06x23 - Vicki's Dilemma/Discount Romance/Loser & Still Champ

[bunniefuu]

Theme song: Love exciting
and new, come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon, we'll be
making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Here we go.

Hey, wait a minute.

I-- I can handle 'em.

Besides, that heavy.

It's ok.

No, no, no.

They're no problem.
Really.

- Honest?
- Yeah.

Well, no big problem.

No, no.

That-- that's all right.

I was just trying to help.

I can get it.

I understand.

I appreciate to too, but
me Tarzan and you Jane.

Sorry, Tarzan.

I didn't recognize you
without your muscles.

Are you suggesting that
I don't have muscles?

Have you suggested I don't?

I never fight with
ladies I don't know.

Do you fight with
ladies you do know?

Sometimes?

Stacy banks.

Tom Joseph.

You're making a puree
out of my fingers.

Sorry.

Oh, that's ok.

I can eat with my left hand.

You made your point, Tarzan.

See you, Jane.

Hey, sailor.

I can get you a great
deal on a tattoo.

Uncle Jimmy, how are you?

Hello.

Ah, you look good, kid.

Great to see you!
Thank you.

Listen, I want you
to meet my pals over.

You guys, you guys.

This is the world's
greatest salesman.

My uncle.
- That's right.

Jimmy morrow.
This is Isaac.

This is doc.
- How do you do?

Hello, Isaac.
Hello, doc.

World's greatest
salesman, huh?

Well, remember those
pyramid parties a while back?

Yeah, are you the
guy that started that?

Well, no.

He's in jail.

But I'm the guy that
sold that guy the idea.

[Laughter]

Listen, Jimmy, you
are in aloha, .

Aloha .

Got it.

Is that your luggage?

Those?

Oh, no, no, no.

Those are not mine.

You know, I travel
light, in case

I have to make a quick getaway.

See ya.

Uh, I'm just playing a little
gag on my nephew over there.

Here you are.

Take this down to aloha .

Oh, hi there.

We're not open yet, but
you're welcome to look around.

Thank you.

I like what I see.

And those watches
aren't bad either.

Well, I'll be open
as soon as we sail,

if you'd like to buy one.

The watches, I mean.

I would, but now
that I've met you, i--

I feel as though
time has stopped.

Oh, brother.

Who's the salesman
around here, you or me?

You and me.

Jimmy morrow, best
salesman in the world.

Shirley wash, best
salesman on this ship.

Right on.

Well, Shirley, I'll have to
think about those watches,

but I certainly do hope I
can get to see you later.

Yeah, I'd like that.

- Julie.
- Hm?

How come if there's supposed
to be someone for everyone,

there's no one for me?

There will be.

But when?

I'm years old.

I'm not getting any younger.

I wish he'd hurry
up and get here.

Vicky, just be patient.

He'll come along.

You're right.

Hm?

I was patient,
and here he comes.

Well, enjoy the cruise.

Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing.

Hello, I'm Andrea Hammond,
and this is my son, Mark.

Hello, Mark.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Vicky stubing,
the captain's daughter.

Hi.

Andrea: Well, this
is working out fine.

Now Mark will have someone
to keep him company

while I catch up
with all this work.

I'm chairwoman of a huge
charity dinner dance

to be held just
a month from now.

Well, those affairs must
involve a lot of details.

Oh, my, yes.

Just seeing to it
that divorced couples

aren't seated at the same
table is a job in itself.

Well, Mark, hope I'll
see you later, huh?

Could be.

What do you do for
fun around here?

There's lots to do.

Swimming, shuffleboard,
ping-pong.

Terrific, for kids.

You like that stuff?

Well, sure.

It's fun.

If that's your idea of
fun, I don't know how much

we'll be seeing of each other.

That's right.

Two trays of small sandwiches,
coffee cake, and an urn

of coffee.

Just leave it
outside of my cabin.

Thank you.

[Humming]

Ok, ok, ok.

