04x03 - Diamonds in the Rough

[bunniefuu]

Bo and Luke ain't being chased

their secretly testin'
a new sway bar

that ol' Cooter
rigged up for 'em.

Well, General Lee
never felt this smooth.

You're lookin' good.

Y'all didn't think that
the General did all

of his fancy stuff without
practice, now, didn't you?

You know, it's kinda hard
for me to tell from over here.

Will you give me a shot?

- Alright. Be careful with him.
- You got it.

- Got the wheel?
- Yeah.

- I got my foot on the gas.
- Alright, wait a minute.

Now, don't y'all try
this even with practice.

- 'Yee-haw.'
- 'Yee-haw.'

Now, I don't know who they are

But they sure ain't
dressed for rabbit huntin'.

Are you gone bananas?

We didn't come up
here to k*ll nobody.

Well, it drops dew
any minute now.

You want them yokels to see it?

'Yeah, well, they
ain't here yet.'

Maybe, they'll move off by then.

Hey, Cooter, you got
your ears on, come back.

Crazy Cooter comin' back at you

y'all start whistlin',
I'm listenin'.

Cooter, buddy, you
are a mechanical genius.

That sway bar you put on
the General makes him take

the corners like the
high bank of Daytona.

Alright. Hey, y'all I'm happy
that you're happy and I hope

you're just as happy
when I send y'all the bill.

Oh, dang.

Alright.

What's that? Crop duster?

Yeah, likely. Ain't much to
dust around here except dust.

'Would you look at that?
Somebody done jumped put.'

It's too small for somebody.

It's more likely, a something.

What say, we go be good
neighbors and check it out?

- I told you, they'd be trouble.
- Shut up.

Well, they've seen that chute

and they're
heading right for it.

- Break the limb off.
- Oh, geez, sorry, General.

Give me that thing. What is it?

Here, take a look for yourself.

It's a Bugs Bunny doll.

And a sand bag attached
to his back to make sure

he dropped exactly
where he's meant to.

There must be some
kind of reason for that.

Ain't never seen a Bugs
Bunny paratrooper before.

- Why don't we, uh..
- Yeah, let's, get out of here.

And you aim for the tires.
All we want is the doll.

Sound like g*n sh*ts to you?

I don't know but let's not
stick around to find out.

They're muzzled sh*ts.

Looks like them fellas
were rabbit hunters after all.

Just a dang bunny. Who'd
want to sh**t after Bugs Bunny?

Elmer Fudd. I wouldn't
bank on it being him, though.

What you got?

Lord.

Do you think these
is real diamonds?

I don't think somebody
would go to all the trouble

to drop phony
ones out of a plane.

Well, they're tryin'
to tell us something.

I had no idea a doll like this
would mean serious business.

Man, they so mean it.

I think they're
headed for the river.

Wait a minute, take a
left right here by the lake.

Yeah, yeah, we'll cut 'em off in
a place called Willard Junction.

Got you.

'Come on, baby, come on.'

Do somethin', do
somethin'! Back it up.

Life's good for a city boy.

Where are we goin' now?

Better head over to the nearest
phone, that'd be the Boars Nest.

We could call
the FBI from there.

- 'But, Boss, listen... '
- Not now, not now, Rosco.

I'm usin' all my concentration

to get the hang of
these chopsticks.

So I can enjoy a Chinese lunch.

- Damn!
- 'Boss, listen.'

- 'You gonna enjoy this.'
- No, I won't.

After that I gotta go through
all these here papers.

For important state examination.

- Well, Boss, look at this...
- Besides, it's too dang hot.

- Boss, listen, you enjoy money.
- What money?

The money we'll make
from my new invention.

Ta-da.

Listen, Boss, this is
the day of electronics.'

Show him the electronic box.

And now, Cletus, now, he can
take this sign up on the highway

and when some
unsuspecting motorists

come cruising by, well,
then he pushes that red...

Oh! Ha ha ha.

I didn't tell you to
push the button.

I'll bring it back.

Cletus, don't you do that again.

- Again?
- Cletus, will you cut...

