04x27 - Maid for Each Other/Lost and Found/Then There Were Two

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new ♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest
reward ♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love ♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile
♪ On a friendly shore

♪ It's love ♪ Welcome
aboard ♪ It's love ♪

Oh. Hey, you guys, my Aunt Loretta
hasn't come aboard yet, has she?

- Not yet, Gopher.
- Relax, Gopher. Don't be nervous.

You're acting like you're
auditioning for the part of her nephew.

- Now, believe me, you've got the job.
- Sir, I know.

I want her to be proud of me.

She's so used to hobnobbing with
all these sophisticated celebrities.

Just because your Aunt Loretta
is an international celebrity,

you know she's still your aunt.

Judging from the
picture you have of her,

I'd say that your Aunt
Loretta has just come aboard.

- Aunt Loretta!
- Gopher!

- Ooh!
- Oh!

I was afraid you weren't
gonna get here before we sailed.

- Oh, I was too. The plane was late.
- I thought you had your own plane?

Well, that's why I was late.

I stayed onboard to
see the end of the movie.

That's the last time I
show Gone With The Wind.

That sure beats standing
in line at the movies.

Your own plane? I
don't even have a bike.

Oh, Aunt Loretta, I want you
to meet some perfect strangers.

This is our ship's
doctor, Adam Bricker.

Doctor.

And this is Julie McCoy,
our cruise director.

- Welcome aboard.
- And this is Vicki Stubing

and her father
Captain Merrill Stubing.

This may not be my very own ship,
but I certainly hope you enjoy the cruise.

Oh, I'm sure I will, Captain.

And if she doesn't, she'll just buy
the ship and make me the captain.

Oh, don't worry, sir, I'll
always find a place for you.

Oh! I'm sorry, stupid of me.

No, I take that back.
It wasn't stupid of me.

It was very intelligent of me.
Otherwise, I never would have met you.

- [LAUGHS] Duncan Harlow.
- This is my Aunt Loretta.

Charmed.

Well, I... I'm sure you
all have some work to do

and I don't want
to be in the way,

so I... I think I'll get a breath
of city air before we sail.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Bye. She's lovely, Gopher.

Yeah. It runs in the family.

Loretta, where have you been?
It's chilly and you took my fur.

Oh, I am sorry.

- Yes, well, bring the suitcases.
- Oh! Uh, no, ma'am. Uh, this way.

- [BABY FUSSING]
- The captain's gonna take

good care of you, I promise.

Come on, now.

There you go.

Here. I hope you forgive me.

- I love you.
- [CRYING]

I love you very much.

- Well, hello.
- Hello, there.

I'm Ted Harper and this
is Richard Henderson.

Hi.

I'm the sexy one and he's
the best friend of the sexy one.

It's okay. This man has been
embarrassing me since college.

Hey, Rich, be fair. I've actually been
embarrassing you since grade school.

Uh, Rich, how
about checking us in?

The sexy one has to find
somebody to be sexy with.

Terrific, yeah.

- Is he really your best friend?
- For years.

We have absolutely
nothing in common,

except that of us fraternity
brothers invested $ apiece

into a pot about years
ago to go to the last bachelor.

- Ted and I are the only two left.
- Wow!

Fifty-six times a hundred,
that's almost $ , .

A lot more than that.

We invested the money in glamour
stocks which performed glamorously.

- Now it's worth about $ , .
- Wow!

So who's gonna
hold out the longest?

You know, I don't think either
of us will ever get married.

You see, Ted, he likes
all the ladies, and me, I...

- I guess I'm married to my job.
- Hm.

That's Richard.

What do you think of
your future husband?

He's kind of cute.

But I always hoped
I'd marry for love.

Well, don't look at me.

I'm planning on a long
and wealthy bachelorhood.

Come on, don't
get cold feet now.

Okay, a deal's a deal.

Thanks, Paula. I knew I could
count on an old friend like you.

If I'm such old friend, how come
I've never met Richard before?

Well, with $ , on the line,

he hasn't exactly been
anxious to meet girls.

Besides, I never thought
of this idea before.

[SHIP HORN BLARES]

Eddie?