We're open for
business, big business.

[Horn blowing]

Hi.

Nicely, nicely.

Funny, you don't look strong.

Funny, you don't either.

Now, wait a minute.

Indian wrestle?

You're kidding.

You're a girl.

I appreciate the observation.

I outweigh you.

Noted.

I could wrench your
shoulder or hurt your wrist.

You could lose.

Loser buys drinks?

Whatever you say.

Whoa!

I wasn't ready.

I am.

For the drink, that is.

Let me help you.

Guess I'm not as
strong as I thought.

You're cute, real cute.

Now I'm gonna let
you buy me that drink.

Mom, feel like
doing something?

That's nice, dear.

Julie.

Hm?

When do you think
Mark will notice me?

When this ball explodes.

Vicky, I think you can stop.

Sorry.

Well, how am I gonna
get his attention?

Oh, I know it
sounds crazy, but why

don't you get up, walk over to
his table and say "hi, Mark"?

Gee, I wonder why I
didn't think of that.

Hi, Mark.

Oh, hi.

I thought maybe you'd like
me show you around the ship.

Sure, sure.

Mom, Vicky and I are
gonna jump overboard.

Have fun, dear.

Is your mother
always that busy?

Yeah, she does a lot of fund
raising and volunteer work

for the family guidance center.

She's got time for every
family but her own.

Hold on a second, ok?

Is there something wrong?

I just have a little headache.

The g*ng threw me a
beer bust last night

as a going away present.

Beer bust?

Yeah, you've had
beer, haven't you?

Sure.

Well, then you
know what it's like.

Why don't we start
off the ship's tour

at the doctor's office, ok?

Ok.

Great.

Hello, folks.

Pardon me for interrupting, but
if you're ever in Los Angeles

and need some great merchandise,
beautiful price, look me up.

As a matter of fact, if
you need anything onboard,

aloha deck .

Knock twice.

Pardon me.

Uh?

Light a $ cigar
with a $ . matchbook?

You need a gold lighter.

Maybe you're right.

Know where I can find one?

No, but I know
where you can buy one.

Aloha deck .

Knock twice.

See ya.

Well, well, well,
my old friend Shirley.

How's business down
in the gift shop?

Just fine.

I didn't think
you'd remember me.

You kidding?

You're the nicest
item in that place.

Hey, can I buy you a drink?

Oh, I'd love to, but I
have to get back to the shop.

My break is almost over.

Ah, foiled again.

You get a break for dinner?

Looks like I do now.

Good.

I'm buying.

Jimmy, my meals
come with the cruise.

That's why I'm buying.

[Knocking on door]

Maybe he's in there.

[Knocking on door]

Doc?

He's not here.

Come on, let's go find him.

Why don't you go, and
I'll stay here in case

he comes back?

And leave you alone
in your moment of need?

Hi, Vicky.

Hi, doc.

This is Mark Hammond.

Hello, Mark.

Hi.

I'm afraid he's not
feeling very well.

It's just a headache, probably
from too much beer last night.

Well, you are a
little too young,

but that's been known to happen.

Well, I'll have a
look at you anyway.

Take your shirt off.

I'm not used to undressing
in front of strange women.

Ok, I'll leave.

See you later?

Sure.

Ok.

Ok, I'll scrub up
and be right with you.

Ok.

Tom: Pull.

[g*nsh*t]

Pull.

[g*nsh*t]

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

And just what does
"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk" mean?

The literal translation
from the Latin,

it means that this man
knows zilch about sh**ting.

Really, zilch?

I'm an easy marker.

And you're obviously
an expert marksman.

No, markswoman.

Two, please.

Pull!

[g*nshots]

You are good.

Don't be mad.

Who's mad?

I shouldn't have horned in.

You're obviously a
good shot, and I've never

done it before in my life.

It's ok.

No, it's not, is it?

Will you cut it out?

Let me make it up.

Let's have dinner together.