Cletus, listen...

That's enough, Cletus.
I like your sign, Rosco.

Alright, stop it, will you?

- I'm not doing it.
- It's out of control.

Shut it off.

I didn't turn it on. It's stuck.

Now, wait a minute.

I've to settle with
an idiot and a moron.

What's goin' on out there?

What's goin' on out here?

Oh, my, look at this,
the jukebox's on fire.

My money's coming out!

My money, my money, my money.

'No, no, no, get away.'

Lookie there, the telephone.

Oh, my goodness.

No, no, no.

Give me that.

Oh, my money.

Stop it. Give my money.

Ah.

What's in that thing?

Well..

No, no, get away from my money.

My money, my money.
Hu-hu-hu, Ican't get it all.

Uh, sheriff, just one question.

Who's the idiot and
who's the moron?

Cletus, that don't
make no difference.

Boss Hogg's just
upset, that's all.

Listen-listen that machine

is the best invention
since outdoor plumbin'.

'Listen, go out
there on the highway'

'and set it up now.'

- Now?
- 'Yeah.'

Sheriff, just one question,
can't you help with this at all?

Are you kiddin' me?

I'm weak as cat
'cause I'm hungry.

I gotta go get a corn dog. Hmm.

Oh.

I gotta go get
myself somethin'...

Ooh! Good grief, Cletus.

I'm goin'.

Do you mean to tell me,
you just let them get away?

No, we did not let them, Lisa.
They just up and disappeared.

After all the trouble
we've gone through

after putting this thing
together for six months. What...

What did you say
they were drivin'?

'An orange car with
a confederate flag'

'painted on top of it.'

'We ain't given' up, Lisa.
We're gonna find 'em.'

I thought it's some
sort of alien being.

Hey, Daisy, whoa..

Holy smoke!

Is one of 'em blond
and one of 'em brunette?

Yeah, how'd you know that?

'Cause they just pulled up

at a place called
The Boars Nest.

Listen, take highway ,
due South and get here

on the double. Okay?

Boss have some
sort of feeding frenzy?

- Ha ha, you could say that.
- Ha!

This is the cutest
little Bugs Bunny doll

I ever saw. Is it for me?

Ah, well, not exactly. It's uh..

- It, uh...
- Where did you get it?

Look, we ain't got
time for that right now.

We have a lotta trouble and
we don't want you to be involved.

We need some
change for the phone.

- It wouldn't help.
- Why not?

- Great.
- What we gonna do now?

Let's head home and
talk to Uncle Jesse.

- We can use the phone there.
- Yes.

- We'll see you later.
- Okay.

- Hey, what's goin' on?
- 'Uh, nothin'.'

'We might wanna borrow
one of these brooms.'

- Yeah.
- Ha ha ha.

Oh, excuse me. Sorry,
this place is such a mess.

- That's okay.
- Can I get you anything, honey?

Uh, well, maybe
a little information.

Oh, sure.

Like, who are those
two good lookin' fellas

who just walked out of here.

Oh, that's Bo and
Luke, my cousins.

Oh, your cousins.

- They're kinda cute, huh?
- He he, they sure are.

I don't suppose
they'd know nothin'

about no moonshinin',
would they?

Are you a revenue agent?

Reve.. Me? No. Not hardly.

I'm, uh, I'm Della Dawn.

'The news columnist.'

- You are?
- Uh-huh.

- You're kiddin'.
- No.

Are you kiddin'?
Are you, really?

Della Dawn. How do you do?

- How do you do?
- Well, I can't believe this.

Right here in The Boars Nest.

- Yeah. What's your name?
- I'm Daisy Duke.

- Daisy Duke, nice to meet you.
- Oh, what a pleasure.

I've read all your
articles on Shine.

I feel like I already know you.

Actually, that's why I'm here

because I want
some more information

about an article, I'm
writing and I thought

maybe, I could find an
expert, you know, somebody

that could really
help me with my story.

- Uh-huh.
- I don't know.

I just thought that
the boys might..

Well, I know Bo and
Luke would love to help you

but the person to talk
to is my Uncle Jesse.

