07x06 - Friend of the Family/Affair on Demand/Just Another Pretty Face

[bunniefuu]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest
reward, ; Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Isaac.

Herb, how you doing?

Anita?
- Isaac.

Welcome aboard.

Herb, you Dr. Adams already.

Oh, yeah.

We've met.

Herb is my insurance agent.

Herb and Anita hold the
record for the longest

marriage of all my friends.

They've been married
for over years.

Hey, congratulations.

I was married for years,
but to five different women.

Well, herb and I have always
been enough for each other.

Haven't we, herb?

Oh, that's right, dear.

Herb looks but never touches.

Anita never did understand
my mourning neck exercises.

And if herb ever does touch,
his neck is gonna resemble

a Turkey on Thanksgiving day.

Sweetheart, i'm
going to the cabin.

Mwah.
See you later, Isaac.

- Ok.
- Doctor.

Bye.

Boy, herb, she
watches you like a hawk.

Yeah, she does.

Let me tell you
something, though, Isaac.

After years of marriage,
this is gonna be it.

This is gonna be what?

On this cruise--

[chuckling]

--I'm gonna have
my first affair.

Oh, your wife doesn't
seem like the kind

of woman who'll stand by
while you have an affair.

Oh, well, let me tell
you both something.

Not only is she gonna
let me have an affair.

She's gonna demand it.

Bill, Jill.

Hey.

Hey, it's good to see you.

How are you?

Well, I'm fine, Jack.

Just fine.

Europe's certainly
been good to you.

You look terrific, as usual.

Thank you.

Here's the one who
looks terrific.

Oh, Jill, you get younger
and more beautiful every time

I see you.

Who says honesty
is the best policy?

Oh, wait a minute.

This vision can't
be Leslie, can it?

Well, what happened?

Last time I saw you, you
were about this high,

you were standing
in a wading room

in the middle of the backyard.

Well, Jack, I don't
go wading anymore.

Now I just dive right in.

I think we'd better
go find those cabins.

Yeah, they're just over there.

Julie?

Yes?

Has a miss Deanna
Ellis boarded yet?

Let me see.

No, sir.

Not yet.

Good.

I just this minute
received information

that she was gonna be sailing
with us on this cruise.

Oh.

Well, I'll check at
the pursers office.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Is miss Ellis
someone important?

No, she's just
another passenger.

But her uncle is a
director of the line.

He's very important.

Ah.

Should we give her
special treatment?

No.

No, I want her to get
the same treatment

as every other passenger.

But I want her to get
that same treatment

faster, better, and more often.

Yes, sir.

Are you the
captain of the ship?

Yes, I'm captain
merrill stubing.

May I help you?

I'm Deanna Ellis.

How do you do?

It's a pleasure to meet the
niece of Mr. Worthington Ellis.

Not only his niece,
captain, but his only niece.

And I'm sure you understand my
uncle likes to see me spoiled.

We like to think we
spoil every passenger.

Oh, well, I'm not
every passenger.

And I hope you
keep that in mind.

Of course.

Well, if you should
need anything,

just ask miss McCoy,
our cruise director.

Oh, actually, miss
McCoy, there's something

I need this very moment.

And this is it.

A handsome officer to
show me around the ship.

I hope gopher's wearing
a shark repellent.

[Horn blows]

Announcer: Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

Come join our early
bird exercise class.

It's a great way
to start the day.

And then enjoy our
delicious champagne brunch

in the coral dining room.

Look, I'm as unhappy
about this as you are, Ken.

But you fall right in the
middle of a high risk group.

And my executive board
won't let me insure you.

Yeah, i'm-- I'm very sorry.

We'll talk more about it
when I get back into town.

Yeah.

Honey, you promised you'd
forget business on this cruise.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I should've made that
call before I left,

but when I have to
turn somebody down,

I just keep putting it off.

Why do you have
to turn him down?

Oh, poor guy falls
right in the danger zone,

according to the home
office's new research.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

No more shop talking.

What's the new research about?

Oh, just, you
know, reams and reams

of information about
the marriage and health

risk and sexual tension.

Sexual tension?

Yeah, yeah.