The man invites,
the woman accepts.

- You inviting me to dinner?
- Yes.

I accept.

: ok?

The man suggests the time.

Sorry.

How does : sound?

It'll be a scramble,
but I'll try.

Hi, Shirley, how's business?

Oh, terrible.

Your pack of gum is
one of the biggest

sales I've made all day.

Gee, that's strange.

It's usually so busy in here.

Yeah, I know.

I guess people are just not
in the buying mood today.

Jimmy: All right, my
friends, all right.

You can't beat these prices.

You just can't beat 'em.

I don't care what sale
you've ever been to.

Am I right?
Do you agree?

Huh?

Have you ever seen anything
like this in your entire--

what are you looking at, lady?

Ah.

These earrings are
practically gold.

Of course, if the price
is a little steep,

I have some earrings that
are practically silver I

could let go a little cheaper.

Well, what do we have here?

That's a quality item.

Only . .

Finest Swiss army
knife money can buy.

Made in Japan.

It's a sale.

And for me.

And here you are, young
man. $ . for you.

Thank you.

All right, just
look around, folks.

How you doing, uncle Jimmy?

Hello, nephew.

Gee, it sounds like you got
a party going in there, huh?

Oh, no.
There's no party going in there.

Just a few people I met onboard.

Oh, I like to meet new people.

Oh, actually, I was just
gonna tell 'em to leave.

I'm a little tired
from the big trip.

Oh, ok.

Well, listen, don't spend
all your time in your cabin.

There's a lot of
action around deck.

Don't worry about me.

I won't miss any of the action.

Ok, friends.

Ok, if you don't see what
you want, just ask me.

Everything's for sale.

Even the suit.

We didn't order any wine.

Oh, I called from my room.

The custom is for the man--

I know, I know.

But it's something special.

I thought you might
like a surprise.

Stacy.

Peace offering?

Stacy.

My treat.

Stacy!

Cancel the wine, and
bring us some champagne.

It's my treat.

You look fabulous tonight.

I'm glad somebody thinks so.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

Vicky, how are things
going with you and Mark?

I don't know.

He doesn't seem to be all
that interested in me.

He thinks I'm too young.

I wish I knew how to act older.

You just act your
own age, Vicky.

If he doesn't like
you for yourself,

then he isn't a very
good judge of character.

Some boys take more
time than others, anyway.

Vicky: I hope so.

Anyway, last time I saw him,
he wasn't feeling that great.

Yeah, he had a
pretty bad headache,

so I gave him some aspirin.

Ah, the family stubing.

Thou lookest dynamite
this evening.

I guess those aspirin
you gave him worked.

I'm sorry we're late, captain.

I had work to do.

That's quite all
right, Mrs. Hammond.

You were well worth waiting for.

You're very gallant, captain.

I didn't want your
son to outdo me.

If you don't mind, captain,
I thought the fair Victoria

and I could share
a table for two.

Oh, please, dad?

Mayhap my daughter doth need
time alone with eager swain.

Shall we?

I'm so glad Mark and Vicky
are hitting it off so well.

Your daughter is
charming, captain.

Thank you.

Your son Mark seems to
be a fine young man too.

I guess they must take
after their parents.

So my father told me,
you're doing it all wrong.

Here's how you sell glasses.

You put the frames on 'em,
you look 'em right in the eye,

and you say "that'll be $ ."

If they don't blink, you
say "for the frames."

That's wonderful.

Wait, wait.

There's more.

Then you say "it'll be an
extra for the lenses."

And they still don't
blink, you say "each."

I ought to try that
at the gift shop.

Oh, what am I laughing about?

I have had three customers
in there all day.

Maybe I ought to take some
salesmanship lessons from you.

Oh, well, see
that was my father.

I'll tell you the
whole trick of selling.

You've gotta get the
customer in an agreeing mood.

Well, how do you do that?

That's easy.

You just keep
asking 'em questions

they have to answer "yes" to.