Why, he knows anything about
Shine that you'd wanna know.

- Could I meet him?
- 'Why, sure.'

I mean, I'd really
appreciate talkin' to all of 'em.

Why, I know, they'd
all love to meet you.

'In fact, I'm just
about off-duty here.'

'There's not much I can
do and if you'd like we'll go'

to the farm... That
would be perfect.

Did you ever see anything
like the way them Dukes

can get both feet in the bucket?

Now, Daisy's helpin'
the devil do his work

while Cletus is doin' his.

I gotta hand it to Rosco boy.

This thing's just
slickin' pick on ice.

No, I was afraid it was
gonna be them Duke boys.

I hate to do this
to them but poverty

breathin' down my
neck, it's Hogg rule or die.

Quiet, shh, quiet.

Now, friends, since diamonds
ain't normally delivered

by parachute, even in
Hazzard. I figure, they're hot.

Great, Cletus.

Where the heck he come from?

You got me. Don't
hardly matter though.

We can't let him catch
us with these diamonds.

And if Cletus does catch
'em with the hot diamonds

them Dukes are goin' to be
swappin' names for numbers

at the State Pen.

Now what?

Well, now we know what.

Alright, Cletus is okay.
Let's head for home.

Now, we're about ten
minutes away from here.

- Okay.
- Stay close?

- Don't lose me.
- Okay.

Alrighty.

Now, there's Lisa.
Where's she goin'?

Frank, Lenny, listen.
Follow me, not too close.

I know where the goods are.

When I get where I'm
goin', you stay outside

till I tell you to
come in. Copy?

You got it.

Now, let's see. Bo and
Luke have accidentally

latched on to some hot diamonds.

And just missed being blown up.

And are bein' tracked
by two baddies with a r*fle.

While their pretty
cohort is bein' led straight

to the Duke house by Daisy.

Hmm-hmm, that's
just about normal.

It's pretty easy to
see why them guys

were sh**t' at us.

- Yeah, boy.
- 'Mayville?'

- Them sparkly little things.
- 'This here is Jesse Duke.'

Will you get me the
FBI over in Atlanta?

Will you fellas hush?

Agent Caldwell.

This here is Jesse Duke
over in Hazzard County.

Now, we got us a
problem over here.

Well, Jesse told the
FBI about the diamonds

bein' dropped from a plane.

And the agent asked to
speak to one of the boys.

An eyewitness, you know?

You're talkin' to
Bo Duke here, sir.

Oh, Mr. Duke, you and your
cousin have been very helpful.

Now, the shipment of
diamonds was being flown

to the Atlanta Diamond Exchange

when the plane was
h*jacked enroute.

- Plane was h*jacked?
- h*jacked?

Yeah, the pilot managed to
radio that much information

to us before, whoever it
was, took over the plane.

Now, it was a well
planned inside job.

'The leader is a woman
who infiltrated the exchange'

'to the diamond merchant who
found out about the shipment.'

'Now, she's done that before.'

Well, she sounds
like a real nice lady.

Yeah, well, we'll leave for
Hazzard County immediately.

Now, I should be at your farm

at around, oh,
say, five o' clock.

Hell, Mr. Caldwell, sir, you
got nothin' to worry about.

Diamonds is in good
hands with the Dukes.

Uh, ain't nobody but us
and 'em sharp sh**t

know they're here.

Bye-bye.

Nobody but us and
'em sharp sh**t?

Well, almost nobody.

- 'Oh!'
- 'Yeah?'

'What?'

Oh, Rosco, Rosco, diamonds.
Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds.

You see? Almost nothin'
ever happens in Hazzard

without Boss Hogg
hearin' about it.

'Cause, Miss Mable Telligham
runs the Hazzard switchboard.

And Boss owns her farm.

- Say goodbye from Rosco.
- "Goodbye from Rosco."

I already hung
up, can't you see?

Is that thing on fire?

- I-It might be.
- I still smell smoke.

Alright, don't, don't
pay no attention.

- Just, listen, listen.
- What?

