03x10 - The Great Santa Claus Chase

[bunniefuu]

It's a typical, hazzard
holiday gathering.

With lots of surprises.

There ain't no trees.
We was h*jacked.

Go after him, go after him.

With-with, who, what?

It was that white-bearded,
red-suited crook

Is nothing scared?

Ho, ho, ho.

Hang on.

'Twere the day before
Christmas, and, what a mess.

So don't go away, you hear?

You're looking at a Hazzard
County White Christmas...

'cause that's as
white as it's gonna get.

It was a good time.

The crops were in,
and the cattle were out.

It was a time for carols,
and words of good cheer.

It was a time for giving.

That is, except
for old Boss Hogg.

Of course, he was
always in for taking.

I want you to get out there
and tug at their heartstrings.

Make them feel guilty.

And get them to cough up plenty.

How're you doing in here?

Uncle Jesse, you're just
in time. I need your finger.

Y'all sure sounded pretty
over there, Uncle Jesse.

It weren't no Tabernacle Choir.

But it's easy on the
ears and fills the heart.

It sure was a good idea,
Cooter, for you and the Scouts...

to make these wreaths and
pre-sell the Christmas trees.

Shouldn't them boys
be rolling into town...

with them trees right about now?

Yes, sir they ought to
be here, any time now.

The boys had
picked up the trees...

for Cooter and the Scouts.

Kind of figures, they'd use
an orange truck, don't it?

Say, did you pick out a
Christmas tree for Uncle Jesse?

It's in the back with
the rest of them.

That's real, real smart.

I tied a ribbon on it.

What the heck is that?

Looks a lot like
somebody's laundry.

Must have fell out the
back of Cecil's truck.

I guess.

What did I tell you?

Somebody's gonna
be awful mad at Cecil.

Let's see what we've got here.

Alright, back off, turkeys.

Nobody gets hurt.

That ain't laundry.

But the Duke boys are
being taken to the cleaners.

- Back, off.
- You're ready, Luke.

"Wishing you...

"a most joyful and
merry holiday season."

Rosco, you know something?

Today sure is gonna be
a day worth getting up for.

For one thing, I've got my
Santa Clauses out collecting...

and for another, if my plan
goes according to schedule...

You will have the
total monopoly...

on all the Christmas trees
sold in Hazzard County.

Not to mention Bo and
Luke Duke behind bars.

Looks like Bo and
Luke don't have a prayer.

Then again, maybe they do.

How do you figure they
knew we was coming?

You got me.

Sitting here ain't
gonna help us find out.

Or get them trees back.

Now, from where I
sit, this whole thing...

smells like it's downwind from
a cow barn on a hot June day.

Ready?

Pretty good.

Give me the plates.

So far, so good.

Be so kind just to
hold that for a second.

For a split second.

I'll just put that... That's
in there a little too far.

I'll just use this...

Hurry, will you please?

Hurry on.

You drove a hole
in the damn pipe.

Cover it up, cover it up quick!

Well, don't use
my hat, would you?

- Howdy.
- How you doing?

- You boys need a lift?
- We sure do.

Are you heading towards Hazzard?

Just happen to be
going that way. Hop in!

Alright, thanks, Reverend.

Okay. Thank you, A.C.

They left the
Christmas Tree Farm...

in Central City
over an hour ago.

Daisy Duke, get over to the
Boars Nest and do a swab job.

The water there's reaching
the high-water mark.

Yeah, you can hang .

Why so glum? Something happened?

Bo and Luke should
have been here...

with the Christmas trees by now.

I sure hope nothing's
happened to them.

- I expect they hit a tree.
- Yeah.

Thanks a lot for
the lift, Reverend.

I'm his humble
shepherd, tending flock...

gathering those who go astray.

Wasn't for you,
we'd still be walking.

- Go with God.
- You bet.

- Thank you, sir.
- Take care, now.

Hey, where y'all been?

- We was h*jacked.
- You were h*jacked?

Halfway between here
and Central City, Boss.

