02x02 - Gold Fever

[bunniefuu]

Hang on.

The gold rush is on
in Hazzard County

and everybody wants their split.

The eyes of Texas are upon you.

Cause I got a feelin' these
here rhinestone cowboys

'are tryin' to cover
somethin' up.'

'Gold, gold?'

Get 'em! I want them
greedy gold-grabbin' Dukes.

The boys need our
help. Let's get goin'.

- I can't watch.
- Me neither.

'Yee-haw!'

Hazzard County, when you
see the Duke boys barreling along

you can bet somethin's cookin'.

Cooter said Doc left town
about ten minutes ago.

If we're gonna catch
'em, you better step on it.

Bo, now, don't drive reckless.
Don't hurry on my account.

Uncle Jesse, we ain't
lettin' another sun set

without gettin' that tooth
of yours taken care of.

I swear, the only thing
more painful than a toothache

is a earache you
get from listenin'

to somebody bellyaching
about his toothache.

You got that right. Hey!
There he is, straight ahead.

'Alright.'

Hi, Jesse. Hi, boys.

Hey, Doc, pull over. Uncle
Jesse's got a toothache.

What? I can't hear you?

I said, he's got a toothache.
He's got to have it looked at.

You know, there are some
people who'd eat a live rattle snake

head first, than to sit
down in a dentist's chair.

And you're lookin'
at one of them.

I'm goin'. Just don't rush me.

Matter of fact, I could've said
gettin' Jesse to see a dentist

was like pullin' teeth.
But I got my pride.

Come on, Jesse, open
your mouth. Don't fight me.

Uncle Jesse, would you
please open your mouth

for the nice dentist?

This puts me in mind at a
time when ol' Jesse was laid up

and widow Campbell stopped
by in the middle of the night.

Now, Luke, you can do..

- What was that?
- Just somethin' to relax you.

You'll feel better
in a minute, Jesse.

That wasn't fair, Luke.

Now, let's take a look.

A-ha.

Ah, Jesse, you've got
some deep cavity there.

Can't stop to fix it now, Jesse.

I got an emergency
over at Spencer Creek.

But in the meantime, I
have some pain pills for you.

Take them, 'cause
you're gonna need them.

Look. Luke, I want you
to make sure he takes

one of those every four hours.

- Alright. No problem.
- Okay?

- Jesse, I'll see you at .
- I'll be waitin' for you.

Thank you, Doc.
Come on, Uncle Jesse.

- Try to live through this.
- Come on.

- Get out of the chair.
- Well.

Thanks, Doc. Ha ha ha.

- Watch your step.
- 'Yeah.'

And so Jesse and the boys
headed back to the farm.

If that's all gonna
happen this mornin'

we could all sit back and
watch the pump drip dry.

But that's just a warm
up for what's comin'.

You see what I mean?

Nice goin', Buck.

I heard that axle snap
the instant we hit the rock.

Well, it should've. It took
me long enough to file it.

- You alright, back there?
- Oh, I am fine, just fine.

Here come the locals.
Let's make it look good.

Gosh, you guys alright?

No thanks to you
stupid road hogs.

Uh, hold on, hoss, it wasyou
who almost crashed into us.

What did your buddy
here do, anyway?

Take a correspondence
course in drivin'?

Do you hear that,
Buck? They're blamin' us.

Well, I'll take you home.
They say blondes are more fun.

Buck, Dusty. Let's
knock it off, boys.

These two rubes wrecked our car.

Yeah, it might've
been deliberate.

How'd we know word hasn't
leaked 'bout what we're carryin'?

I said knock it off.
Uh, sorry, gentlemen.

I'm H.H. Harkness from Houston.

I'd be glad to pay
for repairs to your car.

- Is there a garage in the area?
- Yeah! Cooter's garage in town.

I give him a holler on the CB

he'll have the dragon
wagon out here in no time.

I'm mighty obliged, gentlemen.

Boys, if you're worried about
bein' able to protect our cargo

I think a little target practice
might be in order here.

