
you see on the
show every week.
We don't watch
the show that much.
Wednesday's
our Canasta night.
Well, at least now, we get to
see each other face to face
I can't believe
it's taken this many years.
You know, you're
very pretty in person.
Oh, thank you.
I wonder why your face
looks so round on TV.
Can't they do something
about that?
So, Mr. and Mrs. Fontana.
Tell us,
what brings you to Washington?
He didn't tell you?
Frankie's throwing is a
big th anniversary party.
We got relatives flying in
from all over the country.
He didn't tell you?
Of course, he told us.
Miles was out that day.
Upper respiratory ailment.
It's going around.
It can k*ll you.
But I wanted to say
kudos to you both
years is quite
an achievement.
You must be proud.
Not really.
We're catholic.
We get married.
We have kids.
We get old.
Then we die.
Why don't I go get Frank?
(everyone talking at once)
He's in my office.
I'll go.
What do you mean
you're all booked?
You have rooms.
Get off the phone, Frank.
Your mother just told me I was fat.
Just keep them busy
for a few more minutes.
No, I need a
room right now.
I just want to
know one thing, Frank.
How does a guy arrange
his parents th anniversary
and then forget to pick
them up at the airport?
Easy. You forget the party, too.
Hello? Park Hyatt?
I need a room.
You forgot the party?
Oh, ho. Nice going, Frank.
What are you
going to do now?
Bet you don't know
what you're going to do now.
Will you stop it?
I thought it was
next month.
September, October,
anybody could have mixed them up.
They both end in "ber."
We have several Jewish people
living in our complex.
They seem very nice.
Really?
Frank, here are your parents.
Far be it from me
to monopolize their time.
Even though I'd
love hearing more
about your father's
prostate problem.
Nice meeting you.
Bye.
And the next time I order a limousine
I expect it to be there.
Francis,
we're dehydrated
from the flight.
We want to go to the hotel.
Now.
They want to go to the hotel, Frank.
Right. Well, about the hotel,
we don't get to see
each other that often
I thought it might be nice,
if you stayed with me.
You said you'd get us a
big, fancy hotel room for our th.
I know, I know,
but I really want to spend
some quality time with you.
Oh, Frank,
what a lovely gesture.
All right, if that's what he wants.
Great. So
off we go to my place,
just the three of us.
Alone. Together.
Just us.
Murphy, why don't you come too?
We can all have dinner together.
Oh, Frank, I'd love to.
But it's my weight watchers night.
Hi, La Cochina?
I need a reservation
for tomorrow night.
Around : .
people.
How about : ?
Hello?
This is a nightmare.
My parents' th
anniversary in a place
that has a condom machine
in the ladies' room.
How about something
for you, Frank?
You look a little peaked.
That is just like you, Phil.
Never too busy to be concerned
about one of your regulars.
It's that kind of sensitivity
that keeps us all
coming back here.
Because Phil's
is not just a bar, it's a home.
I love it.
And I love you, Phil.
Couldn't find a
place for your party,
could you, Frank?
People think they can
just take me for granted.
Well, I'm not a doormat, Frank.
I have feelings.
I know. I apologize.
I'm sorry.
Okay. I forgive you.
So tomorrow night?
: ?
I'm booked.
The German embassy's
having a reunification party.
Excuse me,
I have to go buy lederhosen.
I can't fit people
into my condo.
Besides, I still don't
have a door for my bathroom.
Although, a private home
would be
a good idea.
Go to be a place.
Something elegant,
Impressive,
Special.
Don't give me
that face, Frank.
If it didn't work on
that Romanian gymnast,
it sure as hell isn't
going to work on me.
Some of the neighbors
had a hard time with it,
but we told them --
As long as the Holy Father
says you shouldn't
blame the Jews anymore,
That should be
good enough for you.
Terrific.
Frank!
There you are.
When you left your parents
in my office, four hours ago,
I thought you said
You'd be back in a few minutes.
I must have misunderstood you.
I had to do a follow up
on a lead.
So, did you have fun?
Oh, we had a
wonderful time.
First,
I showed them the studio,
then the executive lounge,
the emergency generator,
the air conditioning system,
And, of course,
my personal favorite,
the janitor's stock room.
Sit down,
rest,
have something to eat.
I'll get menus.
You need water.
Miles:
and breath mints.
So,
Mom
Pop
There's, um,
something
I have to tell you
about the party.
I'm not doing it.
He forgot to
hire the photographer.
Oh, Francis!