According to research, a man
who's been married for years

or more and hasn't had
at least one affair

stands an % higher chance
of having a heart attack.

Than a man whose strayed.

You mean, a
husband is a health

risk because he's been faithful
to his wife for many years?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

That's poor Ken.

Yes, poor Ken.

Ouch.

Isaac, may I have a strawberry
daiquiri for miss Ellis,

please?

Coming right up.

Do you think the foreign
legion takes women?

What's wrong?

What's wrong is our
beloved niece of the director

of the cruise line.

Who?

Oh.

First she wants this,
then, she wants that.

Then that isn't good enough for
her, so she wants this again.

She's driving me crazy!

This is just a guess, but I
get the feeling you don't get

along too well with miss Ellis.

She's such a pain, nobody
could get along with her.

Oh, gopher!

Well, there's
somebody who seems

to be getting along with her.

Why don't you come sit by me?

Gee, I would really like
to do that, miss Ellis,

but I'm on duty.

I like a man who's on duty.

Well, maybe I'll
just sit for a minute.

You know, gopher, I
really think you're cute.

Maybe I'll sit
for two minutes.

In fact, you're
the most fascinating

man I've met in a long time.

I can sit for an
hour, but that's it.

Hello.

Close your eyes.

Ok.

Oh!

Now can you see I've
outgrown the wading pool?

Yes, you certainly have.

Unless they're doing
things in wading pools

haven't heard about.

Well, I was years
old last time I saw you.

Well, you've aged well.

Mom and dad said
you got a divorce.

Yes, afraid so.

So I guess you're pretty
turned off to marriage.

No, not really.

Had a bad oyster once,
but I still order them.

Oh, I'd like to
get married some day,

if the right man comes along.

Well, I hope you find him.

Well, I hope
you find somebody.

I thought that
Jack'd be surrounded

by all the beautiful
girls on the ship by now.

Oh, well, I am sitting
with a beautiful girl.

Thank you.

We were just talking
about love and marriage.

Now, what would you know about
love and marriage at your age?

Well, I have been watching
you and mom all these years.

Oh.

Well, we can't argue with that.

You see?

She not only knows
about marriage.

Bill.

She also knows how
to get around you.

You better believe it.

You mean Anita's going to
insist that you have an affair?

Sure.

How?

Well, I can't
tell you now, but--

hi there.

I can tell you this.

I've decided that she's the
one that Anita's gonna insist

that I have the affair with.

There you go, sweetheart.

Herb, in our years of
marriage, you've been faithful,

haven't you?

Oh, you know I have.

Don't you?

Of course I do.

And I love you so much.

But those insurance statistics
you told me about really

have me worried.

Forget about the
insurance statistics.

Let's go for a swim.

No!

I don't want you dropping
dead in the pool.

I've never felt
better in my life.

But you haven't had an
affair in all these years.

And the sexual tension
that's building up in you

will lead to a heart attack.

I'm not sexually tense!

All right, maybe I live
with a little tension.

Herb, for the
sake of our marriage

and for your own long life,
you have got to have an affair.

I will not have an affair.

I'm gonna go swimming, and
I'll be back in a little while.

Then will you have an affair?

Oh.

Thank you.

Well, miss Ellis, I hope
you're enjoying your cruise.

No, captain.

I'm not enjoying
my cruise at all.

You're not?

What's the matter?

Julie, I assigned you to make
sure that miss Ellis enjoy

every minute of her cruise.

Well, sir, i'm
doing the best I can.

Well, what can we do
that we haven't done?

The thing you can do,
captain, that you haven't done

is let my little pirate
king here have some time off

so he can be with me.

She calls me her little pirate
king because I kind of stole

her heart on the high seas.

Aw, you little rascal, you.

Captain, with your permission,
I'd like gopher to take

me to the acapulco lounge.

Of course, right after dinner.

Oh, but I wanna go now.

Well, I'm sure that
now will be all right.

But we're having fettuccine!

Please, excuse us.

Thank you, captain.

I'm sure my uncle will be
very pleased to hear that i'm

having such a good time.

Thank you.

You know, I invited Jack on
this cruise to talk business,

and I haven't seen him all day.