A nice preacher
stopped and picked us up.

Now, ain't that a
kick in the gizzard!

Yeah, whoever would have
done something so despicable?

As soon as we find out, y'all
will be the first ones to know.

Gentlemen.

You left this on the front
seat. It might be important.

Here.

Let's everybody
see what this is.

Look here.

There must be at
least $ in here.

- $ ?
- Wait just a minute.

That ain't ours.

Rosco, cast your eyes on
the front of this envelope...

and tell me and all
those here assembled...

what names you see there.

Bo and Luke Duke.

Do not tell me that!
Bo and Luke Duke.

How did you boys get your
grubby hands on money like this?

Unless...

you're the very hijackers
who h*jacked yourselves.

Just a minute, J.D.

You accusing them boys
of stealing them trees?

You got any witnesses
who say they didn't?

You got any witnesses
that say we did?

Here, I've got
witnesses here.

Which I am now
impounding as evidence.

Rosco, do your duty.

- Come on!
- Wait a minute!

They're stealing my vehicle!

They've got Flash.

Hold it right there!
Just freeze it right there.

Just move it over there. I'm
commandeering this vehicle.

Commandeering?

I'm taking this vehicle
over. I'm in hot pursuit.

J.D., you gotta be three
bricks shy of a load...

Arresting those boy's on
circumstantial evidence.

It ain't right

Hey, stop!

Watch out!

I'm gonna have to get
your car washed for you.

It sure is a dandy way
you figured out to clear us.

A stolen police car?

It's a lot better than trying
to track them hijackers...

from inside Rosco's slammer.

Old Rosco was firewalling
that commandeered car...

and that poor old dude figured
he'd never see Christmas.

With Bo and Luke
running like a scalded cat...

they never even
noticed what laid ahead.

You know, friends, sometimes
fate just seems to dump on you.

Flash?

Flash?

Flash?

Where are you?

Jump out at me now, Flash!

Flash, where were you?

You don't want to do that.

Alright, you, come on out here.

'Twas the night
before Christmas...

and all through the
jail... We got you.

Don't get your tail
over your back, Daisy.

I ain't saying that Bo
and Luke h*jacked it.

What I'm saying is...

Well, it looks kind of funny...

what with all the
evidence Boss got.

Not to mention the word
of a man of the cloth!

Much as I never...

thought that Bo and Luke
Duke would ever stoop so low...

as to hijack the town's
Christmas trees...

facts is facts. Right, Reverend?

No offense to you, Reverend,
but I know my cousins are innocent.

It don't make no difference
what nobody thinks...

we still ain't got no
trees for Christmas.

Now that ain't a fact.

Maybe Bo and Luke Duke have
let the people of Hazzard down...

but not J.D. Hogg.

Folks, listen to this.

I've got a whole truckload
of Christmas trees...

coming into town
this very minute.

This is my favorite
country-fried spaghetti.

I don't care if it's
your lunch hour.

I got my bail money
and I want the boys.

Alright, Uncle Jesse.

But I have to say I'm mighty
surprised at Bo and Luke.

First, I ain't your Uncle Jesse.

You know as well as I do, Bo
and Luke wouldn't steal nothing.

It's none of my business...

but you are paying pretty steep
for a bunch of Christmas trees.

Yeah? When you figure
disgracing them Duke boys...

in front of the whole town...

sending them up the
river for a good long time...

and add in the money I'm
gonna make off them trees...

it's cheap at triple the price.

There's your money, Reverend...

and remember, after you and
your boys deliver them trees...

I want you and them
to disappear. Pronto.

Did you get the money?

Yeah, but nothing to compare...

with what that old geezer's
got sitting in his safe...

just aching to be plucked.

I'm gonna drop you boys off at
a place called the Boars Nest.

I'll call you there.

Where are you going?

Central City. I got a little
Christmas shopping to do.

Me and Bo feel pretty bad about
you spending money on our bail.

It wouldn't have
been no Christmas...

with you two in the pokey.