It's not the photographer.
It's...
It's about the restaurant.
I...
Not doing it.
You forgot the restaurant?
Don't be silly.
How could he forget the restaurant?
I ...
I ...
He forgot the restaurant.
Oh, my God.
relatives.
Grandma Fontana.
How could you?
How could you?
Did you say something, Murphy?
He...
He didn't forget.
He just didn't think
a restaurant
was special enough
for the occasion.
So I offered my townhouse.
Feel free so say no,
if you don't like the idea.
Are you kidding?
They love it!
Surprise!
That's Frank's caterer.
Frank
Mr. and Mrs. Fontana,
what are you doing here?
I told you
we were early.
I know, but there's
usually lots of traffic.
I wanted to make sure
we left in plenty of time.
You know, this place
Looked bigger
in home and garden.
Now that we're here
Why don't we sit down and
spend a little time together
before the big shindig?
Tell you what,
Why don't you two go in, sit down,
and make yourselves comfortable?
I've just got
to talk to Frank.
Rose, there's no one here.
I'm going to unloosen
my pants for a minute.
What the hell do you
think you're doing, Frank?
You can't just keep
dumping your parents
on innocent people
because you don't feel
like dealing with them.
Look, just keep
your voice down, okay?
Look, Murph, I know I
trapped you into this
But I've got a really good
feeling about tonight.
I think this is going
to be an evening
we'll be talking about
for a long time to come.
(Doorbell rings)
Howdy, partners.
Uncle Wiggly Piggly's
Authentic Texas Barbecue
here to make your party
a real humdinger.
Where do you want
the ribs?
Yes, I know it's late
But it's important
that I speak with the senator.
Of course I'll hold.
So, after they cracked
open my chest
They took a vein
from the inside of my thigh...
It's a fascinating story,
Uncle Sal
And I can't wait to hear
how it turns out
But you know
the rules--
No one's allowed
Past the chairs.
I'll be back
In a few minutes.
So remember where
we left off--
Vein in the thigh.
You've been on that phone
for minutes, Frank.
Get off it now!
Get off, get off, get off!
Look, Murph, I'm a reporter.
When a fast breaking
story comes up,
I've got to go with it.
Senator Holden?
Frank Fontana.
I was in the press gallery
last week
When you proposed a national
gingivitis prevention week.
There's a big story
In that for F.Y.I.
This is unbelievable.
That's it, Theresa.
No more cigarettes.
Oh, listen, we had
a small brush fire
But it's out now.
Francis, give her $
for a new azalea bush.
I could come over right now.
Then forget it, all right?
Just forget it!
So, Mom, are you
having a good time?
There's no piano.
In a large house, like this
You'd think there
would be a piano
So people could dance.
You're in luck
If Uncle Carmine said if he
can get the corn
out of his teeth
He'll play his harmonica.
That's not good enough, Murph
If my mom wants to dance
on her anniversary
I'm not going
to disappoint her.
Where are you going,
Frank?
To find a band.
Jim:
Murphy?
Murphy, it's starting to rain.
And people are asking
if they can come inside.
Inside? The house?
No, they'd like to huddle
in the hummingbird feeder.
Yes, the house.
I don't see any rain.
That's not rain.
It's mist.
What are you trying to do?
Start a panic?
If you were going
to stir up trouble
Why did you come?
That's it, people!
We're going in!
Don't try to stop us, Murphy.
Wait, wait, wait!
Leave your corn and ribs outside!
Wet towels, anyone?
Wet towels?
Last call
on dry clothing.
I'm running low
on blouses here.
You got something
in a blue?
These earth tones don't
do anything for me.
I had one thing
in a blue
but it was my bathrobe
and Uncle Sal got it.
Next?
You know, he's never told me
how much he makes.
My own son.
Don't you think
that's terrible?
Well, I'm sure he has his ...
You know how much he makes?
Well, I'm not really at liberty...
How much do you make?
Let me freshen
that drink for you.
I brought you
a wet nap.
There's a slight residue
of barbecue sauce on your lip.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Thank you, Eldin.
So you haven't said
anything about
my new look.
Oh, it's very nice, Eldin.
But in the future,
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't send me
hair through the mail.
We have a lot
of white furniture.
You have furniture?
We live in
two different worlds.
Excuse me, Murphy?
I'm out of Donna Karen.
I'm out of Ralph Lauren.
And I don't have anything
in an Ann Klein that'll fit you.
Oh, no, no. We just wanted
to introduce ourselves.