Like what?

Well, like, wasn't
this a terrific meal?

Yes.

And wasn't the wine delicious?

Why, yes.

And aren't we going dancing
together after dinner?

Oh, yes.

Bingo.

[Laughter]

Oh, this table
for two is terrific.

And I'm glad you're
feeling better.

All I needed was my vitamins.

Great for you.

Keep you healthy.

By the way you take 'em,
you must be the healthiest

boy in the world.

I feel embarrassed.

Why?

You're a better
dancer than I am.

You're a fine dancer.

I could dance with
you all evening.

Uh-huh.

You're very musical.

You make it flow.

It's a wonderful evening.

Why don't we go for a walk?

I would have asked you.

I was thinking about asking you.

- Ask me.
- Would--

yes.

Oh, this is so nice.

It's just what I need to
get my mind off business.

Yes, and get it
back where it belongs.

On me.

[Chuckling]

Oh, that man seems to be
trying to get your attention.

Who?

That man.

What was that all about?

Oh, nothing.

I helped him fix his
lighter this afternoon.

He wasn't very bright.

He kept trying to strike
it on a matchbook.

Let me.

Thank you.

Well, that was fun.

Yeah, you're a
terrific dancer.

Oh, thank you.

I love to dance.

I hate it.

Why?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess it's because
when I was a little kid,

I used to ask my governess
where my mother was.

And she was always at a dance.

Hey, come on.

They're playing our song.

Oh, I'd love to,
but I'm really tired.

I think I should get some sleep.

Oh, past your bed
time, little girl?

What you need is a vitamin?

Oh, I don't like
to take pills.

Oh, come on.

It's only a vitamin pill.

Believe me.

It's ok.

Well, I don't know.

I mean--

oh, there you go,
the little girl again.

Will you stop calling me that?

See?

Nothing to it.

I'd like to make
love with you.

Would you?

I would.

Your cabin or mine?

Stacy.

Ok, ok.

Your cabin or mine?

You choose.

Your cabin.

I don't care.

My cabin.

I don't care.

Your cabin, then my cabin.

I like it.

To the loveliest
woman on the pacific.

And to the smoothest
talker on the pacific.

I'll drink to that.

You know, Jimmy, you
haven't deceived me.

What do you mean?

Well, I only met
you this afternoon,

and here I am drinking
champagne in your cabin.

You really are a super salesman.

Not only that, I have
a great product to sell.

Ah.

I think you're
wonderful, my dear.

I never wanna be without
you, my darling, never.

I want you with me always.

Do yo hear me, my love?

Ever!

[Chuckling]

What a night.

Yeah.

You know, i--

I really feel different.

That was some
vitamin you gave me.

Let me give you
something else.

That was nice.

Oh, yeah?

Let's try it again.

Ok.

What's the matter?

Oh, Mark, I feel awful.

Well, do you wanna sit down?

No, I wanna go.

I really feel sick.

My head is just spinning and
my stomach feels terrible.

Hi, Tom.

Come on, join the crowd.

Didn't you get enough
exercise last night?

Oh, you were
wonderful last night.

I've been around
times already.

Of course you have.

Want me to give you a push?

Death is not on my
agenda this morning.

Meet you at breakfast in ?

Now you're
speaking my language.

Terrific.

Maybe we can play
some ping pong later.

I found a table.

Store service.

Ah, hi, Jimmy.

Here we go.

Coffee, cream,
and cheese Danish.

You didn't have to do that.

Well, that's me, love above
and beyond the call of duty.

How'd you sleep last night?

Like a baby.

Had a dream about you.

Did you?

Mm-hm.

We were in my cabin,
the lights were low,

the champagne was sparkling,
and you were in my arms.

Oh, that's very funny.

I had the same dream.
- Hm.

How'd yours end?

It hasn't.

I must still be dreaming.

Jimmy morrow, that's
the smoothest talking I've

ever heard.