Here they come, darling.

I hope we haven't held you up.

Leslie, where have you been?

You know I like to
eat dinner on time.

It's all my fault, daddy.

I insisted Jack give me
another chance at backgammon.

He's terrific.

I'm sorry, bill.

You have a very
persuasive daughter.

It runs in the family.

Well, I suppose there
is some truth to that.

Well, sit down.

Let's have our supper.

Oh, we just came to tell
you we're not having dinner.

We'd rather go dancing.

Uh, bill--

come on, Jack.

I hope you don't mind.

We'll see you later.

I don't believe this.

There he goes again,
running off with Leslie.

Looks to me like Leslie
keeps running off with him.

Yeah.

You've hardly even
touched your scallops.

Herb, I don't understand you.

You're worried about me
not eating my scallops

and not worried about
me becoming a widow?

You're not gonna
become a widow.

I'm in perfect health.

I'm not gonna die
of sexual tension.

Herb, do you
realize that you're

sitting right in the teeth
of the high risk group?

Well, I'm not gonna pick
up some dumb floozy just

to save my life.

It doesn't have to
be some dumb floozy.

I'll find you some smart floozy.

I can't believe you.

You really want
to have an affair.

Yes, yes, yes!

Well, all right.

If you insist.

I'll-- I'll have an affair.

Herb, you have just
made me the happiest woman

in the world.

God, I love you.

I just can't deny you a thing.

Gopher.

Sir.

How's miss Ellis?

Ah, she went to put
on more lipstick, sir.

When she's around me,
she licks her lips a lot.

Yes, that's exactly why I
came over here to talk to you,

gopher.

So I put Julie in
charge of seeing

that miss Ellis
enjoyed her cruise,

but she seems to be
so taken with you.

I'm assigning you to the job.

I know my duty, sir.

Good.

Just see to it she
has no complaints.

You look even more
gorgeous than you

did the last time I saw you.

Thank you.

Let's dance.

Um, we can dance later.

Let's take a walk out on deck.

We can walk later.

Let's dance now.

It's a beautiful
night outside.

Let's walk.

I'd really rather
dance, gopher.

Well, we can
always walk later.

Leslie, honey, I know you've--
you've got a lot of energy,

but Jack's my age, and
you are exhausting him.

He doesn't look tired to me.

I think he has as
much energy as I do.

And I'd like to
conserve some of it

for his new job, which I'd like
to talk to him about, if you'd

stop monopolizing all his time.

I'm sorry, daddy.

I didn't mean to
interfere with business.

It's just that we were
having so much fun.

Well, I think you
should find someone

your own age to have fun with.

They're all so
young and silly,

and Jack's so
worldly and mature.

You know, Jack, maybe
you shouldn't be spending

so much time with Leslie.

Well, I thought of that.

I mean, she's young.

She's not used to a man as
sophisticated as you are.

Joan, I'm surprised at you.

I think of Leslie
as the daughter

of my two best friends.

However, she's not
without a certain amount

of sophistication.

And she has her mother's
beauty and charm.

May I cut in?

I mean, after all, a girl can
only dance with her father

for so long.

I wanna go out on
the promenade deck.

[Whispering]

There they go again.

Herb, look.

How about having
an affair with her?

Too short.

Herb, we are talking about
life and death, not basketball.

This is my affair.

I'm used to you.

Find me something in a ' .

That woman over
there could be ' .

I'll go ask her to stand up.

Look, no, Anita.

Why don't we just call
the whole thing off, huh?

Herb, you promised.

Uh, you know, if-- if I
have to go through with this,

she might be ok.

Great.

Why don't you go over
and ask her to dance?

Aw, come on.

Herb, you have been
faithful for years.

Do you wanna be buried at sea?

Well, if you insist.

Doc, did you see that?

That's the lady herb said he
wanted to have the affair with.

Are you kidding?

His wife will k*ll him.

Hi, doc.

Hi.

Isaac, would you tell
herb I'm going to our cabin,

and that he can keep
dancing as long as he wants?

Isn't she pretty?

We picked out the best one.

Do you still think
Anita's gonna him?