And I can't believe it
but Mable just told me

them Dukes found diamonds
in the North Meadow.

You know that infuriates me.

I went all over that meadow
with my metal detector

and the only thing I found was
cents and a metal muffin.

Rosco, your brain's
a metal muffin.

Them diamonds they found
was stolen and h*jacked.

- And the Duke boys did it.
- 'No, they didn't do it.'

They didn't do it.

Just forget about that thing.

Leave it alone and go on and
swear out a search warrant.

A-a search warrant?

Boss, uh, with a search
warrant for diamonds

isn't that just a
little bit obvious?

That's exactly why we'll say
we're searchin' for Moonshine.

Oh, Moonshine.

Come on, get
out there, will you?

Go ahead.

You're still out there, foolin'
with that thing, ain't you?

- 'I'm goin'.'
- Go to hell.

The General sure picked
up a load of red clay

this mornin', huh?

Nice to know, there's
still paint underneath.

I don't know who pulled
in after Daisy here but, uh

that's our first.

Uh, here we are. Alright.

Look out. Come on, get
outta the way, you guys.

- 'Hey, everybody.'
- Hi.

This is Della Dawn, the
lady from the Atlanta Tribune.

Writes that column.

Oh, well, Miss Dawn,
I've been readin'

your articles about Moonshinin'.

Very good but I had no
idea, they is writ by somebody

as young and
beautiful as you are.

Well, now, aren't you a charmer?

'Uncle Jesse, you should
not have sweet talked'

'that young lady like that.'

Why?

I think, that's what
Bo had in mind.

'These are my
cousins, Bo and Luke.'

Hi, how do you do?

Do very well, thank you.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

Why don't we all go in the house
and have ourselves some ice tea?

- Alrighty.
- Miss Dawn?

You comin' back home?

Come on.

'Atlanta? Uh-huh.'

'Atlanta, Georgia.'

- There you go.
- Thank you.

This is been our place
for three generations.

- Is that so?
- Yeah. It's..

Just sit right down there
and make yourself at home.

- Alright.
- Excuse me, uh.

Say, you still writing that
article on Moonshinin'?

Oh, heh, yes, I am. Uh-huh.

In fact, I'm here
doin' research on it

in Hazzard county.

Well, you couldn't
come to a better place.

Uncle Jesse was the best
Ridge Runner in the whole county.

Maybe, even the state.

- Oh, now, Luke.
- Oh, it's true.

Well, he's got stories.

'Each one more
excitin' than the next.'

Well, I could tell a lot
of good stories, I reckon

but, they'd have to be
off the record, you know?

That's okay.

'Pull in there. Watch
out for the chickens.'

'Chicken Squashed Pie.'

'Yeah, we cut so many as it is.'

'Look at all 'em car parked.'

Alright, let's go. Don't
take all of that, with you.

Come on, come on,
Cletus. Cletus, listen to me.

- What?
- No, you ain't goin' in.

You're stayin' here and
guardin' this door with your life

you hear me? Don't
let nobody in or out.

- Hold it.
- Not him.

Hey, you best get that rabbit.

Yeah, yeah.

'Alright, Dukes, where are you?'

There you are.

J.D., what are you come
bustin' in here about?

Jesse Duke, I got me
here a search warrant.

'To find out if you got
any illegal Moonshine'

'on your premises.
Or on your person.'

- Yeah.
- On my person?

Get rid of it.

'J.D., you know I ain't
made no Moonshine in years.

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you
have and maybe you ain't.

Yeah, maybe you ain't.

- Rosco, start friskin'.
- Right.

- Rosco.
- What?

You touch me and I'll
turn you over my knee.

Well, I think he's clean.

Alright, alright. Well,
then start friskin' in there.

Alright, you Dukes. Alright.

You're lucky, we got
respect for our elders.

Hush. Just Hush.
Hush. Alright, let's see.

I don't wanna dance.

- And, what, Daisy...
- Rosco!

Listen, I don't think the
diamonds are on Daisy.

- Diamonds?
- Oh.

Diamonds?