Eddie Martin! [LAUGHS]

- Karen.
- Hi!

- Hi.
- Just, "Hi, Karen?"

In Cumberland High it was undying love
in the back seat of your father's Chevy,

- remember?
- Well, a lot's happened since then.

Well, I should hope
so, for both our sakes.

- You work here?
- Yeah, I do. I work here.

Good. Well then, we'll
have time to catch up

on what each other's been doing.

- You know, you're a lucky guy.
- Me?

Sure. I had to
pay for this cruise.

Well, you did it again, Merrill.

You got us out of port without
side swiping a single ship.

I do have a nice touch, don't I?

[BABY CRYING]

Is there something you
want to tell me, Merrill?

Sh...

"Dear Captain, I know that you
will take good care of my baby.

- I've tried, but I can't."
- Oh...

"God forgive me."

- It's okay.
- Oh...

Careful, Loretta.
You're mussing my slip.

Yes, ma'am.

You know, Loretta, I
think your problem is

that you think you're
too good to be a maid.

Now, just because you
had some money. [LAUGHS]

I didn't have "some
money," ma'am.

Before my husband
died, I had lots of money.

And then you had lots of debts.

Don't forget, Loretta, I
could probably get a maid

who hadn't had lots of money
and would just like to work.

Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Randolph, as I told you,

by coincidence my nephew
is a member of the ship's crew.

And he doesn't know
that I'm working as...

I'm not interested in
your personal life, Loretta.

I'm not paying you to
talk, I'm paying you to work.

Yes, ma'am.

I don't know.

The more I think about
it, the less I like the idea

- of trapping somebody into marriage.
- We're just setting a trap.

He's a free citizen, nobody's
forcing him to walk into it.

And besides, you'll be
getting $ , from me

and you can divorce
him in six months.

- Sounds worse all the time.
- Don't worry.

Now, remember his weaknesses?

- He's very practical.
- That's right.

He's a nice man, but
very, very slow with a dollar.

And he's very health-conscious.

And he's a nut
about being punctual.

And here he comes now.
Don't forget, punctuality.

Hey, Ted, where'd you go? I thought
you were going to wait for me to change.

I'm sorry, Rich. I came
up to get some sun.

Say, listen, I hear there's
a shuffleboard contest.

- What time do you have?
- Um...

It is exactly minutes and
seven-tenths of a second past three.

Make that eight-tenths
of a second.

- Are you always that time conscious?
- Yes, indeed.

We are all servants of time,

and by being punctual we
greatly please our stern employer.

What a beautiful way to put it.

Oh. Well, come on, Rich. Let's
go catch a shuffleboard contest.

That's okay, Ted, you go ahead. I'd
like to talk some more to this young lady.

- That is, if you don't mind.
- I don't mind.

I planned to sit here for another
and three-quarters minutes.

You're very time conscious.

Well, time is
life, life is time.

Exactly.

I wonder whose it is.

Well, whoever left this
baby is either still on the ship

- or got off before we sailed.
- Thanks, Goph, that narrows it down.

Well, until we return to Los Angeles
and turn it over to the proper authorities,

the responsibility
of the baby is ours.

- I wonder if it's a boy or girl?
- Oh, it's a boy.

- How do you know?
- Well, I looked.

It's stitched in, right here
on his bonnet. Matthew.

- Doc? Can I hold him?
- Huh?

- Yeah, okay.
- Thank you.

Oh, a cute little rascal.

Does anyone have any
idea how he got here?

I think he swam. He's all wet.

- [LAUGHS] Excuse me.
- Oh!

Do I have to physically bump
into you again to talk to you,

or could we just settle for figuratively
bumping into each other this time, huh?

Well, this time I'll settle for
figuratively bumping into each other.

Although, who knows
what the future brings?

Exactly. Now,
when I came aboard,

I didn't realize that there was
going to be a lovely lady in mine.

And looking even
further into the future,

would you have dinner
with me this evening?

Well, I've been invited to
sit at the captain's table.

But since my nephew has
great influence on this ship,

I'm sure you're welcome to join
us. Well, that is, if you care to.

I'll sit anywhere
to be near you.