I don't know who to feelmore
sorry for, Uncle Jesse...

us or people that ain't
got no tree for Christmas.

Feel sorry for us, Bo.

Looks like some other
people will buy trees anyway.

Boss brought in a whole
new set of greenery.

Leave it to J.D.

Might as well. He's
gonna take it anyway.

Don't that truck look like
the one we were driving...

when we got h*jacked?

Yeah, but... No,
it's the wrong color.

It's got a different
license plate, too, Luke.

Trucks can be painted.
And plates can be switched.

There's the ribbon
we tied on the tree...

especially for you, Uncle Jesse.

That proves it then.
That there is our truck.

Yeah, it all begins
to make sense.

What're we waiting for, boys?

You got your own choir
practice, Uncle Jesse.

Me and Bo are gonna see
if we can make Mr. Hogg...

do a little singing too.

Don't do anything foolish.

- I'm running out of bail money.
- Yes, sir.

- Let's get out of here.
- Foolish, us?

Hey, Otis J.

Where's the rest of the choir?

Their folks won't let
them Christmas carol...

for a Duke no more.

So that's the way it is.

Least ways you showed up.

I was the one they
made come tell you.

Uncle Jesse, we don't have
a Christmas tree anyway...

and if you'll sing
lead, I'll sing harmony.

I don't think that'd
quite get it, Otis J.

Tell you what we better do.

We'd better go on
over to the pharmacy...

and get ourselves
a hot chocolate.

Now then, Hogg's
Merchandise Mart and Boutique...

Hogg's Greeting Card
Printing Company...

Boss, you just amaze me...

how your fat little brain
and fat little fingers...

get all coordinated.

Hogg's Mistletoe
and Tinsel Works...

- Boss, can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead.

What are you gonna charge
the people in Hazzard...

for their Christmas trees?

Since they got no choice,
because I cornered the market...

I think three times the
normal price would be fair.

I'll bet you gallons
of gasoline, he ain't here.

You're on.

Say, Daisy, is
Boss in his office?

He's in there counting out how
great his Christmas is gonna be.

- Make that premium.
- Thank you.

- Let's get out of here.
- Easy.

We know who they are,
but they don't know us.

We was wearing masks.

Besides, we gotta
wait for Willie's call.

So relax.

Howdy, I don't suppose you
got a bill of sale for them trees...

you're selling in your lot.

Bill of sale? Of course,
I've got a bill of sale.

Everything I buy is
paid for, fair and square.

You wouldn't know fair and
square with a scale and ruler!

Now, hold on. Just
what are you insinuating?

Nothing much.

Just that them trees in
your lot are the same...

that was h*jacked
from Luke and me.

Just you wait one
cotton-picking minute.

- They are insinulating...
- "Insinuating."

Whatever. That he's
dealing in stolen properties.

- No insinuation meant.
- No, sir. It's a fact.

Here's another fact
for you to chew on.

In addition to all the other
charges against you...

I'm personally suing you
for defamation of character.

You ain't got no
character to defame.

And you ain't got
no trees to sell.

Now just waltz out of here
before I have you propelled out.

Just get on.

He's got a point, Bo.

- Thanks a lot, Boss.
- Come on.

Rosco, don't you let them
Duke boys out of your sight.

They know too much.

Poor old Bo and Luke
was feeling lower...

than a snake's
belly in a wagon rut.

I don't know what happened Luke.

You've never given up that easy.

Without no evidence against
him, he's got us over a barrel.

Well, you better
think of something.

Everybody in town
is starting to believe...

you did hijack those trees.

There's gotta be some
way of tracking them down.

I got it, ma'am.

Hello.

Where are you?

I'm ready to leave Central City.

Listen, there's an old shack out
Route , near Hobson's Creek.

- Meet me there in an hour.
- Okay.

That was Willie. Let's go.

We shouldn't worry
about a thing...

'cause old cousin Luke
will think of something.

- Watch.
- Watch what?

No, the watch that
guy was wearing.

It's the same watch the guy
in the sack was wearing...

when we was h*jacked.