I guess they just don't make
wives the way they used to.

[Humming]

Oh, herb, darling, you
look healthier already.

Relax, Anita.

Nothing happened.

Of course, I'm not
the sort of guy

that breaks down a girl's door.

The gentleman
prefers a much more

gradual unhurried approach.

When, then?

Tomorrow night.

Oh, good.

That'll give me time to pick
out a little thank you present.

You're gonna buy her a
little thank you present?

Well, of course.

What do you think she'd like?

Well, how should I know?

I mean, I'm just supposed
to have an affair with her,

not get intimate.

Herb, she's saving your life.

I wanna give her something.

After all, I'm giving
her my magnificent body.

I hate to tell you this,
herb, but with your body,

we also have to give gifts.

You know, if you're
gonna be out shopping,

I think she's probably about
an , maybe a on top.

Leslie: It's
beautiful, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Now aren't you glad I
suggested we stop dancing

and come out here?

Mm-hm.

I'm a little embarrassed
of what your mother

and father might think.

What's there to be
embarrassed about?

Well, it looks like we're
taking a walk in the moonlight.

Well, there's the moon.

And they're right about that.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Most people connect
moonlight with romance.

Do they?

Mm-hm.

Aren't you glad I
no longer wear braces?

Hm?

There would have been sparks.

I think there were, anyway.

Jack, I love you.

Leslie, apart from
the obvious things,

we practically just met.

No, we haven't.

I've known you all my life.

It's really not right.

Why?

Well, because I'm a
friend of your parents.

You're also a friend of mine.

It's definitely
all right with me.

Well, good might.

Wouldn't you like to
come in for a night cap?

I don't think so.

But I'd like you to
come in for a night cap.

I don't want a night cap.

I'm sure my uncle would like
you to come in for a night cap.

Well, uncle knows best.

Why don't you get into
something more comfortable?

I didn't bring
anything with me.

Wouldn't that be
more comfortable?

Wait a minute, Deanna.

When the jacket
comes off, I like

to be the one to take it off.

Oh, ok.

Ok, but hurry.

Come on, gopher!

Time's a-wasting!

Whoa, wait a minute!

Ok, that's it.

I'm leaving.

Good night!

Gopher, you're
driving me crazy. !

I have to have you.

Now, wait a minute.

That's not the way it works.

Why don't you show
me how it's done?

That's not what I meant.

Gopher, take me to bed!

Oh, ok.

There.

You're in bed.

Gopher, come back here!

Now, let me get this straight.

When you told Anita
that statistic

about faithful husbands
having more heart att*cks,

she allowed you
to have an affair?

Of course, she did.

She didn't wanna lose me.

Is all that stuff true?

Isaac, statistics never lie.

Statisticians lie.

But statistics?

Never.

Good morning, Isaac.

Good morning.

Good morning, darling.

Sweetheart.

How did you sleep?

Oh, like a baby.

And you?

Not too good.

Aw.

Well, how could I, knowing
that men all over america

are at death's door while
I do nothing about it?

What are you talking about?

I wanna help too.

While Lois is saving
your life, i'm

gonna find some
faithfully married man

and save him from
a heart attack.

You're what?

I'm going to find
a happily married man

and make love to him.

For his own good.

No!

No, you-- you can't!

Herb, I wanna do my part.

I don't want you
kissing some other guy!

Herb, don't think
of it as a kiss.

Think of it as the
breath of life.

Well, I'm gonna go look
for some worthy candidate.

Wish me luck!

Honey, Anita!

Hold it!

Good morning, mom.

Good morning, darling.

Morning, dad.

Good morning.

Isn't this the most
gorgeous day you've ever seen?

Thank you.

Well, Leslie, you're certainly
in a good mood this morning.

I should be.

Jack and I had a
wonderful time last time.

Well, I'm glad you two are
becoming such good friends.

Oh, it's more than
just friends, mom.

Wait a minute.

Just what is that
supposed to mean?

It means that i'm
in love with him.

What?

But Leslie, Jack
is a mature man.

You're just a child.

I am not a child, mother.

You are a child until I say
you're not a child anymore.