Even if I have to share
you with the captain.

Thank you.

It isn't every maid who gets
to go on an ocean voyage.

Oh, you brought your
maid along on the cruise?

Even a maid deserves
to be treated nicely.

- Hi, Karen.
- Oh, hi.

Listen, I wanted to apologize
for before. I was very rude.

Oh, no, you weren't, Eddie.

You know, except for the beard,

you haven't changed a bit since
you took me to the senior prom.

[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

That was one of the
best nights of my life.

Yeah.

How's everything in New York?

I understand you're a
successful decorator.

Yeah, I've been very lucky.

And bumping into you,
maybe I'm lucky again.

Yeah, well, I've got
a lot of work to do.

- Uh, could we have dinner tonight?
- No, I'm sorry, Karen.

It's against the rules. Below
decks don't mix with above decks.

- Then I'll change decks.
- Sorry, Karen.

I guess our timing
never was the best.

Here you go. San
Francisco Sunrise.

- [BABY CRYING]
- Hey, Gopher. That baby's crying.

Thank you, Dr. Washington.
He's been crying for an hour.

I'm gonna take him down to
Doc's and get him checked over.

- Maybe he's just hungry.
- Hey, big fella, you want a pretzel?

Isaac, he doesn't
even have any teeth!

Neither does my uncle,
and he eats everything.

Will you cut out the
jokes? I think he's sick.

Poor baby. Are you
the proud father?

Oh, no, no, no. He was
abandoned. Right here on the ship.

Oh, that's horrible. Who'd
do a cruel thing like that?

Listen, are you guys just going to
stand there and let that baby cry?

GOPHER: Uh...

This baby isn't sick. He just
needs a little love, that's all.

Eddie, you and that baby
seem to belong together.

I just can't believe all the
things we have in common.

- May I help you folks?
- Grapefruit juice, please.

Well, that's my
favorite. Make that two.

- All right.
- Please bring my grapefruit juice

with no ice. Then with my
grapefruit juice with no ice,

bring me a
separate glass of ice.

Certainly, that's the
only way to drink it.

If you let them bring you
the ice in the grapefruit juice,

you only get half as
much grapefruit juice.

However, if you order a
glass of ice separately,

you not only get twice as much ice,
you get twice as much grapefruit juice.

I never thought of that.

This way it's like getting
two glasses of grapefruit juice

- for the price of one.
- Mm-hm.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Ah.
- My watch stopped.

- I think it's broken.
- Oh, let me see that.

There.

- That should last you a lifetime.
- Why, thanks.

Isn't she great?

Yeah, I guess so, if
you like practical women.

[LAUGHTER]

- [CORK POPS]
- Whoa!

That's a fabulous
story, Loretta.

I bet you've dined with
every celebrity that ever lived.

Well, everyone but
Queen Elizabeth.

We kept missing each other's
calls and never did get together.

Wait a minute, wait
a minute! She called!

I forgot to give you
the message. Oh!

By the way, Gopher, whose baby
was that I saw you with on deck?

Oh, you must mean little Matthew.
We don't know. He was abandoned.

- Oh.
- But we're all taking care of him.

You should have seen the
way Gopher changed his diapers.

What's wrong with the
way I changed his diapers?

Poor little Matthew almost
had to go through life

with Gopher's fingers
pinned to his bottom.

That's not true, Vicki.

Well, anyone can make a mistake.

- Where's Richard?
- He went to the cabin to get something.

Oh. Things are going just great.

He's swallowing the whole
thing, hook, line and sinker.

- How do I look?
- Oh, just look casual.

Like you're out on a date.

Now, listen, remember at dinner,

you have to convince him
you're a fellow health nut.

Turkey.

Oh, that'd be a
smart thing to order.

See you later.

Sorry. I forgot my vitamins.

Some people don't
believe in vitamins, but I do.

Oh, I take some vitamins
myself once in a while.

I used to take more vitamins,

but I've cut down to only
different kinds before each meal.

These days, I'm
concentrating more on herbs.

I've found that squaw vine is absolutely
marvelous for almost everything.

Yucca, I'm sure you
know, is for the muscles.