Let's go talk to him about it.

Alright, Daisy. Where's
Bo and Luke off to, anyway?

They're doing
your work, Rosco...

and going off and
proving their innocence...

by chasing those hijackers.

Oh yeah, well...

What are you waiting
for? Go after them!

Yeah. Which? Who? What?

Who? Who do you
think, lamebrain?

- Bo and Luke Duke, right?
- Go!

- Dang.
- What is it?

It's them Duke fellas.

And there's a cop
car right behind them.

You think they recognized us?

I don't know. But let's
not stop to find out.

Hit it. Let's go.

Wouldn't you know
the road the boys...

would be on would be busier...

than a set of jumper cables
at a Hazzard family reunion?

Hang on.

If that truck don't
stop them, Rosco will.

Or gravity.

See what you've done? Now...

Rosco always was
big on desserts.

In all the confusion, old Bo
and Luke lost the tree-nappers.

Sure ain't gonna be
much of a holiday.

Jail sentence hanging
over y'all's heads...

no money for Christmas presents.

That Scrooge Hogg, putting
the squeeze on everybody...

making them pay
for Christmas trees

that had already been
bought and paid for.

- That's it.
- What's it?

How we're gonna
get Boss to tell us...

who them hijackers are
and where to find them.

- You said it, Uncle Jesse.
- I did?

Sure. "Scrooge Hogg." Remember
in Dickens' Christmas Carol...

how them ghosts from
the different Christmases...

came back to haunt him?

They scared him so much
they made him a changed man.

Boss Hogg takes a nap
every afternoon at : .

It ain't midnight,
but it might work.

That's all well and good.

Where are you
gonna get your ghosts?

It might work.

Flash, don't you
peek, now. Good girl.

You were peeking, I can tell.

You gotta keep those...

beautiful brown
eyes of yours closed.

Rosco, that mangy animal
don't ever open its eyes...

long enough to close them.

Well, I don't want her to
see her Christmas present...

before Christmas morning.

It's gonna spoil it for her.

Rosco, you gotta be
dumber than a rock...

to spend your good money on
a Christmas present for a dog!

Alright, get
yourself, that mutt...

and its Christmas
present out of here...

while I take my afternoon nap!

Boss.

Boss, you're eating one of
Flash's Christmas presents.

We gotta go now and let
Boss Hogg have a little snooze.

Merry sleeping.

As Boss settled down and
laid his little, fat head to rest...

the Dukes was
putting theirs to work...

figuring confession
was good for the soul...

and hoping old Boss
had a soul to begin with.

Jefferson Davis Hogg?

Are you listening, J.D.?

Yeah, well... Who's there?

Who are you?

This here is the Ghost
of Christmas Past.

You're the meanest, stingiest...

crookedest man in
all Hazzard County...

if not the entire state.

Yeah, I am.

I just always wanted
to be first in everything.

Dipping sparrows in peroxide...

and selling them as canaries...

Telling poor little orphans...

that Santa Claus is too
old to get around anymore.

Now, hold on, that ain't true!

I've given plenty
at Christmas time!

J.D., the only thing you
ever gave at Christmas time...

was the measles!

I wanted to do more...

but I couldn't. I
kept forgetting.

Boss, this is the Ghost...

of Christmas Future.

Future?

My future is it?

And it ain't too bright.

Matter of fact, you're
gonna need headlights...

to see where you're going.

No money, no widows.

Just plenty of nothing.

How'd I ever get this way?

This is the Ghost of
Christmas Present.

Present?

You better change
your ways, J.D.

Oh, yeah.

That is, while you
still have a chance.

Give back those Christmas trees.

Yes.

Clear those nice,
young Duke boys.

And confess that it was you...

that had their truck h*jacked...

and clear the good name of Duke.

Yeah, I'll confess.

I'll tell you everything.

Breaker One, Crazy
Cooter coming at you.

Got your ears on, Bo
and Luke? Come on.

For a man who'd done as
many tune-ups as he'd done...