Right. Ha ha.

Whatever that cargo is, they're
serious about protecting it.

I think we best reach
Cooter on the CB.

Uh, Mr. Cooter,
sir. How bad is it?

It's real bad. If it was a
horse, we'd have to sh**t it.

Even that axle is
busted clean in too.

It's gonna take me
about day and a half

to get you another one.

- A day and a half?
- Day and a half.

Mr. Harkness. Uh, what about
our, uh... you know, cargo?

Yeah, we sure can't leave
it lying around this dump.

You boys just calm down.
The sooner we get outta here

the sooner this fine
mechanic can go to work.

It looks like an
over-nighter for you boys.

About the best we can do
is offer you the hospitality

of the Hogg Hilton.

Hogg Hilton, sounds
inviting. I think I'll pass.

If you boys could show us the
hospitality of your town bank.

Now, Boss Hogg might
not welcome the Dukes..

But even if the bank was closed

he'd gladly meet a grisly
bear if it had a wallet.

How do you do, sir?
You wanted to meet me?

It's my great pleasure.
Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm J.D. Hogg. President of
this grand ol' banking institution.

Mr. Hogg, this here is
Mr. Harkness from Texas.

You two boys, vamoose.

Rosco, get 'em out.

- Yeah, you riffraff...
- No, not him!

Oh, I'm so-I'm sorry about that.

- Them!
- Luke, get your..

Come on, come on.

Come on, Bo, we already got
last year's calendar anyway.

Please sit down here, sir.

Now, then, how can I
be of service to you?

Mister, uh, uh, mister, uh..

Uh, Harkness. H.H. Harkness.

Harkness Oil, Harkness Steel
and of course, Harkness Copper.

Well, a big hello to each
and every one of you.

I'll be stayin' in your town
overnight, due to the fact

that my limousine was wrecked.

I'd like to use your bank vault
for some storage for one night.

I see.

What size box would you require?

A little-bitty box?
Medium size box?

- The whole vault.
- Oh, the whole vault.

'Mm-hmm.'

The whole vault!?

You... well, well,
well. Let me see now.

That could be very expensive.

Would , cover
all your expenses, sir?

$ , ?

For the one night?

Is that amount
acceptable, Mr. Hogg?

Siree, that's not only
acceptable, it's accepted.

My, oh my!

Say, what do you got in
there that's so valuable?

A U-Haul oil well?

That's funny.

Is that... gold?

I-I-I mean, uh, gold, gold?

bars, worth a , a piece

for a grand total of $ million.

Ghkuh-ghkuh. $ million dollars.

That's an awful lot of
illegal parking tickets, Boss.

Rosco, go write someone
one of them parking tickets

and get lost, will you?

Well, you see, sir, I
was, uh, transferrin'

some of my bullion,
from my Houston bank?

- Uh-huh.
- To a new bank down in Atlanta.

I don't trust those armored
cars. I just trust my own men.

Uh-huh.

Sir, you think my
gold will be safe here?

Oh, yes, sir. Heh heh.

As safe as a possum
up a mile-high pine tree.

- Then we have a deal.
- We certainly do have one.

Mister, um, $ , for the
one night. Now, that was our deal.

Good.

Then, sign here.

I'll just get the vault
open. And then..

Sign here? Sign what here?

Oh, it's just a promissory note,
obligates you and your bank

to my $ million in gold.

But you have my
word on that, sir.

I'd rather have
your signature, sir.

But my word is bindin', sir.

Not as binding as
your signature, sir.

You sure drive a hard bargain.

- I'll just..
- Ooh! Ooh!

It's just that I'd never seen
gold, I mean, real gold before.

'I mean, I've-I've seen
gold, I mean, I got gold.'

'I got gold in my,
uh, chompers.'

'Now, you can, uh, look
in there, now, it's a lot.'

Boss is offerin' H.H. Harkness
the use of his deluxe loan car.