'Rosco, I ought to take
that tongue of yours out'

'and have it bronzed.'

I sure don't like the fuss bein'
down out here this long, Frank.

- We better go down there.
- No way.

Lisa, says for us
to wait. So we wait.

Yeah, yeah, I know about Lisa.

J.D., this here, warrant of
your says you have a right

to search for Moonshine.
Right there it says "Moonshine".

'Doesn't say anything
about diamonds.'

You know something, Boss?
You know, he's got a point.

Yep. And so is your head.

This here little lady
is the star reporter

from the Atlantic Tribune.

I bet she can come up with
quite a story about the lawmen

in Hazzard trespassin'
on local citizen's property.

It'll probably make
the headlines.

Alright, alright, wait a minute.

We do everything legal in
Hazzard county, I tell you that.

Yeah, give me that warrant.

It won't take us long to
get a very proper warrant

to search for what we want.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

Come on.

Oh, Cletus, is that the
way to guard the door?

Cletus, get on. Get in your car.

Come on, let's go.

Can you imagine them
two comin' in here pretendin'

like they're searchin'
for-for Moonshine?

I tell you, I think those
two finally cracked up.

'Where do they get off
thinkin', we got diamonds'

'hidden around here?'

Me first.

They didn't see
the rabbit, did they?

About that rabbit..

Yeah, Bo, where did you hide it?

I would like the answer to
that too, Bo. Hand it over.

Now, I don't know
about y'all but I am runnin'

out of the things
that can go wrong.

It appears the lady isn't
what she's supposed to be.

Oh, am I sorry I brought
her here, Uncle Jesse.

'There's the signal.'

Come on, let's go down there.

Now, while, ol'
Boss was goin' after

a search warrant for
diamonds that he didn't know

he was carrying in his own car.

The bad boys showed up to
complicate things even further.

If that was possible.

Did you get the diamonds?

I believe I was just about
to. Now, wasn't I, blondie?

- Eh, no, ma'am.
- "No, ma'am"?

Bo, uh, they all have g*ns,
somebody could get hurt.

Now, just give her the rabbit
and let 'em get outta here.

Sir, nothin' would
make me happier

but when Boss and Rosco
came in, I throwed that rabbit

right out the window.

Then just go out the window
and get it and hand it to the lady.

You see, it landed in
Boss Hogg's back seat.

You threw the rabbit
in Boss Hogg's car?

Hey! Hey!

Now, this is no
time to argue, boys.

Let's get goin'.

Lady... you just shot
a hole in my ceilin'.

Wait a minute, sweetheart.

That little ol' fat man

he's got the law
with him, remember?

And he ain't gonna
just roll over and give us

'a bunny full of
diamonds just like that.'

Firstly, he doesn't know
the diamonds are in the doll.

He doesn't know,
the doll is in the car.

You two stay here and take
care of daddy and the little girl.

'And the boys are
gonna go with me.'

Now, you boys know, where
Tubby parks, don't you?

Yeah.

Uh-huh, I thought so.

Well, you're gonna
take me to him.

And you're gonna get
the diamonds for me.

And we gonna take my car.

- Let's move it.
- Go ahead.

We'll be back.

Come on, boys.

- Hey.
- Just move it, plough boy.

You know? That little
lady needs a good spankin'.

Alright, hold up. Pull
up in there, will you?

Come on, we gotta make out
them warrant, comin' to town.

I'm gonna get a corn dog.

Well, then, get me
half a dozen, will ya?

- Cletus!
- Yo.

Get me a corn dog and
get Boss, a half a dozen.

'That's it. Move along, Cletus.'

And you come on, get
me outta here, will you?

- Here you go.
- That's it. That's it.

Oh, Boss, here's your
doll on the back seat.

- My doll?
- Yeah.

Rosco, the only doll I
got weighs pounds.

And goes by the name
of Lulu. Remember her?

My wife? Your fat sister?

But this, this is a Bugs
Bunny doll, you know.

It was on the back
seat of your car.

Yeah, so what? That
don't make it mine.

Some kid probably got
tired of it and threw it away...

Watch it, will you?
Don't throw that on me.