And skunk cabbage stops
whooping cough in its tracks.

I'd given up all hope of ever
meeting a woman like you.

Loretta, there's your maid.

GOPHER: I didn't know
you brought your maid.

Oh! Well, wherever I
go, she goes. Excuse me.

Mrs. Randolph, I thought you were
going to have your dinner in your cabin.

- I changed my mind. Good evening.
- Good evening.

- Would you care to join us?
- Thank you.

I know we're living in a changing
world, but I'm of the old school.

I don't approve of
ladies and their maids

sitting down to dine
at the same table.

Oh, she's such an eccentric.

Loretta, I, for one, think it
was very charming of you

to ask her to sit with us.

Well, I want to treat us as equals,
but being from the old school,

she just won't have it.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

I really should be
getting back to my cabin.

All right.

In about three hours.

- Hi.
- Well, hi.

Well, dinner wasn't
much fun alone, you know.

Well, the way you look and
with all the guys on this ship,

I find it hard to believe
you couldn't find someone.

Well, maybe I wasn't looking.

You better be careful. That's
the way it usually happens.

[LAUGHS] I know.

Eddie, what's the matter?

Where's the old Eddie I use to know
with a smile as bright as sunshine, huh?

I guess I've just got a
lot on my mind, Karen.

Well, can I help?

No, I don't think so.

Hey, it's me, Karen. Remember?

We used to tell each
other everything.

Karen, uh... I was married.

And my wife died
about six months ago.

- Oh, I'm... I'm really sorry.
- It's all right. Thank you.

I'm just having a little trouble
getting my life back together.

I can imagine.

I also have a
little baby, a son.

Yeah? Well, he's a lucky boy.

I bet you're a wonderful father.

I can tell from the way that you
held that baby on deck today.

Uh, where is he, your baby?

Oh, he's...

He's being taken care
of by some friends.

Oh...

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

- You're a marvelous dancer.
- Thank you.

I used to be very clumsy until I
started running miles a day.

Six miles forward and
six miles backwards.

You're a very nice dancer, too.

In fact, you're a very nice man.

[MUSIC ENDS]

I'll go get us a couple
of grapefruit juices.

- Remember...
- I know.

One glass of grapefruit
juice, one glass of ice.

This is easier than I
thought it would be.

I think he's in love with you.

Well, I'm glad you're enjoying
it so much. I feel terrible.

How can you play such a dirty
trick on a good friend of yours?

Listen, if one of us
doesn't get married,

that money's going
to stay there forever.

This way, at least one
of us will get to enjoy it.

- We still have a deal, don't we?
- Yes.

Then keep dancin', kid.

- Oh, what a beautiful night.
- Mm-hm.

But I really should be
getting back to my cabin.

Mrs. Randolph will be
wondering what happened to me.

Mrs. Randolph really is my maid,

but, um, sometimes she treats
me as if she were my governess.

It's fitting you should
have a governess

because you make me feel
like a very little boy again.

A very naughty little boy.

Loretta, I'm a very wealthy man,

and I control a very
powerful conglomerate.

And right now I'm
thinking of a merger.

Is that all you can think about
out here in the moonlight?

Yes, I would like to
merge my lips with yours.

Well, I would hate to
disappoint the stockholders.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Ah... what a wonderful evening.

And... what a wonderful girl.

Richard, there's
something I want to tell you.

What is it?

Uh, well... I don't know
how to tell you this.

- I'm... I'm, uh...
- Hm?

Well, I'm finding it
very difficult to say.

I think I know
what you're saying.

I've been finding it very
difficult to tell you too.

As a matter of fact, I've never
told anyone before in my life.

But here goes.

I love you.

It was a lot easier
than I thought it'd be.

Now, do you want to try it?

Go ahead, it's easy.

Uh...

I love you too, Richard.

There you go. One more
thing we have in common.

[CHUCKLES] Wait till Ted finds out
he's gonna have , more bucks.

- What?
- Nothing. It's a private joke.

- You called me, ma'am?
- Yes, I've been calling you.

What's more, I've been calling you all
night. Where in the world have you been?

- Well, I guess I was sound asleep.
- I went to your room.