A deluxe suite at his hotel
and an invite to a deluxe lunch

at the Boars Nest.

You know, the smell of
big money could turn Boss

from a hog into a p*ssy cat.

Now, I smell a con,
and you smell a con.

Then why you reckon Boss can't?

Rosco, why in the world
would them Duke boys

my sworn enemies, do
me such a good deed?

Bringin' me ,
samolians on a gold platter.

'I smell somethin' fishy.'

Mm-hmm, that's the smell.

Like a fish in the sun.

Oooh!

Or, somethin' just
as bright and shiny..

That's it, Rosco, I've hit it!

How you doin' over there?

Rosco, this is clear
as spring water.

Them Duke boys set
this whole thing up.

They wrecked that limo.
They brought Mister, uh..

- The Texan!
- Texan!

- What's-his-name to the bank.
- Mm-hmm.

They intend to get their
hands on that $ million in gold.

Why, those thievin'
Dukes, I'll just...

Oh, hush, hush, hush,
hush, hush... big mouth.

- Now, listen.
- Hmm.

You go and arrest them
Duke boys and lock 'em up.

Get 'em off the streets
until them Texans leave town

or take their gold with them.

Oh, wait. B-boss,
I-I'm gonna arrest 'em

but I-I need some grounds.

- Grounds?
- Mm-hmm, grounds.

- That's what you need?
- I need some grounds.

You got $ million
grounds right now.

Ooh! I have, haven't I?

I'll get 'em, I'll get
'em, and I'm goin'.

'Sherriff?'

'This here's me, the deputy.'

'Your deputy, Enos.'

'I'm gonna slip
around the back.'

'Goin'.'

Alright, attention
in the farm house.

This is your sheriff..

- Rosco.
- Under arrest?

- What's he doin'?
- I don't know.

Alright, Bo and Luke
Duke, I want you to come out

with your hands up now,
'cause I'm arrestin' ya.

For what, Rosco? What's
the charge this time?

The charge is reckless
drivin', runnin' that limousine

'off the road and
harassin' the tourists.'

Get out from front
of that window.

You don't know what
he's gonna do. Rosco!

I'm not kiddin',
you come out here.

That was them
other fellas fault.

- 'I was there and I'd seen it.'
- Jesse, you old goat.

Now, listen, you know those boys
are gonna pull the biggest heist

in history and I
know all about it.

'Now, I want 'em to come
on out. Come on out, now!'

- What heist's he talkin' about?
- I ain't got no idea at all.

I'll bet you potatoes to turnips

that J.D. Hogg has
put him up to this

and they're settin' you
fellas up for somethin' bad.

We sure ain't gonna find
out if we're sittin' in jail.

Yeah, let's go out this way.

'I've waited long
enough. Now listen.'

If you're not out here
by the count of three

I'm gonna come in and get ya.

You hear me? I'm gonna
count to three and I'm past two.

Oh, no, you don't, Rosco.

Not without wipin'
off your feet first.

'You're not trackin'
up my house.'

'Rosco! Now, why don't
you just put your g*n away?'

'Settle down. Come on in
here and let's talk this over.'

I'll build you a sandwich.

I don't want no sandwich,
Jesse. I want both tho..

What kinda sandwich?

I ain't got time to socialize
with you now, Uncle Jesse.

'Come on, now, and
send them boys out here.'

It's hot out here, and
I'm standin' in this sun.

And I ain't gonna do
it much longer now.

'I'm gonna make
my move. I'm gonna..'

'I've got you surrounded.'

'Now, I've given you
enough time now.'

It's past dinner.
Alright, listen.

I'm gonna give you one more
chance, and then I'm comin' in.

Freeze! Freeze!

Well, you can't
say this rat killin'

ain't off to a
bang-up beginnin'.

Aw, succotash!

Enos, you dipstick!

What're ya hidin' in the
hay for? Get back in there!

Watch it.

I'm watchin'.

They're still chasin'
us. We're in trouble.

We're in trouble.

