06x16 - Doc's Big Case/Senior Sinners/A Booming Romance

[bunniefuu]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love
boat theme"]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat-- soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat-- promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Upbeat music playing]

Enjoy the cruise.

Hi, captain stubing.

Russ.

Hi, Russ.

What are you doing aboard?

Don't tell me our
computers need fixing.

Oh, no.

They're fine.

I'm here for pleasure
for a change.

This time, it's me i'm
fixing up with her.

She works at one of
the offices I service.

I'm trying to figure out some
way of asking her for a date.

And when I found out she was
going to be on this cruise--

well, don't let us stop you.

Go ahead and say hello.

No, no rush.

I'll be meeting
her in minutes.

minutes?

I used a computer to
pick out my state room,

so I'd be the same
lifeboat station as she is.

The printout also stated
that the average time

after departure before
the drill is called is--

minutes.

And seconds.

So that's when the
romance will commence.

Well, he seems to
have it all wired.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

No, it's my fault.
It's my pleasure.

It's very nice bumping into you.

My name is Bob Williams.

Kathy Brighton.

I suppose next, I say,
do you come here often?

Then you say,
what's your sign?

Looks like it's going to be
Russ' computer versus PacMan.

Hello.

Hi.

Niver's the name.

Oh, welcome aboard

well, thank you.

Let's see.

Mr. and Mrs. Niver.

You're on the aloha
deck, cabin .

We are not Mr. and
Mrs. I'm Faye Phillips.

Tom!

I just thought
that since we're

going to meet your daughter
and my son for the first time--

we've already told
them we weren't married

when we invited them along.

They understand.

They'll be happy for us.

They'll be happy, huh?

Ok.

Could you change those
names to lord Henry

brenthop and argyle Sunday.

Hello, I'm velma Phillips.

Did my mother come aboard yet?

Her name is Mrs. Faye Phillips.

Faye.

Hey!

Oh, argyle Sunday.

Aloha deck, .

Now, there's also a Mr. Niver.

Here he's not in an
adjoining cabinet, is he?

No, not adjoining,
not exactly.

See, what his cabin
is, it's, uh, kind of--

it's really what you--

it's the same cabin.

Excuse me.

Dr. Bricker, I presume.

Elliot, oh, you
look marvelous--

too marvelous.

I'm sorry I
suggested the cruise.

I have enough competition
for the ladies as it is.

Look, dad, it came.

What came?

My new typewriter.

Now, I'll be able to
write articles and learn

how to become a reporter.

If she's your patient, I
would rule out laryngitis.

This is Vicky stubing.

Vicky, this is Dr.
Elliott Norton.

Good to know you.

How do you do?

We went to medical
school together.

Well, that's perfect.

My English assignment
is to do a paper

on someone who I really admire.

And I've decided
to do it on doc.

Well, the lady has taste.

You can fill me in
on some of the details.

Oh, could I ever.

I will give you
the real sizzling

inside dope on this character.

I'm going to go check in.

I'll see you later.

Oh, Elliot, that's not--

isn't that great?

He's going to give me
some real sizzling stuff.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Jeffrey niver of
niver and beaumont.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Niver.

Let's see.

You're on the fiesta
deck, cabin .

Mm.

Has my father been aboard yet?

He would be Thomas niver.

Oh, yes, just a
few minutes ago.

And not alone, I presume?

No, not exactly.

Mm-hmm.

It's a good thing I'm a lawyer.

I just hope I can get
him out of this one.

[Ships horn blows]

[Music playing]

Crew member (over pa): Attention
passengers, report to you

lifeboat stations immediately.

Lifeboat drill is
now in progress.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is very important.

Please, remember this location.

This will be your
lifeboat station.

Now, our b*mb search drill will
be announced in a little bit.

Thank you very much.

[Interposing voices]

I can't believe it.

Kathy.

Russ, hi.

I didn't know you were
going to be on this cruise?

Oh, it was just one of
those last minute things.