I'm Pat. This is Mary.
We're Frank's sisters.
We just wanted to say
how happy we are
that you and Frank are
giving this party together.
Some of us were beginning
to wonder about Frank.
You know,
, still single
Oh, you can
stop wondering.
Frank is gay.
Frank...
How nice of you
to stop by.
Murph, I came this close,
this close
to getting the harpsichordist
at the Sheraton Hotel.
I could k*ll you
right now, Frank.
I could k*ll you and
then eat a sandwich
and then go to bed and
then not even think about it.
Because I have had it, Frank.
I have really, really had it.
Frank?
Have you tasted the coffee?
It's like dishwater.
I mean it's such a shame to finish up
the evening with weak coffee.
It's all anyone will remember.
I'm sorry. I should have
checked that out earlier.
Mom, Pop,
it's time for the cake.
Frankie, come on,
you gotta make the toast.
And try to talk loud so
everyone can hear you.
In a minute.
I'd better go
buy some coffee.
Stop it, Frank.
Stop it right now.
Why do you do this?
You can't keep
running away.
Well, I'm not going to walk in
that room and make a toast.
I don't have a single
positive thing to say
about those people.
Everything out of their
mouths is depressing.
Nothing is ever good enough.
All my life, I just wanted
to make things better for them
but I couldn't.
They make me crazy.
Oh, geez, Frank.
Look, this isn't exactly my area.
But what do you want?
They're your parents.
Don't expect them to change
because they're not going to.
You've just got to put up with them
Until one day you become them
and your children are telling
their friends how crazy you are.
Hey, how about that toast?
I can't do it, Murph.
You know, Frank,
After seeing you do all
those heroic things on camera,
I would have thought
you'd be braver than this.
You really faked me out.
Maybe I faked us all out.
Guests:
Toast, toast, toast...
Uh... everybody...
Frank isn't going to be able
to give the toast tonight
because he, uh, left his wallet at the - .
(crowd murmuring)
But he did have
a speech prepared
and he asked me
to give it
So...
Mom.
Pop.
You're very special to me.
So very, very special
I remember coming home
every afternoon
from school to
milk and cookies
and our little dog, Chipper.
What the hell is she talking about?
We never had a dog?
Murphy?
Murph, it's okay.
I'll take over from here.
Okay.
Let's see.
Uh...
Our family has never been good
at talking about
feelings and emotions.
But this is
your th anniversary.
So ...
Happy Anniversary,
Mom and Pop.
That's it?
That's the toast?
At least in hers
we had a dog.
No, no, no.
That's just the opening.
What I really wanted to say
is ...
No, that was it.
That's the toast.
That's all there is.
There. Now you have something else
to add to your list of complaints.
What's he talking about?
I don't know.
We never complain.
Of course, you do.
Don't they?
No.
Oh, come on.
I sent them to Italy on a vacation.
All I heard was that it was a lousy flight,
and there were too many pigeons.
I bought them a condo in Florida.
Florida's too humid.
And the golf course is always crowded.
He's talking crazy.
The trip to Italy was very nice.
And the condo is fine.
It could use one more bathroom but...
See, you're doing it again.
That's what I'm talking about.
That? What's that?
That's not a complaint.
It's an observation.
All I'm saying is
I just wanted to
make you happy.
Well, of course we're happy.
We have seven wonderful children.
We have our health.
I mean a person's got to be crazy
not to be happy.
Why can't you ever say it?
You got to be careful.
God think you're
too happy... (whistles)
He punishes you.
Francis,
You have to
try to understand
who we are.
We're simple people.
Tell him about
last Thursday.
I found four golf balls
on the course.
And they were
all in good shape.
Oh, it was a great day.
And that's all I need.
Frankie.
That's it?
That's all it takes
to make you happy?
Yeah.
I wish you would have
told me that $ , ago.
Well, I don't know
about the rest of you
but I know I've certainly
learned a lot tonight.
I'm sure we all
want to go home
And spend some time
alone absorbing it.
She's right.
Come on, Frankie.
Finish the toast
and we'll cut the cake.
Francis,
make us proud.
Like you always do.
Okay.
Here it is.
I'm really
glad that we had this
evening together and
I hope we can another
years so we can get to know
each other even better.
Mom.
Pop.
Happy Anniversary
You are two remarkable people.
I love you.
And we love you too.
We love all of you.
Now, let's have some of
that wonderful cake.
Make a wish, Dominic.
I wish this cake
were chocolate.