Alright, Enos, hold 'er
steady and we got 'em!

If you say so, sir.

Got any bright ideas?

- I can't watch.
- Me neither.

Ooh, ooh.

I don't know about you,
cousin, but I'm gettin' sick

and dang tired of
bein' chased by Rosco.

Especially when we don't
know what we're bein' chased for.

Yeah. Seems like a
raw deal. Even for Rosco.

I guess it's time
to try a little general

Gibb Stewart philosophy,
"as*ault the attacker."

Ye-aa-hoo!

You goin' campin', Mr. Hogg?

No, no, no. It's just that them
Duke boys are on the loose.

I'm sure you've heard of them.
Up to no good, very dangerous.

Therefore, I intend to sit
right here all through the night

and personally guard your gold.

Ah!

Rosco, get your hands
off this, can't you?

Now just get out there
and guard the front door.

- Yes, sir. I'm goin'.
- You too.

- Mr. Hogg, you forgettin'?
- What?

Why, you invited
me to lunch, sir.

Lunch? Oh, the responsibility
of guardin' your gold

has driven away my appetite.

Well, I thought we could
discuss the possibilities

of you handling all of
my banking business.

All of your banking
business? Well, why me?

After all, I'm just a little
old simple country banker.

I think you might
have hit on somethin'.

You see, the larger
banks in the larger cities

have an obligation to report
certain transactions to the...

To the government, eh?

Like the banking commission?

You are a bright man, Mr. Hogg.

Yeah!

I can see that you and I are
both of the same mind, sir.

We know that what they
don't know won't hurt us.

- About our luncheon, sir?
- Oh, yes, our lunch.

I think I hear my stomach
startin' to rumble just now.

Rosco, Rosco, come
back in here, will you?

'I'm comin', I'm comin'.'

I'm goin' to lunch. Now,
you and Enos stay here.

Don't move.

Don't worry, Mr. Hogg.
We don't need any help.

Well, you're gonna
get it, just the same.

And when I finish
lunch, I'm comin' back.

I'm gonna sit sure that
everything goes right here.

So I want you all to
stand guard meanwhile.

Now, Rosco, you watch
Buck. Buck, you watch Dusty.

And Dusty, you watch Enos.
And Enos, you watch Rosco.

And when I get back,
I'm gonna watch all of you.

Uh, Mister..

Now, you got that, Enos? Now,
I watch him and you watch him..

You, Enos, you watch
him. He's a little bit bigger.

You know, only in Hazzard County

could a fellow have
to prove he's innocent

of a crime that ain't
even been committed yet.

Since the boys had
to stay out of sight

they figured they'd be
where nobody was lookin'.

And since the
boys needed an ally

they decided to
drop in on Cooter.

Y'all done scared my dog. I
felt the attic rats were after me.

- Hey, Cooter.
- Alright.

Cooter, we just can't
seem to pick our friends.

You got any idea why Harkness
was so hot to meet Boss Hogg?

No, but I'll tell you one thing.

That accident, it
wasn't no accident.

That old axle had been
about hacksawed about in half.

Are you sure about that Cooter?

Yeah, I'm sure. Not only that.

There was somethin'
very heavy in the trunk.

- Well, what was it?
- I don't know.

They hauled it to the
bank 'fore I could look at it.

I wouldn't mind knowing either.

Rosco claims we're fixin'
to pull the biggest bank heist

in Hazzard history.

It sounds to me, he's fixin'
to pull the biggest frame up

in all of Hazzard
County history.

Hi, Luke. Hi, Bo.

Say, Cooter,
Sheriff wants to know

when Mr. Harkness
car's gonna be ready.

Possum on a gumbush.
Y'all under arrest now.

What's the charge, Enos?

You gotta ask the sheriff that.

I gotta run y'all
in. I'm sorry, boys.

Well, we're awful sorry
too, Enos. Ain't we, Bo?

Oh, yes, sir. We
sure are sorry, Enos.