Everything secure?

Yes, sir.

And our computer genius is
seconds ahead of schedule.

Capt. Stubing: You suppose
all geniuses are that shy?

No, sir, I'm not.

Bridge, this is the captain.

All free.

Don't hit that, sir.

It's a sensitive
piece of equipment.

What's wrong with this?

Oh, excuse me.

I can't seem to raise them.

Let me see that.

The salt air may have
corroded the connections.

Right.

Kathy, we've been
looking all over for you.

Why don't you come and join us?

Oh, I'm afraid, I'm with--

we're all afraid, my darling.

But this is a mandatory
part of the drill.

Volunteers are
desperately needed

to search for bombs in the bar.

Oh, I can't fight that.

There you are.
Good as new.

Thanks.

Is there anything you can't fix
with that magic screwdriver?

Yeah, I'm afraid there's a
few things I just can't fix.

This is a great idea,
Tom, getting us all together

on this cruise, so
I can meet your son,

and you could meet my daughter.

I don't know.

When it really sinks in
that we're not married--

[knock on door]

Oh, that must be velma.
Answer it.

I have to freshen up.

No, I'll freshen up.

You answer it.

There'll be no problem.

My daughter is a very modern,
understanding young woman.

Mr. Niver?

Yes.

You are a dirty, old man.

Oh, Faye, it's your modern
understanding daughter.

[Knock on door]

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself,

saying who knows
what, taking advantage

of a wonderful woman like her.

Now, just a minute, honey.

Don't give him all the credit.

I helped.

I should never have
let you move to Arizona.

Oh, look, believe
me, I don't want

to intrude into your lives.

But this is just impossible.

I'm trying to work my way up
in the banking profession.

My whole life is
subject to scrutiny.

This could present
problems for me.

It could seem so degenerate.

Well, I hope so.

We certainly spending
enough for it.

Tom.

Velma, let's go take
a walk and talk.

Faye, I'll see you up on deck.

I got to get with
Jeffrey anyway.

Oh, by the way, young lady,
why don't you tell your friends

down at the bank
that I'm your uncle,

and that is no longer
a degenerate place.

We can just call it
old uncle Tom's cabin.

Coming right up.

Hi, Jeffery.

This is my son.

Jeffery, this is
Isaac Washington.

How do you do?

Fine.

That's right, my son.

You'd never believe
we got the same genes,

but we do, only
his are designer.

All right, now, just
what are you doing

on this floating love nest?

So far, drinking.

But then we've only been
here a couple of hours.

We?

Oh, I knew it.

Dad, look, I know
you've been lonely.

But couldn't you take
up some other interest?

Sports, perhaps?

Why don't you try jogging?

Jogging?

Son, believe me, this
is much more fun.

Jeffrey, you're going to
understand just as soon

as you meet the Phillips lady.

She's really terrific.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

I hope I'm not intruding.

Jeffrey, this
is velma Phillips.

Hello.

Dad, are you crazy?

She'll pop your pacemaker!

What is the matter with you?

I want you to know two things.

I am a lawyer, and my
father has no money.

This will never work out.

Be logical.

A younger woman-- it can't last.

Who cares?

And besides, what a way to go.

I thought that law
school was supposed

to teach you some sense.

You want to know something, son?

You have a very good
case against them.

Tom.

Jeffery, this is Faye
Phillips, her mother.

I'm here with her.

And besides, she
don't jog either.

Nice to meet you, Jeffrey.

She's your daughter?

Hi, mom.

She came to save me
from this dirty old man.

They've been living
together for two years.

It's just impossible.

Wrong, young lady.

Excuse me, it's very possible.

You see, this is america,
land of opportunity,

where even a clean living small
town boy can rise to greatness

and become a dirty old man.

Tom.

Maybe you should go about
this more gradually.

You two get to
know each other.

Then we'll all have a nice
dinner together tonight.

Tom: You know something, honey?

It's hard to believe that I
raised that child so carefully.