Cooter sure had a
bad sense of timing.

Dang! Blast it!

And it looks like Bo,
Luke, and Daisy...

had just blown a big hole
in their Christmas stocking.

You ain't no ghosts. You
didn't fool me for a minute.

I just went along with
you in the Christmas spirit.

Gimme a hand.

Meanwhile, Willie and the
boys were planning to blow...

a big hole in Boss's safe.

I'm sorry, y'all. I just didn't
know what you were up to.

Cooter, it wasn't your fault.
You had no way of knowing.

Tomorrow night's Christmas Eve.

We might as well
forget the whole thing.

Yeah, me and the Scouts
will start taking the money...

back in the morning.

Hold on. These people
bought and paid for them trees.

They're gonna get them.

Bless your little
cotton socks, Luke.

How do you figure on doing that?

We get them the same
way Boss got them from us?

Hold on in there. I hear you.

You know how I
feel about stealing.

There ain't gonna be no
stealing involved, Uncle Jesse.

We're merely gonna relocate
them trees to their rightful owners.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

While Luke stayed
up half the night...

planning to
relocate them trees...

the Reverend and his
boys was fixing to add...

their special touch to
the Christmas season.

I don't know.

Hitting them just
before Christmas Eve...

sounds like it's gonna work...

but they're gonna
recognize us for sure.

Not in these disguises.

Can you think of a better
idea this time of year?

Anderson's should be the
last place I have to deliver.

Luke, how're we gonna
deliver them trees...

without anybody recognizing us?

We're all gonna be
dressed up like Santa Claus.

Six Santa Clauses?

Where're they gonna
get tiny reindeer?

If we go to the center of
town and take all them trees...

Rosco will catch us before
we deliver the first one.

It'll take some fancy footwork.

We make him think
we are where we ain't...

and we ain't where we are.

What we're gonna need is three
pickups. Same color, same model.

- Cooter, does that ring a bell?
- Yeah.

The Alpine Construction
Company. Old Murphy will fix us up.

- Let me call him.
- Absolutely.

I don't see how we're gonna
go to the center of town...

and take them trees from
under everybody's noses.

- It'd take a miracle.
- It's the time of year for it.

- Ho, ho, ho.
- Let's do it to it.

By way of helping
their miracle along...

the boys got the
necessary vehicles...

and helped themselves
to three Santa Claus suits...

courtesy of J. D. Hogg's
Charitable Foundation.

Flav-Smoke. Nonflammable.

Cures ham, bacon,
and assorted game.

The next couple of steps
was mighty important.

So while Cooter set
out to see Rosco...

wouldn't cause
them any problems...

Bo and Luke, that's them...

waited for Boss's bank to close

before creating
a little diversion...

by dropping a couple of
harmless smoke bombs...

inside the empty bank.

Dang! That's my bank.
Call the Fire Department!

I'll just call the
Fire... That's a doozy.

Operation Santa Claus
Christmas Tree was underway.

Boss, the Fire
Department's on its way.

Forget it, there ain't no fire.

Just a lot of smoke
coming from this thing.

Flav-Smoke. Somebody wants
my bank to smell like a ham.

It does smell like a
little bacon, doesn't it?

- My Christmas trees!
- No, it's more like bacon.

That Santa Claus
is stealing my trees.

Just don't stand
there, rabbit-brain!

Stop that truck! Follow
that Santa Claus!

You can't trust nobody
nowadays! Freeze!

That's terrible. Santa
Claus stealing? I never.

I mean, that is
the epitome of...

Rosco, you did it again!

Come out.

Come out of there. Come on out.

No, sir, it never rains,
but it pours on Rosco.

Then again, if you think
it's all clear and sunshine...

for Santa Claus...

Look out, Luke!

You don't know how fast
things can change in Hazzard.

Boss will k*ll me.

Cletus, you had them,
then you lost them again.

Had who? Lost who?

Santa Claus. He stole
the Boss' Christmas trees.

Santa Claus did?