Or else like Uncle Jesse says

it's better to be
safe than sorry.

It sure is. Here you go, Enos.

'Stop, y'all are under
arrest! I'll sh**t! I'll sh**t!'

Stop! Y'all stop!
Ding-dang sheriff!

What? Enos! Catch 'em! Freeze!

Stop blowing that
whistle, they're not dogs!

Freeze! Freeze!

Uh!

Enos, come back! You dipstick,
I'm supposed to be in front.

In order to impress his visitor
Boss shut the Boars Nest down.

Dressed Daisy up.
And went whole Hogg.

Sir, I certainly hope
that you're enjoying

this little touch of
Hazzard County hospitality.

Mighty impressed, yes, sir.

- Chitlins and champagne.
- Yeah.

I'll drink to that.

Daisy, some more
county yams for Mister..

Uh, Mister..

My soon-to-be
business associate.

Comin' right up.

Here you are, sir.

No, thank you, little darlin'.
I've had quite enough.

'Food, that is.'

Careful, Daisy, honey, the
eyes of Texas are upon you.

Holy animal, what was that?

Uh, probably just those big old
rats in the kitchen again, Boss.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

What are you fellows doin'?

Rosco and Enos are tearing
up the countryside lookin' for you.

And we're tryin'
to figure out why.

Now, we've been
talkin' with Cooter.

It looks like it's got somethin' to
do with Boss and them Texans.

And whatever they got
hidden in that limousine.

- 'This is Rosco P. Coltrane..'
- Shh. Come on.

'You got your fat ears
on, Boss? Come on.'

'That's my Sheriff.'

Good man. Probably callin'
in to let me know everything's

goin' along just fine.

J.D. Hoggs here, Rosco. Go
ahead, what's the good word?

I just thought you'd
like to know, Boss

that I single-handed
drove off the Duke g*ng

all by myself as they
att*cked the bank.

- 'Come on.'
- att*cked the bank? I knew it.

My gold! Hogg, remember,
you are responsible.

What about the gold,
Rosco? The gold.

'You don't have to
worry about that, Boss.'

- 'They didn't get near it.'
- Good.

And, when you
capture them Duke boys

just throw them in
the slammer. Over.

Well, that's a
negatory, little buddy.

Uh, in fact, they did escape.

But we're after 'em and we're
gonna get 'em. Ghkuh-ghkuh.

Alright, forget 'em, let 'em go.

Just get yourself back
to the bank, bonehead.

And don't you move
an inch. I'm on my way.

Just remember, Hogg. If
anything happens to my gold

you owe me $ million dollars.

I remember.

So that's what boss is up
to, they had gold in that trunk.

And Boss is bent out of shape
because he's responsible for it.

- We better get goin', Bo.
- Where to?

The bank. Somethin'
happens to that gold

it could mean up to
years for somebody.

- Let's make sure it ain't us.
- For once.

- Now, you take care, fellas.
- 'Don't we always?'

Hello, Boss.

Oh, can it, I got to
check out this vault.

- What's goin' on here?
- Possum on a gumbush.

My gold, it's gone.

No! This is the Saturday end.

You two supreme
dodos of all time

have let the Duke boys
get away with $ million.

You better be prepared
to make good for it, Hogg.

What happened, Buck? Who did it?

I don't know, H.H. A couple of
guys slugged us from behind.

- I couldn't see who they were.
- I know who it was.

Rosco, I want them
Duke boys, dead or alive.

If you ask me, I don't
think the Dukes stole it.

Nobody asked you, dipstick.

I bet my soul, those Duke
boys would steal that gold.

And so they did.

Well, there they are.
Why don't we ask 'em?

Hmm, I hope that Texas dude
ain't as good as hitting people

as he is at sh**t'
whiskey bottles.

Ah!

Rosco, Enos,
after 'em! After 'em!

I want them greedy
gold-grabbin' Dukes!

Get 'em, or I'm ruined.

You know, I figure that Texas
fellow missed on purpose.