Dr. Spock's sure got
a lot to answer for.

Dr. Bricker: Of course,
our little sick bay

can't compare to
the big hospitals

you usually operate in.

But occasionally, we do
get a challenging case.

Dr. Bricker, i'm
glad you're here.

I'd like you to
meet Sarah toomey.

Doctor, we have a
very critical problem.

Well, what seems
to be the trouble?

It's not me.

It's delores.

Delores?

Delores is her doll.

She's really not
feeling very well.

She fell, and I think
she has a broken inside.

Oh, Sarah.

Well, would you please
take Dolores inside there?

Go ahead.

You'll be all right
with Dr. Bricker.

I found her crying
up on the deck.

I spoke with her
mother, and I think

her problem is she's traveling
with a brand new father.

Ah, new daddy time insecurity.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Julie McCoy, Dr. Elliot Norton.

How do you do?

Good to know you.

If you'll excuse me.

Yeah.

So the little girl
finds it easier

to say that he doll is in
pain when it's really herself?

Yeah.

Do you run across that
sort of thing often?

Occasionally in
one form or another.

When you're on a
cruise ship, doctor,

you run across just
about everything

in one form or another.

I'll see you.

Good news-- not a trace of bi.

Bi?

Broken insides.

Was she crying?

Well, then she just might have
a touch of the golly-wobbles.

What are golly-wobbles?

Oh, kind of an upset feeling.

Maybe because she's in a
strange new place with you

and your mommy and daddy.

She hardly knows my daddy.

Really?

Then that's what's
bothering her.

Somehow, we got to show her
that your daddy loves her too.

But he doesn't.

Maybe he just doesn't
know how to show it.

See, lots of grownups
have that problem.

I come across it all the time.

Poor things.

Hey, Sarah, I'll bet you could
show him how to be nice to her.

Let's go find him.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's give it a try, delores.

Excuse me, Dr. Norton?

Do you know where doc is?

Last time I saw him, he
was patching up a doll.

A doll?

Really?

I've got to put
that in my story.

Hi, guys.

Oh, hi.

How's your little patient?

Still iffy, but I'm hopeful.

At least now, she's
talking to her father.

May I have one of those?

Thank you.

Well, I'm ready
for the interview.

Gosh, I don't
know where to begin.

Try asking, why the
guys at med school

called him frog head.

Frog head?

No, Elliot.

I don't think--

see, doc was supposed
to make a report

on the human brain using
a plastic model of a head.

But we'd taken out the brain
part and put in a frog.

So when he lifted up the top--

the frog jumped out.

That's funny.

Remember that?

Yeah, I remember that.

Dr. Norton, merrill stubing.

Captain.

Adam told me you
were coming aboard.

But I had no idea you
were the same Norton

who wrote "the scalpel's edge."

You wrote a book?

Oh, and what a book.

Is there some subtle way I could
ask you to autograph my copy?

No problem.

I'll autograph as
many copies as I can.

It keeps people from returning
them to the bookstore.

Wow, a surgeon
and a writer too.

Oh, Adam, Mrs.
donaldson in PR

is still complaining
about that sprained ankle.

When you get a chance--

might as well see her now.

You know, you surgeons
are doing incredible work.

Do you think you might find
time to give a little talk

to our passengers?

I know they'd love to meet you.

Elliott: Well, I suppose
so if you really think so.

Capt. Stubing: Great.

Crew member (over
pa): All passengers

are invited to be guests
of captain stubing

in a welcome aboard
cocktail party now

in progress on the lido deck.

[Piano playing]

Russ, do something.

Use that computer
brain of yours.

If you don't get
moving, this guy is

going to be handing out cigars.

I'm not good at horning in.

[Gopher sighs exasperatedly]

Ok, go, go, gopher
to the rescue.

The old phone caper--

I'll tell him he's got a call.

It'll give you a
clean shot at her.

Gee, thanks, goph.

I won't be able
to keep him long.

You got to get in there
fast, and loot, and pillage.