Leslie sue winthrop,
you get this straight.

You're not to see Jack again.

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand.

I understand you
wanna run my life

the way you run your company.
Well, you can't!

Oh.

My daughter and
my best friend?

This is a nightmare.

You mean to tell me that she
chased you around the cabin--

shh!

--And then tried
to attack you?

Right.

How did you finally
get outta there?

Threw her on the bed,
and I ran for my life.

Good thinking.

That's what I always do
when a beautiful woman

is attacking me.

Doc, this is not funny.

It was like she was ordering
me to make love to her.

A man has to have some pride.

Hi, guys.

Doc: Oh, hi.

What's going on?

Uh, its grown-up talk.

Oh, you were
talking about sex.

Vicki, there are other things
that grown-ups talk about,

aside from sex.

Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What was this
grown-up talk about?

Sex.

Sex.

Oh, gopher.

Uh-oh.

Excuse us.

Gopher, we all miss
Ellis to enjoy her cruise,

so I've given you the
day off to be with her.

You should feel flattered.

Miss Ellis requested
you specifically.

Sir.

Sir, I got all kinds of
work to do on this ship.

I got important ship's business.

I gotta do this--

it can wait, gopher.

Sir--

it can wait.

The captain tells me we'll
be docking in puerto vallarta

soon.

So why don't you and I go
ashore and find ourselves

a nice secluded beach,
where we can be alone?

Right, but I gotta
do something first.

So I tell you what.

I'll meet you at the gangway
when we dock, all right?

All right, but I hope
you show me a better time

than you showed me last night.

What are you gonna do?

Well, I'm gonna do
the only thing I can do.

Run away!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to fabulous Puerta

vallarta, the fun capital
of the Mexican riviera.

Glittering beaches, colorful
shops, and tantalizing

seafood dishes await you.

Jack, i--

I wanna talk to you.

I'm-- I'm very upset
about you and Leslie.

Yeah.

Matter of fact, I wanna talk
to you about that myself.

She's got the crazy idea
that she's in love with you.

How could you let that happen?

Now, wait a minute, bill.

I didn't let that happen.

In fact, I tried
to discourage it.

Well, you didn't
do a very good job.

I want you to tell her
to stop this nonsense.

Bill, it isn't nonsense.

In fact, I'm starting to think
that I'm in love with her too.

Has everybody gone crazy?

What's with you, Jack?

You going through a midlife
crisis or something,

having a fling with my daughter?

Well, I don't know anything
about mid-life crises,

but I do know it's not a fling.

Well, I don't care
what you call it.

Just call it off.

I can't do that.

I'm telling you, Jack, you
stay away from my daughter.

Or else.

If I get, you
know, the drinks.

Miss McCoy.

Miss Ellis.

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Forget the weather report.

Have you seen purser Smith?

No, I'm sorry, but I haven't.

Oh, I did.

He left through the crew
entrance about an hour ago.

He said he was going into town.

Oh, he did, did he?

If I should see him,
is there any message

you'd like me to give him?

I'd be happy to
convey that message.

Hi there.

Oh, hi, herb.

I'd like you to meet Martin.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, sure.

Martin was telling
me about his new car.

Oh, lovely.

Now, can i-- can I
have a word with you?

Excuse me, Martin.

Sure.

Anita, you gotta stop this.

But I'm saving a life.

Oh, herb, he is perfect.

He's been married for years.

He's never been
unfaithful to his wife.

And he is a bundle of nerves.

He looks pretty relaxed to me.

Maybe too relaxed.

That's all an act.

The man is in trouble.

I just hope I'm not
too late to save him.

I didn't even enjoy
myself in town, man.

I kept waiting for Deanna
to show up any minute.

Well, I feel for you, buddy.

She sounds like real bad news.

No, she's much
worse than bad news.

Bad news is like a plague,
or a flood, or something.

She's much worse than that.

Well, how are you
gonna keep ducking

her for the rest of the cruise?

I'm not gonna keep ducking
her for the rest of the cruise.

I am sick and tired of
being pushed around,

and I can't wait
to tell her that.

Can't wait to tell me what?