But don't you dare stop.

Listen, when we dock
today at Mazatlan,

I'm taking you to the greatest
little cafe on the beach.

Oh, I'd love to, but I can't.

I have to stay here
and do inventory.

All day?

Yeah.

Although business has been
so terrible on this cruise,

I don't even know
why I'm bothering.

But I guess if it's been
that bad up till now,

it's got to be better tomorrow.

Hm, do you like cheese Danish?

What?

Yeah.

Oh, yes, of course I do.

Good.

Let's eat.

Ok.

Morning.

Hi.

Still not feeling very well?

Not really.

I was kind of sick last night.

I thought those vitamins were
supposed to make you feel good?

They do.

I feel great!

That's because before one
vitamin can wear off, I

hurry up and take another one.

That's what you need,
a refill of vitamin s.

Vitamin s?

What's that?

I don't know if I
should tell you or not.

Just how mature are you?

I'm mature enough.

Promise not to tell anybody
what I'm gonna tell you?

If you don't promise,
I won't tell you.

Ok, I promise.

Vitamin s is speed, uppers.

You do know what
uppers are, don't you?

Uppers are some kind of drug.

You gave me a drug?

Just wanted you to feel good.

Here.

This'll pick you up.

You keep 'em yourself.

The less for you,
the more for me.

You can see how
well made this is.

Look, it's all hand-sewn.

It's worth much more than $ .

That's a little more
than I plan to spend.

. ?

No, thank you.

Captain: Hello.

Good morning.

Oh, captain.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Shirley
how's business today?

Well, you just missed
my best customer.

You know, that lady
actually came in here

and touched an item
before leaving.

That slow, huh?

You know, gopher foretold
me sales were down.

"Down" is putting it mildly.

I don't understand it.

All of a sudden, it's like we're
selling the plague in here.

Do you think we
should lower the prices?

Oh, no.

I've already done that.

We lower them anymore,
we'll be losing money.

Yes, we certainly don't need
any help in that department.

Shirley, I don't
want to interfere

in the way you run the shop,
but you've gotta do something.

Yes, sir.

I'll do my best.

Oh, boy.

And if you can come up with
an idea to boost sales,

I'll put you on commission.

Bienvenidos, and welcome
to glorious Mazatlan,

Mexico's seaside paradise.

Skies are clear and sunny,
and it's degrees.

Perfect conditions for
having the time of your life.

Hey, come on.

Don't be such a for sport.

Why shouldn't my
behavior match my game?

Tom, don't let it get to you.

Somebody has to lose.

Yeah, did that somebody
always have to be me?

Besides, I didn't lose.

I was humiliated.

You got points.

A total of points.

We played six games!

It's only ping pong.

Did I hear somebody
mention ping pong?

I'd love to play, if
there are any takers.

No, thanks.

I think we've had
enough for today.

Oh, well.

Who won?

Sorry I asked.

Why didn't you play him?

You pros get bored beating
more than one amateur a day?

Tom, for your information, I
am not a professional ping pong

player.

You're not?

No, I'm a professional
tennis player.

Oh.

Tom.

Vicky, mind if I join
you, or are you having

too much fun by yourself?

Sorry.

Is it Mark?

Julie, I wanna
ask you something.

Well, there's something about
Mark that really bothers me.

What is it?

He doesn't wanna
go steady with you?

It's more important than that.

Sounds serious.

It is.

Ok, go ahead.

Well--

talking about me, ladies?

As a matter of fact, we were.

Hey, you know, I should
get back to my studies.

I'll see you later, ok, Mark?

Bye, Vicky.

Ok.

So what was Vicky
saying about me?

Girl talk.

She really likes you, Mark.

Is that all she said?

Well, she seems
concerned about you.

Concerned?

What's to be concerned about?

I'm fine.

So what if business
is a little off?

I bet you, tomorrow
sales will double.

Oh, are you planning
to buy two packs of gum?