Excuse me, sir, mr, um, mr--

Bob Williams.

Bob Williams, right.

Call for you at the bar, sir.

Russ, hi.

I missed you at the pool
party this afternoon.

Well, I'm not
much into swimming.

You'd rather be off
fixing gadgets, I suppose.

Remember, you're on vacation.

[Russ laughs nervously]

I'll try.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

There's nobody there.

Give it time.

Any problem?

I thought I had a call,
but the phone's dead.

Hang on.

It's probably sun spots.

I'll show you the
communications center.

It's incredible.

Oh, perhaps I
ought to tell Bob.

He wouldn't be interested.

Come on.

Russ!

Russ: I can't swim.

Bob: I'll get him.

You're ok.

Take it easy.

Grab this.

Russ, are you all right?

That was quick thinking.

It sure was.

You certainly win the medal.

[Passengers offering praise]

Bob: Thank you.

No, it's nothing.

Thank you.

Good evening.

Hello, Jeffrey.

Don't you look nice?

Thank you, Mrs. Phillips.

Velma will be late.

She had to call her office.

Dad, can we get right
down to business here?

Thank you.

Bourbon and water.

This sort of thing just
isn't right for a man your age.

What does my age
got to do with it?

Now, when that company retired
me and gave me the gold watch,

they didn't say nothing about
trading in my double bed.

I am only
suggesting moderation.

It was your generation that
started the sexual revolution.

We're just trying
to get in on it.

Is there something
wrong with that?

You could have at least
taken separate cabins.

That would have been better.

You got some idea of better.

Jeffrey has a right
to his point of view.

It's no use.

He never listens to me.

He never listens to anyone.

Son, did you ever stop to
think there might be a reason

why you were an only child?

Elliott: So my
next book will deal

with these very challenging
ethical questions

posed by genetic engineering.

That's fascinating.

How are you coming
with your writing, Vicky?

I don't have much on doc
yet, just about his dollectomy.

Dollectomy?

And why the other
doctors call him frog head.

They do?

No, they really don't.

They did, but they
don't anymore, not now.

You know what would
give me a start?

If you could write a little
biography on yourself,

like Dr. Norton has on
the back of his book.

Could you do that?

Of course, he could.

With all Adam's
experiences aboard,

he could write a book himself.

I don't need a whole lot,
just a few of the highlights

from your medical career.

Oh, right, the highlights.

I'll do it tonight.

So you feel I could write a
book myself, huh, merrill?

You know-- looks like
I'll have to do it myself.

Ms. Brighton.

Yes?

I see that you are
booked on this evening's

night owl tour of the ship.

Aha.

Congratulations.

And your guide for this
evening is Mr. McDonald.

There he is all dried
off and as good as new.

Well, why not.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Yes, goodnight, doctor.

Good night.

Good evening.

Good evening.

[Gopher chuckles

mischievously]

Well, I see that Russ
finally met his lady.

Yeah, he's giving
her the grand tour

of the lower exotic passageway.

That won't do, gopher.

Passengers are not
allowed down there.

Sir, that's the whole point.

Doctor IQ can't seem to function
in crowds of more than two.

A ship is like a
floating city, totally

self-contained for every need.

We go in here.

Just step carefully.

Ok, what is this room?

Oh.

See, complete wine cellar.

Indeed.

Oh, let's have a box
of this at my table.

Over here, those are
the a*t*matic timers.

This turns on the
deck lights at sunset.

Remarkable, Russ.

This controls the pool motor.

And this one, this turns off
all the fixtures in the lobby.

What's the matter?

Wha-- it's a b*mb.

Holy moly.

Let's get out of here.

We've got to tell someone.

Don't move--
might not be timed.

A thousand tongue depresses
and a million aspirins.

Those are the highlights.

[Phone rings]

Dr. Bricker.

Oh, yes, Ms. Donaldson.

The hot compresses don't seem
to be helping your ankle?

You'd like to try cold?