No reason to sh**t at the
only folks he can blame.

Sorry, Mr. Terwilliger, I just..

Enos, will you back it up,
you dipstick? Back it up!

Who took that gold anyway?

I reckon it's a toss-up
between Boss and them Texans.

We gotta find out fast, before
we end up in the state pen.

Or the county morgue the way
them Texans like to sh**t off.

Bo and Luke come in. Do you
hear me? This is your Uncle Jesse.

I got you, Jesse. Talk to me.

There's a certain fellow
that's got somethin' big for you.

Who's that?

The only fellow that I
know that can do anything

with a car that there is to do.

It's Cooter. We got you,
Uncle Jesse. That's a big - .

Alright, hold on.

Now, only Bo and
Luke could pull into town

in a big orange car
with a big " " on it.

And sneak across the
roofs to get to Cooters'.

The reason it works is nobody
in Hazzard ever looks up.

They might get hit by
somethin' on the ground.

Ahh, ahhh, ahhhh!

sh**t fire.

You want me to cut y'all a
hole up there in the ceiling?

Cooter, I'm sorry we had
to drop in on you again

but Jesse said you
had somethin' big for us.

Indeed I do. You'll feast your
baby blues on this right here.

This is the state of Texas hot
sheet. Stolen motor vehicles.

- Mm-hmm.
- Lookee right there.

Stretch limo, silver, same
year, same model, Texas plates.

And it is true the
numbers don't match

but I got a feelin' these
here rhinestone cowboys

are trying to
cover somethin' up.

I think I catch
your drift, Cooter.

Let's take a look.

Let's see.

A little Luke Duke magic here.

Here we go, come on.

Yep, they was tryin'
to cover somethin' up.

Gentlemen, this here
is the same limousine.

Would you look at that?

- Frick and frack.
- Uh-huh.

They're hopping in that
loan car that Boss gave 'em.

Heading out of town
without Harkness.

Wonder what 'em dudes is up to?

I ain't sure, but
it's time to find out.

- Come on.
- Got it.

Keep between the ditches.

Rosco and Enos have a great
sense of time, showing up again.

Would you look at that?

- Ain't no livestock in there.
- Hang on.

'Request permission
to come aboard.'

You know, I bet if Enos
and Rosco follow the Dukes

into that truck, they're
still gonna lose them.

Trucker, listen, did you see
a vehicle go roaring by here?

It was orange, had an " "
on it and a rebel flag on the top.

Ain't nothin' been
by here in an hour.

Oh, oh. Well, thank you anyway.
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

Listen, get this rig
off the side of the road

or I'll give you a ticket.

The way that rear
end was bottoming out

they must have both Boss
and Lulu in there. Come on.

Who'd thought it'd be
this easy, eh, Dusty?

Especially, the first time out.

Oh.

Harkness was right.

There's a whole world of
suckers out there just waitin' on us.

I can't believe how
perfect everything worked.

I mean, rustling that limousine

then that fake accident
with them two rubes.

By now, Harkness has
probably got that old Hogg

roasting over a barbeque.

Come on, best be gettin' back.

So, that's their angle.

They stole their own gold so
Boss would have to come up

with the $ million recovery.

But I don't understand
why they're gonna leave

$ million dollars in gold
out in the middle of the woods.

I got me a hunch.
Let me se that.

Lead.

Those guys are crookeder
than Old Mount Parron Road.

Well, we better get goin',
boy. Grab one of 'em bars.

We gotta fill Boss in on this
before the rap comes down on us.

You got that right.

Hey, wait a minute.
Why are we running, Bo?

Luke, Rosco is chasing us!

Yeah, but we're
on his side this time.

We got the evidence, right?

I apologize.

Anytime my foot hears a
siren, it goes right to the floor.

I can't believe it.
I think I got 'em.

I think I got 'em. I got 'em!
This time I really got 'em.

Yee-hoo!

I gotcha! Ha ha!

Freeze!

Freeze it! Freeze it!