Well, maybe I was sleepwalking.

Loretta, you've worked for me for
five years. You never walk in your sleep.

Well, it comes and it goes,
just about every five years.

I don't want to hear
any more about it.

Now, here's a list of what I
want you to do for me today.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, Mrs. Randolph, could I
take a second to see my nephew?

We haven't seen each
other in such a long time.

All right. But don't
disappear all morning.

I won't. Thank you.

Well, aren't you
surprised about us?

Surprised isn't the word for it.

Who would have ever thought I'd
find my future wife on this cruise?

Who indeed?

- I'm gonna miss you, old buddy.
- Oh, yeah?

Well, while your missing me, you can
sit around and count your money too.

Come on, Paula, let's
walk off this breakfast.

See you later, Ted.

Can you see the poop deck?

Well, everything's arranged
just the way you wanted.

They can get married in
the city hall in Acapulco.

They do look happy, don't they?

Yeah.

- Tell me something.
- Hm?

For a man who just won
$ , , why don't I feel happier?

Maybe you're starting to realize
that your friend may have gotten

the better end of the deal.

Of course, I'm
biased. I'm a woman.

[BABY COOING]

Shh. There, there, Matthew,
everything's going to be all right.

Dad, why is he so cranky?

- Is he okay?
- I hope so, Vicki.

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Come in.

I think we have a problem,
Adam. He feels very warm to me.

Warm? Merrill, this
baby's burning up.

- [CRYING]
- Sh...

- Hi.
- Good morning, darling.

- Coffee?
- Oh, thank you.

- Well?
- Well, what?

- Are you going to tell me?
- Tell you what?

I know your
secret, Aunt Loretta.

How did you find out?

You can't hide things from me.

I saw you two
kissing last night.

That old Harlow's
really a mover, isn't he?

Oh, you mean Duncan Harlow.

Oh. Well, yes, I
like Mr. Harlow a lot.

Are you going to
marry him or not?

I only just met him.

Well, maybe that would be
a good time to get married.

Before we find out
each other's faults.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, you.

- [BABY FUSSING]
- Let me put you down now. Here.

Okay, here you go. There you go.

Nice and easy. Like that.

I'm no pediatrician, Merrill.

But all my tests point
to the same conclusion.

Matthew has autoimmune
hemolytic anemia.

- What's that?
- It's a severe blood infection.

He needs a
transfusion. Otherwise...

Otherwise what?

I just don't know
if he'll make it.

I'll make arrangements to
have him flown to Los Angeles.

We don't have that kind of time,
Merrill. He needs blood right away.

- Use mine.
- I wish I could.

You see, Matthew's blood
type is A/B. It's extremely rare.

- Maybe a passenger.
- Well, we can try.

But, Merrill, keep
your fingers crossed.

Only three people in a
hundred have type A/B.

DOC: It's okay. All right.

I think we should drink
a toast to our marriage.

To the woman I've
waited for all my life.

I can't marry you, Richard.

What do you mean,
you can't marry me?

Ted set the whole
thing up with me.

To win the $ , .

I don't believe this.

You're just too nice a
guy to go through with it.

- You mean everything was a lie?
- Everything.

Ted thinks the reason I
was doing it was because

he was going to give me $ , .

The real reason is... I was
hoping to make him jealous.

[SIGHS]

I feel terrible.

That son of a g*n. He got me.

I can't believe I let
myself fall for this.

- I'm sorry, Richard.
- I am gonna get that louse.

I don't know how and I don't know
when, but I am going to get him.

And you're going to help me.

Loretta, I want to talk to you
about something very serious.

All right, I'll put on
my very serious face.

Loretta, I do not
do things by whim.

I put you through the
computer in my mind.

And the final
readout was, "Wow!!!"

With three exclamation points.

I want to marry you.

I thought you were going to
talk about something serious.

I have never been more
serious in my whole life.

Now, I... I love you.

And you don't have to worry about
my marrying you for your money

because I'm very
well off myself.

There you are. And
sitting there drinking.

I've been looking
for you all day.

Excuse me, but I don't think
that that is the proper tone of voice

for a maid to use
to her employer.