Ok, try cold.

Good night.

I'm young.

I still have time.

There'll be lots of highlights.

Crew member (over pa):
Calling Dr. Bricker.

Dr. Adam bricker, report
to emergency surgery.

Dr. Adam bricker, report
to emergency surgery.

[Machines beeping]

Dr. Bricker, report as Dean
of Harvard medical school.

Dr. Bricker, report to Mayo
clinic as chief of staff.

Report to Stockholm for
a medal, to Buckingham

palace, royal command.

Report to Hollywood
for your life story.

Dr. Bricker, report
to Washington

for dinner in your honor
at the white house.

The white house.

The white house.

[Phone ringing]

The white house.

Yes, Mr. President?

What?

Oh, Mrs. Donaldson.

You don't think the
cold is working?

Sure.

Sure, put the ankle back on hot.

Right.

See you in the morning.

[Line disconnects]

Oh, my goodness.

Gopher: Ah, there you are.

Listen, captain does not want--

don't say a word.

We found a b*mb.

[Gopher exclaims in shock]

Russ: There.

It's ok, no problem.

It's all right.

Don't tell the captain.

You see, that
wasn't a real b*mb.

It looked like dynamite.

But it was just pieces I
sawed off a broom handle.

Broom.

Yes, see, I came
down here earlier,

and I rigged it to the light
timer to impress Kathy.

See, she seems to go for
the heroes, so I thought--

well, it was my only chance.

Please, don't tell anyone.

There's no harm done.

Gopher thinks we shouldn't
tell anybody about this,

might cause a panic.

Besides, it's all over.

Russ, I've never been so--

you were wonderful.

Anyone would
have done the same.

No, they wouldn't.

They couldn't.

You were wonderful.

Crew member (over
pa): Good morning,

and welcome to
Mexico and Mazatlan.

Guide maps are available
in the purser's

lobby to help you explore
its charming nooks

and crannies and cafes.

Going to shore?

No, Faye's not
feeling too well.

This whole thing must
be very upsetting to her.

Look, dad, please,
try and understand

I really want you to be happy.

You've been a great dad.

I'm proud to be your son,
even if I am an only child.

Hey, Jeffrey, I'm really
sorry about that dumb crack.

I'm always sh**ting off
my mouth about something.

I'm very proud of you too.

Thank you.

You're really a great
guy, for a lawyer.

There I go again.

Well, now, about
our situation.

I don't know why this is so
upsetting to me, but it is.

I can accept it intellectually,
but emotionally, I

have great problems.

I don't know.

Maybe it's just a feeling
of loyalty to mom.

That bothered me at first.

But, well, you remember mom.

She was always happy.

And she always wanted
everybody else to be happy too.

You know something?

I think she'd like Faye.

You know, you too really
don't have a problem.

You can do whatever you please.

There is nothing
anybody can do about it.

I know that, Jeffrey.

But having you and
velma's approval

is very important to Faye.

And things between the two of
us won't be the same without it.

So we do have a problem.

You sure you don't
want to go into Mazatlan?

I'm perfectly happy
right where I am.

It's the captain.

Probably want to congratulate
you on dismantling the b*mb.

Hello, are you staying aboard?

Yes, I think I've
had quite enough

excitement value after last
night in the storage room

with Russ.

You know, when I realized
what was happening,

at first, I wanted to just
run away, screaming for help.

Russ was so [inaudible] and
reassuring and so knowing,

my fears just vanished.

Maybe we should go into town.

He's got the
hands of a musician

and has such a delicate touch.

We can still catch the bus.

It was an experience I
am never going to forget.

You know, it seemed like it
was going to go on forever.

And just when I
thought, I cannot

stand this for one single
more second, it was over.

I almost collapsed.

And this one, just as
strong, and confident,

and fresh as a Daisy.

What is the hurry?

I wanted to shout.

I wanted to tell
everybody aboard this ship

how magnificent he was.

But he said that it might,
you know, cause a panic.