I can't wait to tell you--

how's the family and
uncle Worthington?

Funny you should mention
my uncle, because I

just wrote him a letter.

I wrote it during the
long, long, long time

I waited for you to get
back from puerto vallarta.

I think you'd enjoy hearing it.

"Dear uncle, I wish
I could tell you

that I'm having a wonderful time
on this cruise, but I'm not.

First of all, Dr. Bricker
thinks the only treatment

for an ailing
female passenger is

to kiss it and make it better.

Julie McCoy, the
cruise director,

spends so much time
lounging around you'd

think she was one
of the passengers."

Now, wait a minute!

Oh, there's more.

"Isaac Washington mixes
drinks that are so bad,

you get hung over while
you're drinking them."

That's a lie!

They're all lies!

Well, my uncle
hasn't doubted me yet.

Of course, you could
convince me not to send this,

say, in your cabin,
after dinner?

I think that's a fair exchange.

The letter for you after dinner?

She can't do that to you.

She's doing it to us.

Go get her, tiger.

Announcer: All visitor ashore.

We sail in minutes.

Attention, please.

We sail in minutes.

All visitors ashore, please.

So my father was really angry?

Leslie, in all the years
I've known your father,

I've never seen him
angry in quite that way.

It really upset me.

Because you thought
he might fire you?

No, because your
dad is my best friend.

And incidentally, I'm the
same age as your father.

I dunno.

Maybe he's right.

Maybe it's midlife crisis.

I am too old for you.

Not at all.

You're not selfish like the
silly boys I've gone out with.

Jack, I never imagined what
love could be until I met you.

Do you love me?

You are a very special girl.

Then you do love me?

Yes, I do.

I wasn't sure before,
but I know now.

I love you very much.

And that's why i'm
leaving the ship.

What?

Why?
I don't understand.

No, listen.

Listen.

Your mother and father
are my dearest friends.

The one thing I would never do
is come between them and you.

Goodbye.

Jack, please, don't go.

I have to, Leslie.

I'm sorry.

[Knocking on door]

Gopher!

Hi, Deanna.

Are you ready?

'Cause I know I am.

Aren't you gonna be just
a little chilly in that?

I'll have you keep me warm.

I gotta get ready.

Ready?

Yeah, I gotta--

I gotta-- I gotta-- oh,
I gotta put on Cologne!

I gotta put it behind
my ears or something!

Take your time!

What am I gonna do?

She's driving me crazy!

Ugh, I've got a headache.

Gopher, where are you?

Here I am!

Gopher, what's wrong with you?

You're foaming at the mouth!

It's passing.

Domineering women turn me on!

Give me orders.

I'll do anything you say.

Let me outta here!

Read me the letter
from your uncle.

Here's the letter!

Just let me outta here!

Let me out!

Well, it does what
it says it does.

It gets rid of a headache.

Herb: Anita, are you sure you
wanna go through with this?

Yes, herb.

My mind is made up.

I'm going to save Martin's life.

Now, please let me get ready
he'll be here any minute.

Anita, there is something
I have to tell you.

No, herb.

There's something
I have to tell you.

Lately, I've-- I've
been feeling useless.

But now you've given
my life a purpose.

To save mankind.

But--

[knocking on door]

Martin: Anita, you ready to go?

Coming!

Wait a minute, Anita.

You know those
insurance statistics

that I've been quoting
you, about sexual tension

among faithful husbands?

Well, I made those up.

You didn't.

Uh-huh.

So many men are having affairs.

I had to try.

But I love you so much
that I'd feel terrible

all the rest of my life.

So you wanted me to
make you have an affair.

Yeah.

Hern, excuse me.

Oh.

You two ready to
go have that drink?

I invited Martin and his
wife to join us this evening.

What?

We'll meet you in the
bar in a couple of minutes.

We're almost ready.

Great.

I don't get it.

Do you honestly believe that
I would be stupid enough to fall

for that story you gave me?

You knew all the time?

Well, I was suspicious.

So I called your
office to find out

if your statistics were true.

When they got through
laughing, they said no.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Anita, you're the only
woman I ever want.

Lois is waiting for me.