- It ain't the real Santa Claus.
- No, it ain't the real one.

What am I saying?

- You said...
- I know what I said.

It was that white-bearded,
red-suited crook in the truck.

In the truck.

Him and his thieving
partners took my trees.

Didn't you see them?

- Well, I...
- Forget it.

Just get in your car and
cover Hazzard north and west.

Rosco and me will get in
mine and cover the rest.

Get in there, will you?

There it goes.

While Boss, Rosco,
and Cletus were out...

chasing their three Santas...

three other Kris Kringles were
off to partake of Boss' bounty.

Okay, everybody knows his
starting position and his route?

Yes, sir.

We'll load up with as
many trees as you can...

and then come back for
more when you run out.

Just so as you don't
get all muddled...

Santa Cooter's in Pickup A...

Santa Bo's in Pickup B,
and Santa Luke's in Pickup C.

Golly, it's gonna work.

Now, you better stay alert...

'cause it could get
a little bit puzzling.

Which is exactly what
it's supposed to do...

to Boss, Rosco, and Cletus.

Santa Claus! I just seen him!

- Where, Cletus?
- Heading east on Mill Road.

I'm down and gone.

We'll nail him when he
intersects with Route .

Rosco, shift your brains
out of neutral. And move it!

Put that thing to the floor!

Ho, ho, ho! Merry
Christmas, Boss!

Cletus? You've got a
hole in your screen door!

He's going north, not east!

No, not east. Now
he's going west!

That's impossible!

- He's going north!
- What?

Cousin Boss, if that's true...

would somebody tell the sun
it's setting in the wrong place?

Here you go.

Thanks, sir.

I still got a feeling...

I should've gone
along to help out.

Uncle Jesse, don't go get
yourself puckered up about this.

After all, if Bo and Luke need
help, they know where you are.

Guess you're right.

Boars Nest was kind of
deserted on Christmas Eve.

But, even then,
some folks gotta work.

Just you play it cool.
And shut your traps.

See if that's a closet.

That's what it is.

Move to the closet
without any fuss.

You fellas wouldn't
happen to be the ones...

that h*jacked the
Christmas trees, would you?

What's it to you, Grandpa?

I ain't your grandpa.

I was just curious.

Get in there.

Merry Christmas!

Alright, hold it here.

Dancer to Blitzen,
got a blizzard...

on my tail, my sled's
out of presents...

and I need a great big
ho, ho, ho! Come on.

Blitzen to Dancer,
I'm on my way.

- Alright, I say south.
- Boss, I say east.

You don't know
your east from your...

There!

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas.

He ain't got no trees with him.

And you ain't got no
brains. Follow him. Come on!

While Willie and
the boys started...

to open up their
Christmas present early...

Bo, Luke, and Cooter continued
to spread Christmas cheer...

and Boss, Rosco, and Cletus
all around Hazzard County.

Merry Christmas. We'll see
you about midnight, then.

- Is that a promise?
- That there's a promise.

Flapjacks on a Ferris wheel. I
must have lost him, Cousin Boss.

No, we got him. He's
heading west on Piker's Ridge.

West.

Did you say west?
That ain't west. That's...

Cousin Boss...

could you send somebody
out here to get me?

I'm lost.

We've got all we could
get. Come on, let's move out.

Move it! Move it!

You heard what the
man said. Let's move it.

If them crooks get
across the county line...

Bo and Luke will be years
getting home for Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho, cousin.

Well, that's the way
it's still going out here.

Bo, Luke, and Cooter
playing hide-and-seek...

with Boss, Rosco, and Cletus...

while Daisy and Jesse
are trying to catch...

their three Santas.

There ain't but six
Santas here, friends.

Thanks, Uncle Jesse.

Well, Boss, I
guess we lost them.

What do you mean "we" lost them?

You and me...

Rosco, you ought to sue
your brains for nonsupport.

I'm gonna find them again.

You couldn't find the
floor if you fell out of bed!

Shepherd to Abandoned Sheep!
We need you at Indian Road.