Yes, I suppose it might.

He won't let me brag.

Would you believe it?

That sorry little computer
genius has an x-rated printout.

It's been a real
experience for me.

There must've been a dozen
patients here with problems

so minor, they never would
have gone to a doctor with them

back home.

[Phone rings]

Excuse me.

Dr. Bricker.

Yes, Mr. Benson.

How's your sunburn?

What?

Dr. Norton?

Yes, he's here.

Dr. Norton.

Oh, yes, I'll be happy to
autograph the book for you.

There'll be a little
get-together on the starlight

deck at o'clock.

You're very welcome.

It was the captain's idea.

I'll give my usual boring
talk if anybody shows up.

I'm sure they will.

[Knock on door]

Come in.
- Hi.

Hi.

Do you have your bio for me?

Oh, I haven't had a
chance to finish it.

I'd better get my
speech notes together.

Oh, may I got with you?

I'd just love to see how
a famous writer works.

Not so famous.

Listen, you're welcome to come.

But all you'll see is a
grown man desperately chewing

up about a dozen pencils.

Crew member (over
pa): Attention please,

we are now leaving Mazatlan
and will be cruising

past the baha peninsula.

Oh, it is beautiful, isn't it?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Russ, there's something
you might as well know.

When we get back home,
I'm not going to introduce

you to any of my girlfriends.

I'm not going to
share you with anyone.

There's something you
might as well know too.

What's that, tiger?

They're starting
the tea dance.

Shall we?

Wait.

This is not easy for me.

You want to go someplace
quiet where we can talk?

No.

I really don't know
where to begin.

Well, just go ahead.

I'm all yours.

What is it?

Kathy, what i'm
trying to say is--

why don't we go to the dance?

Come on.

So despite all the
technological wonders

in medicine today,
the truth physician

is still not to be judged by
the hardware in his office,

but by the humanity
in his heart.

[Passengers clapping]

Why don't we take
a short break now,

and then Dr. Norton will be
available to sign autographs.

Oh, everyone just loved
your speech, Dr. Norton.

Could you give
me a list of names,

and I'll send every one a bill?

It was superb, Elliot.

I don't know when I've
ever been so moved.

Thank you very much.

Gopher: Doc?
- Oh, excuse me

gopher: Do you mind?

Sure.

A very pretty girl just
showed up looking for you.

Me?

Oh, you mean, Dr. Norton.

No, no.

Well, well, party time, huh?

Tea party time.

Sarah toomey and the tea party
in the cabin with her dad.

And they'd like
you to join them.

Well, if you'll
excuse me, a star

much please his fans, especially
when there's only one.

Sarah, well, thank you for
inviting me to your party.

Thanks for coming, doc.

What are we going to have?

Cookies, peanut butter and
jelly sandwich, and bananas.

Are we going to have some tea?

Tea for you, milk for me.

All right.

He's quite a guy.

More than you know.

Julie tells me that
change in that little girl

has been remarkable.

And it's happened
before with doc.

Oh, it has?

Mm-hmm.

I'd like to hear more.

[Knock on door]

Oh, hi.

Is it dinner time already?

No, not quite.

Vicky, can I speak
with you a minute?

Well, sure.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Oh, I see you're reading
Dr. Norton's book.

I'm having trouble
with some of it.

But most of it's super.

He's quite a guy, which brings
me to the point of my visit.

Beginning writers
should take advantage

of the best possible material.

I think you should do
your article about him.

But I want to write about you.

You could do
that another time.

He's too good a
subject to pass up.

He's more than just
a glamorous figure.

He's a truly
dedicated physician.

He merits his success.

Bug I'd still
rather write about--

Vicky, I appreciate
your loyalty,

but honestly, it won't
bother me a bit, ok?

Doc.

Yeah?

Can I ask you a question?

I know it sounds awful, but--

go ahead.

Did you ever wish that
you had done what he did?

You don't mess around, do you?

Ok, I'll level with you.