Maid? Do I look like a maid?

She's the maid.
I'm the employer.

And the employer's
telling the maid she's fired.

[GIGGLES]

- Oh, it's beautiful here, isn't it?
- Yeah.

Well, you seem to be
feeling better today. Huh?

Yeah, a little bit.

Eddie, listen, I know that you're
going through a rough time right now,

but I just want to tell you
that I really care about you.

- And for you.
- Thanks.

Karen, I know I could care
about you too, if I let myself,

but right now I
just can't. I can't.

- I understand.
- No, I don't think you do.

It's not what you think. I
haven't told you everything.

Well, I'm a good listener.

STUBING [OVER PA]:
This is your captain.

I have an announcement
of utmost importance.

A blood donor is
needed immediately.

If you have blood type A/B,
contact the ship's doctor right away.

An infant is gravely ill.

Oh, could it be that
poor abandoned baby?

- Oh, my God, no.
- Where are you going?

I'm going to my son, Karen.

Well, it won't be long now before
I'll be Mrs. Richard Henderson.

- How do you like my wedding dress?
- Oh, you look lovely.

Hey, that's the way you wore
your hair when we first met.

- Is it?
- Sure, don't you remember?

Oh, women don't
remember those silly things.

And isn't that the
perfume you always wore?

Yes and no.

Behind this ear is new, behind
this ear is the one you remember.

Oh, that's even better
than I remember.

Richard loves it too.

I'm so lucky.

Some people marry for
love, some for money.

I'm marrying for both love and
money, and I have you to thank for it.

Yeah, I fixed
things up real good.

- Is something wrong?
- No, no, nothing's wrong.

Nothing, except that I love you.

Ted, please, I'm
practically married.

Well, then you're also
still practically single.

Marry me when
we get to Acapulco.

- Marry you?
- That's right.

I want you to live with me, in
a big house with lots of kids.

- What about Richard?
- We won't have room.

- I mean lots of kids.
- I can't do it to him.

It'll break his heart.

He'll have $ , ,
he can get a transplant.

- What will I tell him?
- Nothing, nothing.

- I'll tell him after the wedding.
- You're both very nice.

Please!

Well, I guess I have
known you longer.

Dad, how long have
they been in there?

Vicki, you have asked me that
five times in the last five minutes.

Sorry, Dad.

I'm sorry, honey. I
shouldn't be snapping at you.

It's just that I'm worried
about little Matthew in there.

Poor Eddie, I can
imagine how he feels.

Eddie's a good person,
Captain, and a caring person.

Abandoning a baby
is a serious offense.

Well, I'm sure that he had an
important reason for doing what he did.

Well, yes, I'm sure.

But I cabled the authorities
the minute we found Matthew.

So I'm afraid it's
out of my hands.

For God's sakes, don't
let him die, Doc, please.

I'm doing everything in my
power, Eddie. I promise you that.

[BABY CRYING]

It's okay.

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- GOPHER: Come on in.

Aunt Loretta. Is
something wrong?

There's only one thing wrong.
But it's a pretty big one thing.

I'm not who you think I am.

Well, I think you're
my Aunt Loretta.

You're not my Aunt Loretta?

Oh, of course I'm
still your Aunt Loretta.

It's just that I'm not a
wealthy Aunt Loretta anymore.

When my husband died, Gopher, I
found out that all of his companies

were heavily in debt so I had to sell
everything to pay back what he owed.

Oh, I still travel all
over Europe, but...

now as Mrs. Randolph's maid.

You... are a maid?

- Oh!
- I didn't want you

or the rest of the family to
worry or feel sorry for me.

So I... I just
didn't tell anyone.

Oh, Aunt Loretta, I... Whoa!

Well, I guess you and I are gonna
have to do some serious family planning,

because if you're a maid...

that means that Thursday's
your day off, right?

Oh! [LAUGHS] Oh, Gopher!

Well, Mrs. Randolph
just fired me,

so now I have Monday, Tuesdays,
Wednesdays and Fridays off too.

Hm. Did you tell
Mr. Harlow about this?

Yes, he knows, and I'm sure
he doesn't need another maid.