Ah, don't worry about
these things, Shirley.

I mean, what's the
worst thing that could

happen if things don't pick up?

I could get fired.

You're right.

You definitely
should be worried.

No one's gonna fire you?

Oh, no?

The captain came into
the shop this morning

to see how things were going.

That's the first time he's
done that since I've been here.

Did he at least buy something?

I think I'll go and see Jimmy.

Maybe he'll cheer me up.

Can I have your attention
for a moment, please?

It's closing time right now.

Fine.

No, you can come
back a little later.

Everything is gonna be here.

I may even lower the prices.

Ok, thank you.

Thank you.

Bring some friends.

Thank you very, very much.

Thank you.

Oh.

Closing time.

Ok, you can come
back a little later.

Thank you very, very much.

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, Shirley, what
are you doing here?

Do you have any bargains left?

Or am I too late?

Oh, Shirley--

you know, Jimmy,
last night, I really

thought you cared about me.

I do.

Sure, enough to
cost me my job.

You know what really hurts?

You deceived me.

But I guess integrity is just
one of those little items you

keep hidden in the back
room, along with all

your other surprise packages.

Shirley, wait.

Look, save it.

This customer's not
buying any more.

I just wanted a vacation.

A few days away from the
pressures of the office,

a little peace and quiet.

That's not asking
for a lot, is it?

Of course, it isn't.

A little time away
from the phone

calls, interoffice
memos and tuna fish

sandwiches and traffic jams.

I mean, a fellow is
entitled to that, isn't he?

You're damn right, he is.

I wasn't looking for love.

Furthest thing from my mind.

Well, maybe not
the furthest thing.

But humiliation?

Believe me, that
was not in my plans.

Well, look, you've
been a big help,

but I don't wanna talk
about this anymore.

Steve?

Yes, sir?

Two orange juices, please.

Coming up.

I must say, I feel very
fortunate that Mark has

had Vicky to pal around with.

Well, it's been
good for all of us.

The only thing Vicky
lacks being aboard ship

is the company of
other young people.

That worries me.

That and the fact that I can't
spend as much time with her

as I want.

Oh, I don't know if
that's so terrible.

I've always felt children need
to be left to their own devices

more.

It helps them develop
self-reliance and confidence.

Perhaps.

I guess I'm just a
little overprotective.

I like to know where she
is, what she's doing.

Andrea: The years fly by.

One of these days, she'll
be out of the nest.

And before long, she'll be
married or living on her own.

Then what?

I don't even wanna
think about that.

What happened to you?

I must be some sort of idiot.

Why didn't you tell me you
played tennis at wimbledon?

I don't trade on it.

I was looking for you
all over the ship.

What do you need me for?

I must be the idiot.

I don't understand the question.

You're obviously
a famous person.

You undoubtedly make
a lot more money

than I could ever hope to.

You beat me at everything.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Suppose we write
the script your way?

You beat me at all sports,
you make more money,

more people know you.

A man and a woman, that's
the way it usually works.

Oh, I see.

So it's fine if you're better
than I am at everything,

but it's not so fine
if I'm better than you?

Tom, I love you.

I don't love you because I
can beat you at all sports,

or because I make
more money than you.

I love you because you're
cute, and because i'm

sexually attracted to you.

And you make me laugh.

I love you because
you're a nice man.

I love you because your
kisses make me feel

like I wanna kiss you again.

Ladies usually lose
when they play guys.

Evonne goolagong was
wimbledon champion.

She can beat her
husband at tennis.

She's more famous, and
she makes more money.

But that didn't stop
them from getting

married and having a family.

Listen, don't sell
yourself a bill of goods.

Go out and find someone
better than you.

You'll feel better.

You-- you'll feel more natural.

I've changed my mind.

You're right.

I have been selling
myself a bill of goods.

I thought you were a man.

But you're not.

You're a child.

I'm sorry I won your
marbles, little boy.

Take 'em back.