There have been times when
I felt that he seems to have

done so much and I so little.

He has everything.

But then at the tea
party this afternoon,

I looked at my life, my
friends and realized,

I have everything too--

different things, but
equally wonderful to me.

So I don't envy him,
but I do admire him.

And that's why you
should write about him--

doctor's orders.

Are you sure you're up to it?

We could have dinner
right here in this cabin.

I'll be all right.

Well, it's not
worth it, honey.

So don't get all upset.

[Knock on door]

I'll get it.

Hello.

Are you feeling better, mama?

We'd just like
to say one thing.

You have said enough.

Just send us a bill.

I'm not going to put
Faye through this.

Please, hear me out, hm?

Now, we both love you.

We really do.

But could you bend
a little our way.

What?

What we're suggesting
is that you marry her.

Marry her?

I'm sure it's
not what you want.

It is what I want.

It is?

Then why?

Because she doesn't want me.

That's right.

Mama!

It's not that
I don't love him.

I do very much.

It's a simple
matter of economics.

Economics?

Tom gets paid very
little for his work

with the youth
groups in Phoenix,

which he loves so much.

But that and his small
pension, if it wasn't

for the alimony payments I
get from your father's estate,

we couldn't make it.

If I get married
again, I lose it.

$ makes a lot of difference.

And in case you're wondering
how we paid for this trip,

Faye sold her car.

Because we thought it
would be a good idea

to bring the families together.

But obviously that
was a mistake.

Well, maybe we'll try
again some other time.

But now, if you'll excuse us,
Tom and I would like to spend

our last night aboard together.

And, Jeffrey, the idea
of marriage was very good.

But I've been trying to
convince this wonderful woman

to marry me ever since
the first time I met her.

I hope you forgive me, mama.

I didn't know.

I didn't even realize.

It's ok, honey.

Really, it is.

May I extend my
congratulations

to the great wizard of oz.

From what the captain
tells me, that b*mb caper

really did the trick.

She's obviously crazy about you.

She's not crazy about me.

She's crazy about the
man she thinks I am.

So?

So I got to tell
her the truth.

That wasn't a b*mb,
and I'm no hero.

Are you a complete loony tune.

That'll blow the
entire relationship.

You got a dynamite
thing going here.

It's a figure of speech.

I got to do it.

Every minute i'm
with her, I feel

more and more like a phony.

Just wait a little.

You've got a great thing going.

Wait till you're both more
solid, and you'll tell her,

you'll both laugh about it.

Wait a little bit--

a year.

She'll never forget the
awful scare I gave her.

Two.

Five.

Are you ready for dinner?

He sure is.

There's, uh, something
I've got to tell you.

There was no b*mb?

It was just a phony, like me.

But why?

You seemed to go for the hero
type, so I wanted to be one.

I wanted desperately to be
the kind of guy you wanted.

But I'm not, and I never can be.

Hey, doc.

Can we speak to you a minute?

Oh, Julie, I'm due down at --

that won't be necessary.

Dr. Norton, he'll be
handing all your calls.

Well, you mean,
I've been replaced?

Precisely.

Yes, it'll give
you some free time,

so you can get started on
your interview with Vicky.

Oh, merrill, about that--

oh, doc, we know all about it.

Vicky told us that you suggested
she write about Dr. Norton.

But we decided that
the real story is you

and your battle against the
pressure that we specialist

have been spared--

tedium.

Adam, you handle minor
complaints over and over,

day after day, year after year.

You give your patients
your undiminished care

and attention.

Today, that's a specialist.

But, Elliot, you've
had the big cases.

What are the big cases?

Sure, I've operated on hearts.

You've mended them, as
you did with little Sarah.

Well, doc, you're
just going to have

to face the ugly truth-- you're
too admirable to pass up.

Now, come on, scoop
stubing is waiting for you.

Come on.

We'll see you later.

They're really nice kids, Tom.

They're in a tough
situation too.

Jeffrey did have a good idea.