I'm leaving the
ship at Acapulco.

Oh, Aunt Loretta, I'm sorry.

- Well, I really love you. Come here.
- Oh!

They've been in
there for three hours.

I'm sure Doc is
doing all he can, sir.

- Any news?
- No, not yet.

- Oh, Eddie. Is he all right?
- He's gonna be okay.

I think this man could
use a drink, orange juice.

[LAUGHTER]

GOPHER [OVER PA]: Good
afternoon and welcome to Acapulco.

The ship will remain in
Acapulco until : midnight.

And so, in front of these witnesses, I
now pronounce you husband and wife.

Ha-ha! I got you! I got you!

You tried to do it to
me, but I did it to you!

Is he telling the truth?
Did you set me up?

There you are, Paula, $ , for
helping me out-scheme the schemer.

- [LAUGHS]
- Ted!

Would somebody finish
kissing the bride for me?

JULIE [OVER PA]:
Your attention, please.

Our night club tour will
leave in one half hour.

Captain, please, I'm sure if
you spoke to the authorities...

I want to help you, Eddie.

But the authorities can take
your baby away from you.

- After all, you did abandon it.
- Captain, my back was to the wall.

When my wife died, my mother
started taking care of Matthew,

and then she got sick.

The only reason why I brought him to
you was because of all the people I know,

I knew you'd find
him a good home.

I appreciate that, but my only
concern is what's best for the baby.

I've thought of nothing
else for the last few days,

and I know what's best
for Matthew. It's me.

He's my son, he
needs me, I need him.

But you still have
the same situation.

Matthew still has no
one to take care of him.

Yes, he does.

Eddie, I'll help you
look after Matthew.

That is, if you want me to.

- Are you sure?
- I've been sure since high school.

Look, it has to be more than coincidence
that brought us together again, huh?

And, Eddie, I do love you.

I love you too.

Captain, please.

Please, I need another chance.

Karen and I can give
Matthew a very good home.

Well, Dr. Bricker worked
hard trying to save the baby.

I guess the least I can
do is try to save the family.

Karen.

Ted?

Ted, please.

Remember when I told you that
you only had to be married to Richard

for six months, then
you could divorce him?

Yeah, I remember.

Well, in divorcing me, how about
doing me a favor and don't wait so long?

Ted, I want to try to explain.

Look, Paula, there's
nothing to explain.

I tried to con Rich,
instead he conned me.

I got caught in my own trap.

No, it's not the
same trap at all.

That money wasn't for me.

It was for us, for our marriage.

I love you.

I have for years.

But you let Richard set me up.

No. I let Richard do me a favor.

Come to think of it, I
haven't kissed the bride yet.

- May I?
- Until I tell you to stop.

Well, Aunt Loretta, I guess if
I can't talk you out of leaving,

this is goodbye for a while.

I'll write to you as soon
as I get settled, Gopher.

Where are you going with those?

Oh, those are my
suitcases. I'm leaving.

You could have the
family silverware in there.

No matter what you've got in there
I'm not letting you off this ship with it.

In fact, you're not leaving
this ship, with or without it.

Thank heavens,
someone needs a maid.

Oh. Hey, congratulations.

I haven't seen you
two since the wedding.

I guess you haven't.
I married this one.

Strange cruise.

See what I have to do because
of you. I hope you're satisfied.

- I am.
- Mm-hm.

Oh, Mrs. Randolph, I
really do want to thank you

for everything during
the past five years.

- Don't expect a reference.
- She won't need one.

She's already
found a new position.

- Bye-bye, Aunt Loretta.
- Oh...

- You're still my favorite relative.
- Oh, thank you, Cupid.

Well, if things go the
way I have planned,

you may be having
yourself a new relative.

Well, that's okay with me, Unc.

- Goodbye, gorgeous.
- Goodbye, handsome.

And if you ever need any
shirts ironed, just let me know.

Captain, Vicki.

Listen, Doc, I don't know
how we can ever thank you.

By just taking care
of that son of yours.

Don't worry, we will.

Oh, um...

We all chipped in and
have a little something

towards Matthew's
college education.

[LAUGHS]