- What? Who was that?
- Who cares?

Just keep your eyes peeled.

They gotta be coming
along here sooner or later.

Look at that! Did you see that?

There are three Santa
Clauses. Three of them!

No wonder we couldn't find them

and been chasing
all over the place!

Wonder what happened to
the pickup they were driving?

Obviously, they
had their little elves...

make them a blue
car for Christmas.

Come on, follow
them, you dingbat!

Come on, get this
thing started. Move it!

Uncle Jesse!

Cletus, this is your
superior officer speaking.

They're headed down
Indian Road toward...

Bear's Hollow! You got that?

Ho, ho, ho! This here is
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Duke...

calling Blitzen.

I've done made all my rounds.

Head back to Santa's
village, Rudolph!

Dancer? You got your ears on?

Got my ears on,
my sled's empty...

and I'm heading for
the Pole. I'm gone.

Let's all go home.

And a Merry
Christmas to one and all.

If any of you folks out there
happen to be in the vicinity...

of Indian Road and
Bear Hollow Junction...

y'all better move.

Alright, you three,
out of there. Let's go.

Let's go, you merry men.
Come on out of there.

Boss had a mighty
tough decision to make.

He could order Rosco to
arrest the three Santas...

who'd stolen his trees...

that he'd stolen from them.

Or he could order the
arrest of the three...

who'd stolen the trees...

that had just been stolen
from him after he had stolen...

Well, you get the idea.

What really made
up Boss' mind was...

Jesse showing him
the sacks of money...

that had been stolen
from Boss's safe...

while he was off chasing
Bo, Luke, and Cooter.

Rosco, these Santa
Clauses. These are the ones.

And so, all charges against
the Dukes were dropped.

Christmas Eve came to Hazzard.

That is, everywhere in
Hazzard but the Boars Nest.

You're not supposed
to open the Christmas...

present until Christmas.

It's just a little present
from Flash and me.

A Christmas Carol?

By who? Charles Dickens.

- Little Charlie Dickens.
- Never heard of him.

Mrs. Perkins down
there at the bookstore...

said that was a
Christmas classic.

Humbug.

Let's you and me get
ourselves some beer.

Boss, I'd just love to...

but I gotta go out
to the Duke farm.

You're not gonna believe this,
but after all that happened...

that Duke family has done
bought Flash a Christmas present?

- They did?
- Yes.

He just can't wait to see
what it is. I can't either.

- Boss, Merry Christmas.
- Oh, yeah, you bet.

Merry Christmas,
little fat buddy.

I just can't wait
to see what it is.

And with Lulu away...

old Boss was as
lonely as old Waylon...

on the night of the Country
Music Association Awards.

Boss began to read about
old Ebenezer Scrooge...

the meanest, stingiest,
uncaringness person...

in the whole wide world.

He read about what
Scrooge had done...

to his former partner, Marley...

to Bob Cratchit, and,
of course, to Tiny Tim.

"'Oh, spirit, ' said Scrooge...

"'tell me if Tiny
Tim will live.'

"'I see a vacant seat,
' replied the Ghost."

He read about the
Ghost of Christmas Past...

the Ghost of
Christmas Present...

and the Ghost of
Christmas Future.

Look on, there. Read
that. What's that say?

It says, "Merry
Christmas, Flash."

- Oh, J.D.
- Hello, Jesse.

I was just wondering...

if y'all could spare a
little Christmas cheer...

for one of your fellow
citizens? Namely, me.

J.D., you just get
yourself in here.

Merry Christmas, J.D.

Hey, everybody, look
who's come to see us.

- Wow, J.D.
- Merry Christmas.

Yeah, it's me. Merry
Christmas, everybody...

and God bless us, every one.

Why don't you join in with us?

Come on, everybody,
let's do Deck the Halls.

Shh.

Listen.

Did you boys put bells
on Maudine the mule?

- No, sir.
- Do you reckon?

Listen, now don't laugh.

If it could happen anywhere...

it would happen
in Hazzard County.