Listen, I just thought that...

- Oh, you thought?
- Uh-huh.

Well, congratulations.

That's a major
breakthrough for your brain.

Look, will you just forget
about this thing? Get rid of it.

'Come on, We gotta
sign a new warrant.'

But, Boss, I just thought

that maybe, you'd
like to play with it.

Rosco, only thing I wanna
play with, are them diamonds.

Before the Dukes turn
'em over to the FBI.

So, just get rid of that thing.

And get rid of that
vicious beast too, will ya?

- Come on.
- It's not a vicious beast.

That's Flash.

Oh, Flash, look what I got.

It's a Bugs Bunny doll.

Say, "what's up, doc?"

You can take a snooze
with him. Go ahead.

Aww, I love that.

Yeah, Flash. Things are rough.

Boss... somethin' wrong?

- Huh?
- Is somethin' wrong?

No. No. No.

Well, it looks like
somethin's wrong.

Uh-uh, on the contrary

I've never felt
better in my life.

On the corner, I just
thunk me up an idea

of how I'm gonna get them
diamonds off them Dukes

without no warrant.

Without no warrant?

He he he. And no
fuss, whatsoever.

- Ha ha ha.
- Oh, good news, good news.

'That's Boss' Cadillac.'

'Pull right in there behind
it. Nice and easy, boys.'

'Don't pull any funny stuff.'

- Bugs Bunny's gone.
- Boss must've found it.

Well, I can't tell you, boys,
how sorry I am to hear that.

Now, uh, don't you go
jumpin' to no conclusions.

Maybe, it's under
the seat somewhere.

Say, pops, why don't
you find a spot to squat?

Don't you call me, pops.

I'll take that pea sh**t
and shove it up your nose.

Uncle Jesse,
please, take it easy.

Here, I'll make you a
cup of coffee, okay?

Make mine strong and
they don't get nothin'.

That's a-tellin' 'em, Jesse.

You ain't gonna be tellin'
me, he ain't under there?

Not, if you really
don't want me to.

Doesn't look too good, boys.

Wait, now, there's a lot of
things that could've happened.

Yeah. It's a long drive.
Maybe it fell out of the car.

Hey, uh, maybe.. We
still didn't check the road.

Yeah, why don't you
check on the road?

Flash?

You little sweetheart.

Now, don't get too close. Flash
is kinda mean, now, ma'am.

Uh, look out, Flash. No,
don't eat them fingers.

- Give me that.
- I'll take that.

Thank you.

We can go now.

- I suppose.
- Come on.

At least she said, thank you.

Freeze!

Now, one sure way
to get ol' Rosco riled up

is to mess with his dog.

Some folks are just like that.

Flash, I saw that.

Those Bugs Bunny nappers
ain't gonna get away with this.

Move over, darlin'.

Buckle up for safety.

'There you are. It's Rosco.'

I don't have to tell you
boys the consequences

to Daisy and the old man,
if you don't shake him, do I?

No, you don't, ma'am. Just
don't worry about it, we'll do it.

Come on, Luke.

I see a new cut-off
into the highway .

'Hope that billboard ain't
made of two by fours.'

- 'Ah.'
- 'Hang on.'

Ooh. Ooh, Flash.

Ooh!

What a horrendous crash.

Ooh!

You boys drive real
nice when you have to.

Thanks.

Th-that's alright,
take it easy, Flash.

That's just Boss.

'Rosco?'

Boss?

'You out there?'

Boss, listen..

Well, when Rosco told ol'
Boss about the Duke boys

snatchin' that doll from
Flash, the lights came on.

The doll! Of course. Of course.

The diamonds are in the doll.

Ooh, listen. Don't
worry about it, I'll get 'em.

Oh, no, no. No,
there's no need to.

That matter's already
bein' taken care of.

Over and out.

Now, you just stay where
you are. Just stay put. Stay put.

- Well, I see you got it.
- I sure did.

What do we do with these yokels?

Hey!

Ain't that somethin'?

That Daisy just won't give up.

- I got him.
- Watch it.