Oh, no, she's not.

She's been in on
this since yesterday.

Do you think I would
leave you alone

with a stranger, especially
one who looks like Lois?

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
we hope you've enjoyed

your day in Puerta vallarta.

Our next stop is the
port of Los Angeles.

[Chuckling]

And all the time
you were chasing

her around your cabin with this
foam coming out of your mouth?

Yeah, two capfuls.

I was gonna go
for three capfuls,

but then I figured that's
too passionate even.

And-- and what
did she say when

she saw your mouth foaming?

She said what any normal
American girl would say.

She said "your
mouth is foaming!"

And then what happened?

And then he said, "read me
the letter to your uncle again."

You know, earlier this evening,
Mr. Smith, I was worried there

might be something
physically wrong with you.

Now I know there's
something mentally

wrong with both of you!

Leslie, I'd like you
to go to your cabin

and lie down for a while.

I'm sure a little rest
will make you feel better.

How can it make
me feel better?

Jack will still be gone!

Go to your cabin and lie
down for a few minutes, dear.

Please, huh?

No.

Come on!

I never could stand
to hear her cry.

It just tears me up inside.

There is one way
to stop her crying.

Tell them it's all right
for them to see each other.

No!

Leslie is a child, and I'm not
gonna let her ruin her life.

When was the last time you
took a good look at Leslie?

She's not a child.

She's a grown woman.

I think it's time we let her
decide what's right for her.

Well, I don't think
it's right for her

to get involved with a man
who's more than twice her age.

But Jack is a good man.

It's not as if he's a stranger.

Better a stranger.

I could hate a stranger.

But you can't hate Jack.

[Knocking on door]

I tried.

I really tried.

I can't leave without Leslie.

Bill, you can fire me.

I don't care.

I love Leslie.

And I know I'm never gonna
find another woman like her.

So give us a chance!

If it doesn't work, let us
find that out for ourselves.

Jack, it's all right.

If that's what Leslie wants,
that's what I want for her.

Oh, bill, thanks!

I'm sure I can make her happy.

I know you can make me happy.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

I've been looking for
you so I could apologize.

It was a very dumb thing to do.

But you drove me to it.

I know.

You do?

The things I
did, they were very

spoiled child things to do.

And for what it's
worth, I regret that.

So why'd you do them?

Because I wanted you
to like me so much.

And I was afraid you wouldn't,
so I commanded you to.

That's not the way it works.

I learned that.

You know, Deanna,
I really do like you.

You don't have to say that.

I know I don't have to
say that, but it's true.

It's just, when
you come on to me

like the th marine
battalion, that was a turn off.

I felt like an outsider,
like anybody would do.

You know, I'm not
exactly a caveman here,

but I do like to make a few
of my own moves, you know?

You got a hair out
of place there.

This is one of the
moves I like to make.

You think we could
start at the beginning?

I think we already have.

Ah, Isaac, doc, goodbye.

Well, I'm glad to see you
two are still the longest

married couple I know.

Yeah, you had us
worried for a minute.

Well, when you've been
married as long as we have,

you learn to live with
the little foibles and

idiosyncrasies of your spouse.

All it takes is a
little understanding.

Yeah, that and the new sable
coat that I promised her.

Goodbye, Isaac.
Goodbye, doc.

Bye-bye.

Well, I hope you
two enjoyed your trip.

Oh, we sure did.

I met a friend of the family.

Who knows?

Someday soon, we may
have a family of our own.

Don't they look happy?

Yes, they really do.

I have to admit it.

At first, it bothered
me, the idea of Leslie

going with a man old
enough to be her father.

I don't know why.

I married a man old enough to be
her father, and I'm very happy.

Well, how can I possibly
argue with that kind of logic?

Goodbye, miss Ellis.

Oh, captain, I had a
wonderful time on your ship.

Well, I hope you
tell your uncle

you had a wonderful
time on our ship.

Well, I would, only my
uncle isn't speaking to me.

He thinks I'm spoiled.

Then why would he send
that telegram saying you

were coming?

Oh, that wasn't to get
me special treatment.

That was sent as a warning.

Goodbye.

[Theme music]