Shirley, I've
gotta talk to you.

There's nothing to talk about.

At least let me explain.

Why?

And give the world's
greatest salesman

another chance to snow me?

Ok, I deserve that.

Now will you listen?

I got this idea
before I met you.

Business has been bad,
and I couldn't afford

to take a vacation this year.

So I figured there's lots
of people here with money.

Maybe I can sell enough
to pay for the cabin

and-- and make a little profit.

Sure, at my expense.

Shirley, I never
meant to hurt you.

Well, you did!

Now, look, if-- if you're
not gonna buy anything, will

you just please get out?

No, Mrs. Hammond.

I haven't seen him for hours.

[Doorbell rings]

Right, bye.

Hi.

Mark, your mother's
looking for you.

Well, that's what
mothers are for.

I'm sure Eve was always
looking for her kids.

"Now, Cain, stop throwing
rocks at your brother!"

Mark, I wanna have a
serious talk with you.

Oh, I don't like
serious talks.

Now, if you wanna have a
foolish talk, then count me in.

Mark, I really think
you're hurting yourself

taking all those pills.

Come on, I know more
about these things

and what they do than you do.

I feel fine.

Maybe.

But you don't look fine.

Heh.

When I don't look fine
is when I feel my finest.

Vicky, you didn't tell my
mother I was taking these pills,

did you?

No.

But the way you're acting,
she's gonna find out.

Yeah, maybe she will.

But she doesn't care what I do.

Yes, she does.

And I care too.

Ok.

All right, I'll stop taking 'em.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure, if
you stop lecturing me!

Heh.

Mr. Harris!

What's the matter
with him, doctor?

I really don't
know, Mrs. Hammond.

Mrs. Hammond, is your son
taking any sort of medication?

Well, he had the
flu a week ago.

He did take medication for that.

No, I mean something
heavier than that.

What do you mean, "heavier"?

Excuse me.

Vicky, when you were with Mark
last night or this morning,

did you see him take any
sort of pill or anything?

A drug?

Dr. Brooker, my son
does not take dr*gs.

Well, he's been taking
something, Mrs. Hammond.

Vicky?

Andrea: Will you stop that?

Mark is ill, and you're
talking about dr*gs?

He's a good boy.

He doesn't take dr*gs.

[Sobbing]

These are amphetamines.

And they're from my office.

Vicky?

I stand corrected, doctor.

My son never took dr*gs until
he met the captain's daughter.

Announcer: Ladies
and gentlemen, we

are now leaving Mazatlan
and heading home

for the port of Los Angeles.

Just because we're leaving
Mexico doesn't mean the fun

has to stop.

Enjoy your evening dining,
dancing or taking a romantic

stroll under the stars.

[Knocking on door]

Go away.

I am out of business.

Gopher: Uncle Jimmy,
it's me, gopher.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

How are you, kiddo?

How'd my favorite nephew?

Oh, for a favorite nephew, I
sure haven't seen much of you

this cruise.

Well, you know how it is
when you're a social butterfly.

Well, then what are
you doing, sitting

all around here in your cocoon?

Yeah, well, it's Shirley.

What's the matter?

I thought you guys
were a pretty hot item.

Hm.

Right now, I would
say we are slightly

below room temperature.

We had a little--

oh, with your gift
of gab, you should

smooth things over in no time.

No, I think my luck
has run out this time.

She won't listen
to one word I say.

So don't say anything.

Do something to show
her how you feel.

Great advice.

But what?

I don't know.

Whatever you're doing,
do the opposite.

That's it!

It's great to know that
genius runs in the family.

I'd ask you to
explain that to me,

but I don't wanna blow my image.

You got nothing
to worry about, kid.

I got it up here.

[Sobbing]

Go away.

You're cold.

I have a coat.

This must make
you feel terrific.

Makes me feel like a fool.

I-- I'm a lousy cook.

So what?

How's your cooking?

The worst!