'Hold it!'

Oh, just a minute. You hold it.

sh**t' a hole in my
ceilin' is somethin'...

Shut up!

'Now, don't be stupid.'

'Ain't no reason why
anybody should get hurt here.'

Get out here with that doll.

You're gonna be minus one
uncle and two pretty cousins.

Daisy, I ain't kiddin' you.

Good girl.

Now, let's move it.

Come on.

I had him just
where I wanted him.

Yeah, don't do anything stupid
and go pokin' out your head

'cause you gonna get
blown away if you do.

Come on, get rid
of that blue heap.

That's the last thing
we need, a hot car.

- Let's go get 'em.
- No.

- I mean, wait, fellas.
- Hold it, hold it.

They got g*ns. We don't
wanna get nobody hurt.

Yeah, but...

Besides, they don't
have the diamonds.

I do.

Alright, Daisy!

You only had a couple of minutes
in there. How did ya do that?

I had enough time to replace the
diamonds with costume jewellery.

- 'Good for you, girl.'
- Okay, wait a minute, y'all.

When they find them
diamonds ain't in there

they're gonna be back
here lookin' for 'em.

Yeah, hold it.
Maybe that's them.

I'll go check it out.
Y'all just stay right here.

- Hi.
- Mr. Jesse Duke?

That's right.

My name is Mason.
I'm with the FBI.

Say, that's a good
likeness, Mr. Mason.

Well, thank you. Uh, you
have those diamonds?

Yeah.

Well, could I have 'em?

Oh, well, sure, sure.

- Right there they are.
- Well, thank you.

I'll need you to sign
this paper just to show

that you turned 'em over to me.

Oh, I'll be glad to.

Here you go, "Jesse Duke."

And if you don't mind, I'd
like you to sign this for me.

"Received one bag of
diamonds from Jesse Duke."

- Very good.
- Mason, there you go.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Mason, uh,
what's gonna happen now

when they find out that I ain't
got them diamonds no more?

Well, if it's any comfort
to you, Mr. Duke

I'll arrange for two agents
to stake out this property

just in case of trouble.

Oh, that would be comforting.

Alright. Thank you.

I got the merchandize.
Any other instructions?

'You bet there is, Mason.'

You meet us with
that merchandize

at Primrose Corners
in exactly minutes.

You hear? minutes.

- Alright.
- 'Over and out.'

We got the diamonds.
We got the diamonds.

We got the diamonds.

Now, don't that just blow
your hat in the creek?

As souvenirs from his
moonshine days, old Boss

had got phony license
plates, phony police badges

and even phony FBI credentials.

I'll bet you ol' Boss could
probably get into heaven

if all he needed was a pass.

Eh, Boss, listen, now
I know them diamonds

is gonna make you rich
but, uh, how rich do you figure

of my share of those
diamonds is gonna make me?

Oh, you?

Well, I figure after I cut
them diamonds down

into little itty-bitty pieces
and give you your share

of an itty-bitty piece
of an itty-bitty diamond

While you wind up
with enough to retire.

- Ooh, retire.
- Yeah, in years.

Let's go.

Meanwhile, them
hijackers was gettin'

rid of that stole car in
a pretty positive way.

'Now, let's go spend some
of these diamonds, boys.'

'We've been had!'

That little snip. She
made a switch on us.

This is a pile of junk.

Go back. I'm goin' after them.

I wanna tell y'all
somethin' now.

I'm real proud of this family.

You know, it took a
lot of character today

to call on about them diamonds.

Yeah, not as much
as it took Daisy

to snooker them bad guys, huh?

'Caldwell, callin' Jesse Duke.'

'Come in, please.
Callin' Jesse Duke.'

Yeah, Jesse Duke
here. This is Jesse Duke.

'What you say your
name was? Come back.'

Caldwell, Mr. Duke. You
know, I spoke to you earlier. FBI.

'I've been havin' a lot
of trouble with my car.'

Now, I should be out at
your farm in about, uh..

- Half hour.
- About a half an hour.

- If you're lucky.
- If I'm lucky.

Real lucky.