- Easy with that pea sh**t.
- Alright. Alright. Spread 'em.

Have you been watching TV again?

Don't give me any
lip. Now spread 'em.

I caught you, didn't I, huh?

I been after ya all this
time, finally wore you down.

Now I caught ya. Ghkuh-ghkuh.

Rosco, we let you
catch us because we're...

You're not gonna talk
your way out of it this time.

Now, just stand away car,
'cause I'm gonna search it.

Ooh, ooh, Judas
priest on a pony.

Oh, it's the gold.

You boys really did
steal this gold, didn't you?

Listen, Rosco, I'm
gonna talk slow so you...

Hush. Now, you're not gonna
slick talk your way out of this.

I want you two to get in
the front seat of my car

and drive it, so I can sit in
the back and keep you covered.

Rosco, you have been
watching too much TV.

- And you really ought to take...
- Move it!

Now, I'm serious this
time. Now, just get on!

You can't talk horse
sense to a jackass.

Ghkuh-ghkuh.
I love it. I love it.

I've finally caught
the Duke g*ng.

I can't wait to see
the expression

on Boss Hogg's fat
little face. Ghkuh-ghkuh.

I ain't got $ million dollars.

Mr. Hogg, all I know is, you
signed this promissory note

guaranteeing the
safety of my gold.

And since my gold bars
are no longer in your safe

and since I must leave
for Houston immediately

I am demanding payment.

- Now!
- Yeah.

Right now!

This is just a small town,
and it's a small bank.

And I'm just a small man.

Like I said, I ain't
got $ million.

How much have you got? In cash.

In cash?

Well, I guess..

I could..

Possibly..

Maybe..

Uh, scrape up..

I don't know..

About... close to..

$ , .

We'll take it as a down payment

'since you did sign
this promissory note.'

Yes, so I did.

Mmm. Very tasty.

How about seconds? Or thirds?
I had a dozen copies made up.

They'll stand up in any
court in the land, Hogg.

My $ , .

- 'Now!'
- Uh!

Oh, Uncle Jesse, that's
really bothering you, isn't it?

No, no, no.

Let's see if we can pick up
Doc Willis. It's time he's back.

Now, there's no
use bothering him.

He wouldn't know
what to do anyway.

Boss, have you and
Enos got your ears on?

Because I have personally
captured the Duke g*ng.

I have single-handed solved
the $ million gold caper.

- 'Come on.'
- They got the boys.

You sure about that, sheriff?

Of course, I'm
sure, you dipstick.

I caught 'em with the goods.

I'm gonna be famous.
Gonna be famous.

Probably get my
picture on the cover

of Farm and Tractor magazine.

The boys need our
help, let's get goin'.

This is the worst
day of my life.

Well, Mr. Hogg, if the
sheriff finds those gold bars

this won't be
costing you a penny.

From your lips to
God's ear, Mister..

Uh, Mister..

Harkness. H.H. Harkness.

'Get it?'

I got it.

'Hey, Boss.'

You ain't gonna believe it,
but I caught the gold smugglers.

You mean it really
was the dukes?

'You sure?'

Cool hand Coltrane did it again.

Hey, it's the gold! Heh heh heh.

- I'll take that back, sir.
- Nobody move!

- No, no!
- Up against the wall.

Don't be mad, Mr. Harkness.
Sheriff's got the gold.

- Give it to 'em, sheriff.
- Take it, Enos.

Come on, boys,
let's hightail it.

First, let's make sure
no one follows us.

So long, suckers.

Now, don't you worry
why Hazzard folks

don't notice the sh**ting?

They didn't pay any
attention to Sherman, either.

And he burned the town.

And to add insult to
injury they're gettin' away

in Boss' deluxe
courtesy limousine.

You know, the only
thing that they ain't done

is steal Boss' fat wife, Lulu.

Enos, after them. We're not
gonna let 'em sh**t up our town.

- Yes, sir.
- Let 'em go, Rosco.