But I'll learn.

I mean, I can be a great cook!

Don't you dare!

Whatever you say, coach.

You're cold.

You're shivering.
Here.

Here's your coat.
- Not on your life.

Here, you put that back on.

Whatever you want.

Anything you say.

Come on, we can both wear it.

No.

How are you at skiing?

Never skiied.

Thank god.

Shirley, good, there you are.

The captain wanted me to find
you and congratulate you.

Congratulate me?

What you did in the
store today was remarkable.

I don't understand.

Well, what else
would you call it?

You sold out the entire
store in one day?

Nobody else has ever done that!

Jimmy: She made
such a great sales

pitch, I just couldn't resist.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Jimmy!

Hey, they say a
smart businessman

doesn't sit on his profits.

He invests them.

So I took everything
I had, and i--

I invested it in somebody
I really believe in.

You did all this for me?

Well, actually, I
had a selfish motive.

I'm in love with you.

I couldn't bear to lose you.

So i-- so I had the whole
story sent to my cabin.

Sue me.

Oh, Jimmy.

Did you really have the whole
store sent to your cabin?

Oh, no.

No, not everything.

There's one little item i'm
gonna take down there myself.

Vicky, are you sure you
don't know how these pills

were stolen from doc's office?

No, dad, I don't.

Don't you believe me?

Of course I believe you.

Mrs. Hammond, if Vicky
swears she doesn't

know anything about
these pills, I know

she's telling me the truth.

I'm sure you do, captain.

As to how they got into
her jacket, perhaps

they just mysteriously
jumped into her pocket

as she was passing
Dr. Brooker's office.

As far as circumstantial
evidence goes,

Mrs. Hammond, your son gives
every sign of having taken

a lot of those amphetamines.

Vicky, did you take
any of those pills?

Yes, one.

Only one, Vicky?

I swear, but I thought
they were vitamins!

I suppose you believe
that too, captain?

Vicky, I was gonna let
you take the rap for this,

but I can't.

I stole those pills
from your office.

Those are all my pills,
the ones in the container,

the ones in me, all of 'em.

I just can't believe it.

Why?

How did it start?

Mom, why don't we just
sit down and talk about it

for a couple of years, ok?

Mark!

Mark!

I'm sorry, dad, but I
gave Mark my word of honor.

Vicky, you have to
be very careful how

you give your word of honor.

You can't give it on something
that's gonna hurt someone.

I'm sorry.

I'll never do it again.

My word of honor.

Jimmy, congratulations.

I can't believe it.

After all these years,
you're finally getting

married and settling down.

Well, I know a good
deal when I see one.

- Mm-hm.
- Gopher?

Mm-hm?

How do you like
my engagement ring?

Oh, that's a beauty.

Oh, I agree.

[Chuckling]

Yes, and Jimmy let me have
it at a very good price.

You're kidding.

I let her have it
at a great price.

Well, so long, kiddo.

See you at the wedding.

You bet.

I'll sell you a gift.

Bye.

The lady is some
kind of arm wrestler.

The lady is some
kind of skeet sh**t.

The lady never
loses at anything.

You're right.

I won again.

Ah, me Tarzan, you Jane.

We had a wonderful
time, didn't we, dear?

Yes, sir.

Bye.

Bye.

Vicky, I'm sorry
about everything.

And it will
never happen again.

Mark's volunteered to go into
a drug treatment program.

Good.

Those programs have
saved many lives.

Yes, good luck, Mark.

Thank you, captain.

And we're gonna be spending
a lot more time together.

I think that'll help
more than anything.

Thank you so much
for everything.

It was a beautiful cruise.

- Thanks for sailing with us.
- It was wonderful.

Goodbye, captain.

Bye-bye.

Dad, I'm sorry I
caused you so much worry.

Oh, Vicky.

Sometimes, a crisis can
pull a family apart.

We're lucky it just
brought us closer together.

Oh.

[Theme music]