Real lucky.

That's a big ten-four.

What's up?

We've been snookered.

The next time somebody
tells me, he's an FBI man

I'm gonna give
him the saliva test.

I can still catch up
with that Mason myself.

- Wait a minute.
- Hold on a minute.

We'll take care of him.

- I am going too.
- Maudine, are you alright?

The goats is alright.

That, uh...

It looks like they shot
out your car, Daisy.

Don't laugh too
much, Uncle Jesse,

they got yours, too.

'Ah, dang it!'

I just bought that car.

You'd think they have
more respect for...

They got more
respect for the General.

Come on, let's go.

It's a good thing the
General was there.

Or they would have
to ride that goat.

Meanwhile, the crooks was
headin' back to the Duke farm

hotter than a three dollar
r*fle at a turkey sh**t.

I can't figure out if
that guy wasn't FBI..

The Dukes is tryin' to
get them diamonds back

from the phony FBI agent.

To give it to the
real FBI agent.

Probably named Boss.

It's them! Turn around!

They got too much
of a head start.

Hey, I could take
shortcut or somethin'.

We can't take that
shortcut. There's no road.

That ever stop you before?

Okay, let's take it.

Yaa-hoo!

They jumped the road over there.

You just take the
long way around.

You don't drive like they do.

Now, honey, there ain't
nobody drives like they do.

There you go. Alright.

Now this is the real FBI man.

But he ain't got a
clue to what's goin' on.

And this the phony FBI man.

He ain't much better off.

The Duke boys must be on to us.

They're right behind
me on Highway .

'Now, what do
you want me to do?'

Alright. Just do what
you can to you lose 'em.

Do you hear me?
We're on our way.

'You hear, what I
say? We're on out way!'

Yeah, and so am I,
gentleman. So am I.

Just hurry it up.
Hurry it up, will you?

If them Duke boys get
to hold a of them now.

They gonna turn
it over to the FBI.

But I thought the FBI
was workin' for you, Boss.

Knucklehead, I
mean the real FBI.

Oh, the real FBI.

Well, that makes a
cheese more binding.

There they are.

I can see 'em.

We picked up a tail.

Don't look now. Come
on, drive this thing.

Oh! Oh!

Now, here's a liner.

First, the phony FBI.

Then, Bo and Luke.

Then the badders.

Followed by Boss and Rosco.

sh**t! That many didn't
finish in Charolette last year.

And the real FBI is
comin' right at 'em.

That boy is gonna
need a big net.

'He's got a real hot
engine in that car.'

- Cut through Marley's farm.
- You reckon Bob will mind?

Nah! It ought to
put us right on top.

Ha ha ha.

Alright. Come on.

I have a plan.

Oh, no!

Right there, right
there! Will you?

'Watch it now, will you?'

- Is he alright, Luke?
- Yeah it looks like.

- I got 'em!
- Alright!

'I'll take those.'

FBI, I'll take those.

'Oh, wait a minute. I
found the commissioner.'

And I'll pick them
diamonds. Give me that.

I am the FBI, sheriff.

- What? You?
- That's right.

- That looks real.
- That's because it is real!

Well, now, quiet. Quiet now!

Yes, sir. We just
come to help you there.

Who's Duke around here?

'I'll be obliged if
you just speak up.'

- I'm Luke Duke.
- And I'm Bo Duke, sir.

Thank you, boys, for
all the help you gave me.

Thank you, folks, very much.

It did take some
doin', but the real FBI

got to arrest the
real diamond thieves.

And the real Rosco
to protect himself

from Boss Hogg got to
arrest the phony FBI agent.

They sure didn't want him
fallen into federal hands.

The Duke boys got
a real commendation

of good citizenship.

And as for the real Boss Hogg..

If you're not gonna
really eat that

uh, maybe, I tell
you, I'll help you eat it.

We'll have lunch together, okay?

But it didn't take
but about one bite.

His appetite took right
up to a normal glutton.

And friends, I tell
you, livin' in Hazzard

might be complicated
but it sure is fun.

No wonder, nobody
wants to leave.