Listen, Faye, why
don't we get married?

I can get another job.

And they are hiring
people at the supermarket.

Honey, you're so sweet.

But I really can't
see you as a boxboy.

We have no choice.

We'll have to go on as we are,
even without their approval.

Phillip: Dad, Faye?

Ok, we've talked everything
over, and we have the answer.

Tell them.

Well, we're each going
to send you $ a month,

so you can do without
the alimony payments

and get married.

Isn't that great?

No, that means that we'd
be living off your money.

I'm sorry.

I don't think--

what a generous gesture.

Of course, we accept,
and we are very grateful.

Wonderful, wonderful.

I'll have a legal,
irrevocable trust formed.

And the funds will
get to you regularly.

Come on, let's go
in and celebrate.

You guys go ahead.

We'll be in in a minute.
- Ok.

- Ok.
- Come on.

Faye, now, you know how
much I've wanted this.

But for us to get married
under these circumstances--

my first husband was as
sweet a man as you are.

I know he'd approve.

And the kids can afford it.

So we'll just consider
this as our just rewards

for all the years of
diapers and orthodonture.

Don't you think we should
take the money from the kids?

Oh, sure.

Then why the long face?

I was just thinking about all
the clothes I used to buy him.

We should have held out for .

[Knocking on door]

Russ!
Russ!

Wake up!
Come on!

Hurry!

[Banging on door]
Russ!

Russ!

[Banging on door]

Come on.

Come on.

Hurry, we've got to go.

What?
I--

special night time
lifeboat drill, Russ.

We've got to move.

I didn't hear any alarm.

No?

[Inaudible]

No, I was listening.

Come on, come on, come on.

No time to talk, Russ.

Thank you for waiting.

I wouldn't miss it.

Where is everybody?

Evidently, gopher thinks this
emergency is just for the two

of us, and I'm glad he did it.

Gives me a chance
to tell you what

a dumb thing I think you did.

But I already
admitted it, Kathy.

That b*mb--

I'm not talking
about the b*mb.

You did something even dumber.

Something even dumber?

Obviously, you see me
as a hero worshipper,

some sort of lifeguard groupie.

That's dumb, and it's
very uncomplimentary.

I didn't mean--

did it never occur
to you that I might

value other qualities in a man?

Intelligence,
sincerity, swiftness,

qualities you have in abundance.

No, you thought I
wanted a captain marvel.

Then you don't--

Kathy: And you're wrong
about something else.

You are brave.

You had to be brave to
confess to me the way you do.

Kathy, you don't suppose
maybe I could try again?

Gopher said you might
even forget about it

if I waited, maybe, five years.

Russ, you would really
be a dumbo if you waited

any more than five seconds.

My article about doc is
coming along just great.

She's taken a
wonderful guy and made

him even more wonderful.

I hope all this doesn't
make him impossibly conceited.

Oh, I'm sure it won't.

Because you have supreme faith
in my strength of character?

No, because if it
does, we'll just start

calling you frog head again.

Bye, Dr. Norton.

Bye, Elliot.

Well, I hope you
enjoyed your cruise.

Oh, we sure did.

And these two will be coming
back to your honeymoon suite.

We couldn't possibly afford--

Jeffrey and I decided to
make it our wedding gift.

I don't know about that.

I don't think I could afford
that kind of wardrobe.

Ok, ok, I'll also
spring for a new wardrobe.

Isn't it marvelous?

It certainly is.

By the way, how will we
get here from Phoenix.

We'll manage.

We all better be going.

Don't push your luck.

Yeah, it looks like old cupid
gopher to the rescue again.

See, I knew that that lifeboat
drill would bring you two

lovebirds back together again.

Because Russ here is so shy.

I said to myself,
gopher, I said,

you got to use that
genius brain of yours.

Save the day and the night.

Yeah, I just couldn't stand to
see anything come between you

two.

[Phone rings]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Anything wrong?

It rang, but it went dead.

Probably sunspots.

[Theme music]