- Let 'em go.
- What?

Let them turkeys keep my case.

- I'll just keep their gold.
- Boss, that ain't gold.

I'll give $ , to get $
million any day of the week.

- What did you say?
- All I said was that...

You wouldn't be playing tricks
on an old man, now, would you?

It ain't gold, Boss. It's lead.

- Lead?
- Lead?

Lead.

Damn!

Rosco, Enos, after
'em. They got my money.

But Boss, we got flat tires.

Flat tires or fallen arches,
you go get me my money back.

And you, too, or I'll
send ya up the river.

Boss, we told you
who the swindlers were.

Yeah, yeah, and you brought
them swindlers to me, too.

That makes you
accessories to the crime.

And if you don't help catch 'em

I'll make sure you
Dukes get years.

- Daisy, can we borrow your car?
- Let's go.

- Bo.
- We're going with you.

Help me put this.
Put that thing down!

Now, you, get around here.
You expect me to do a-all this?

'Hold on now, y'all gonna join
the Hazzard County Air Force.'

Oh, put it on, now.
What are you waiting for?

- It's got...
- Oh, get it in there.

Ain't you ever done
this before, Enos?

Buck, let's get 'em.

- We're sittin' ducks!
- Take some evasive action, Bo.

'I'm trying. I'm trying.'

'Bo, you're making me seasick.'

Road bend ahead.

'Keep it straight.
Keep it straight.'

Daisy, I'm afraid
your car is dead.

- We ain't in much better shape.
- No, we ain't.

The Texans are gone, and all
of Boss Hogg's money is gone.

Before he finds us,
we better be gone.

Oh!

Doc Willis!

Woo-ho-ho-ho!

- Hey, hold on.
- I don't want to go with him.

Come on, Uncle Jesse.

- Daisy, Bo, Luke?
- Hey.

Hey, Jesse, you
came out to meet me.

That tooth must
be givin' you a fit.

- Eh, no. It's..
- Excuse me, doc.

We need to borrow your vehicle.

- Bo, what's happening here?
- We're gonna explain later.

- Come on, hop in.
- But it's my vehicle.

Leave it, Bo. Go
ahead. Come on, doc.

Bo, keep her flying.
We can cut 'em off.

I know. What are
we gonna do, then?

Yeah. How do we stop 'em
without getting shot up again?

I don't know.

Alcohol!

What are you doing?
That's my sterilizing alcohol.

Don't worry, doc, we'll
replace everything.

You're not gonna
drink it, are you?

Well, your moonshine's
one thing, Jesse

but a Molotov cocktail might
be a little hard to swallow.

'Hard to swallow? That
stuff's so hard to get.'

'You need a license to use it.'

You gotta put 'em
in the little hole!

'Hey, the Dukes
are in that bus.'

Now, they... got me mad.

Luke, can't you get
any closer? Go, Bo.

Light it up.

Alright, here goes nothing.

Those crazy rubes
are bombing us.

Step on it, Dusty.

I'm trying, man.
This thing's a clunker.

Doggone it!

The third one has gotta
be the charm, Luke.

It better be.

'I'll land this one
right on their engine.'

- 'Here goes nothing.'
- Come on, Luke.

Step on it, Dusty.

Come on out. Come on.

Which is how the Dukes
with the help of Doc Willis

caught three Texas swindlers.

Or made it easy for
the law to catch 'em.

Where is it? Where..

Boss Hogg got his money
back and was so grateful

to the Duke boys, he paid
all of Jesse's dental bills.

And as long as Boss was paying

doc put in four fillings, three
gold inlays and a new bridge..

Across a creek in
front of his house.

And as for doc,
that was his last job.

Being a dentist was just
too dang dull for him now.

When last heard from, he was
trying to find an RV drag race.

So, I guess you could
rightfully say that in the end

Jesse ornery tooth saved old
Boss Hogg $ million dollars.

Which proves that
there ain't no telling

how things are
going to connect..

With the Dukes of Hazzard.